Don't challenge the expert! r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

our /r screwed it has anyone ever challenged you to something you are an expert at without them knowing it if so how did it turn out for them you not me but I remember a story of a kid whose dad was remodeling their garage and he was going over the drawings with the inspector who had a chip on his shoulder and was saying that the designs wouldn't work the dad was disagreeing saying that it were going back and forth the dad then asks if he would improve it if he had a pay sign off on it the inspector agrees and the dad goes inside and gets his pay stamp and stamps the drawing in the Marine Corps they do a lot of wrestling grappling as training and exercise well for the reen I was a pretty an imposing looking person little did they know that I had been doing jiu-jitsu a form of grappling for about four or five years before joining so more than a few times I would have these big weightlifter meathead types challenged me to grappling only for me to wipe the floor with him it kind of became a joke once people caught on and when we would get new guys to the unit the guys and the know would trick them into grappling against me I was pretty good at Gears of War Gears of War 2 comes out in the kid at school was having a Tony at his house the weekend after the game released and my buddy invited me over the kid was talking so much shit the whole time but mostly to me guess he didn't like me I finally had had enough and said the typical 1v1 me bro and we get to it execution mode on River my best map I was asked to leave his house by his dad after I won because I made his sixteen-year-old rage and put a hole into their wall edit holy fat balls I sleep go to work and come home to see that this thread and my comment blew the fuck up I had just come back from the eltra zone laser tag national championships when my office announced that we were having a laser tag team building event the 90s were a wonderful time I'm just waiting for that day someone challenges me to take the derivative of a function I occasionally encounter anti-nuclear folks to try to converse with me about how nuclear energy is the worst thing that has ever happened to the world what they don't know is that I have a master's degree in nuclear engineering when I tell them and then tell them that coal power releases more radiation into the atmosphere and nuclear they tell me that I am biased and walk away edit well this basically turned into an AMA I will answer you guys questions but I am at work right now so don't expect immediate answers nerd moment someone once challenged my general knowledge of Batman and they were sorely mistaken I was at a training class in Arizona a few years ago for people in a bunch of different industries the one guy was the head of quality for a particular and well-known winery in California we all go out to dinner and this guy orders a fairly expensive glass of wine from his winery at a restaurant they brought over the wine and when he sipped it he let the waitress know that this was not the wine he ordered she assured him it was and brought him another glass again he insisted it was not the right wine finally the manager came over and our guy revealed himself as head of quality for the winery the manager stumbled trying to make up a poor reason and admitted they ran out and figured they would replace it with a very similar and as it turns out much cheaper wine the look of smug satisfaction on our guy's face was priceless Mario Kart 64 this was back in college and I didn't actually realize how good I was I had spent countless hours in that game just messing around in all the levels finding the silly little tricks you can do to shave off time practicing my banana peeling and perfecting the art of the upside-down question mark some guys in my dorm challenged me and I was just like sure wiped the floor I was flabbergasted they had been trash-talking myself and each other and at the end of the whole thing they just stared at me like I was a monster before breaking out into holy shit s so they commenced and inviting their champ over to teach me a lesson I just idly chatted the whole time while I laughed the guy on Rainbow Road to his and everyone else's dismay I don't even know most useless mastery ever edit spelling Corrections Thanks swipe and obligatory this is my highest voted post incredulity not challenged per se but I had a guy start speaking gremlin to me in Australia once so I answered him in kind I was working in a ticket booth at the time and I assumed he was either trying to make me look dumb impress me or impress his friends my German isn't great but I have enough that I could reply to him his friends laughed it felt good I once had a guy at a party try to lecture me about a particular topic he quoted a paper about the topic and tried to explain it to me I told him he was interpreting the sentence wrong and he started belittling me for being too stupid to understand the topic including calling other people over to witness my embarrassment I stopped him and asked him who wrote the paper he was quoting he didn't know so I made him look it up on his phone turns out to his great embarrassment he was quoting me to me and was trying to explain to me what I meant in my own paper I let him try to stammer his way out for a few minutes then gave him my card and told him that he could call me if he