THIS is WHY you get so ATTACHED! (The 4 Attachment Styles)

hello angels welcome back to my channel um firstly let's just talk about this let's talk about the fact that wow the love that i have received on my last video i am outside of my body like thank you guys so much i really really appreciate it and i just love when i have really high energetic videos kind of like this one last week i was giving you guys a pep talk this week i want to educate you guys so as you guys know before i've talked about how to detach but today let's uncover why we attach so there are definitely multiple reasons why we do these things and a lot of them are actually psychological and of course as you know if you are a part of the a team if you are an 18 angel then you would know that i really do want to promote and encourage true transformation on this channel so with that being said i really want to thank better for sponsoring this video personally i have downloaded betterhelp myself i've used their services and it was very very amazing to say the least and i really think that it's important to continue to destigmatize mental health just to give you guys a little background on better help what it is that they do and who they are better help has licensed therapists who are certified by their state board to provide therapy and counseling so the good news is that you guys can get therapy anywhere you really want that's on your phone on your tablet and there are multiple ways that you can communicate with them you can do it via text messaging phone calls and even video calls now this is very huge because of the fact that sometimes we don't have time to go to a therapist or sometimes we don't want to drive to a therapist we kind of want everything to be a little private a little low-key which is totally fine if that's your thing and that's why it's great that they offer these options betterhelp also has groupinar sessions every week where members can learn in groups directly from licensed counselors on multiple topics like relationships and ways to overcome anxiety which is huge because a lot of us do suffer from anxiety these days there's so much stress going on in the world and considering the social climate and everything like that it's important to always have someone to talk to now here is the best part better help costs 65 to 85 per week and financial aid is available for those who qualify and you can also apply for the financial aid during the sign up process also do not worry no matter where you are in the world better help is available worldwide please understand that better help is not a crisis line so if you are in crisis by any chance i will include a link to crisis resources in my description box below also just a little bit about my personal experience with better help more in depth i did choose the option of doing a video call you can switch it up whenever you want sometimes i was able to do video calls and what i really loved about this is it was very tailored to you so you can choose if you want to someone that has the same faith beliefs as you and then also if you want them to utilize scripture based things i am a christian so i opted for using you know scripture and things like that but also if you are christian or whatever your faith is and you don't want them to utilize scripture or anything like that you can also opt for that option so this is a very tailored process for you and it is super affordable so i really do encourage you guys to sign up and i'm going to show you exactly how okay guys the sign up process is fairly easy and simple all you have to do is follow the prompts exactly as they are on the screen and again like i mentioned one of my favorite things about this is that depending on whether or not you choose to have it faith-based that greatly impacts your results on what type of counseling that you will be receiving so you're just going to follow the prompts and then once you're done you have a pin you sign up and you select whether or not you want a male or female counselor and lastly just write a couple sentences about what you would like counseling on so guys as you can see it's super easy to sign up you guys can use my link in the description box or you can use the link that is on the screen to sign up with better help and let's get on into this video so i hope you have your notebooks with you this has my video treatments in it and a pen because today we are going to be taking some notes now we are going to be talking about why it is that we attach and i all i can hope is that you guys get a good laugh in and that you're able to learn at the same time now we are going to dive right on into this there are four different attachment styles i get a lot of dms all the time asking why we are stuck in dead-end relationships and why we can't leave this person and should we leave this person and the list goes on and on so with that being said i just really want to help you angels understand maybe taking a more deep dive into our psyche about why we make the decisions that we make so let's start with attachment style number one this one is called dismissive and avoidant so usually guys that don't want to be in a relationship do this a lot but women do too so when you're in denial about your situation and you're asked questions about it or if you're in denial about anything and you're asked about it you become very dismissive [Music] now i want you guys to keep in mind of course there are boundaries that we have where we don't want everybody and anybody in our business but we have to have the balance of understanding when someone's just asking a question just to ask and being super defensive if someone's asking a question like hey like you know are you dating this person like is this your man and your response shouldn't be well where's yours like reel it in you're a little snappy and i'm a little concerned we have to understand that sometimes not everyone's always out to get us and that we shouldn't be super dismissive all the time whenever someone asks us something or they genuinely just have a question so usually people that have this attachment style find it uncomfortable to emotionally attach to others or get close to others or they have trouble with having emotional intimacy with people now the issue with actively avoiding emotional intimacy is that it doesn't work for long for you or for any guy it doesn't work because a lot of times we don't realize that our internal issues with ourselves we try and fight in the world and all that negativity and avoidance extreme pride and even darkness dark energy stems from hurt and darkness in your own heart so this is why i always say it is our job to do our due diligence and heal ourselves so yes things are going to happen to us just unjust they're going to happen and unfortunately it's our job to fix ourselves just like how sometimes it may be our job if you're an older sibling where your younger sibling isn't cleaning up behind themselves and you have to go pick up the slack or if you're just you know more mature in a situation and you get into an altercation you have to be the bigger person it happens sometimes usually people with this type of attachment style are known to have had uh neglectful or absent parents because i always say it always starts from home the first two people that you are the closest to are and should be your parents especially when you're young so if you have experienced rejection from them at a very early age or neglect an attachment style like this can happen and some people even disguise being dismissive and avoidant in humor we all know those people that their jokes are first of all you're not funny okay like it's very obvious when people are hiding their humor in you know weird truthful type of jokes like i personally i'm not a huge fan of that and i am someone that enjoys laughing a lot i love comedy but it's not funny it's sad and you're hiding your humor in a lot