Everything Wrong With Minions In 15 Minutes Or Less

[Music] this minion Dorcas trick kicks off wall-to-wall movie min sanity G's movie he can't wait five seconds before you start minion adjust bring on the min pocalypse already also like this is what terrified parents were worried about suffering through for 90 minutes very nice of illumination to make it clear from the beginning those fears were justified Comcast all those fans of look who's talking that thought all movies had been missing over the last 30 years we're opening credits involving the conception and birth of a species with a 60s pop song backing track had those fan petitions finally paid off minion roll narrations minions have been on this planet far longer than we have and yet they've evolved into a compulsively subservient species rather than advance according to Darwinian launch it also did the minions evolve their trademark goggles or make them and if so out of what man for that matter or why weren't the underwater creatures who could see throughout their entire first stages dear God are we even two minutes in yet that one is Norbit he's an idiot that's racist they all share the same goal to serve the most despicable master they could find so the producers of this movie then why did the minion skirts change from full skirts to just loin leaves for the animation teams of the different segments not allowed to talk to each other it wasn't easy for these guys but they never gave up clearly somehow they managed to survive the extinction of an entire species can't blame this one just on the minions right even if they thought it would somehow stay upright why would they be celebrating in this exact spot a new master had a tendency to party all night and sleep all day I swear to God I just broke out into a cold sweat thinking this might be some sort of Hotel transylvanian mashup this would be the peanut butter and chocolate of immature CG kids flicks except the ingredients are and more Reese's feces why would a vampire sleep in a room with a giant window in the first place seriously started to think the minions are getting a bad rap here this is the entire movie in a snow shell stupidity followed by laughter over and over and over and over again it's like if Seinfeld did an entire episode where Kramer just kept manically entering rooms where do you go when you need relief from the comic relief he would not return until you have found his tribe the biggest baddest villain deserves so are we seriously rooting for these little bastards they've been in here for enough time that like they could be trying to recruit Hitler right try putting that in the kids movie so what exactly is the distinction and minions were between the one-eyed and the [ __ ] is that their gender differentiation and if so I'm assuming the one-eyed monster is the male ian feels like i should give the movie credit for going almost nine minutes without a fart joke but still a fart joke Kevin felt pride narration the movie continues as we are now ten minutes into this thing with nothing more than uninteresting narrated backstory minion gibberish and the occasional pratfall in fact let's just tack on 50 sins here for the ton of illumination also Jesus jumping gibberish whose idea was it again to Center a movie around characters that don't actually talk would be the equivalent of DreamWorks releasing a Galaxy Quest spin-off with the thermians speaking in their native language for 90 minutes yes the banana joke is a recurring bit and maybe was funny at some point the overused shtick aside where the did Stewart get a fresh banana no one will be seated during the minions walking across different types of terrain portion of the movie hungry castaway he sees people as types of delicious food cliche I guess these quads took their geographical strategy from the actual Despicable Me movies they were somehow able to row from wherever the [ __ ] they were in the permafrost all the way to New York City and there were no ships milling about until right now Friday the 13th part 8 minions take Manhattan even in 1968 especially in 1968 I'm not buying that the water outside of Manhattan is this clean this Nixon jerk must have killed with the under 10 historical politician crab this movie is banana in my brain - the banana through green I'm adding another 20 sins for the banana of it I guess the purpose of those goggles are finally revealed and it's solely to provide a zoom and enhance cliche is this a changing room I mean I know things were different in the 60s but how did they build changing rooms big enough to dress elephants also how is there no sign out front to keep randoms from wandering it you're telling me and literally the entirety of history that these yellow dumb Marines have existed they've never learned how to mirror ok not only that the announcer ladies see one of the minions walking around and did nothing about it there's no overnight security at this [ __ ] highfalutin department store I'll give the movie credit for picking three shows that could have been on prime-time at the same time in 1968 but both the dating game and bewitched were on ABC and therefore could not have been airing at the same time also what are the chances each time they change the channel it's at the exact moment the title car for the show comes up I'm calling banana gates also also what fancy department store in the 60s sold popcorn sodas villain Network channel and by top secret you mean so easy to find 3 min kamp oops accidentally there way to it by using an umbrella and a blender got it also how convenient that they turned it on right at the beginning of the expositional part of today's broadcast schedule so what's up with the up skirt though was this movie directed by Zack Snyder then also directed by Joss Whedon how did this black and white newscast all the sudden out of color Despicable Me franchise continues its overt assault on physics providing zero explanation about how the minions get on top of the Brooklyn Bridge I hate laugh tracks but at least if this movie had one I'd know when the movie itself thinks it's being funny growing boy like creatures needs their strength why are the minions so freaked out about mrs. Nelson and her knife don't they enjoy being around potential villainy