Wait...for WHAT? FOCUS!

okay I turned that off hello guys so very very late live I think this is my first actual really really really late lives I was watching real house Real Housewives of New York it's like my favorite show ever it's my guilty pleasure hello hi hi guys this is like in the light one oh you're watching my videos hey hey hey so guys today I want to try and stay on topic as much as possible because I remember before I would try to do focus live topics and it wasn't really working well for me but I know that I mentioned to you guys in my pinned comment that I wanted to do a video on focusing and then I started seeing such amazing things on Instagram and that also inspired me to talk about waiting as well so what do I mean in terms of waiting waiting for a guy waiting for a relationship one of my friends sent me something that was on I guess likes tea parties IG TV and you know Steve Harvey gives a lot of advice for women and things of that nature and the girl was basically saying that she is friends with benefits with this guy and he they are not meet you know exclusive obviously cuz they're friends of benefits and he is still seeing other women she said this is becoming increasingly difficult for her because she obviously has feelings for him and he's tired of her jealousy she also doesn't want to feel jealous and she's tired of him not really wanting to make that commitment now here's a crazy thing he goes and tells her on I love you so much but I'm just not I want to make sure that I'm actually ready for what it is that you want so the lady was saying in in response okay you obviously know what he's going to do she only sees him as well once a week so to her and and I think allegedly I don't know the distance of how they live how far they live from one another but it was a significant difference and she thought that that meant at least he's you know coming over here it doesn't matter because that's exactly how men are men will travel far and wide and beyond all to just all with the hopes of sleeping with you or the fact that they already know they're gonna be sleeping with you they travel far and wide please remember that it is not that significant okay so I personally I know for a fact that a lot of us probably have ended up in situations like this where we were friends and benefits at someone and as one of my subscribers wrote I don't know who wrote it but she said friends at benefit situations need to stop you know why because we they are the friends and we are the benefits that's all there is men are the friends and we are the benefits there is no actual benefit so the lady was saying should I wait for him like should I wait for him to come around because I don't know he does say that he loves me okay even if he loves you he's not in love with you men in love move different that's it men in love move very different they do not act that way if he wanted to take you off the market he wanted to take you off the market that is one of the most significant things that I've ever read when I read um Steve Harvey's book applica lady think like a man he said the following he said if a guy really really wants you he's going to want to take you off the market he's going to want to take you know obviously make it known this is my girlfriend this is my woman this is mine so that he sends a message to all the other guys or candidates you know back down guys I'm with her if he's not doing that then why are you still there and it's not even to say it in a harsh way because genuinely I have you know a lot of you know empathy to the best of my ability when people are in situations like this because it happens so much and as of late a lot of my friends have been reaching out to me and been asking me for advice with certain situations and the number one thing that I do say is assuit the moment you decide to override your intuition or take that guy back that you know cheated on you you are on a sinking ship the moment you decide to do that because if they do it once they're going to do it again because a lot of the times men will literally do the most wildest things and don't worry about the consequence later because they already feel like all right she forgave me once for cheating and it suck that I got caught but I mean I'm sure that I can get my way out of it again especially because by time you actually find out you know again if it happens again which it probably will okay he's you're already more deeply involved right and I don't know what it is but like when drama sort of starts happening like that it becomes strangely addictive leee we're in the in the sense where it's like you're constantly battling him minimizing issues your intuition facts that you actually see I mean it's really really really crazy and toxic and yes like beloved G bliss list said it is conditioning okay I was talking to one of my friends and she was the one that I was talking about in my video today and I told her I said if you go talk to this guy again because they only went on one date if you go talk to him again he already conditioned you to accept his behavior that making plans with you and not ever even mentioning it to you is okay if you if you set that standard right now so I said to her you have two choices because this will only go two ways either you accept what he's doing and let it cycle out and this will be the biggest heartbreak of her life or you block him delete him that's it that's his lesson to learn that's it and you think they'll okay I was in a situation before we're like this guy was talking to me and dying to see me all this all these things I wasn't really too enthused so I didn't even really care but the point is he was so enthused to see me and then finally we made plans and you know how you get an intuitive feeling honey I had that I had an intuitive feeling that this date was not going to happen and he we were supposed to meet for a certain time he literally doesn't speak to me at all majority of the day he messaged me earlier on in the day just to see how I was doing and then he doesn't speak to you first of the day we were supposed to meet for lunch literally five minutes before we were supposed to meet I literally said to him I'm on my way but really I wasn't on my way I was lying because one I knew he already was on his way and I wanted to see if he was gonna either not respond or see what he would say I text him saying I'm on my way he responds two minutes before were actually supposed to meet at the designated location and he says sorry stuck at work can't make it okay um well that's nice I didn't really want to I didn't really want to go anyway um so thank you for that Thanks um and I didn't say anything to him thoughtfully you're done your chance is ruined this happened to me one out of the other time this guy was messaging me messaging me like crazy on on like on Instagram for a while then I was like finally you know maybe I'll give it a chance huh oh my gosh so this guy's texting me back and forth like all this stuff being you know just so you know like just a lot in a way but it was annoying me that much but he was a lot I would ignore him he would send me selfies of himself every day I mean eek like I was just whatever I digress the point is he I'm him as well oh my gosh what am I gonna see you in I'm gonna see you like I think two times he cancelled when we were supposed to meet and I think because I was relieved I wasn't even paying attention to it then the third time I think I had to cancel cuz I had something to do so we agreed to meet a fourth time and then I realized whoa skirt why does it feel like