What is the funniest thing you've ever seen right in front of you? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

our /r screwed it what is the funniest thing you've ever witnessed right in front of you a few years ago I was playing pictionary with my wife and her parents when it was my turn I had to draw the bearded lady I'm terrible at drawing so I came up with some stick figure with boobs and a beard with a large triangle behind it it was supposed to be a circus tent everyone starts guessing but no one is close suddenly my father-in-law jumps up and shouts vagina clitoris clitoris he was so caught up and getting the right answer that he just kept shouting it at this point we all lost it I have never laughed so hard in my life my mother-in-law still has the bearded lady posted on her fridge edit I was able to get the bearded lady's canned note my arrow in an attempt to point out the beard also I should point out that my fill was across from me so it was upside down to him was at the movies with a buddy he went to take a [ __ ] so I entered the stool right next to his for a reason I can't remember then came right back out a few seconds later this gigantic 300 pounds black fellow comes in and sits in the stall I was previously in my buddy who thinks I am still in the store wipes his ass then starts waving the poop covered toilet paper to the guy in the stall I've never seen anyone yell so many curse words in public before while all this was happening I was on the bathroom floor crying and laughing harder than I ever have before my university choir went to Finland one year which was an amazing experience the day we arrived my brain was a bit foggy from the jet lag but how I wanted to take advantage of being there so I went with my friends to explore Helsinki I was walking down the street talking to one of my friends next to me when I walked straight into a pole I wasn't hurt at all just surprised but as I collected myself I noticed that the only person who had noticed her side from my friend was this random Finnish dude on the other side of the street who was intensely cracking up from what he had seen I think the sight of him laughing Rory ously at my stupid moment is one of the funniest sights I've ever seen a very very icy parking lot and a bunch of high schoolers rushing to their car I saw at least 20 people slip and fall that day I really enjoy watching people fall we had a Halloween party with a pin etre because [ __ ] candy anyway one guy was dressed as leftenant dango and one guy was dressed as the Hamburglar somebody knocked the pinnate off the road and without missing a beat the Hamburglar picked up a penetrant took off dangled drew his gun and immediately gave chase yelling into his fake police radio all the way down the street in eighth grade I had a friend named Roland who was about four feet tall and another friend named Kyle who was about 200 pounds and about five feet seven inches during lunch in the cafeteria Cole was getting his food and Roland noticed his sweatpants sitting on the bench Roland put on Kyle's sweatpants over his own clothes and proceeded to walk around with them pulled up over his head Cole saw it and ran to catch Roland we had says in our eyes from laugh-in as Carl chased his own sweatpants around the cafeteria my dad was at a stoplight in downtown Cleveland and some guy with sagging pants starts using the crosswalk his pants were sagging so bad that halfway across the street a just fell off and he fell flat on his face some big 300-plus pound dude was lambasting some girl for being too skinny and was saying you look like you need a freaking donut you twig a little eight-year-old nearby said you ate them all it would have been kind of funny regardless but the fact it was such a young kid made it hilarious went sledding the other day and some random dog took a major dump right at the bottom of the hill we were at my friend screams up to warn everyone then points it out to let everyone know one kid comes zooming down the hill realizes he's in the direct path of the shitpile tries to stop before he hits it bails right on top of it and the smears a little path of it as he's trying to stop tumbling in a flash he grabbed his sled then nope the [ __ ] out I didn't even see him leave if he had just kept going he wouldn't went right over it and been totally fine I named him streaks maybe not the funniest but this annoying little girl was weaving recklessly through a crowd of people at them all I could see the scene from above as I rode the escalator up she tripped and fell and spilled her bag of Skittles all over the place and particularly in front of a shoe store as she got up an employee standing at the front of the store told her in a heavy Indian accent taste the rainbow I was riding a bike with my friends and asked this old nice lady in an electric wheelchair if she would race me she did edit my two-wheeled transportation device was lawfully acquired by myself I was walking through my neighborhood on a Sunday morning loudly singing me say day me say day oh and a Jamaican guy popped his head out of the trunk of a car and sang bleh like come in one go home he had been packing the trunk or something and I couldn't see him it was wonderful my brother was riding one of those pocket rocket things and as he passed he gave me the finger but then he ran into a parked car giving him a broken arm and the car a huge dent by the way the car was my parents car good times once at college there was a nice spot on the walkway outside our dorm covered in a light dusting of snow my friends and I all slipped on our way home