George Carlin - free floating hostility

now this next piece of material is real simple it's called free-floating hostility 24 minor cultural items I'm bored with tired of and pissed at so hope you're ready for a little random anger people people people who make quote marks in the air with their fingers are you tired of these people yet he said he was sober hey lady eat me but a boom but Abbi next guy says to me about a boom bada bing is getting kicked right in the [ __ ] nuts [ __ ] you want to try but it means bad hair day where did this [ __ ] come from what a superficial culture put on a hat and go to work as shallow [ __ ] another crime against society hyphenated names hey lady pick a [ __ ] name would you please [ __ ] name hi I'm Emily Jarek or Fortescue hi I'm Jorge jerk me off [ __ ] you too another complaint too many vehicles there are some families in this country owned entirely too many vehicles you see them on the highway in an RV but that's not enough for them RVs not enough behind them they're towing a motor boat go-kart dune buggy dirtbike jet ski snowmobile carousel hang glider windsurfing equipment a hot-air balloon in a small two-man deep-sea diving bell doesn't anyone just take a [ __ ] walk anymore the only thing these people lack is a lunar excursion module too many choices America it's not healthy and haven't we gone a little overboard with these colored ribbons for different causes every cause has its own colored ribbon now red for AIDS blue for child abuse pink for best care too green for the rainforest purple for urban violence I got a brown one you know what it means eat [ __ ] [ __ ] getting pretty tired these guys walking around in cowboy hats and cowboy boots you ever see these jack-offs can't we kill some of these [ __ ] walking around a [ __ ] cowboy hat grown man it's not even Halloween for Christ's sakes as a Tex grow up and get yourself a wardrobe consistent with the century you're living in and camcorders here is technology gone berserk everywhere you go now this some dick some yo-yo some putz with a camcorder and he is going to tape everything doesn't anyone in this country just stop and look at things anymore sort of take them in maybe even three-member is that just a strange notion does that does experience have to be documented and brought home and saved on the show and do people really watch this [ __ ] but people's lives so bankrupt they sit at home looking at things they already did these guys are so intense you know it's always guys they won't let women touch the cameras it's a highly technical skill look through a hole push on a button big skill in there they all think they're federico fellini everything low angle zooms and pans and it's the same ugly three children and every goddamn shadow all the George Lucas magic in Hollywood is not going to change the unfortunate genetic configuration on the faces of these children keep these unfortunate youngsters out of public view what about these guys he tell you I heard that I heard dad oh you did did you well isn't this exciting what is this a [ __ ] hearing test then I wander into a Beltone commercial here course you heard it you [ __ ] Nimrod I'm standing right next to you I'm gonna move down here I'm gonna move a little farther away blowme by any chance did you hear that and what about these people to tell you their needs aren't being met we run into this stuff this is support group [ __ ] 12-steppers my needs aren't being met no what I tell them drop some of your needs life is a zero-sum game what else is troubling me Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it's an actual event I don't give a [ __ ] if I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I'd have memorized that years ago let's send them a car dear Mickey happy birthday love George I don't do that why don't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] Mickey Mouse [ __ ] him in the ass hall of a big rubber day then break it off and beat them with the rest of it hope Nikki dies like do I hope he got damn dies I hope he gets a hold of some tainted cheese and dies lonely and forgotten behind the base part of a soiled bathroom in a poor neighborhood with his band in Goofy's pants Nikki knows no one uh no one in the world takes our country seriously we waste valuable television time informing our citizens of the age of an imaginary Rogen now let me ask you this the two pandas in the zoo do you care if they [ __ ] I don't why don't they stop telling me on the news the pandas didn't [ __ ] again this year I'm not concerned I have no emotional stake in panda [ __ ] all right if they want to they will if not to watch The Price is Right probably the only reason they're not doing it on time is because some jackoff from the environmental movement has moved into the cage with them could you get a heart out of some guy in a green t-shirt where the stopwatch was taking your girlfriend's rectal temperature leave these preachers along

Channel: Ori

Views: 3,864,861

Rating: 4.9055872 out of 5

Keywords: George, Carlin, Hostility, Free, Floating, comedy, fun, Funny, joke, Humour, Laugh, Hilarious, Laughter, Humor, Jokes

Id: wBw14SVVQTI

Length: 6min 32sec (392 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 04 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Saw him in Vegas one year.. First thing he said was "You know something no one ever talks about? Pussy farts." everyone exploded laughing. What an opener.

[u/POTUS]

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