His new girlfriend doesn’t like me! | Talks with Tony

hey hey tony gasser here popping in for another episode of talks with tony now this one today i have not read it at all but it looks like a decent little length um their title i don't know what title i i have on the video that you're watching but here it says inconsistent father and we're not sure if i'll get through one or more of these uh my wife texts me but i'm about to finish that she in the room [Music] okay hey baby i'm shooting the video if you need me hey baby or one of the things on amazon uh scout stimulator i was just i had my head down and then hey the hell looking thin up there i'll say man i eat all the milk one of them stout scalp stimulators not you know i'm gonna be up here like um i'll be on here like george jefferson on y'all soon with all this right here and just that that's it yeah so y'all forgive me now y'all can see me with a hat on a lot more regular you know that's what a lot of speakers will has a lot of people with hats because as men don't know what it is but man we really start losing i have around late 20s early 30s sad hi tony thank you for all your talks books and motivational services you have definitely let me put this over here so i ain't breaking the mic [Applause] saucy motivational services you have definitely helped me over the years okay it's a bit lengthy but i'm trying to give you details detail's always good when y'all write in it kind of helped me it's more like a conversation than just like you know just real short and quick i'm currently dealing with a situation with my child's father who i who whom i feel has chosen his new relationship over his child we broke up due to immaturity lack of responsibility and him cheating he jumped in this relationship while he was still selling dreams to me however i pressed on and have tried to co-parent because we share a six-year-old son his only child he is currently cohabit cohabitating with this new girlfriend whom has no kids of her own in her home he has caused so much friction between she and i first having my child in her home without my knowledge he got caught up and we currently don't get along due to his lies it was so bad to the point i was threatened via text by her even before she threatened she was dismissive towards any communication in her words our son has nothing to do with her with me and my child to where i have decided she has no communication with me and my child to where i decided it's not in the best interest for our child to be in her home since then he has not done much for our son he barely calls but lies and says i'm keeping him away i've sent a certified letter trying to come up with a parenting plan and he's refused to come up with an argument due to his lack of financial support we are currently awaiting a child support hearing but due to [Music] and it's been delayed at this point i feel like if our son can't come to where he's living he won't do anything for our son except call randomly however i'm not willing to put my child in the midst of someone i have tried to be cordial with but has dismissed and threatened by but was dismissed and threatened by what is the best step for me to take i did file a report on the girlfriend's threat but didn't press charges just wanted something on file child has not been back to her home since this occurred back in january of this year he sees his child randomly through his mom which is the only home i trust him in since dad isn't cooperating i know that if he's ordered to pay child support he will then try visitation court but i'm thinking to request ordered supervision or visits elsewhere if that happens i just i decided to just let it be i've decided to just let it be if he calls my son if he calls my son will talk but that's about it i mean he and i can't even get on one accord for the sake of our son am i wrong for wanting open communication slash being at peace as adults with a woman that is going to be around my kid he's hard to deal with and now he's involved with someone who is also hard to deal with i've tried everything to work it out as adults but no luck god bless you now now listen we have co-parenting coaches on mymentor.life and so my you know insight on this is it's just my insight it's just my opinion and every situation is different and there's a lot of caveats and nuances that go on in here that cannot be put in an email just due to the length and how much it goes on it's a lot of history in here and this is only one side of the story and that's what we have to understand and when you're dealing with things like marriage when you're all writing about marriage and getting a divorce and should i leave that's a little too deep for an email when you're dealing with co-parenting some situations are a little too deep for email so you know it wouldn't be wise of me in a situation like this where it's not any clear and blatant you know things on his behalf he's immature and he cheats but you know you didn't say anything about selling drugs using drugs smoking weed you know physical and things that are real issues like you know for a child it's kind of like he's just immature lack of responsibility and him cheating and so when you're dealing with that it's it's you know it's like a grown boy like an immature man but not necessarily a terrible father and so when you go in there it's a little you know it's a little too vague to really speak on in that way now the the thing that does make sense and that is a issue is the fact that how this woman acting see i wouldn't and now this right here is now there's something now this is something and that's what i want every single woman who's watching this to really process and get in your heart and your spirit like do not get with a man who has children if you can't accept his children and so like this old stinking sorrow woman that he with she getting all nasty and rude about the child y'all son ain't got nothing to do with me it got everything to do with you woman because you got with a man with a child so if you don't want to deal with a child then you need to be with a man with no children instead of just trying to get you a man and that and that's what she ain't got no children in her house and so she want to be with him and pretend he don't have no child but he got a child and then his sorrows stinking grown behind sniffing her