Episode 158 - Hot People Problems

what's up guys welcome to the tmg podcast this is actually today's episode today's free episode but if you want uh the bonus episode that went up today as well you can find that on our patreon that's patreon.com tinymeatgang and uh the free episode will be ad free as well on there so uh and if not thanks and enjoy this one peace peace i wanted to apologize uh right away for the last episode being a little bit out of focus yeah just ever so slightly first episode back in four months and it's just like this much out of focus yeah [ __ ] so maybe so mad yeah but we i mean last episode killed i mean it's like it's gonna be back in the studio it just felt i listened to it it just felt like a different energy entirely yeah i think like the zoom [ __ ] is just weird mm-hmm it's just a weird shade to anyone that does zoom podcasts or anything like that but no i mean just like sucks it's just not okay you're just like sitting there like did you get that bit did you want did you understand that especially if we do it when we can't see each other yeah the socked off did you get that part yeah did you get that part so this one should be back in focus yeah and always remember if you're watching on youtube to absolutely suck off that like button yeah suck it off make sure to severely suck off the like button by the way guys it's going to be out not in the mix but this i think we just choose to podcast in the hardest conditions possible oh we've talked about that before podcasting like on hard mode yeah yeah that's all we ever do like so there's an office below us and this dude is not here i think he locked up for the night he's not coming back today but he left this spa music on so now we're just trying to do this over what's it's just it's the only way you can describe it it's like the music you listen to in the waiting room of a massage parlor okay uh now cody mr cody if you just follow me this way this is the men's i word locker room so what'd you say i love when they do that and they take it to the dude's side just a random dude who's like hey man how are you it's gonna be a good time in here you're like what i don't know if i want to go in there man he's like follow me this way you're like that kind of kind of suss yeah it's kind of sus and then you go in there and he's standing there watching you shower you know what i did this morning to wake up dude i did a one minute cold shower i did the entrepreneur thing you did the uh what's the what's the [ __ ] guy's name manscape dude yeah i did the manscape dude [ __ ] i can't believe we still do ads for them i really can't believe it someone somewhere along the line just has not done their job yeah yeah no i think it's funny oh i think it's hilarious i think there's that thing nobody please nobody [ __ ] snitch on us okay even if they do stitch i'm gonna be pissed because it's so funny every time we read for them i think we have a hate love relationship with this guy you think he knows i think he's you think he's like got the upper hand on us he's like they're still [ __ ] making me money no i think he knows but i think our click-through on specifically manscaped products is so good that he can't let us go so actually that's that's the real joke that's how we get the upper hand is they have to keep buying ads from us if you guys buy manscape [ __ ] [ __ ] off their products yeah yeah because then they have to they have to there are little [ __ ] little pay pegs make sure they hit that promo code for your ball trimmer or whatever your taint paint whacker or whatever taint taint twizzler get the new taint twizzler 600. what else do they have it's it's like a swacker yeah is that one no it's always like the same letter i know you know um dick dasher yeah the uh uh cheek trimmer the um penis polisher [Music] labia latherer they're gonna move on to those products cleaner yeah there's that one yeah there's the [ __ ] cleaner these sound like sexual wrestling names like these sound like guys in orgy this is the shaft shiner otherwise known as the fluffer this is the cobb cleaner some marketing internet manscape right now yeah yeah writing these all down the knob nuzzler [Laughter] the whole hacker yeah just the hack away the rough the rough foliage around your hole oh man the exhauster exfoliate your hole with the exfoliator you're the smoothest [ __ ] the smoothest [ __ ] on the [ __ ] internet hold on i got another one hold on something that starts with the f clean synonym uh clean synonym um uh the man f only the only word i know that is [ __ ] the what the only word i know with f is [ __ ] that's the only word you know that's actually f and fellatio and fart fart um farting pupa that's frantic frantic filibuster exfoliator oh okay um wait no we got it we got it and yeah nah nah pupa freshener there it up just in case anyone's gonna be smelling that later yeah so when you pull up the fupa to reveal your genitalia got a beautiful whiff that comes out of there wow you know we got to do tagging right now bro you know what we got to do is we have to start the manscape but it's for it's for only fans content creators you know what i mean what do you mean so we sell products that are specifically for you know sex workers to freshen up their [ __ ] you know so they might be dual action you could clean and get off you know one side it's the it's the mullet of uh self-care party in the back yeah yeah you imagine that [ __ ] a beard trimmer with a rabbit on the other side they should have like streamer lights on them yeah it should be like vibrated as vibrators with phillips hue bulbs on the sides dog i feel like that's just such a terrifying thing yeah you know because because when you think sex toys you know half of them are it's like glass or or rubber or whatever you know what i mean they're non-flammable yeah so just something that has just like five samsung batteries in it must be terrifying as a sex work sex workers risk their life every time they go live guys you don't realize that they got a [ __ ] they got that samsung phone in front of their snatch that yeah just that [ __ ] ever explodes you never hear about that but phones explode all the time the [ __ ] vapes used to explode all the time remember that kids getting their like hands blown off because of the big big ass vapes they're smoking you gotta think dildos dildos are like too far into it you know yeah they've been vibrators have been around for [ __ ] ever yeah probably the first since the washington battery yeah as a vibrator i'm just trying to think now like a medieval vibrator yeah they get like a hundred poor people to like yank on some rope yeah yeah yeah let's hold the and there's just like a there's a nub sticking through the castle wall and she's like oh faster you don't move too slowly [Laughter] or was that just why why people were equestrians back in the day oh is that why women rode horses back in the day yeah yeah bare back yeah this saddle looked more like a sybian yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean isn't that basically what it oh man that puts a whole new spin on horse girl that's why they're [ __ ] nuts yeah no that's kind of isn't that like a known thing oh man i don't know i don't know isn't that i don't know the horse girls like to i don't they i don't know yeah because is that why horse girls develop connections with horses and [ __ ] she rides like seabiscuit and he gives her like the orgasm of