George Carlin on Our Similarities

well tell you why now to balance the scale I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together things that point out our similarities instead of our differences because that's all you ever hear about in this countries are differences that's all the media and the politicians are ever talking about the things that separate us things that make us different from one another that's the way the ruling class operates in any society they try to divide the rest of the people they keep the lower in the middle classes fighting with each other so that they the rich can run off with all the [ __ ] money fairly simple thing happens to work you know anything different that's what they're going to talk about race religion ethnic and national background jobs income education social status sexuality anything you can do keep us fighting with each other so that they can keep going to the bank you know I described the economic and social classes in this country the upper class keeps all of the money pays none of the taxes the middle class pays all of the taxes does all of the work the poor are there just to scare the [ __ ] out of the middle class becomes showing up at those jobs so so stirring up the [ __ ] is something I like to do from time to time but I also like to know that I can come back to these little things we have in common little universal moments that we share separately the things that make us the same they're so small we hardly ever talk about them you ever look at your watch and then you don't know what time it is and you have to look again and you're still done all the time see you look at third time and somebody says what time is it you say I don't know you ever notice how sometimes all day Wednesday you keep thinking it's Thursday and it happens over and over all day long and then the next day you're alright again do you ever find yourself standing in one of the rooms in your house and you can't remember why you went in there iq words float across your mind Alzheimer's disease you ever been talking to yourself and somebody comes in the room and you have to make believe you were singing and you hope to god the other person really believes there's a song called what does she think I am some kind of putz little experiences we've all had given been sitting in a railroad train in a station and there's another train sitting right next to you and one of them starts to move and you can't tell which one it is how about when you're out on a small boat on a windy day you ever been out rocking back and forth for three or four hours trying to keep your balance rough seas little boat then you get back into the shore and you're standing on the dock and you can swear there was something inside of you that was still out there rock Jemmy try to pick up a suitcase you thought was full but it wasn't you go to and for just a split second you feel really strong how about when you're looking through a chain-link fence you ever notice if you're just the right distance from a chain-link fence sometimes it seems to go what is that how do they do that you ever try to tell somebody to have a little bit of dirt on their face you can never get them to rub the right spot can you say you got a little bit of dirt right here they always go we're here and you just want to slap the bastard Jevon notice how awful your face looks in a mirror in a restroom that has fluorescent lights every cut scrapes scratch scar scab bruise boil bump pimples it wort wealth and abscess you've had since birth all seem to come back at the same time and all you can think of is I gotta get the [ __ ] out of here you ever notice sometimes when you're walking with your arm around your date one of you has to change the way you're walking men and women don't walk the same one of them has to change either the man has to walk like this or the woman has to walk like this Joline a line how about when you're going up a flight of stairs and you think there's one more step and you go and then you have to kind of keep doing that you know so people will think it's something you do all the time I do this all the time it's the third stage of syphilis same thing happens when you're going down the stairs you could swear there was one more step holy [ __ ] my hips are in my chest when you drink grapefruit juice in the morning do you go like this I do too why do we drink it it's like ice cream throat you know when you've been eating ice cream too fast and you get that frozen spot in the back of your throat but you can't do anything about it cuz you can't reach it to rub it you just have to kind of wait for it to go away and it does then what do you do eat more ice cream what are we [ __ ] stupid Jeff fall asleep on the late afternoon and wake up after dark and you don't know what goddamn day it is like when you have your head on the pillow Chiba notice when you have your head on the pillow if you close the if you close the bottom eye the pillow is down there if you switch eyes the pillow would be [ __ ] babe look at this the mystery of the moving pillow I think it's related to the chain-link fence mystery racer do you ever have to sneeze while you're taking a piss it's frightening isn't it it's frightening because actually you can't do it it's physically impossible to sneeze while pissing your brain will let it happen your brain says stop pissing we're going to sneeze now push your brain knows you might blow your [ __ ] out

Channel: CappyNJ

Views: 6,095,125

Rating: 4.9271712 out of 5

Keywords: George, Carlin, standup, comedy, humor, funny, stuff

Id: cgps85scy1g

Length: 7min 52sec (472 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 03 2007

Reddit Comments

[u/grilled_ch33z]

The top 5% of wage earners pay 60% of all income taxes. The top 25% pay 86% of income taxes. If you define middle class as the 25th to 75th percentiles, they account for about 13% of collected income taxes.

