Lawyers Of Reddit - Interesting Cases & Ridiculous Clients [1 Hour Compilation] (r/AskReddit)

lawyers has there ever been a time the opposing counsel accidentally proved your case for you and what happened my favorite is a story from Jerry Spence for those who don't know he is a famous trial attorney a witness on the stand was claiming that he had suffered injuries to his arm because of a city bus accident Jerry asked him to demonstrate to the jury how far he can lift up his arm after the accident be the witness makes a feeble effort of lifting his arm then Jerry asks the witness to demonstrate to the jury how far he could lift up his arm before the accident he lifts his arm much higher the jury laughs the case is over not a lawyer but took my bills landlord to small claims court he's on SSI and I'm his cancer Victor we sued her for over $4,000 after she just decided she didn't like him and change the locks on his apartment door she also stuffed all of his belongings into trash bags and dragged them out to the curb this was all done the day after she cashed his rent check it all started because she was letting herself into his apartment with no notice and was going through his stuff while he was gone when I found out about this I told him to let her know that was not okay he did and that's why she kicked him out I'm very organized and presented the judge with a folder containing photos receipts short videos on DVD in the sheriff core logs as well as a concise timeline of events the landlord showed up with her son and countersued for the exact same amount we were suing them for claiming that the apartment was trashed there were holes in the walls and they would have to repair everything before being able to rent again during the hearing the judge asked for evidence of the damage to the room the son whipped out his cellphone and showed a video panning and walking around the room the video showed my bills apartment obviously still being lived in his stuff was all still there and no visible damage but there were a lot of posters and things hung on the walls when the judge looked at the video he asked where is the damage the son replied you can't see it it's behind all of the posters the judge frowned and looked at the video again and then said did you take this video when he was still living there at this I'm the son replied yes this was the clincher the judge then asked did you ask his permission to enter the apartment to take this video silence we were awarded the full amount this should be a lot higher up I'm glad your brother is safe now domestic violence case where the husband beat the wife senseless landlord tried to evict wife for breach of lease due to the beating landlord claimed wife violated lease terms by allowing police to be cooled to property and causing a disruption my argument was that as a domestic violence victim wife is covered under Vaughn the property is HUD subsidized also mdl off SBV protections to landlords counsel during his opening talked about how my client was beaten and the police were called in an ambulance etc I just stood there looking at him when he finished judge asked if I had anything to say my response no your honor I believe opposing counsel has said everything that needs to be said judge smiled and ruled in my clients favor landlord can't evict DV victim that landlord sounds like a garbage human I worked as an intern for a lawyer construction law in France are quite strict in regard to the neighboring of historical monuments the city was denying a permit for heavy modification of the house of our clients they were arguing that because you could see the house from the churches bell tower modifications were impossible as the support they kindly linked us to a 360 degree picture from said bell tower we as kindly pointed to them that our clients house was indeed not visible from the top of the church building permit was greenlit the following day not a lawyer but I am a former insurance fraud investigator we were at a hearing before the WCB I had something like 18 hours of video spread over a two-week period of a claimant doing roofing work the problem for me was that the video didn't get a clear face shot normally what we liked to do was get in close show the face for a positive identification and then zoom out bonus if the claimant was wearing distinctive clothing that could easily be tied to him because of where this guy lived all I could do a show some one who matched his description getting out of a truck registered to him every morning he wore a hat he had a beard and he had neither a hearing so the company lawyer is prepping me and basically letting me know to be on point because the claimants attorney is almost certainly going to challenge the fact that it is his client in the video if the video got tossed the case was lost about two minutes into the hearing claimants attorney agrees to stipulate to the fact that it is his clients in all of the video all of it our attorney was shocked that was pretty much the only leg he had to stand on claimant attorney was incredibly smug right after this like it was no big deal evidently his strategy was to show that his client wasn't really a professional roofer since he was doing the roof the wrong way he tried to get me to answer questions about roofing I refused as it was beyond the scope of my work and he just wouldn't let it go after about an hour of back-and-forth over this the judge finally said counselor it doesn't matter if your client is doing the work well what matters is that he has stated numerous times and under oath that he cannot work whether he's doing it for free for cash or for fun has no bearing on the fact that he's doing roofing work while collecting compensation benefits which he was awarded because he couldn't do roofing work the garlis turn had to repay a bunch of benefits after a few of those hearings I began formulating a list of lawyers I would never hire and ones I would absolutely want on my side I worked for a PI some of our most lucrative work was surveillance of personal injury claimants one guy was supposed to be unable to remove his surgical collar from around his neck we got some great footage of him doing so and sporting a rich deep suntan I had to go to court over a financial dong up when I was a student took advice from the University legal support team who said I didn't need a solicitor so I went in alone the judge didn't like this and postponed it for another date so I could prove I'd had more counsel first the other party's solicitor caught me outside the court and said I didn't tell you this but and pointed out a huge error in the financial paperwork that made it very obviously come out in my favor went back to legal support got confirmation that it was right went to the second hearing alone and got the entire thing thrown out the other solicitor went at me as he left saved me about 9k pounds nice chapter what a great act that lawyer solicitor had every right to argue their case and try to win but instead made sure a kid didn't get screwed a plus person if I had a misdemeanor possession case I was defending client was driving his mom's car he gets pulled over for playing the stereo too loud there are pills in the center console in a prescription pill bottle the bottle has his mom's name on it client gets arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance without a prescription case is obviously Bull's but the dumbest man I've ever met and my life won't dismiss we go to trial during closing arguments that assess this case is a circumstantial evidence case during my closing I slapped the jury instruction on the projector that says if a case is based on circumstantial evidence and there is one factual scenario that points to guilt and one that points to innocence the jury must find in favor of the defendant and acquit my client was acquitted when I first started my firm had me on a case where the client claimed he lost because of ineffective assistance of counsel basically saying that the old lawyer didn't do his job so we prepare an argument based on not asking the right questions not communicating etc we think it's going to be a tough case but not unwinnable then we get the response to our complaint where the old lawyer argues that he was only ineffective because he didn't have time to