a lifetime and she hops off that [ __ ] and she's like no human will ever compare if only i could have you in that huge monster that's what happened to mr hands yeah yeah oh rest in peace [ __ ] the big r.i.p to that guy big rip yeah literally big r.i.p speaking of sex matthew mcconaughey's dad oh yeah died during it supposedly was that recent or did he just say something about it recently did his father pass that was one of those where i was just making the rounds and i just i just couldn't care yeah but we have to care about it no i know all right let me look it up we have to it's our job on this podcast too i know you know i know matthew mcconaughey apparently his dad died during climax when he was having sex which is i mean if it is true it's could not be more matthew mcconaughey you know yeah okay this is vanity fair two days ago my daddy died matt giggles says his dad died my daddy died while having sex with his mom you saw that he went on a big cat show who did um giggles matthew mcconaughey yeah was on barcelona yeah what today to promote his book today i don't know that just they had a little trailer yesterday that i'm going um that whole [ __ ] no way yeah damn i want to watch that uh dude but i have a gift you just had that [ __ ] book give me your pocket i bought it i and i wanted to surprise you and i i figured we could read a couple excerpts i bought the hardcover too this is yeah and it's also i confirm that it is indeed a bestseller right now it is okay it's killing dude okay okay we're about to just promo his book for free this isn't promo no it's not i mean this is book club we're not gonna be like you guys should definitely take no let's read a couple and let's laugh at them green lads holy [ __ ] this is like a real book let me see i thought it was only going to be like pictures phrases and little little poems gonna open it it's just [Music] pictures of him with like three words each that's just basic as hell just like a little sock on his junk it's just like i'm hot yeah it's not all it's not even advice this is all whiskey ads jesus it's all just direct quotes from fans i'd [ __ ] this guy okay here we go here's one this is this is like a little post-it note here so there's pages of words words i know there's like a book club it's a book pages of words yeah and then every so often there's a little image of a poem he wrote or something on like a little post-it so i'm gonna read one of those i gotta see just just because the seats are empty doesn't mean they're not taken sometimes the guest list needs to be for one you bro what give me this let me get one we're gonna say i know there's a book club somewhere that's that's like losing it because you let the cover fly off and just the way you're handling it like put it back on the thing yeah i'm not gonna lie the the actual that's hard as hell yeah without the paper that's [ __ ] hard his design is dope yeah oh maybe you're supposed to pull that off i've never had a book before so i don't know what you do now you are promoting yeah i actually am let's read one oh yeah i'm not gonna lie these like childhood pictures are like what people try to capture and like this is what people want to look like on instagram you know what i mean that's hard yeah during college or something yeah wall full of posters and [ __ ] dang dang what in the [ __ ] this book is it's like a real book yeah oh you got to read this [ __ ] i'm going to read it i have to read it i have to read it just for us for the audience and if anyone else has read it let me know what you think a little book club okay so here are the contents bro who cares all right so you so there's like a green light page with like a title it's like a chapter part one outlaw logic dad had just gotten home from work greasy blue button down with jim on the left chest patch already thrown in the washer this is fan fiction okay man i just want the green light yeah read another read another like little excerpt like a little poem okay i need to find one of those how did you find that oh here we go green line knowing the truth seeing the truth and telling the truth are all different experiences which is kind of true that's kind of true i know you can know something but not say anything because you're too scared to say it yeah you can see the truth pan out but still you may be afraid to say something but when you finally say something how can you see the truth without knowing that it's the truth [Applause] maybe they're non-linear you can see the truth but not know it 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holy [ __ ] this is a deep green light right here what is it you ready yeah process of elimination and identity the first step that leads to our identity in life is usually not i know who i am but rather i know who i'm not process of elimination this is all of his [ __ ] poems too many options can make a tyrant out of any of us so we should get rid of excess in our lives that keep us from being more of ourselves when we decrease the options that don't feed us we eventually almost accidentally have more options in front of us that do what this is how he this is how he goes about writing these he thinks about like a common trope yeah or like a you know like a uh what the [ __ ] is it called grass is greener on the other hand and he goes it's not about the grass being greener on the other side it's about how green can you make the grass on your side and you're like oh oh [ __ ] i forgot to fertilize the grass yeah yeah knowing who we are is hard how it's about how much grass can you smoke on your side eliminate who we're not first then we'll find ourselves where we need to be i guess i that's kind of true yeah sort of but that just means you have to try everything bro this is everything this is where you realize who you're not this is like [ __ ] that you like nothing i was gonna say something shitty it's fine what that's fine let's just say it that's just me i don't know this this to me is just like you know this is like hot people [ __ ] you know i mean like half people could like say this [ __ ] and like welcome back to the intel hour yeah yeah no it's not even that it's like i'm not even about to say like you know oh they don't do it or whatever i just mean you know i feel like it's stuff that hot people could say and like a broken person will be like oh my god like you're like the answer to my uh you know what i mean yeah it's really to get you to like him more and not help yourself yeah i would say like if we yeah i'm just trying to i'm imagining myself saying that [ __ ] to somebody and getting the door slammed on me you know like socially or something if i'm like you know knowing who we are is hard yeah that's great um do you want to go back to the group oh yeah i was just going to tell you know usually figuring out who we are you know it's it's a matter of the options around us yeah yeah it totally yeah totally i get that i get that we should go back to the group yeah yeah okay yeah yeah no for sure yeah [ __ ] me i don't know two agnostics oh oh oh that means you don't believe in god right yes no no agnostic is like you don't you don't you don't you don't subscribe to religion yeah yeah but you're not um you're not atheist yeah you're just you know you're open to the idea okay two agnostics just because it says anonymous doesn't mean it has no author i don't that makes me want to be a scientologist that's what this is about he's a scientologist