ever wanted to fix his ignorance edit many people asking for the topic unfortunately telling you that would mean revealing my true name to give you an idea it was a technical topic similar to the heartbleed thing media wrote about it got it wrong I wrote a rebuttal paper got shared around the community and became sort of a go-to paper explaining the subject at a BB Q last summer my friends nieces kind of bratty little things were playing on the trampoline they were doing front flips and things they challenged me to do what they were doing little did they know that I had 15 years of gymnastics and six years of trampolining history I launched in with a straight double back somersault that simultaneously impressed them and reminded me of the value of a good warmer I was at a software engineering conference in January and the colleague saw my terminal with pink text running vim a text editor for UNIX systems and said I bet you can't even exit out of that thing background vim is a tool that has a notoriously steep learning curve for beginners I'm a woman doing a computer science degree and I always make a point of not hiding turning down my love of doing hair makeup and dressing up so I'm used to the shock I get when I tell people I'm in CS it's not always their fault stereotypes exist some people are just bigger dicks about it than others and assume I have no clue what I'm doing anyways the look on his face when I showed him what I knew was priceless after many large projects using them as your cell editor you learn many things a few also inb4 Emacs unfortunately yes it never turns out well because I make vaccines for a living people posting on Facebook new parents discussing why they don't want to vaccinate their newborns friends and relatives talking about the latest sensationalist story they heard on why Big Pharma is a terrible evil conspiracy I've been in the industry for six years now have an education in chemical engineering I've worked with live infectious diseases primarily pertussis and polio been part of the manufacturing process from growing the bacterial inactivation lysing purification vial filling start to finish I know how they work what the history of how they used to be made is how seriously pharma companies take adverse events and I know firsthand how dangerous these diseases can be but it doesn't matter because that picture that someone shared on Facebook with a sad story about their child dying obviously knows more than me even when I try to explain how it actually works their eyes glaze over and nothing gets through it's really frustrating having all the answers to every one of their concerns and not being able to reassure them because they're too stupid to understand basic biology someone tried to challenge my knowledge of country locations they have no idea that I can name and place every country on earth without any mistakes he tried to insist that he of course knew Eastern European country locations better than me because he was European belittling me was only working to my advantage when I made him look it up and he looked like that much more of an idiot not a challenged per se but an a cricketer and when I went to the new club I told everyone I was a fast bowler I don't look the part though 5 feet 8 inches and on the chubby side usually fast bowlers are lean and will over 6 feet so naturally everyone thought I was gonna be a waste of time not only that they all let me know that I should try out as a batsman or a spinner to improve my chances the premier bowler in that club could Bowl at speeds up to 135 kph on a good day my first bull after a short warm-up clocked in at 132 kph no one has dared make a joke about my height and body shape again my dad is pretty much a pool pro and this guy challenged him to a game talking hot shit while my dad didn't miss one shot and when he sunk all the solids he started shooting the guy's stripes TL DR my dad is so badass he goes balls deep with other other guys balls I'm the boss over at my company and mostly just work in the office every year we have a Christmas party in the workshop with all of our rough tough outside workers lots of beer etc one year My partner hired a pool table and all the guys who played in the bars every weekend were surprised that I want their asses next year it was a ping-pong table same thing the third year a table soccer game if we ever bring in a pinball game I'll have the quintella psi wasted my youth back in my school's anime club we had this kid I think the term is weeaboo who wouldn't stop bragging about how good his Japanese is and how the rest of us should call him sensei apparently he had been taking Japanese since middle school I was actually raised in Japan turns out all he could do was element level Japanese couldn't even understand a single bit of colloquial Japanese or write more than a few basic sentences I play Star Wars ECG collectible card game competitively yeah I know it's been out of print for like 14 years now but we still have an active community a few years back I was playing a pickup game online against a random guy he was playing a pretty traditional deck and I was playing a deck that at the time looked absolutely terrible on paper but worked beautifully the matchup was especially bad for him and I'm a pretty strong player as soon as I saw what he was playing I knew I was going to win and informed him of this and I totally destroyed him he kind of