Most Iconic Briefing Room Moments | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm here I'm here you can start the meeting now the meeting is over you're late you missed roll call and the tutorial on using the new copier 6 years and no matter how hard I try I still can't get you to understand The Importance of Being punctual maybe you should just give up and accept me for who I am no I will break you right now while you were out being tardy I was hard at work devising a special punishment I've crafted an intricate personal high five with everyone in this office except you what but you hate high fives yes every minute of it was hell but it'll be worse for you Squad is missed goodbye Diaz salute into a fanny wagle goodbye Bo the Snake Charmer goodbye Jeffers that's a butt bump goodbye Santiago double fist bump reverse explosion into a Pete Town strum all right that was terrible but it's over now and I made it through goodbye Leonard from Xerox what no no the copy guy okay this is the junior Police program AKA Mission [Music] possible your mission should you choose to accept it is to get your life back on track hey Gina what are you doing oh hi Amy since I have nothing to offer since I'm not a cop I thought I'd just show up and learn you want to help me out here no I think I'm good I know you think getting in trouble is cool but let me show you what can happen if you continue down this path hey yo I'm an atrisk kid and I think it's cool to sell drugs hold up why does the kid selling drugs sound like he's black he's not well why not are you saying that black people can't sell drugs no I'm not saying that we have a black president why can't black people sell drugs I'm so confused black people can sell drugs black people can sell drugs black people can sell drugs black people sell drugs black people sell drugs black people Peralta where are we with the black cab holdups well I got this Jakey oh all right have at it man nice jeans boil those are surprisingly low-waisted eyes up here Gina I'm more than just a piece of ass oh not bad not bad an unlicensed cab driver has been picking up Taurus driver takes the vix Down Under the BQE robs him a gunpoint leaves him stranded unfortunately because they're tourists and our per is not Caucasian we don't have a clear idea of what he looks like he was either Latino Arab or Mexican either way very Muslim we'll go under cover dress us Out of Towners hope the pur picks us up don't worry Sarge we'll nail this guy I can't believe I was just briefly attracted to boil uh adult parties Sergeant I believe they're called orgies no look five I met my wife at orgy well she was leaving an orgy and we bumped into each other on the street real meat cute thank you for exhibiting exactly why this meeting is necessary everyone here needs some instruction on interacting with grown-ups Sergeant why am I here I'm always incredibly appropriate in high school I was voted most appropriate ooh self-burn those are rare I shouldn't be here either I'm fine at parties I just stand in the middle of the room and don't say anything here are the rules no staring at your phones no rolling in 2 hours late no sweatpants no jeans and no shorts what about dress up shorts for instance the kind genen anast stem I wear no those are still shorts no shorts and everyone bring a bottle of wine why are there so many rules I mean next thing you're going to say is we can't be late yeah that's like the first thing I said oh what's this meeting about did someone find my meatballs subub a we would never have a meeting about that b you are holding it oh meeting ined meeting is not over dummy Terry said he has some news from the office of commissioner wch oh what is that human Bliss want now does she intend to demote me even further or perhaps she'll transfer me to the swamps of New Jersey so I can Patrol the sinkhole where she was spawned or it's possible the announcement has nothing to do with you oh good than you Bara you're right maybe mine wants to inform us all that she's a chen a what a chen a Korean toilet ghost lives in an ouse wraps her hair around your throat and chokes you to death while you move your bows you know what I will give you $6,000 if the announcement is she's a chen okay everyone I have some news the madin W is a Korean toilet ghost boring we already knew that mine wch is dead say what now okay quick update on the Warren Street break in security cameras caught a picture of the suspect and guess what that's right we got a hot purple alert it's a handsome man I'd like to bring that guy to Justice we all would but unfortunately police cornered him and he shot himself in the face all right thank you for that shockingly dark update anything else uh yes something I'd like to say pretty private person so this is kind of hard for me but here we go I'm bisexual all right I will now field 1 minute and Zer seconds of questions pertaining to this go Amy how long have you known since seventh grade I was watching Save By the Bell and I thought Zach Morris is hot and then I thought Lisa Turtle also hot the fact that the words Kelly and Kapowski didn't just come out of your mouth is lunacy what made you decide to tell us now Charles found out on the road trip and I was positive he was not going to be able to keep the secret for much longer bye Rosen I mean not bye but bye I mean see you I mean have fun only having sex with men just banging dudes left and right I just stop saying by all together so are you seeing anyone now yeah her name's Tiffany are