such work to just go to a dinner or a lunch that you want me to meet you act like you want me to go there like I'm not sitting here fighting for you asking you out on a date that just really rubbed me the wrong way and on the fourth time that we that we were supposed to meet guys you want to know what happen I forgot for one that he was the miracles to go on a date I don't write down my dates unless because it's just an intuitive feeling like I know when it's gonna be kind of worth my time or not so I'm usually write things down and plus it it helps because it kind of puts the ball in the guy's court to where you're gonna see okay is he gonna keep his word or not cuz inevitably they're gonna remind you hey honey am I seeing you later today or looking forward to seeing you things like that you know I forgot didn't mention anything he didn't mention anything either do you guys know that this guy literally text is my phone and says hey gorgeous just like checking on you haven't heard from you in a while you disappeared on me I disappeared on you I'm sorry do you not realize that literally we were supposed to go on a date at that certain time and you didn't say anything after you've been dying to see me for what how long now so you know what um this conversation is done we will never be and I'm not talking to you like ever in life again there is no point I say all that to say this ladies stop giving chances to people who do not deserve it the beginning is the best parts that be beginning is when everything is supposed to be amazing that is his chance to show you how much he can impress you I pick ups okay and that is your chance to set the tone in the best way because guys are going to pull all the stops in the beginning of the relationship so I'm really confused here on why we think it's okay to override those things okay I was talking to another one of my friends and she was talking to me about basically how her boyfriend was just you know basically cheating like over and over again all this stuff and I'm fairly close to her so I you know didn't like him anyway and I am not that type of girlfriend where I'm always telling my friends break up with him break up with him break up with him because I want to see my friends happy and also sometimes I'll say my message I'll say my piece but I don't shove it down my friends throats because I I can also tell if they're ready to actually move like move on what I say or not if I feel led to I will say what I need to say but I don't judge them for not taking my advice or anything like that because I am an understanding person yeah I do like to you know give tough love that's just my method and I guess in a way that's how I was raised but essentially I don't I'm not going to get upset and angry at my friend for not doing exactly what it is that I said because at the end of the day it is their mistake to make and it is their lesson to learn if they are not ready to let something go then there's something that they need to learn from it and unfortunately sometimes it's at the it's at the you know the expense of our time and our youth and just our life in general the longer you wait to get out of a situation this the harder it is to leave okay because you've tolerated so much and taken so many hits to your to your ego compromised on so many different things you don't even know where to begin to actually stand up for yourself after a while it almost becomes pointless so my question now becomes wait for who wait for what what are you waiting on this guy isn't doing right by you okay this guy isn't doing what he's supposed to do taking you out on dates all these things all these things probably stopped he took you on one day two dates all these things now he's ghosting you not even saying anything or let's say you were dating a guy and then you guys slept together and all of a sudden now he wants to hit you up once a week what is happening here what is going on right now unacceptable and the second that we okay except that behavior they conditioned us to know okay okay well that's what I'm gonna do now that's the move and we conditioned them subconsciously to to say yes okay I accept that behavior it's fine no it's not fine hello it's not fine and I think that it's so easy to get lost in situations because naturally we all love love we all want to be loved you want to be liked it's basic human instinct so for people that say I don't really care about love all this stuff that's great some of us probably have more control over our emotions than others but what I like to promote on this channel is yes I want you ladies to learn the game you know be a savage if you must whatever the case is but I don't want to you know project the message of being jaded I was telling one of my friends today because she was saying you know you just can't beat these people anymore like especially in relationships you should just be cold-hearted all for yourself yeah that sounds great and all but I so I said to her and she said you just can't forgive people I said to her no you can forgive people forgiving people doesn't mean letting them back into your life forgiving people is not about them forgiving people is about you you and the hardest person to forgive is your to actually really heal okay yeah I want you ladies to know the game learn the game all of these things but I don't want you guys walking around jaded okay I want my supporters okay to all be positive women women that are very intelligent everyone is on their own great respective paths but I don't want you guys walking around jaded and hating men and all this stuff because they're doing their job Anderson I'm saying we need to do ours we are subdue we are intelligent woman are intelligent we have an intuition we are we are multifaceted okay not necessarily to say that men aren't but we are capable of so much or so you know arguably so much more do you understand what it is that I'm saying so learning all these things doesn't mean like oh we hate men all this you know all this stuff what it means is I'm smart I know what I deserve and I'm not gonna tolerate that from you that's it that's really it okay um I think that when you sort of project that sort of aura of you know negativity and what you want is coming from a negative place like let's say like oh I just forget him like you know I'm just gonna like use him for this you stand for that that's all fun and games in the beginning and whatever path you want to go on is fine but I'm I'm more in you know aligned with true genuine healing and living out my best life getting what it is that I know I deserve and I genuinely believe I can get it like I don't believe I have to stomp on people to get certain places but that's just me some people they stop on people to get certain places and it works for them you understand but that's just not what I'm into and everyone is into different things okay so again you can forgive that guy whatever the case is but you don't have to accept him back into your life forgiveness does not make you weak forgiveness actually makes you strong because you know why anyone can be jaded it's easy to have an added it's easy to not care sometimes it's easy to just give up when you're so angry and infuriated and just be like honestly they forget this I'm done like all men are the same all men are this all inter that it's very easy to do that what's hard is picking up the pieces picking up yourself learning from that experience and genuinely starting over with the knowledge that you have okay Brittany Renner said this on Instagram today she said literate she said a lot of the times we don't