booty and ignoring his child because he want him a woman without children when it's very easy for him to find a woman with children so that they could have a blended situation and they both could understand that both of them have to deal with somebody else because both of them have children but he want to go get him a woman with no children and then he want to play and act like he ain't got no child and then when he sneak away to go see his mama swaying by his mama house that's when he see his son but to her she don't even know the difference the time that he see his son at his mama house he probably don't even tell her because what a grown boy try to do is make this woman feel like she the only person that exists in his universe so that he can lull her to sleep so he can rock her to sleep like a baby before he show his true colors on her and so she getting low to sleep thinking like oh i got me a man but he ain't got no responsibility he got a child but his baby mama crazy and she's so crazy and nasty spirited and that's why i had to cut out and threaten her because she dissing that so he could paint that picture to her that you crazy and unless you painting the picture that you crazy because yeah you know you necessarily gonna say that now and so that's why i say they're one side of the story so i don't know if you didn't put a little more sauce into this thing then you saying and and that's why she getting a little crunk with you or if you as innocent as you trying to sound in your email and she just a nasty spirited woman who got you know this little jezebel spirit and she wanna take her man all to herself even though he got responsibility because see a good woman that get with a man with kids she gonna understand i got to love that child just like that child is mine she gonna understand that a good woman or a good man that get into a situation with somebody with kid they're gonna understand if i'm taking this person into my life i got to accept their children and what she gonna try to do a good woman gonna try to mediate and talk to you typically it's the new woman that i hear the new woman trying to talk to the child's mother and the child mother don't want to have no parts of it because she's still got a soul tie she's still in into her man and mad that he up and left her and she don't have no parts of the new woman in your case it sounded like you saying you trying to be cordial with her trying to talk to her but she don't want to talk to you and so you know and you say he has caused so much friction between she and i so it sounds like you know he's still his immature irresponsible ways and you say he was selling dreams to you when he jumped into the new relationship with her so it does sound like to her with the way she acting you just not gonna act like that for no reason unless she's just absolutely nasty which she could be absolutely nasty because he absolutely nasty in the sense of now he he still nasty even though he not throwing hands and he you know fine up the blunt in front of your son and he ain't got your son in no trap house he's still nasty with the wave moving and it's still gonna do a lot of emotional damage is what he's not really processing and a lot of times men don't want to be in their child life and don't call their child regular don't try to see their child regularly because their failure the man is a deadbeat in their failure and that child reminds them that they'll deadbeat and at their failure their failure and so a lot of men disappear and be very inconsistent because every time they look at their child it reminds them of their failure it reminds them of their irresponsibility and and we don't like to see ourselves in the mirror we don't like to be confronted with the mirror to have to look ourselves in the face and say you sorry you are a failure because you're irresponsible and you're immature and you're a liar and you're a deceiver and you're a cheater every time he looks at his son that's what he's that's what is being said back to him even though your son not saying that and so that's just natural and so he knows that and and your ex can hear that when he talk to his son when he look at his son he hears his eyes saying you're dead be sorry father even though your son could be absolutely happy is how he beat up on himself and so what happens is because of that a lot of men will dive into another woman and try to forget that they ever had a life before that woman because they don't want to confront their issues because when you confront your issues now you got to work through them issues you got to grow you got to learn you got to heal you got to ask for forgiveness you got to forgive you got to change and because the truth requires change and so he doesn't want that and so you have to understand that and what you got to do is you know protect your child me personally for women nasty like that now it will take a special type of woman for your son to go over there and hurt you know to be putting too much salt in his food and thumping him in the ear when he's sleeping you know dropping marbles on his head and he waking up wondering why his head hurting you know it'll take a special type of woman to be doing stuff to him but i just oh what i was gonna say earlier the ladies is y'all gotta check the nastiness y'all have to check this nastiness because you know i was thinking last week i say why is it that women always hollering about they don't like being friends with women and i'm like now what is this about because how you don't like being friends a lot of women say that now nah some women got women friends my wife all her friends is is women of course because she's not gonna have no friend that no man look too good personality too good ain't that ain't now man for to be my wife insecure immature call it what you wanna call it it's called safeguard protection all right common sense wisdom oh my my wife ain't gonna have no male friend you hit me the most you could do is talk to my sons trainers and coaches and even that right death conversation can't be too long what's that like what huh what else you need oh she doing good everything good huh oh all right y'all let me know what you need okay yeah yeah give me a call yeah yeah you don't need to call up give me a call hey listen to me now but so a lot of women always talk about they don't want to be