Everything Wrong With Sonic the Hedgehog In SEGA Minutes Or Less

[Music] Asch another sequel to the ring tomorrow crawl through the Sega Genesis this time if so she's gonna be pixely this is 22 golden Cheerios circling your logo not to turn my hatred of this 48 second waste of my life it only makes me hungry and I don't wanna get up to snatch Jesus you think you have enough clout to sport a long ass marvel style opening logo at the beginning of your movie I have to say that's some shoots pop especially for a system whose second best movie adaptation is another second game adaptation House of the Dead holy you guys should not be leaning into the self-serving logo of this art so I know what you're thinking wow you knew that I was thinking that's starting your movie at the end only to rewind and show how I got here and actually start the movie a few minutes later was a cheap and lazy storytelling device also sign up the narration and I never had to catch a school bus because I could run across the entire island in less than two seconds through Sonic can go wherever the hell he wants on this island which makes me wonder who else besides his maternal figure and the butthole Eragon is live here that's a pretty [ __ ] Big Island for just a few people also there was no school I know pretty sweet Island right education shaming sonic someone could have seen you know too fast if Longclaw doesn't want anyone to see sonic run maybe rethink the structures of this island that are very clearly tailored to sonic powers who else is gonna zip through a loop any loop or rock it up this ramp without dying you have a power unlike anything I've ever seen and that means someone will always want it mentor character spills super-important about main character's powers but only on their deathbed cliche also a lady loan Clause should warn Sonic about accidentally shedding his Hedgehog needles because this ends up being the only way anyone can access his unlimited power never stop running a mixed bag of mixed messages to be sending this adolescent alien Hedgehog don't run because they'll find you followed by never stop running so they don't find you I think the takeaway listen for the kids watching will be that it don't have no clue what they're doing so find a magic portal and escape whenever you can what is every parent up to die in an animated kids movie did Walt Disney's disembodied head have a secret meeting with his staff and any future directors of animated films and threaten them with his evil psychic powers if they kept on alive I know Sheriff Tom it's kind of half-assing at these days but what a hideout for a speed trap anyone coming from the side of the sign would easily see the front of the cruiser and slow down and there's no way he can get off radar reading on until it does cross the sign not to mention his nose is sticking all the way out in the freaking road so he's endangering any approaching motorists the radar gun can comfortably sit in the window and function perfectly why go through all the trouble to aim it at all grab a Sudoku book and wait for the beeper to beep better idea wiggle your wangle also okay even at 296 miles per hour Tom would be able to see sonic approaching and running bot especially on a flat stretch a road like this that's fast but it ain't that fast 296 is indy car fast you can clearly see then shoots during a race pal if he couldn't see him coming he could sure see him going since he's looking right after him and thus begins the magical blue MacGuffin that fuels a decent chunk of this movie why does sonic only shed this one quill this entire movie and presumably his entire life within easy finding distance of the local sheriff only God fate and the screenwriters can sort that she also Tom clearly went to the Fantastic Four school picking up potentially alien things with your bare hands as soon as you come across the chair he's no scientist but he is a lawman one who just went through a rigorous application to be an actual police officer this isn't blind that the turtle wants to go fast Turtles are down with being slow man haven't you ever heard about the [ __ ] Tortoise and the hare or at least seen a Comcast commercial wait even if he can run fast when did we ever get the indication that Sonic could speed read pan sure maybe he's just blowing through them since he's read them before but that's just bad comic book according to Sonic's handy-dandy map he's visited a lot of unsafe planets which is confusing considering Longclaw clearly told him that she was sending him to a safe world and I guess that means Longclaw probably deserved to die this whole sequence of staring at the map and then using a ring to solemnly look in another world makes no sense first off he's wasting a ring one of the rings that we were specifically told were his most prized possessions second we learned later that all you have to do is think of a place in the portal will open Sonic somehow possess his previous knowledge of the mushroom planet and all the planets listed on this map where did this knowledge come from movie skips right over that and that's just to fill in the blanks my favorite person is the donut lord geez starting at the end of the movie parental figure dying primary character narration and now cop eating a donut I feel like without Jim Carrey this movie would literally annihilate the cliche ohmmeter and we just got that thing fixed after the brutal beating it took from the emoji movie I understand he has to keep hidden but this is starting to get legitimately creepy I don't care if he is an alien Hedgehog he's also a hormonal teenager