He won’t discuss marriage | Talks with Tony

hey hey tony guys here popping in now we moving right along in the talks with tony series uh i had a video go up earlier today so hopefully this video number two if it gets uploaded now we're gonna jump right on in um and i only got 37 minutes on this one i got a vip session somebody signed up for a vip session so what we do is we try to get a person in a coaching session within 24 48 hours um you know for the investment they making so y'all i got to try to be on time on this one now i got 36 minutes yeah we running out of time good morning i have been seriously dating this guy off and on for about seven years now usually only breaking up due to long distances apart both of us have professions where we are constantly moving for extended extended periods of time when we are together things are lovely very little arguments over the last three years we have maintained a relatively healthy long-distance relationship i don't have reason to believe he is seeing other people to be honest i never had a reason to question him but i want to get married there really isn't a timeline but there is a part of me that feels as if i'm wasting my time he doesn't discuss marriage with me at all i have always been clear about what i wanted but he often deflects when we discuss marriage and later an argument begins that has nothing to do with marriage at all the topic may be related but it definitely doesn't answer my question he loves me i know from how we are over the phone and together he uses his previous relationships as an excuse claiming he still needs to get over some things i am divorced as well i understand people process pain and experiences differently but i am losing patience at the same time i am in love with him i would like the opportunity to show him love in a way he deserves it he gives me he gives me all the time and attention he can despite our schedule long distances and time differences some days i feel as if i'm being unreasonable due to his commitment to me other days i feel as if i am right i love him who i am at this moment only want to be with him i can see me spending my life with him his actions say he feels the same but he doesn't want to discuss it is it wrong to encourage a conversation he doesn't want to have is it wrong i feel as if i have to leave due to marriage even though i have everything else am i being unreasonable to want it all respectfully a confused woman look at you with my good eye now and she titled her email am i being unreasonable her picture turned sideways that's how i got turned computer sideways all right out there i could see you good enough here okay dokey all right all right i'm trying to see which one of my eyes see you the best um okay you might be out of town because i see when you wrote this or 4 25 a.m my time so you might be somewhere well so in case you got to go uh yes you're wasting your time all right in case you got to go i'm guessing now if you got a few minutes i shout with you why you wasting your time but yes you're wasting your time let me let you know your video going up so you know to watch this all right yeah i just want to let you know that's going to be up because you didn't wasted enough time i just want you to go ahead and go about your business now see for one let me break this down to you you don't have a relationship i hate to say that like that nah you of age so that's why i could be a little bit more direct with you than i could with the 21 year old i was talking to yesterday i think but um uh you're not in a relationship and i try to get people to understand this when you're dealing with a man but a long-distance relationship is not real for a man a man is very physical i was just talking to one of my homeboys who his wife was gone for like a day or two in another city went there to do a baby shower i think with her friend and he said man when my wife is not here this house don't even feel right nothing feels the same i don't know what's like it just don't feel right and i can attest to that and we both too healthy successful driven you know we're not controlling we're not grown boys we two grown men and what he said i'm like whoa one time my wife had to go to vegas for like two days or three days and she was in a um show or fitness fitness competition when she used to do the fitness competing her and her friend her friend married too um she was older than her though but they went out there and you know i didn't go i was home with with the boys and [Music] them two three days felt like eternity and i'm gonna tell you as a man like that's what it feel like when you truly love a woman and when you truly love a woman and and it's crazy that you said this to me because a young lady wrote me yesterday on instagram and i showed my wife the message i said i said now look at what this lady got on in her picture um because she was dressed scantily clad that's the word and my wife was like wow and i said now look at her message and she talking about the man love her and she was saying the same thing essentially i know he loved me but he don't see me on holidays and he got a girlfriend he lived with his girlfriend and two kids and we live in the same neighborhood and we have secret and i know he loved me because it's been five years and a lot of times women believe that a man dealing with you for several years mean he love you that have nothing to do with it the reason why is because men just don't take our life that serious like a man will walk into a woman life and give that woman 20 years of his life and the reason why he can give you seven years of his life is because every time he away from you he could be sleeping with whoever he wants to sleep with so it's really like y'all not even on relationship and you say you have no reason to believe he's dealing with somebody else what are