of pain and i can see it you can't fool me anyways number two the anxious and preoccupied attachment this is the type where you need constant reassurance from your partners and you're seeking closeness and intense intimacy often and prematurely you cannot be needy this is not attractive ladies you cannot be needy and you cannot be clingy because i always you say this whatever you chase does run and this is just not an attractive quality to have because at the end of the day nobody enjoys someone that is extremely clingy it's not a thing because to an emotionally sound and mature individual it's very obvious that something is wrong here so if you find yourself anxious and insecure and you're questioning yourself because you didn't get a text back or you were a really nice outfit that you really liked and you didn't get any compliments that day and you're constantly awaiting you know a stamp of approval from everyone and seeking validation and everyone and you just can't you're always asking wait um how do i look wait wait okay so like you think it's fine like listen i'm gonna say this for everyone i'm gonna take this for the team it's annoying like i'm sorry but it is it's annoying and you gotta stop it it really is annoying you will inevitably run a guy away if you act like this and then what happens after that then you want to start questioning your self-worth and doubting your self-worth at the end of the day men do not like clingy women and i want to stop right here for a brief second and explain why these things are important to discuss because we all like to hear advice about don't do this and do this and how to get this and how to get that but we have to really uncover what's going on psychologically because this is what i'm invested in and in order to be invested in true transformation you have to understand the root of where all these things come from so perhaps in me explaining these things to you guys i'm hoping that a light bulb will go off and you'll think hmm i can identify with some of these things you know or maybe i know someone that behaves in this manner and i can identify that maybe i can help this person because i understand because you can't change what you do you don't acknowledge and what you don't know you just can't at the end of the day when you guys hear this stuff i want you guys to take it seriously and understand that these are the reasons why a lot of people are in relationships or they don't understand how to deal with you know rejection and when to walk away from certain situations because they're unaware of their own attachment style number three let's dive on in the disorganized attachment this to me has to be the worst one of them all i must say because this is also known as fearful or avoidant so i'm sure many of us can relate to this or maybe we even know someone who displays this type of attachment style these people are all over the place they self-sabotage they want emotional closeness yet they push it away at the same time they constantly date people who are not good for them and reject the people that are their picker is definitely off they go the extra mile for people that don't deserve it they fight for the guy that doesn't want to commit reject the guy that does want to commit to them anytime someone displays some sort of affection to them they get all weird and don't think that they are deserving of it what hence why they self-sabotage they just don't make any sense and this is why i think that this is a really sad attachment style to have because it is non-stop chaos and some of the people that have this are very unaware and they can't seem to understand why things happen to them the way that they do they actively participate in their own dysfunction and in their own demise with an extreme cognitive dissonance of how and why let me tell you something you cannot be fearful of trusting people yet you want constant validation from people you cannot hoard your feelings and expect someone to read your ever-changing mind because there's a lot of people that are out there that are like that they want you to wake up and be on whatever time they're on and it just doesn't work like that it's just like they're so emotionally chaotic and unpredictable you know one day they're mad the next day they're not next day they're sad and you just have to figure out how to dance around their feelings no stop it get some help now what kind of people usually have this attachment style people that have experienced loss or some sort of extreme trauma for instance people that have grown up with parents that struggle with alcoholism so because they're in an environment they were raised in an environment where security and nurturing or affection wasn't guaranteed and the person that was supposed to nurture them and take care of them sometimes does harmful things whether that's being emotionally abusive or what have you the amalgam of these messages result in a reaching out and a pulling away at the same time and that inevitably results in someone that's going to have this sort of attachment style nine times out of ten people that are very chaotic grew up in very chaotic and dysfunctional homes it's really not rocket science and lastly number four the best attachment style to have which is securely attached now this one is pretty self-explanatory this means you're confident trusting and comfortable and you know how to read the room you understand the emotional climate you know when to reach out for support and you also know the appropriate time to give it and you're also comfortable with your partner having their own independence whilst maintaining your own now this is what will keep you from getting attached or overly attached as well because you are secure in yourself and this means yes if there are difficult conversations to have you still have them because you understand that you need to express yourself no matter how difficult it may be and people with this attachment style understand the balance of support and space now usually people with this attachment style have parents that were authoritative and involved but also still nurturing and still permitted independence and usually their parents as well have the same type of attachment style so in conclusion these attachment styles to some degree or percentage are in all of us so it's important to identify which one you embody the most and if need be see a therapist you guys know or if you know me if you're not new here you would know that i genuinely believe everyone should have a therapist hence why i'm so thrilled to be able to work with betterhelp to offer you guys the professional help that you guys may need these things cannot be skipped over because why depending on what your attachment style is or attachment styles in general are a direct reflection of how we express love in every capacity and also how we deal with rejection quality queens put in the work for true transformation okay angels with that being said thank you so much for watching this video if you made it all the way to the end of this video i want you to comment baked lays yes people in the comment section are going to be a little confused but maybe that's good let's confuse them type in baked lace if you watch this video all the way through also do not forget all the information that you need my better help link will be in the description box below as well as any makeup or anything that i have on that will be in the description box below as well do not forget that i love you and god loves you and i will see you angels in my next video

Channel: Asha Christina

Views: 28,233

Rating: 4.8975348 out of 5

Keywords: quality queen, quality queen control, Feminine, Femininity, personal development, law of attraction, purpose, finding your purpose, motivation, motivational speech, school of affluence, loa

Id: PHGYHHsj7xE

Length: 16min 28sec (988 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 18 2020