friends with women because women too catty women too petty and when i talk to a lot of different women when i'm talking to the women family members not typically family members and then sometimes clients i hear women be saying stuff that kind of be throwing me off and it kind of be like if i could just put it in just you know general terms it's kind of like what the woman what the women be saying is kind of saying like his kids could starve and die as far as i care it's kind of what it like what i be hearing it's kind of like i don't care how they gonna make it i don't care what they he need to be focused on this household and in so many words it's kind of like forget his kids to satan house with his kids and his ex he need to be here with our kids or my kids that i'm bringing into his life he need to be here paying these bills and i see a lot of men adhere to that you know i see i have uh oh y'all forget my thump my microphone y'all forgive now you know i see a lot of men adhere to that and so sometimes it ain't even because of just the man nasty and the man just want to do that a lot of times it's because that man need that woman as a band-aid as a therapist as a whole me down as a rebound when you look at a lot of these men who forget their kids to satan house with their kids and they witness new women and they ain't paying attention to their kids when you look at a lot of these situations now a lot of times that man need that woman for her apartment for her house for her car for her credit score for her stability for her job paying the bills or helping pay the bills it's like he need her for something for her job recommendation or she got him a job you know she fixing his credit she got him credit cards and stuff like that like she need him for something and when that is the case then he like whatever she need him to do whatever role he got to play so he got act like he ain't got no other family like he had no kids he'll treat her like she the best thing since sliced bread because he trying to feed himself and i see this happening i see this happening with these individuals and i'm watching it and to where it's is women who if that man is going to see his children she got to be in the car with him if that man is going to be talking to the mother of his child he got to be on speakerphone he got to have her on speakerphone and this new woman she she want him but don't really want him meaning don't want everything that come with him don't want to trust him to go and visit his children at at his ex-house in which you know probably rightfully so but that comes with the territory when you get with somebody with children now you say well you got to go to the house but what if the woman ain't got no car and what if the woman don't trust him having a child alone and because of what he his past you know this this your man that you're dealing with if your man is then got license suspended or smoke or curse too much too immature but the woman ain't trying to be completely nasty and she want to allow him to see his child but he has his track record is very immature then she may not want to do nothing with him but want to have supervised visitation so if the new woman is like uh um you ain't gonna go over that woman house and be in there land pipe doing construction on her ah y'all might still have something going so listen if you got to go over there to see your child and you just ain't gonna be able to uh i don't agree with that that is not going to agree so that's what you want to do you have to find somewhere else to do it because you're not going to be living up in here and touching all this right here and eating up all my groceries and guess what that man he goes into survival mode and he like listen i need this place to stay i need to have for this rent being paid i need to heal grocery i need to help one with a good job because he be done ran his child's mother off cheating on her immature lack of responsibility like this gentleman so then he gets this other woman this other woman helping him out financially so he go to kissing her behind or she may be a band-aid in the sense of he has this tie to his ex and he don't understand it why he getting headaches why he getting stomach aches why he can't sleep too good so this other woman becomes his band-aid his therapist his coach you know his his drug and he will kiss her behind and try to make her feel like she the only person in the world so he gonna you know just bombard her with love quote unquote love and ain't real love bum but to just law her to sleep and then give his ex his butt to kiss and then when he get her where he want her then now sometimes he want to go on back and be a father because now he don't whip her in the shape and so now even though she's still huffing and puffing and she threatened not she hooked now she hooked she tied in she don't have a strength to leave and then all of a sudden now he want to come back but not a child you know two three years older and the the damage has been done the childhood got used to living without the father and now the father wants to just show up out of nowhere and then want to holla about you keeping me from my child but not understanding what he just did by not being consistent for x amount of years so you see this thing get complex and it's kind of like somebody has to give but it's like who really can give who really is gonna you know compromise so the man got to grow up and be mature and say listen if you can't be confident and trust me to go visit my child because of your insecurity and because of what your ex did to you then me and you can't be together that's what the man have to do and then if the man don't do that then the woman he with it didn't it would be her who says okay you could go visit your child you know but can you see if maybe instead of you being in her house because what if when she get a new boyfriend when she get married you can't just be sitting on her couch in the house so what about can she meet you at the park and y'all meet at the park and you play with your child put your son for an hour y'all shoot basketball and catch the football and then boom you know you're done then you could go on to the house can you do that and so yes that seems like it could be done right unless a child alerted to outside alert to the al alert to the grass you know mosquito bite or take