as well hubbard is my dude that's just page one arm now ron hubbard is my guy you funded this whole book and i'm here to show you the green lad into scientology oh lord here's one oh this is a good one holy [ __ ] let it rip this is this is also some landscape this [ __ ] this is perfect okay this works perfectly with what we're going to do this is a manscaped reed in the middle of the book twizzle your taint with the taint twizzler with the twist twist twist sweat with the tank twist task taste and tie with your twist taint twizzler some people want the ac on in the gym so they won't sweat ah i wear my beanie in july so i will holy [ __ ] that's it that's it that's literally that's so good some people look for an excuse to do others look for an excuse not to these are bars dude we actually we should make a song that's just all these oh yeah we just rip them wholesale it's called green light green light that's uh that's actually a very a very dangerous title to go with green light green light is like like i put the green light on you like get you [ __ ] murdered yeah what about this green light okay okay john legend or something yeah yeah where do you go right now yeah but you know if we all made sense of humor the default emotion we'd all get along better oh my god that's like some five-year-old [ __ ] right there laugh more but this is memoir dude so you know each each one of these is probably you know rolled up in some story ah man this is [ __ ] awesome i'm definitely gonna read this are you maybe i'll read it maybe we'll do a book club i mean like book club for the [ __ ] we should actually do that and just like discuss it in depth like seriously what we think okay here's here's what i was going to see here yeah i want to hear this conspiracy theory hook me up bro bring it up so that i don't you know it's great [ __ ] it up i left these from the last episode completely walked out of here so deranged i was yeah so you're good now you can hydrate it yeah i can i can take them back with them okay the conspiracy theory is and and you know keep in mind this is probably dumb okay right but take it take it for what it is right all right just conspiracy theories are fun conspiracy theories are fun when you just believe them a little bit yeah you know don't let it destroy your life don't just be [ __ ] queuing on or whatever yeah but just you know this one you can just be like oh well what if that's crazy yeah and also a little scary yeah just fool around a conspiracy theory did the world end in 2012 oh oh i like this okay existential crisis time so did the world actually end in 2012 well it was the year scientists at cern finally found the higgs boson you know the particle stephen hawking predicted could destroy the universe or in his own words caused the universe to undergo a catastrophic vacuum decay well what would happen if we destroyed the universe would we know maybe cern accidentally created a black hole that sucked us in without us even noticing and we've actually just been living in it some physics some physicists actually actually believe this is possible there's the old cliche argument that nothing has felt right since 2012. i agree with this maybe maybe it has something to do with growing up and getting older but ever since then it seems like the world descends more and more into chaos each day time even feels faster there's some sort of calamity happening almost daily um did we all die and go to hell i don't really believe that but some people do maybe we're in a similar situation to the characters in the good place okay hold on uh perhaps this universe was destroyed by cern and our collective consciousness was moved into a parallel universe next door it would be almost identical and then he goes on to say to talk about the mandela effect okay which is like remembering something different than it actually is okay like a lot of people think that there was a t in skechers there's not okay um or or that nelson mandela died in the 80s but he lived until 2013 blah blah blah okay people swear to god that the uh that the statue of liberty is on ellis island what the [ __ ] hold on sorry that should not have happened i apologize um people swear the statue of liberty is on ellis island but it's actually on liberty island and it's never been on ellis island but there's there's a compilation on youtube of people posing in front of ellis island that is tagged i'm at the statue of liberty and there's nothing behind them what [ __ ] weirdest [ __ ] dude obviously i didn't look that much into it but i watched the compilation and it's like really eerie what hold on so the argument is that like that run that back what you said there are people posting videos okay here mandela effects get much creepier though some people remember the statue of liberty being in a totally different location that location being ellis island it's actually on liberty liberty island here's a painting clearly depicting the statue at ellis island with no other islands nearby was the artist just not paying attention did he just like it better this way i don't really think so now if that's not strange enough if you go on google maps street view there's this few specific areas of liberty island where the statue of liberty is just gone residue from the previous timeline that's that one's kind of whack because it comes just google maps there's so many [ __ ] areas yeah yeah this account uploading these strange pictures goes by the username of august bartholdi that's the designer of the lady liberty herself the account also sports his picture from the 1800s he's google approved and he's posting he posts pictures with no statue of liberty okay i'm not that one i'm not sold on well i mean the mandela effect stuff i don't really think it's that that's not crazy it's that um like convincing because it's just us remembering [ __ ] differently yeah yeah that happens to us all the [ __ ] time yeah um well anyway a while back there was a viral threat on 4chan posted by someone who claimed to be one of the 23 scientists at cern responsible for creating the mendel effect they claimed the planet was destroyed and we were we were placed in a simulated world i mean this threat is really long so this is the guy nick hinton is the guy that camp that wrote about this on twitter so basically so go look him up if you want to read the whole thread i know i didn't do the best job but and again like i probably sounded like an idiot there yeah but it actually is if you if you go oh maybe and read through it it's really interesting i'm trying to think of major events that like got weird i mean i definitely feel we're in some strange entropy state yeah we are i feel like we all feel like that yeah and also doesn't it seem like time's going a little bit faster that's cause we've been inside yeah i mean it could also just be age yeah like time's going faster because we've just yeah it's like we've been around longer so we just less things are new to us i was reading some [ __ ] about the feasibility of like living forever in this time in this in our time like lifetime excuse me that [ __ ] bugged me out like basically people were alleging that there's like a significant possibility of developing like the benjamin button [ __ ] like we could just be like 80 and they'd like take this damage and just go backwards no way yeah what happens i don't know but i hope they could lock me out at 22. no but yeah like when you get too young do