Amy but she gets progressively more Amy | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

how do I get H to pay attention to me sure spends a lot of time on Peralta maybe I should start screwing up like Jake does I can act out too you know please do okay watch this oops but you shouldn't feel bad only like 10% of people pass on the first try I know and I'm all exhausted because of the night shift plus my bathroom break during the test took a little longer than anticipated may I use the restroom [Music] please uh-oh nothing to see here excuse me sorry little desk that's why they say it's test time so diaper up they say that I've never said that I've never worn a diaper during a test Who would wear a diaper during a test it's ridiculous sorry look don't give up on the green initiative you're a great Sergeant you'll get everyone on board not Gina yes Gina you can handle her you can do this starge it's test last time diaper up I am psych to go on this weekl long cruise just sitting around doing nothing straight up living that slug life y'all Cruise itineraries hot off a laminator who's ready for some non-stop totally scheduled fun oh I actually thought we could just sit by the pool eat unlimited shrimp and see what it does to our bodies that's cute I don't know if there's going to be time though the cruise offers 77 activities and I signed us up for 76 of them speed dating for widows seem like a bummer okay so slightly different perspectives going into this Cruise okay I've got something oh that's not Brandon's profile it's mine I just want a quick peek at your attendance record zero absences oh mama printing this for later keep it in your pants Santiago oh that's exactly where it's going the part is not happening that means we're just in a hotel in Rochester this is a nightmare I learned a bunch of new dance moves for tonight once where you move your butt nothing we don't think you're pregnant Sharon's pregnant that's not true God I hope it's not true what if Sharon's pregnant well it would appear you figured out my little secret we don't know no secret You' be crazy I always talk like this Don to cooko I don't understand what is happening allow me to explain Amy and I were ahead of you the whole time no you weren't part of this get back over to the loser side loser all right worth a shot so how'd you pull it off well it all started when I went to tell Jake how badly he hurt my feelings and he yelled at my breasts oh boy I am not going to come off well in this story nope remember when you set off the witch you may Captain H Flinch which was weird since his door was closed but not weird since he actually heard it over a bug he planted at your desk it was in an old muffin that you never threw in the trash that's why people threw away garbage how are we together anyway I tapped into the bugs frequency so I had ears on Jake I needed to know what Holt was up to that's where Hitchcock came in I Mastermind the entire plan you did one small thing and I had to explain it to you like 45 times he left a tiny crack in the blind so I could read the captain's lips Sharon and your kids will distract Jake they'll be here at 9:30 sharp my Waffle xylophone on the Cheeseman what my lip reading is not Flawless now that I knew your plan it was simple to disrupt while Scully gracefully moved the witch I got into character H triggered the witch which brought Jake into the room and I threw the crown in the trash can exactly as I planned then I sent you all here placed an out of order sign on the perfectly functional elevator made you all walk up 31 flights of stairs and vomit twice actually it was four times if you count all the stairwell stuff you thought I was just Holtz Lackey and you thought I was just Jake's girlfriend well I'm my own person capable of making my own decisions and I decided to humiliate you both well you did and it was awesome one last question where's the Crown oh it's at Shaw's bar the official site of my coronation I don't love the sash but it's fine I'm just going to get it what that's the first one you tried on I once saw you look at 54 different accordion folders and not buy any of them due to weak tabs I file hard I need strong tabs I just don't want to take up any more time your break's not even a quarter done I'll stay another 10 minutes you'll stay until I dismiss you Irene music now spin all units attemp to 10 30 Charlie Bodega on Smith purpose heading East on Baltic that's us we're on Baltic oh crap that was him hey and [Music] [Music] stop stay down damn sge maybe I do like the stash hello Jacob hes what are you doing here why aren't you out looking for the belt you and I both know the belt never left the precinct I don't know that nobody knows that I kept thinking how did anyone swap my key and then it hit me they didn't they swapped the safe one of the handmaids I'm assuming fake Charles took my safe and then of Amy deposited a lookalike what did you give fake Charles so he'd help you nothing in fact he gave me something the power of Financial Freedom I invested in a pyramid scheme it's no time to go into it right