Lawyers, What's Your "I Rest My Case" Story? (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories)

lawyers of Reddit what is the most badass I rest my case moment you ever witnessed wasn't my case but in criminal docket court one morning the accused wore a pair of very unique custom-made red cowboy boots stolen from the house he was accused of robbing wore them to court to plead not guilty the prosecutor was laughing in high school a girl had a pair of custom shoe stolen I think they were fancy colorful Nikes the girl who stole them wore them to school the next day and that's how she got busted she insisted she just happened to get the same pair of shoes they had the original girl's name in them they did not have remotely similar names I was in an accident a few years ago other guys fault he got a ticket for unsafe left turn and I got a ticket because I wasn't wearing my seat belt in the section on the ticket the cop inadvertently wrote did wear seat belt while operating motor vehicle when I got to court the judge asked how I wanted to plead I asked the judge if I could ask a question first and he said sure I stated the ticket says I did wear my seat belt while operating motor vehicle and if that's the case I want to plead guilty the judge looks down at the ticket and looks back at me and says case dismissed have a good day I did I'm not a lawyer but a friend sister went to court over a moving violation she's an engine tuner and had built herself a beautiful first gen Mitsubishi Eclipse with 6-7 hundred horsepower at the wheels this car inevitably attracted the attention of the local law enforcement who pulled her over with no fewer than eight cruisers after some slightly aggressive acceleration around a left turn during cross-examination she asked the officer who made the call why exactly she had been pulled over I heard the engine revving and I saw you spinning the tires and sliding around the corner to be clear officer which tires were spinning the rear tires so I was spinning the rear tire and it was the back end that swung out yes mom that's correct and you're sure that's what you saw clear as day bomb the light turned green you stepped on the gas and the rear tires broke loose under power the rear tires broke loose under power there's no doubt in your mind that's exactly what happened none at all your honor this officer is either lying or hallucinating my car is front-wheel drive I used to work in baby daddy court as a caseworker this guy kept telling me the mother of the child anyone who would listen though the baby wasn't his when they went before the judge the judge confirmed through DNA testing that he wasn't the dad do turned around and took off his jacket his shirt said not the father edit the guy kept telling me the mother of the child and anyone who would listen my bad this may not apply but there is a judge judy episode where a high school girl is suing two boys from her school for taking her backpack and stealing various valuables out of it in something like the following conversation happened judge judy and what was taken from your backpack go my phone my money my headphones boy one no they weren't Judge Judy excuse me boy one there weren't any headphones in the backpack when I was in law school I clerked for a criminal defense legal clinic we had an a assault and battery case where there was only one witness to the crime which was the victim I was sitting at the defense table with the actual attorney another law student that worked on the case with me and the defendant we were all in similar looking suits as a matter of unplanned coincidence the victim was asked to identify the person who committed the a assault in court and she pointed to me and not the defendant our attorney asked several times if she was really pointing to me and if she was sure and she said yes the prosecutor was visibly upset in the trial pretty much ended there as this was a bench trial and not with a jury it was never discussed or admitted to but I suspect our attorney purposefully had me there at the trial because I did have a passing resemblance of the defendant a little late but this is one of my dad's favorite stories so he is out of state on business driving though some no-name town when he goes through an intersection suddenly a cop pulls him over stating that he ran a stop sign and ticketed him my dad insisted there was not any stop sign but the cop did not listen first he went back to the intersection and saw that there was a stop sign hidden behind a tree and twisted in the wrong direction even more pissed he went to a convenience store that was in sight of the intersection and bought a disposable camera while the Clarks laughed because he saw what happened and knew what's up luckily my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work the cop assumed that someone without a state plates would just pay the ticket and they were shocked when my dad turned up in court calmly presented his evidence to the judge and strolled out in five minutes scot free not a lawyer but I read about this two guys were being tried for robbing a gas station a customer who saw the robbery was now on the witness stand the prosecutor asked him to describe what he saw he said that he saw two guys robbing the store and then running out and one of them bumped into him then the prosecutor looked at the two perps and said are those two men in the courtroom today at which point the two idiots raised their hands case closed edit Grammer was on a jury defendant attempted to rob a tip jar from a barrister and the barista fought back he ran and she tossed the MT jar towards him defendant claims that he was hit on the head and injured by the metal tip jar even though he'd