you lying about her name so we won't look her up yes I am next do you know Ann H I do oh I must say this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues they were not as the kids say awake do you mean woke I did mean woke but it's grammatically incoherent okay we have time for one more question no nope absolutely not we're done smart it was was not tasteful listen up everyone we had a murder this morning the Vic was found at 8:45 by a dog walker who led herself into his apartment oh my God it's frania this is the work of Johnny frania my white whale he's finally resurfaced not this again yes this again Johnny frania has been on a murder spree for the past 10 years and every time he kills someone he taunts me look there's a deck of cards you say that whenever there's cards at a crime scene you know how many people own cars Jake then explain this Johnny Fran's catchphrase is deuces are wild now look around the apartment two chairs two paintings two pillows three lamps you think frania gives a damn about lamps you sound so dumb right now this is why you don't have an arch nemesis Terry because you focus on the wrong details maybe I don't have an arch nemesis because I solve all my crimes that's a pretty fued up thing to say to me Amy we got to talk I just got a call from One Police Plaza they said they were trying to reach you all morning M broke my phone what do they want they moved your presentation up you're on in 20 minutes 20 minutes Amy we know where frania is we're going to go arrest him I need you to take Mac no you need to take Mac I have to go right now so do I what do we do I guess we could call that creepy babysitter you like so much the babysitter is frania even better two birds one stone we bring them to you we're not giving our baby to a serial killer oh grow up come on guess who just got murdered that's right it's Carl ma what I'm going the only one gasping guys Carl Mather did 25 years at Attica sorry sorry just point at me when you want me to gasp we'll do Patrol officers have secured a 10 block perimeter all civilians are being evacuated here's where the convicts were in for arson kidnapping racketeering assault and battery forgery and counterfeiting triple homicide woo what I'm not excited about the murders I'm excited about the chance to avenge them you guys are the weird ones Diaz I want you here with me interviewing Witnesses the rest of you will search the security area and the following team Santiago Bole Jeffers and Peralta get to work I really don't feel like having you yell at me anymore what is this it's a funeral for Jason I'm going to say a few words when Jason died 7even days ago I didn't give a rat's ass this is your speech cuz I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs until I got a dumb dog myself I've only had Arlo for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself very violent eulogy I like it Charles I'm sorry you don't have to get over it take as long as you want Scully it's time Mar so today I want to focus on facial reconstruction for over a century we used plaster cast to help identify decompose John and Jane Doe's We buried my nana Bole at the family farm but because of the soil's high salt content you turn into jerky never mind please continue now I need one person per group to have a plaster cast made of their head uh will he or she be able to speak not while the plaster is on no I vote girls I was going to vote me too I mean I know the plaster can dry at your skin but as a boil I'm aggressively moist oh you got to close that mouth boil keep still and quiet okay now that the plaster is drying you'll see why we lubricated the subject's face with Vaseline first oh no we forgot the loop Charles can you hear us what do we do doctor uh what if someone no one in this room mind you forgot to lubricate before applying the plaster oh one of my lap Tex made that mistake once it becomes impossible to remove the mask without literally skinning the subject alive it takes 5 days for the plaster to SLO off on its own and what became of the labtech oh I fired it it was an unacceptable level of incompetence H what a satisfying conclusion of that story boy a mistake was made and we can't remove your mask yet we're going to leave you in here until after the class is over because if Dr Ye sees you like this we can kiss our certification goodbye I'm sorry Bo but Hitchcock and Scully will be here with you I don't know Captain he seems pretty upset hold on look how happy he is now yes you're welcome boy Let's Get Serious people tomorrow is the wedding my mom is marrying shudder Charles's dad toilet emoji we are going to be brother and sister to think this started with us just going to town on each other's sexy parts Charles promise me that is not in your toast it's not come on man look I need everything to be perfect status update Rosa how are the flowers I don't know yellow ter bear I had my tuxedo alter to make it tighter like you wanted delicious Jake have you checked in with the Jeweler yes they said the ring will be ready at 2: on the wedding day I'm going to pick it up on my way to the ceremony this is very important Jake are you sure you can handle it uh well let's see easy last minute and crucial as hell meets all the Peralta criteria good these tasks are top priority around here people I don't care how many criminals Go free all right dismissed uh I'm not done with my briefing yet I said dismissed brawling with other police officers what were you thinking sir I had nothing to do with it I was