watching a beautiful woman do yoga from behind there is one person in town who's actually on to me one one person who is on to blue street zooming out of my ass and broad daylight sonic at this point the entire town would believe in the blue devil and his legend would have advanced to the point where parents were telling their kids to go to sleep or the blue streak will zip out of the darkness and steal your toys he call this me the blue devil I almost caught him last night I gotta say I do agree with this blind hatred of Blue Devils for some reason I can't put my finger on oh you are a national treasure sonic the peeper is loudly talking to himself on the other side of the window and if he's hearing the movie that's clearly how is no one hearing him how is the dog call dear Thomas we have reviewed your application to the San Francisco Police Department you see in movies good or bad news could only be delivered by reading a mailed letter aloud in front of nervous family members and one of those apartments for rent I found on Zillow what a weird product placement man this is like if Tom just whipped on an obviously labeled white claw to celebrate the job placement it's gonna be tough to leave my hometown and all my friendships even if I hadn't seen this movie before I would definitely know this speech as a Fugazi god I really litter this entire movie with obvious moments like this that take it from being truly awesome to just being watchable you think sergeant sprinkles I think your sunglasses are going to be a nasty and your doughnut tastes of metallic paper clips get a friend I guess this kid has the same shine as Jacob Tremblay character and dr. sleep hope he doesn't have to walk 2.5 miles home through a cornfield I hear that's pretty dangerous and B hey that's an actual city sin John don't even use that wait so no one turned the lights on after the game and they left all this equipment behind did the Commissioner of this little league go off for a bender after a nail-biter of a playoff game or something goddamn the people who run this league or Dick's kid from Green Hills hits a three-run walk-off dinger to win a playoff game but no one could be bothered to update a scoreboard afterward he even pulled that on a full count you're telling me they won't even let him snap a selfie of that trip after the game sonic gets ed and runs around the bases until he causes an EMP no I totally remember that being part of the original game I can't believe you're bringing that freak into this neither can i but we have no choice you know oh we have no choice bull removing but especially this one this man suggested bringing the fifth and sixth regiment whatever the fad means 30 seconds ago literally offering another choice just say you want to find an excuse to introduce Jim Carrey's next eccentric character and let's get on with it tell him his men report to mean Brad every black isn't this information that Bennington would immediately check out Robotnik is spouting all this [ __ ] but it's not like he's actually shown he's in charge of anything all he did was flash a barcode at the major for [ __ ] sake in other words this works do you see anything useful in this image nothing at all doctor besides a fully formed footprint near the scene of a cataclysmic event that disabled a quarter of the country you don't see anything useful in that this guy something oh girl I mean we know it's a guy but at this point it could be a girl or an it mushroom planet here I come somewhere else the fact that the enemy is right outside is the very reason to activate the portal ring and go through immediately good plot device god someone forgot to read the horrible list of side effects when they took a massive overdose of their for reasons pills side effects include irritability that lasts the remainder of the film an immediate feeling of dissatisfaction and overall growing lack of respect for the writers of the film and an increasing lack of interest in source material with Jojo and Rachel um you are coloring Jojo is clearly playing with LEGOs including building this massive spaceship and she's working at a much higher grade level than you really have some iPhone the ones that came with it in the Olive Garden because when you're there your family mother these weird-ass product placements now they're saying the exact catchphrases from the commercials I'm gonna start singing the Liberty Mutual theme next I'm adding 30 more sins for this weird product placement uh yeah I don't know I think it'd look less threatening if he had a giant set of teeth I demand that the effects team go back now and fix the design so I can watch the sonic of my dreams damn it sonic isn't fast enough to dodge a [ __ ] tranquilizer dart tsunami he doesn't know what guns are he's been here for ten years ten years this bag is such a shifty little sonic pulled a ring out of it didn't close it and yet as it falls the bag is clearly clamped shut but earlier when it gets knocked over by weeping pong ball all the contents came spilling out for narrative convenience you can talk yep cuz not much has changed since it spoke to you in the shed a few minutes ago you know when it read San Francisco off your shirt right after clearly exclaiming ow after taking a dark of the leg is this your mothership not in the mood to get probed why does Tom immediately assume sonic is an alien sure he can talk and doesn't look like most animals or humans but he's got a pretty [ __ ] animal and human-like features and is even wearing shoes why wouldn't he think he's at least from a weird part of earth like Ohio but you have to