later from our common room window we saw others falling within half an hour 11 of us had gathered around the windows with tea and popcorn watching every single person who walked down that path fall or flail crazily to keep from falling one time a really tall guy wound up doing a chicken dance for about seven feet but managed to stay upright at the end there was vigorous applause but not from our room we rushed outside turned around and saw that at least four other windows in our dorm had crowds gathered around the we waved and eventually all gathered on the lawn for an impromptu falling party I was driving in Buffalo NY and it was a total whiteout one thing they say is never to stop in a whiteout because a tractor-trailer will just rear-end you to hell so I found a car and started riding his ass just because I could only see his brake lights when I was only inches from his bumper then the brake lights started flickering like a strobe light and the car came to a stop I didn't know what to do so I got out of the car there was this huge black guy standing there and he yelled yo man I can't see [ __ ] I laughed my ass off and took the lead for a while edit corrected spelling thanks also correct sarcastic and thanks Thomas not walking home one night must have been 3 a.m. come around the corner and there's a skinny Chinese kid nailing a big native woman doggy style on the side of the road she's moaning and all he says is what's up with the biggest grin on his face we'll never forget it a very large woman at a Scrabble tournament decided to loosen up before her first game and so as a hundred people listened to the rules of the tournament she got on the floor and started doing all kinds of stretching and aerobics it wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't 350 pounds and wearing a summer dress I was traveling through the South a few years ago and eating at a restaurant on the side of the highway in the afternoon as I turned around from the counter to walk to a table a car came crashing through sitting area because it was rolling flipping it landed on its wheels and two grossly overweight african-american women were sitting in the front seats I stood there in shock like everyone else for a few seconds as everything got quiet you could hear the driver yell out oh hell no I just got my hair did needless to say the two passengers were fine and no one got hurt in the restaurant but I laughed for hours because the two ladies were all upset about their hair luckily the restaurant was mostly empty a man walking down a street in Nick with only purple briefs on on a three-foot long braid wrapped around his neck oh yeah he had a satchel was playing soccer my buddy and his brother were on opposing team I was advancing towards their net and my buddy came at me from left his brother on my right when they both got close to kick the ball away from me I stopped the ball they both missed the ball and kicked each other in the shins bodies collided heads collided with a loud thunk the way it all synchronized was so funny I couldn't continue running and just rolled on the floor laughing I thought it was over but then they both got mad at each other and started fist fighting I was laughing so hard watching it all unfold in front of me I though I'm going to pass out one of the funniest memories I have one time I was stuck in traffic with my parents so I decided I'd make small talk by saying you know they say that white cars are most likely to be involved in a car accident than any other color car but right as I said that three white cars got into an accident in the lane next to ours note it wasn't a serious accident the last car bumped the car in front which bumped the car in front of that my best friend and I are obsessed with ghost hunting so we naturally went on the ghost tour that is offered in Old Town Albuquerque NM we were the only two locals but there were about seven people from Canada we get to this haunted window in a building that is now a restaurant however we failed to realize we were the only two people standing in front of the window only about a foot away as we listened to this ghost story we were staring into this window without realizing the restaurant was still open and banner lady basically runs past the window we were so scared we were screaming at the top of our lungs I couldn't move and my best friend grabs me around the waist and tries to run off with me I'm 5 feet 9 inches and she's 5 feet 2 inches it isn't until we finally get ourselves together that we look up and realize we scared one of the Canadian guys so badly he had taken off running and was now a block and a half away the three of us looked really stupid but it's still one of my favorite memory my sister and two cocker spaniels were out back sliding glass door closed the two dogs decide to run a full sprint inside ba-bam both dogs collide with the door then my unaware sister does the exact same thing it all happened in about six seconds back in high school we were all traipsing across the grounds to the exit gate at 3:30 someone had forgotten to collect all of the balls from PE and they were just lying around on the path one girl was too busy talking to her friend and didn't realize they were on the path she stood on one and did that typical dancing on a gold thing like a show dog or a slapstick clown that was hilarious on its own but then when she had managed to extricate herself from the ball she stood on another one right in front of her I thought that [ __ ] only happened in the Marx Brothers it was a glorious day I was in the third grade and I had done the most