like to get enter into new relationships cuz it feels like oh my gosh I don't want to start over and get to know somebody new and all these things and things that nature and she said you're technically not starting over you're starting with experience which is good because now you know what you will accept what you won't accept based on that experience you know it's it's just that simple how can a Christian like me marry a rich man there aren't many rich men that are Christians um I would disagree with that I think there are many you know rich men that are Christian I don't think that their religious views have anything to do with their status financially I don't see the correlation between that do I believe in soulmates um yes and no I would say yes because some people I look at them and I feel like wow I really do feel like they were meant to be and then some people I some people probably never even find their soul mate do I believe I have a soul mate I don't know to be honest I don't really know I think that there are many people in life that we are capable of being with to be honest we just have to find those people or those people have to find us I don't know if I genuinely believe that it's one person does that make sense I don't know let's see what else do you guys are saying what are your thoughts on hypergamy yes I totally blame hypergamy hyper to me guys just basically means like marrying um and dating people that are a but you know sort of like above you whether that's socially financially marrying up into dating up into a certain class there's absolutely nothing with that actually that's normal that's like traditional feminism you need to be your own soul mate and balance your feminine and masculine energy for the person asking how to not catch feelings you should watch my video on how to detach so love you guys ask me questions on how do I get over this relationship how do I do this the only way out is through okay the only way out is through I don't think that and you know what I don't even get upset when you guys ask me that because sometimes it really helps to hear it from somebody else so now this is me telling you this okay you need to go through go through it by self-care start building yourself up again focusing on you that is it even if you want to jump right on back into dating you know just to like get your mind off of it even if you really don't even like any of these guys which more than likely you won't because you were in a long-term relationship but just do it just to do it if you don't want to do that then I would start working out start getting your your mind health your mind healthy start meditating like change your look change how you physically look change your hair you know start changing like how you dress that way you are not associating who you currently are that was with him okay with your future self who you're becoming who you're shaping yourself to be because then you becoming that new person and looking different is going to create what I've we've a cognitive dissonance from that guy from there you know from your past kind of like um yeah he can't even get me now like look at me it's kind of like that sort of thing and I believe that psych psychologically what that does is it kind of minimizes who he is which eventually in your brain it'll train your brain to actually believe like okay that didn't really mean anything I'm different now I hope I'm making sense okay let's see will he think that you changing yourself is trying to get his attention who even cares what he's thinking you understand do what do what you need to do for you because if you came out of a long relationship like that and it didn't work out nine times out of ten you were worried about his feelings so you need to worry about your feelings if he thinks that you want to look good just for him after you guys broke up then one I already know one thing he thinks you look good and two we also know another thing he's not getting you back huh so enjoy the free looks from Instagram if you didn't block him already and what I would do honestly is I will block him and then when I know that I'm fully done and recovered from you know the situation after I've been dating around doing whatever it is that I want to do levelling myself up then I will unblock him if I even remember and more than likely I won't so actually he stays blocked what do I think about dating older men uh yeah I think dating older men is that fantastic I don't date anybody my age because to me I just I'm not interested I there's for me I really do like stability I like people that can really show me something someone I can learn from and things of that nature so for me there's nothing not to me that a 20 year old 25 year old can show me that's going to remotely even like WoW me by the long stretch understand how old is too old well that just depends on you is 38 years old or too much um I mean legally if you are of age I'm and I'm assuming that you are then I mean love is love I just I genuinely believe love is love it's if somebody is genuinely treating you well and you love them then that's really it doesn't even matter I'm China okay monitor in the comments what is your opinion about hi Jess um what is your opinion about dating pro athletes okay well personally I don't date people in like any sort of industry like I'm not I've never been into sports players I've never been into rappers and people that are kind of in the spotlight my personal opinion about pro athletes you know my guests are okay to date here and there I'll you know I almost don't think it's that long term because they are on contracts and once that contract is up it's kind of like they have to rebrand themselves and sometimes their contract I don't know the how it runs but if they get injured in the process of their contract and they are not they're no longer capable to fulfill you know their duties they kind of I think run out of money so they have to figure out ways to be brandable and to me I don't know I'm not really in that sort of like lifestyle in terms of being interested in you know athletes and stuff I don't think they're horrible to date I just personally I wouldn't take a pro athlete really that serious they have tons of girls they're throwing themselves I mean a lot of guys have tons of girls throwing themselves at them especially you know if you're money if you have money and you're good-looking but especially sports players and I always joke around and I say you know they play games for a living and I don't like playing games so that's just how I think about it I'm sorry like if you're famous you can always make money um yes and no yes and no that's why there are levels to certain celebrities okay um depending on how brandable you actually are a lot of sports prelate players likes they just live like regular kind of you know lives to me I never I mean at least that I know of I I can't really speak you that much on it cuz I mean I don't really know much about it what do you think about X is coming back nope I have a video saying don't go back they only come back for one or two reasons they're bored or you know they're bored and they want to get back with you they are not trying to be serious um or they're just trying to check in to genuinely see if your brain is where it should be so that means no one know they X nothing good comes from going backwards nothing good comes from going backwards please understand what I'm saying please listen to what I'm saying if anybody here on this live right now is thinking about going back to an X please don't please don't please don't I don't