their life you know something like that is the case then it's like okay no the child need to be in the house so then you say well do you go over to him and his new girlfriend house so now who gonna be okay with that you see what i mean and now the next thing would be the ideal situation would be the man being mature to ask can he see his child the man helping financially being mature asking can he see his child and then meeting somewhere the way he could see his child at a mutual location and it would be good if his new girlfriend could be mature enough to let him have that time with his child instead of her tagging along like batman and robin like robin the way like she got to oversee what he doing with his child and if the mom can drop the child at the bounce house go to the bounce house go to the the game room you know and he got to be outside in the cold orders hot or the mosquitoes it could be inside somewhere chuck e t dave and buster you see what i mean altitude i fly whatever it may be could meet somewhere inside and they could play whatever that child is into and then boom the mom dropped the child off the dad there and mature mama sitting outside in the car got the window down if you ain't got enough gas to idle your car or your car too old you can't idle it you sitting out there with the windows down or if you live close enough you can shoot back to the house and be doing laundry you know tighten up your house doing what you got to do then boom i'll be back in an hour and then boo you go back you pick up your child won't you get your child you going back home the man going back to his girlfriend now that's one co-parenting strategy but how often can we be that mature how often is the man that consistent and that mature himself that would be ideal the other thing would be the mom saying okay you could go like like the young lady said that unless my son can go visit his daddy where his dad is staying at then daddy don't really want to have nothing to do with them don't really want to call them but then with with the woman with the new girlfriend send you know threatening and going off then it was so bad to the point that i was threatened via text by her and i'm curious what that threat said nah did she say she finna put hands on you like what was that what was that threat nine even before the threat she was dismissive towards any communication with me and my child to where i have decided it's not in the best interest for our child to be in her home and i feel you nah see i can lie my goodness if this i mean you know it's one side of the story but like that why that woman acting like that probably because of him and what he then told her because he you got to look at it men have power men a man dating a woman could get a woman together when you look at a lot of times a woman is doing what the man want her to do and what because that's just how so many women just let a man come in and do what he want to do so if this man come in with confidence and a surety and he like listen you know that's my son we really close i'm in his life you know me and her we got nothing to do with each other we're not on that level and can you accept that or not because it's a lot of women that's insecure that's immature i got a child and that's what it's going to be now so don't come in here thinking that you finna shut this down and i'm not going to be seeing my child and me and you going to be at disney world every saturday while my child's sitting over there with no daddy now so what it's going to be and that's how some men talk to women because i have coached several women that say i'm dating this man and we can't never do nothing on saturday because he with his son and he coach his son au basketball team or he coaches some football team or he coach his son this and every single saturday he got to be with his son and that's what i'm talking about because then i'm talking to the woman so like man well what do you want this is a child you grown y'all can have sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday can a man have saturday with his child you with a man with children yeah i know i understand that but what i'm saying is do it have to be every saturday can it be every other saturday it's like every night i want a saturday man this man got kids okay if you don't want a man with kids then you need to get a man with no kids but we already ain't got enough fathers as it is and you want this man to be more of a deadbeat he already not in the home six other days seven other days of the week so on the weekend he get to see his child and now you got a problem with that when you can see him as a grown-up the other five days out of the week six days out of the week five days out a week four days out a week like if he get his children every weekend okay can we be happy about that because he brought these children into the world they didn't ask to be here can we be happy about that and so what i've been noticing a lot of times too it's like the new woman putting her foot down against the children and now she's fighting against the children and don't want him to have no relationship with the other children and i'm like wow what is this why is we taking this out why has grown-ups taking this eye on the children who did not ask to be here so now who's suffering so now this is the thing you got to have deductive reasoning now um so now as an adult you got to you you got to look at this thing and you got to say okay all right give my child okay my child six years old of age my son just turned seven so at six fully aware fully cognizant love his daddy love his daddy talk to me play with me joke with me hey buddy going to bed love you good night [Music] that's my seven-year-old and he's saying good night and i could see him in the window fully cognizant and love his daddy and i i can't imagine as a man my son being six years old and i can't and i'm not going to see my son like this he'll sorry no good trash bucket i can't stand me like that like oh what for a new piece of booty i'm gonna go see my child okay if you got a problem with that bye hasta luego oscar la vista baby i'm finna go see my child my child ain't asked to come into the world i brought that child into the world yeah me and the mama ain't work out but me and my child finna work out you got a problem with that okay bye i'll stay single he's