help me no I don't why well my legs which normally would be classified as lethal weapons be like spaghetti well everything about Sonic his speech aren't movements and brainpower have returned completely to normal after the tranquilizer but its legs won't work that's such lazy screen where anything that might have been left over from a recent Star Wars script you're from the Power Company oh you must know my buddy Spencer we play softball together ah Spence he's good bad even a socially awkward as he is there's no way an actual genius like Robotnik would fall for an easy trick like this oh now this movies ripping off et has it no shame why are there multiple scanners up in the attic it's a pretty big house right not to mention that there's a lot of land outside that the perpetrator could have escaped to they need a hard target search damn it they should be checking every gas station residence warehouse farmhouse henhouse outhouse and doghouse in that area god damn it another movie with armed drones bad boys for life and spider-man far from home have taught me anything it's that I hate you know I'm drones topical humor that will be outdated by the time this movie hits the basic cable networks I just saw a guy race out of here in thoughts that you should stop them nice opportunity for Jim Carrey to choose scenery but they can't have gotten far right and aren't there only like three roads in this town could may be pursuing Tom and Sonic right now instead of Robotnik wasting time being a smarmy butthole okay pal out you go so you're telling me that Tom assaulted a government agent escaped certain death with the help of Sonic load it up in the truck and absconded with what he thinks is an alien creature drove all the way out of town and once the alien tells a perfectly plausible alien story he tries to kick him out of the truck the kind of reaction is this so as I into the cold dark water of the Pacific okay look I need to know how fast Sonic is well 10 is a big state but even if they're on the far west side of it it would be at least 400 miles each way to reach the Pacific Ocean and radar previously clocked him at 296 miles per hour but he did this at least 800 mile journey in seconds let's let us know what his powers are movie we can handle math I promise also Sonic seems to know an awful lot about our world means he'd know about the internet and Google Maps and all that so why can't ask Tom with the pointy building in San Fran it's called looking up on Tom's phone and boom he's there and in seconds and I don't have to watch the rest of this movie all in favor I'm wet I'm cold there's a fish on my head I could buy that he's cold but there's no way he's still wet or that the fish would have stayed on his head during the journey considering the speed he was going stay in the car I don't want anybody seeing you great idea sonic has been shown to have incredible patience and the ability to do what he's told and there's no reason whatsoever to take him to the phone booth with you come on over to the wild can't resist temptation party nor all lead characters are lured by excitement and danger you'll know a CRT party when they conveniently appear out of the window when all was quiet moments ago you right in the ear Tom not only did you not lock the doors or set the alarm on your truck while you went to do your business you didn't even roll the windows up you really think this alien Hedgehog is gonna follow the stern warning with all these escape possibilities what can I get you fellas playing off that this is a kitna mask is ridiculous Sonic's blinking eyes are as large as the waitresses lady lumps why does no one freak out about this well he he's actually 43 years old and then suffers four very rare skin disease this makes him look like like that also known as the Scooby Doo and obvious and terrible disguise defense which has worked a shocking amount of times and now that I'm leaving Earth forever I guess I missed my chance but why I leave Earth forever when there are so many places to relocate he could say anywhere on earth and start over Delhi Whistler beckoned or search down Branson [ __ ] Missouri for all I care okay first off no one notices this bull this bar is full of belligerent large drunks and no one notices the supersonic dirt-throwing or the damages to all those Corona extras awesome how in the ever-loving does this poor lady survive this she should be full of more holes than Sonny Corleone at the [ __ ] toll stop I don't care that the movies ripping off a bunch of other movies that do this Super Sonic sequence but I do care that there's not enough time to take a selfie with his [ __ ] speed at which Sonic as traveling would mean the aperture would be relatively open for this entire stunt not taking a full photo this quickly also here's one of the main issues with this scene in general son it creates this Rube Goldberg trap for everyone in the bar except Cyclops like he's done this hundreds of times like with Quicksilver and x-men we figured he had pulled some of these pranks before and had honed his craft we think Sonic's ever done something like this what a waste in spring of 2020 these dudes would be selling for 3,700 apiece you it doesn't matter your server made a special case to get you into this bar got shop full of darts then had all our customers and nyle at each other hope you're happy when she can't make rent has two poor kids out of school so they can start fencing watches on the street and only then they can have a lukewarm dinner of macaroni and cheese once per week damn it if only we had Motor Vehicles we could use to chase