important thing in my short life by then by becoming friends with the popular girls the popular girls and I grew to be very close and would hang out all the time one day heads popular girl summons us and says we're going behind the hills the other damsels hop along toward the hills together while I stay skeptically trudged along once there all the girls lie down on the grass behind the hills so they are not visible by the narcs that patrol recess and make you stand at the wall if you misbehave once they've all laid down I can't help but ask what are you guys doing and head popular girl responds with them we're having sex with our imaginary boyfriends I laugh uncomfortably and they actually proceeded to have sex with her at eight years old just wiving on the floor and not even knowing what they're doing and making sounds quite funny very uncomfortable I was at a sci-fi convention with a friend and we get on the hotel elevator a ten-year-old or so girl get some dressed as seven of nine and these two fat guys dressed as Jedi behind us start mocking her for not having the goods to fill out that costume [ __ ] gross my friend who is also rather large turns around looks them up and down and start settling them for being fat Jedi can't you use the force to put those [ __ ] M&Ms down the pizzas calling you to the dark side do you have to use the Force to get your fat ass into those ropes those aren't even Jedi robes those are the hotel bathrobes everyone in the elevator was cracking up and when the girl got off on the next floor she had a great big grin on her face turned around and high-fived my friend on her way off the elevator the fat Jedi got off on the next floor as fast as they could it wasn't even the floor they were supposed to get off I hope I can describe this to be as hilarious as it actually was after a night at the bars it was after 2:00 and I was waiting for my food order jack-in-the-box with all the other hungry drunk people a girl next to me obviously can't wait for her food so she takes out her iPhone opens a packet of hot sauce and squeezes it onto her iPhone like a plate and takes a huge lake she had no idea what she was doing and one of her friends had to pull the iPhone out of her hand mid lick I still laugh uncontrollably when I think of the visual I was at a concert with a friend of mine and she had to go to the bathroom so I waited outside now the bathroom in this place is located by an escalator I looked over to this obviously very drunk women pissing underneath of the escalator all I could think was well but then as she proceeds to stand up she slips in her own piss and lands flat on her face in the piece I lost it best concert ever I couple summers ago I was driving through the city with all the windows down with my cousin for some reason I had the most intense valve sneeze of my life and a car four lanes away going the opposite direction screamed bless you out of his car as he drove by single mom at the beach with her I would estimate three-year-old son the kid is having a very good day playing in the sand all of sudden she gets a phone call and starts yelling at who I presume is the father has a fit and grabs the kid and starts telling him it is time to leave she is pulling him along by the arm and he get dragged and she is yelling on the phone finally the kid let's go and he turns around to yell at him it is time to leave him to hurry up the kids standing there in his water wings son hat and holding his yellow sand bucket yells at his mom I am a kid my legs aren't long enough I can't move that fast what do you expect everyone around just started cracking up in high school me and my mates were stood in a circle just talking waiting for the teacher to turn up to let us inside this was after dinner break or lunch and hundreds of seagulls flocked to the playgrounds to scavenge food one of those seagulls shat on my mates face my mate being quite hard read a bit of a jock few merchants shouted alright who [ __ ] spat on me you're [ __ ] dead we were on the floor laughing and then the realization on his face when he knew it wasn't spit and in fact bird shite he actually said it's not spit is it with a grin on his face I still crack up now thinking about it edit I know was a merkin ooze we use it as a slang term round these parts if I found read it and made an account it's pretty certain I know what account appears I subscribe to WTF and I'd wager there's a subreddit specifically for merkins while on a motorcycle trip across half the country my father and I witnessed the tail end of a possible road rage incident we were riding up the highway when one car passed a pickup and didn't think much of it about five minutes later we round a bend and there are both cars parked on the shoulder drivers and me fisticuffs as we passed I looked over and the fighters were so involved in their battle they forgot to take the terrain into account fell and rolled down a slightly steep hill together it wasn't until we stopped for a break about an hour later that my dad laughs and says oh and what the [ __ ] was that fight about anyway I had forgotten about it until then and all I saw in my mind was those two bozos tumbling down a hillside and kicking up a dust cloud [ __ ] New Mexico my brother and his friends were really into wild animal fighting videos online when they were freshmen in high school they spread the word about an after school fight between a boa constrictor and a student people showed up the bell was one of the guys wearing a puffy green jacket with the sleeves tied behind his back very excited and repeatedly running at the other