now okay so while we all tried to figure out who had the real key fake Charles brok into the safe removed the tracker and L Terry and the whole squad on a wild goose chase my only question is which box is the belt in well good luck figuring it out because the clock is Tick Tick talking it's that one no the dust pattern on top doesn't match its neighbors you see Jake I'm always going to be one step ahead of you you've lost the ability to surprise me you're just plain boring again again weird take on a very loving relationship and it's midnight so I guess I'm an amazing human SL genius yeah although you might want to read the inscription on that there belill why oh no what does it say Amy Santiago will you marry me surprise okay here it goes am I love you I love how smart you are I love how beautiful you are I love your face and I love your butt I should have written this down first no no it's okay go on I love how much you pretend to like die hard I like the second one you don't have to okay yeah you're kind and you're funny and you're the best person I know and the best detective also for reals I love your butt I love yours too gross Amy Santiago will you marry me Jake Peralta I will marry you hey by the way Amy was really nervous to meet you so don't judge her too harshly for all the weird singing oh no I'm dating my son of a ex-husband who am I to judge I think she's really great I think you're really great too she's very good at lip reading I wouldn't say I'm very good I mean deaf people they're the real talents just can't stop I'll let you guys talk I'll just close my eyes oh please how selfish that little speech you just gave it was all about you and what you need how unbelievably selfish okay well I don't want to get mad right now cuz I know Amy's worried about you h no screw that noise how dare you call Jake selfish he just wait wasted his entire honeymoon trying to take care of you while you wallowed in your misery like a little baby that seems a little harsh oh does it I don't give a hoot oh damn for The Last 5 Years all I've done is give a hoot about you and what you think gave a hoot about you as a boss gave a hoot about you as a mentor I gave a hoot about you as a friend she gave so many Hoots not anymore after the way you've acted and what you just said to Jake I don't give a hoot what you think and I really don't give a hoot if you decide to quit the NYPD so do it I'm all out of Hoots I'm hotess what uh nothing I'm going to go over to there now Jake what's going on why is Amy's Hair like that oh she obsessively braids her hair when she's nervous and she's super nervous cuz she's taking the Sergeant's exam today but Amy loves tests not this one it's always been her plan to be the youngest captain in the history of the NYPD but if she doesn't pass this exam she's going to have to wait another 3 years to take it again and that'll disrupt her entire life calendar is that a real thing it hangs over our bed so she's stress braiding big deal it's like a one on the Santiago Panic scale yeah but we've also jumped up to level two creepily singing songs from The Great American song book You're a Grand Old Flag you're a high flying flag so yeah it's a little tough right now but I think the worst is behind us why are you taking so long to cook my freaking oatmeal she'll be okay two bottles of vka is this going to be the weekend we finally meet six drink Amy six drink Amy what does that mean it's the Pinnacle of the Santiago drunkenness scale one drink Amy's a little spacey wait what two drinks loud Amy you want to get a cab three drinks Amy dance pants four four drink Amy is a bit of a pervert hey check it out and five drink Amy is weirdly confident let's do this little [Music] man but I've never seen six drink Amy maybe she's the one I could actually be friends with AKA my Sasquatch Santiago your a test result from the Sergeant's exam has arrived oo everybody make room Amy needs adequate space to do her signature dork dance I don't know if there's going to be a dork dance oh look how small that envelope is that's not a big good news envelope that's a little bad news envelope what that's nuts sge tell her envelope size doesn't matter if I'm being honest I got a much bigger Emon oh God unhelpful Terry very unhelpful mine was bigger too okay I just won't ever open it that way I'll never get rejected fine I'll open it no do it harder I opened it you passed oh my God I'm going to be a sergeant you're going to be a sergeant yes oh no it's happening woo that's my future wife so Captain I want to tell you something I think you're like when I was a little girl you think I'm like when you were a little girl forget it the moment's passed is this about your toast how'd you get that Gina gave it to me very well written there are several compelling anecdotes the fonts suit the tone good work I did feel however the word choice could have been improved in spots I marked them a for awkward that was the best thing anyone's ever said to me I marked them a for awkward it's advice he's mentoring me yes hey what's going on man the answer to that question