IELTS Live - Task 2 Writing - Executing a Band 9 Finish

hi everyone and welcome to today's live isles class my name is adrian and i'm streaming to you from beautiful victoria here on the west coast of canada i hope everybody has had a fantastic week and i hope you're all looking forward to a great weekend welcome back rod hi kyber welcome members this is a members chat class everybody's welcome to watch hi aman welcome carolina our moderator right now we are going to be looking at ielts task 2 writing and in fact we are looking at finishing with the band 9. so we started uh with a band 9 essay yesterday on the 28th and right now we're going to be finishing that band 9 essay so yesterday we planned the essay we wrote the introduction and now we're ready to write the body paragraphs and the conclusion this lesson is presented to you by aehelp.com for academic ielts success check us out there for the general ielts visit us at g-i-e-l-t-s help dot com that's general ieltshelp.com on both of those websites we have lots of help for your task to writing as well as for other sections of the ielts exam hi fargus hi earphone welcome john neil good to see more members joining in this is our academic ielts uh web portal here you can click this big red button to join our premium package it's a one-time payment for lifetime access it's well worth it i think maybe all of our clients are super satisfied after they join um and we are a british council ielts test registration center and certified agents so you're in great hands with us general ielts looks very similar but with a different color motif um it's a green background you click that big red button to join us there welcome harwinder hi shahid and omar all right everyone so we've got uh apps of course you can download academic ielts help app from your app store general ielts help from your app apple stores you can link those apps to your web accounts to study from one account so that's super super useful if you have questions um you can send me an email adrian aehelp.com that's me hi sana all right um so we've got lots more classes coming up um we've got um task one academic a little bit later this morning well this morning for me anyway after this class that will be a line graph and then uh tomorrow we'll have speaking part two and speaking part three for everyone so more more classes tomorrow again remember to subscribe to our channel hit the notification button that will definitely help you to keep up with the live schedules as well okay all right so this was the writing question that we looked at yesterday all right let's take a look at this let's just review the introduction members if you wrote your introduction at home over the course of the last 24 hours that's fantastic you can share it in the chat now and i will take a look at the different parts so here was the question ielts task to writing you should take about 40 minutes on this task many companies are strongly against having personal relationships in the workplace and impose strict policies let me get this a little bit more on screen asif welcome yeah i can see that's a little bit off screen so um just give me a sec there we go okay now you can see it a little bit better let's do that again many companies are strongly against having personal relationships in the workplace and impose strict policies against it do you agree or disagree with this practice okay and then we paraphrased it and we said that hey um you really just want to choose one side here not agree or disagree because a company can't um condone and um disagree with this it's only one or the other okay so um it's definitely better to approach this essay with just one side you either agree or disagree but not both that would be really weird like companies should and shouldn't okay so what does a person do get into a relationship with their colleague or not right you can't have both remember the idiom you can't have your cake and eat it too that's probably one of the most useful idioms by the way that you can often apply to situations in life because as many of us know the world is full of irony and uh very often we have this situation um in huma in the human experience where you can't have your cake and eat it too all right so remember that okay and keep this in mind too the question said include any relevant explanations and examples from your own experience of course you have to write at least 250 words lark welcome from saudi arabia all right so uh we did a good job of identifying the topic controlling ideas we really went deep into the critical thinking of what why how for each and then finally we came up with an effective band 9 introductory paragraph that reads like this hook it is common for colleagues to develop personal relationships through their employment because of their frequent time spent together nevertheless companies are often in strong opposition to emotionally charged bonds at the workplace and then discourage such activity with threats of terminating employment i agree that for the interest of business a personal connections should be regulated by policy as companies must maintain efficiency and reputation okay good so we have our introductory uh paragraph there we have the hook we have the background we have the thesis we're good to go okay buckrad i see that you're being very studious and that's fantastic so bakrat writes introduction nowadays personal relationships become natural at the workplace several organizations are opposed to having personal bonds during work and manipulate solid policies against it um [Music] buckrad i wouldn't write and manipulate solid that's a little bit awkward your most of it is good i would change manipulate solid policies to impose solid policies against it i agree with the above statement