you take one that makes you older again and then you just go back i don't know i mean that part they you know wasn't figured out it's just the possibility of reverse aging sales which is crazy that's sick yeah what if it like would man what would that even be like i know you got to think like there's got to be there's got to be people that like being 80 just like having everything done for them yeah i'm not going back yeah it's rules yeah pudding every day i get to play checkers with my boys all [ __ ] day i'm chilling i don't want to go back when i work that's what they're going to do they're going to figure it out just so they can put people back in the workforce yeah super duper capitalism you guys thought late stage capitalism was bad wait till they figure out reverse aging capitalism they're going to reverse age everybody and put them in a best buy gulag it's going to be crazy we're going to be making microchips and you know whatever the [ __ ] you know man i've been thinking about making some changes lately what changes now i want to start by improving my self-care routine oh the problem was what i didn't know where to start [ __ ] that smell like ass yeah you smell like ass smell like complete [ __ ] you do yeah you used to yeah then i found hawthorne that's right hawthorne is a premium tailored personal care brand that's making it easy for guys to feel and smell their best okay you start with a quiz they ask me things like you know what's your favorite drink how do you like to spend a night out do you smoke you want to roll one up that's what they said you don't roll one up do you want to roll one you smoking penises you smoking penises you smoking dicks out here um you know which i thought was helpful because they could they could you know start to get an idea of a scent that would work with my lifestyle yeah i did the quiz and they sent me some delicious body wash nice that i'm using every single day delicious you've been eating it i don't eat it but it smells i wish i could eat the scent that's okay okay and uh if you want to upgrade your self care routine hawthorne is a fun and convenient way to get super high quality products tailored specifically for your needs hawthorne even takes the risk out of it by giving you free shipping on your orders and returns and if you don't like your products they'll even retailer them for you based on your feedback do what i did take hawthorne's hawthorne's quiz today and get started on your personalized self-care routine by going to hawthorne.co and use promo code tmg to get 10 10 off your first purchase that's h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e dot co dot c-o promo code tmg hawthorne.com promo code tmg where's this chip man there's all this hype about vaccine and chip and this and that and nothing [ __ ] elon yeah a wall mine dude i know i signed up for the list [Laughter] i just doubled this for the cyber truck i'm on the list for the chip give me that [ __ ] he's trying to be testled out teed up oh yeah dude teed up my lease for my car ends next month i don't know what the [ __ ] to do should i should i lease a tesla um honestly i thought about it coming back from the in the desert yes the instant torque and that's the thing about oh we got major flak by the way for what we're just talking [ __ ] about l.a no i mean i i don't know i i don't want to talk about that it's [ __ ] but no i was just laughing why because uh a dude dm me with a picture it was look like a bunch of like young gangbangers he's like why you putting la on blast homie i was like you listen to our podcast that's crazy wait who i don't know it's just like an instagram account i was like private and he was like why are you putting l.a on blast homie i mean something in patreon was like uh i just cody like uh look at the crime rates for la it's not it has arisen at all but i i meant venice and then i found the article which word which totally says that it's it's in august september crime violent crime yeah or maybe non-violent crime but i think it was a mixture of both increased by eighty percent just in venice and obviously i'm gonna that's my you know yeah i live my neighborhood you know i live here basically my whole life and i just don't want to sit in traffic anymore yeah that's literally it yeah that's my mom it's not like it's not like i'm saying like get rid of all the tents and just whatever it's like we have to find a way to deal with it like that's not normal you know yeah it's not yeah the city should give a [ __ ] yeah and i mean every day there's more and more and more it's like well something isn't right here yeah and and you know it's like it's didn't this issue of spending money combating mental illness and all that stuff can go a long way yeah this sort of thing i mean i don't know [ __ ] politics but that's what i'm saying i'm not just saying yeah what [ __ ] wipe them out dude i'm gonna throw a bomb out here and you know maybe i'm wrong about this but i i felt like nancy pelosi made like a bajillion dollars off real estate really something like that and and people are like bro her whole [ __ ] thing about like oh yeah we need to take care of people it's like dude you made a truly like so much money off real estate he was bawling off this [ __ ] quarantine right here like let's care about people you don't give a [ __ ] about anybody no politician does nah son once they i think once you're at that top level it's not even about you know it's not even about the you know you're just in such a crazy weird league of of power yeah there's a there's a car on on ocean in venice that's like uh it's like a tourist destination now because it's been parked there for like five months and there's trash you're saying this last time oh was that yeah yeah yeah that's crazy yeah it's wild what kind of trash is it though dope trash it only goes for like the shiny it's like a literal art it's like a literal art display of one man's trash another man's treasure exactly and it like literally looks like a giant treasure chest it's all gold items on instagram and someone was like are we sure this is not a banksy [Laughter] but anyways i feel like you say anything about that now people are like oh you just don't like poor people it's like that what no no not at all i saw some sad [ __ ] the other day yesterday i was driving home and i look over and i see these three dudes like just like hitting i don't know [ __ ] they're tweaking or some [ __ ] they're just like passing drugs through a fence and like it was like in the it was in the wash underneath the uh um where like the river is supposed to pass they're supposed to be water they're like on the bike path like through this fence like they're like trading [ __ ] like putting [ __ ] up to their nose going like some crazy dust coming out of their face and i'm like [ __ ] man let me take y'all somewhere safe like you all hungry damn yeah that's i don't know man it is it's it's a it's a weird have have not situation right i feel big cities highlight that like massive that you could just have someone [ __ ] destitute just sitting on the sidewalk you know like groups of people just completely [ __ ] you know cashless and everyone's just walking around i'm like excuse me excuse me yeah i mean that's always been a thing in like san francisco yeah like the last 20 years yeah i don't know what that is maybe it's like just because san francisco is a lot smaller yeah i don't know but there's