goes on tilt and he's talking shit about my deck let's play again no way will I lose to that pile of trash two games in a row I shrugged my shoulders and win handily again he still insists that my deck is terrible then I informed him this deck just got second at Worlds a couple months ago trust me it's pretty good yeah well who played it the deck looks terrible I did someone told me to go fuck myself idiot didn't know I was practicing for that for years I'm no expert but I vlogged wanna a too many hours of Super Smash Bros on n64 somehow at parties we end up bringing out the n64 I play really well and guys aren't a fan of a girl winning with a pink Samus I bought a house and had a guy offer us a $20 Lowe's card to give us an in-home demonstration of water filtration technology he came in and set up and started his spiel he asked me what I do for a living and I replied that I am a chemist at a water treatment plant he stopped for a second and said you probably know more about this stuff than I do he then asked to talk with my wife who refused he packed up and left without continuing the demo never got my $20 Lowe's card I went to see a Jupiter ascending at the cinema last month and the projection was slightly out of focus all the way through despite complaints I spoke to the manager at the end to see if I could score some free tickets citing a poor customer experience but he explained very condescendingly that this film was shot with a new type of camera and it was supposed to look like it did i listened patiently then explained i had spent six months as the first assistant cameraman on that film and that what he said sounded a lot like nonsense got free tickets in college i ended up walking into a party while a guy was ranting about americans being self-absorbed and rarely bothering to go abroad or otherwise pay any attention to other countries i entered the room and he said for instance and turned to me when was the last time you or any of your relatives were in a country other than the United States I blinked at him and went well I'm Canadian everyone else burst into laughter I used to be in the England badminton squad when I was younger like 10-12 and played County from 12-14 but then gave it up to play rugby we had a new paid teacher who liked to get involved and join in and he seemed to think he was very good at badminton and he fronted the after-school Club which I didn't go to he offered a game to everyone in the class and said if someone got within five points of him scoring goes first 221 points wins he would give them 20 pounds I was nominated by the rest of the class and I ended up winning 21-7 despite him being about 25 years old and a pretty decent player needless to say he was pretty embarrassed original halo used to work in a school few kids were talking trash long story short we grabbed twos boxes after school hooked them up three-on-two quickly turned into a 1 volt for massacre of epic proportions fifty to two or three kids think they old school they saw me needing they hat in pistol in mother fucker riding dirty a co-worker wrote a short melody on his whiteboard and challenge anyone to name that tune I have a music degree and excelled in sight singing I sang it out loud first time through and told him the name right of the Valkyries best response was the guy next to me who then said you can read music in college a co-worker of mine hosted a Hobbes tournament mine was like 10 bucks and the top person from each of the eight tables were matched up to play each other in two games and then the top two of those played in the championship game I asked to join in since he needed people to fill the tables do you even know how to play it won't be like playing on the computer you know I think I can manage okay I can give you some pointers if you like I'm pretty good I learned how to play hearts at 4 and it's something my family did throughout my childhood I've always been able to count cards I guess you would say and keep track of everything that has been played I won the championship round with a score of 7 for those of you who don't know it's like golf when a player crosses 100 points the player with the lowest score wins the person with 118 Mr let me know if you need any help that three hundred and twenty dollars helped pay my rent thanks dude not exactly on topic because they know it but I am really faster to doing math in my head adding subtracting multiplying and division my kids like to play dad versus the calculator they give me an equation and I can usually give them the answer without using paper and pencil before they can get the answer using a calculator on st. Patrick's Day three years ago some guy challenged me to Irish stepdance off what this guy didn't realize was that he decided to start a dance-off against the world champion Irish dancer I had all of my drinks paid for after that not exactly expert but I am bilingual I come from the US but moved to Poland when I was about six years old and now 23 however I don't have an onion accent in either language I sound like a normal American when I speak English and I sound like a normal pole when I speak polish I've had multiple situations where I've corrected someone's English they challenge me then realize I'm a native speaker whoops also funny to hear people talking about me in the other language English speakers when I'm in Poland polish speakers in the UK are often being rude assuming I