( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY! HOW ARE YA! ( CHANTING )
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! WELCOME! PLEASE! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU SO MUCH UP THERE! HI AND AWAY! EVERYBODY DOWN HERE, PLEASE! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TO "THE LATE SHOW." I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) >> Stephen: SO HOW YOU BEEN? ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK. WE NEVER -- WE NEVER REALLY
LEFT, BUT WE CERTAINLY WEREN'T HERE. THIS IS A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT
ENERGY THAN THE CONVERTED STORAGE ROOM EIGHT FLOORS ABOVE
US. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AS BEAUTIFUL AS THAT WAS, AS LOVELY AS THAT WAS. ( APPLAUSE )
I HAVE NOT BEEN ON THIS STAGE IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE FOR 460
DAYS. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
I DON'T KNOW IF I EVEN REMEMBER HOW TO PANDER TO THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL CROWD IN THE WORLD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HEY! LOOK AT THAT MAN RIGHT THERE! LOOK AT THAT MAN RIGHT THERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT FEELS LIKE THE FIRST DAY BACK AT SCHOOL. >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
RIGHT. >> Stephen: I'M EXCITED, I'M A
LITTLE NERVOUS. I'VE GOT A NEW HAIRCUT AND NEW
CLOTHES, CBS SENT ME A PARAMOUNT+ TRAPPER KEEPER. IT'S PRETTY SWEET. THANK YOU, CITIZEN. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME FOR YOU
FOLKS TOO. THAT'S WHY WE'VE REPLACED ALL OF
OUR APPLAUSE SIGNS WITH REMEMBER HOW TO APPLAUD SIGNS. I'M PROUD TO SAY, WE'RE THE
FIRST SHOW BACK UP ON BROADWAY, SUCK IT, "LION KING." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S RIGHT! I'M SORRY --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAKUNA MA SUCK IT. ( LAUGHTER )
AS SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN WORKING IN THE CITY FOR A YEAR NOW, IT'S
WONDERFUL TO SEE NEW YORK CITY COMING BACK TO LIFE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU GUYS KNOW. YOU FEEL IT. YOU FEEL IT EVERYWH EVERYWHERE Y
JUST TODAY, I SAW TWO TIMES SQUARE ELMOS BREEDING. LIFE FINDS A WAY. OF COURSE, I DIDN'T DO THE LAST
15 MONTHS ALONE. IN THE DOME TONIGHT, YOU CAN SEE
THE ENTIRE LATE SHOW STAFF. RIGHT THERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GIVE IT UP. YES! I ALSO WANT TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT
TO THE MAN WHOSE OFFICE WORKED WITH US FOR MONTHS TO GET US
BACK IN THE THEATER TONIGHT. NEW YORK GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO. HE'S NOT HERE TONIGHT BUT HE
ASKED ME TO READ THIS NOTE -- IF YOU REMEMBER ME FOR ONE THING
THIS YEAR, LET IT BE BRINGING BACK "THE LATE SHOW"'S AUDIENCE,
THAT'S IT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW, FOR THOSE HAVE YOU WATCHING AT HOME. EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT
IS FULLY VACCINATED. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE IMMORTAL! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT BEING A MEMBER OF MY AUDIENCE ISN'T THE ONLY REASON
TO GET YOUR SHOT, IT'S JUST THE BEST REASON. I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON ALL THE
LATEST DEVELOPMENTS IN TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF
THE VAX-SCENE L3 (TO THE TUNE OF "TEQUILA")
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ ( CHEERING )
(TO THE TUNE OF "TEQUILA") ♪♪♪
>> Stephen: THANK YOU! ♪♪♪
>> Stephen: THANK YOU! >> STEPHEN: AND THEY SAID IT
COULDN'T GET LONGER. IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN VACCINATED
YET, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? THERE ARE GREAT INCENTIVES. TOMORROW, TACO BELL IS GIVING
VACCINATED CALIFORNIANS A FREE SEASONED BEEF NACHO CHEESE
DORITOS LOCOS TACO. IT'S PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO
WANTS TO GET VACCINATED BUT STILL DOESN'T VALUE HUMAN LIFE. ISN'T IT A GOOD SIGN YOU DANCED
FOR FOUR MINUTES AND CAN'T BREATHE? I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE STEPPING
OUT TO SEE OLD FRIENDS. OVER THE WEEKEND, PRESIDENT
BIDEN WAS IN THE U.K. FOR THE G-7 SUMMIT AND BRITISH PRIME
MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON WAS STOKED:
>> IT'S WONDERFUL TO LISTEN TO THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION AND TO
JOE BIDEN. I'S FANTASTIC. IT'S A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. >> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW THE LAST
GUY WAS BAD WHEN A 78-YEAR-OLD MAN IS DESCRIBED AS A BREATH OF
FRESH AIR. (AS BORIS JOHNSON)
YOU KNOW, HE JUST -- HE JUST -- THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT, SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY, SOMETHING ABOUT
HIM THAT JUST RADIATES A BRACING CLOUD OF
GOLD BOND AND FIXODENT. ( LAUGHTER )
WHILE HE WAS IN ENGLAND, THE PRESIDENT ALSO HUNG OUT WITH
QUEEN ELIZABETH, SEEN HERE ENJOYING THAT OPRAH INTERVIEW. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) BIND -- SURE. WHY NOT? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SEVEN-MONTH-OLD REFERENCE, THAT'S FINE. ( LAUGHTER )
BIDEN AND THE QUEEN HAD MET BEFORE, BUT IT WAS WAY BACK IN
1982. THAT'S WHEN SHE WAS TOURING WITH
HER SYNTHPOP BAND... FLOCK OF REGALS. ( LAUGHTER )
BIDEN HAD SOME KIND WORDS FOR HER MAJESTY. >> SHE WAS VERY GENEROUS. SHE WAS VERY -- I DON'T THINK
SHE'D BE INSULTED BUT SHE REMINDED ME OF
MY MOTHER. >> Stephen: OKAY, SURE. THAT'S NICE, BUT, JOE, YOU'RE
ONLY ONLY 17 YEARS APART. YOU'RE MORE CONTEMPORARIES, LIKE
ME AND MY BUDDY JON BATISTE. RIGHT? >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! SOME CONTEMPORARIES IN THERE! I LOVE IT! YES! THAT'S SO NICE. MY GRANDPA USED TO SAY THAT. >> Stephen: THANKS, JON! IT WAS A BIG WEEKEND FOR THE
QUEEN. SHE ATTENDED A CHARITY LUNCHEON,
AND THERE WAS CAKE >> I DIDN'T THINK THIS WAS GOING
TO WORK. >> THERE IS A KNIFE. >> WHAT? >> THERE IS A KNIFE. >> I KNOW THERE IS. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS MORE
UNUSUAL. >> Stephen: THAT IS A LADY WHO
KNOWS HER BRAND. ( AS THE QUEEN... )
SEEING AS I'M A 200 YEAR OLD PAIR OF CURTAINS, WHOSE FACE IS
ON THE MONEY, AND WHOSE FAMILY IS MORE INBRED THAN A DISCOUNT
GOLDEN RETRIEVER, I THINK WE'RE QUITE PAST NORMAL AT THIS
JUNCTURE. NOW, WHO WANTS A PIECE OF COSTCO
SHEET CAKE? ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) PRESIDENT BIDEN'S TRIP ABROAD
WILL END WITH HIS MUCH ANTICIPATED SHOWDOWN ON
WEDNESDAY WITH RUSSIAN PRESIDENT AND COVER
MODEL, VLADIMIR PUTIN. THIS MEETING COULD BE AWKWARD
BECAUSE EARLIER THIS YEAR BIDEN CALLED PUTIN A KILLER. THIS WEEKEND PUTIN WAS ASKED
ABOUT HIS HOMICIDAL TENDENCIES: >> MR PRESIDENT, ARE YOU A
KILLER? >> (TRANSLATED)
( LAUGHTER ) OVER MY TENURE I'VE GOTTEN USED
TO ATTACKS FROM ALL KINDS OF ANGLES AND FROM ALL KINDS OF
AREAS UNDER ALL KINDS OF PRETEXT AND REASONS AND OF DIFFERENT
CALIBER AND FIERCENESS, AND NONE OF IT SURPRISES ME. >> STEPHEN: SO, THAT'S A YES? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PUTIN WAS ALSO ASKED ABOUT HOW BIDEN COMPARES TO THE LAST
PRESIDENT: >> YOU ONCE DESCRIBED PRESIDENT
TRUMP AS A BRIGHT PERSON, TALENTED. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE PRESIDENT
BIDEN? >> WELL, EVEN NOW, I BELIEVE
THAT FORMER U.S. PRESIDENT TRUMP MR. TRUMP IS AN EXTRAORDINARY
INDIVIDUAL, TALENTED INDIVIDUAL, OTHERWISE, HE WOULD NOT HAVE
BECOME U.S. PRESIDENT. HE'S A COLORFUL INDIVIDUAL. >> STEPHEN: YES, AND SCIENTISTS
ARE STILL TRYING TO DETERMINE WHAT COLOR THAT IS. HONEY-GLAZED HIMMLER? ( LAUGHTER )
OH! REALLY! WOW! >> Jon: HEY! >> Stephen: IT'S WONDERFUL TO
BE WITH YOU AND BACK IN THE NEAR SULLIVAN THEATER. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'VE ALWAYS SAID -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'VE ALWAYS SAID -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) FOLKS, I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THERE
IS NO GREATER AUDIENCE IN THE WORLD THAN YOU PEOPLE. WHEN I SAID THAT, I WAS WRONG. ( LAUGHTER )
SEE, FOR THE LAST 15 MONTHS, MY ONLY AUDIENCE WAS TRULY THE
GREATEST OF ALL TIME, MY WIFE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE GIVE A BIG LATE SHOW WELCOME TO
EVIE COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( AUDIENCE CHANTING EVIE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( AUDIENCE CHANTING EVIE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( AUDIENCE CHANTING EVIE ) DARLING -- DARLING, UM, THANK
