Gaslighted & Ghosted: My Personal Story

hi angels welcome back to my channel so for those of you that do not know me hi my name is Asha very nice to meet you join the a-team click subscribe turn on your post notifications so that you're notified every single time that I post I'm feeling very inspired and very uplifted by all of you and your positivity I'm just soaking it all in as you guys you see from the title here we are going to be talking about gas lighting and ghosting something that I'm sure all of us have experienced and I will also share weekly my own personal story dealing with that as well but before we jump into the video please make sure that you are following me on Instagram and that will be right here and with that being said let's jump right into this video so the turn of gas lighting actually derives from a play called gas light in 1938 where a female character was continuously falsely accused of wrongdoings you know with her husband which caused her to doubt her own sanity and there are many examples of gas lighting so I'm gonna give you a few one example of gas lighting could be someone doing something really mean or wicked to you like stealing your headphones and then you are looking for them and that person is telling you I didn't take your headphones you are mistaken I have no idea what you're talking about and you're feeling crazy for that another example of gas lighting could be that individual will have a character flaw and say something like you keep saying that I never check in on you will look I'm checking on you you know how you tend to exaggerate a lot of the time making you feel stupid and throwing them actually doing what they're supposed to do for once in your face as evidence that they are always doing what they're supposed to do if that makes sense another form of gas lighting would be a person accusing you of doing something that's absolutely obscene outright lying and trying to convince you of something that you blatantly did not commit for example you keep taking change out of my coin Bank and it's like who want like obviously no you're not this is the classic one which I personally have being accused of a person accusing you of having a serious character flaw and they'll do something to make you upset but then they'll say something like you're really aggressive like you're you're always angry all the time you know what I don't even want to deal with this right now so I'm I'm just gonna leave that's what they do this leads me into ghosting because I believe that gasps sliding and ghosting goes hand in hand so what is ghosting those thing is when someone ignores you abandons you and shuts off all communication with you completely now when you aren't gaslighted and ghosted it's very difficult because you're not there to have a dialogue with that other person because usually the person accusing you of these certain things always leaves so what happens in turn you're left alone wondering what you did wrong pondering on a thousand different you know scenarios of how it could have played out differently and it's manipulative because all you have is you against you when it took two to tango for those events to transpire people that ghost they are trying to make you doubt your own perception of yourself whether they are cognizant of that or not now here's the interesting thing when you are accused of a serious character flaw such as oh my god you're always angry all the time you're so aggressive and you kind of know when you're in this situation because you think to yourself why does that feel so far from the truth but alright what else do you have to say so this person's accusing you of this behavior and because you understand there have been plenty of times where we have gotten into arguments here and things like that off of what they have done you reflecting on these instances you automatically become agreeable because it's like okay well I was angry last week at this and I did get angry the week before that because it's something else I did get angry so maybe they are Percy that is very aggressive and you start just getting very confused and jumbled in your thoughts and questioning whether how you felt or how you reacted was actually merited I'm gonna share with you guys a specific instance where that happened to me where I was gaslighted I was dating someone and of course people that have some sort of you know flaw usually I mean really the greater the flaw the more charming the being is I mean it's ungodly it's demon time one time after multiple multiple different disagreements amongst many different things due to that individuals actions all at the time the person started speaking to me less and things of that nature and naturally when someone pulls away from you you start running after them because you're trying to figure out okay not only am I not wrong for how I feel I know I'm actually not wrong in this situation and I know exactly what happened so why is this person acting like I'm the issue here and that individual after always being drunk and not being accountable and not communicating and running around the conversation every time I would try to have a conversation with this individual he would say he didn't have time or he'll call me back and all these things making up a bunch of excuses and saying he's busy all these things when of course in the beginning it wasn't like that and he had all the time in the world I began to see this person's you know pattern that they are consistently and exhibiting very very poor choices and things that nature this person would never actually sit down and have a conversation with me about it and ultimately blamed me and said that I have bipolar tendencies that's why they limit their exposure to me because I have many different outbursts and all these things and no one that even knows me will even acknowledge that you know sometimes people just say things and they hope that it sticks that just slid right off and it just made me realize wow this person is actually really gaslighting me I mean how many different instances do I need to endure with this person to just finally let this person be toxic all by himself he has such a cognitive dissonance from his self and his own actions because he has a lot going on in his own life that it's easier to blame me now I was telling my friends at the time when this happened any person that really cares about you is not going to just call you names and accuse you of certain things what they're going to do is try to come from a place of understanding because when you come from a place of understanding you want to come up with a solution and when someone doesn't want to come up with a solution and try to understand you because they care they're going to just say you know what this is why I don't talk to you because you you always have an issue you're you're always trying to start something and it's like no I'm not trying to start anything I'm trying to understand where you're coming from because you've been exhibiting very suspicious behavior for a very long time now and I can never seem to catch you to