friend who was just annoyed and telling him to stop I was sitting at some traffic lights a few weeks ago and a guy on a fancy racing bicycle rode up onto the traffic island to wait to cross except he forgot he was wearing those shoes which clip into the pedals so he stopped balanced for a second and then just toppled over at that moment the lights changed to green so I had to drive off on of the funniest things I ever saw happened across a hotdog stand set up for some charity thing my buddy and I get a hotdog because they were only a dollar he says what's this for she says schizophrenia awareness he says well better give me to them he only said it because he wanted to help out but she had a look on her face like you wouldn't believe my cousin yelling ye are like Lil Jon in the guy in the car next to us responding with ochre a dogs usually don't make a noise when they fart but when mine got up from the kitchen floor she must have really pushed because she blasted a loud one since she had never heard a noise come out of her ass she freaked out and sprinted down the hallway paused and pinned her raised back looking around to see if anything was chasing her that was nearly 8 years ago and I still haven't seen anything funnier than that when I was a toll collector on the Golden Gate I kept a jar a grape up and mustard in my booth waiting just waiting until sure enough some guy in a convertible with his giggling girlfriend sitting next to him said pardon me would you have any grape up and I pulled out the jar and but of course their expressions were priceless and we all got a good laugh out of it for those of you too young to remember here is the commercial HTTP colon slash slash ww youtube.com slash watch question mark Vick will sit HHH yxq SSE the other night my boyfriend and I were bored and stoned so we decided to wreak some havoc my friend had bought me a laser pointer for Christmas so I could play with my cat with it and instead we decided to point it up people outside our apartment complex just say you know we live in Atlanta right next door to a liquor store and in a pretty shady part of town my boyfriend decides to point it at this guy who was clearly cracked out this man starts freaking out he just stops in his tracks and holds his hands up in the air and screams put the lasers on any come on white Devils put the lasers on any now we are about five stories up so he couldn't see us but he just goes on this rant for about 10 minutes screaming about lasers and to bring it I know it's pretty awful to mess with someone like that but at the time I could not control myself from laughing hysterically only after the laughter subsided did we realize he was probably terrified and thought he was about to get sniped or something oops on a dry summer night a couple of years ago a bunch of friends and I were doing mushrooms and drinking in a park we were at the bottom of a hill with trees and were there for hours every time one of us went up the hill into the trees to pee it made pee Mart so the next person to pee would pee a little higher up we even had a roll of toilet paper on a branch well after a couple hours of drugs and taboos one of my girl friends went up the hill to pee and slipped in a pee Mart she's a long border so she has pretty good balance even when intoxicated and we all hear wah wah hoo oh and she comes majestically sliding down the hill out of the trees in a half squat with her pants around her knees without falling I was laughing so hard I was crying at that one and I'll never forget it I was sitting at the table with my mom and my three-year-old niece and out of nowhere my niece looks at my mom and says everybody's looking at you because you're weird definitely one of the funniest things I've ever heard this could be good for my part I was once in a classroom when in the middle of the lecture some kid in the front row got a phone call he stood up said loudly I'll be there right away ripped off his hoodie revealing a cape and a Superman s he then ripped away his velcro pants and whooshed up the stairs and out the door everyone was dead silent the professor who is quite funny then remarked thank god he's catching up with the times a girl peeing in the bushes big street with bushes in the middle when she noticed there was a street on the other side and saw me she stood up excused herself but lost her balance she tried to walk but with her pants around her ankles she stumbled for about 15 meters in slow motion only to end back in the bushes where she peed a lot of these seemed like had to be there moments but I still enjoy reading them substitute high school chemistry teacher demonstrating reaction between calcium carbide and water test for the presence of acid lean with burning splint experiment instructions emphasized multiple times that only a single crystal of calcium carbide should be used our soul poured the whole bottle into the petri dish and then sent the class note to the office when he tried to interrupt the guy when he actually tested for acid Lee his whole upper body was engulfed in a fireball that shot up hit the ceiling and left a black soot ring the guy was okay except every hair on his head had in sand off I once saw a man fall down an escalator that was moving up in Las Vegas it takes a moment to picture this but it was hilarious the man was clearly drunk out of his mind and just started rolling down the stairs very slowly it was so slow in fact that the escalator was keeping up with him so he was basically just tumbling in place he got up a good bit of momentum and reached the bottom at which point the escalator took