If Toothpaste Ads Were Honest - Honest Ads

taste that that's the inside of an unwashed human mouth yeah hi I'm Roger Horton and if you're like me sometimes your mouth tastes almost turd like I'd like you to combat the naturally offensive taste of your own body with a delicious goo that you're not for some reason allowed to eat it's easy simply rub this mix of sand detergent and flavoring agents on your teeth twice a day every day for the rest of your life and despite the fact there are no definitive studies to support the practice dentists agree that you should feel guilty if you don't pay but if you miss like one day I'm sure it's not that big could you just shut up for two minutes hum happy birthday to yourself a couple of times that helps you time it out to yourself you maniac we can't afford that [ __ ] now sure they main purpose of this goo is to get rid of all that awful mouth taste ah mmm me but it also acts as a fluoride delivery system even though we already deliver fluoride to you in your drinking water we've also added sodium lauryl sulfate an ingredient which does nothing at all but create foaming bubbles research tells us you associate with that clean feeling not to be confused with actually being clean of course the only ingredient that toothpaste actually uses to scour the gunk off your mouth bones is the abrasive hydrated silica you may recognize it from those little packets labeled do not eat now I could say stuff like 9 out of 10 experts recommend our particular flavor of mouth goo but that'd be a lie in reality every out of all dentists don't care what kind of mouth do you use we can call it whitening tartar control cavity protection or mega sudsy spark off Jesus gel it's all the same honestly just pick the package that most exemplifies your worldview speaking of packaging how do you like that goo tube see we've cleverly packaged your mouth bone sand in such a way that you'll all throw away about 10% of it and have regular arguments about it with your mate the trick is to roll it up from the bottom it doesn't matter anyway what's actually important when it comes to dental health is taking a flavored string and scraping plaque off the sides of each tooth unless it isn't no one is actually totally sure but you're not gonna bother regardless right of course not now spit mean that's good lubricant for your toothbrush to scrape off bits of food even though you might not technically need to and if the taste of your own glottal opening isn't sufficiently eradicated try some horton brand bern water it washes out your mouth just like an antiseptic for surgery would because that's what it was originally used for only now we drink it hey why not the pain lets you know that no one knows whether it's working oh and by the way did I mention I'm wrong [Music] thank you for watching if you really digged it dug it then you're gonna hit that like button or you can subscribe and leave a comment let us know what your favorite kind of bone paste is is it crydom is it bone + is it discovery gel we'd love to hear from you

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,953,276

Rating: 4.908915 out of 5

Keywords: toothpaste, crest, colgate, tastepaste commercials, teeth, dentists, honest ads, honest, honest trailers, cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, satire, parody, hilarious, infotainment

Id: nbfgFyfHSMU

Length: 3min 40sec (220 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 20 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/Tiny_Pay]

People NEED to use that goo on a regular basis 🤢