Lawyers Share Funniest Ways They've Blown A Court Case (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories)

legal professionals of Reddit what's the funniest way you've ever seen a lawyer or defendant blow a court case my guy says no other lawyer shuffled his papers and after a lengthy pause asks the second question you sure I represent school districts one of my clients as a farm that is used to teach agricultural science to the students the manager of the farm decides to brutally euthanize a ton of chickens in full view of a group of elementary school students sometimes farms have to euthanize chickens that wasn't the problem the problem was that he was whacking the chickens over the head with a hammer and he had to whack each chicken like 5-6 times before they died because he's apparently some kind of psychopath the poor chickens were not dying that didn't deter him if one refused to die he just tossed the chicken on the ground and try again with another one but the birds were all getting horrifically damaged so they were flapping in circles on the ground or walking with terrible stuttering limbs or screaming one of the kids recorded it in Jesus Christ it was awful to watch so I recommended the school district fire him immediately because holy hell he sued for gender discrimination my brother was on a jury back in the days of MySpace a woman had been hit by a big rig during foggy weather she was suing for a back injury the last day of the trial they asked her if she has a myspace account and brought up her site for the jury to see I think all profiles were open there there's a picture of her dancing on the hood of a car and right next to it is a text exchange of her saying that she shouldn't go out too much because her lawyer says that she has to look injured needless to say she lost that case a judge I work for once oversaw a trial where woman claimed to have been so badly maimed by a Bob job that she could bear to go out in public the case had been going for three years to get to the trial on cross-examination the defense attorney for the woman's doctor spent two hours reading every one of the woman's tweets since the jury allowed brought in blown-out pics of the woman's posts of her in a bikini in Aruba and out at the Bass for ladies night in miniskirts and low-cut shirts on a break the woman ran out of the courtroom crying 20 minutes later a lawyer came back in and informed the judge she was dropping the case a funny historical one here Marshall nears on trial for treason after Napoleon gets overthrown for the second time his lawyer desperately tries to save a Marshalls life with an unusual take on things due to border change Marshall knees hometown was at the time of the trial in Prussia therefore I'll give the lawyer Marshall knee was not technically French and according he could not be guilty of treason Marshall Neda's agreed and shouted out to the court I am French and I will remain French he was subsequently found guilty and sentenced to death this also has a double whammy with baddest last words he asked for and was given permission to lead his own firing squad his last words to them were soldiers when I give the command to fire fire straight at my heart wait for the order it will be my last to you I protest against my condemnation I have fought a hundred battles for France and not one against her soldiers fire talk about a way to die I once attended oral arguments for US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit it's pretty much the big time I watched a lawyer argue that his client received what's known as ineffective assistance of counsel at the trial from which she was appealing the attorney however was not doing a very good job during oral arguments at one point one of the judges on the panel leans forward and asks him counselor are you currently providing ineffective assistance of counsel my father is an attorney and he always had a story for us when Wed ask him this question he tells it way better than I do but I'll give it a shot some dude was allegedly smashing a wall with a sledgehammer with others in order to break into a private property the cops rolled up and he's the only one to get caught fast forward a few months and this guy's in court apparently a cop says something about how the defendant was the only one court but there were two other men who fled on foot and couldn't be apprehended my father's clients face lights up in an aha moment and immediately tells the judge not true there were four of us I guess he thought if he could disprove someone at the set head be let go safe to say he was found guilty of vandalism my father says the judge just kind of sighed and told my father it would be a good idea to keep his client quiet defendant is apprehended for warrants and asks judge for bail tells judge free movement was not served with the warrants some questioned as to his identity judge asks defendant where he was born death says Puerto Rico defendant totally Lux mestizo not Cueto Rican at all judge asks where in Puerto Rico defendant says San Juan judge asks defendant when were you last in San Juan defendant says a couple of years ago judge asked defendant how did you get there defendant replies I went on the Amtrak judge would not grant bail when you flunked geography it's for a long time lawyer was verbally running through the evidence against the guy he was defending trying to claim there wasn't enough to even call a trial all totally fine except he said I believe a more seasoned judge wouldn't have let this trial move forward not knowing that the judge he's speaking to gave the okay to move the trial to this court he was immediately given a hard motion denied a short one the judge recused himself from a criminal case publicly stating that he knew the defendant and he was a son of a rich and guilty as hell I was the respondent not the lawyer in a civil case where the county accused me of violating a rule at a house cannot have more than two parties in a month the county's prime witness admitted on the stand that one the rule was implemented specifically in response to complaints against me too the rule was not written in the county code three the rule was not included in my warning letter nor in my citation for the county had no expectation of ever applying this rule to any other resident in the future the judge declared the rule null and void a defense lawyer was delivering her closing statement to the jury in her final sentence she said ladies and gentlemen of the jury I urge you to find my client guilty there was a moment of silence and she then says not guilty I meant to say not guilty I'm an attorney and I heard about a hearing where there were several criminal defendants before the judge the judge