you dealing with he's is he a priest is he the pope is he is he apostle paul uh i don't mind his devil workshop i don't care what he got going on one thing a man need going on is a release he can have all the business and all that going on he gave him a release so wait so you think he's just selling for hansel he's there watching acid moving if y'all going extended periods of time you don't think he talking no other woman touching no other one [Music] okay but in this letter you speak to nothing about you know his belief system his faith like his purpose his mission in life like all that have to be clear and evident for a man to be faithful to you and and then you say am i being unreasonable to to unreasonable to want it all to want what since you ain't got nothing you ain't got nothing you've been with this man seven years like i don't believe in being a baby mama but at least some women have a baby to show for the relationship he ain't trying to get you know children of no marriage and you should do marriage now it should be marriage first and yeah it ain't no bad honor to have a man baby if he if you ain't his wife so don't y'all try to twist my word so you saying a woman ought to be happy to be a baby mama no i'm not saying that but what i'm saying is at least that's something meaning that man said we finna be connected for life because you have my child this is the situation right here now don't go get pregnant because he don't want you and the reason why i say that is a man and i and it's crazy how do you let us be coming in i guess i go in order and i read them on the camera but i just talked about um in another video i don't know if it was the one from earlier today or yesterday i just was explaining about how a man not going to be with you more than three years without marrying you if he want to marry you see this man here has even more of a reason to marry you because y'all be going two separate ways so if he married to you at least he know that you got a covenant you got a commitment that you have to think about before you talk to another man because women get weak too you know it's several women who their man is deployed and the woman singing on another microphone okay and doing the ungodly it is several women doing that so women get weak too and listen no man in the world believe that a woman is perfect and that a woman will never cheat no man believes that every single man believes that every single woman under the right circumstances is capable of cheating so therefore a man who loves you is going to do everything in his power to marry you to have you in a fully committed relationship so that if you consider cheating you gotta think about your marriage your covenant your vows your lifetime commitment to this man and then you have to choose beyond that to go on ahead with your business and cheat so the man is thinking about this this man thinking about this and he looking at this situation like okay so when he leaving you single meaning you unmarried and you all around the world he all around the world y'all going this way in that way he's saying to you i don't care if another man swoop in and sweep you off your feet and woo you now this is not common sense obviously because y'all know i keep going through these questions i'm asking these questions and i'm like wow y'all really don't know that but i think this is very beneficial and that's why i'm answering them because when other people get to hear it out loud they like oh you know what i believe the same i went through the same thing i was just like she was so don't feel like you dumb because you cannot see this that he don't love you because you're not a man you're not a man and when i say he don't love you i mean he's not in love with you because when a man is in love with you he gonna marry you he may have love for you okay so now what that means is if the lord called you home he would be at the funeral crying it might not be a ocean of tears it may be a a pond it could be a pond it probably ain't gonna be a glass of water or for tears but he'll be there and he will okay share them a couple that's how he feel about you and the reason why i try to help women understand the nature of men men we either all in or we are we either give you our whole heart and we'll give you none of our heart this man gave you none of his heart because if he get is no way in the world he gave you his heart and that be with you just banging you around for seven years and not marry you so are you wasting your time 100 absolute lay you are absolutely wasting every second of your being every second of your life when you could be meeting a man who is ready for love and who is dating intentionally and he marry you within two years this man here then strung you out for seven years and then every time you want to talk about it he don't want to talk about it and then he want to move on to the next conversation and then want to start an argument a few conversations later but really stemming from you want to talk about marriage and then you don't have the confidence or the where with all the self-esteem the agency to bring up marriage and have a real conversation about marriage because you don't want to make him uncomfortable so you don't even feel fully comfortable expressing yourself and letting this clown know like listen man you don't waste it seven years of my life you really you are you serious right now like i don't wait on you seven years thinking that we gonna get married and you just dangling me a little carrot like i'm buzz bunny and looking funny treat me like a dummy and i'm trying to get my honey you saying i'm saying this man spraying you out yeah that's you got your kisha cole single right there because he's a strong you out for seven years you mean and then y'all be apart from each other he don't bit more won't you than the woman