George Carlin on some cultural issues.

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something else I don't understand motivation tapes motivation books what happened here suddenly everybody needs to be motivated it's a fairly simple thing you do you want to do something no you don't what's the big mystery besides if you're motivated enough to go to the store to buy a motivation book aren't you motivated enough to do that so you don't need the book put it back tell the court fuck you I'm motivated and can anyone explain to me the need for one hour photo finishing you just saw the fucking thing how how can you possibly be nostalgic about a concept like a little while ago another complaint to many vehicles there are some families in this country owned entirely too many vehicles you see them on the highway in an RV but that's not enough for the Marvy is not enough behind them they're towing a motor boat go-kart dune buggy dirtbike jetski snowmobile carousel hang glider windsurfing equipment a hot air balloon in a small two-man deep-sea diving bell doesn't anyone just take a fucking walk anymore the only thing these people lack is a lunar excursion module too many choices America it's not healthy another abomination white guys over ten years of age who wear their baseball hats backwards let me tell you something you're never gonna be as cool as black guys dude you're white and you're lame it's a fucking law of nature turning your hat around and learning a complicated handshake will not make you cool you black guys since you started the whole thing I'm going to let you stay what the hats a little bit longer but I think really once you qualify for Social Security it's time to spin that motherfucker around to the front another tip another tip for the man the earrings the thing with the earrings it's over it's been over for a long time doesn't mean anything anymore it was supposed to piss off the squares the squares are wearing them now doesn't mean it is just fucking jewelry unless you have an earring with a live baby hanging from it it's just jewelry and I want you to know I'm in favor of self-mutilation and personal disfigurement I've always said there's nothing like puncturing and perforating your skin and a dozen or so places in order to demonstrate your high self-esteem when I see a young man decorating his scalp with a soldering iron I say there's a happy guy thinks highly of himself and haven't we gone a little overboard with these colored ribbons for different causes every cause has its own colored ribbon now red for AIDS blue for child abuse pink for breast cancer green for the rainforest purple for urban violence I got a brown one you know what it means eat shit motherfucker and what can we do to silence these Christian Athletes who thanked Jesus whenever they win never mentioned his name when they lose not a word you never hear him say Jesus made me drop the ball the good Lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage one of these guys Jesus is undefeated meanwhile these assholes are in last place must be another one of those miracles the speaking of delusional people what about a guy who hears a voice in his head tells him to kill his entire family so he does it is this the only thing a voice in the head of it tells these people to do is to kill others doesn't a voice ever tell a guy go take a shit on the salad bar at Wendy's doesn't always tell the guy to take out his dick on the merry-go-round once in a while well some guys do take out their dicks on the merry-go-round but usually it's their own idea something else I can do without aftershave and Cologne and this disgusting shit that men put on their bodies just what I need in the elevator some guys standing next to me smells like a fucking pine tree I say Mohammed wash is smelly prick you smell like the urinal in a Portuguese cathouse goddamn guys are stupid guys are really fucking dumb they think they're gonna get laid with this stuff you know oh yeah they put it on a home oh boy oh boy I'll get laid then I don't get laid tonight you don't get laid with green shit that comes out of a bottle okay and the only smell that's gonna help you get laid might be your own natural scent you have pheromones it's a secondary sex characteristic people in America the whole nervous about sex I'm gonna cover that up and disguise it dies in Europe they know how to live guy gets in the elevator over there he smells like a pile of dog shit those people are sophisticated getting pretty tired these guys walking around in cowboy hats and cowboy boots you ever see these Jack offs can't we kill some of these motherfuckers walking around a fucking cowboy hat grown man it's not even Halloween for Christ's sakes as a Tech's grow up and get yourself a wardrobe consistent with a century you're living in quite a certain man feel the need to dress up as mythic figures you don't see anyone walking around a pirate costume do you when's the last guy you ran into had on a Viking outfit make-believe Cowboys closest they ever got to a cow so they stopped to take a piss and an Arby's and camcorders here is technology gone berserk everywhere you go now there's some dick some yo-yo some putz with a camcorder and he is going to tape everything doesn't anyone in this country just stop and look at things anymore sort of take them in maybe even remember them is that just a strange notion does that does experience have to be documented and brought home and saved on the show and do people really watch this shit our peoples live so bankrupt they sit at home looking at things they already did these guys are so intense you know it's always guys they won't let