prepare for the case and only reviewed it the morning of the original trial he had known about the case for months by the way the judge saw this and during the trial we had essentially asked hasn't this the definition of ineffective counsel not giving enough time to your client the silence from his side of the court was amazing needless to say the trial didn't last much longer than that thanks opposing counsel I guess you were ineffective for both of you I once had a district attorney indicate of the court that if defense counsel had included this argument in his motions it would possibly be a valid argument I interrupted him with the page number and heading era was located I was an attorney for the estate of her husband defending against claims for money by the separate estate of a wife over proceeds from the sale of a business back in 1996 both husband and wife died in 2010 suit was filed early 2011 went to trial in 2014 wife got around 10% of the business in 1996 husband got the rest he had built and operated it for 35 years prior to marriage and sold it seven years into the marriage the whole case hinged on whether the valuation of the business in 1996 was reasonable or not we say you can't value a business 15 years later with all the documents gone in all the main people in the business dead or missing they say they have enough info to show the 1996 valuation should have been higher opposing counsels gets a big-time expert to testify that the business sold off 45 million dollars based on evaluation but should have sold for 70 million dollars and the husband had 25 million dollars in real estate in the transaction we get that testimony and then realize the 1996 valuation of the business was done by the same expert this is the absolutely most perfect catch-22 I have ever seen so now we ask okay so was the evaluation wrong in 1996 or is it wrong now experts says his 1996 valuation was right based on the information he had in 1996 but his valuation now is more correct which then bares a question what information do you have now that you didn't have in 1996 answer I don't know I don't have my file from 1996 nobody keeps documents that long and despite this lack of records his valuation is somehow more correct now judge basically said the expert was talking out of both sides of his ass and we won when I first started practicing I handled a custody case where my client mom had a problem with dad smoking around the kids I asked him if he regularly smoked around the kids to which he replied that he doesn't smoke tobacco only weed in the house obviously this raised eyebrows as it is illegal in my state he then went into a long diatribe about how he he follows the law of the streets he actually said this and doesn't recognize the authority of the court he was currently in front of needless to say mom got full custody especially after dad was arrested for going to the court services officers house late at night and trying to kick her door in my public defender wife not a redditor or I'd get her to speak for herself was trying a case where the defendant who has accused love filling fraudulent prescriptions now keep in mind P DS deal with a lot of shady characters who maintain their innocence with increasingly implausible stories as the evidence gets worse so you can get a bit jaded after a while but you don't have to believe your clients story to represent them vigorously so the prosecution has grainy surveillance video of someone who looks like the defendant getting the prescription filled and the abuse to fill it which belongs to the defendant defendant maintains that someone still has it and is using it because they look similar but never reported the arrest stolen wife is skeptical that the jury will go for that but she's always willing to go to trial if at what the client wants so perhaps that defense and heads into trial prosecutor brings in the pharmacist who reported the prescription issue go through the usual routine of establishing who she is where she works was this thea dues that day etc finally the prosecutor asks a pharmacist if the person who attempted to fill the prescription that day is in the courtroom no oops did the judge immediately dismiss the case my opposing counsel made some off-the-cuff remarks about how their client had to go to another remote office to get all the records they wanted to use against my client that let me know the witness they were trying to use to introduce the records as evidence wasn't actually familiar with the records or the records keeping process in the jurisdiction we were in records were exception to hearsay rule but you needed someone familiar with the creation and maintenance of the records to get them admitted I attacked the witness qualifications to get the records admitted and ended up getting the records excluded I then made a motion for a directed verdict on the grounds they couldn't prove the case without the records and one all because the opposing counsel complained that their witnesses had to go way out of their way to get records for the court I had a hearing where the opposing party offered an updated contract that my client supposedly signed except it was a horrible copy and barely readable then he assured the judge that the new contract was exactly the same as the old contract except for the party name at the top the original contract was in his mom's name the new one in his name and the date of the contract itself he made that assurance multiple times after he exhausted himself saying how everything was the same I then pointed out to the judge that half the provisions were different in that my client had never signed that form the judge asked if we were really accusing him of forging my clients signature since that's a serious accusation I held up the guy's prior conviction for contracts fraud and said I absolutely am your honor we won hands down no further arguments needed Rowe those guys were either incredibly stupid or stupidly confident in their skills of trickery but lawyers offered it what are some interesting laws loopholes in Oklahoma if you are an adopted child you will be considered an heir of both your adoptive parents and your biological parents after their death double inheritance in South Dakota if you ride a horse to school and the temperature is below a certain point the school is forced to house and feed bit false there are neither schools or horses in either of the Dakotas as a lawyer I'm going to give a serious answer which may not be super interesting to the layman but is an example of a true loophole in Australia as in most developed countries we have a set of laws designed to stop company management from improperly fleecing the creditors of limited liability companies so for instance if your company is going down the tubes and so you decide to simply transfer all of the company's assets to yourself or if you keep running up debts you could not possibly pay then you can be held liable in order to be held liable for the above the company's liquidator needs to be able to prove that the company was insolvent at the time you engaged in the improper conduct which necessarily requires analyzing the company's financial records if the company never kept financial records which is itself a breach of the law then insolvency is presumed to avoid company directors being able to avoid liability in that way now for the loophole the above presumption only applies if your company did not keep or retain financial records however the instant your company is in liquidation the equivalent of bankruptcy in the USA a company director ceases to be an agent of the company so if they take the company's books and destroy them then the presumption of insolvency does not apply since it was not the company that destroyed them you can be prosecuted for the destruction of the company's books but it's basically a slap on the wrist fine in practice so long as you can live with that it means you can get away with virtually any unlawful conduct you engaged in while running the company the above may not be something that pops up every day and it may not make for great party conversation but it is a rather gaping loophole that makes a huge difference to a directors responsibility in Australia posting a sign saying you aren't responsible doesn't necessarily make you not