literally like you know [ __ ] billionaires row in san francisco and then there's like homeless people right outside of it san francisco pretty dense yeah it's a population where my house no not even that three three and a half square miles or something like that it's like a it's like the length of a track it is really small san francisco maybe it's eight hold on it's gonna be some wild number here's another math segment the square root of 72 divided by more than 46 46 nice you were close is that real no you're seven you're right san francisco is seven miles by seven miles what and 49 square miles yeah sorry whoa square mileage of san francisco it's small as [ __ ] what didn't know that the square mileage of san francisco varies depending on whether you include alcatraz i went there alcatraz is crazy i didn't know that that's crazy i went to turnbull canyon this weekend oh yeah how can everybody else i saw it i don't know man i just read that it was scary and i was like did you just drive there just to go there yeah so [ __ ] it that's just been my mood lately clearly i don't care about views anymore so i'm just doing whatever the [ __ ] you gotta go in the night um you can't you can't go in the night i mean you can but you know yeah you gotta be one of those like you know j-station type [ __ ] where you're like visiting turnball at night yeah i can say candidly the um that place at night would be scary because the homes around there look like it looks like a disneyland uh like park segment right before the opening of the path there's this house it looks like a gnome house the roof looks straight out of a tim burton thing so that thing is creepy yeah and there's a lot a lot of old victorian looking houses there which doesn't make any sense to me because who the [ __ ] i don't even know who would live there who lives in whittier i don't know how witty or even started where is that it's about it it's 45 minutes east of here yeah i mean i guess i could see it you know tired of the beach it's not that far away did it feel a little scary like did the air feel different yeah really no no i couldn't feel any energy no i so there's an okay so there's a lot of myths about that place between cults and cult ritual and stuff candidly i can't see it because the trail is just too nice it's too wide yeah you can you can drive a car through the whole thing okay and there's a radio tower at the top or like a water tower so clearly there's just some old school like maintenance fire road [ __ ] like it's not you can't feel scared it's just too safe yeah and then once you get to the top it's or towards the top it's it's like gravel like paved road so you're like this ain't was it a good hike at least it was yeah it was it was it was decently long it took longer than i thought okay um people were giving me [ __ ] in the video being like so you're huffing and puffing after that hike i was like [ __ ] you man that goes like six miles hike hiking gatekeeper yeah yeah completely hiking gatekeep so supposedly in turnbull canyon i was being sarcastic through the whole video but there's a spot called hell's gate um i forget why they call it that but i guess it just looks crazy because the gate is on some dude's lawn so over time as people have showed up more and more he's put more security on it to basically like get the [ __ ] out of my house and uh so yeah i think that's like you know if you're like talking about atmosphere i really don't think that [ __ ] i think the first segment would be scary because of snakes um but that's anything that's like just shrub like you're walking through you don't know yeah so the one that is really scary i guess is black star canyon and i guess like i don't know it's like a white supremacy hub or something and like really so it's like actual danger to go there but i don't know and i'm not from these like there's actual white supremacists there yeah okay like that's their [ __ ] so you know people were like you should go there i'm like why the in what universe get to what to interview dude hey man i just was wondering like if i could just you know i'm making a video for youtube about how scary this place is yeah what are your favorite and least favorite races what about annaball animal yeah anabolic ah just a bunch of beefy yeah meatheads yeah lots of dudes they lift you up the mountain they throw you up the mountain you go up a chain of dudes just benching you up they just throw you one [ __ ] quarter mile at a time no they're tickling you again gym take a look so you're giggling all the way up to the top yeah that place was hot as [ __ ] and i wore black like just you know idiots yeah just trying on a hike just trying to make it stick to boxing brother yeah get out of here get out of our hiking spots dude the best [ __ ] so i read a post on reddit you know i don't know what that [ __ ] is website r-e-d-d-i-t oh okay it's a financial um it's a financial wellness it's like a forum yeah basically the online forum teach how to spend your money and stuff cool [ __ ] i saw a post that had me laughing because i resonated with it so much so we were going up this trail and this dude and his girl are hiking and he's got his dog off his leash and it wasn't a big dog it was big enough you know you know someone else's dog you know they're going to [ __ ] act walking through you know dirt road and [ __ ] you don't you don't know if uh i don't know if it's gonna get freaked out or something so you know i read this post and it was like keep your dog on a leash when you're hiking okay i was like oh yeah i know what that's like that literally happened to me the other day and like the first paragraph is like not everyone likes your dog you like your dog blah blah blah blah blah and he's telling some story about how he used to be one of those guys and his dog sniffed out some lady who had like a traumatic dog attack experience and she had like a [ __ ] meltdown because his dog approached her i mean that's kind of true like i've had dogs like sprint at chili on the beach yeah like giant dogs yeah and then i talked to one other guy that was like yeah i had i had he just like he got these new little he had these greyhound puppies yeah two little greyhounds one of them was like or they were both like either i think they were twins or brothers or whatever twins twin dogs does that exist twin dogs yeah they're all twins yeah like siblings right yeah when they like look like each other anyways they were like eight months old the guy said that he had the first time he took him to the beach he was walking them and this bigger dog sprinted at one of them that was off leash and broke the dog's fibia nice and what the other owners say ah yeah sorry she loves to run around just listen so bad listening there dogs on the ground bleeding [Laughter] come here chip yeah that was that was like in our complex i mentioned this way early in the podcast where alina was just working with the window open and she just hears this woman like shrieking her face off like she looks out and she's like holding her arm and some dude is holding on to his [ __ ] pitbull or whatever the [ __ ] he's like i'm so sorry people oh he had like bitter oh my gosh he's as [ __ ] i pit dude it would piss me off at our spot because there was this we could do we could make a what i don't know i've never brought this guy up i don't know how i have never brought this guy up this guy oh we got a basic character on him or something