How to: STOP STALKING EXES AND OLD FRIENDS

I literally feel like the camera is so close to my face it's fine oh my gosh whatever hello guys welcome back to the car chronicles I thought I said that's so loud anyways I digress welcome to my channel for all my new subscribers welcome back to my channel for all my returning subscribers make sure that that post notification bell is clicked so that you are notified every single time that I post and also do not forget to follow me on Instagram which will be right here and also stay tuned be on the lookout my podcasts will be coming out very very soon quality clean control okay I am super excited for you guys to tune into that because I'm gonna have a ton of different gasps a ton of different topics and it should be a lot of fun so let's jump right into this video so as you guys can see from the title the name of this video is how to stop stalking exes and friends this is such an important topic to discuss I did quite a few consults today and I realized that this issue kept coming up now I already wrote my video treatment before my consults even really started so I thought that was so timely that that would be you know one of the main issues and I already decided I was gonna talk about it today so thanks lord love you now wanna start by saying that of course everything takes time you know whether you are stalking an ex because I mean what other reason would you really be sucking an axe besides a breakup you're stalking the girl that your ex-boyfriend is with or the guy that you were in a situation ship with and you know he's dating this girl now and you don't like the fact that he's taking her more seriously than he took you or whether or not you were in a fight with one of your friends and you feel like she is posting with the girl that she said she didn't even like before and now all of a sudden they're hanging out so she's totally funny for that all that jazz yeah there's a lot of healing that needs to be taking place but the longer that you stalk and constantly present opportunities for yourself to be upset is the longer that you will stay upset because you can't really get upset with what your nuts so I think it's important just as a rule of thumb in general to not put ourselves in positions where we are you know kind of becoming the architect of our own misfortune we are our greatest contributor to our sadness and to our agony so let's talk about it I would say rule of thumb number one is to block and delete the ex and the friend that you're fighting with or friends that you're fighting with and yes I understand it takes an immense amount of self-control and the thing is actually not even so we easily tend to block people our exes or the person that we got in a fight with we easily block them but the issue now becomes unblocking them that's where the issue begins because a lot of the times we effortlessly will block someone but then we unblock them cuz now we want to see okay well they already know that I block them now now I just want to see what type of stuff they're posting or I want to see if they're gonna look at my story now or I want to see if they're going to reach out to me and communicate with me and I think a lot of the time especially when it comes to relationships we as women all the time wants you just for security reasons cuz it really does feel good and it really does suit our ego to kind of leave that window open Shia's soon case if they like touched us or call us like or maybe but zoila's like who knows but like it really is true trust me I've been there to where you just like I don't want to block them cuz I kind of want the satisfaction of knowing if they're gonna hit me up again but in reality what you're doing is you're creating an energy where you're constantly in limbo or this like you have this anxiety you're creating this anxiety for yourself of when is this person gonna hit me up or did they hit me up maybe before when I block them maybe I should unblock Tinley sooner when in reality nine times out of ten especially if it's a guy that you blocked he never really reached out to you in the first place whether you blocked him for 48 hours or whether you blocks him for a month nine times out of ten they did not even bother hitting you because realistically if someone really really really wanted to contact you and you block them they can call you block they already have your phone number they can call you from I mean this might sound crazy but they can call you from their work phone or a friend like theirs there are ways to contact you they can email you of course all right now if this is someone that truly truly was sorry and and they were in the wrong and you blocked them there are ways to contact you it is not impossible I mean look Psychopaths effortlessly do all the time they generate new numbers to text you from they will call you from their work phone they'll email you after you've blocked them so come on we've all been in instances of people that have tried to contact us and we've made it fairly difficult for them to reach us and they've still managed to reach us in spite of so don't even try to convince yourself otherwise okay only if I unblock them we'll be able to contact me that's not true and the reality is you know that that's not true okay if anyone seriously really wants to contact you they can it is not that difficult it just isn't and you have to understand a lot of the times we put ourself in situations where it's like all right but like I just feel like Dena I can't go have a situation it's so toxic like I feel like they're holding me hostage and it's like if the reality is also that now they're not holding you hostage babe you are