don't understand just as simple as that so or some small phrase and people go all red I was in my mid-40s at the time my son's babysitter who was on the high school track team challenged me to a footrace 200 yards or so big mistake I don't know why I have never run competitively or trained in any way but I can run I'm 64 now and have eight kids none of whom has ever beat me in a footrace they still occasionally try I sort of did that I was jokingly challenging my philosophy teacher with a 1 meter ruler sorted like a sword he grabbed a pointer and completely disarmed me apparently when he was at Oxford he had done fencing and for quite a while after that stupid Big Bang Theory means everyone thinks they're physicists I have degree in chemistry including three years of quantum mechanics modules from a leading uni but I work in finance so most people just assume I have finance related education one guy I went out with on the first day started explaining to me about cats in boxes and the most condescending tone of voice I wouldn't have cared if hadn't spoken to me like I was an idiot I pulled out a pen and on a napkin wrote the equation and started talking about the concept of wave-particle duality and then asked what he knew about the double slit experiment I didn't get a second date but the people on the next table laughed I was at the annual mud fest in Korea they had mud wrestling however the sexual connotation of the act must have been lost in translation it consisted of 130 - 150 lbs Korean men wrestling each other almost like sumo first person to fall on the ground or fall out of the ten foot diameter inflatable tub was out there was a huge line of like 75 - 100 individuals lined up to wrestle and show off to their friends winner stays I have wrestled for many years competed in judo and have been doing BJJ for seven years at that time I woke up and they stopped yelling American American chanting the in I was demolishing kids like three five seconds I had these guys on the ground or out of the ring I was probable 165 pounds not overly big soon they started asking if they could add more first two then three eventually I was wrestling five people at once I finally got tired after a good 12 - 15 mins fighting off multiple individuals a clock twist my real secret was that I put on water socks and no one noticed in the murky muddy water and it gave me superior grip compared to their naked feet on slippery plastic when I was like 16 my friends and I had a lightsaber battle after a couple feet of snow had fallen now my brother and I fought with those things constantly for years in the yard on the trampoline in the barn loft wherever well during the Battle of Hoth there were snow balls in play as well I guess I got too into it and was used to fighting my brother who was more practiced than my my friends I was running towards a guy he hurls a snowball I come up with the lightsaber and hit the snowball then come back down and hit him right near the collarbone I was told to stop playing so hard sorry can't turn this Jedi swagger off in high school many kids were challenged me to Magic the Gathering because they saw me play it at lunch little did they know I was a pro to a qualifier grinder and a Grand Prix player I have a pretty good one I was sick with a streptococcus throat infection I've had them chronically since I was a child when I was attending college and the nurse gave me a really hard time about getting antibiotics when I went to on campus clinic she kept going on about how students don't realize that a cold won't be fixed with antibiotics and generally being a jerk about it so the doctor comes in looks in my throat for about one second and says yep it's strep we'll get you some antibiotics by the way what do you study here I look at the nurse in the corner beginning to fume from the doctors answer smile and reply microbiology this is backwards I accidentally challenge someone I was talking to a couple of guys at a party and at some point the conversation turned to those pain games kids drunk guys play like punching each other in the fists until someone gives up so I feel pretty confident because I have a high pain tolerance and everyone says the guy I am talking to is the most boring guy ever and never does anything rash stupid interesting twenty or so incredibly painful punches in I'm starting to think maybe he knows something I don't because he shows no signs of discomfort let alone the excruciating pain that I'm feeling he's just smiling at me we stopped talking entirely and the game escalates finally I've lost count and I can't take it anymore I curl up over my swollen purple hand and say something like what the fuck he starts laughing and explains he has nerve damage in his fists from injuries sustained playing this game as a kid he can't feel anything in the area around his knuckles or in the back of either hand no one except me being a dumb bus has challenged him in years because everyone knows he can play forever without any pain whatsoever last week I was going to go upstairs to brush my teeth well lo and behold out of nowhere my daughter gets all cocky and challenges me to a race up the stairs now she's six and in shape but I've been running upstairs my whole damn life so we line up and go charging up the stairs well she I had to let her win like every time not me but on a rugby for a my frequent a few years ago there was a discussion about scrum