know how many different ways or languages I can warn you guys please don't do it it's not worth it nothing good comes from going backwards okay and for if you think about it like this it's way more fun in my personal opinion to start over with someone who hasn't done anything to me okay then to start again and again and again with someone that I already know what it is that they're capable of okay um I was watching one of Shaolin Luster's videos and thank you thanks to you guys who actually introduced her to me she said the best indicator the best predictor of the future is the past I mean the accuracy and what she said the best predictor of the future is the past especially when it comes to relationships you know his patterns you know what he's capable of do you really want to always have to sleep with one eye open all the time and like always wonder who's texting his phone and you know who's on his Instagram liking his photos and who's the girl that commented on his photo last week and he's telling you Instagram isn't that serious it's like why why wait around for that why wait for someone to finally choose you aunt skirt no you're gonna choose me day one just like you chose to go on a date with me when we had no sort of relationship and now the whole dynamic has changed okay if you want to treat me like a joke then I'm going to leave that's it how to tell if a guy is into you or only once one thing I think that's very easy I think that obviously men are normally driven by you know physical things okay but the conversations that he brings his actions is he always trying to get you to go over his house is he never even trying to take you out on dates is he always talking about Oh send me pictures it's he always saying you know I think I can't wait for us to you know finally get together and just being overly sexual you you can easily tell when I got all first of all let's be clear on this guy's always wants that one thing and if they can if we continue to let them they will get that and we don't get them think about what I just said okay so we hold that power it is up to us to be to give that or not you know say what I'm saying so to weed out if they want that or not every guy really wants that it you know I think the only issue you will encounter is when one doesn't then we have an issue you understand so it's not really that remarkable you know if you know if someone wants that but to differentiate if he only wants that from you what is the conversation like do you guys go out anywhere his actions things of that nature that will easily give it up give it away and Hanna me see I'm in high school and I get bullied do you have any tips I'm on my way to college did you attend college okay I want you to know that outside the confinement of high school life is very different the likelihood of you getting bullied in college is I would say slim to none okay I don't know if people really getting bullied like they do in high school in college you know your life is about to change significantly because everyone in college is that difference you know stages in their life you people that are 18 right you people that are 33 okay you might even have a 40 year old I mean heck you might have a six year old people are on different levels people have children people have jobs people have full-time jobs part-time jobs like people have lives in college no one really has time to sit around and bully you per se now this is my experience because I was a commuter I did not live on campus per se so obviously if you are engaged in the community and you're surrounded by of course people that are young and are your age maybe that kind of might happen again but it shouldn't you know why you have a brand-new chance to rebrand yourself okay let's say any insecurity that you you know may have had in the past you know in high school you now have a brand new start into college what is it that you want to improve with yourself or about yourself and really actually answer that question and in highs and in college everything will be different for you Asia oh where did that comment go I'm so I'm so upset I wanted to read that you know it's so funny like you guys you guys are funny you guys are really funny I don't know how some people even end up in in my lives like are these subscribe like how do they end up in my life I don't understand what if I have zero sexual attraction for men but I want the lifestyle somebody just wrote me saying you are at 80 K hold on hold on guys my heart's racing oh my god oh my god I'm sorry guys I just oh my god thank you I had to respond to this person oh my gosh I'm not gonna cry on this life oh my gosh thank you guys so much like I have no words to say I'm just thank you guys Wow oh my gosh like I'm literally going to cry when I go to sleep I'm not gonna cry in here oh my gosh thank you I'm so grateful thank you so much Wow I really want to cry right now but I'm not oh my gosh oh my gosh to answer that girl's question okay you said you have zero attraction to guys but you want the lifestyle I mean then it should be extra easy for you because now you can just really act I guess you have no emotions involved with these guys so you can easily just play the game okay um do you think I would be happy living a complete lie just to get the bag do i I'm gonna be very honest with you know because I always look at this like the psychology behind everything so for me being a human being you we don't naturally like lying okay and I I don't seem to be capable of living a lie psychologically you know is borderline psychotic in some sort of fashion you know I mean seriously and I am certified in mental health by the way living a lie is definitely clinically you know an issue because we naturally don't like doing it it creates like a cognitive dissonance obvious that's like my favorite my favorite words like cognizant cognitive dissonance but it's really true we don't like lying so if do I think you will be happy forever living a lie no no and are some people capable of living a lie and being happy yes but I question their psychosis that's just me okay do I judge them no but for me I couldn't live like that okay now in life there's gonna be certain you know white lies are lies that we feel we we have to we have to tell okay but in terms of living a long-term life and and lying the entire time I I don't know if you don't you would genuinely be happy in addition to that you know if you are someone that you know you want to be with you know the same sex then no you would it be happy living a lie and you would more than likely be cheating which creates more scandal and you know for guys for some reason they probably wouldn't even care if you if you did but I think when it becomes very apparent that you genuinely don't want him touching you you will have a and it won't be in Houston okay I need an older guy who doesn't have an Instagram a lot of these older guys don't have Instagram but you know what you said something really good some of these guys do and I actually you're right I don't I don't like that uh I'm not into guys that have a like some sort of social media presence because I obviously do and to me I feel like I'm not attracted to guys that want to be in you know the spotlight as much as you know I am it's weird for me I just feel like weird about it I don't know I'm not into it I just got done with a lawyer and he was narcissistic Oh seam seam I can relate well you know what they say lawyers are the best liars okay let's see what I was doing saying hey Asia I was friends with this boy and he was flirting with me quite a lot and then I