holding on to them like really think about what it is that I just said you are holding on to them you won't let go of them and then also you create an energy of hyper obsessing over whether or not the person that has wronged you whether it's an ex or a friend is going to reach out to you to finally say sorry and then you never get that sorry so now you're heard about something else on top of them probably cheating on you or on top of them probably being fake and phony and you know betraying you and whatever nature now you're upset because they just didn't even end up reaching out in the first place and you did then the honor of unblocking them to grant them the access back to you and they still didn't reach out and now you're upset about something else or let's say you're upset over the girl that your boyfriend is with now your ex-boyfriend is with now and now you're tuning in to their show to their life and watching everything they're doing and then getting upset over it I can't believe he took her there and he told me he was gonna take me there and now he's going with her you don't even if you actually think about what it is that you're doing what you're doing is you already have an intuitive feeling of that he's progressing with this person and moving forward with this person you're literally tuning in to give yourself context and evidence into their lives and what they're doing while they're moving on without you and then what that does is for a minute it's itchy that scratch of hey yes I can finally see what they're doing but then after when it's done it's like I can't believe it I can't believe he really is doing that or I can't believe she really is hanging out with her like she told me that she didn't like her and now all of a sudden they're best friends and all you're doing is giving yourself more reasons to be upset and you can't heal while you're literally tuning in to what hurt you in the first place you just can't hunt in any aspect of the way whether that is with like I said a ex-boyfriend any sort of past relationship and even a platonic friendship it just doesn't work like that you cannot keep tuning in and then getting upset over what you already know you knew that you know coming out of the situation that he's seeing that girl you know that he goes to dinner in all these different places and you're gonna continue to put yourself in a situation where you're just getting upset over what he's doing you can't control him but you can control you you can control his actions you can control yourself and I always tell you ladies that if he is a jerk and his character bottom line is that he's just you know he a Tristan Thompson he is just constantly cheating it's physically impossible for him to even be faithful then he's gonna be the same way with that girl do you not remember when you two first started dating it was the same thing it was all rainbows and smiles and all these things and then it just you know turned into a disaster or when you were friends with the girl that you were friends with and you started having your reservations about her because she did come across as a little phony and you think she's not gonna be a little phony with the next girl to come on you know better I'm gonna say another tip is do not post the subs on social media I know that this is so hard especially living in this day and age and especially with you know Millennials in general you know we have access to social media which is such an incredible platform when used appropriately and use the right way and a lot of the times it is used for negativity and things of that nature or people will weaponize social media and efforts to exposing people or to break up with someone or to embarrass someone whatever it may be don't do it and I know that for some people it is very very difficult because their method is to go straight to social media and and essentially use it as a diary when really nobody really cares that much you know what I mean there was like a saying that that said that half the people that you tell your problems to don't care and the other half are happy that you even have it in the first place so sometimes some a cult like that does apply sometimes because I always tell you guys that everything in life is circumstantial but at the same time you don't want to be that person that's always running to social media airing out your business it's kind of like having a friend that's always venting to you about how she's gonna break up with her boyfriend finally and then you give her advice like yeah girl cuz he's doing this he's doing that and you have all this solid evidence and then she talks right on social media and then she removes all the posts and finally puts his name back in her Instagram bio because oh he worked it out and we're like together again he said he wasn't gonna do it anymore can you understand that's like annoying and then when you sometimes make things public than people you know of the public feel like they are entitled to having their own opinion about what you put on a social media platform the lines get very blurry in terms of having your own privacy when you are in a social media platform I mean even for myself you know people in general just want answers and especially if you are someone that was in a tumultuous sort of relationship and everyone knew you guys were together and then you guys broke up and then now you're posting these subs and then he's posting subs as well it just turns into a very messy situation and at the end of the day let's really be real when it comes to relationships guys do not care about the poetry quotes that you're putting on your Instagram they do not care about any sort of