techniques and a couple of members were discussing it quite heatedly on a thread nobody else was really joined in as most of them knew that one of the participants was a former international forward with over 60 caps eventually somebody told the other bloke who he was arguing with he disappeared and was never seen again I worked at Circuit City installing car stereo and alarms etc this was back in 2001 I obviously didn't have much money a co-worker who had just moved from sales to install was giving me crap about my cheap stereo and explaining how his four 12s were the shit typical rich kid with more money than sense every time I saw the guy he gave me shit about my two cheap tents every fucking time I just let him go and go making an ass of himself then I taped a copy of performance Auto sound magazine to his shiny new toolbox open to the page with the results from I Oscar World Finals I came in fourth in my class oddly I could never get him to go to any competitions with me I wouldn't call myself an expert but I grew up playing euchre with my dad and grime that those two knew their stuff and taught me well as staff Christmas party last year I was standing by the cards table I worked for a company that was very much an old boys club I was the only staff member present who had been there less than 15 years and was a young female so you can imagine what they thought of me I was asked to sit in and hold a spot while one of the guys went to go get drinks I was partnered up with the logistics manager and was playing the CEO and engineering manager I ended up winning two rounds single-handedly and therefore the game the CEO chewed out the engineering manager for his shoddy decision-making and stormed off oops owner of the restaurant I work out brings in this Jimmy key as seen on TV vegetable Dicer the kind where you still have to use a knife to get the food small enough to dice I laughed at him as he tried to tell me how much it's going to save us in the kitchen he challenges me three onions small dice winner gets a case of beer I've been cooking professionally for close to two decades so long story short that was some good beer I was a competitive swimmer when I was in grade school once when I was probably ten or so I was at a swim meet out of town and was doing some recreational swimming in the hotel's pool there were other children and people swimming around and I noticed this full-grown man who was challenging some of the kids to races obviously he was beating all of these eight-year-olds some who were still wearing floaties I swam over and challenged him to a race we agreed on the terms to the other side of the pool and back and started off I immediately pulled past him and sprinted across the pool and back after I reached the other side before he had barely started he just stopped in the middle of the pool and seemed pretty but thought that he had just been destroyed in a race by a ten-year-old girl I was kind of upset that he didn't even try to finish the race once he knew he had lost not quite the same but a similar vein a few years ago I was just starting to get into paintball I go to my local field with my stepdad brothers and a couple friends once we are all set up some kid like 12 years old comes up to us he says his team isn't there yet he's early and he's bored so he challenges the six of us to march we figure odds are in our favor six v1 elimination so we go up against him and this little fucker just throws us I almost got him but missed my shot and my crappy hopper jammed up good times as a female all of the times I've had a mechanic try to screw me over thinking I didn't know shit about cars thankfully my dad has taught me a thing or two happened to my rowing coach she was on a rowing machine in the gym and some guy came up to her saying she was doing it wrong she pretended to ask for help with technique well you see you are using too much back you have to keep your back up straight the whole time and just not swing at the hips at all Oh like this rose without backswing also called under the chest no no legs and arms are a different exercise you gotta do those separately oh okay well thanks I guess my coach told me wrong Oh what sport do you play I'm an Olympic rower I'm only in New Jersey to train for Beijing he walked away silently not an expert but I know how to solve a Rubik's Cube so when my friend arranged one side of it and was boasting about it well it was priceless watching him when I solved it in under a minute so I ski a little bit well a lot since I was 2 and I'm currently 16 also I raced competitively and went to state and went all-conference my freshmen and sophomore year currently a sophomore in my free time I ski terrain park so I'm fairly good at both some kid at school challenged me to a race on a school ski trip he was cocky and nobody liked him he skied a few years himself and I slaughtered him also I gave him a head start and wiped the floor with him then he raced me on a course I beat him by a few seconds each time which is a lot of time in racing then he challenged me to a terrain park competition he gave up after I did a 450 out of the first rail won one stroke force been coming out of the rail mind you this was all on my park skis which are not my race skis skiing isn't very big at my school well one time a guy found out I won multiple TKD tournaments and wanted to challenge me to a boxing match saying TKD didn't help you