[u/cking777]

"The top 5% of wage earners pay 60% of all income taxes." - Isn't a statistic like that meaningless without knowing what % of national income is earned by that top 5%? After all, if they make 90% of the income, 60% of the taxes sounds low, but if they make 40% of the income, it sounds high.

[u/thecmgeek]

The poor and middle class do all the work; the middle class are just a few paychecks away from poverty.

[u/buddaslovehandles]

I would dispute the assertion that the upper class pays no taxes. Of course, with the benefit of paying great sums to their congressmen, the upper class gets lots of opportunities to reduce their taxes.

[u/[deleted]]

Didnt Orwell basically say the same shit?

[u/[deleted]]

Maybe if you define upper class as top .5% this is true....

I work like a dog for my money

[u/[deleted]]

The best argument I can put forth for a (more) progressive tax system:

The top 5% receive the benefits of living in a society largely paid for by their tax bracket. Besides protection of their financial assets/well-being(police), there is the benefit of a society where those who cannot work are taken care of with food-stamps/medical assistance. Sure, some milk the system because they'd rather not work to get by. The rest, those who cannot support themselves and their family for reason of disability or lack of opportunity, aren't forced to steal or commit crimes to get by. I could work in a possibly related tangent about needle-exchange programs helping society as a whole even though it provides support for a lifestyle that is illegal and consider immoral by some.

I'm sure many reddit users grew up with somebody or has a relative that would steal to get by because it's easier that working. I have a cousin of a cousin who is in this category. Unfortunately, he became that way largely because his father is a several decade opiate addict who has leveraged his mild case carpal tunnel to the point where he is on SS disability. His dad can wrench on their Camaro all day then open beers all night no problem, but can't work at ANYWHERE because his wrists seem to go immobile the instance a pain management clinic comes into view. Anyway, the point is, they would both steal or make money by doctor shopping at a level where they could support themselves, opposed to their current level to support their habits. I really wish he'd get his shit together and go to school. He's got some serious athletic potential and is far from stupid, he just lives in a way that is convenient and goes along with what he's been around all his life. But there's not much that can be done...it's not like I'm going to turn in almost-family for going to more that one doctor to get his scripts.

Although the system is abused by some, there are many who use it the way it is intended. I come from a family that is decently well off now (upper middle class), but neither of my parent where able to get any further education paid for by their parents. Because of programs like WIC, stamps, ect, they were able to scrape by paycheck-to-paycheck while raising two school-aged children and going to school as they could afford it. Now they're working at careers that put them in a tax bracket that has them paying a significant portion of their income towards others who are in the same place. It almost makes the American Dream seem real. Without some financial assistance to raise children, they would have been able to barely get by waiting tables at a Pizza Hut and working maintenance, but paying for further education would not have been on the table. Without the education, they would have continued to pay little to no taxes due to holding unskilled jobs, but now they pay what some would say is more than their share. Now what they pay in can be used to help others go through the same process. If there is support for those who have the drive to climb the ladder, but were not given the opportunity by birth, can improve their situation. If people have no chance to improve their income potential, then they will continue to be a drain on the system.

But the benefit to a whole society ensure that the rich can exploit their wealth relatively safely. There are many areas where the highest earning of our citizens could relocate where less of their income would be taxed, but there is also a change in the society they lived in. They would lose the proximity to their source of income, whatever field, or build new sources of income in their new country of residence. If the poorest aren't supported, not only will they be unable to transfer any wealth to you for your services (whatever they may be), but they may contribute to a less secure or lower quality life style. If this makes it impossible to maintain a comparable level of income, then the other option is to try to maintain income from the US. If you work in the stock markets it could be feasible. If you are a surgeon, not so much.

Shame on me for using personal anecdotes to advance the position that progressive tax benefits the rich, but I think they illustrate commonly occuring benefits to the society the wealthy live in, even though they paid for a higher percentage of it than others.

[u/willis77]

The poster, does not know, how to properly use, commas.

[u/kopo27]

I always thought that the best comics were the ones who pointed out the obvious monotonous things in life.