arresting a dirty cop I heard you scream out I love this yes this being Justice I love Justice and to make matters worse our radiator was broken during your wild street ball scrum so now we have no heat which means we'll have to work at the freezing cold and our guests from the 98 will have to relocate again no Smiles no Smiles this is a sad day for our Precinct dismissed Captain you know what's kind of weird there was no one fighting over by the radiator you were the only person standing near it I suppose in the hubub I may have tripped and busted a pipe I knew it I knew you couldn't stand having someone in your space he used my letter opener to cut his tuna sandwich in half you were right they were disrespectful and had to go and yes sometimes you have to come up with a creative solution and sometimes just a bunch of dudes need to get into a room and just take that yeah yeah yeah yeah that's not the lesson here okay Kevin well hello there Raymond it's me Kevin and I am detective Jacob Peralta he didn't have anything else to wear so we just switched he understands okay if we're going to pull this off we need to teach you how to move talk and act exactly like Kevin in other words we have ourselves a pigan situation exactly a pig mailman situation right it'll be okay what it'll be okay let's get started yes let's get started it's getting worse spot on Kevin look Raymond a yellow crusted warbler look Raymond a yellow crusted warbler no you're too excited the war blur is a common bird and then I said which metamorphosis Kafka or ID loves it he loves it so that's the joke now you tell it oh okay so a professor walks into a rare books collection no you've ruined it now it's not funny look Raymond a yellow crusted warbler look Raymond a yellow crusted warbler not excited enough they may be common but they're still Birds the 92nd Street y had a wonderful Symposium on just that topic that's it you're getting it ah cool cool cool cool cool Co cool oh don't say cool instead say indeed oh indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed it's weird look Raymond a yellow crusted warbler yes that's the right level of excitement for such a bird you've captured the essence of Kevin you've done it correction I've accomplished it indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed indeed it's growing on me ladies and gentlemen welcome to the most anticipated event in this Precinct history the auction for the suitcase of mystery exactly Jacob this puppy's been in the lost and found since 1976 no one alive today knows its contents I'm happy to say captain Holt has finally given me permission to auction it off I'll let you give me a spray tan any shade you want Jake willing to sacrifice his dignity who can top it massage I'll give you a massage Charles going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified interesting approach orange Jake going once going twice I'll show you a picture of me in high school there is side pony oh Rosa coming in hot Rosa coming in hot I'll also give you full control of my hair and wardrobe I'll go on a date with you sold to Jake not to skoly that really freak me out and I just want this to end now wo so there's this suitcase I don't care yeah I don't know is anyone going to buy it I mean do I look pregnant I mean I guess I can see it I think it's amazing oh Jake and Amy and baby makes three I don't know if I believe in God but I have prayed for this that is psychotic all right Ames let's go over your cover story again okay my name is Isabelle Cortez I'm in for murder cuz some perv on the subway tried to touch me and I was like did someone order a tracheotomy okay I think that's a little too technical we need to work on your tough talk so what are you in for Cortez none of your damn business nice keep going with that I'm going a split you like a Sunday with Grandpa okay the part was great yeah although mean threats generally don't involve having desserts with your grandparents so just try again keep telling me what to do and I'll stab your face off yes like that okay now here's a plan instead of you approaching Mara we're going to get her to come to you yeah try and spread the word that you've got to con connect on the outside that gives you access to contraband cigarettes burner phones pornography I mean women don't watch they do oh yeah wow mhm huh yeah well that's an exciting Revelation for me MH huh for Captain Holton Amy's last day I've been granted permission to throw a final non-holiday Associated Heist but before we begin I'd like to say a few words these last eight years have been some of the best of my life I will always cherish our time together but not as much as I will cherish drowning you all in your own blood what it's the vinyl Heist and I will chop off your limbs and feed them to your young now quit stalling and introducing that's the spirit now since there's never been an official two-time Heist winner I won three times W it best anywh who the point is all past heists will be forgotten and the only real winner that matters is this years as they shall be crowned the grand champion of the n99 I wish I could join you all but I want everyone to know I am not playing here we go again it's true I have my interview to be the captain of the 99 this afternoon we've all seen this movie before you pretend not to play and then at some key moment you come Kool-Aid Manning through a brick wall and win the whole thing I can't run through walls I am a normal human person you do have the Kool-Aid man's exact