that personal bonding distracts other office employees which affects the growth and reputation of companies but allowing restriction leads to productivity by imposing restriction leads to productivity and increased cooperation between co-workers okay background i see where you're going with that so you're going to explain the negative impact of having relationships and the positive impact of having these policies and that's good okay you've got a little bit of awkward word choice but overall it's a fairly solid i would say like a band um six five maybe even seven introduction okay so not bad at all all right buckrad good job okay uh yeah good okay farduous rights nowadays personal relationships have increased dramatically in the workplace which result in less productivity okay fardo is not bad you're starting really complex and there are a few mistakes in there so make sure you don't do that buckrap by the way just one other tip for ielts task two is don't refer to location of information in the text in a short essay okay so do not refer to the location of information in the text of a short essay it's awkward so don't write something like i agree with the above statement okay or don't write something like um this essay will discuss below okay it's kind of like um i'm looking at one page right just think about that right like you're the reader and you're like i'm looking at one page like i'm not stupid i know what i just read two sentences prior or yeah i can see what you're writing two sentences later so it's just awkward it's awkward for a short essay to refer to locations of information and just a few paragraphs okay so don't do that it's it's just weird it's it's not considered good writing okay um there are essays where we refer to the location of information uh but that those are usually much longer at least four or five pages okay so longer research papers for university or longer essays will refer to um in paragraphs previously mentioned okay or something like that but not in short essays all right okay so uh we have clarity and we have direction thanks to our thesis statement okay so we have the position of the author so we're agreeing um with uh the regulations that personal connections should be controlled by companies and we provide the reason so um for efficiency okay and reputation so those are the two uh clear uh points here all right and remember those really good examples that we came up with yesterday of the relationship at the law firm or the relationship at the hospital okay all right so now we get into body one body one will talk about uh maintaining efficiency okay and body one of course has to have the topic sentence the explanation and the example and a connecting sentence and basically in the ielts it's okay to have like one sentence for each okay so let's get into this a little bit students okay so everybody who's watching uh give me a topic sentence so in one sentence give me a deeper definition of what it means to maintain efficiency through having a policy of no personal relationships okay so give me a nice clear deeper definition so that me as the reader can better understand by what you mean that these kinds of policies uh help to upkeep the efficiency or the workflow of companies okay let me know what that is okay all right while you do that i'll read a little bit more here so kyber uh writes maintaining personal relationships in a workplace is common nowadays colleagues in most organizations find interest in having a close connection with each other as a consequence of spending a lot of time together therefore it is important to discuss whether maintaining these connect connections is healthy or unhealthy for who kyber for the business for the individuals kyber i like the hook and the background of your introduction but your thesis is very ambiguous even if on the ielts you would score like a band 7 let's say in a university class the professor would reject that kind of a thesis because they would say that it's an extremely ambiguous thesis especially for such a short essay so you want to have it more direct unless your thesis is later which i don't see okay so i'm assuming that that last sentence kyber uh that therefore it is important to discuss yeah that that seems like it's still a part of the background rather than the thesis okay it doesn't give clarity for your essay so maybe it's still a part of your background i'm not sure okay you need clarity in your thesis all right okay apollo says it is not a secret that a lot of people develop personal bonds with colleagues at the workplace aware of that companies end up putting in place regulations in order to discourage employees to build these types of connections most of the time neglecting these regulations can lead to the employees resignation i believe that corporations need to define rules around this subject given that it is important to have a work environment that is efficient and focused in results okay apollo just a little correction in the parallel phrasing of your thesis it is important to have a work environment that is focused in efficiency and results then you'll have parallel grammar that is focused on efficiency and results okay then it's much much more paralleled all right okay kyber so i see that you haven't provided the thesis statement make sure to always include that kyber so it's clear for me okay um danielle says these days many corporations are against forming connections at the workplace and setting some contracts because their employees would be made more productive yeah okay um janil it's good i think it's a little bit wordy okay for a topic sentence so jainila is writing the topic sentence here just to be clear all right uh one more time janelle writes these days many corporations are against forming