goes back to a Brisk day in 1997 a day you told a lie but the lying stops right now oh no you broke some poor kids science project we have to fix it kind of in the middle of something oh you know what crib cycle I got this great so Danny true or false you were on the football team true and true or false you had third period with Brandon Bliss I honestly don't remember it was true we checked the records and I have one more question oh Jake can you get me that oxygen on the floor little red guy sorry you know what yeah I'll get it Amy I'm ready to to go yep totally I'm almost done with this project but I don't need to finish it because what matters is that you are going through something and as your wife and love of your life are you vamping so you can finish that I only have two molecules left come on man Jake we need to talk yeah you guys do need to talk that sounds excellent friendship so much history I'm just going to get this out of your way oh man okay you ready mhm hello oh oh my God are you Melville Dewey indeed I am I invented the Dewey Decimal System but right now I'm working on the doomy Decimal System mhm yeah this is really working for me really yeah awesome so Mr Dewey can you save me from the terrorists that have taken over nakatomi Plaza yes hly janiro I just need to file them in the library card catalog yeah this is really hard to track let's just take our clothes off oh thank God this old jacket is so hot yeah nobody could organize this place nobody here's what I need sticky notes three sizes 10 colors permanent markers clickable only I don't want cap slowing us down and I need garbage bags 33 gallon blackout s chop what are you all doing here go go go a 300 call number in the fine art section what is this bayroot you know you don't work here you don't have to reshel the books well someone has to I'm so sorry I'm just really stressed out you're a great librarian and I'm sure you're not the one who shelled the section I am God Debbie what is going on with you for I have only this to say Victory shall be mine I heard you practicing in the shower you can't surprise me letting me into your life was the worst mistake you ever made cool fun take on our relationship this is taking forever can't you just forge the signatures I'm a notary Rosa you can't say stuff like that around me I could lose my stamp over that I've never met anyone who cares so much about stupid bureaucracy bureaucracy is not stupid it's elegant it's a beautiful puzzle waiting to be cracked every rule every form has its purpose it all fits together and when the puzzle is solved and you take a step back and see the big picture it's like staring into the face of God hey we moved up a spot oh you seem like a real nerd astronomy is full of interesting facts for instance here's one that Hollywood doesn't want you to know a parseek is actually a measure of distance one of the many inaccuracies in the Star Wars Universe mhm and was Star Wars oh boy maybe I'm getting ahead of myself okay let's talk planets Jupiter is a gas giant so Hitchcock how does this help me it also has 67 moons I came up with a fun pneumonic device to remember them all it goes every individual gets crayons after telling his aggressive little mongoose painter called nnest some lies about tiny Panda heads period maybe one kid could take her elephant into California except where's Gina she told me you call me a gas giant well now you and I will never hook up never have I ever had sex in the back of a car no way everyone's done that yeah except for you Kylie you're telling me you had sex in the back of a car actually it was a school bus on the way back from model with me andar it's like I don't even know you look we've done like nine rounds of this and you haven't drunk once maybe we should play something else that actually gets you drunk I love you dude but you haven't had the craziest life that's not true I've done stuff just say ones that are a little less wild uh never have I ever made a turn without signaling okay a turn is a big deal it's not like you said never never have I ever changed lanes without signaling never have I ever changed lanes without signaling you guys are insane never have I ever accepted the terms and conditions without reading them it's too risky left a movie without watching the credits those people worked hard used more than the recommended amount of conditioner they make the conditioner they know what they're doing lame let's play something else no no no no okay never have I ever had a one night stand with a guy from a band whoops yes I have whoa I am V impressed am me V impressed in fact Kylie it was the lead singer of your wedding band boom that's right I'm a wild girl watch out Madonna oh my God she's totally going to flunk us I haven't gotten an F since I failed recess in second grade teachers need a break too Amy since there's a good chance that things are coming to an end I just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've taught me I know you may not see yourself as my mentor but of course I do I've been mentoring you all this time what this