for something this is the weirdest guy on earth hit this massive dog had a similar coat to ollie you know black with brown this dog is big i almost say ah [ __ ] i want to say like at least 50 60 pounds he's a [ __ ] huge neck okay i don't know how much do mastiffs weigh like 180 pounds probably yeah so maybe maybe his dog could easily be like 50 or 60 pounds this thick [ __ ] boy his his uh his leash was one of those leashes where it um it looks like what you would put on your tires to get tread and snow okay you know what i'm talking about like it's got like hooks yep and it's metal yeah yeah yeah kelsey's brother has that for his dog yeah so he's got one of those which just makes it look worse and his head is you know looks like dana white like it's like swollen yeah and big ass perfect comparison yeah you know big neck boy and this dude would be in the dog run you know there's signs everywhere keep your dog on a leash and he's training it he throws a tennis ball and this thing just goes woofing down the whole runway yeah look you see his [ __ ] 9 000 teeth yeah and and and he trains it to you know and whenever other dogs come around he's like come here and the dog you know listens to him i say i need to make a character of this guy because one night i go out and he's wearing a robe you know it's like a velvet rope it's a nice robe okay and some sandals and he's got his dog off leash taking it to [ __ ] or something and it was pretty late at night so when i came out to the dog run he like kind of looks over his shoulder and he's keeping his back face face to me and uh he like he gets his arms and she's like and then he turns around real quick and the eye contact he made with me said to me yeah there's no underwear here okay there's no underwear because the the lining came down to like below the belly button and then that's where the tie was and he just kind of shuffled out of there in a way that was just like a little too you know normally he's he's missed her like [ __ ] but he he dipped and i'm like who are you with your big ass dog got your [ __ ] meat out under your belt i mean you know it's us that i'm even imagining that he's [ __ ] it's your big old meat out yeah well you're training your dog want to think about your big meat swinging around you're training your dog no but this was just the funniest [ __ ] like your dog is going to kill another dog and you're just out here pretending like oh yeah you know i trained him well yeah he's he's a good way he's a good puppy so that was the same guy whose dog bit someone's arm no no no no no i don't even know what happened to that guy okay but yeah the dog you don't have a dog run so you just no dog run is a crazy place man yeah the amount of people we've met and like i didn't ask to meet and like i just have a of dexa dog run people like is it like a like a little social social hour down there it's like you know the run yeah yeah yeah it's like it's like having a happy see you at six the run yeah bring a glass of wine it's like being part of the soho house dude yeah the dog one is a soho house though everyone talks about their dog like it's their home girl or something yeah something oh mitzi she's so crazy we should work on something together yeah ladies and gentlemen we want to thank the very lovely hellofresh get fresh pre-measured ingredients and mouth-watering seasonal recipes delivered right to your door with hellofresh america's number one meal kit hellofresh lets you skip those trips to the grocery store and makes home cooking easy fun and affordable 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purchase some of their great products okay you you can use a discount code tmg for 20 off for a limited time once again that's tmg for 20 off your order at new x and ux.com oh man there was this little tiny pomeranian that loved ollie and bless the owner so bless her soul man every time i see that dog i'm like [ __ ] please not today and i was just like oh hello and you're just in a [ __ ] 20-minute conversation you just can't escape i love just i love that getting bulldozed this dude came over to my place to fix the internet or something i don't know what was he doing he was fixing a toilet or [ __ ] i don't know he was delivering he was delivering something so literally the shortest interaction it was one piece of furniture and he walked in the place dropped it and then came down and he's like getting us to sign something and chili's like you know like on his leg like like pet me pet me and so the guy's like oh i just saved the dog last night and we're like and keep in mind we have a zoom call that we have to hit nice like it was like four and it's like 357 and he's getting us to sign this thing and he goes oh i just saved the dog yesterday and we're like oh that's gonna be a long time that's not there's never a short story no you know why would you tell that to a random person unless you're trying to yeah really go into why you're a good person yeah you're trying to build yourself up tell your family that yeah who who are you you know the dogs they were clearly yeah i mean it was a good story by the time he was done we were 10 minutes late for this so how do you save it he's so the dog someone dumped it in a trash can behind his house he came out because he was like taking the trash out or something and the dog had jumped out of the trash can was sprinting after the car because he was like don't leave me oh my [ __ ] yeah the dude just dipped so our guy our our buddy now our boy delivery guy he's picked the dog up and the dog was all like mangy and [ __ ] like that he gave him a bath cleaned him up gave him some food and i think i'm just gonna keep him what the [ __ ] who throws a [ __ ] dog in a trash can like people are sick man that seems to be a pretty common thing people read that all the time adoption instagrams and stuff it's like we found this dog in the trash can i think [ __ ] kelsey's brother found his dog or they found him the adoption agency or whatever found him in a in a shopping basket just left at a [ __ ] yeah a grocery store or something people are sick man they just you know they they uh i think they think of they think they think of trash cans like a guarantee like they can't come after me yeah it's weird or just like get you know it'll just get taken somewhere which i guess in this case it did yeah but it's that's just that you're the shittiest human oh yeah you should never just don't yeah yeah why don't you just go to an adoption place and just give it they take dogs don't they yeah yeah or maybe they don't no they do wouldn't they have like a moral i don't know i don't [ __ ] know dogs dog i don't know how this [ __ ] works i mean the dog population is crazy because every day like dogs get put down because no one that's what i'm saying so maybe where do these dogs come from they're mom's vaginas this is some high-ass [ __ ] where do all these dogs come from bro i was looking at oakvatch i was looking at old pictures of ollie yesterday and that [ __ ] was skinny really yeah tiny like he's small now but he was like rails thin and now some meat on his [ __ ] yeah we put some meat on the [ __ ] nice we made him thick yeah a little thick boy yeah yeah that winter yeah coat yeah i'm putting i'm working on that myself he was all head like he was just a head and then like just like a [ __ ] like a like like a duster attached to his head he was nothing there yeah anyway man so he's so one