realized from a friend that he was actually dating another girl and he didn't want me to know what do you think I think he's already playing games I think you should continue to ignore him while you have and I told my friend this yesterday while you have the most minimal investment emotionally drop him because if you continue to partake and entertain that you're going to drown yourself and you already knew what look at you look at the answers he was dating another girl flirting with you and didn't want you to know how you get in is how you get out huh how you get in is how you get out I tell all my friends as I've been telling my friends this since I was like 16 years old like how do you get in it's how you get out that's it okay Aisha you find value in ourselves sometimes I feel like I'm worth fifteen billion dollars and other times I feel like I'm worth two dollars and a bag of hot cheetos hmm fun fact I've never had hot cheetos before secondly you need to start participating in activities that make you feel good what makes you feel good is it dancing okay I love to dance okay I love to dance and you guys also know if you've been subscribed to me from the beginning you know I don't drink but I go out and when I do go out I love to dance I'm always dancing I like to tour I like to do all these all those things I like to have fun like come on fun it is what it is but that makes me feel good and it also is a form of exercise now obviously I'm not like gonna be sweating and getting crazy and looking gross but if I would I know for exercising that makes me feel good I'm losing weight I'm eating healthy I'm doing my makeup everyday think about how you feel when you do something you really enjoy I wrote on my near like right here on my near I wrote on it I always write central quotes for myself so what it says on my near right now is what excites you anytime you do something that you enjoy but for some reason it's hard for you to get back to that place for instance exercising it's like dang I hate getting up to go to the gym but once I'm there I love it so what I would do is and I haven't been to the gym in a long time for argument's sake I would write down how I feel after I left the gym so that I can go back to that and read it and say wow okay I might not want to wake up right now to go to the gym but once I'm there I know that's different I just need to be there and I know I'm on gold okay and that's what makes me feel good what hobbies do you like to participate in okay do you like em destroy us out there do you like painting do you like ballroom dancing sort of sort of surround yourself with a community okay this is 2019 there are communities forever everything start to get involved in that it's very easy to create a social life for yourself especially you know when you have friends that are fun and they want to go out and they want to do things you know I've been very blessed in my life where I have you know the same crimes for years and years and years and years and years and they just they always you know we're always able to hang out and do fun things together what if a man improves dramatically after the breakup he was literally waiting to level up on you then okay what do you mean by he improves dramatically after the breakup let's see [Music] you're saying that you guys have to say tips free oh I love this tips for young women dealing with passions dreams and distractions okay so this is right in line with my topic of focusing and waiting for what okay so now we're gonna talk about focusing it's so easy to especially when you're you are a perfectionist to procrastinate today I was watching because I'm really trying to get into building healthy habits for myself so I was watching this YouTube video on b12 habits that successful people have and you know one they said wake up early to they were talking about at one point they were talking about procrastination they said there's two types of procrastination there's intentional procrastination and then there's procrastination that's just from laziness you put things off for days and days and days and days and the unintentional procrastination means you are just giving yourself time to think through something because you know that there's a chance that moving too soon or moving to or delaying you know your decision or the or the action or taking action will um hurt you so I think it's important if you are someone you know eat like me okay I tend to go through phases like I was in a phase where I was like going out going out going out going out now I'm in a phase where I'm just like focus like laser focused okay so naturally for me dating takes a backseat because to me men are always gonna be there like they're not that you know important to me right now because I'm I have a goal in mind I'm doing something okay and you're gonna have friends you know to that may not be able to understand that you know sometimes you know especially when you have a you know big group of friends I feel like somebody definitely needs to hear this if you or someone that you have a big group of friends and let's say you are kind of the more serious one you want to start focusing on your career and you want to start getting more serious minded and you kind of are feeling insecure about that because your friends you feel like they're gonna look at you differently and they're gonna feel like okay well she thinks she's better than us she doesn't want to hang out with us anymore because she's focused on her career like she can make time for us all these things if that's what they are doing then they're not your friends because another video that I saw from Shannon Lester she said that friendships require elasticity friendships do require elasticity they need to be able to stretch and come right back they need to be able to go the distance if that if your friends can't go the distance and can't be understanding of where it is that you're going in your life and especially when you want to get more serious in your life how is that a friend okay if you are involved in a toxic relationship with a guy that's like constantly giving you giving you the runaround let me tell you something you being in the wrong relationship can be detrimental to your mental health okay as well as your career and be the biggest distraction because when you're in it you're like down and you're sucked in it and you're just like you're just swimming around your loss you know just floating essentially then when you come out of it now you're grieving and it's like oh my gosh that's hook everything out of me and some people are capable you know like I'm the type of person my friend was telling me she's like I feel like I'm so emotional and I feel like you would know these things or experience these things and you would just like snap back into place and it's like yeah that's true and that is just me but that's me because the way I value the way I think of myself and how I value myself I instantly just think umm no like I'm definitely better than that okay I deserve better than that I'm not gonna put up with that okay so I can experience some sort of like you know hurt in a way but I won't dwell on it and naturally that's how I deal with my emotions in general like I don't dwell on things like I don't dwell on anger I don't dwell on any negative emotion naturally that's how I am I've always been that way so for me not that it's impossible for me to get my heart broken it just hasn't happened you understand I experience moments where someone may hurt my feelings I'm not invincible I'm not invincible I'm not perfect like I'm not but I think