responsible for example say a dry cleaning shop posts not responsible for lost or damaged clothing my favorite or the gravel trucks that have a sign on the back stating stay back 200 feet not responsible for broken windows how many people actually believe that in Michigan if a Sue's B and secures a judgment for money damages these are the rules on what B can keep all family pictures all arms and accouterments required by law to be kept by any person all wearing apparel of every personal family and provisions and fuel for comfortable subsistence of each householder and his or her family for six months B all household goods furniture utensils books and appliances not exceeding in value $1000 C a seat pyew or slip occupied by the judgment debtor or the judgment debtors family in any house or place of public worship and all cemeteries tombs and rites of burial one amuses repositories of the dead of the judgment debtors family or kept for burial of the judgment debtor D to each householder and sheep to cows five swine 100 hens five roosters and a sufficient quantity of hay and grain growing or otherwise for properly keeping the animals and poultry for six months II the tools implements materials stock apparatus team vehicle motor vehicle horses harness or other things to enable a person to carry on the profession trade occupation or business in which the person is principally engaged not exceeding in value of one thousand dollars in Texas you can keep your house in bankruptcy no matter the value then one of the Enron guys claimed the homestead exemption on a fifteen million dollar house the feds made then change the law after that I regularly tell people there is no magic number on a DUI charge while there is a legal DUI limit to eight in the states above which you are automatically considered impaired so long as the reading is considered valid and admissible most states have laws which allow any amount of alcohol in your system to qualify for the charge of the state can show the amount no matter how low sufficiently impaired your ability to operate the vehicle here we have DUI driving under the influence and DWI driving while intoxicated as basically separate laws the first requires ro8 the second requires are showing you were intoxicated to a point your ability was sufficiently lessened fun fact to throw out at the local bar when someone starts talking about how they had three beers and are below the legal limit and therefore won't get a DUI as a result I work at a petrol station in the UK if you fill up your car and walk into the shop without a suitable means of pay forgot your cash card doesn't work we will give you an IOU form and you are not legally required to come back and pay the balance we can send you a maximum of three letters and that's it it would cost us more for court costs et Cie to get the cash off you sorry I ain't pertaining to apps lawyer answers but I thought you would find this useful I read in a book once that there is an outdated law in Alberta that hasn't been changed this was a few years back though that if you are released from jail you can demand a loaded gun into a horse to ride out of town anybody know what happened to this one my boss home brews beer and he found out that in Texas if you brew the beer yourself you can legally consume it even if you are underage you can even buy all the needed equipment while underage to my boss home breeds beer with a beginning like that this comment could not possibly be bad lawyers offered it what's the stupidest case you've been asked to take on and did you my mother said that at a law firm she used to work at many years ago they had received a call from a gentleman that wanted to file a lawsuit against Walt Disney when asked why he was filing suit he claimed that the Disney characters were coming out of the TV and stealing food from his refrigerator they told him they'd take the case for an advance fee of 100k dollars and never heard back from him lawyer for 12 years client was charged with stealing a mobile toilet after we won he told me he still owns it the sucker has the thing in his backyard because he was lazy as Frick his office was nearby forced him to deliver it back at night Jesus still offended that he lied to me me the whole time clients wanted to sue because there were no strawberries in her fruit salad which she bought from a supermarket thankfully as Secretary was able to screen the call she asked if the package said it had strawberries and the response was no but I thought it would have I don't know how these people managed to make it through life my father is a patent attorney and when I was around 14 he told me about a guy who wanted to patent the iPhone 3 because aliens have given him the design for it my father told him that if the aliens originally designed then they were the ones that had to patent it not him it freakin genius I'm a prosecutor so I don't get hired to represent anyone I work for the government but I do have discretion over how the prosecution progresses that says deciding to proceed deciding what to offer in the event of a plea bargain deciding to withdraw the charges etc I had a case a few months ago where a man was charged with shoplifting turned out he was seventy years old had absolutely no criminal record and had shoplifted a sandwich which he ate politely in the store he honestly thought he had paid for it I was so angry that he was ever charged in the first place when I saw him in court he was absolutely terrified I withdrew the charges and wished him well I have no idea how it progressed that far I had a client come in saying that he needed to sue sue for robbing all his checks when I asked him if Stu had a last name he said no when I asked him if he knew any Stu he said no when I asked him what proof he had that Stu was robbing him he showed me all of his pay stubs there were clear monthly deductions by SKU as soon as I saw it I knew I asked do you have children he said yes I then told him your Stu is the SKU the support collection unit they take money out of your check to pay for your child he left the office insisting that we needed to find Stu that's just really frickin sad I didn't surance defense for a long time including insurance fraud investigations for insurance companies you wouldn't believe how many people take a video inventory of their house only to have it mysteriously burned down the next day you really can't fix stupid woman wanted me to sue McDonald's because their employees beat up her son who was trying to rob the place reminds me of the other gal advice thread where a parent was asking about suing a girl who had punched her son and broke his nose but looking through the posters history it was clear that the son had been punched while attempting to sexually assault a girl when I was in law school I did the criminal defense clinic where we help a public defender I say help because they just give you small cases to do by yourself I had a guy accused of shoplifting a yellow FUBU shirt guess what he wore to the trial oh gosh done yellow FUBU shirt I asked the prosecutor to reoffer the plea deal she did and I convinced the guy to take community service and probation if I remember correctly our public defender system is tragically overworked and underfunded but a guy who has an abundance of yellow few boo shirts is less likely to shoplift another probably too late here but I was a civil rights investigator we had one guy complained that he was fired from his factory job because of his race he was black owner of the factory said it was because the guy was smoking crack on his lunch break turns out he was smoking crack on his lunch break but so were a few of his white co-workers and they were not fired but the owner agreed to pay the guy six months of back pay and give him a neutral reference that sounds like a really [ __ ] case technically he was wrong but technically he was correct I was working in a law firm and got a call from reception advising that someone had arrived needing some intellectual property advice I arrived at reception to find a clearly disturbed a woman with a persistent facial twitch in a small wheeled suitcase I took her to a conference room to discuss making sure I kept a good line of sight to reception she put the suitcase on the table and opened it to reveal a stack of