with real fighting because you know boxing is so much more realistic so we boxed and he left the gym with cuts on both lips and lots of red marks on his face I wasn't even going very hard just because someone does TKD doesn't mean their hands are useless just means the kicks are awesome and fun whenever somebody starts bragging about their car audio system everybody seems to think that system is way louder and has the capability to break glass factors my love for setting up car audio lead me to pursue an electrical engineering degree everybody thinks their system is awesome until they hear my perfectly tuned sub box that doesn't overpower the mids and highs nor drops the voltage dance dance revelution I'm a big guy not obese but I shouldn't sit on flimsy furniture so I have been playing DDR since I was a kid even had a nice thick dance pad to play on some guy was trying to show off to a bunch of girls at an arcade when he finished I walked up to the Machine and he made some offhand comment that I could have a heart attack so I threw it on doubles and heavy mode that shut him up I'm really really good at ping pong I can't count how often I've gone to a buddy's place and had people challenge me I tell them outright that I'll likely annihilate them they take it as a challenge I proceeded to fuck their shit up once I bested 36 games in a row apparently I was really drunk so this was all learned from friends the twist I only played offense this drives people mad as they just spike and spike and spike ez lobs and I return them with a slow spin several guys have tried to fight me it does get really interesting for the whole party when there's another good ping-pong player and shit goes down I was at the gym at work and there's a fit looking older guy running on the treadmill there's also another guy there wandering around not really working out but trying to talk to everyone and offer advice what is it with guys thinking girls need help in the gym haha just being a pest in general he wanders over to the guy running and starts asking him what he's training for running guy answers ultramarathon in a few weeks annoying guys impressed / jokingly and says will you win RG probably a G Oh hahaha yeah you've always got to be positive right RG well I've won it for the last three years and the closest person to me was 15 minutes behind me so yeah I'm pretty positive i surreptitiously checked out his name on the sign-in register and went back to my desk to google him yep multiple records for ultramarathons 24 hours road and treadmill races 48 hours treadmill races : i get challenged on an almost weekly basis I'm a petroleum geologist Aflac you might say and I routinely meet people who are talking about a subject they know absolutely nothing about my buddy and I were at a shit bar in the Bronx just playing pool two guys extremely local looking come over and challenged us to a game we wipe the floor with them they asked us for another with $20 on the line we refused because we were terrible and knew they were trying to hustle us you think you're good at wasting someone's time but I am the expert just the other day one of my classmates invited me over for a night of drinking and Smash Brothers I ended up beating him and his friend two-on-one with every character he said he's not having me over for drinks and Smash Bros anymore when I was at uni a friend of one of my housemates was doing a PhD in Irish studies now I'm Irish born there lived in England most of my life and don't have an accent so most people just assume I'm English all that because I've lived in the UK so long that I don't know much about Irish history this guy decided to try and teach me about the Easter Rising of 1916 and telling me that the flag that was raised wasn't the same one as we now know as the Republic of Ireland flag it was a different one to which I replied I know my great-uncle was the one who hosted it we've got the signed military records from that day at my parents house schooled shooting I've been shooting most of my life starting when I joined Cub Scouts and working on it until I hit Eagle and getting all of the merit badges and winning awards while I was at it my mom's family is from a tiny bumfuck town in ne Minnesota it's a town full of northern rednecks you know the kind trucks and camo cargo jackets I am from the south but live in a city anyway we were up there visiting and they asked if I wanted to go shooting and I did when I got there they were cracking jokes and giving me the shitty guns something a city boy like me could handle we did target shooting and skeet and I crushed them wearing nothing but according to them package grew clothes they didn't talk much shit after that I have a friend who always finds wacky physics theories on the internet and tries to convince me that they are correct he left school 16 and although he is much smarter than you would expect for someone like that he seems to be easily swayed by what he reads and doesn't know enough to disprove most of what he reads I am studying physics at a decent University not to sound like a bellend but I know what I'm talking about when it comes to physics we've had so many arguments where he has completely ignored fundamental parts of physics and claimed that my understanding is lacking the amount of times I have said I passed an exam on this last week month and he claims his incomplete understanding of things is sometimes