George Carlin on pro-life

thank you why why why why why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to [ __ ] in the first place boy these conservatives are really something aren't they they're all in favor of the unborn they will do anything for the unborn but once you're born you're on your own pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months after that they don't want to know about you they don't want to hear from you no nothing no neonatal care no daycare no head start in the school lunch no food stamps no welfare no nothing if you're preborn you're fine if you're preschool you're [ __ ] conservatives don't give a [ __ ] about you until you reach military age then they think you are just fine just what they've been looking for conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers pro-life pro-life these people aren't pro-life they're killing doctors what kind of pro-life is that what they'll do anything they can to save a fetus but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it they're not pro-life you know what they are they're anti woman simple as it gets anti-roman they don't like women they believe a woman's primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state pro-life you don't see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus is doing it now you don't see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies do here now that might be something Christ would do and you won't see you won't see a lot of these pro-life people dousing themselves in kerosene and lighting themselves on fire you know morally committed religious people in South Vietnam knew how to stage a goddamn demonstration they knew how to put on a [ __ ] protest light yourself on fire come on you moral Crusaders let's see a little smoke to match that fire in your belly here's another question I have how come when it's us it's an abortion and when it's a chicken it's an omelet how are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden when did this happen that we passed chickens and goodness named six ways we're better than chickens see nobody can do it you know why because chickens a decent people you don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs doing you don't see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery day when's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the [ __ ] out of his hand doesn't happen those chickens are decent people but let's get back to this abortion [ __ ] now is a fetus a human being this seems to be the central question well if a fetus is a human being how come the census doesn't count them if a fetus is a human being how come when there's a miscarriage they don't have a funeral if the fetus is a human being how come people say we have two children and one on the way instead of saying we have three children people say life begins at conception I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process continuous just keeps rolling along rolling listen you can go back further than that what about the carbon atoms human life could not exist without carbon so is it just possible that maybe we shouldn't be burning all this coal just looking for a little consistency here in these anti-abortion arguments see the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization fertilization when the sperm fertilizes the egg which is usually a few moments after the man who says gee honey I was going to pull out but the phone rang and it startled me but even after the egg is fertilized it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins and not every egg makes it that far 80% of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has they wind up on sanitary napkins and yet they are fertilized eggs so basically what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who's had more than one period as a serial-killer consistency consistency hey hey if they really want to get serious what about all the sperm that are wasted when the state executes a condemned man and one of these pro-life guys who's watching comes in his pants here's a guy standing over there his jockey shorts full of little Vinnie's and Debbie's and nobody's saying a word that a guy not every ejaculation deserves a name speaking of consistency Catholics which I was until I reached the age of reason Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuals well who has less abortions and homosexuals leave these [ __ ] people alone for Christ's sakes there is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and Christians are just tossing them aside you'd think they'd make natural allies go look for consistency in religion and speaking of my friends at Catholics when John Cardinal O'Connor of New York and some of these other Cardinals and bishops have experienced their first pregnancies and their first labor pains and they've raised a couple of children on a minimum wage then I'll be glad to hear what they have to say about abortion I'm sure it'll be interesting in the meantime what they ought to be doing is telling these priests who took a vow of chastity to keep their hands off the altar boys when Jesus said suffer the little children come unto me that's not what he was talking so you know what I tell these anti-abortion people as a hey if you think a fetus is more important than a woman try getting a fetus to wash the [ __ ] stains out of your underwear for no pay and no pension I tell them think of an abortion is term limits that's all it is biological term limits but you know the longer you listen to this abortion debate the more you hear this phrase sanctity of life you've heard that sanctity of life you believe in it personally I think it's a bunch of [ __ ] well I mean life is sacred who said so God hey if you read history you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death has been for thousands of years Hindus Muslims Jews Christians all taking turns killing each other cuz God told them it was a good idea the sword of God the blood of the Lamb vengeance is mine millions of dead [ __ ] [ __ ] all because they gave the wrong answer to the god question you believe in God no you believe in God yes you believe in my god no Plue dead my God has a bigger dick than your God

Channel: muchpelo

Views: 3,195,398

Rating: 4.6658483 out of 5

Keywords: Carlin

Id: fmMvsAjCkog

Length: 9min 2sec (542 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 12 2010

Reddit Comments

[u/Ambitious_Dust]

George Carlin was a witty, insightful, and funny man, but he will always be Rufus to me. ♥

[u/JackFisherBooks]

The more I watch George Carlin's old stand-up, the more I appreciate his insights and comedy. I miss him. This world needs his comedic insights now more than ever.

[u/richard_0]

ma sei italiano o cosa?

[u/_cappe_02]

Italian subs