on the moon you don't bit more watching than the woman on the moon so what what he has reduced you to is a roster filler your roster filler so like when you look at college a college basketball team they'll have seven guys that get in the game eight guys that get in the game but they'll have 15 guys on the team that number 12 through 15 is essentially our roster fillers like hey we got the extra space we got the extra uniform got extra shoes you might as well just be on the team because that way we got 15 players we can do three teams of five and go full court scrimmage that's what a man does he say okay boom got you all right when i'm not on this hill job where i got to go this way to go that way i could be with you i'll be with you when i'm out there boom when i'm over in this country city got this lady over here and this one got this lady over there this got this lady and what he do is in each city he just get on he just get on um plenty of sharks or dumble or you know one of the other ones and just find him somebody local boom go on a date with her he texting her talking to her when he not on the phone with you he on the phone with her he building with her and then he talked to you he could talk to you two three four hours when you get off the phone with you he called her for an hour too and he just got that time outside of work that's what he doing while he working he texting you he texting her and then when he's not talking to you he might get on the phone with you eight o'clock nine o'clock boom move it moving night with her netflix and chill 10 p.m you sound asleep or talking to you 9 10 p.m but did lunch with her or did six o'clock 7 o'clock dinner with her it's very very very very easy for me to cheat because it's 24 hours in a day and and most women 99 of women don't require much 99 on women do not require much women be so happy to talk to a man every other day and be feeling special to talk to a man every other day it's just how you feel special after heating strong you alone for seven years and you say i know he loved me where where the man not gonna be with you for seven years and love you and not marry you they don't have they don't go with love at all danny what that's what you think love look like come on sister i hate to break this one to you now i hate to break this one tell you says that ain't what love look like okay and a man love you he trying to marry you in a yeah he really fighting himself holding off from the six month mark 10 month mark he like man let me just hold off because i'm gonna hold off to like 12 months 13 months 15 118 just so i can look normal i don't want to scare the woman away but man i know she's the one i'm in love with her i love everything about her love her personality love this and that and the third i'm ready when a man know his wife when a man meet his wife he know that's his wife and he ready to take her off that dating market you hear me he has left you on the market he don't even get to see your life and you say to be honest i never had the i had a reason to question him y'all alone this is you ain't gonna have no reason to question that game tight that game sold up you hit me that game showed up a man could live with you and cheat on you a man with all this freedom and time and space and room you he ain't got to raise a single red flag because that's too that's too easy maintain a relatively healthy long distance relationship and see that's the thing it's always easy for a man to be healthy when he ain't got to be up under you well he got to give you a lip service you see what i mean all he got to get you is lip service so yeah that's gonna be easy that's gonna be easy and then when y'all get together that's like a vacation because he'd have been away from you so he had all the time in the world to do all of that right there so when he get with you ain't no reason to be arguing and fussing and fighting you say with very little arguments look it ought to be zero arguments when y'all coming from long distance that ought to be zero argument so that's what i need you to understand and and i i hate having to say this because boy y'all get upset and this is how we are as humans it's human nature when we hear something that goes against what we believe is true it messes us up it messes us up we want to fight we want to argue listen i ain't hit hard with you i know what i know and i'm going to tell you one thing a long distance relationship is not real for a man listen if that man ain't dripping olive oil that man don't sweat olive oil which is holy anointing oil you mean that man on drake drank grape juice every day to resemble the body of christ and eating love on flavorless wafers i mean that's the blood of christ that resemble the the body listen to me danger man that is not your man that man got all kind of stuff going on when you talk to that man you ought to catch the holy ghost if that man is faithful to you in long distance you ought to catch the holy ghost when you talk to him annoying got to be dripping off that man you hear me when you listen that man talk that man break something down to you that man speaking in your life that man share something with you a revelation he got about life you get the chills do you hear me you you feel the anointing if you can't feel the anointing on a man at any time you know at some point that man ain't got what it take to be faithful and even the man that you can feel the anointing on still gonna struggle with it because he's human and he's a man which is different than a whoa man so as a woman you might not you might be like i could be away from my man a year and i have no desire to cheat it's easy to be faithful okay congratulations speak for yourself speak for yourself all right talk to you all right here go a cookie here you go you go your cookie miss it's so easy to be faithful okay that