sorry that's why i can't stand by these sorry men and then it's like okay you trying now you trying to get you some child support because he ain't helping financially okay all right so now you're gonna bring them people in now now you bring them people in there like you say now he's going to go to visitation court it's because he want to see a child because he just want to be nasty because he's like hey if i'm going to be paying attention i'm going to see my child and you have to let me see my and then what you say you're going to submit that he has supervised visitation now that's the thing the judge might not count especially depending on your race now you mess around and be a minority that judge don't care if your child is getting bumped in the head by his girlfriend don't kill nobody well uh ma'am dude does his girlfriend do you have proof of his girlfriend being that he loves illegal activity or using illegal drugs uh you don't okay well he is the father because how do i know that you don't have a man in your house i don't live with you i don't know if you have a man in your house that's worse than this than his new girlfriend so if do you do hold on hold hold on do you plan to move on okay if you plan to move on and get a new man what if you bring this man you're on i'm not do you want to be held in contempt of court do not cut me off i'm talking to you do you want to move on uh yes your honor okay so how do we know that this new man is not going to be bullying your son now let me ask you in your history is it more likely for a man to bully a little boy or for a woman to bully a little boy okay all right because the in my courthouse is typically the man in here being able to the son he has a new girlfriend okay obviously he chose you so if he chose you and now he chose her that means she on the same level as you so if you is a good woman then why is she not a good woman oh you don't think i could go there just because i'm a judge you see what i'm saying so a lot of times the judge don't be caring them judges don't be caring they don't be carrying them about so if so when you go to when you bring them people in there with that child support and he going to that visitation court that job might say all right 50 50 50 50 you can't prove drug usage you can't prove illegal activity 50 50. he get the child the whole summer three months out of summer you get a child through school year and y'all alternate and y'all alternate holidays it's people that got that court order then it be 60 40 court order and then somebody might apply for more custody and then the judge look into the situation okay there's some drug users there's some felonies is there some you know some some uh record on here like is this a reason why you need 70 30 is there a reason why you need um supervised visitation because y'all equal y'all both parents that's his daddy you as mama so if you want supervised visitation for him then he is has the right to have supervised visitation for you you see what i'm saying that's what the judge could say not judge might not say that but that's what you got to be prepared for so then you have to look at this and you have to say okay now just hear a woman that he with is this truly jezebel is this delilah you know like is she or me knowing my ex just you talking to yourself me knowing my ex did he run a mind game on her that got her mad with me for no reason and so she she giving me trash is he capable of the one who threatened me from the from the phone via text you say i was threatened via text you don't know if he sent the text message you i just was told today by a family member that when they text with this person that they trying to get caught up in a case that text messages are inadmissible in court meaning they can't be brought into court because the person could say anybody had a phone somebody else sent that text so she could say uh i didn't send that text and you don't know if she sent the text because also she his girlfriend so she can't threaten you without his approval without him okay in it because you could talk to him you could tell him she threatened me so what did he say when you say she threatened me he probably already know cause it could have been him threatening you on her behalf and now she over there getting a bad rap and he could have told her do not talk to her she did she that she did she that so he could have painted this whole picture now but now you have to ask yourself as a woman do you want to believe that she the villain do you want to believe that she the villain and and not thinking about who he could be in this situation and what he could be orchestrating in this situation because he the one did you wrong he want cheated on you he the one left you or he or you had to leave him not her you only know her from a can of paint you don't know her from the woman on the moon so really you and that was through text message now and you said she was dismissal towards you know in the communi she was dismissive towards communication with me and my child to where i decided it's not in the best interest for our child to be in her home now what is dismissal you said i mean like just not really responding on the on the text message not answering her phone didn't have anything to do with him you said i mean that's what you got to get the bottom to the bottom of so now then you have to look at this thing and say okay do i truly believe that my six-year-old son who can talk now if he was inaudible and you know like special needs and could not express himself and where you can't talk to him and have a rapport and a relationship with him to say listen if your dad or his woman friend lady friend whatever you want to call her does anything to you you tell me because i'm going to protect you and i don't care if they say you're going to get in trouble you're not going to get in trouble i don't care if they say that they're going to do something to me or they're going to take me from you you know the the stuff that people say that abusers say to a child so you circumvent that by you teaching your child how to communicate and letting them know no matter what what it said this said this said this said now this still ain't 100 foolproof but you're doing this because that way the child is so impressionable by the people that he or she loves that the child is more likely to listen