Everything Wrong With Ralph Breaks the Internet

[Music] forty-eight seconds for two logos to tell you that Disney did this boom accept your apology the director said let's have Raph eat a giant cherry that looks like an apple it'll make him look like even more of an [ __ ] let's just distill this movie's myth about tamper okay that guy sold alcoholic drinks to Cowboys athletes punk rockers and aliens the idea that he sells root beer to these videogame characters is a lie this is true then the adult videogame characters in this world are depressed as hell they can't get the good stuff we're barely two minutes in and this movie has a burping contest hey Disney the kids who watch this six years ago already thought planking was tired Tron has a virus which woman tell me how that works with an arcade machine and furthermore if these two movies have taught me anything the arcade owner disposes of the machines as soon as it didn't goes wrong with him so why is he keeping Tron plugged in Oh in the service of one stupid joke movie yada yada is the entire line of logic that would explain how vanellope and Ralf got out of the Tron game like this appears to be the same night so what happened did Felix come out and let them out for 27 years I was in 2001 a friend we discussed the weirdness of different generations of video games with different advances in code easily moving in and out of every game they want because that's weird yeah also does nobody accept vanellope and Ralf wander from game to game in this arcade you don't see anybody else in other games unless it's a tapper character humorously misappropriates another sport when talking about playing another sport cliche this is what I used to tell my college roommate whenever I thought there was a possibility of coitus in my dorm room that night Lizzie wife well it's either wiffle ball or an arranged marriage game how would Ralf have any clue about arranged marriages I know I know it's a joke but it's a stupid joke given the context of the character the internet which is an online community where human beings go to shop so I'm explaining ya the glitch which stands there are glitched fans in this universe now oh this is presented as vanellope kicking everyone's ass in this game on a consistent basis but if the player who was controlling her sucks what happens then she's super popular so I assume she's very rarely an NPC that could dominate on her own and yeah she later takes the detour on her own but apparently that's the first time it's ever happened cool but isn't he supposed to be inside his game right now and the end of the last movie told us how popular it is now ever since Qbert characters got inside it funny how the Toy Story characters managed to live under one basic rule about not revealing themselves to humans and video game characters have none vanellope apparently likes the idea of a new track more than winning and she completely removes control of her character from the young people playing her game maybe the point is that they never had control but what if someone simply decided to stop play what they see vanellope continue hauling ass on the track and winning no no no how are they not seeing where I'll come into this picture on the screen here Penelope was the only viewable character during the race so they should all be clearly visible right Mary's camera you know I take my duty as your hero very seriously Duty part 2d how much that's more than this game makes in a year maybe you should put some Qbert characters into it we found some good homes for so many of our chums from sugar rush by the way what did happen to those Qbert characters from the last movie they are suspiciously not here anymore come along condiment that's racist why does your lame TV only have one channel other TVs and sugar rush the plate cable or some it's a miracle this world has a TV or other videogame characters that act and chose ye oh boy oh boy this goes on for a frustrating amount of time this is an important mission I won't cover for you yeah but a central character will still be missing from the game right wasn't this the main problem with the last movie apparently with currency that translates between very different games and is never explained shots okay connect to network Ralph and vanellope picked the perfect time to go to the Wi-Fi router as it just happens to be the very moment lip wackest turning it on and operating it also in the previous movie mister lip wax first name is Stan but on his nametag here it's clearly del the hell happened there let's Litwack arcade taken over by Stan's evil twin through this very strange arcane process vanellope and Ralph are shot through the internet you gotta get there somehow I suppose but even for a warped cartoon reality this seems like a stretch I know it seems like they're going super fast from their perspective but this is an aching Lee slow pace for data to travel for that reason I'll assume lit wax internet provider is Devin Lee Comcast you know a movie is in trouble when it looks like the same world from the emoji movie I know Ralph has to have a place he can break but why does the internet always have to be represented by some central city in TV and movies isn't the entire point that it's not centralized they never say thank you does the knows more search engine really not know how this works if someone actually said thank you to him that would be world chattering it's very intuitive just say bla bla bla movie the only reason Penelope is better at internetting than Ralph is is that she's playing a younger character I mean it's not like she's an actual spring chicken the whole reason they're here is because her old ass games been discontinued also can we discuss how incredibly convenient it is that back installed Wi-Fi in the arcade on the exact day that sugar rush broke oh isn't that cute twitter is being presented here is a nice world full of cute birds showing cat photos and not as a full-on bloodbath bird bath bloodbath of racism stupidity trolling stupidity and race pity if Google is proudly in this movie then why