Boyfriend's mum dumps me without his knowledge

[Music] hi relationships first of all i want to acknowledge how petty this is of me i have no doubt in my mind that the jealousy i'm feeling is completely uncalled for i just want to know how to deal with it so for years and years it has been my dream to visit japan i began learning japanese in elementary school and i am fascinated by their culture i cook japanese food read books in japanese and stay up to date with the culture as i'm graduating college in a few months i would love to have a travel the world vacation over the summer to japan but sadly it's just not possible i don't have that kind of money to make matters even worse in my junior year i was given the opportunity to study abroad there and even received a small scholarship but the degree plan i am it would not permit it my boyfriend of three years jack and his family late 50s are all aware of my love of japan and desire to visit and even the sensitive subject of the failed study abroad semester so when his parents surprised me by telling me about their trip to japan this summer i was confused and shocked jack has zero interest in going to japan he's told me as much since then and he didn't even know about the vacation until his parents told me the biggest problem is every time they make more plans in japan booking tickets meeting with tour guides adding another place to visit they make a big show of it to me and fill me in on every last detail maybe they think that it will be interesting to me but in reality it just upsets me and yes i know for a fact that i'm not invited they've made it very clear that it's just a family vacation they have also met with and hired a local translator to come on vacation with them they are paying for his vacation and his translating services and the selfish part of me wants to know why couldn't they have just used me i'm fluent jack and his family have taken lavish family trips for as long as i have known them they are very wealthy and have taken numerous enviable vacations the bahamas new york england france grand canyon whereas i have never been out of our home state and all the places they've been before seem like typical hot spots for tourists and travelers i just can't understand why they'd want to go to japan the one place that i've gushed about visiting for years to them and why they've decided to make a big publicity show about it i need your help on how to cope with this jealousy is it something that i should just suck up and deal with or should i speak to jack about it i feel like it's so trivial that telling him how i feel would be pointless i also want to know how to kindly tell his parents to stop mentioning every detail of their trip to me hi relationships thanks for all of your advice in my previous post to those of you giving me information on programs in japan thank you i took all of your advice to heart but unfortunately i already have a job in the stem field lined up to begin this summer and programs like those are not in the realm of possibilities anyway on to the actual update i talked to jack the night after i made my post i told him that i knew his parents meant well by it but the way they were constantly filling me in on the details of their trip made me more sad than interested at first jack didn't understand what i was trying to say or why hearing about the trip would upset me when i reminded him about my rejection from the study abroad program and the time he'd spend helping me work through that he was able to empathize a little more jack told me he recognized that his parents were albeit indirectly being rude by going out of their way to tell me about the vacation he said that gushing so much about a vacation to anyone who wasn't going was insensitive and if i asked them politely they would tone it down unfortunately he refused to talk to them himself i'd requested that he do so to get things resolved a little more smoothly but in the end it was up to me i decided to call ahead and visit jack's parents privately to have the conversation instead of during or after one of our dinners that would have been awkward i broached the subject with his parents by saying that i appreciated their thoughtfulness in trying to keep me updated on the vacation planning but that travel to japan was still a sore subject to me and hearing about it made me sad i spoke for a while about my dream to travel there the study abroad and how i was very regretful that the experience had impacted me so strongly it was incredibly selfish of me to get jealous so easily and i planned to work on my sensitivity in light of the issue i had hoped that by making the conversation more focused on my behavior than this it would deflect the blame from them and feel like less of a direct attack it did not work so well throughout my whole monologue they were completely silent as soon as i finished jack's mom said quite coldly i'm sorry you're offended i kept the conversation going for a few more minutes trying my hardest to reiterate that it wasn't their fault but i received only short cold responses jack's dad did not speak at all and walked out of the room as soon as i stood up to leave before i left i thanked his mother for speaking with me and said i'd see them at dinner during the week her only response was we'll see when i told jack about the confrontation he was confused by their reaction but changed his stance on the whole thing now he's saying that i was being unreasonable from the start and i should've been able to tell they would take it poorly as it was rude of me to mention it to them at all he insists that they would have had the same reaction if he had told them instead of me over the course of the week jack's parents never contacted me about dinner which the four of us usually have together weekly our dinner dates are always on wednesday so yesterday i decided to take the plunge and give his mom a call i asked if she was still on for our usual wednesday dinner and told her i'd been wanting to make a new recipe for them to try for a while now she said sorry that's not going to work and that was the end of the conversation so here's where i'm now hurt and completely confused his parents are ignoring me completely and my relationship with jack is strained since he vehemently denies supporting me at all i'm at a loss for what to do here i don't know why either of them reacted like this any advice is appreciated as always but i've decided to just see if time will mend the wounds in the meantime i'm reconsidering my relationship with all three of them edit jack's mom called me on the phone a couple of hours ago in a nutshell she told me very spitefully that they brought it up to me so frequently to make me jealous she said they were hoping i would eventually break down and beg them to pay for me to come that way they could show jack that i'm of a lesser social standing and not a good fit for him then she basically broke up with me for jack over the phone wtf i'm honestly at such a loss here maybe this was just a lie she made up because she was offended but even so it's incredibly hurtful i have no idea if jack knows about any of this but i don't care i'm done with him in them i do not want to be associated with such classist manipulative people this was such a terrific waste of three years of my