George Carlin - Germs, Immune System

it's just one more way of reducing your liberty and reminding you that they can [ __ ] with you anytime they want as long as you put up with it as long as you put up with it which means of course anytime they want because that's what Americans do now they're always willing to trade away a little of their freedom in exchange for the feeling the illusion of security what we have now is a completely neurotic population obsessed with security and safety and crime and drugs and cleanliness and hygiene and germs there's another thing germs where the sudden fear of germs come from in this country have you noticed this the media constantly running stories about all the latest infections Salmonella e.coli hantavirus bird flu and and Americans are they panic easily so now everybody's running around scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food and repeatedly washing their hands trying to avoid all contact with germs it's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths in prisons before they give you a lethal injection they swab your arm with alcohol that's true it's cool well they don't want you to get an infection and you can see their point wouldn't want some guy to go to hell and be sick would take a lot of the sportsmanship out of the whole execution fear of germs why these [ __ ] [ __ ] the candida get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the [ __ ] out of everything now because everybody's afraid of food poisoning hey where's your sense of adventure take a [ __ ] chance will you you know how many people die in this country from food poisoning every year 9,000 that's all it's a minor risk take a [ __ ] chance bunch of goddamn [ __ ] besides what do you think you have an immune system for it's for killing germs but it needs practice it needs germs to practice on so so less so listen if you kill all the germs around you they live a completely sterile life than when germs do come along you're not going to be prepared and never mind ordinary germs what are you going to do when some super virus comes along that turns your vital organs and the liquid [ __ ] I'll tell you what you're going to do you're going to get sick you're going to die and you're going to deserve it because you're [ __ ] weak and you got a [ __ ] weak immune system hi let me tell you a true story about immunization okay when I was a little boy in New York City in the 1940s we swam in the Hudson River and it was filled with raw sewage okay we swam in raw sewage you know to cool off and at that time the big fear was polio thousands of kids died from polio every year but you know something in my neighborhood no one ever got polio no one ever you know why because we swam in raw sewage it strengthened our new systems the polio never had a prayer we were tempered and raw [ __ ] so so personally I never take any special precautions against germs I don't shy away from people who sneeze and cough I don't wipe off the telephone I don't cover the toilet seat and if I drop food on the floor I'd pick it up and eat it even if I'm at a sidewalk cafe in Calcutta the poor section on New Year's morning during a soccer riot and you know something in spite of all that so-called risky behavior I never get infections I don't get them I don't get colds I don't get flu I don't get headaches I don't get upset stomach and you know why because I got a good strong immune system and it gets a lot of practice my immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully automatic military assault rifles with night vision and laser scopes and we have recently acquired phosphorus grenades cluster bombs and anti-personnel fragmentation mines so when my white blood cells are on patrol reconnoitering my blood stream seeking out strangers and other undesirables if they see any any suspicious-looking germs of any kind they don't [ __ ] around they whip out the waxen weapons they wax the [ __ ] and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon into my colon there's no nonsense there's no Miranda warning there's none of that three strikes in your out [ __ ] first offense BAM into the colon y'all oh then speaking of my colon I want you to know I don't automatically wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom okay can you deal with that sometimes I do sometimes I don't you know when I wash my hands when I [ __ ] on them that's the only time that's good and you know how often that happens tops tops two three times a week tops that maybe a little more frequently over the holidays you know to me and I'll tell you something else my well-scrubbed friends you know always need a shower every day did you know that it's overkill unless you work out for work outdoors or for some reason come in intimate contact with huge amounts of filth and garbage every day you don't always need a shower all you really need to do is to wash the four key areas armpits [ __ ] crotch and tea got that armpits [ __ ] watching tea in fact you can save yourself a whole lot of time if you simply use the same brush on all forever I appreciate it thank you

Channel: Geen Naam

Views: 5,609,607

Rating: 4.922739 out of 5

Keywords: george carlin, carlin, immune, system, germs, white bloodcells, hudson, river, george, 1999, you, are, all, diseased, Immune System, George Carlin, Health, hbo

Id: X29lF43mUlo

Length: 6min 27sec (387 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 17 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/captainplanet171]

It would have been epic.

[u/Diegobyte]

I wonder if he’s say just wear the fucking mask. Or that he grew up swimming in sewage so he’s fine