ain't the case for me man that is not the case for me and i don't care what i don't care what he look like who he is what he say what he do he is going to be tested and tempted and because in a man it's a man place to be fruitful and replenish the earth so that little ticking that's ticking in him that's making him seek out a mate seek out a woman that he could be with and reproduce with the companionship and all that that's a bonus but he looking to reproduce that's how men are moving and thinking a man they say now oh i just want love all the love in the world that's not what a man thinking he thank liv won't mail a woman i can have my old companion they get them pancakes all right oh yeah we could talk about bloggers and youtube and all that too but he's trying to get them pancakes and then he want to be able to see his seed come to fruition he want to be able to see his harvest that's his children that's what a man is focusing on and so when he his mind and his body is working like that 24 7. so when he not round you guess what his mind he looking at other women until he comes into a place of pure holiness pure righteousness until his mind has been renewed you hear me by the blood of the lamb do you hear me so now i'ma tell you now you have the right to believe whatever you want to believe about your man you have the right and if he has shown you that he is faithful and trustworthy he don't struggle with nothing sasha he has shown you that okay that's between you him and the lord god bless you he'll go a cookie but i'ma let you know right now that right there that one in a thousand might be one in ten thousand you mean it might be one in a hundred thousand you hear me listen what i'm telling you now listen to what i'm telling you because i ain't gonna tell you wrong so with this right here when you long distance at the 12 month mark is when a man should be getting ready preparing his proposal when you in person when you live together in the same city when you long distance a man may go 24 months because he don't get to see you as much he doesn't know you as well when you long distance on to the contrary when you long distance he may try to move faster to lock you down because he ready for you to have to move to him or him to move to you so y'all could live together and make this thing happen okay nah i ain't sleep a whole lot last night i was up studying working researching and so i'm sitting here talking i'm falling asleep while i'm talking to you i keep falling asleep with my eyes open while i'm talking to you so i need to go on get on ready to go for now i got a coach in 11 minutes and i'm gonna tell y'all now as a life coach make sure you take the life coat certification on tonygaskinsacademy.com while it's still 500 it will go up to 750 on march 9th so if you are aspiring life coach make sure you take that and i'm gonna now i'll teach you in that course the mistakes i made lesson and stuff i i did and then when you finished you could join mymentor.life and i have retired from my regular one-on-ones right now all i have a vip session so i got one here at three o'clock and one a day at six o'clock that's two sessions i'm tired today and so i got to conserve a little bit of this energy that's why i started this this here late so i ain't have a whole hour i gave myself just a little bit of time so i got to go because i'm tired today now i was working late last night but now listen to me [Music] listen to me the wrap this here on up because we got to go we got to go and go because i'm getting ready to take my nap for two minutes now listen to me when i say this man long distance had the most gonna take 24 months to start preparing his proposal to get on that one knee and that's because he know when y'all get married something got to give somebody got to change their job somebody got to resign from their job somebody got to make a move because y'all married y'all finna make this thing he'll work this man right here what what he has made your relationship is and you say he loves me i know from how we are over the phone and together over the phone don't mean nothing a man could hate your guts and be amazing over the phone and then when y'all together it's just like you know it's like a retreat it's like a vacation you know it's like you just you got to just put on good energy for that little window of time because you know you can get ready to go back to freedom so it's like going to visit you your in-laws or your grandparents or whoever it may be you just got to smile and nod for just to get through that right now because you know you going back to your house and that's all what so what he has done is he has made you a glorified pen pal but being that we got the phone in your phone pal you're a glorified phone pal and so what he has made do in his mind is you are a woman who you are [Music] his not usually only breaking up due to long distances apart both of us have professions where we are constantly moving for extended periods of time y'all need to work that out y'all get that together y'all need a new profession if you want love and marriage you got to make your profession you know you you can make money any kind of way now but no we can't have it all when you want to be in a profession that you got to move for long extended periods of time and you want love and relationship the two don't go you got to you got gotta make a choice career or the marriage both not gonna flourish you could do both but i'm telling you as a life coach who behind closed doors who who behind the scenes and stuff like this right here both ain't on flourish both hang on flourish if i'm traveling all the time every single week my relationship going to suffer with me be i had to redo my business that's why i added youtube to my business i had youtube for from 2011 i just got serious with youtube at the end