did they even need a nose more yes we know where to go we ever need a pair of goggles no seriously this is the best this movie could offer in this context I loved you wreck-it Ralph you were the animated chosen one well spider-man and his spider verse has the high ground I'm trying very hard and failing to figure out what all this foot traffic wandering aimlessly at eBay represents man just like pig and elephant DNA premature celebration and eBay definitely won't splice goddamn it movie if you're gonna be a Chappelle show skit ripoff at least show some balls and throw in some pole the beaver is a beautifully taxidermy beaver oh you that doesn't count the tortilla chips shaped like international superstar Beyonce Knowles goes for 400 now I know the movies trolling me since that ship would have gone for way more in real life not only is vanellope able to pick out this one unites them in the middle of all of this there just happens to be someone bidding on it right now and the auction is just about to run out Joker's the vanellope and Ralph have no idea how eBay works and they just think that's saying the biggest number wins not knowing its money and this auction itself doesn't even put a dollar sign in front of the current bit like it's actively trying to prevent them from figuring it out but they know about money tapper demanded it earlier for raus bar tab and well never says the dollar amount outloud he does balk at getting a new one and says that's more than this game makes in a year so contact clues even for video game characters should get them to figure this out we are set to ship one sugar rush steering wheel ooh a lip wax family fun land in Los Alamitos California and we don't need a real shipping address for that we tell our nation's delivery workers to just figure that out on their own I'll just need a credit card number eBay didn't even need the credit card before they started bidding or before they gave them an address to ship it probably because they wanted to destroy vanellope and Ralph's dreams after they thought they wanted wended vanilla peas glitching become tied to her anxiety I thought it was supposed to be a goddamn superpower not a nervous tic I got a guy in Des Moines Iowa will pay 40 grand for shanks car from a game called slaughter race someone is actually willing to pay 40 grand for a video game car it's amazing family doesn't get more business if there are people willing to shell out the amount of money it takes to get a real car did they seriously just walk here and are wandering through the game unattended like how long have they been walking where was the entrance to the game itself what are the rules of the travel in this movie look there it is movie I'm giving up with listing how many ways your absurdly convenient after the discovery of this super rare car within seconds of entering this game so here's ten extra sins to cover what I'm sure is a mountable for the rest of the runtime hey I think that might be sick Ralph is dumb sure and the movies making a joke here about him stating the obvious but is it suggesting that he just saw the big title card splash on the screen like we did Chris tells me there's no way that this screen wouldn't get cracked after being hit with a controller because of the results gathered from the wallet test hey shank did you ever wonder what it would be like if someone actually did get your car movie is making it sound like the community of players of this world's most popular game couldn't figure out how to get shanks car sharing information on what happens when you go inside the warehouse no way this whole thing is staged makes it look like well it might be difficult it's not a difficult as the movie is saying it is I'm here from the Department of noise right after an unsuccessful attempt to steal her car shrink entertains Ralph's silly ruse long enough for vanellope to try to steal it I thought her title card said her favorite weapon was smart I'm just I'm just a cop Baberaham Lincoln who was a hardcore gamer and was on the verge of stealing the most coveted item in the world's most popular game suddenly acts ridiculously timid just because Schenk got in the car and why she just started over it's not like she has anything to lose by standing up the shank bull you get the horns the round the Furious vanellope has the best car in the game and shank does not at this point it's just about speed and not technique so how the hell did she catch up to her so fast in some randos Hoopoe so out of the entire net no one else is playing this game right now or at least in this location seems like a pretty popular place but it's completely abandoned for the scene Jesus how much lucky is this shank not only knows what she needs to do to get past the fire but she apparently had all her other moves mapped out beyond that even though she couldn't see what the situation was on the other side even in video game world a car going in Reverse to catch up to this car going forward is a sick hit big boy with a blow and go love to wait what's the I guarantee you this is not what you'll find if you google blow and go there are much better ways to make money on the internet than stealing cars if this thing goes viral honestly between attempting to steal shanks car and trying to get videos to go viral on the internet for money which one is more difficult I'm gonna say getting videos to go viral also they need the money in like 24 hours try accumulating 27001 dollars in one day on YouTube through sheer advertising and no extortion everybody knows the video sharing site hell they've already literally shown the YouTube app when they first got to the Internet so why the didn't they just use that for the sea storage also just so I'm unclear these are NPCs in a singular video game that are making self aware viral videos for people in the real world by using web connected phones that are part of that game's digital environment do I have that wrong here to let you know your be expires in 8 hours when they try to checkout from ebay the bots said that they'd hold the item for 24 