actually talk to you about it because you're always busy or you disappear for X amount of time and it was just so unbelievably disgusting and it was an absolute mess I mean thank God that situation is over it was an absolute nightmare I don't even think half the time that certain people realize what they do because they're so engulfed in their own life and their own mess that even in them hurting our feelings and doing really messed up things to us not everyone is as calculating as we may think so it's so easy to become angry with an individual like how did you not know you were doing this because some people really do do things intentionally but there are others who do things because they're just so messed up they're suffering so much internally with their own demons and struggling with their own demons that they hurt people honestly accidentally as a casualty just because they were just going through they're having so much internal turmoil never did he ever take accountability for anything he's ever done he's always always drunk I was sober the entire duration of the relationship and he was constantly constantly inebriated and started exhibiting so many flaws I was coming from a place of understanding so I was sticking around trying to figure out why the beginning of the relationship was so incongruous to the latter end I was trying to give it the benefit of the doubt and I now learned and took from that situation that's whenever I see signs and and red flags and things that make absolutely zero sense instead of trying to understand it because I know once I begin to try to understand then the next step for me is trying to fix and once you do those things then you start falling for a whole bunch of things and you stick around way more than you than you actually should so make sure that whomever you decide to actually understand make sure that individual equally cares about you make sure that that individual is someone that is actually worth your time because otherwise you end up in a dynamic where you're chasing after someone who is not in the best space in their life for answers and they don't have it for themselves because what do hurt people do they hurt people whether it's intentional or not they hurt people so whether that person meant to hurt me at that time or whether he didn't doesn't matter because at the end of the day I have to make peace with what was just for myself I have to make the situation cathartic for myself because I genuinely do believe that closure only really does come from ourselves so just be mindful of things like that because I'm sure many of you ladies can attest to being situations like that where someone will get mad at you for being upset and only get mad at your reaction they are so hypersensitive over how you react to their behavior so that they don't have to take any accountability or responsibility for what actually got you to that place and another thing to note too is when somebody in anger is constantly bringing up your career and things of that nature that's not somebody that you want to be with because that individual as well it would bring up my career when he would be upset with me and things like that when really the cold hard fact and truth was that that person definitely struggled with a lot of you know alcoholic tendencies and it's probably very embarrassing for him to really admit because he did a lot of things and probably doesn't remember them and you know would call me drunk multiple times and things that nature and I would pick up you know because at the time I really cared and I was trying to understand this individual and really it led nowhere these type of people that exhibit this type of behavior what they like to do is they like to start fires and then they like to walk away they want you to question yourself they want you to doubt yourself they want you to question your own sanity in these types of dynamics of being gaslighted and ghosted the main emotion that you will feel is confusion and you will feel alone that's because that individual whom starts a fire runs away from it ignores you till they feel like you've simmered down a little bit that's what they do then they start taking notes of you none of their behavior but warranted that reaction out of you but they start taking notes on you so that they can pull you out on any time you react in a way that they don't want oh there you go acting angry again what I say about that you don't want me to you don't want me to you know want me to leave again do you you don't want me to start this is this is why I stopped talking to you because honestly it's scary it's scary how you are this is why I really can't do this with you that is manipulation that is being gaslighted what is the goal really whether they know that this is their goal or not what is the goal when somebody gets that deeply rooted into your your brain and is convincing you of things that you didn't do trying to make it seem like you're crazy for reacting to things that any normal individual any sane individual would be upset at what are they trying to do they're trying to get you to not trust yourself that way anytime another situation happens you're always gonna take their word over your own you're going to believe what they said over their actions boom you became the perfect victim now they can unconvince you of all the wrong that they've ever did or all the wrong that they will continue to do you don't react the way that they want and they start to see that you start to have some common sense again they're gonna ghost you ghost thing is a form of control so how can we heal from these types of experiences problem with a lot of us and a lot of us is women being nurturers we always try to come from a place of understanding and sometimes this is where we mess up we mess up trying to understand whoa whoa whoa whoa why is this person like this especially if you're someone that is an empath you're like cool are you okay why are you acting like this and you get so sucked in and just drawn in to that individuals drama you subscribe to their issues now and now they're coming at you all types of ways calling you crazy calling you you know bipolar you're aggressive you're this you're that and it's like how am i all these things all I've ever done was try to understand why you're acting like this I have to chase you down to get an answer for why you are behaving this way can barely explain yourself you're not a reliable source here listen to what your partner is saying to you in anger what types of things are they bringing up in anger well you you think you're better than everyone because you you have 10,000 followers Instagram and and and you think that you're better than everyone because you you went to college and you have a bachelor's degree like watch what people choose to use as ammo against you why are you bringing up how is that relevant to the subject the continuous subject that you are X X and X how is that relevant to the subject we weren't talking about my accolades here that you've very well taken note of thank you for that thank you for that but