to you when prepared so now you you send your six-year-old over there it'd be different if you had a two-year-old one-year-old because see you got a one-year-old two-year-old she could be in a thumping the mess on them and that one-year-old two-year-old can't come home tell you nothing you know a two-year-old probably can't well not two-year-old girl can two-year-old boy a lot of times they'll be bumping their gums a three-year-old girl would do a dissertation for a doctorate but not a three-year-old boy [Music] what did you say then you talked to a three-year-old girl hi my name is alexis how are you are you tayden's dad wait uh yeah i'm tayden's dad are you tayden's friend um well um on wednesdays and fridays he likes to play with such a size and i don't always want to play with i'd be like man how do you little girl so articulate and these boys just me i'm like why all these boys in here growling and all these girls giving dissertation so you see i'm saying so now it is different having a boy but even some girls when stuff is going wrong they don't say anything because of what they've been told so i have heard several times of young girls coming out later 5 10 15 20 30 years later and saying i never said anything because i was afraid of what he said he was going to do to my mom or what he said he would do to me if i told anyone and then when they get to the age to understand that that was a tactic that an abuser uses and that they can express themselves and they're going to be safe then that's when they tell and so you have to really look at this thing because see sometimes you got to look at it and you listen to your intuition so when you really look at it you really honest with yourself you may say as a woman i can read a woman and really she's not she's not a threat she ain't gonna hurt my son she's not gonna be thumping my son she's not gonna whoop my son she's not gonna not feed my son because you know she is trying to look like she mother material to him because she probably want her own family so if i'm being honest with myself she ain't talking to me and because of him and that threat that she sent on the text i don't know if he put her up to that or if that was him actually texting on her behalf i can't prove one way or the other because it didn't come out her mouth and we weren't talking on the phone so now you really looking at this thing now you get to see like okay am i hurting my six-year-old son who needs a father by choosing to believe that this woman is a danger to my son or is she true or do i truly feel she is a danger to my son now this is what i have learned and you're gonna see this probably in the comments a lot of women have no sympathy for other women and a lot of women do not give the benefit of the doubt to other women and for some reason a lot of women feel like they know women and do not trust women that is scary to me as a man that so many women can't trust each other and don't see the good in each other and don't believe in each other and don't give the benefit of the doubt to each other uh uh you can't trust women being women just as bad as the men they're women worse than a man she could be here now plucking my son toenail in his sleep ripping her toenail off she could be doing this and doing that to my son and rightfully so that probably could be the case that probably could be the case i ain't all right what i'm saying is you have to get to the root and be real with yourself so if your intuition is sounding alarms then listen to your intuition but in your realness with yourself in your evaluation with yourself if you say you know what i'll be honest lord cause i'm talking to you lord i'll be honest i'm being a little extra because i'm being a little extra cuz i'm a little salty i'm admit i'm a little mad i'm a little mad with a saurus thinking behind i'm gonna go jump in another relationship when he's selling me dream now you go ahead and if you get real with yourself now and you see that you put a little sauce on it then it's like okay all right all right you know for the sake of my son seeing his dad and being around his dad having a father having a male influence that's not that's especially if it's not cursing happening smoking happening drinking happening and all kind of craziness happening now if this craziness happening too in front of your child and your intuition giving you red flags about this here situation with um your baby daddy new girlfriend then it's like okay yeah go on protect your child keep all your receipts if he want to take you to court let him take you to court show all your receipts show all your proof of why your child needs protection and then let the judge decide whether he or she gonna be a good or bad person and use common sense to protect your child with you and then if the judge say no i'm doing 50 50. i don't care because a lot of you women i already know how you are we need falls in the home and y'all is scamming the system all you want is child support and you know what i'm going to put them on child support 50 dollars a month because i haven't seen your type in here you coming in here you got an attitude fifty dollars a month because i don't like your attitude because i could tell that you mad because you got a new woman and you jealous and you trying to stick it to them now some judges are going to hit you with that now some judges depending on their family and what they didn't see they may see it the other way and say sir you are a horrible excuse for a father you are an absolute horrible father and you ought to be ashamed of yourself i'm putting you on the max amount of child support that is allowed by the state and you're going to pay it and if you don't pay i'm coming for your license i'm going to send wages and i'm i will have you arrested and thrown in jail if you don't pay it try me and see son you're gonna be back in here you hear me and some judge might take that that route and go ahead and get with the man it it a judge is a human but when you protecting your child nah you let it go on go down you let it go and go to court if that's if y'all can't be mature enough and y'all can't sort through this and y'all can't handle it i you going to the court you going to the court and you let you let it do what it's going to do and now listen me personally no i can't give you no advice me personally if i got so if