hours so holy it took them 16 hours to meet with family and do the whole slaughter race caper also what's happening back at the arcade if it has taken this long it's definitely open so how are they explaining Ralph's absence if we nickel and dime it with spanley it will take 20 years to make enough money to buy the wheel it's hilarious that family has videogame quests that can net 5 or 6 bucks or $40,000 and nothing between those values that could add up over very little time you are trending and these are for you heart guards it's like if Disney asked me specifically what I didn't want this movie to be and then made that exact movie your buddy account converts hearts into dollars meritocracies what if I made you a whole bunch of videos of me doing all kinds of crazy things you saturate the market that could get you a lot of hearts fast pretty sure this is not how it works but Kari Allen movie this is already exhausting I'm just copy whatever is popular yes yes was literally just poopoo in the derivative videos that maybe was showing her this movie cannot get out of its own way can it let's get to work I'm sorry is the algorithm for the site making content for the site I know we're anthropomorphizing a lot in this movie but this one scrambles my brain worse than that PCP I took a few hours ago I just threw my wallet and my ps4 controller at the screen the controller and the screen broke and once I paid to have the knee replace my wallet followed suit messy you super random video check it out dude like the dupe behind you can't just see this for himself on your screen every single [ __ ] in this office building is watching a different round video and while it serves your purpose for this one shot it's implausible and wrong and I hate it okay I'll give you five seconds to explain to me what this section of the movie is is it a satire about the vapid and banal videos that people will mindlessly consume the commentary on the ultimate futility of content creativity and rumination on the ubiquity of viral videos in the workplace I'm sorry your time is up we're gonna go with dumb montage that's a dumb montage we haven't been a part in like six years you know except for the majority of every day when they go off to play their respective games I'm being overly literal here of course but the movie makes it out to seem like they can't spend any time apart and that's definitely not true this really should have been titled we own all the things and wanted to remind you about that the movie also you got a handle to them for a sticking Dumbo in their city of Disney porn I'm surprised neon letters aren't embossed into his trunk saying coming in March this the vanellope runs into the Disney Princesses part of the movie is the best part unfortunately it feels like it's already been done by Shrek the third not better find you just done I literally want a steering wheel then why are you sitting around with all these delightful but unnecessary character considering there's got to be very little time before the item is released also at this point they know at least generally how eBay works so why wouldn't they just let the 27001 dollar bid expire and then go back in and bid on it again with the revenue they have from Ralph's videos is it so we can have an artificial deadline for this movie I think it's so we can have an artificial deadline for this movie Wow movie is saying that the algorithm for the site within the internet lost the connection to the Internet in which it's this happens shouldn't the world outside be falling apart this terrible Ralph goat video has an ungodly 130 million views in seven hours for reference ariana grande's thank you necks got fifty five point four million views in 24 hours and Ralph's gouchin anagen czar barely better than that song so give me a [ __ ] break Ralph spins the display with the goat video at one hundred and thirty million views and when we return it's sitting at three hundred and two million the idea of this amount of views more than doubling in three seconds is slim it's the comments section Ralph and none of those internet avatars are here despite the comments being currently added vanellope sings a place called slaughter race and I rolled the [ __ ] out of my eyes when the song started but it's awesome everything that this movie should have been smart subversive pointed relevant I'm gonna finally take a sin off or something it's the Sequoia Speedway how did the Nile pee get to slaughter a so quickly she was all the way out in Disney town just a few minutes ago right and isn't she's supposed to be in yes his personal browsing history I'm sick of trying to figure out the rules in this movie especially considering it's almost 75% through can I tell you something that I don't think I could ever tell Ralph he's behind me isn't he I wanted to wait until this very moment to say this how dangerous is it really alone if you get in a wreck do you feel pain and if you do for how long can you even die so fair way to do something like that's a slaughter race he's talking about a virus but let's review this sharing a video game character from a 1980s arcade hit somehow transported himself via electrical cables into a router which sent him to the Internet where he met this pop-up add names family together without any human interference whatsoever they'll create a virus and somehow mess up slaughter race that innocent I don't know what is this dude is a virus making machine Wow low pump lives down here thank you your system I mean oh sure all the villains give away their super dangerous and valuable malware completely free especially in the dark with hang on vanellope just straight abandoned ralph with no explanation she seriously doesn't think he'll notice she's gone especially since she agreed to meet him at ebay like two hours ago I don't care she's stalling because he's gonna be upset that's completely out of character deliver the car to purge chop shop but watch out for shank and her crew considering the shank is generally considered unbeatable because this movie has told us she is does