already watched the video and I already caught this detail the prosecutor asked to play the video of the robbery again and then she says how could the barista had hit him in the front of the head when she was throwing it from behind and he's wearing a hat she was so annoyed she had to point that out I almost laughed not so much arrest my case moment but a memorable one there was a deposition of a witness and a roomful of attorneys witnesses asked if he knows or has spoken with any of the at ease in the room before the deposition witness responds he knows a TX because sometimes they go to the same parties and snort coke together needless to say a TX had an immediate meltdown a good transcript to keep not a lawyer but I once got stopped by a cop for a fix-it ticket basically you have to fix a broken taillight and get a cop to sign the ticket or pay the fine that night my car was totaled by a drunk driver who ran off the road and hit it at high speed can't fix a taillight if you don't have the car anymore so I wound up going in on my court date to contest the ticket say sorry I couldn't get the light fixed and don't think I should have to pay the judge gives me this look like what's your Excuse then I hand over the police report papers and briefly explain about the rack I didn't have to pay I have to one my own and one someone else's in mine my client was accused of not leaving this woman alone when she wanted no contact with him he swore that they were dating and she'd call the police when she got mad she swore she wanted nothing to do with him she had a photo on her phone of him sitting on her porch to prove that he'd come around without her consent I asked permission from the judge to look at the photos before and after to get context lo and behold she had hundreds of photos of him eating dinner with her sitting on her couch wearing her undergarments it was glorious in the other a colleague was questioning a police officer about a consensual encounter with a defendant officer claimed that he had no way intimidated the clients and that the client was free to walk away at any point my colleague said officer you think based on what you said and how you acted that any person in this room under those circumstances would feel like that could walk away the officer said yes and the full courtroom audience started laughing during my divorce my ex was on the stand lying her ass off about how she was totally not using drew Gus and having an affair with our underage child present in the home a lover was outside because my attorney subpoena at him and he had to be there my attorney grilled him and what he said contradicted what my ex was saying at least a dozen times then my attorney put her back on the stand and made her admit every single lie she told the judge her closing argument was basically that mom is a liar and has zero credibility I was awarded primary custody of our child the house child support and her druggie boyfriend is not allowed within 500 yards of the child that was pretty badass a friend told me this story he's not a lawyer but was job shadowing or something and was in court for the day anyway one of the cases was a girl contesting a stop sign violation the prosecutor asked how long she was stopped at the stop sign and the girl responds 40-50 seconds the prosecutor asks her to look at the clock in the courtroom and proceeds to stay silent for the next thirty seconds which is a really long time once the thirty seconds is up the prosecutor looks back at her and says we you really stopped 40-50 seconds and the girl was basically silent I'm pretty sure she was found guilty fraud trial prosecution QC gets right to the point pretty much third question into defendant so you earn forty five thousand pounds a year have no properties no other source of income no inheritance and as far as I'm aware have not won the lottery yet you have foreign bank accounts with million and a Ferrari it must simply be a coincidence that defrauded entity has an accounting black held pretty much equal to those riches the defendant pretty much gave up at that point not a lawyer but just had a case where a guy embezzled then sued us he had done it by moving money to his company and calling it in to company loans his expert witness who was a CPA was asked about their one document they had produced and she said as you can see this document shows that embezzling plaintiff owes your company six hundred and fifty thousand dollars we had no questions and rested right there he should probably have gotten their CPA on the same page with him as a clerk in the District Attorney's Office a few years ago there was a battery case where the victim addicts wandering the streets likely picking fights got into an altercation and had his hand chopped off by the defendants machete the day the victim came in to testify the clerk asked him to raise his hand and swear to tell the whole truth et Cie and when he raised the hand lessen up every single juror gasped for air and we knew a conviction was under way not me but a buddy who is the DUI attorney in the state he practiced in being in the car with the keys in the ignition even if the engine isn't running is considered a DUI if you're intoxicated had a client come in told his story to my buddy the but he goes to the DA after discovery and says don't take this to trial da says yeah right in court he gets the state trooper who made the arrest up on the stand and the trooper says under oath I saw with my own two eyes that the keys were in the ignition but he gives a cop several tries to walk it back then has it read into the record that the car was a Prius boom instant dismissal and the state he got into some trouble I watched a judge question a person