i got custody of my child and i don't feel my child gonna be saved with the other person i don't care what a judge talking about i'm gonna protect my child put the put me in jail okay i'm in contempt the court let them go and file a suit it's too much going on down there for them to come and chase you when you in a contemplative court because i talk to men all the time who they baby mama is in contempt the court and ain't nothing happening to their baby mama ain't not she not letting him see that children because she mad because he got a new girlfriend or a new wife and that's her soul and only reason and she is breaking the agreement that the court gave him and guess what the man is like man i ain't got the money to keep going to court i ain't got the money to be paying any lawyers i ain't got the time to be taken off from work to keep going down at the court so it's like man that what you want to do i'm just gonna let it be so so regardless of what the judge say if you protecting your child and your heart of hearts and you feel like your child gonna be in danger being over there with that other parent male or female then you protect your child you protect your child you're gonna have to see me you're gonna see me take me in the car take me to court all right and i'm finna state my case again uh while i'm protecting my child and why i'ma keep protecting my child and enjoy your honor if you can't be a human with a heart i'm gonna file some on your butt your honor i'm gonna go above your head i'm going to supreme court on you sorry nasty stinking honor hit me i'm going off i'm going off at the end of the day protect the child but at the same time now while you're protecting your child make sure you're doing what's best for your child don't let your feelings get in the way don't keep a child from their other parent just because y'all broke up and you don't like the other parent or you don't like that they moved on with a relationship if deep down in your heart you don't feel like your child is going to be in harm's way being with that parent now here's the thing you say you only trust when the child is at his grandma house and then his father come over to his to the grandma house to see him you trust her household so if that's the case then you know stick with that and hopefully you can get a message through to him as an adult and say listen your son really needs you he misses you he wants to see you so if you could at least just find whatever day in the week you tell me today and i'll get them over to your mama house that y'all can play catch y'all go play catch and y'all can spend some time together spend an hour if all you got is a hour that's cool if all you got is 30 minutes just let me know but i just want my son to have his father because he's a young man and this world is crazy i know you got you a new bull and all of that and i don't want to come between that and to be honest with you as long as y'all at your mama house i don't care if she come over there with you i would drop him off i go on grocery shopping do do what i got to do and i'll come back at the appointed time and she could be in there with you but i just only feel comfortable with it being at your mama house because of what happened what went down between me and her and you know and i'm just now see now you're going to stop right there now because now because he died me now if i'm talking [Music] because if she missed trying to do something to my child you're going to be without girlfriend okay because she finna be x not now see me that's me talking not but see you you need to be mature because you more mature than me so we ain't gonna put no threats on her life okay we just gonna but we're just in a roundabout way he gonna know okay uh yeah okay so i need to be at my mama house okay she come over there though huh she come over there oh okay yeah oh yeah longer no yeah yeah yeah he gonna be straight and ain't nothing to have my son and my son come on what i look like a bad dad oh what i mean not all the time ain't no bad damn you say i'm saying so just as long as he get that drift like this won't come and now if he don't want to do that then that's when you start praying for the wisdom and the words to give your son when your son asks you about his dad and sometimes with that i just say you know in a roundabout way you know you telling the truth but it's like sometimes until a certain age until the child can process more you just letting the child know like you know your dad is just extremely extremely extremely busy until the pros until the child can process what immaturity is what deadbeat dad is what a grown boy is that might not come to like 13 um unless your child just you know super advanced and can understand it without harboring hate and it disrupting the child in school where sometimes you have to kind of paint this picture that the dad is super busy or dad is you know sick or struggling because you might be mentally sick in real life might be mentally sick so a child is empathetic so when this child hears that their father is you know sick and and and not doing that good and you know working really hard and trying their best to get better the child may be empathetic to their father versus hating their father or their mother and going through life and loving on you more and leaning on you more but empathetic toward that other parent until they at an age of understanding because you don't see this thing as adults we can't put adult problems on children's shoulders so sometimes we have to although it's not fair to you to have to do everything and to be stressing and you making ends meet and your child get mad with you when you can't get them these new shoes or this new game and the other parent ain't doing nothing and yet you still protecting they name and you want to throw their name in the mud and and run it through the mud like it like it deserved to be but that's gonna put emotions and feelings on your child that your child don't know how to process because you as an adult barely could process your anger toward this other parent so imagine a child trying to process that level of anger so as a parent to protect your child's heart and mind you kind of have to lie for the other parent you ain't really lying but when you say you know you know he's not feeling good he's really sick you know she's really sick you