personal connections at the workplace and setting some uh contracts because their employees would be made more productive okay so janeil um i think it's a bit wordy i think you can be more concise and i think you can replace some of those words in your topic sentence to give more information to your reader okay let's get into this so i want to i'm going to spend a little bit more time on forming these parts of the body paragraphs and then we'll speed up for the remainder of the essay okay so the topic sentence um yes one idea that should come to mind for you here is increase productivity and revenue and therefore revenue in the company okay so this is just an idea this isn't my full sentence yet this should come to mind okay now here when i'm thinking of the topic sentence right then um throughout my essay so as i'm writing this essay i should always be thinking critically right so i should always be thinking what why how what why how and the magical question that you should always be asking is why right so think about this one right so you're increasing productivity with these policies and therefore the revenue of the company why why are you increasing productivity in the company when you discourage these personal relationships okay harwinder writes policies uh to set thresholds for intimate bonds lead to less liability issues for the company and also increase productivity uh as sometimes working with colleagues without being biased okay harwinder careful you're mixing a lot of ideas so harwinder remember that the second point of the essay is reputation and we don't want to mix reputation with efficiency okay we want to keep those two ideas separate for now your body paragraphs should not overlap in their content because then they're not two paragraphs then there would be one paragraph right so you want to keep these ideas separate okay so june rights topic sentence forbidding personal relationships in the office through corporate policy ensures employees to focus on their job and steer clear of distractions from workmate affections i would write affections instead of affinities june affections okay and june you're on the right track absolutely so why because it's distracting yeah definitely so that's the reason okay so we're increasing productivity and therefore revenue and the reason that's happening is because there's less distraction with non-work related communication or non-work related interactions right so now i have all the information so first always think and then write okay it's very true what they say you have to think before you speak but it's even more true that you have to think before you write okay because when you speak it's often real time so at least you have a chance to correct your mistakes but in writing it's a one-shot bang right so you write what you think and usually that's it the person the reader often does not have a chance to find out more information or to get corrections so you have to have be extra extra careful okay so um dissuading personal interactions uh in a and in a work establishment leads to less distractions more focus on work and therefore greater productivity of goods and services which ultimately leads to revenue and growth okay so that would be your ideal topic sentence so dissuading personal interactions in a work establishment leads to less distractions more focus on work and therefore greater productivity of goods and services which ultimately leads to revenue and growth okay this is efficiency explained all right hopefully everybody sees that so how do i come up with all those ideas why keep thinking why and how and i keep visualizing the context okay all right let's explain this okay so when you're thinking about the explanation so now you're like okay well how can i explain this uh clearly to um my reader what kind of information should i be including in this explanation what comes to mind so what should this type of explanation contain okay think about that um while you think about it i'll read a couple more of um what some students wrote hi roomie um alexandra rumi sana um tried to uh come up with some sentences here as well uh fardios writes to make uh to increase profits and focus more on work um [Music] leads to more concentration without being distracted by interpersonal um communication emotional communication far to us you need more clarity there it seems a little bit repetitive and a little bit unclear you need to finish your idea okay baccarat writes increasing productivity to focus on work um will raise the value of the companies mm-hmm yeah um janelle very good so danielle says in the explanation we should focus on quantitative language and on visual language yeah absolutely okay so when you're thinking about um these ideas then uh you need to think about um how can you explain this with some numbers okay and how can you start to create kind of an image for the reader now it's sometimes quite tricky to separate the explanation from the example and you don't always have to especially in the aisles it's 250 words so sometimes your explanation and your example can be kind of almost squished together when you're practicing at home you should try to separate them but if you end up kind of squishing them together that's okay as well all right so um okay so just quickly kind of typing it up here okay uh and quantifying it and visualizing it right so all you really have to do is you just have to picture yourself or a colleague or someone at work uh throughout the day you know chit-chatting to a person that they're interested in that's their friend or that's their boyfriend girlfriend and then of course using a good portion of their time for non-work related issues so here's my explanation so when an employee thinks twice about spending two hours of an