thousands of handwritten pages and one half of a pair of scissors so I guess a scissor she explained that she had written a manuscript about how the City Council gave her schizophrenia and hepatitis aliens stole her pets and that it was all part of a bigger conspiracy involving the army and the Illuminati she was worried that our local newspaper was going to steal her thoughts and publish her manuscript without her consent and wanted to register the copyright in her manuscript we then had a perfectly rational and reasonable discussion about copyright laws I explained that in our jurisdiction she didn't need to register it and that she had rights as an author automatically on creation of the work I told her the most useful thing she could do is ensure she had evidence of her creative work and that she should send a digital copy to herself and a friend and also leave a copy with a friend and that way if it was published without her consent she could prove it was her work we spoke for nearly an hour she thanked me and then left she got free legal advice and I didn't get stabbed with a scissor I hope she found the help she needs a lady in prison in my state tried to sue the State Department of Corrections for holding her against her will a lawyer wouldn't touch it it takes a special kind of stupid to try that I had a teacher that worked for a major video game publisher one of the top ten ones he told me that when people tried to see them for small amounts due to some game being bad they would just pay whatever the person wanted it was cheaper than dealing with a country terrible justice system except one day a guy sued then because a game was bad he was a law student self representing and tried to throw the book at the company they decided to make an exception for this guy they instead threw the book back at him the lawsuit kept escalating until both sides wasted lots of time and money then as final stroke they offered to settle in front of a judge there in front of the judge they put the price of the game on the table in cash and told the guide to just take it and stop bothering them the judge thought it was very fair and told the guy that if he refused that settlement he would be fined guy was very unhappy he expelled like five thousand US dollars in bureaucracy and airplane fares to get sixty US dollars I'm a lawyer but this happened to a friend of mine he got engaged and apparently this P of his xgf the xgf sued him for custody of their two cats and five hundred thousand dollars for something like the lost value of the cats because she claimed they were service animals and they were not at all service animals guy I know worked for the DPP and told me about a case where a guy was up on car theft charges which is like five years max bit he was very likely to get a suspended sentence probation as it was a first ever offense the dumb boss though thought it would be a good idea to go and intimidate the witness into not testifying the witness called the cops and had CCTV footage of this so he copped an extra charge with a twenty year max and there was no way in heck he was getting a suspended sentence or probation on that one not a lawyer yet but this happened while I was doing my 1l summer internship I worked at a law library in a county lockup there were plenty of interesting stories one I already posted but I figured I would share another I also have no privileges shoes an inmate was charged with felony possession and was coming down almost weekly to do research but he was basically looking for a way to get rid of a walnut receipt and video which indicated that he had purchased a box of bullets giving officers cause to search and find the weapon one day he brings in one of the law books he purchased and had reviewed he pointed to the section the discussed reasonable expectation of privacy and argued that the officers had not asked his permission to view the video and thus had invaded his privacy I pointed to parts of the book that explained reasonable expectations still wasn't getting it finally I asked him who owned the video Walmart then wouldn't it be their decision but it's me in the video whose video is it rinse and repeat for about five minutes before he finally huffed off a lady once called asking us to sue her neighbors they were using voodoo on her fortunately she had psychic powers and thus knew what they were doing I respectfully declined voodoo only works if you believe it does just tell any targets to stop believing in it because believing gives it power without going into too many details had a guy that wanted to bring a class action against the company that made his underwear because he was convinced his underwear was the reason he had a crooked dong he assured us that as soon as the jury saw his dong they'd side with him no we didn't take it I worked as a receptionist at a small personal injury firm and was the first line of defense against the more outlandish cases one of the most ridiculous calls I took involved a woman wanting to sue her cat's veterinarian for malpractice because her cat scratched her which in turn supposedly caused her liver to fail and a slew of other health problems to her eyes she believed the vet was at fault because she was convinced the cat was carrying some obscure disease and the vet had failed to catch it it was my second day on the job so I put her through to an attorney not yet knowing what else to do with such a ridiculous situation she got a firm sorry can't help you're from our office in part because we did not do malpractice veterinary or otherwise but also because she sounded like a one-way ticket to crazy town a good secretary receptionist who knows how to keep the crazies out of your office is worth their weight in gold two attorneys when one of the older partners in my office retired there was basically a bidding war for his secretary among the younger partners who didn't have an experienced secretary I am a personal injury lawyer in the UK I took a call from a potential client that had fallen down the stairs in her own home she had tripped over her own cat she told me that she wanted to sue her local authority as her home was owned by the council and she was not allowed to keep pets as part of a lease she claimed that when the house was inspected she was not told to get rid of the cat it was therefore the council's fault that she fell down the stairs we didn't take the case on honestly if she could pay up front I know plenty of plaintiffs side attorneys who would take that her money's as good as anyone elses if she wants it on contingency then flick that a guy found Iraq in the middle of Melbourne CBD that he believed came from an underground volcano therefore he discovered the volcano and he owned the volcano and that the Melbourne City Council and indeed the Victorian government should pay him rent to live on top of his underground volcano no no I did not take on the case fun facts Australia is the only continent with no active volcanoes sometimes you have no choice but to take it I represented a guy who sold and leased cars a woman worked for a company that let her drive a company van to work as part of a carpool effort she'd keep the van at home and picked up fellow workers to go to work then bring them back to their homes one day going to work she was stopped at a stop light some guided and stopped in time and bumped into the van she got out to look she and the other guy agreed no damage so each went on his her way later a woman who was a passenger decided discovered she was injured went to a lawyer the lawyer sued the company the driver and every passenger in the van the lawyer deposed each passenger got the name of their auto insurance company sent a demand letter for coverage one of the passengers said I don't have a car but my systems so they sued the sister she said I don't have insurance because I leased the car and they provide insurance so the lawyer sued my client and sent a demand letter for insurance coverage one prospective clients wanted me to sue Burger King from no longer serving pancakes and now they are back at three for 89 cents you must have put the fear of God into em my dad is an in-house lawyer for a major American insurance company he once spent an entire year trying to help deny insurance benefits for a painter who had stepped off his