these bastards down this incredibly straight road ha well let's head back inside and head up another round of appletinis and suddenly we have two bucket lists as this clearly is not the same one that we were shown two minutes ago this is a massive continuity error all because we're supposed to catch feelings about Sonic wanting a friend I just want to know when he dressed up like Elvis or why calling in to a radio station is still a thing wykowski accused of committing an act of domestic terrorism holy sudden volume increased news position Batman this TV has such perfect timing it has to be on on the plot to frame Tom judging by the quickest route to San Francisco the approximate speed of their vehicle hang on how the hell did Robotnik know they were going to San Francisco even though they threatened the big dude at the bar he didn't know where the hell they were headed maybe there was a deleted scene that showed someone in the bar who knew I just didn't give any thought to this did that I'm gonna move to San Francisco become a street cop tom is clearly delusional he's a fugitive now and there's zero chance he'd be dreaming of the streets of San Francisco he'd be crushed that his dreams aren't coming true I mean if he were real which he isn't man wait how did Robotnik's set up this enormous tank at some Rando California entrance ramp so quickly I was wrong about you do not the donut Lord at all you're more like the jerk floor accusing someone of not being a hero while they are actively keeping a harpoon vehicle safely on the streets so you stay alive oh sweet it's that vintage sonic maneuver where he blew it up by rolling into a ball actually think that's part of the game but I honestly don't remember since I was either too young or too high when I played it to remember the details if I don't make it just touch me you seem good at that God adolescent sonic is almost as big of a dick as team Groot from the guardians of the galaxy I feel like all these machines were exceptionally easy to kill like if this actually was a video game we'd be set on the beginner level for sure not only does Tom do nothing to stop his laser arm drone from cutting his car in half he keeps driving Zach so what's wrong with him he just passes out until they get to San Francisco then magically wakes up and it's fine again bombs do weird things to characters in movies man sometimes I'll blow your arm clean off sometimes they'll just knock the wind out of you for several hours even from the same distance why would the quill be lighting up like one of those glow sticks you get at raves right now I thought it only responded when Sonic got all hot and bothered right now he's firmly on ice no I'm calling Jesus seems the only character trait poor Rachel was given was really hey it's Tom hilarious vintage Jim Carrey sequence which wouldn't look out of place during his stand-up heyday back in the late 80s and it's so good to have this off-the-wall Jim Carrey back that I have to remove the sit having said that this is totally a Jim Carrey sequence having almost nothing to do with dr. Robotnik as a character except that he's also harvesting the power of Sonic's quilt so as endearing as this is I'll probably just go back to watching an old-school YouTube videos of Carrie's stand up instead does Rachel dude that she can afford this huge ass house in San Francisco I'm not doubting she can and does make serious Bank but have you seen the prices in San Francisco he'd have to be Elon Musk to be a little for this kitchen alone Jojo untie your mother Jojo I know they had to get the sister out of the picture but these bunch of cords wouldn't hold an unruly a third-grader man not that I've tried or anything I'm just estimating I have human smelling salts in my human first-aid kit first off why does Maddie a veterinarian carry around a human first-aid kit that's accessible at a moment's notice second off whoo this has [ __ ] smelling salts in a first-aid kit at kits for like gauze and antibiotic ointment and stuff does she also have an adrenaline needle in there in case Vincent Vega brings an overdose gangsters wife over to replace in the middle of the night and that's the story of how sonic received his iconic shoes forget that at any point in the movie he could have stolen them from the town along with all the other stolen sugar whatever you rummaged from the garbage in his cave no one's ever given me a gift before oh yeah what about your mother figure Longclaw who literally gave up her life for you to be safe that's not good enough for you anything you didn't hit why did we let the and enjoy why indeed on purpose did this served the story at all Tom drove them all the way from Montana but leaves it up to Sonic to drive through San Francisco which by the way is impossible in the best of circumstances no good you need a special key to get to the roof it's almost like the movie creators thought we'd forget that in the first minute of the movie we saw a sonic scalability how much longer I keep breathin here do you have your child in that bag just to be clear nothing ever comes out of this child in a bag moment meaning the two adults who think they have discovered a toddler inside a bag to not report the incident but rather slink away into the background like the cowards they are look I know we're playing fast and loose with the rules and I don't really know the security situation with the big pointy skyscraper in San Francisco but i guarante goddamn TU it is not that easy to walk out onto this roof without anyone noticing this faux gabbai takes so long that they could have had time to