of you were gonna meet up with your boy at the run yeah so we planned something we're gonna uh um what's the word you're gonna collaborate not collaborating i can't ever think of [ __ ] i'm doing this podcast oh man dear no that's not it coleman deer no co-man deer that sounds like uh like a replacement for dog the bounty hunter cole mandy are here yep co-man that's my hunting name yeah commando what you hunt turtles [ __ ] my name cole man deer i'm out here to hunt turtles everyone's trying to you know only the endangered ones if everyone's out here trying to save them i'm trying to end them back and forth great i don't know turtles are actually pretty evil back and forth great a turtle bit me during a show-and-tell snapping turtle this this goofball come in a tan suit i don't understand it you come in with this turtle i'm like that looks cool put my finger up to it whap bites my knuckle i said i never let these animals harm anyone else again that's where i got my name cole man deer turtle hunter turtle hunter see never try to save the turtles i'm trying to end their [ __ ] i'm going out to the ocean i'm pouring straws into the ocean i hope these [ __ ] die just on a pontoon boat in the atlantic bendy straws color straws all kinds of [ __ ] what are you doing get rid of these [ __ ] [ __ ] we're gonna kill them [Laughter] yeah when you're done with that starbucks just chuck it in the water oh my god she's always a joke about that in hawaii like taking the snorkeling trips or whatever because you swim with turtles literally they swim right up to you and the instructor's like the instructor was like yeah they're super easy to choke [Laughter] you see a little mix hanging out of the shells there you just wrap your hands around you can just choke it up just [ __ ] yeah we're going turtle choking today we going dolphin busting today peta's not going to like this big i'm coming in deer are we going turtle and dolphin busting strap in now the best way to get rid of a dolphin is plug its blowhole [ __ ] eventually just explodes oh my god dude [Laughter] i feel like killing a dolphin is like i don't know man they got the same texture as eggplant it just it makes me cringe thinking about you know what i mean you hold the eggplant it's just got a smooth rubbery texture you know picturing a dolphin just getting its blowhole stuff then just [ __ ] makes me a little sad that makes me sad too but it's funny let's see that's why you gotta watch the boys man there's a dolphin busting scene that is just unlike any other they actually kill a dolphin oh man i don't want to spoil it dude don't spoil it so how many seasons of that show are there it's two but it's like it's good man it's good it's in the first season it's in like the first five episodes so you can even get up to that point and i tried watching it one time but but what just a phone you know phone watch my phone yeah yeah i was like the show's not good and it's like i didn't watch a single second of it yeah thank you you're a [ __ ] idiot man i'm an idiot it's one of your favorite [ __ ] just slipping in mean [ __ ] here you're stupid dude you're getting down you didn't get that because you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] you're all right i can see you squirming i'm sweating yeah i could tell she has two shirts under there it's just so hot in here this is one shirt it's just very thick oh okay just leave the next episode of shirtless and just blur everything yeah i'm cool with that it's just we need a new [ __ ] place that has ac and no music and no no yeah we got these dudes the bandsaws downstairs yeah that's nice too every five seconds see there it is again what the [ __ ] trying to work while we're while we're recording i want to talk about yesterday but i feel like that video needs to come out before we can talk about it yeah yeah yeah let's see we can hype it up we could hype it up though well we can we can say we should okay yeah yeah we should talk about it all after it comes out yeah but we shot something yeah we did we shot something you know i'm i'm excited for it i think it's gonna be funny next week yeah yeah i was even thinking try to get it faster yeah shouldn't take that long to edit and just because of the cameras we used the footage is just [ __ ] heavy it just takes time this is annoying whose cameras were those uh so we used nemazari and then shout out to uh our homie ryan he's a c200 that we just you know he's just like let us use it wow no charge shout out to the boy and then um nemo's homie let us use his uh black magic camera so you know we had a nice little it was a little camera test yeah we had it all i'm so yeah it's gonna look crispy um yeah anyway i i ate what no i ate something that just makes me want to take a massive deuce would you eat uh i just i had a big breakfast but i added cheerios in there and milk just doesn't sit anymore i hit that age yeah yeah yeah when you just stop processing dairy yeah it's just like oh yeah we're just gonna hit the lottery every time jackpot ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping mom i won bing bing bing bing bing bing bing trap door that's the most exciting literal [ __ ] to me happened that happened to me in the last 72 hours is my toilet clogging really it was like it was like what happened to you it was just like it wasn't even like intentional i just flushed and then just like the water started coming back i was like man what the hell oh no murky and then just like chilled out i was like what the [ __ ] is don't touch it so i was like reading all these weird remedies remedies just take a plunger no so this this right here makes me want to make write a nasty email to whom the developers of my apartment complex the toilets they use in my complex it's it's like there's the hole and there's a divot beneath it so it's like um it's like a pre-hole okay it's like a pre-hole that goes into the hole and you can't use a plunger because um that divot creates no suction oh you get what i'm saying yeah so if you put a plunger over it there's like a there's an empty spot so just it just funnels water it just pushes water out and it doesn't actually create a vacuum you know why huh because the world ended in 2012 yeah these are the toilets from the alternate dimension where plungers are shaped that's what it is like a duck yeah why aren't some doing gymnastics out there and so i'm like so we have this one of those weird plungers where you know it looks like a beehive with a hole on the end of it and it still doesn't work but if you hit it at like a specific angle you can kind of get the plunge to go so you're just hitting it in the [ __ ] water no no that's what i'm trying not to do is is first i'm hitting it no you just need it spraying your mouth i think if you just get that specific angle lena come in here it's not good someone's puking right now someone's puking right now that's so funny someone's puking right now yeah so i got this [ __ ] cauldron of like whatever the [ __ ] and i'm trying to like water yeah i'm trying to like just gently create the suction and so so then i put the lid down and i'm like you know i'm really trying to pump it and it's not working i'm like [ __ ] so then i read online warm water and and dish soap so which is crazy so you it actually worked so i unloaded like a [ __ ] like a whole just i don't know whatever handle put a handle in myers dish soap you know into the toilet and then i pour hot