you know I just been fortunate to where I have nothing has ever really like you know completely threw me off kilter but I will say the hardest hardest situation that I've ever had to endure was definitely my relationship with the lawyer guy that I was dating that was definitely like a whirlwind like you know and he was just a very toxic person for me he was not a good person to be in my life you understand and what I learned from that essentially was that it's so important who we choose to be with who we surround ourselves with because that can be the difference between you going and reaching your goals you going and you know starting the business that you want you know you wanting to exercise because you feel like you're constantly worried about what he's doing who he's with you're constantly worried about your friends judging you because you want to level up and you know that they're gonna look at you differently for that these are all distractions relationships are a choice friendships also are a choice life you know in general is full of choices so make the decision okay and and it's not always gonna be an easy journey it's it may feel lonely at times but what its gonna do essentially is its gonna weed out who should and shouldn't be in your life and I personally love that what I always tell you guys let the trash take out itself please do the honors for me I'm just saying Laurie Harvey thoughts what about her I love her dad Steve Harvey he's my uncle thank you so much for the donation babe okay what do I think of Sagittarius and men no oh I never dated a Sagittarius so I literally don't even have an opinion on them from what I might one of my well actually one of my best best best best friends who's like my sister she's a Sagittarius and she just likes to laugh a lot I know Sagittarius is have you know a big sense of humor and I like Sagittarius --is I don't know if I would I don't know I never dated a sad man so I I I literally have no idea I don't really have much of an opinion about them so what I do have an opinion on is don't date a Gemini what I do have an opinion on is air signs should stick to air signs okay may I'd love to see an Aquarius and in gemini be in a relationship I want to hear how that goes let's see can hi Asia can a religious girl like me be a sugar baby um hi I mean I've never been a sugar baby I find that sort of world like very interesting but that's also because naturally I'm the tenth person I want to know a little bit of everything about everything like that's literally me like I want to learn about science I want to learn about okay I don't wanna learn about math like I definitely drags it there but I want to learn a little bit about whatever is you know interesting and enticing it's an interesting world you know I have you know a relationship with a girl that essentially is that and we talk all the time and her life is just so fascinating to me you know and stay tuned because I'm definitely working on something with her and you guys are definitely gonna see it I just definitely I don't want to see too much too much but I want to be able to cover all topics you know whether I experienced it or not um this I feel like I definitely could you know research easily and get more knowledge on as opposed to online dating like oh my dating to me is like math it's like like what is going on I don't understand online dating I do I did put a book about online dating on the the list of books that I made and I know you guys you guys know how long that list took me to write holy moly okay and I feel bad because people are writing me saying hey you didn't list the books like till even today people are messaging me saying you never listed the books and I'm like guys it's the pin comment I like when you go to youtube the pin comment is the first one that pops up so I started freaking out and I'm thinking is it not there like the list that I made is it not there like you guys that really freaks me out like it took me so long to write that book list like because whenever I do things for you guys I like to make it as easy and organized as possible that really freaks me out but I'm it's still there though last time I checked let's see what you guys are saying uh-huh oh my god Asia when is the badge hygiene routine coming out oh my gosh so I'm thinking about filming Matt for next week I want to I was thinking about the angle and how I wanted to talk about it because I really wanted to be as you know detailed as possible oh my gosh look my boyfriend is Gemini I'm Aquarius okay Celina how is that working for you cuz I it's probably good you know why you guys are both air signs so I think that's good but shouldn't Aquarius be with the cancer I don't think so I definitely don't think an Aquarius shooting cancer hasn't happened yeah maybe I always tell you guys everything is substantial you know my word is not you know I'm not the word according to God but certain things are just what they are okay tinder has never worked out for me same no seems this seemed I feel like every time I'm on live with you guys like time elapses so fast and I get so upset because I never want to go over an hour you know oh God I attract controlling guys why do I keep why do I attract this these type of men why do they try to trap and control me because and and really like be receptive to this you something about you is giving off insecure vibes okay because you know typically what people that are controlling and manipulative do they target people naturally that they feel are insecure okay if there's something about your aura that's giving off in an insecure you know vibe and energy that they feel like they can step into your life maybe it's also the things that you're sharing one of my friends called me today and said that like she overheard these girls you know with this guy saying oh my god I have like no friends like this is like my only friend like I have no runs and meet my friend and I were talking why would you say something like that I like no friends someone that's manipulative is gonna be like haha you have no friends right wow that just made my job a heck of a lot easier now I know I don't have to actually take my time and separate you from everyone cuz you already are and no one really cares about you know is gonna miss you so I can do you know with you what I will you understand what I'm saying okay let's see mm-hmm if you if guys have baggage and have personal issues is there a possibility for a healthy relationship or do they need to heal first guys need to heal themselves guys need to hear themselves when you step into a situation and clearly you already see and know what's going on you cannot help him because what it's going to do is it's going to emasculate him and he's going to resent you trust and believe Asia how do you embrace changes for self-love instead of a perspective of a hard challenge how does they commit and how to say committed embraced challenges for self-love I mean challenges like what specifically um I don't know I don't really know I need you to elaborate on that question why do guys only want to be friends with benefits with me like what are the caliber of guys you know that you're dating where are you meeting these guys okay I'm not saying you're doing this but if you're meeting them at the local pub you know more than likely that's gonna be the case cuz guys are always gonna try you they're always gonna try and get less you know and get the most for less that's naturally what they're always gonna try and do okay so you have to figure out okay maybe is it your appearance so they may feel like she's