that mean no one's gotten past this part of the game either I mean stealing her car is one thing but getting through a normal everyday level let's not forget this is a massively popular game and that people would be wondering how the hell the obscure character from sugar rush got here without the programmers doing anything in security distributing insecurity the most harmful aspect of this virus is its need to vocalize everything it does will be fine but your code isn't part of this game we got to get you out of here now this would be a hazard even if there wasn't a virus attacking insecurities in the game a server reboot often does that happen during an online games life like a lot right luckily for vanilla Peas chances of survival the virus progresses through the game right behind her kind of like the Deep Freeze in The Day After Tomorrow when you can predict that a protagonist fight before the climax of the movie cliches gonna happen before you even watch the movie you shouldn't have that cliche in your movie the virus was still in the game when slaughter race rebooted right so why is it allowed to continue virus along after the fact raus heavy hands uncover heavy-handed symbolism breaking news the internet is under assault how did that giant TV with full volume come from certainly hasn't been on during this whole movie 28,000 Ralphs later world war are followed them you mean you weren't in the lead because how the [ __ ] did you get past a million Ralph's to get inside here sort of a codependent Pied Piper situation we know a Pied Piper yeah the Ralph's are drawn to vanellope so why did they need yes to be the Pied Piper can't they get into any vehicle and as long as the vanellope is in it they can lead the rouse to the antivirus chamber yes I forgot to tell Ralph at when you break the internet you don't literally have to break the internet role Ralphie's I mean dude obviously made some real questionable choices here but he also made a beep pun to save his best friend's game so what can I say a kid life's complicated this is the worst part of this movie by far because the story means to balance Ralph's catastrophic actions yes brings up the fact that he did something really embarrassing and stupid to save vanellope 'he's game but he doesn't get to about the game all he cares about is vanellope being around possessing her so to speak it's what all his dialogue and actions have revealed about his character I never said I didn't want to be your they said you were acting like a bad friend oh really then what was this scene then you threw the heart necklace away you told him you were going in wherever he wasn't told him not to follow you and told him to leave you alone I admit there wasn't a I don't want to be your friend in there but it's a far cry from what you're saying it was and you were right to feel that way Oh premature celebration aside how the do a bunch of giant Ralph's catch up to this speeding vehicle all the individual Ralph's combined to form one giant insecure Ralph because that makes total sense that means beyond their destructive feelings for vanellope they also have creepy vault Roenick desires King Ralph is distracted by real Ralph despite its singular vanellope focus what the stakes here is the internet really in danger especially since the wrath of Ralph's is solely focused on pursuing vanellope can ralph really be killed by King Ralph well any of this matter by the time the inevitable third entry titled wreck-it is introduced so was the rest of the Internet cool it was previously overrun with all the routes but now that they've coalesced into one giant figure I guess all the shit's back online and the virus that's loose in the entire Internet didn't find any other insecurities to duplicate in the entire Internet oh I just realized something these Ralph's are essentially one gigantic human centipede just gotta trust her cuz that's what best friends do I'd like everyone to remember that this is a 100% insecure embodiment of Ralph's codependency and somehow it was able to be reasoned with okay it's a big strong man in need of rescuing princess machina yeah okay this Disney Princesses rescued the day montage she's pretty funny and sometimes clever but movie has spent any goodwill it had left on that giant roffels also this is an absurdly complicated plan to save one falling dude like just send the carpet to catch him or have the ice slide reach all the way to the ground or million other things that would work more easily you know she ain't a did they call it an if he thinks the programmers of slaughter race must be damn proud of themselves to create a goddamn sentient video game character that can change programming code if anyone investigates this they found news equaling the discovery of alien life this wave seen last 25 seconds but I assure you and outlast the ending of The Return of the King even though we got that steering wheel and save sugar rush that's never really gonna be the same um yeah the most popular character in the game has mysteriously left it and nobody noticed this how on earth did you tame those things clearly it's granny law Jesus does Jane Lynch have to do this in every movie the bunny gets cake no line this is terrifying this is supposed to be an amusing credit scene and the bunny goddamn pops the worst Marvel ever did was made people aware schwarmann exists you want me to give you the number of a different cable company that can all wait we're it aren't we like doesn't the very nature of our existence make you wonder if there's more to life than this you've gotta keep living man Li VI in that kid sweet I will take a break and she'll quit the drugs yeah do it oh I've been praying about this day for so long what did you just put in your mouth [Music] let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system well you meet you nice to meet you mo don't say mo the Internet can also be a place where you find a steering wheel at one website or play Mortal Kombat with your friends get dumb [Applause]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 4,697,316