ladder onto a cat fallin down the stairs and become paralyzed the insurance company was arguing that a cat was a commonly expected occupational hazard for a painter and after he was negligent in not checking so cats before stepping down a whole year of his life over whether a cat is a known occupational hazard of house painting divorce lawyers offered it what's the most outrageous reason someone filed for divorce my aunt was dating an unemployed dude for a while he was staying in her house rent-free they got married and were getting ready to go on the honeymoon when the new husband tells her he's not going because he has to take care of his plants if a house a big fight aunt goes on the honeymoon with her sisters instead she comes home and tries to kick him out of her house he refuses to leave she tries to get the police involved Dudus live streaming on Facebook how he is being trapped in his own home police tell me there is basically nothing they can do can file for eviction after a divorce dude gets to live in her house with his precious plants for like three months until everything legally gets worked out paralegal a couple got divorced over a cat wife called cat snowball because of white fur and only wanted the cat away to wet food or chicken breast husband called cat Lily again because of white fur and believed it should only eat dry food these two argued for a year over custody of the cat but did not give a crap about their human kids aged 15 months four years and six years old colleague handled a case where money was not an issue but the kids were neither parents wanted them my mom worked in abuse and neglect counseling and juvenile justice there are a lot more cases like this than I'd care to admit parents divorce and neither side wants a kid some of them are that neither side once a kid but we'll fight over another kid if ends up totally screwing them over because they have to live with the fact that their parents didn't want them my aunt had a case where the wife had glued all of the outdoor hoses together so he weld and spend more time washing his vehicle anymore when the glue didn't work she just cut them all up when he bought new ones she filed for divorce my 90 year old clouds the husband and his son retained me to initiate divorce proceedings with his 88 year old wife they'd be married 60 years the wife had recently taken to beating him with his own cane because their daughter poisoned her into thinking he was hiding money from them the battle came down to husband and son versus wife and daughter at their first court appearance my client showed up in an old 1950s style pinstripe suit and fedora he was a farmer his whole life and this was clearly the only suit he owned he was such a meek and lovely old gentleman I had to pass my client on to a new lawyer midway through the proceedings because I accepted a job in a different country but I understand the divorce was eventually granted not a divorce lawyer but I had a friend whose parents divorced for irreconcilable differences over time spent playing EverQuest in my game design class it was referred to as a ver crack I had I've been aching to tell this story for a while so this girl I went to school with marries this rich guy from Ohio she moves in with him and they seem to get along well six months later she files for divorce up to that point all I've heard from her was how good it was going anyways it turns out how buddy had a fetish for going off on urine he asked her to urinate on him in the tub at first she agrees to it if she thought it was a one-time thing but he kept asking for it more and more she tried to decline it respectfully but he wouldn't get any other hints she finally used the tubs being too small as a reason next day she comes home with two dozen construction guys and their heavy equipment tearing the bathroom walls a week or so later they finish up the bathroom she comes home to a sign left on the fridge with a note to drink up she got some watering to do I don't know what exactly she put down as the official reason in the paperwork but that was definitely her biggest reason to walk out of that relationship oh I forgot to add he also wanted to bring a horse to do the deed as well and at times asked her to make animal sounds while she stood on top of him she comes home to a sign left on the fridge with a note to drink up she got some watering to do the thread above this made me sad that this one picked me right up dying of laughter my grandfather's brother was a judge who presided over state ashiya marriages from time to time one couple he married returned six months later to confirm the wedding and end their trial marriage when he thusly informed them that there was no such thing in that they had been married for six months they subsequently broke up that sounds nutty but if you believed you so when they told you trial marriages were a real thing the betrayal could very easily end the marriage my dad was a divorce lawyer he had a client who wanted to divorce her husband for two reasons one he did not have enough hair on his chest two he did not drive fast enough keep in mind this was in the seventies when chest hair was a bit more important crap yet it would have been embarrassing to show up late at a pool party and your man not having a decent chest Bush I didn't like her anymore two days after being married in sickness and in health till disinterest do you part she was kidnapped in Mexico and he refused to pay ransom eventually her family managed to pay and she was left on the side of the road it is not outrageous as in petty but outrageous as how absurd that is honey I love you but we agreed to save up money so we can purchase a house your ransom would really set us back I knew a guy from a high school job who divorced his wife of two months because she would sleep with a nightlight but he could only sleep in total darkness as they apparently never lived together until after getting married he hated her nightlight so much that he would often sleep on the couch instead but sometimes he would claim the bed for himself and lock her out of the bedroom for the night this was an eccentric late 40s man working at a Burger King who acted like all the other high school co-workers were his best chums and often told us these weird stories I'm glad I don't work with him anymore he had an argument with the new in-laws during the wedding and moved out at around 5 a.m. during the first night man I was going to say that our client was served divorce papers for sending a couple hundred thousand dollars overseas in a scam but then you guys got better once and me dang you are too stupid to stay married to I was a legal assistant when this case came in but this lady divorced her husband of two months because he got her an iPad case for her birthday instead of the expensive jewelry she wanted failed exorcisms client had an inner ear condition that caused chronic vertigo but symptoms could be treated with medication husband was an evangelical who was convinced his wife one had become possessed and that her vertigo and general crankiness with his methods were evidence of demonic possession to the medication she was taking was enabling the devil to hide inside her and three the only proper of course was exorcism he would hide her meds until she got dizzy and then try various methods of exorcism this included sweating it out put under blankets while incapacitated and locked in a room full of space heater freezing it out pretty much the reverse with a/c fans and bags of ice surprising it out he would jump out and scare her like it was the hiccups but instead of yelling boo he would recite the Lord's Prayer or Psalms the final straw was that he tried to surprise it out of her by pushing her down the stairs when they were heading out for dinner a note this guy was some type of executive and they still went out to dinner after the stairs incident that she asked for the divorce at an Applebee's at night I have often tried to picture that conversation how she was adamant that he was a total sweetheart and never acted out of malice or anger that one's just sad my uncle has schizophrenia and my grand aunts tried to convince my grandmother his mom to have an exorcist come instead of letting him stay on his medications it's probably one of the reasons my grandmother