physique and personality but he's not lying Terry will not be heisting I had him get a notorized letter that says he legally cannot win you cheated on me with another notary I mean you're making it sound more intimate than it was he just embossed something just embossed what else are you going to tell me did you just put your thumb print in his log book both of them oh my God you know what we'll talk about this later moving on the six of us will viy for the crown you mean seven you forgot about me you're not a part of this Hitchcock you're in Brazil or am I come and find out stop trying to trick us into visiting you in South America I'm kind of the biggest ball in the sack here yeah I'm pretty sure the locals wouldn't agree with that okay we're going to start off in teams I'm sure everyone could use the extra help since this year's Heist was so spur of the moment and no one had time to plan anything too complicated this year's plan is insanely complicated check it out we will be selecting our partners with the help of a beloved 99 fixture the big bag of Lo teeth what the hell are those human it's evidence from A Century of bar braws the story of New York is in this bag the story of New York is gross yeah Terry we live in a hellmouth now in this bag is a tooth with each of your initials on it who wants to root around inside and pick a partner I'm not putting my hand in a bag of dirty old teeth it's not dirt it's old blood and dried Flem who's it no one are you really all that squeamish of course they're all that squeamish it's part of my plan I'll volunteer to reach into the bag so I can rig the selection process using this magnet pretty dope right I've also added metal fillings to certain teeth to ensure we get the pairings that we want col will be playing with Norm Skully his name is Norm my name is Norm we don't have to break into teams this year you're lucky Hitchcock's with me so you're actually getting two partners three of you include my donkey friend sayone to the team donkey Scully he named him after me all right Rosa Diaz your partner will be the lovely Amy Santiago yeah want to trade Hitchcock skulling in the donkey three for one I'll even throw in cheddar why so we can spy on me oh please Cheddar's not a spy aboard she's on to us so cheddar has an earpiece wait if Terry's out that means oh yeah it's you and me buddy but I don't get it why don't you want us to be on the same team because Amy no one can know that we're working together smart and Charles will never be suspicious because he'll be so excited to be your teammate yeah that sweet little dumbass for the final heist we will all be competing for this is that my medal of valor from the very first Heist it is modeled after it yes but this is far more meaningful I got mine for saving the life of Maya Angelou boring this one says grand champion on it and it's made out of g a non-old alloy that should not be handled by women who are pregnant or nursing yours is garbage and this golden vessel is from the precinct old pneumatic tube system it's been outfitted with A Time release lock set for midnight Whoever has the medal at that time will be the winner now let the last day Heist begin it's an amazing plan babe thank you very much and everyone's going to be so shocked when they find out the big surprise that I'm leaving the 99 what did you just say yeah okay we're all set up in there Mr Peralta just uh sign here what's all set up what's going on ah thank you for asking Terrence you see the food in prison was inedible all I thought about day and night were the things I wished I was eating and you Amy I thought about you a lot sex with you just us doing sex with foreplay great safe babe thanks and so I decided to make my food fantasy come true unbutton your pants and take off your shoes cuz there's going to be a do clot of sodium at Freedom Feast 2017 We Begin where all great stories begin in the quaint little town of french fry Village after that we're going to move our adventure over to Cheeseburger Mountain which consists you guested of turkey burgers I'm kidding it's cheeseburgers this is kind of just stuffing you can avoid that but it's attached to the Thanksgiving turkey theme cuz I was thinking about that a lot up in the jail and finally we have a big old Passover brisket cuz you know I loves my mom if you would all take a seat while I make a toast kindly raise your two leaders to freedom to you and most importantly to orange drink and sex with Amy to sex with Amy sorry shouldn't have said that last part I have a great idea for a prank before Holt comes in I'm going to put ink on the podium where he puts his hands I don't think your fault for that I did how I haven't even opened this yet I guess it's unrelated Captain hold hates pranks this is going to backfire man G fine I'll tone it down I'll move his Podium a foot to the left what he'll be so angry okay 5 in five three three one one all right I'll move it a half inch fine it's your funeral oh my God worst prank ever some stupid h's not even going to notice good morning you guys it the podium is you're crazy how did you pull this off [Music] w

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 587,171

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn 99 i want it that way, brooklyn 99 bloopers, brooklyn 99 backstreet boys, brooklyn 99 funny moments, brooklyn 99 captain holt, brooklyn 99 cold open, brooklyn 99 full episode

Id: 6tPsoJXFdC4

Length: 22min 48sec (1368 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 26 2024