sub that you're posting at all and I personally believe but sometimes you know some guys don't even block you because they didn't even care enough in the first place whether they see you pop up on their feet or not or maybe they do follow you still because they do genuinely want to see you know what you're doing because they didn't take the situation that happened between you guys even serious enough to even bother and following you because that's how much of a joke he thinks it is and then sometimes of course on the other hand you have someone that will block you because they really just want absolutely nothing to do with you or maybe they also just forgot to block you as well which also means probably not that significant you know you're probably not that significant in his life if he's gonna even forget to do something if he doesn't really like you at all really that much am i making sense here and really quite honestly when you're putting yourself in a position where you're posting those subs and everything on social media I mean really you're just kind of opening up the conversation in the floor to whomever you know comes across it and like I said it just becomes a very you know nasty battle where you're just circling the drain and your car of seeing who can hurt who the most or the best by posting the most hurtful thing or you know victimizing themselves in the best way whatever it may be it's just and it's also very immature you understand I'm saying because people that truly care for the other person involved or out of respect for what you and that person once had relationship or not relationship or friendship you don't bring things like that onto social media and and and you know open up the floor for a public audience it's not appropriate and I also want to say this do not frequent places that you know that your friend used to frequent or does frequent or that the guy you were dating frequents in hopes that you're going to bump into them like come on you know exactly what it is that you're doing like you're always hanging out in those places or that area just in case if you end up bumping into him so you can have one last conversation or so that he can see you with the new girl and all that stuff that type of mindset I'm telling you it's easy to want to participate in those types of things but when you actually realize that one time is the one thing that not even money can buy back and how time is so important in your life especially the older that you become you realize how much energy you waste on certain things and you can't change someone's mind and you can't change certain circumstances so instead of wasting your energy and time trying to meet you know your friend uh and confront her with the new girl that she's with because you want to call her out for being phony because she never likes that girl anyway or whether or not you want to bump into your ex and the new girl that he's with it's it really is virtually pointless because what are you actually expecting the outcome to be what is he gonna do say oh glad to see you hey this is my ex-girlfriend I want to introduce you to my new girlfriend you know the one that I cheated on you with yeah this is her um hey so what's going on how's life like honestly like how did you expect us to go do you see what I'm saying and then even with your friend if she's fake she's fake she's baked to you is she's gonna be like baked to her like you're not gonna get a real response out of her anyway so trying to confront someone who can't even meet you where you are I mean they're just you know kind of set on their perspective and and and misunderstanding you you won't get far you genuinely will not get far and again it really is true when you seek vengeance on someone be prepared to dig two graves you will lose yourself in the process I don't care how good you think you are at you know getting revenge on people I don't care if you thrive on being vindictive and whatever the case is you will end up losing everybody has their day you do not continue to live a negative life like that and reap nothing but good things coming your way so I want to say this in conclusion okay you need to focus on creating your own life of happiness and abundance be happy that this circumstance ended be happy that that guy is not in your life anymore be happy that that friend is not your friend anymore why why should I be happy Asia you don't understand what they did to me you don't get it no I may not understand everything but I can empathize for you and I do empathize for you but what I'm not going to do is empathize for you being the architect of your own misfortune and self sabotaging yourself by continuing to dwell in your sorrows of you know deceit and and regret and all these things because all that's gonna do is keep you there so instead what can you do to fix that you can anchor yourself in bettering yourself anchor yourself spiritually anchor yourself in self-development that's honestly fundamentally what it all boils down to how in life life is a series of tests that will never end but I think in life and what life wants to teach us is that we need to be better equipped handle what is being thrown at us and depending on whether we learn the first time or the second time or the third 4/5 whatever it may be the lessons get louder harder to deal with and more serious because you're not tuning in and you keep on wanting to rehash and rehash and go back over and over again into the past when you should not be doing that let the trash take out itself let people walk out of your life when they are wrong for you and deal with it on your own don't try to go back talk to them one more time never let one