George Carlin - advertising and bull shit

i call this piece advertising quality values style service selection convenience economy savings performance experience hospitality low rates friendly service name brands easy terms affordable prices money back guarantee free installation free admission free appraisal free alterations free delivery free estimates free home trial and free parking no cash no problem no kidding no fuss no must no risk no obligation no red tape no hidden charges no down payment no entry fee no purchase necessary no one will call on you no payments are interesting december and no parking limited time only though so act now order today sent no money offer good while supplies last two to a customer each item sold separately batteries not included mileage may vary all sales or final allow six weeks for delivery some items not available some assembly required some restrictions may apply shop by mail order by phone try it in your home get one for your car all entries become our property employees not eligible entry fees not refundable local restrictions apply void where prohibited except in indiana so come on in come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly professional staff our courteous and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget and say don't forget to pick up your free gift a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high quality premium select gourmet pocket flashlight and if you act now we'll include an extra added free complimentary bonus gift a classic deluxe custom designer luxury prestige high quality premium select gourmet leather style wallet with detachable keychain and a pencil holder it's our way of saying thank you and if you're not completely satisfied you pay nothing simply return the unused portion for a full refund no questions asked it's our way of saying thank you keep your free gift actually it's our way of saying bend over just a little further and let us stick this big dick into your ass a little bit deeper well you know whenever you're exposed to advertising in this country you realize all over again that america's leading industry is still the manufacturer distribution packaging and marketing of [ __ ] high quality world-class designer [ __ ] to be sure hospital tested clinically proven [ __ ] but [ __ ] nonetheless and it always amuses me that so many people seem to think that [ __ ] only comes from certain sources you know advertising politicians salesmen not true [ __ ] is everywhere [ __ ] is rampant parents are full of [ __ ] teachers are full of [ __ ] clergymen are full of [ __ ] law enforcement people are full of [ __ ] the entire country is completely full of [ __ ] in fact this country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal that is what's known as being stunningly stunningly full of [ __ ] and you know i think and i think people show their ignorance when they say they want politicians to be honest what are these people talking about if honesty was suddenly introduced into politics it would throw everything off the whole system would collapse and i think deep down the american people know that the american people like their [ __ ] out front where they can get a good strong whiff of it that's why they re-elected clinton listen clinton might be full of [ __ ] but he lets you know it dole tried to hide it i'm an honest man [ __ ] [ __ ] people don't believe that [ __ ] clinton said hi i'm full of [ __ ] and how do you like that and the people said at least he's honest at least he's honest about being full of [ __ ] it's like the business world all businessmen are completely full of [ __ ] just the worst kind of people you could ever want to run into businessmen and the proof of it is they don't even trust each other they don't trust each other when a businessman is negotiating a deal the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who's trying to [ __ ] him on the deal so he has to do everything he can to [ __ ] the other guy a little bit harder and a little bit faster and then when it comes to dealing with customers that's when you get the big smile that's when you get the big smile businessman always has that big smile on his face as he carefully positions himself directly behind the customer and unzips his pants and services the account we specialize in customer service you heard that now you know what it means whoever coined the phrase let the buyer beware was probably bleeding from the [ __ ] then you have advertising advertising is the businessman's cheaply dressed two dollar blow job advertising sells you things you don't need and can't afford that are overpriced and don't work and they do it by exploiting your fears and insecurities and if you don't have any they'll be glad to give you a few by showing you a nice picture of a woman with big tits that's the essence of advertising big tits threateningly big tits and speaking of big tits what about show business show business completely dishonest corrupt and full of [ __ ] but in a nice way plenty of expensive drugs and perverted sex if you're going to be full of [ __ ] might as well enjoy your work then you have the media not just the news media let's include them all the media are almost literally exploding with [ __ ] because they're located right at the crossroads of all the other [ __ ] the media are made up of equal parts advertising politics business public relations and show business these people are sitting right at [ __ ] junction there's enough [ __ ] in the media for texas to open a branch office and you still have enough left over to start two law firms in a christian bookstore because because folks i gotta tell you when it comes to [ __ ] truly major league [ __ ] you have to stand back in awe in awe of the all-time heavyweight champion of false promises and exaggerated claims religion organized religion it's no contest religion easily easily has the best [ __ ] story of all time think about it religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do every minute of every day and the invisible man has a list of 10 specific things he doesn't want you to do and if you do any of these things he will send you to a special place of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time but he loves you he loves you he loves you and he needs money he always needs money he's all powerful all present all-knowing and all wise just can't handle money religion takes in billions and billions of dollars they pay no taxes and somehow they always need money you talk about a good [ __ ] story if i may be permitted a small pun holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ]

Channel: killtheweak

Views: 5,878,482

Rating: 4.8959627 out of 5

Keywords: George, Carlin, advertising, religion, government

Id: AtK_YsVInw8

Length: 9min 44sec (584 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2009

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Wish he were still around.

[u/__loki]

Love george, too bad he's gone. Miss him

[u/wafflehat]

Nobody does comedy like George did comedy.

[u/larsvondank]

Long live the legacy of the great legendary comedian, Mr. George Carlin. May his work never be forgotten.

[u/MannekenP]

Besides the brilliance of his comedy, I can tell you that as a foreigner with english as my 3rd language, the first thing that striked me when I first heard George Carlin was how clear that man talked and how understandable he was.

[u/[deleted]]

Watched it twice!

[u/[deleted]]

Comedic Genius

[u/smoggerLA]

Louis CK always said Carlin was his hero. You can see why. They both cut through the bullshit so amazingly well.

[u/[deleted]]

RIP. Guys like Carlin should not be allowed to die.