women touch the cameras it's a highly technical skill look through a hole push on a button big skill in there they all think they're federico fellini everything low angle zooms and pans and it's the same ugly three children and every goddamn shot all the George Lucas magic in Hollywood is not going to change the unfortunate genetic configuration on the faces of these children keep these unfortunate youngsters out of public view now a lot of these policy a lot of these cultural crimes have been complaining about can be blamed on the baby boomers something else I'm a little tired of hearing about the baby boomers whining narcissistic self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy giving it it's mine give me that it's mine these people were given everything everything was handed to them and they took it all took it all sex drugs and rock and roll and they stayed loaded for 20 years and had a free ride but now they're staring down the barrel of middle-aged burnout and they don't like it they don't like it so they turn self-righteous and they want to make things hard on younger people they tell them I've stain from sex say no to drugs as for the rock and roll they sold that for television commercials a long time ago so they could buy pasta machines and stairmasters and soybean you know something the cold bloodless people it's in their slogans it's in their rhetoric no pain no gain just do it life is short play hard shit happens deal with it get a life these people went from do your own thing to just say no they went from love is all you need to whoever winds up with the most toys wins and they went from cocaine to Rogaine and you know something they're still counting grams only now it's fat grades worse of it is the rest of us have to watch these commercials on TV for Levi's loose-fitting jeans and fat ass docker pants because these degenerate yuppie boomer cocksuckers couldn't keep their hands off the croissants and the haagen-dazs and your big fat asses have spread all over and they have to wear fat-ass docker pants fuck these boomers fuck these yuppies and fuck everybody now that I think of it sometimes in comedy you have to generalize now there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about politicians everybody complains about politicians everybody says they suck well where do people think these politicians come from they don't fall out of the sky they don't pass through a membrane from another reality they come from American parents and American families American homes American schools American churches American businesses and American universities and they're elected by American citizens this is the best we can do folks this is what we have to offer it's what our system produces garbage in garbage out if you have selfish ignorant citizens if you have selfish ignorant citizens you're going to get selfish ignorant leaders the term limits ain't going to be any good you're just going to wind up with a brand-new bunch of selfish ignorant Americans so maybe maybe maybe it's not the politicians who suck maybe something else sucks around here like the public yeah the public sucks there's a nice campaign slogan for somebody the public sucks fuck hope fuck hope because if it's really just a fault of these politicians then where are all the other bright people of conscience where are all the bright honest intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way we don't have people like that this country everybody's at the mall scratching his ass picking his nose taking his credit card out of his fanny pack and buying a pair of sneakers with likes in them so I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way on election day I stay home I don't vote fucking fucking I don't vote two reasons two reasons I don't vote first of all it's meaningless this country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago the shit they shuffle around every four years doesn't mean a fucking thing and secondly I don't vote because I believe if you vote you have no right to complain people like to twist that around I know they say they say well if you don't vote you have no right to complain where's the logic in that if you vote and you elect dishonest incompetent people and they get into office and screw everything up well you are responsible for what they have done you caused the problem you voted them in you have no right to complain I on the other hand who did not vote who did not vote who in fact did not even leave the house on Election Day I'm in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain as loud as I want about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with so I know that a little later on this year you're going to have another one of those really swell presidential elections that you like so much you'll enjoy yourselves it'll be a lot of fun I'm sure as soon as the election is over your country will improve immediately as for me I'll be home on that day doing essentially the same thing as you the only difference is when I could finish masturbating I'm going to have a little something to show for it folks thank you very much

Info

Channel: Anders Jacobsson

Views: 10,616,362

Rating: 4.8478074 out of 5

Keywords: George, Carlin, Back, in, Town, 1996, Politics, Sayings, Culture, Irritation, Voting

Id: YLuZjpxmsZQ

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 13min 1sec (781 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 14 2010

Reddit Comments

God I love this bit. It cracks me up every time

👍︎︎ 9 👤︎︎ u/Motionshaker 📅︎︎ Feb 23 2019 🗫︎ replies

Wendy’s used to have a salad bar?

👍︎︎ 3 👤︎︎ u/maybeillremembernow 📅︎︎ Feb 24 2019 🗫︎ replies