If Juice Cleanse Ads Were Honest (Detox, Master Cleanse)

Video Statistics and Information

Captions Word Cloud
Reddit Comments

Is Halo top a juice if you let it melt?

👍︎︎ 8 👤︎︎ u/[deleted] 📅︎︎ Nov 07 2017 🗫︎ replies

SRS the bit about starvation mode peeved me

👍︎︎ 8 👤︎︎ u/thebacksideofmyarm 📅︎︎ Nov 08 2017 🗫︎ replies

As long as that 'juice' is water you should be good to go!

👍︎︎ 6 👤︎︎ u/Antsyaunty 📅︎︎ Nov 07 2017 🗫︎ replies
- Are you tired, bloated, pimply, and constantly self-conscious? - I don't know, am I? - Do you feel weighed down by all the toxins and excess weight that your body's carrying? - I guess I hadn't really thought about that. - Hi I'm Roger and yes, I think you have thought about it. Which is why you should try Horton's Drinkable Salad Detox Cleanse. (soft guitar music) I'm sure you've heard of us. We've placed sponsored ads all over your social media feeds and pay celebrities to post pictures of themselves enjoying our product. The intention is to make you believe that our Drinkable Salads are the key to real happiness. It's pretty simple. You'll agree to stop feeding yourself food for some amount of time and in exchange you'll pay exorbitant amounts of money for a bunch of different juices for every meal. - Oh, it tastes like spicy grass! - Many people believe that detox cleansing leads to improved mood, better digestion, clearer skin, weight loss and general sense of well-being. But, ya know, many people believe all kinds of things, that doesn't make it true. You definitely won't experience any of these benefits while you're cleansing. That's because depriving yourself of food will cause you to be a train wreck. The surge in sugar you're consuming will lead to wild emotional vacillations, and for you regular coffee drinkers out there, the sudden depravation of caffeine is going to feel like quitting smoking, with all the irritability that implies. - There's kale in this, kale was never supposed to be a thing you drink, it should barely be a thing that you eat. - Honestly, the whole idea of a detox is pretty misleading. Our bodies naturally detox themselves, that's what our kidney, liver, lungs and skin are for. But hey, everyone else is doing it so it's worth a shot. For just a significant amount of money, you will receive a variety of Drinkable Salads composed of premasticated vegetables and mashed up fruit packaged in non eco friendly containers. And you can trust me when I say that they taste totally fine. Imagine celery and apples that you can drink for breakfast! Do you like roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and a small salad? Well, now imagine drinking beets mixed with some nuts instead of that! Plus, some tasty alkaline water. I don't remember why we call it that or what it's supposed to do or if it does what it's supposed to do but it's six to nine dollars a bottle. - Jesus (beep) Christ. - Each bottle of Horton's Drinkable Salad contains four to eight servings of produce which is obviously way too much, but the process of juicing removes all its insoluble fiber so it won't feel like you've consumed anything. - But what is the pos-- - Ah, I know exactly what you're going to ask. What is the possibility that I'm going to be (beep) water constantly. - I wasn't. - High, it's very high, it's almost a certainty. - I was gonna ask what the positive side was, but that seems less important right now. - Speaking of less, that brings me to the amount of nutritional value our blended fruit and vegetable slurpees provide, less. Less than you're used to. Also, you'll experience breakouts, body aches, flatulence, bloating, constipation and/or diarrhea and deep body aches, so I wouldn't recommend going to work or attending any social engagements. - [Woman] Way ahead of you. - However, if you can tough it out till day three of your voluntary poop torture, you might experience feelings of euphoria and heightened senses! Our certified nutritionist says that this is a natural byproduct of the detoxification process, but I'm pretty sure it's just that you are literally starving to death because our Drinkable Salad Detox cleanse brings your caloric intake down to under 1,000 calories a day which sends you into starvation mode. Starvation Mode is when your body shuts down in order to preserve calories and fat stores, burning muscle mass instead. Don't worry, our cleanse floods your body with diuretics so you'll still lose weight. It'll just be water weight, and you'll most likely gain it back as soon as you eat a real meal. - I can't wait to have a real meal again. I'm gonna get a big ole (beep) off cheeseburger and just murder it. - Be careful when reintroducing food into your diet. Severe calorie restriction can permanently slow down your metabolism, so you may just need to eat less calories in general. Plus, reintroducing solid foods immediately after consuming nothing but liquids? That's what we call a bowel game changer. - What? - One more word of caution since you're going to be peeing and (beep) just so much water, you'll likely to become quite dehydrated. Essentially, you are buying dysentry. But our dysentry comes in pretty colors with cool, instagrammable packaging so that's neat. Want me to get a picture of you drinking it? Gorgeous, #livingmybestlife, #juicelife, #beachbod. #onedaydownfivetogo. - [Woman] (beep) five. - So, if you are ready to be successful, beautiful, desired and toxin free try Horton's Drinkable Salad Detox Cleanse. It isn't easy, but if you want to be loved and live a long, fulfilling life with a trim waistline and glowing skin, stop being a baby and suck it up. Oh, thata girl, get them likes.
Channel: Cracked
Views: 1,406,955
Rating: 4.8967762 out of 5
Keywords: Roger, Horton, Honest Ad, Honest Ads, Honest, commercial Parody, commercial parodies, commercial spoof, commercial spoofs, I’m roger by the way, Hi I’m roger, juice cleanse, myth juice cleanse, juice cleanse truth, fraud juice cleanse, scam juice cleanse, juice cleanse diets, worst juice cleanse, juice cleanse review, bad for you, good for you, Cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, laugh, satire, parody, hilarious, spoofs
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 5min 58sec (358 seconds)
Published: Mon Nov 06 2017
Related Videos
Please note that this website is currently a work in progress! Lots of interesting data and statistics to come.