of 2019 and then through 2020 my partner we working on a deal and he said send me your last three years of youtube 2018 was like zero 2019 was a blip 2020 was totally different because that's when i first started taking it real serious and the reason why the reason why was because i said to myself i want to be home with my family more to be to see my sons all day moments and not have to miss much and i want to be there for my wife so we don't have to be trying to start over and rebuild and reconnect every time i come home but we could just be on a continuous flow so what you have to realize is that if you you know you may have to start looking for another type of career if you want a husband and you want marriage and you want the man to be faithful because in marriage the two become one so you can't expect a person to just be faithful when the other half of them is always gone because you're dealing with a human so you could say yeah oh no it could be baby better be faithful we adults we gonna be hateful listen you dealing with a human you're not dealing with a robot you're not dealing with a god you're dealing with a human a human so you got to get stuff together this ain't like with your kids if you working two three jobs your kids gonna be smoking weed point blank period your kids gonna be sleeping around at 12 13 14 years old you got to change your job so that you could be there more for your children you see it when a father lead a home sometimes the boy started acting up at school and it's because the parents went through a divorce or the father no longer there or vice versa the mother no longer there so now the child start acting out in school like that is how every aspect of life to where you can't serve just everything to one thing you got to find a healthy balance so i'm working with you right now this helping add to my income i'm working with two clients one-on-one that's helping add to my income but before this i'm spending time with my wife before this video after this video after that coaching session i'm with my family for them two hours then if one of them got practice which my youngest may have practiced on at practice while he had practice so i'm spending time with him 40 minutes there 40 minutes back i come home now i'm spending time with my oldest son then after that both of them go to bed not me and my wife got time so in one day i don't work with you on youtube i don't work with my clients that i'm coaching one-on-one and i don't spend time with my family if i'm out of town working i can't do with that with my family and take my son to practice you see what i'm saying so if you want marriage you're gonna have to start looking for a transfer or for a different type of job in your industry with both of y'all having that type of job y'all not even meant to be together anyways because if you going left and he going right y'all not meant for each other if you got to go left you supposed to have a man that he could work from his laptop or from anywhere in the world so he could go left with you or vice versa so you got to understand a relationship is going to fit together like a puzzle looking at the time y'all forgiven it's going to fit together like a puzzle and you have to understand that so when you look at the foundation of the relationship if y'all don't have the same foundation if y'all can't stand and build together that's not your husband a relationship is not supposed to be acrobatics and rocket science it's not that you're gonna fit it's too many people in the world for you to be trying to put a square in a round hole it's too many people in the world so you have to keep moving on with your life until you fit meet the man that fits you like a glove that join with you like a puzzle piece that's what you gotta get to you have wasted seven years getting very little lessons from a man that is not your husband because if he your husband he would have married you five years ago and if he your husband y'all would have made some concessions in your career so that y'all could really lock down and be together but y'all neither one of y'all have done that so y'all love career more than love y'all put career more than your relationship y'all want money and status and a career not love cause you got to choose you got the tools and a lot of people don't understand and i could go into that and break that down but if you use common sense and you really break this thing down you people who are overworked will tell you that their relationships suffer people who got to do all of this that and third for their for they work they'll tell you their relationships suffer now sometimes in that person's mind it may not be suffering it's their partner that's suffering because that person is invigorated and i seen that with my wife i was getting to travel see the world living my dream and i came home one time and my wife was like you know i wanna i got dreams too i wanna live my dreams too you getting to live your dream and i had to give up my dream for our family so i had to realize like whoa this sweet for me this is a sweet deal for me but the deal ain't sweet for her because she made sacrifices so i had to look at what sacrifices do i need to make do i still could earn but i could meet her emotional needs and my kids emotional needs guess what when i sat down my income tripled when i stopped traveling and to focus on my family god tripled my income so see a lot of y'all got to go at 259 a lot of y'all jobs scared you job scared and you think well i can't get with this job allah you don't know god i gotta go god bless you we'll talk some

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 27,352

Rating: 4.9531169 out of 5

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Id: aqUjWPdwHZQ

Length: 36min 27sec (2187 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 24 2021