send an invitation to dr. Robotnik via snail mail have him RSVP show up for some tasteful yet evil formal attire then gather up his troops to meet them all at this location he didn't prep all that ahead of time al this is as dumb as how long it takes for the Death Star to warm up before it except a planet sonic goes in and out of consciousness more than Logan at the end of his movie why doesn't the sonic follow his friends through the portal he throws the portal ring in front of him and below his pals and they fall through the portal and he misses it did he run around the portal I will assume it closed instantly and if so can anything in this movie follow its own goddamn rules so here we are again yes back at the annoying crutch of narration that got someone walked into the editing booth and said whoa that's the same spot where we started the movie let's wear all that red narrations back Robotnik should no burn to cause Sonic to do his super smash brother altima pose face now he's gonna reignite that long just a ting Sega Nintendo Feud me they are killing more innocent city dwellers than the Avengers lost visual contact dr. Eggman relies so heavily on his robotic superiority that I find it impossible to believe he doesn't have an energy sensor diddly whopper on his dashboard that would give him the upper hand throughout this entire chase sequence why in the goddamn hell would Sonic lead him back to green hills sure the menfolk are tough and the women are true and stern but what about like space cat sonic survived in space can he lead Robotnik to an entire other world before now why does it have to be earthbound and why the hell does have to be green [ __ ] Hills oh yeah Sonic is dead again bummer I guess I don't know clap a bunch and see if he comes back to life honestly lost track of what does and doesn't harm him at this point also now would be definitely a very good time to mourn the not real death of Sonic you know while a crazy man has a weapon that can blast holes through deputy pew pew and the chainsaw no no take your time we'll wait he's my friend oh my god the power of friendship brought him back to life sweet I mean I don't know why he had to go all supersonic to send Robotnik to the Mushroom Kingdom especially considering all he needed was a ring but given the circumstances I guess I'll celebrate like Doc Brown at the end of back to the future solo sonic baseball game earlier may have been the most genuine the emotional moment in this entire movie some of the greatest sin by far is Sonic excluding a high-five from his plot dominant bucket-list we can never go back there I mean are we because it kind of feels like we're at home we have but first clear up that whole I'm a terrorist wanted by every government agency in the country thing does anyone care about that surprisingly clever line coming from man who can barely remember to breathe and swallow no 2nd best animal friends allowed in my room and so the nasty roof people live happily ever after with Sonic in the Attic and the family dog who apparently can climb the Attic stairs to get to the family nothing makes sense nobody cares movie is over oh it's not over mm-hmm and so the insane villain lives off hallucinogenic mushrooms convinced he will find a way to return to Earth for revenge we all know that won't happen until he's gained 75 pounds and looks like an actual egg and it turns out that is difficult when you have the seal of Simon Rutz this movie is nowhere near epic enough for three endings okay fine and so King tale shows up for those dense enough to not realize that this movie is riddled with nods to a sequel and hopefully in that movie we will find out how the [ __ ] he managed to get a pair of red sneakers just like Sonic's the king and kiddies we of that foot will haunt my dreams forever did you know the cinemas and writers have podcast checkouts in cast and behind the sins by searching for cinema sins wherever you listen to podcasts this is the island where I'm from it had everything sandy beaches geeks Sherpas a Jamaican nurse wearing a shower cap I did it congratulations you played yourself the future is now soon every American home will integrate their televisions folding computer listen mister doctor mister doctor it's strange maybe that's a road trip I think my legs might be broken all right Eggman let's get who the hell do you think you are star-lord

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 2,565,218

Rating: 4.7999287 out of 5

Keywords: everything wrong with, eww, cinemasins, cinema sins, movie, review, movie review, everything wrong with sonic the hedgehog, eww sonic the hedgehog, sonic the hedgehog, sonic the hedgehog movie, jim carrey, sonic, hedgehog, sonic the hedgehog review, sonic the hedgehog full movie, sonic movie, sonic 2020

Id: 6ustw7OTMBY

Length: 22min 38sec (1358 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 16 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Imagine how many sins there would be if they used the original design.

[u/carortiz3]

Great job CinemaSins

[u/mdhunter99]

When I saw this pop up on my phone I got excited.

[u/birdmansucked]

Was there a Da 5 Bloods reference in this?

[u/tundrat]

A few good points here and there like always, but seemed a bit more harsh than I was expecting. It felt like there was a lot of passion and love for the franchise in this movie. With the exception of whoever ordered the initial Sonic design.

[u/kisik21]

oops, taken down because of a copyright strike... isn't that supposed to be fair use?

[u/carortiz3]

Your the best bro

[u/carortiz3]

I'm your biggest fan 👍👍👍