it was their whole thing if this family has actual guns and bazookas why not use those instead of that paintball peashooter that jams easily pigtails I know even more than the next guy that movies have to exposition but hyperactive child exposition is now officially my least favorite way to go about it we're here for so much fun it's a crime what happens if a nom villain-con attendee pulls up behind a villainous Winnebago while that's going down one of these water mind looking ceiling decorations that no one will even see and what the hell is this [ __ ] wrench for Lou he tries to be clever about its grew and Nefario cameo here but of course can't wait to grew all over our faces even more before it's over oh they don't golf guys let's say we grant the time-travel works this way why would their disappearances be staggered and why would it be on delay even the time travel in this movie is trying to have a sense of [ __ ] comedic timing when I started out people said a woman could never rob a bank as well as a man well times change who knew that minions was sandy B's prep work for ocean's 8 there's no way that overly excited gil friend here a believes this or B would jump up and shout about it or see how is this even supposed to be funny why they are all these villains many of whom are famous enough to be featured in magazines clamoring to work for another villain loner lone gunman get it that's the whole point all these villains and yet I still have the bear stuffed bear why am i holding a bear because the movie needed Bob to cough up the Ruby so that they'd be your henchman now as to how it actually happened that you ended up holding a bear and Bob ended up swallowing a ruby the movie is too busy trying to get from point A to point T to actually care enough to explain anything from F to you singing in the rain how dare you move II swear on the ghost of Gene Kelly there is more humor and one single Donald O'Connor pratfall than the entirety of this movie the nerve damn there are several casual deaths in this movie and this is probably the casual list good ol Big Ben how would we ever know which movies happened in London without you I love it because I love I know this is the illumination aesthetic for drawing humans but I can't stop thinking that a 69 between these two would be potentially lethal checking out my kin ham-handed ham handily hatches horrible hammy humor yes we've reached the out of Hope and aimlessly wandering phase of this minions movie haven't I already seen this in the fourth season of The Walking Dead not only is the entrance to the super secret control room unlocked it's got automatic doors so you have no choice but to discover that also how is the wall of Technology even supposed to be used why would you have monitors gauges and buttons 20 feet out of your reach in sight even in 1968 people were aware that being in the same room with something leaking radiation was not a good thing right I don't know don't say anything I won't understand we could have said it better ourselves sandy we couldn't have said it better ourselves the wolf offered the three piggies and all their friends a job working for her but how exactly the Scarlett know that there are more minions all the three little piggies had to do was just steal one little crown wait didn't we already get this bit of exposition about stealing the crown earlier exposition me once shame on you exposition me twice I won't get exposition again good luck getting that crown tomorrow little piggies I know you won't disappoint me but their henchmen then she's the master criminal so they're very likely to disappoint her why wouldn't Scarlett have any ideas or plans to share with them and or why isn't she the one pulling off the heist and having them assist her where needed [Music] whoa movie if you're gonna pretend to be self-aware enough to make a location card gag you're gonna have to start actually explaining how these same minions have existed since the beginning of time but if the person that's being hypnotized can't understand what the Hypnotizer is saying then how is one hypnotized movie it's time for this or movie finds this funny take your pick yeah I wish this was a question someone brought up in the writers room for this movie I get they're small but there is 0% chance this was big enough of space for all three of them to hide even in a film that repeatedly says yet this is an animated movie so whatever guts why wouldn't you use these go-go minion arms and legs to simply reach out and grab the crown all right because this movie prioritizes silliness over anything that makes a lick of sense jeez movie spider-man too much is this scene gonna end with an unconscious Bob crowd-surfing in the carriage Bob who appears to be a bald jaundiced child fine okay that was actually funny but if you think you're getting a sinner move for one good joke you've got another sin coming which but didn't Bob do exactly what scarlet wanted him to do when stealing the crown not sure I understand all this hostility Wow are we really filling time right now with this exodus of the minion Knights nonsense why am I supposed to care about how the rest of these fellow yellows make it to English discount Ethan Hunt so I guess they had these yellow hats available on the off-chance a minion would poke King Arthur's sword out of the stone and become King of England also how does this actually work does Elizabeth have to marry Bob what if there was already a king minions brings up so many questions that I'm seriously a hundred percent fine with never having the answers to why did the banners have just one on Stewart is the one with one on right but Bob's the king right right like any modern country would ever stand for a dolt of a leader who could barely speak the language and is so narcissistic they basically spend their lives outing out their own ink and how exactly do the minions speak partial English if they can repeat and understand English verbage then why aren't they just speaking in English law [Music] seems a bit odd that this movie spent so much of its budget on rights to 60s hits that not one person in the target demographic will have a clue as to what it is I could have just as easily played some public domain John Tesh and it would have