cheap is it your conversation how you're cut you know you're coming across like out like your team he met you in a drunken night I'm here so hot I love you Kenny I'm your number like you know I don't know like I'm just sorry he's out there like I'm just seeing you know I'm just saying like like you have to really ask yourself these questions okay where am i meeting these guys um what is the conversation like well meet when we do talk you know is it too sexual too soon is it you try to act like the bro like you're cool like you're just wouldn't you know they're friends like you understand you have to really be a quality queen this is why I put so much emphasis on caring yourself you know in a refined way refined is literally one of my favorite words when you are refined okay yeah you know there's gonna be different people that are attracted to you like bums and Dusty's like nice things people in general like nice things so of course they're gonna like you if you were fine but what it's going to do is it will weed out a lot of you know people because they already know okay some of them are like okay I already know I can't with this girl because look at how she carries herself look how she speaks right when you are someone that is refined you understand where to put your energy and when so you guys obviously see me here on YouTube and I have like you know very animated personality and that's just how I am but when I first meet people guys I'm not I don't throw this all out there do you understand what I'm saying I am wait I'm very observant and I just I watch and I listen a lot and I am way more quiet because I want to assess them I don't want to give them a full scope of me first you understand what I'm saying okay let's see okay Dusty's are always at the gas station that is so funny guys I'm definitely gonna end this soon we're at 59 minutes yes I do hold consultations guys um oh my gosh hold on I want to block this person did it work yes I do all consultations if you guys message me on instant go I no longer I'm doing the video consultations because you know thank God genuinely that it got so overwhelming there isn't enough time in the day for me to sit down and have a proper conversation with you guys one-on-one it's way easier for me to do that you know the texting and a phone call and eventually it's gonna just resort to probably just the texting to alone on for right now I feel like I can handle both but the video calls I have to be like sitting down in one place in order to talk to you guys you know cuz I want to be respectful and I want to be able to you know give you guys my full attention so um if you download the app instant go which is going to be in this description box if you check any of my videos all the information you need to know is in my description box as well as my instinct Oh information Asia I really miss my ex who broke up with me four months ago he doesn't want to stay friends and I tried having a roster but my mind goes back to him I know it's obvious I should let go but how ok um ok number one thing you cannot be friends with an ex ok this is this is why I I love literally shout and luster like you guys really really really really did an amazing job when you guys introduced me to her she said another thing oh my god what'd she say I didn't member which video was cuz I watched it about like three four videos of hers um ah she said friends are neutral right so friends come from a neutral perspective you can't be neutral with somebody that you had history with and that you were romantically involved with at all you cannot be neutral there is no such thing as being friends so if anything he's doing you a favor Rebecca and I know it's not easy and it hurts but he is doing you a favor because staying your friend is going to give you the delusion in your mind because look it's been four months and you're very much hung up on it still okay and the more that he pulls away from you the more you're like chasing after someone that clearly doesn't want to be with you and guess what happens you hurt yourself more your you have like your ego is like shot it's like whatever I already put myself out there he was my boyfriend he doesn't want me anymore but at least I had him I'm still gonna reach out cuz I really want him I want to be friends because you just want to keep him in your life in any capacity you know and any way possible and it just doesn't work like that and yeah you've gone out you've gone dating all these things but you know what maybe okay the dating thing isn't working for you because all the dating thing is doing is making you think of him now it's time to date yourself date yourself a little I like to do what are my hobbies mm-hmm what do I want to wear today how do I want to do my makeup today like I really want to look sexy like so at least when I walk out you know I feel confident wherever I go oh I want to see if there's any you know classes going on by me for exercising because I want to get this body right you said as motivation to say oh you don't want this well you're going to and by time he comes around to even wanting you you were not eating anything about him at all and you need to read one of the books that I put in the oh you need to read the no-contact rule check my video on the book recommendations if you go to the pinned comment there's a book called the no-contact rule it's by Natalie Liu oh my gosh I need to end this live hey Asia I actually now see the boy I was talking about before at the new church I go to we're both teenagers and he sees me there I have decided not to notice him what do you think um if you feel like you guys both like each other what I would do is kind of I give him like you know cute smile every now and again so he kind of gets the hint like hmm and then look the other way not like purposefully ignoring him all the time you know what I mean I would kind of make it a little bit you know friendly obvious that you like him but not in a way that's desperate where it's like hey like yay like Elin come to me it's more just like if you guys happen to glance in the same direction it's just like hmm you know so that he feels like you are approachable right if this is someone that you want to start actually you know seeing what are you doing you're still in love with the person who has hurt you and no matter what you do you can't give up on him babe now they're going to do it again I talked about this in the beginning of this live they're going to do it again and it's going to happen worse it just happened to one of my friends okay this isn't something that's like new this isn't like you know a new revolution this is a very common thing and if he does it once he's gonna do it again and truthfully you're never really you're never really actually gonna get over the hurt it's just gonna manifest in different ways called mistrust so now you're checking his phone you're trying to like while he's sleeping like you're trying to like put his phone like on his face for like face recognition you're trying to like put his thumb like on the thing if he has like the other iPhone it's not worth it you got to love you more than you love him that's what you gotta do I you know one of one of my older boyfriends said this to me when I was younger he said let me tell you something in relationships there has to be like I eat like um an uneven scale somebody needs to like someone more than the other okay so especially with when it comes to relationships with men he needs to love you more than you love him that's all that is it he needs to like you more than you like him it's the only way to