is day 1,282 of a 9-year mentorship I had mapped out for you under ordinary circumstances I wouldn't reveal this to you until day 3300 it was real there was a binder not anymore no you can still Mentor me if we don't work together we could meet for breakfast every day you could teach me over eggs eggs for breakfast further behind than I thought no look okay there are 10 hours left sir if you talk fast enough enough you can teach me everything interesting okay you have to take notes do you think you can keep up let's just say I was president of the stenographers Club in high school for a reason was the reason because you were the only member yes this way Sano what's going on is this a dream no I'm not holding a label maker I'm sure you had your reasons for going to Peralta but this is exactly the type of job I would love to have okay the next time someone threatens to kill me I'll come straight to you thank you sir I can't wait I didn't mean let's catch this bastard thanks for taking us Marty please Ray we're family hey neither of us can understand you at all the visual examination doesn't show much inflammation but these x-rays should be more telling let's see what's beneath the surface you stop Sago I oh God I forgot I promised to help you and I made plans to go to the birkar with my boyfriend o wait so you lied to me to get out of work yes I may be a liar but I've got great teeth and no one can take that from me have you heard of over brushing oh no your aggressive technique has Stripped Away the protective enamel and much of your gum you have seven cavities I have to say I feel like you deserve this this facility is a violent place filled with hardened criminals we need to send someone who can blend in sir I would be honored to take on this challenging assignment why is everyone laughing I can be a badass you're raising your hand right now we're in a meeting okay well I've been planning this wedding for the last 6 months and if you told me yesterday everything that was going to go wrong I would have had a panic attack that sent me into the ER but I'm here and I've never been happier life is unpredictable not everything's in our control but as long as you're with the right people you can handle anything and you Jake palala are the right person for me but I do have some bad news there is a bomb at this wedding as well what your butt your butt is the bomb there will be no Survivor okay look Captain Kim lied to us there's something in this house that proves she's been conspiring with meline wch and we're going to find it I am not letting you Snoop around in her stuff and ruin this party oh okay well good luck trying to stop us Jake you don't know who you're dealing with do you I was student chaperon at every dance from middle school on I've stopped more horny teenagers from making out to Savage Garden then you can count cool story but we're not horny teens we're horny adults and tonight we're going all the way you're going to get the job and you're going to become commissioner and we'll all figure out what to do about Murphy I'm touched but it's moved we've missed the cargo plane and now there's no way to get back in time for me to make my meeting nuh-uh Amy what up bro I need you to climb back on that strongness ladder and I need you to climb pretty high how high remember that time we went to the deli for cold cuts and the ticket machine was broken so you found out what time everyone arrived and made them get in a single file line from earliest to latest yeah higher copy that you might want to stand back for this sir it can get pretty intense all right you mukes our Union Health Plan has 100% reimbursement for out of-state ambulance rides Scully will fake a medical emergency you don't need to fake it always having at least one great you call an ambulance and have it take us here to moroe Louisiana the ambulance can drive 25 mil over the posted speed limit so we'll get there by 9:00 p.m. there's a small airport there mostly servicing crop dusters of course they can't take passengers but thanks to a loophole in HR 37755 1 police officers are allowed to comeand Deer any plane in the interest of National Security the crop duster will land at an air strip outside of bburg Maryland we take a cab to Baltimore jump on the 640 a.m. train to New York arriving at 9:26 Kevin will meet us at Penn Station with a fresh Captain's uniform from there it's a 29-minute cab ride to One Police Plaza you change on the way and we should get to your meeting with 5 minutes to [Applause] spare stop clapping you idiots we got to move move move I love [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 1,366,083

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, NBC, Amy Santiago, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn nine-nine i want it that way, brooklyn nine-nine bloopers, brooklyn nine-nine funny moments, amy santiago, amy santiago will you marry me, amy santiago late for work, amy santiago and jake peralta, amy santiago oh mama

Id: JVxfkYFBYhw

Length: 22min 48sec (1368 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 01 2023