we're not talking about that now are we so listen to what it is that's being said in moments of anger you will never reconcile with somebody who accuses and deeply distorts consistently you will never reconcile that is one of the most freeing things that I've ever discovered when I was going through my situation at the time because I realized I'm trying to make sense with someone who this entire time was making no sense this is a very relevant topic here because I think this is a lot of the issue that many of us have and some of us may be in this exact type of situation right now how is it tailored to you if you feel this and it's making sense to you let me know we're giving the benefit of the doubt constantly because well they weren't like this in the beginning and I'm just waiting for that person to show up again and he never existed that person in the beginning didn't exist everyone's trying to impress in the beginning and some people just do a really really good job and then once things go left they stay left and they never come again they never return to normalcy again so you have to let that idea leave I was watching a video that Shallon had posted shot in Leicester and she was saying that when you are in a long-term relationship sometimes it's easier to leave an individual because you have more data on that person when you are in a relationship with someone for a short amount of time very very brief you start to fantasize and even romanticize what that individual is or the dynamic between you and that individual because you don't have enough data to collect on that person and that's exactly what happened to me where I was constantly forgiving that person every five seconds and I was still very confused and I'm chasing after them trying to figure out why are you doing this and all of a sudden it's just like a project for me it's a project and it's consuming all of me and it was very very frustrating it was literally a nightmare what you need to also do to heal is you need to recall all the events and scenarios that this person is accusing you of and you need to actually sit down in your sober thoughts and realize how unjust these accusations actually are and what this will do is this will set you free of self-doubt because what happens when you care for someone so deeply and your emotions are involved it's so easy to kind of trick someone into thinking know what you're thinking is wrong oh my god no I was not ignoring you the entire week I literally lost my phone for three days and then I I found it and like some stranger returned it to me and then literally I was gonna text you but then I like literally lost all my contacts and then I went out with my friends and then my phone died so I it was just so much back to back I couldn't really get to you and then I was gonna call you on my friend's phone but then I thought you would think that's weird I would rather have waited until the weekend was over to finally like just like call you and let you know that I was okay you know but it's not like I wasn't actually ignoring you like why would I ignore you like what do I need to ignore you for so they used like obvious things like saying what do I need to ignore you for as a way to kind of calm me down and then you sort of think yeah I mean why would this person ignore me for this I mean they are kind of talking about this they are acknowledging it but really they're not acknowledging it they're acknowledging a little part of it to make you feel comfortable enough like they're opening up but really they're not they're manipulating the narrative not all people that do things like this are cognizant of the fact that they are like this but a lot of them are it does not excuse their behavior whatsoever now here's the tricky part because I'm really all about true transformation and doing the internal work giving that person will help you realize that person's pain and confusion now whoa stop here forgiving anyone does not mean accepting them back into your life forgiving an individual does not mean that you have to be as close to them as you were before that you have to start off the dynamic it doesn't mean fresh start what it means is that you're no longer going to be controlled by the thoughts of what happened with that individual you are no longer going to let their lack of control control you you are no longer going to allow their confusion and their pain consume you be the stronger person and you know yes this individual hurt me but you're not going to stop me from moving on you're not going to stop me from having another healthy relationship you're not I understand that this was this circumstance and that's really all this was I took Intel of what this was I will not allow something like this to happen to me again cannot fix an individual you can't identifying it for yourself because this is cathartic for you does not mean you go ahead and try to fix that other individual because name a time where it's ever worked especially with guys guys don't like to be fixed really better girlfriends so name a time where it's worked an in conclusion just know angels do not ever allow anyone to destroy your integrity and your psychological health ever in life and that's why you forgive them you don't even have to let them know listen I forgive you because sometimes been there done that that doesn't work when an individual is just so engulfed in their own chaos and I forgive you is nothing to them it's like okay what are you forgiving me for it doesn't even matter like I didn't do anything anyway of course you forgive me I didn't do anything to you and then you get sucked back in you get sucked back in so take it like this if you are someone that has experienced being gassed sighted more than likely you will get ghosted it's a form of a manipulation tactic used to control you namely by an individual who has no control in their own life who is suffering in their own life I do challenge all of you to come up to a higher standard not everyone is going to be the same not every individual is going to be the same never ever ever leave a situation and take that and dump that on to the next situation that you are in because then you've officially became a victim and that is the last thing that we ever want to become so I hope you angel 'z have enjoyed this video I hope that this really resonated with you do not forget that I love you and God loves you and I will see beautiful angels in my next video

Channel: Asha Christina

Views: 34,757

Rating: 4.9788451 out of 5

Keywords: level up, relationships, relationship advice, advice, beauty, Shallon Lester, dating guru, Matthew Hussey, sheraseven1, Bella barz, asha c, asha cee, dating, dating advice, school of affluence, Anna bey, pink pill, the red pill, red pill, the pink pill, millennial dating, teen dating, leveling up, classy, style, sophistication, Carli bybel, toke makinwa, breeny lee, Isabel palacios, hailey gamba, mindful attraction 2.0, Chloe_, quality queen, quality queen control, QQC

Id: RqroYS-5yec

Length: 23min 1sec (1381 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 07 2020