noticed a strong pot smell in the courtroom and asked if any of the defendants had pot on them no one came forward and the judge proceeded but the odor became stronger and stronger finally the judge demanded the perpetrator to come forward finally one of the came forward and had several bags of weed out on him I'm not sure what the charges were before him that day but I wouldn't want to have been his attorney sovereign citizens always make for a good time there was the guy getting a divorce from his wife of 25 years his entire argument for why he shouldn't pay alimony to his wife who stayed home taking care of their rate kids three of whom were still at home is that since his wife would no longer do her marital duties it wasn't a marriage she wouldn't sleep with him because he was against trying to prevent more kids happening at all then referenced the Bible on top of it the judges face was priceless I don't know how true this story is but my dad said he took his Camaro out late at night to speed and got an exhibition of speed ticket challenged it in court saying it wasn't couldn't be an exhibition of speed because he was alone there was no one to exhibit speed to got on something like this one was arrested for disturbing the peace in that jurisdiction at least one person had to be disturbed showed up to trial cops read their statements inform my lawyer asked if they had any evidence that anyone was disturbed they had forgotten to ask anyone so I got off after argument from the assistant district attorney the judge asked defense counsel why he should allow the defendant to remain on his own recognizance defense counsel looks up obviously searching for any reason he can because he knows his client is a dirt back and this is what he comes up with dart because his girlfriend lives in the apartment above mine and I'll hear her crying all night defendant remanded to jail I worked as a paralegal in a firm specializing in land use litigation and real estate another paralegals husband got a DWI and as a favor to her one of the partners offered to defend her husband in court this is a small town with a landmark windmill in the center of town well this paralegals husband's who we all call the missing link DWI stemmed from him crashing his car into the windmill front page of the local paper reporters at the arraignment the whole nine yards so the law firm partner tells the missing link that when the judge asks him how many beers he had before his accident he should tell her he had three he proceeds to stand in front of the judge and tell her he had three cases the whole room started laughing and he ended up getting jail time not an exact fit for the answer but I once worked at a company where we found out that a lawyer was trying to arrange a class-action suit against us before it got off the ground he found out because this lawyer attempted to email her client but accidentally emailed us instead with all the details of the class-action not a legal professional but I do have a good story on this topic fifteen or so years ago my dad was the manager of a small hotel one of the semi-regular customers was this big Samoan dude who booked in for a day at a time always had a few visitors and always paid in cash in a one to one conversion with American dollars highly unusual in Australia dad always said he was a great customer very friendly with the Stars never gave anyone any problems and always had a bit of a chat when he checked in one day a couple of detectives rocked up and asked to speak to my dad they showed him a photo of the aforementioned customer and asked if he was currently staying in the hotel dad confirmed that he was and in a matter of minutes a small contingent of cops arrived stormed the room and escorted the guy away in handcuffs turns out the guy was a pretty major drug dealer and was wanted in a couple of states cut to the court date quite some time later my dad is in the witness stand and for whatever reason the defense is trying to make out like my dad didn't know the defendant and had never seen him before obviously my dad insisted that he did in fact know the defendant but that line persisted from the defense as my dad left the witness box he walked past the defendant and said hi Barry - which Barry enthusiastically replied hi Jason how are you while I'm sure this wasn't the only thing that counted against him in the case it certainly can't have helped he ended up getting quite a few years in jail names changed Hobbs I was an expert engineer witness at a deposition defending a contractor who happened to be an engineer himself plaintiff claimed he was liable as an engineer as well as the contractor defense was he was the contractor but that doesn't mean he was the engineer for the project just because he was one after six hours of headache-inducing questioning plaintiff's lawyer pulls out a letter from and certified by the contractor that simply stated I am the engineer for the project he sits back and basically has that look of let's see what you got to say now infer obligatory not a lawyer but I took a class on constitutional rights where we had to read decisions from my country's Supreme Court there was this one where a woman was suing her employer a company because it had found six pics of the woman on the company's computer it gave the tip to HR who proceeded to contact the company's legal department in a how the woman was fired and she sued because she claimed that by showing the pics to the lawyer the company was going against her right to privacy HR also threatened to release the pics to the other employees if the woman kept suing or something like that in the end the court decided that HR had to return the pics to the woman and that was it the funny thing was that the woman claimed that those pics went six weeks even though she was naked and in suggestive poses she claimed that she had arrived tired from work passed out on her bed and her little daughter took those pics a prominent female attorney didn't like the judge's ruling in a family law case she asked him if he was from another planet the judge said I beg your pardon she approached the bench without permission and very rudely repeated her question judge told her to apologize she refused the judge had her thrown in the lockup for contempt of court I was still in law school working for a solo practitioner part time we had this divorce where dude got caught cheating and his wife cleaned out the bank account which was the only marital asset to pay for her attorneys fees there was absolutely no reason for her to pay that much for an attorney and due to that the attorney on the other side was inflaming her client to fight on every little issue to earn that retainer now our dude was also stupid