eight hour work day chit chatting about emotions to their partner they are able to either manufacture 25 percent more goods in that time or serve not server serve a quarter more clients okay uh so here uh notice that i just really quantified it so i pictured um an employee who's spending a lot of time just bla bla bla bla bla to another employee that's not work related right and two hours of an eight hour work day of course the reader will very quickly figure out that's a quarter of the time or 25 um and um if they're making something for the company right so if they're putting together chip boards or um some other type of product that they're working on obviously they will be able to produce 25 more goods roughly let's say in that time on average or they'll be able to help a quarter more clients in that time okay does everybody kind of see that explanation there now for this topic sentence okay and then i could even continue on and say overall this will lead to an increase of 25 percent uh profits for the company in the long term which we kind of get but you could if it's a longer essay you could put that there as well okay everybody clear on how i came up with that explanation by the way i strongly encourage you to come up with your own there are lots of different ways to do this and there are lots of different explanations that you could give for this topic sentence okay all right so now we want the example all right an example should be real world they should be empathetic and they should be impactful okay so ideally um your examples are something that a person can truly see it's something that a person can or the reader can think oh yeah i could i could really get that and i've actually seen that or i've experienced that and um it should be impactful because this is a persuasive essay don't forget that the goal of this essay really is to convince your reader of your idea so if you have a reader that's thinking oh it's okay to have personal relationships at work your goal right now is to convince them that hey maybe it's not maybe you should see it from the perspective of the company from the perspective of society from the perspective of the client so maybe it's not free even from your own interest so maybe it's not okay uh reggie is asking isn't it better to write goods and services um you could write goods and services to be more concise regime but goods in that time or serve a quarter more clients serving a quarter more clients as services so this is goods this is services regiver this is just a little bit more definition so it's a bit more visual like serving the client here you go and you're going to see rajvir why this works quite well here so serve a quarter more clients okay you're going to see that when i present you with the example here as well okay uh paulo writes personal relationships can make people really distracted at the workplace when they have a relationship with someone that surpasses the professional level people are likely to interact all the time to find ways to be in touch with each other instead of fully being focused on their work imposing rules that prevent this from happening can benefit businesses because that keeps employees doing what they are supposed to do in an environment where everyone is close friends productivity can decrease to less than 30 percent given that a lot of conversations around many random topics can take away from work time in a bakery near my house the ladies that work behind the counter spend too much time talking and take so long to help customers that sometimes i give up on buying um pastry and just walk away paulo don't use you don't use something otherwise it's a fantastic paragraph i really like it okay i can i especially like your example of the ladies working at the pastry not doing their job i've experienced similar situations so i'm empathetic and it's impactful i've literally have had that experience where i'm in a store and employees are chit-chatting to the point where they're not helping customers and i've literally been like i don't have time for this and away i go um so yeah very impactful it's a very very good um example don't write something okay something paulo has no value for your reader i give up on buying pastry and just walk away angry okay and that's kind of good the finishing with the walk away angry because that will be a nice connection paulo at the end of your example to the next paragraph which will be about reputation loss right and there you can tell uh in your example to your reader that you've told many of your friends and neighbors about the terrible service at this uh pastry store at this bakery okay all right so careful with those words okay so real world empathetic impactful all right um you okay so kind of similar um to paulo's um example but just from a different direction so i recently changed my family doctor because the nurse and the doctor at my old clinic are constantly discussing personal issues rather than helping patients and because of this my wait times for seeing the doctor was over an hour okay a couple of corrections one with tens here rather than repeating the word doctor and then doctor here again i can write physician okay now it's not true my actual doctor physician is an excellent doctor and very focused on their work but you know you're just coming up with examples here and this is something that some people have experienced at the dental office or at the clinic so i recently changed my family doctor because the nurse and physician at my old clinic were constantly discussing personal issues rather than helping patients and because of this my wait times now i have because because and i'm constantly reviewing and changing redundancy um so instead of because of this as a result of this my wait times