stopped talking to them much it pains me to think he could have gone through all of that if he'd been one of my grand aunt son instead of my grandmother's my client put his wife in an assisted living facility based on a misdiagnosis the medication of which caused the wife to be unable to care for herself while in the facility my client shocker started dating another woman and mythix began using hard drugs he used a loot of money on both of these things she eventually got off the medication and got better suffice to say she was not happy about what had transpired the medication of which caused the wife to be unable to care for herself oh my god that is frickin horrible I'm an intern that the judge I work for used to do divorce work he has some crazy stories but this one is probably the most outrageous though the divorce was pretty justified every morning this couple would sit in the bathroom together while one of them had their morning dump one would sit on the toilet and the other on the rim of the bathtub this particular morning the wife was on the toilets and husband on the edge of the tub they started to argue about their relationship so the wife reaches down pulls her tampon out and flings it at husband I'm told the tampon stuck for a brief second to his forehead before sliding off he filed for divorce that same day or the next at first I read this as one shoots in the toilet while the other shoots into the bathtub as and they are both pooping simultaneously in Rock Paper Scissors for who gets to use the toilet I was so concerned I had some friends get divorced because she legit hated Dale Earnhardt and he legit hated Jeff Gordon was the reason but did happen during the course of the divorce neither side would follow the court orders when they had to go back to court they were fighting over a pistol in the man's grandmother's bowels I assumed for weeks that these bowls were some sort of heirloom more expensive China when they finally brought the bowls in to swap they were freakin Tupperware my douche cousin told his wife she had three chances to give him a son dota was born first strike one son was born second then they find out the boy can't eat gluten sir my cousin divorced her and has made zero effort to see his kids not me but a friend my mom has divorced her husband because his mother still coddled him at age 40 with his consent they lived with his mother common in Asia by cuttle I mean that she would walk straight into their room after his shower and powder his back for him they couldn't lock their bedroom door because his mother would come in as and what she wanted if they locked the door she would not repeatedly asking what they were doing lol what would they be possibly doing playing poker my client was the outrageous one so my heart went out to his poor wife he had OCD which manifested primarily financially so he made their lives of penny-pinching hack examples he was obsessed with avoiding unnecessary driving wear and tear on the car gas expenses so he cut the whole family's hair at home and never let them eat at a restaurant or go to the movies weirdest of all he kept one toilet paper roll on him at all times and you had to get one square from him before you could go to the bathroom he never gave more than one square wife finally got fed up and left him when one he gave her bangs during an in-home haircut and to their daughter was so traumatized by the toilet paper thin they couldn't potty-trained her also he hated paying his divorce lawyer bill he was also an old-fashioned mega Catholic who consider divorce a deadly sin he viewed my whole job as an unnecessary and sinful expense my mum had a friend with a horrible penny-pinching father as a child they took cold baths with one kettle full of hot water added etc etc when he died and they went through the house it was filled with hidden cash bills behind the baseboards bills in fake drain pipes needless to say he was severely mentally ill I worked as a paralegal for a divorce lawyer case analysis was one of my main responsibilities I crap you not a reasonably married couple of two years broke it off because the husband would not stop feeding the dog if the dog got outrageously fat apparently she saw connection between the dog and future children it's always so sad when people though the feed animals the dog will always be happy to get treats and I think the tiny instances of validation and affection person gets because of it are enough for them to ignore what they're doing to the poor animal it definitely does suggest the person in question is irresponsible when it comes to other living creatures that depend on him to keep them safe I am a lawyer that handles quite a few divorces among other things and I've seen all sorts of reasons for marriages ending the only thing that is consistently true and relevant to this question is that it is never for just one reason and it is never one sided in facts I've started telling potential clients in our initial interview that I am well aware that I am going to uncover some dirt on my client in the process not to scare them but to put their mind to ease that I've seen worse the fact that you haven't been 100% an angel up to this point doesn't scare me and I'd rather find out about it from my client beforehand than later on from their spouse at the worst possible moment all this is just to say that when you hear about people divorcing over one stupid argument or mistake usually that's just the straw that broke the camel's back that said some of the lightest draws I've seen include a guy who is 100% convinced that his wife our client is actually a lesbian in love with his sister and just using him as a cover but he also claims she is having sex with me to pay for her legal fees and with every male whose phone number is in her call history a woman who is divorcing my client because he was too sad after his father died last year my client had to break down her door to get his father's ashes a few weeks after he left the house and she refused to let him back in or give them to him and a woman who claims my client was emotionally abusive towards her because he refused to yell at her and sat in silence ignoring her when she screamed at him he has this recorded time-stamped for the date sometimes she insists the incidents occurred and she's listened to them and his complete silence as she goes on tirades and insists this proves her point that he was emotionally distant and abusive not the most outrageous but I had a client incur about 20 additional hours of billable hours because he and his ex-wife were battling and went to trial over their Star Wars collection this was the only issue at trial they were able to work out custody child support the but the Star Wars collection went to trial the judge ended up spitting it in the most ash Allah Shui possible basically giving each side half of what they wanted and then mixing and matching everything else and breaking up collections when speaking about it at a conference the judge admitted he did it because if they were going to act like children she would treat them like children the thing is the value of this collection was over $100 K so hardly kids stuff neither side had it in them to appeal nor was the case law on either side given judicial discretion in property distribution lawyers police offered it what is the worst way you've seen someone incriminating herself when they were actually innocent a woman came into the shop where I was working and tried to pay with a fake 10 euros note the cashier noticed straight away and told her that he'd have to keep the note and that it couldn't be accepted as payment she became really indignant and said that she had received the note in her change from our shop the day before she insisted that since we had allegedly given her the note we had to accept it as payment eventually the police were called an officer arrived and we explained the situation we were all annoyed that this woman was making such a big deal about it the officer asked her if she had known the money was fake before she tried to pay for things with it if she said she knew I didn't steal her jacket I was only holding it so I can't hit her better maybe not robbery but definitely assault I did know heater I did Mart here's a tip whatever you do don't be a sarcastic smartass