he didn't pay the court-ordered temporary child support order and you to that he had to pay some of her attorneys fees but after all that is dealt we have a date to hear arguments on anything not agreed to our biggest pointers he'll pay the support order but she owes him half the bank account amount we get in front of the judge and she tried to argue that she used the money to pay for a new place and moving fees [ __ ] we have a financial statement where wife stated she paid pretty much the whole amount as a retainer judge turns around looks at the attorney in the face and tells her that her signature is on the financial statement meaning that either she lied on the statement or she is lying right now judge tells her to think very carefully about a next statement and that in her opinion wife needed to pay half the money back other attorney goes quiet asks for a recess and completely changes a resolution position we basically had her by the gonads because she knew if we wanted to this could amount to a bar complain as she made a full statement to the tribunal we got him back all his money and he got to claim his child for the next five years on his taxes honestly felt bad for the wife she had no Duncan clue how badly her attorney was ducking her over this among other things is why I refused to practice family law my professor was a lawyer has worked on both sides of the law and says the funniest sheet in court is when someone attempts to represent themselves he said they never know what they're doing and usually blow it for themself plus counsel is a free right edit I am referring mainly to constitutional law in courtroom where all they do is restraining orders everyone gets there at one time and he morning and sits in the chairs and judge calls the cases one by one do purposely sits next to girl getting the restraining order against him and starts trying to hold her hand and sheet she yells and asks for help in Breaux had to wait outside when it was his turn the judge was so mad he almost sent him to jail so this wasn't the defendant bitter plaintiff I was on a jury for a civil trial there were two co plaintiffs suing one defendant the first co plaintiff was being represented by his father who was an older guy ended and seemed to have much experience in court for the first week of the trial seemingly every other question was being objected to usually because his questions weren't questions or he was trying to elicit testimony that was hearsay he basically pissed everyone off and presented a terrible case the second co plaintiff then gets on the stand and it was clear that he was there very reluctantly it gets to the defendants lawyer turn cross-examination and the co plaintiff blurts out that the only reason why he's there is because of a fiduciary duty to the other plaintiff then he gets asked if he feels the defendant owes him any money and he just says no it was six weeks of this stupid trial it wasn't every day and there was no trial during the week fo Thanksgiving but it was excruciating and we the jury ended up awarding no money to anyone what a colossal waste of time full stop now I was being questioned as a prospective juror in a personal injury case eight people had already been seated and the plaintiff's attorney asked me the same question he had asked everyone else and got yes of course as an answer do you feel that a person has a right to be compensated for his injuries my answer probably louder and slower than it needed to be was not if he got hurt because he did something stupid I had poisoned the entire jury pool including those already seated they settled out of court in ten minutes for an amount much smaller than they were asking for not a defendant but there was this dude in the court I interned as who went in with his friend but wore a shirt with the exact color as the ones in group trials the bailiff mistook him for a convict and was asking him to sit down he'll Norman I'm just here to see my friend I ain't got no case he was the one who got caught I got away no no he didn't get away not my case but still a personal favorite I was sitting in court waiting for my turn case going was a litterin case officer said he saw the defendant throw the clear apper on a pack of gum out of his window guy decided to defend himself girlfriend takes the stand officer has already testified guy asks did I throw a gum wrapper out the window she replies no you did not with this huge grin on her face the defendant is now also grinning and goes what did I throw out the window to which she replies it was the plastic wrapper from your cigarettes guy rests his case right there literally thought he would get off because the officer couldn't properly identify the clear plastic that he admits to throwing out the window defendant was willing to stay on probation conditioned on Jaylin abed became available due to the circumstances of the defendants agent minor violations the judge was very open to the possibility so this was argued out in rebuttal to the defense lawyers argument the prosecutor said something the defendant didn't like the defendant stood up called us all racists and said send my duckiness to prison you know that scene where Jerry Maguire bleeds with red to help me help you it was 100x worse I used to be a police officer and spent a lot of time in court and saw a lot of things go really wrong for people but the one that sticks out is a guy who was up for DUI he started relating his side of the story and tells the judge he only had two bottles of wine his lawyer is desperately trying to get him to stop talking and he yelled at his own lawyer don't interrupt me and the judge says I think you should take a moment to listen to your attorney and then he told the judge don't tell me what to do I had not a damn child and the judge just smiled and leaned back and said by all means continue it went badly for him and surprisingly my grandfather was a big-time lawyer back in the day for an oil company in one case it was the federal government that blew the whole case my grandpa showed up to court and the first thing he said was that they didn't have jurisdiction the judge was like I'm the federal circuit court judge the highest judge around how can this be out of my jurisdiction the oil in question was drilled in Texas refined into gasoline in Texas and sold in Texas gas stations since it never crossed state lines interstate commerce never happened so the federal government has no jurisdiction double-quote the judge just said he was right and closed the case pissed off the guys from Washington [Music] you

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Id: d2VtteCVz70

Length: 22min 44sec (1364 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 20 2020