for seeing the doctor uh was over an hour and then let's change my singular plural mismatch here we're over an hour okay all right so that's my example all right and um now paul says good just in case my family doctor is watching this class highly unlikely uh paulo but it's more because i respect my family doctor that i wanted to clear that up that it's not true so it's out of respect rather than out of fear that my doctor is watching this class that would be very surprising okay and here i can use an exclamation mark don't overuse exclamation marks in fact i would say rarely use exclamation marks you don't really want to shout in essays especially in persuasive essays but in this case it makes sense like you're like i'm waiting more than an hour right people get upset okay um all right uh so now a connecting sentence uh in the ielts keep it simple this is one of two reasons that i support um [Music] such company policies okay or company policies that forbid uh personal relationships in the office okay so there's my connecting concluding sentence really really simple so connecting concluding sentence here i'm just referring to the original topic controlling idea okay it's simple and it reflects the original question all right everybody can see that i'm sure okay i'm glad you guys found that a bit uh entertaining okay um and then review your paragraph once you're done writing it okay so here we go uh dissuading personal interactions in a work establishment leads to less distractions more focused on work and therefore greater productivity of goods and services which ultimately leads to revenue and growth when an employee thinks twice about spending two hours of an eight hour work day chit chatting about emotions to their partner they're able to either manufacture 25 percent more goods in that time or serve a quarter more clients i recently changed my family doctor because the nurse and physician at my old clinic were constantly discussing personal issues rather than helping patients and as a result of this my wait times for seeing the doctor were over an hour this is one of two reasons that i support company policies that forbid personal relationships in the office all right um fantastic so i have my paragraph there i'm pretty happy with it it's got a bit of a negative tone and angle i have to realize that right um but it's good positive tones are usually better like um they could be helping um a dozen more clients each day but this is good this works for this essay okay so uh all right uh jaineel right so i'm gonna read a couple more um i'm gonna read a couple more examples from our members while i do that start on um body paragraph two okay so body two will be about reputation of the company all right so start on that it's the same idea right so you need a topic you need an explanation topic sentence explanation and an example right you need all of those for a good body paragraph all right while you start thinking about that i'm going to read a little bit more of what has been written by our members so uh june if office workers spend 20 of their shift hours chit-chatting with workmates instead of concentrating on their assigned work it is likely that they are not able to complete their work tasks with enough dedication therefore restricting personal relationships means more guarantees for accomplishment and quality in any jobs more uh guarantees for accomplishment period um and then where's the example oh no example okay all right uh jaineel says uh for instance i'm working as a design engineer at expert global we're one of my peers janil it's always one of many one of my peers rahul wastes at least two hours on unnecessary talks with his colleague sheena as a result he has not completed or he has not competed with me on the same project last month um janil it sounds like you're writing something true i hope that i hope that rahul and uh sheena are not watching this right now um no i'm just i'm kidding janil uh the example's good janil i'm not sure what you mean by competed with me on the same project last month you might want to clarify that okay excuse me bahrain writes a few days ago i went to a medical club company for purchasing tablets for my mom who is suffering from pain i was standing nearly two to three hours in a line uh no employees were there because they were spending their time having a friendly lunch having a friendly lunch buckrada i would put friendly lunch in there uh witty lad i'm not 100 sure what you mean by neutral or literal vocabulary but there are no restrictions on the vocabulary that you can use in task two as long as you're using it accurately in context okay all right so there's some good writing there i'm gonna get going on body paragraph 2 here this is where we're going to practice some writing fluency so i'm going to write you're going to write we're going to hammer out the second body paragraph and the conclusion i encourage you to keep writing i'm going to take a look at the chat to see what you're coming up with and i'll kind of pick different people at different times while i'm also typing away okay so okay uh so here we go topic sentence for me furthermore companies can suffer from the loss of their image and integrity when their employees are focused on emotional bonds among each other rather than presenting a professional attitude towards uh clients and the industry okay now comes the explanation all right so i'm just kind of moving along here so continually visualizing the situation so in situations where clients feel underserved or even ignored a company can get bad reviews and even become vulnerable to legal disputes if the actions of of distracted employees leads to harm of society and customers i and then my example all right it's impactful right and making that connection