they will take it as a confession my cousin was at his older brother's college party and it goes so rowdy that the police came to break it up the music is off and they've rounded everyone up and the cop asks okay who here has been drinking underage he raises his hand without hesitation he was the only one I know a guy that went to a party to find his friend he was 21 and everyone there was 20 or younger so just as he's searching for his friend the cops roll up they tried to get him with like 40 counts of furnishing alcohol to minors he fought the charges and won the judge even made the officer respond apologize Hanna I'm a law student and a professor told us today about her worst one from when she worked as a public defender apparently a convicted felon was riding his motorcycle when he saw a cop issuing a traffic ticket to someone else on the side of the road but he pulled over his motorcycle walked up to the cop and said excuse me officer I'm a convicted felon and have aged in my pocket as his public defender she asked him why the heck II would ever do that his answer well he was gonna catch me eventually maybe he wasn't referring to that specific cop when he said he was gonna catch me eventually maybe he's an intuitive addict that realized there was no getting away with a life of crime maybe it's Maybelline I don't know officer I don't sell drugs I do drugs unless you want to buy some drugs saw a guy arrested for possession of marijuana and I think some oxycodone or something at first appearance the judge reads everyone the usual spiel about how first appearance isn't the time to litigate your case and to not talk about the facts he gets to this guy and explains what he's been arrested for and the guy says marijuana nah I ain't had that I just had them pills get dispatched to a domestic violence call female said her husband punched her in the face and the ribs female has multiple scrapes and marks on her face and ribs my partner asks if he hit his wife and he says yes partner asks him why he punched her in the face and ribs meaning what led to the physical violence a guy says well I was punching her in the face but then she covered her face so I had to work the body so she would drop her hands then I went right back to the face he explained this as he mines a Mike Tyson esque bob-and-weave greatest confession ever bug this is what happens when you combine good logic and a bad person not innocent but stupid nonetheless we were all drinking in a hotel room one time and got a little too loud almost everyone was over 21 but one of our friends was still only 20 a cop showed up to give a noise complaint and asked how old we were everyone said 21 or 20 to accept our friend who said 16 so the cop looked at him real strange and said he needed to check is it he looked at it for a second and said this says you're 20 he replies I know sir I thought I would get in less trouble if I was under 17 the cop tells him you're real stupid boy you know that and told us to quiet down my law professor had a client who was an accused drug dealer he paid his bail and dirt stains small bills his wife brought to the courthouse in for plastic shopping bags never did find out if they admitted to evidence oh I have another story this one is my own so I got this call stating a security guard caught two people having sex in a car in a supermarket parking lot I get there and find two cars parked next to one another in a semi secluded space one matching the description I was given I roll up behind it with my lights all on and spotlights on them I figured it would be an easy you're both dumb go home type of call no as I walk up to the car the guy is stumbling out off the passenger side pulling his pants up I see him start to dig into a backpack in the seat that's a big no-no so I start shouting at him to show me his hands he doesn't listen so I shout louder he jumps him then I hear clink at this point I'm thinking or frake I look at his feet and then lays a crack pipe the guy and girl were obviously not there for just sex I ended up finding insane amounts of cash and a variety of drugs and paraphernalia the guy would have just gone home if he wasn't a jittery [ __ ] he got the girl charged much higher than himself in the end since it was her car all the Kratt was in and I thought it would be an easy day my friend was speeding and saw cop turn around for him so he went faster to try and get to an exit to get away ended up getting pulled over by another cop the cop asked him what he was doing in such a hurry and he said trying to get away from another cop yeah he got a ticket dunno if this counts but when I was training as a PPO my trainer told me about a guy that ran for no reason once a Hispanic male was pulled over he had no license or any proper documentation it's so common here that men in offices just write tickets and avoid deportation anyway when asked for his license the guy freaked out he waited for his chance and then took off on foot that prompted a whole chase that eventually included k9 the officers didn't know why he ran and it's generally safe to assume someone who runs is dangerous so k9 gets in there and he does something to pee the dog off the dog chews off his calf muscle when asked why he ran the guy just said he was scared I don't know if he was charged I doubt it though it was a crappy situation not a cop or a lawyer but a security guard there these two people on the property I was overseeing not illegal and they cooperated when I asked for it - no - was on the property after hours when I went back to my booth and they then proceeded to slash the tires and break the windows on my patrol car all the while saying I can't arrest then because I am NOT a real cop I guess they forgot I had their names it numbers license plate number and faces documented and on camera they were error stood 8 hours later sweet sweet justice I've heard about the old DUI gotcha when the response to recite the alphabet backwards as I couldn't even do that if I were sober but I don't know if that's just an urban legend or not it sounds like something one might reasonably say in response though it's legit though I have never done it in my life I can't do it sober or otherwise I mean I don't even know if that guy got it right none of these stories are about innocent people I've noticed I'm still having fun though about a year ago my friend had come out to the club with us he was underage but had one beer on the way back home he was driving his girlfriend in the passenger's seat and her older brother was in the backseat both of the passengers were drunk especially the brother he started punching him in the back of the head while he was driving trying to be funny so my friend swerved the car quickly left and right as to jiggle the car I guess nots one of lanes to make the brother stop I guess he didn't see the cop car behind him and got pulled over the cop must have smelled the beer on him and ended up conducting the regular sobriety tests I think he ended up failing the preliminary breathalyzer so they arrested him in jail they gave him the actual chemical test turns out in court that the test resulted in a point zero zero BAC level so he would have gotten off no questions asked but he says that while he was talking to one of the officers in jail they were acting all friendly and asked him so you didn't drink at all not even Oni beer and he replied saying well yeah just one beer statement was brought up in court and bam he was found guilty this was his second offense having to do with underage drinking so he got his license suspended for six or nine months not sure and had to do community service so yeah don't fall into a corpse trap I'm gonna break these cuffs I'm gonna break these cuffs like I used to do computer work for at police station and one day when I was working on a PC a cop was at another computer listening to his recording of an interview of a person and writing up a report this person had crashed into a parked car was able to drive a bit father but had to abandon their car and walked home the police went to the owner's home early the next morning and interviewed her I heard this police okay so you hit the car and came right home did you stop anywhere first suspect no I came straight home police did you have anything to drink when you got home