never let a man tell you he doesn't want you more than once and never let a fake friend getting your good graces after they showed you who they really were believe them be leave them the first time okay don't spend so much of your energy obsessing over what he's doing what she's doing all of these things because all you're doing is wasting no more time not focus on yourself they're living their life okay he's doing whatever he's doing with the next chick you know any moment now gonna ruin her life just like he did yours if that's the case and she is going to have a new set of friends every five seconds because she's unstable you don't need that energy in your life you don't need that toxicity like I told you guys before rejection is direction that's what it is at the end of the day so instead of thinking I can't believe this happened to me like why would this happen to me instead think about it like this what was that situation meant to teach me what was that relationship meant to teach me and then you having that sort of positive spin on it is going to enable you to start being why xoring your decisions now you know okay those are the things I don't want in a relationship now you know okay those are the things that I can identify in a fake friend that I don't want around me I don't always want to have to worry about who's talking behind my back and she's alleged supposed to be my best friend I don't want to have to worry about that guy anymore you know always getting news from a girl and then telling me I can only control what goes out of my phone I can't control what's coming in it sir you can you can shut it down and you're not because everything is a two-way street okay and if you're constantly receiving nudes and and girls you know sexting you all the time you're really gonna play victim here and say I can't control what comes into my phone I can only control what's going out of it it's like how would someone feel comfortable enough to randomly send your nudes we're in a whole entire relationship like are you okay are you well like you're not like get checked out you said I'm saying so that's why I say be very careful when it comes to breaking your own heart and I know that it's not easy it's not easy to not hop on that Vincent account okay and go see what the next chick is doing I know it's not easy in any way but you have to force yourself to do it because the more you do it the less you will genuinely care because once you scratch the itch like I said and you tune in and you see what's going on you don't leave happy you're not like oh I'm so glad I saw that huh yes now I know where they're at I feel so good now no after you scratch that itch you're now upset now you're thinking about all the you know the happy times that he's having with this other person now you're thinking about your friends you know now posting pictures with this other girl and it used to be just you know you and her you understand so I say all that to say this in conclusion let all of that stuff go let all of that toxicity go start now one day at a time okay maybe you log on on your princess six times a day you know bring it down to a three bring it down halfway and really start to train your mind and say you know what I let this go I forgive myself for having this experience I for give myself for not acknowledging my own gut for betraying myself and not trusting myself enough to walk away when I knew that something was wrong with this friendship with this relationship I forgive me okay and really actually start to repeat that to yourself because the hardest person to forgive is ourselves the hardest betrayal that we will ever experience is our betrayal to ourselves because it's way easier to forgive someone else than ourselves and I want you guys to understand that you can still be a mess okay and still strive for perfection at the same time and I heard this you know sort of ideology from Lisa Nichols who I absolutely loved and I think that is such a profound thing because a lot of the times we feel like we can't start something or you know put an ending to someone because to something because we're just not ready yet and we want to start that project we want to let that person go we want to let that friend go when we are when we have everything together then we could drop that person and really stunts on them but it's like no you can still be heartbroken over it and still strive to do better and to make sure that that situation never happens to you again it's very possible okay angels so that is the end of this video thank you so much for hanging out with me do not forget that we are on the road to 100k baby okay we're shooting straight there straight for our plaque we can do it if you like what I said in this video be sure to like this video okay and also share it with your friends your cousin's your co-workers whoever you feel like needs to hear this message share it with them and with that being said I love you and God loves you and I will see you beautiful angels in my next video you [Music]

Channel: Asha Christina

Views: 37,205

Rating: 4.9660101 out of 5

Keywords: level up, relationships, relationship advice, advice, beauty, Shallon Lester, dating guru, Matthew Hussey, sheraseven1, Bella barz, asha c, asha cee, dating, dating advice, school of affluence, Anna bey, pink pill, the red pill, the pink pill, millennial dating, teen dating, leveling up, classy, style, sophistication, Carli bybel, toke makinwa, breeny lee, Isabel palacios, hailey gamba, mindful attraction 2.0, Chloe_, quality queen, quality queen control, QQC, raw hair

Id: _FOHuf3gDYs

Length: 24min 23sec (1463 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 13 2019