with my previous body paragraph by referring to the same example so i recently heard that my old clinic is being sued for malpractice because the doctor and the nurse were so distracted by their their intimacy that the nurse gave too much medication to a patient which led to a near-death experience it's like okay hopefully nobody ever experiences that all right um uh yeah um witty lad absolutely you can use that kind of neutral vocabulary like gives show get and adjectives like wonderful splendid pompous um task two uh witty lad is um persuasive writing and in persuasive writing we do use qualitative language like splendid or fantastic okay um you just have to use it correctly so you do have to be careful on when and how you use it you have to use it strategically i think is the best word here okay but it's okay to do that all right okay um so let me get to the conclusion all right i'm not going to write a concluding sentence my essay is already becoming long enough it's easily going to be about 300 words so i'm not going to write a connecting or concluding sentence for my second body paragraph because my conclusion does that um it seems redundant and unnecessary to do that in the paragraph that's right before your conclusion okay all right gineal says allowing personal connections at the workplace leads to uncertainty between employees and owners and those companies can lose their image and integrity instead of value gineal i would go with integrity i think it's a better word in context okay miles says i worked once in a place that was divided by workers who formed alliances and created unnecessary conflicts at the expense of work and peace of mind of those who were not interested in this toxic environment okay mal i think your idea is good but you want to be a little bit more concise and direct make sure not to get personally involved in the ielts essay and then just write a lot of information from your heart okay so the aisle test is kind of like these rules at the workplace okay keep it professional uh keep it focused don't get emotionally attached to the information of your essay all right okay so in conclusion all right um so there is my conclusion i just quickly hammered it out and it really just took me like two minutes right now of course i have the english but more importantly i have the idea that i need to go with so here i'm just restating my points paraphrased then i'm strengthening my position of my argument and then i'm giving a kind of a message to take home for the reader okay they like it they might not like it it's my message i went up went with this okay so in conclusion having interpersonal connections at work leads to decreased efficiency and increased liability therefore i strongly encourage companies to implement policies against such behavior for the benefit and long-term success of the business ultimately employees are being paid to work and not to date and play okay and that kind of drives that point home it's like yeah guys okay and you know it doesn't mean that uh co-workers can't meet and then outside of work pursue their personal relationships but they really should um try to stay professional while at work okay now um finally what i'd want to do is read the whole essay from start to finish and make sure that it makes sense at home when i'm practicing i want to review this correct it paraphrase it find synonyms for words that are repeating make it more concise where possible read the question read the essay guarantee yourself that you're still on the right topic that you've answered it accurately okay all right so that's it for today everyone i liked everybody's input and um i think everybody has the right idea it's just it's a matter of practice so many of you now have clarity on structure you just have to really pay attention to those wow they're considered flaws in writing like changing the voice to you or using ambiguous nouns like something okay so uh careful with those okay bakrat writes to conclude uh personal bonding increased at workplace which has resulted in severe loss of companies and therefore imposing policies to increase value and growth of industries um bakrat it's a little bit too dense so you have too much going on within the one sentence try to separate that into two or three sentences and add a bit more clarity okay all right um so again everyone aehelp.com for academic ielts glshelp.com for general ielts check us out there those websites will greatly help you to improve your writing your speaking listening reading click that big red button to join the premium package on the websites and you won't regret it doesn't cost very much um and it will definitely help you to improve for ielts and your overall communication and english that's it for right now i will be back in half an hour with ielts task one we will look at a line graph this one will be an academic so we did general yesterday we're doing academic today hopefully this way everybody is happy so uh hang around um take a break stretch your legs grab a glass of water and i'll see you in 30 minutes i'm adrian signing out from victoria for now bye everyone you

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Keywords: IELTS, Task 2, writing, essay, paragraphs, sentences, vocabulary, introduction paragraph, band 9, body paragraphs, conclusion, IELTS description, English examination, writing IELTS, writing for task two, second part of writing, writing strategies, IELTS task 2, Lesson, Teacher, Learn, Student, Lessons, Learning, Free, Intro, Tutorial, IELTS task 2 explain, IELTS task 2 learning, IELTS task 2 explanations, plan, planning, understand, skills, strategies, task 2 ielts writing general

Id: 0qivR5ffNRg

Length: 56min 36sec (3396 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 29 2021