know really busy working really hard you know you got to understand some people's parents have to go to war and they're going for a whole year and in another country and the child can't talk to them some people parents play sports and they're traveling and they play in sport the whole eight months out of the year you know so it's a lot of children that some of their parents have to go away or do this or do that and you put it in your child's language depending on the level that your child is at and it's and i'm sharing this but this is not something that you do with your child if this is not going to work for your child this this not taylor fit y'all have to understand when i'm giving advice you know it's general speaking and then you have to take and break it down and tweak it for you and your household or you need to speak to a professional outside voice about your specific situation even in this right here in these emails that i'm answering i'm not really addressing the email per se because it's only one side of the story and it's limited details so i'm still generally speaking so understand that this is not a prescription for everybody who's in a co-parenting situation to go and do exactly this because one detail could change everything you know one more piece of information could totally change everything so it's important that when you're making big decisions in life that you speak to a professional outside of you know outside of yourself outside of your friends and family and speak to them specifically about your situation with full details and then y'all devise a plan that makes sense for your situation because this co-parenting and marriage and divorce all of this stuff is very delicate this very delicate stuff that you just can't you can't just you know brush it with this broad stroke it's not one size fits all everybody's situation could be a little different so what the mistake that people make is listening to somebody online who is talking in generalities and then making a specific decision in their life based off of a generality so you have to get a coach and really talk through your situation before you go making all these decisions and any decision you make don't put it on somebody online on instagram or youtube or twitter that's your decision you making the decision so don't say i'm doing this because such and such said this on youtube that is ill-advised that's unwise don't do that because you need specifics and you need to really look at it from several different angles that's why i said you know look at it from that new girlfriend angle she could be sitting over there like a deer in headlights and he texting threats to this woman from her phone and she just putting up with it because this her new man and she tired of being lonely and she won her man and he made her think that the mother of a child is absolutely crazy and she won't know how to deal with her so let him deal with her through her phone men do that all the time so i say look at it from her lens look at it from the child lens look at it from the man lens look at it from the mothers the mother of the child lends you got to look at it different look at it through the judge lens look at it through the grandma lens look at it through the friends the outside the bystanders how they looking at it you have to evaluate it from every angle and then come up with your plan of action and then jot that down and then take action but it cannot be you can't take specific action off generalities from online so understand that and that's and i know a lot of times people online want to be an expert and want to be a guru you never in none of my titles in none of my own that i write on my on my bio on my website on any of my sites you will never see relationship expert i don't call myself an expert i don't call myself a guru you will see people who writing about me say such and such expert that's day words that you never hear me say expert in guru you'll never hear me say do exactly what i say based on this here situation i'm gonna give you my feedback and say listen you take and evaluate this situation and you make the decision that's best for you now if you if you hear me say do exactly what i say then that's when you know it's a very very clear-cut direct every detail put out there other than that i'm just sharing my thoughts on the situation that's from outside of looking in it's almost like having a session without having to pay for a coaching session but this is not complete because i don't have all the details i ain't heard different sides i ain't heard it at all so this just speaking if this were the truth is what i would be saying and and this one thing i know is that as human nature sometimes we don't want to see our ex move on we don't want our child to be calling somebody else mama or daddy we don't want our child to be getting love and affection or any kind of treatment from somebody else that is our ex or you know new person so that plays into it sometimes the new person don't want to have nothing to do with the child and can be a danger that plays into it sometimes one of the parents feels stuck in the middle they they need they want to be there for their child and they want to be there for their new partner and they don't want to make the new partner jealous and they not mature enough to to express themselves to either party and so they just end up sitting and doing nothing and making the situation worse because of their lack of knowledge and their or their immaturity and so all that is a factor and all of that play into it and that's why we have to be open-minded and we got to look at it and got evaluated from every angle without being judgmental without jumping to conclusions and without doing too much assuming what they say assuming assuming make a [Music] booty out of you and me when we assume we got to get the facts hey this is tony god bless you we'll talk soon to the blessed tribe i put um note on the page getting ready to do a little mastermind with a group of 50 or less so y'all check that out if you in the blessed tribe it'll be released later to the general uh public if there's any space left it's tony gaskin god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 14,454

Rating: 4.9484425 out of 5

Keywords: coparenting

Id: zgF1VltTTro

Length: 59min 38sec (3578 seconds)

Published: Mon May 17 2021