had the same effect unfunny Corgi abuse is decidedly unfunny it was it's a teeny weeny yellow blob can't be unseen also this is fire Harrigan threesome mean that minions have sex drives and I just realized rule 34 applies to minions and I would like to be done existing now thanks Jerry apparently it's super easy to get into Buckingham Palace so easy in fact I can't understand why Scarlett hadn't already stolen the crown a few times prior to even hiring the minions just give the job to this woman there are laws like the laws that let you crown a hill a phallic symbol because he pulled a sword from a stone based on these hecklers in the background it looks like Parliament is no more sophisticated than a Green Bay Packers game and you had stolen not just England but my heart and the last 90 minutes of my life the rest of your worthless little lives why exactly a Scarlett Jo Manson here locking the minions away even if her feelings got hurt it's been obvious they're willing to do just about anything for and are too stupid to really cause her trouble what's the upside to this idea they clearly don't have necks what exactly did herb think what happened the hair in that picture it's just too wavy lines for breeze would be excellent it cinemasins is what every respectable torture chamber contains went obvious and easily escapable drain minion to eat really so the minions are like the Forrest Gump of 60s England my mama always told me that life is like a box of minions it starts out somewhat cute but very quickly becomes annoying exhausting and full of idiots as our now I'm gonna say protagonists run around this giant screw on chandelier which is apparently a thing can someone tell me why I care about what's about to happen am I supposed to be rooting against Scarlett who hasn't really done anything all that evil am I supposed to want what the minions want am I supposed to even know what that is because if there's just a series of pratfalls and gibberish jokes and nothing else it basically amounts to the world's worst try not to laugh compilation video totally up to the challenge this is no longer a coronation pretty sure you got to go through the coronation process before you start handing out execution orders but what do I know England damn that's quite a pop-up thunderstorm it was barely even cloudy when the minions entered the Abbey all of two minutes ago Kevin Kevin I know you're out there no you don't but the scriptwriters needed this moment so of course Kevin just happens to be watching I will do it Kevin if you are not back here by Dawn and 10 seconds later Kevin turns the corner and it's already dawn how was he supposed to be there that quit what if he hadn't even seen that message not trying to fat shame but seriously if none of the other villains can outrun the sumo guy then Kevin is in the clear huh Roger Goodell actually has a writing credit on this movie in what way could this machine have ever been used that didn't result in its own destruction seems like a giant design flaw nope what exactly did lipstick lady run into when we see out the windshield there's nothing directly in front of her is that a completely implausible three story fully functional 9 booster Space Shuttle type rocket under your dress or are you just happy to see me this joke is yet another reminder that this entire movie is simply as they say in England taking the piss make yourself up bigger target doesn't really matter how big Kevin is if scarless just gonna display some vintage stormtrooper aim Jesus more innocent people die in minions than the entirety of London has fallen drawer Butler thy name is mud Easter Faso Who am I kidding minions are immortal and we all know it so if Kevin shrank then why didn't the overalls also since when have minions worn underwear not that I'm complaining but this movie has been so addicted to crack I'm almost wondering if I'm personally responsible for manifesting them I haven't seen Michael Keaton and Allison Janney this wasted since that legendary Batman West Wing crossover party got out of hand out you are sir Kevin well done but they're all still going to jail for handing the crown and in effect the entire country over to a super criminal right because that happened don't cry because it happened to you because it's over actually do both both works fine and this movie does not paint a flattering picture of the London police force has anyone except the minions even trying to stop group he was evil he was perfect he was uh Nobby as and unnecessary reference to a previous movie Kelly Clarkson oh come on Bob Bob rise and shine check check one syphilis now it's down population you're oh no God no God please no like it's the fruits of the devil oh they do golf guys the kids the original it was me her the whole time the whole time the whole time you would the whole time

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,299,948

Keywords: cinemasins, cinema sins, gru, review, mistakes, minion, movie, eww, minions, wave jockey job, despicable me, everything wrong with

Id: 1KLOI0c-8l8

Length: 15min 6sec (906 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 31 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Jeremy, you poor poor man. No one should have to sit through Minions.

[u/Cha0sXonreddit]

Right, like any modern country would ever stand for a dolt of a leader who could barely speak the language and is so narcissistic they basically spend their lives shouting out their own name.

👀

[u/dumahim]

Why are we being tortured like this? WHY?!

[u/thedrunkknight]

My girlfriend loves this movie. So I starred this so I can show it to her later when she gets home. I was listening to a funny talk radio show on my phone when she goes "oh, is that the annoying thing where they say something and it goes DING! all the time"? I wasn't watching Everything Wrong With....and now I realised she thinks this stuff is annoying. So I will be watching it alone :-(

[u/twobithacker]

That's a mixer, not a blender.

[u/FaceofHoe]

The ruby scene reminded me of Harry spitting out the Snitch!

[u/TrendWarrior101]

Illumination is a sham of existence for producing garbage movies like this!

[u/JonSpangler]

Every sin is valid. I don't care though. I love the Minions and everything about them.