YOU -- THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. >> MY PLEASURE. >> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO THE PEOPLE? >> OKAY, AUDIENCE, HE'S ALL
YOURS NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) AND DON'T FORGET TO LAUGH
BECAUSE HE REALLY NEEDS IT. >> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. YOU WANNA? >> SURE. OUR GUESTS ARE AIR OWLED FRIEND
JOHN STEWART -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
-- AND MUSIC BY OUR NEW FRIEND JON BATISTE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, STEPHEN GOES ONE-ON-ONE WITH PRESIDENT JOE
BIDEN. STICK AROUND. >> Stephen: STICK AROUND!
It's great to see Stephen so happy and the audience was clearly delighted as well.... but to me, the jokes just land better without the long reaction by the audience to each punchline.
I'll miss the one on one feeling of the show from during it's quarantine showing, as I thought Stephen was incredible in that role , but ah well.
The cold open (not shown in the youtube clip) was good. Dance off with the pair of pants he used to wear 15 months ago and of course he cant put them on due to gaining 15-20 pounds during the pandemic.
Dana Carvey turned in a quality impression. I had no doubt he was doing an impression of Biden. I've never seen anymore get him right before, including Sudeikis whose impression seems universally loved but I've always thought kinda sucked: Without the name tag you'd have no idea who the impression was of. Carvey's impression was also funny compared to others.
Show improved a lot when it went to no audience. Ah well, it was good while it lasted.
The uh… Jon Stewart bit is gonna be circulating for a while after this I can already tell. It wouldn’t surprise me if the virus actually came from a lab but we are only just beginning to investigate the origins of this pandemic in a serious manner.
It was better without the audience.
One of the many things I've always appreciated about Jon Stewart's approach to political humor was that he took the time to make sure his points were accurate and informed. He understood that it simply wasn't enough to go with your gut. Arguments need evidence to back them up or else they're just so much noise.
I was quite disappointed, then, to see him using hunches, half-truths, and conjecture to make his case for the lab-leak hypothesis. Might it be correct? Of course it might be, but nothing he offered is actually evidence to that effect.
There are sites around the world that study viruses, and their research is usually focused on viruses found locally. Coronaviruses have been found in the region before, as is well established. So of course they would be studying coronaviruses in Wuhan. Correlation is not causation.
(There also isn't any actual evidence for the wet market hypothesis either, by the way.)
Jon Stewart probably doesn't realize it, but Wuhan is a rapidly growing city of over eleven million people. Circumstances there were highly favorable for a natural pandemic outbreak without any additional human intervention needed.
I feel like people have watched too many movies and read too many novels about viral outbreaks - including, you know, Outbreak - so they expect stuff to play out like it does in fiction. That seems to be where Jon Stewart is coming from with his "science will kill us all" schtick.
Like I said, SARS-CoV-2 could have escaped from a lab. But there is still no substantial evidence that such a thing occurred. Until that changes, it's deeply irresponsible to claim that it's "more than likely" what happened. Jon Stewart doesn't know. I don't know. The CDC, NIH, and WHO don't know. It's quite possible that no one in China knows either.
Because of the many failures of China's initial response to the pandemic, it might not even be possible to know the true origin of COVID-19. What we do know, however, is that such outbreaks don't have to begin in a lab. After all, no other pandemic ever started that way.
That vac-scene was not the best though, unfortunately i don't think that segment will transfer over to live audiences