suspect number police nothing at all suspect number police so you didn't drink any alcoholic beverages between the time of the accident and when we arrived at you at this point I said to the officer listening to the recording say yes the officer said she is not very smart suspect no nothing at all police so why did the breath test show appoint one one suspect I have no idea as a firefighter we once rolled up to a car accident where this kid about 17 years old had run into the concrete pillar under a highway overpass car was totally wrecked kid's arm was broken in three or four places and was bleeding pretty bad the first thing he said to me when I got up to his driver's side window the car is not stolen there is no reason to call the cops normally people say stuff like I'm hurt bad or get me out of here but not this guy he just kept repeating the car is not stolen over and over we called the cops my brother didn't exactly incriminate himself but he sure made himself unpopular he was teaching on a party boat when they got raided just as the police were boarding their boat and he claims he didn't do it intentionally having only noticed the police after the record was spinning he played out K Rs 1 sound of the police and of course a fair number of the partygoers were joining in with the whoop-whoop but the police were not amused taking it to be a deliberate attempt and humor at their expense to record got taken off my brother got an earful your brother is a hero accidental or otherwise there was the case years ago where a man had been accused from breaking into vending machines and parking meters the constantly denied the charges then had his bail paid in coin hey man he was just a simple coin collector lawyer since the accident have you done anything else to alleviate the pain plaintiff witness I smoked weed every day this was during a deposition and was not admitted before the jury because it was scandalous and impertinent my sort-of stepdad failed a roadside sobriety test he was taken to the County Jail where he registered zero point zero BAC because he hadn't been drinking I watched this happen his lack of coordination is legendary I was once pulled over in a crappy neighborhood being of a race that was not endemic to the area the police asked to search my car I stupidly I was young and foolish get off my notes said yes and then jokingly added remember though this is my mom's car so any crack is hers second search k9 search and intimidating personal search all turn up nothing I learned never to speak to the police and all it cost me was a little dignity and a few constitutional rights saying you have C is probable cause for search to be fair the police go to comedy clubs for jokes they don't pull you over for a laugh wrote a book called if I did it I'm a criminal defense attorney and this happens much more often than you think and every time it happens it is the worst time that is if you care about justice to be sure it happens in the interrogation room but more often it is part of plea negotiations whenever there are core defendants you may find yourself with a prosecutor who just needs one or some of them to take the weight sometimes the discovery tells you who the heavy is but a lot of times it's up for the co-defendants to decide if Erin's death has toured this country anything it should be that sentencing guidelines and prosecutorial discretion put defendants in impossible situations that led to desperate decisions this was not only true with Aaron but also hundreds of thousands of mostly poor uneducated people every day so I have seen sons take a hit for their mothers girlfriends for boyfriends and every other possible permutation many times these people are not squeaky-clean themselves but they are also not guilty of the crimes they plead to that's why you don't say anything until your lawyer tells you what to say I am a traffic cop in the UK and we were filming for one of these road Wars police interceptors traffic cops TV shows as a prett of the show they asked us to do some filming of pulling people over and doing routine stops so we decide that the next car to go through the set of lights we are currently it will get pulled over and will record what we do as part of a routine traffic stop so this guy goes through in a normal and we follow behind pull him over in a safe location and we all pile out of the car I'm walking over to the driver side and about to explain to the guy that we're filming for this show and they just want to see what happens during a routine stop check he rolls down the window and immediately before I could even say a word blurt sits in the glove box with a puzzled look on my face I ask him what's in the glove box the drugs comes the reply so I detain him cuff him and put him in the back of the traffic car and my colleague and I search the glove box and find a substantial amount of age when asked back at the station why he admitted the offence he said he saw the two police cars one was a backup car and all the Yellowjackets of the camera crew and thought the game was up if only he knew technically he was actually innocent because he hadn't committed an obvious crime up until that point in traffic court guy stands up judge says your officer isn't here how do you plead guy starts explaining things about to go into self-incrimination judge interrupts him and points out again that the officer isn't here someone next to the guy pipes up with plead innocent you [ __ ] he then proceeded to plead innocent and was a lesson to everyone else in court that day whose officer hadn't shown up one of my friends had had a couple beers and was driving back home a cop was pulled over on the side of the road ahead of him with its cherries flashing my friend pulled up and over right in front of the cop the cop came up to see if he needed help smelled beer on him and gave him a DUI he wasn't innocent by any means but he wouldn't have been pulled over if he would have just drove on by and I know drinking and driving is bad I don't need to hear the lecture it's just the only story I could think of so I figured I'd share excuse ME so I don't know how you can associate with such a flagrant abuse or eval country's laws a friend of my sister's had already been ticketed twice by her college police for underage drinking her parents told her if she got ticketed again they'd pull her out of school so when the cops pulled her and her friends over one Friday night she got the bright idea to flee the cops caught her and cuffed her so she ran a this time managing to hide in the bushes and wriggle her way out of the cuffs she stumbles home the next day the cops knock on her dorm room door they ask for her by name so she pretends to be her roommate the cops give her a business card and tell her it's very important she contacts them ASAP she flees her dorm room and spends the next couple days hiding in friend's dorm rooms including my sisters for a few hours she gets phone calls from friends of hers apparently the police are P and canvassing the campus for her they found her photo at a sorority house so they know she lied to them one of her sorority sisters finally convinces her to turn herself in she gets charged with a long list of crimes including several felony charges her parents decided to leave her in jail for the weekend instead of paying her bail once she gets out she spent several hours combing the bushes where she'd hidden to find the handcuffs since one of the charges was theft of police property why is this story relevance to this thread because of the cop that caught her and her friends that night forgot his brief elasaur and let the entire group off with a lecture you've been visited by the good sleep get er up vote within the next three seconds and you will be blessed with cozy and restful sleeps thanks for watching if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 418,576

Rating: 4.7004857 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, people of reddit, sub, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, lawyer, lawyers, case, court, court house, prosecution, prosecutor, legal, askreddit reading, accident lawyer, find a lawyer, attorney at law, legal help, reddit professionals

Id: LUTgxSkYZNs

Length: 67min 18sec (4038 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 23 2019