water in and this is the best part is like after i do that i watch like some ladies advice on this i watch a you know hi joe the plumber guy here with tips on how to unplug i'm like okay this is my guy yeah he goes another technique i've read online is warm water and dish soap um i was skeptical of this because i don't i wasn't sure if it was gonna work this is right after i've done i'm like great okay he's like luckily it does work but i wouldn't recommend it because toilets aren't made for hot water and i put like boiling water in there so why does that matter i guess maybe porcelain i don't know but now i'm now i'm picturing like cool so i'm going to melt a a valve down there or a seal yeah this is going to be [ __ ] water all over the floor so um i walk i step away for like an hour because you just have to let it do its thing and i come back and the swamp water is completely gone so it's like a homemade drano yeah and i go oh sick dope and so i go to flush the toilet one time just to like get the excess it comes right back higher and i'm like uh now it's like it's like on the level where it's like it's gonna spill out i'm like what the [ __ ] dude now i'm like pissed you know because it's like 11 30 i just waited like an hour and a half for this doodoo water to go away and lean and i were trying to watch tv and i just [ __ ] can't because i'm like there's a toilet full of [ __ ] that's disgusting i can't and she's like maybe use like to she's like maybe use like the toilet brush and just like get aggressive maybe the like the clog is like right there i'm like oh she's like do that or you let the [ __ ] water just and i don't have to call the maintenance guy and just sound like a liar well i took a pee but then it came back it's like it's not because i took a gigantic deuce who cares i i don't know because the meat [ __ ] because i don't want the maintenance guy thinking that i take shits i just see these guys around and like you know i don't know bruh i don't know man they probably see way worse [ __ ] all the time a condominium build a building of people i know i know like you imagine the weird [ __ ] people do in their own places when they're like no but i just break [ __ ] i don't want to be one of those guys in their phone book that's like he's one of the [ __ ] who cares he's one of the big poopers you know whatever man so so whatever i just it was one of those things that's just who i am i'm like i just would rather take care of this on my own i won't have to ask somebody yeah i'll just make it happen and so i put on these [ __ ] mechanic gloves and these like throw away rubber gloves and i'm and i take the toilet brush and i'm like i put the lid down and i just and i'm like just getting in there and on the glove the tips of my fingers are touching the water like it's like it's like hitting the water and i'm just like i'm trying not to vomit no no it would have been that but because i put so much dish slope in there by the way after i put the myers handle in there i amazon primed simultaneously a another like handle of dish soap okay just in case so it luckily had shown up so like i dumped that in there put another you know tab of hot water in there you're really going in yeah i was like plumbing i was like that's some straight plumber [ __ ] yeah you know i was that was real fiance [ __ ] yeah just being a husband you know yeah that was husband training and so did you jam it out of there so i'm jamming the [ __ ] out of it and it doesn't smell like anything because the dish soap you know it just smells like you know armor all or whatever it smells good and and i'm just like and i can hear the bristles at the base i'm hitting the back wall of this toilet i'm in its guts yeah and then i'm like and it just goes and it all disappears i that made me feel bad i don't know what about that made me feel so bad but also that last part thinking about the the clot finally getting broken up i don't know what that was down oh god well so then you know so then we pour you know vinegar and and baking soda in there you know what just make it clean so just you know just to further clean whatever and then we pour some more cleaning solution down there and we just been you know you know and now it's smaller shits no i wasn't even inching it off not really candidly you know i just had a sit down pee yeah that's fair i do that actually quite often it's stay on twitter man it's the best yeah you put your pants down like a three-year-old you're like yeah that's [ __ ] i think you just sit there it's like you know and [ __ ] this is 40 when he's like i just she's like it doesn't even smell like [ __ ] in here and he's like i'm no i'm [ __ ] i just like nobody just like really wants alone time still in the toilet that's the only time he like really can play his game i'm like dude that's that's hilarious you just said it's my only time i get to just go un uninterrupted on tick tock you know yeah yeah we'll sit down pete you know so you know i'm sitting down there with my [ __ ] pants around my ankles like a five-year-old on my phone yeah and i pee and that's the embarrassing part you know i stand up and i'm just on my phone still one hand on my phone you know pulling up my little thing i hit the flush and this is oh someone [ __ ] hell man god where's this on someone was talking about standing up wiping because i guess a lot of people do that yeah what do you do well i sit on the toilet and wipe my ass which is seems normal to me like this is what i'm saying the other half like no matter what side you're on the other side seems [ __ ] insane yeah but i just the guy's response was funny when he said you guys sit down sit down and wipe is there not a toilet in the way oh yeah that's funny i do like a i do like a um like a a putting position so you do stand not stand i just get like a slight angle because i'm not trying to have my knuckles hit the you know but you don't sit you're not propped on the toilet anymore you're only you're supporting your own weight you're up like this slightly oh but you're you're yeah yeah leveraging on your calves yeah yeah yeah see that's [ __ ] weird to me you just lean over and then i do you know i'll hit that as well sometimes it just depends yeah i just you know i just don't like squeezing my my nuts in my junk like a oh excuse me i don't care look i'm sitting sitting right now tucked that's the michelangelo that's because i talked to before i came to the podcast got it got it taped my [ __ ] off yeah when baby told us that i was like you know god damn so much respect yeah for for just like just you know that's like commitment bro oh yeah it's just pain i bet you the first few times are very painful yeah it's probably one thing to get used to probably yeah it's probably something you get used to but you know like when you put pressure on your balls it like feels like you have to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all right and on that note we'll slip on over to the bonus what do we got prepped for the bonus today anything um we we can watch the media i'm gonna take it i'm gonna take a dusky okay i'm gonna drop a [ __ ] all right brb thanks guys tmgpod.com for some sophia merch yeah and love you see you guys next week yeah bye

Channel: Tiny Meat Gang

Views: 311,063

Rating: 4.966248 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: LrTE1Vkezs8

Length: 71min 53sec (4313 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 22 2020