him back to the top and the whole process started over again two girls ran up to help him they were not dressed to save a person they realized this was a 250 - 207 tee-ball of humanity and decided to run away down the uphill escalator it was like watching Indiana Jones after about 90 seconds he came to learn goes up looking around like he hadn't fallen down an escalator then his buddies came walking back and asking where the hell he was they had missed the most monumental moment of this guy's life but I hadn't TL DR man rolls down an uphill escalator becomes Indiana Jones Boulder in highschool chemistry we used to play the plunger game during homeroom well we'd toss a plunger in the air for various numbers of rotations and try to have it land stuck to the floor one day as the tosses were getting a bit extreme in the high-ceilinged lab one guy tossed it a bit too high and it landed on top of one of the light fixtures which was amusing enough in itself later in the class we were back in the lab the teacher was a bald red-faced heavily moustached man and was in the middle of explaining our experiment when the plunger teeters off of the light fixture and plants itself directly atop his head the combination of the perfect Blanc and the sight of him staring up at the lightning rod on top of his head and stunned silence was too much to handle last Halloween my girlfriend and I were getting some late-night Del Taco as we get our food and pour through the drive-through I see a car parking on the street in front the car is decked out in Green Bay Packer gear get Wisco license plate with an Aaron Rodgers sticker on the hood so naturally as I pulled out into the street I yelled go bears the guy stood up out of his car with a ref jersey and high heels on and yelled in the most fabulous gay voice I'm a replacement refs we laughed so hard as I sped away an ex-girlfriend and I were play fighting using our words calling each other names and whatnot but none of it serious she had said something along the lines of calling me stupid or idiotic then turned around and walked right into the doorframe literally fell to the ground laughing and cracking her my friend and his girlfriend recently got engaged as an engagement gift a bunch of us got together to buy a portrait for them we bought a portrait from this guy named pricasso who is famous for drawing portraits with his dick the portrait even came with a video of him drawing it with his penis neither one of them has ever seen this video when we gave it to them they were really excited we told them that the paints had a taste to them and that they should give it a lick and smell it they must have tried licking that stupid [ __ ] portrait for at least five minutes before giving up they currently have their portrait hanging in their living room above the fireplace we do not plan to give them the DVD of him painting their faces with his Wang for at least a few years if so every time one of us comes over we get a nice chuckle at the dick painting they have so proudly hung on their wall they'll evaporate what's the best prank you've ever heard of seen experienced so I'm sitting outside a boudin sourdough bakery in San Francisco near the Fisherman's Wharf and see the guy come out with one of their bread bowls full of soup now if you've never been here let me tell you the seagulls are everywhere and pretty aggressive about trying to get your food so the guy goes and sits down and starts eating his clam chowder and the birds are everywhere squawking like seagulls do and you can see it's irritating this guy so he makes the mistake of tearing off a piece of bread and throwing it to the gulls he thought it was bad before but once they knew they could get food out of him he was surrounded so one of the seagulls lands near the guy and is standing with its back to him about five feet away the guy gets up walks over and kicks the [ __ ] out of this bird as soon as he turns around he realizes this was a mistake I would say there were 50 seagulls on this guy's food he then screams oh I see how it is you send your [ __ ] friend to distract me while you sons-of-bitches enjoy my food it was quite funny TL DR seagulls are jerks I worked at Santa's Village a downmarket amusement park in the 80s see Adventureland for an exact replica of the scene standing in my carnival game booth I watched a kid stagger off the spinning teacups I good distance away and then veered easily this way and that until he wound up directly in front of my booth at the very center of my field of vision he paused a second puked up everything he ever eights in his entire life and then staggered out of frame it was like this perfectly choreographed little movie scene I can still play in my head thank you eighties kid you were and still are hilarious I was at camp as a kid one summer and the tedious counselor was telling a story everyone thought he was boring but for once he had our attention we stood in a circle in some woods watching as his tale telling became more animated due to our attention at a climactic moment of his story he pointed skyward and inclined his head saying and I looked up at that moment a bird flew over and shat on his forage I thought I would stop breathing from laughing so hard my brother slammed a door on his head because according to him my arm speed was greater than my head speed if you want to get nothing in return you can like and join my discord there is a link in the description

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Id: ew1eUm2SbnY

Length: 29min 46sec (1786 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 26 2019