actually have control over the narrative that's it okay just like Kim and Kanye like you know like I would say like I'm more like you know I have more of like Kim stands in terms of like somebody I'm dating like they need to like cherish me they need to cherish me that's it that is the dynamic that we're setting up here oh my god if you like the comments are going crazy so I'm gonna answer one more question guys um do we know contact this is moving so fast doing the no contact rule he's always the first watch my G stories but hasn't reached out I tell myself I'm over him but I still seek the validation of him putting an effort I'm conflicted well you worded that so well so clearly you are a where of you know yourself and this is the thing we all do that when we want to see the same thing right which is the validation of okay well I know he still cares just looking at it guys literally will not care and look at it for eternity now some of them will block you which means they just can't stand you okay they just don't want to see you at all but some guys remain neutral because they never even really cared in the first place so it's like yeah look at her stuff and then to some degree he probably just genuinely is curious and wants to see what you know the girl that he's not with anymore is doing so what I would do is I would cut off his subscription access denied and that way you don't even give yourself the option to even see what he's checking on you cuz you already clearly know that he is checking on you you understand what I'm saying but I would honestly block him so he knows one thing we're not friends and no you do not get to look at me after what happened with us like we're done it's over buying mm-hmm is you can you make a video on what was that why did how the comments is that fast he make a video on when you should start being vulnerable and how to go about being vulnerable and honest in a status relationship when you should start being vulnerable when you are heading towards marriage bike you're engaged essentially you can start being vulnerable when you're engaged or when you know that you know that you know that it's heading that direction you have to keep your guard up for a long time ladies for a long time so that actually is more of the question as opposed to when to start being vulnerable because by time you know some people don't even make it to the point of even being vulnerable and then some people just start off venerable you know and that's not a crazy thing because we've all done it because you know a lot of us have been in positions where we're proving to the men where they choose us you see what I'm saying so to answer that question I I don't I wouldn't make a video on that right now I don't think that's a lot of people's concerns right now on when to be vulnerable in terms of being honest I mean I don't think you should walk around lying all day you know I don't think you have to be it depends on what it is that you're discussing right if you tell me like if you ask me like hey is that a wig on like to someone else that question could be like vulnerable to them making a feel vulnerable like hey are you wearing a wig but to me it's like yeah like I'm wearing a wig I told the truth you know that doesn't make me like I don't feel vulnerable because I said I'm wearing wig you know what I mean um and to another person they may feel like you know they're being vulnerable because they they said they were in a wig so also it's arbitrary as well how do you get them to like you more you got to be a challenge okay you don't need to see you have to watch my video on playing your role that will help you because that also gives you details on like how often you should see them and what your role should be as like the girlfriend as the wife as the friend things about nature oh my goodness what are you doing your ex is your twin flame I have known I've heard of twin flame I don't know how to identify somebody about twin flame or not I don't think I really would want to know that because I think what that does is that just gives us some sort of pass to stick with like crappy people sometimes because twin flame you know connections you know can be very intense I'm super submissive and I wanted very examine to alpha-male sometimes I thought my guys are crazy do you know how to tell the difference between a nice on a guy and a crazy dude yeah there is because real men or just everything flows it's it's a simple thing okay with guys like they're very chivalrous you know alpha males are you know the chivalrous you can tell in their conversation their perception of certain things depending on the questions that you ask them so you should watch my video on how to date as well and what that does is essentially you can see how you view certain things oh how do you feel about you know a guy being a provider you know for a woman things of that nature because that's gonna come up anyway your unconstant you don't wanna ask it but it's gonna come up anyway and you can only hide from yourself but for so long you can like pretend to be somebody else but for so long do you understand what it is that I'm saying um how to differentiate with someone's crazy look at their patterns okay I'm just throwing this out there little things like are they rude to the waiter are they extremely aggressive when they're driving you need to go to my video um on the books that I recommend and you need to read the book psychopathy under the Mental Health section in the pin comment and it's called like how to identify I have a book called how to identify a dangerous man I have a book called how to identify sociopaths narcissists and things of that nature I'm very good at reading things like that especially now okay narcissist you know you can tell when someone's all about themselves when someone's temperamental if they can't even hide it if they wanted to okay you have to be really oblivious to not see it okay because it's just inevitable when someone has an addictive personality an obsessive personality these things are not that you know at least for me they're not easily hidden from somebody like me okay but even if you're just in the car with him and you see how he you know oh my god let's go like it's like they just have certain random outbursts of like extreme you know emotion and it just doesn't feel balanced it doesn't sit well with your intuition and like you can tell because alpha-male doesn't mean crazy okay it just means a man that does his job he provides he is chivalrous he's you know a genuine person that's what an alpha male really really is he's a man that likes to take charge but respectfully are you mihashi guys I feel so bad like the comments are like flooding up which I'm so thankful for but I really do have to go because well one I do have to go to sleep I know some of you have stayed up to watch my life as well and I love you guys so much for doing that it is 12:16 a.m. now in New York and I need to wake up early so I can um write my new video treatment for you guys and also yeah film and come up with another amazing video for you guys for tomorrow so I love you angels so much thank you for hanging out with me on this live and I know it's been super late but I really do appreciate it don't worry this is saved and it will be uploaded to youtube so do not worry and I will see you guys tomorrow in the next video na goodnight guys

Channel: Asha Christina

Views: 49,963

Rating: 4.9184527 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: rQco3D_CC1A

Length: 74min 45sec (4485 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 25 2019