Rating: 4.8745093 out of 5

Keywords: cinema sins, wave jockey job, review, eww, everything wrong with, wreck-it ralph, movie, cinemasins, wreck it ralph, mistakes, ralph breaks the internet

Id: kvVc0dZyYeY

Length: 21min 0sec (1260 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 19 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/SailorSaturn79]

🎶 in this place called Slaughter Race 🎵

This movie had some adult themes to it. Sometimes I wonder if Disney is more for adults than kids.

[u/ROBOT_B9]

I really hated the Oh My Disney scene. It felt less like self-deprecation and more like Disney glorifying themselves on the big screen.

I loved that Twitter callout.

[u/ilrosewood]

I know this movie is flawed and I know the guys hate it.

I still loved it.

I’m so broken

[u/jacquarrius]

Loved the wallet breaking the TV sin, I just listened to that podcast the other day

[u/BrooklynSwimmer]

Im sorry the end princess scene was worth the whole movie (imho). I’m happy they didn’t spoil it in trailers.

[u/Isaac_Chade]

I enjoyed this movie. It had it's ups and downs and it definitely wasn't as good as the first. But it was definitely still fun and interesting and I loved some of the scenes so much. Pretty much everything with the Disney princesses was great, and that end credit scenes was horrifying and funny, at least to me.