infuriating I'm not the expert my dad is it bugs me that he is social that he never stands up and show people he knows his business he collects vinyl records has thousands of them and know the value and shit when he came visit me I'm leaving in another city we went to some record stores and antique fairs he had a lot of opportunities to show himself but never did the sellers went like this is the rarest one I've got you are not going to find one of those ever in the Internet they cost ten times more than what I'm asking and he just thanked and leave the store and then tell me I've got two already similar things happened all the time he also knew when things were air but sellers didn't had a clue for example he found the record in antique fair for five bucks whose value was over five hundred edit I used to play trumpet in a local Symphony I gave it up because people became too competitive and dicks rather than just accepting the fact that we were making music my friend was in the orchestra as well as a violin player after I had quit I went to one of the concerts and afterward I had no trouble getting backstage because I used to be tight with the security guard back when I played so I met up with my friend and he asked what I thought about things and how they sounded after I gave him my thoughts he joked that they were missing a strong trumpet part this launched me into a little critique of the brass section just then this girl must have been fairly new because I have no idea who she was walks up to me and says very bitch-like I overheard what you're saying who in the hell do you think you are to criticize our music like that I simply said honey I was the principal trumpet player for five years she then tried to make up for her rudeness and asked why I no longer played I smiled and said because of people like you props to every expert here whose field isin't video games I'm shit at everything not an expert but I was invited to a Christmas party last year they had a dessert competition not very many people knew I'm going to college for culinary arts one unanimously he told me that he wanted a rematch next Christmas I'm taking my baking class this semester good luck mister just the other day on reddit I commented that a photo of a church and mountains in Italy must be way north in Italy because it looked more Swiss Austrian I was referring to the style of church which had a bulb type dome on the steeple which is very Tyrolean but I didn't specify someone commented ahaha ask me how I know you've never been to Italy there are lots of mountains like that and I replied that I have been to Milan Padua Venice Pissarro Abbey no Florence Sienna se see all the arrow and Rome studying art and architecture and that I was referring to the kotecha I was by no means an expert but I was the best at marry a cart of my friends and I had the new kid in town over at my house with another friend and he asked if we could play Mario Kart I only had two working controllers so we took turns I can't remember the order so I won't go over that but it was me and the new kid and the fucker destroyed me like not beat me a little he was so far ahead of me it was insane he even used that drift hopping thing you seem really good people use and he used all the shortcuts and everything it was crazy luckily he was nice enough to explain it to us instead of just showing off and keeping it a secret like so many kids do he was really cool but his dad was in the military so the next year or so and he was gone okay there I was a 14 year old girl autistic cripplingly shy I was known as the silent one I had known this group of people for three years but I had never said more than two words to any of them mostly guys they would always get in stupid contests to prove their match Onis that is who can heat the hottest pepper heat a Grand Slam from Denny's the fastest etc this time it was who can chug a bottle of water the fastest I have this weird ability to instead rink a water bottle by crushing it flat and basically inhaling it without saying a word I grab a bottle of water and sit at the table rhythm they were a bit weirded out but they went with it everyone chugs and by the time any of them drank an inch of water I was done most of them just stopped and stared with their mouths open in a mixture of awe and revulsion it was glorious my friend was drunk and challenged me to a slap there chess match the next day when we were sober he has a video of his face getting slapped wasn't an expert of chess but way better than my friend as a teenager I was pretty good at armwrestling so that big and older guy challenged me on that one party I think he was in a benchpress team relatively I fucking destroyed him his friends were laughing their asses off for me it was the other way around in middle school and high school I knew a friend of a friend who really loved Call of Duty one day at a party a few of us happen to be playing Cod after watching him play a bit I go ok I bet I can take you long story short the guide destroys me and all I could say was oh yeah I guess you're pretty good that guy was actually Damon karma bolo he is currently a pro card player and arguably one of the best in the world TL DR I challenge one of the world's best card players to a game expecting to win I no longer play FPS games I was at the fair with a girl first date we walked past a clown sitting on one of those dunk tank things he was