in small-claims court about a variety of things having to do with paperwork guarantees warranties photos et Cie and the lack thereof to support the claim at the end he proceeded to rant on this guy for a full five minutes on how he planet had wasted everyone's time one by one ticking off the failures and then told him he plaintiff had better hope he never appears in this courtroom again or be held in contempt the entire room was spellbound it was better than any TV show my mum was a personal injury solicitor and she was basically trying to prove that the car that hit her clients and caused life-changing injuries brain damage belong to X X at first pretends not to live where he does then the car is found abandoned all wiped down the trail seems so and then my mum has a hunch and checks X's Facebook he had a public profile and his profile picture was his standing next to the car in question she screenshots them and sends them to the opposing counsel with a slightly more politely worded your clients a dumb dark she's retired now but she considers it to be one of the most satisfying moments of her career needless to say she won the case and her client got a million pound settlement and is now living in Spain all for the want of a simple privacy setting and a touch of common sense I once got out of a noise violation ticket I was driving around and had my music in my car Rob cop pulls me over gives me a ticket for the noise violation it wasn't even that loud you couldn't really hear it from outside the vehicle but my windows were down so go to court about it my defense was if the ice-cream man can drive around blaring that creepy music I can listen to my radio judge tried to keep the straight face but I got of the ticket I kind of have the opposite of this I had court last Tuesday as we were effecting our horrible tenants I prepared for weeks I compiled hundreds of papers showing that they were perpetually late that we always fixed any issues in a timely manner that they got super pissed when we told them we weren't renewing their lease et Cie I copied every message we had ever sent to each other made bullet points are numbered than for the judge to see I typed what I wanted to say and practiced it I was ready to be a lawyer and defend anything they may have said against me when it was our turn the judge asked me exactly one question have the tenants paid the rent I said no and that was it all of my preparation for nothing I got a violation put against my name for land I didn't own it was the land next to mine owned by the city I took pictures of how the violation was posted on the city's land how the city's land was in violation of grass height laws its orientation to my land how the violation did not have my Lots number but the city Lots number and brought the posted violation to court with me got up to the stand explained myself and presented my pictures the inspector who wrote the violation stood and called me by name that wasn't mine then showed pictures of a busted-up car with a bunch of weeders on it I had never seen before the judge raised her eyebrows asked what address this was he said an address that was across town from mine I say that I also do not own that land she removes the fines case dismissed definitely not a lawyer but I once watched my friend get out of a speeding ticket by sheepishly and truthfully informing the judge he was late for a Rolling Stones concert judge didn't miss a beat just accepted the reason and dropped the ticket I was in court on a speeding ticket in the case before mine was Fred the town drunk it went like this judge Fred the charges here say you were arrested Saturday night in town drunk how do you plead Fred Fred I don't know judge what do you mean Fred were you in town Saturday night or not Fred well that's what I don't know I have no idea where I was Saturday night but if I was in town then I damn sure was drunk judge chuckling okay Fred house $25 sound I am no attorney but I once fought a complete crap citation and the officers who wrote it up knew they had pulled it out of their ass and did not bother showing up when I appealed it to Superior Court after losing in a kangaroo little Court where I saw the officers meet and laugh with the judge beforehand a respected attorney and friend of the family was a little disturbed with the situation and offered to represent me the judge took his seat the case was read out then the judge turned to my attorney and said what magical words do have for me today John one of the best feelings of my life I'm on the defense side arguing that my court-appointed client didn't steal from Walmart Walmart does not duck around with their loss prevention my guy wanted to see the video so I subpoenaed it it's got him on it taking sheet trying to return a different item getting apprehended etcd watched it before trial showed it to him before trial he still wants to go to trial and it's not like I complete him guilty so I have to argue it's not him after the a DA and I finish with the loss prevention officer client goes up on stand to contend it's not him a DA's turn on cross rips him apart guy says he guesses he did it judge any reader act counsel me no further questions your honor guy later says he might have been drunk when it happened then he once tell people it after the 10 day notice requirement his arm thankfully my representation terminates past that point so I just told him to file motion for appropriate relief and pray I'm sure that was a great moment for the a DA [Music]

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Id: dtuZecvKkKw

Length: 19min 31sec (1171 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 31 2019

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