trash-talking everyone that was walking by made fun of my jeans and her boots little did he know I was a little league pitcher Hana paid the money and got three balls threw the first one and missed a little too low gave the second ball to my day to have a go she missed too last ball threw it harder nailed the target watching him go completely silent as he hung suspended for half a second before going into the water was priceless to make it worse for him the fair was just about to close so it was a cool full night not the best time for a dip he didn't have anything to say after that ended up making out with my date so yeah I think she was impressed too camping in line overnight for episode 1 tickets back in college start playing a game of Trivial Pursuit with the people next to me not as fun as watching a matrix VCD on a portable TV others and the line had brought out but still pretty fun anyway I get to the final phase of the game where you have all six pipe pieces but you still have to go to the center and answer one question based on the color of their choice when I get to the center they choose sports I mean we're a bunch of engineering school students in line at midnight for a Star Wars movie safe bet right well I'm no expert or anything but I know my sports tree dead simple question game over easiest Trivial Pursuit win in my life turns out all it was good for was as a story that no one will read Andra did 16 years later but I'm okay with that oh and I didn't even get tickets to the midnight showing got stuck with a 3:00 a.m. ticket instead stupid college towns with only one screen showing it even if it was a 900 person theater my ex once mentioned in passing that he knows French I didn't even have to be an expert bf hey I know French me Jill you really be F yes I know it so well me your test starts now bf what me Oh should we on Paula ray Suleiman 10 phone say bf bun J me ly i er I work in maintenance and when the operator supervisor lets me know a machine is down they try to guess or tell me the cause all the time one guy has been at this company working around a machine for around 20 years he has never even been close to the correct cause of an issue his suggestions would be like saying my tire is flat I must need an oil change at the county fair I was on the receiving end of some of natured heckling from a couple of farmhands real good ol a boy types they were being dickheads to everybody who signed up for the skid loader rodeo smack-talking anybody with house shit hot they are and how anybody else is just embarrassing themselves for whatever reason they especially targeted me with their llama source rural Iowa smack talk it got to the point where the one got on my face to make a boring story short I managed an agricultural business all I do asset businesses operate a skid Street tractor i won ten bucks and made a pair of brothers eat crow sort of i had a wheel break off my honda pilot SUV honda USA told me over the phone that the wheel is held on by a part that was designed to wear out under operating conditions they claimed that this wasn't a manufacturing defect I'm a mechanical engineer I know that wheels aren't designed to break off of cars so I made model wooden swords awhile ago and one day my friend and I were in the garage no idea why and he challenged me to a SWAT fight now no one knew but at the time I'd been doing fencing for a few months so considering I'm kind of scrawny and all he was surprised when I blocked every single one of his attacks and won five times in a row somebody challenged me to play a round of Age of Empires to medieval strategy computer game against him I used to play that game on a competitive level so I just proceeded to play at roughly the same snail's pace speed he did sometimes attack him with a weak arm is to make it look like I'm struggling to beat him while in reality ninety percent of my traps were tucked away hidden in the back of my lands it was close both arena map that made it really easy to hide them from him so I continued to act like I'm struggling and slowly start to give in to his siege attacks making it look he's actually going to win the game at one point he asks in a victoriously smug voice so looks like the game is over right to which I reply looks like it and before he could say anything else roughly a hundred fully upgraded a leet Teutonic Knights emerged from my side of the fog of war and proceeded to annihilate everything in their path his reaction was priceless it went from complete disbelief where are all those units from to denial you cheating a shot and various other emotions while I just had a hearty laugh if you want to get nothing in return you can like and join my discord there is a link in the description

Channel: Reddit Jar

Views: 3,768,630

Rating: 4.8748627 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/AskReddit, ask reddit, askreddit, updoot, toadfilms, sir reddit, reddit jar, askreddit funny, askreddit dumb, reddit ama, reddit ask me anything, r/askreddit, reddit stories, reddit story, askreddit scary, askreddit stupid, scary stories, askreddit new, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, askreddit top posts, subreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, askreddit stories, best of reddit, reddit best, funny askreddit, storytime with reddit, r/

Id: X1qcI1WcPBg

Length: 47min 38sec (2858 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 24 2019