life so i have generalized anxiety disorder which disrupted a lot of my life and naturally my parents are extremely protective of me i would get panic attacks go through extremely bad relationships and worry over nonsensical things they've told me all my life to not worry about getting a job and to just let them pay for things i would feel pretty guilty about this especially since my parents were always giving money to my bio dad to take care of my severely autistic bother and to my older sister who has a kid and has terrible money issues of her own from her own screw-ups she crashes cars got fired from work all the time and more so every chance i got i would try to get a job but my parents would always talk me out of it saying i'm not worried and that they would take care of it i was in high school so i didn't have much free time anyway this was fine as a teenager but now i'm 23 i'm constantly driving between campuses and my internship while also living an active social life and participating in the speech slash debate team which gives me a grant that covers half the tuition i make straight a's despite any trouble i run into and just today found out that since i turn 24 in september i qualify for a pell grant that will cover my tuition not to mention i'm only six classes away from graduating with my bae my anxiety is also 10 times better and i feel extremely accomplished even my speech coaches have told me they're so proud of how far i've come but every summer during my college years i would try to find a job and my parents would make me quit i only succeeded in keeping one job at a retail store and they decided to push me to babysitting my brother so much i had to quit for the family after i quit my babysitting duties suspiciously subsided i'm only allowed 200 a month for food expenses and gas and since i go to school every day back and forth in between my internship this isn't enough to sustain myself i try to bargain for more they say i need to budget i offer to get a job they say absolutely not thing is this is my last year my tuition is being paid for myself and i only take three classes a semester now this would be perfect to get a job to save up some money and to move out and transition to true independence i also have an amazing loving boyfriend who wants to take the next step and have me move in with him i'm delighted but my parents 100 do not approve despite him being so polite and making so much effort to get to know them he bought my little brother two expensive transformers toys and didn't receive any thank you from them at all much less bothered to even talk to him i feel so discouraged i tried hinting that i want to leave but they keep saying weird stuff like you're not done cooking yet and how i need to focus on my studies well i've been focusing on my studies and obviously they are fine when i told my step dad about potentially having good news about my grand money he immediately berated me no you're not moving out even though i wasn't even going to talk about it they put a lot of pressure on me to do impromptu milk runs in the middle of the night to take care of my brother while they go out they say i can come and go as i please but demand me to text me where i'm throughout the day and make extremely snide remarks on how i practically live at my boyfriend's even though they establish that it was supposed to be absolutely fine i'm getting sick of living here i get berated for hanging my bath towel in the incorrect towel rack have to stop at home to do the dishes between school and my internship even though i'm barely home enough to do the dishes anyway and i get fusted for not being home but when i am at home they don't even acknowledge my existence unless they need something i'm so tired of them seeing all my anxieties as me not being ready and not seeing the strides i could make on my own but i'm still conflicted i don't want to lose them i just want to move out and live my life freely and develop responsibility i feel weird that they aren't even letting me do that i don't feel like i'm even home here anymore edit wow i never imagined my post would get this big i'm extremely grateful for the advice and constructive criticism i do think my parents have slight narcissism issues but ultimately in their weird way they seem to think they are doing the best by me while also taking extreme advantage of the situation i'm applying to multiple part-time jobs and have been for a while but the advice everyone has given out has just reaffirmed that i must do this once i get a job and have a decent amount of income i'm going to let my mother know that i will move and that she can't say anything to change my mind i know she'll be pissed and that my stepdad will be enraged but i suppose that's the cost of seeking happiness i might schedule a therapist appointment in the meantime with someone who is quite familiar with how my mother can be and seek her advice as well thank you everyone again i truly appreciate the outside perspective so a lot has happened let me just say i appreciate everything you guys have told me i read your comments and it's amazing how many instances i ignored from my parents that was extremely wrong of them to do thank you so much for your advice and concerns i felt extremely vindicated but more than that i finally felt not crazy which was extremely important to me anyway on to the update so after reading all the comments i made the decision to apply to jobs i applied to all i could find and actually landed a decent paying job as a front desk associate also i got two grants from my school to pay for my entire tuition and have some extra money so yay i landed the job got my grant money and talked to my boyfriend we both agreed that i should move out and he was more than willing to have me move in for 500 a month i was thrilled and sat down with my parents they did not take it well they told me i couldn't live somewhere else and stay on their insurance they told me i was making the worst decision of my life and threatened to take me off all insurance and to cut me off completely as a person who has to take prozac every day to function like a normal human being this terrified me they told me they let me get a job this time even though i did it behind their backs but that moving out against the agreement they had with me we never had an agreement they simply told me that i had to live with them period this broke my heart and my boyfriend decided to talk with them next time with me this time bringing a financial planning paper we both worked on to show we thought about things and we had a budget and talked to his parents and they were thrilled and everything my parents shot me down again the entire meeting in front of my boyfriend my parents told me i was incapable of living on my own that i wouldn't last out there in the real world and that i never finished anything i sought out to do even though i'm a straight a student even though i got not one but two college grants even though i'm literally a state champion in speech and debate they guilted me and made me feel bad for wanting to move out accusing me of abandoning the family and told me flat out that i will fail period that i would not be able to accomplish anything and that i will be miserable i'm not even exaggerating they legit said i wouldn't accomplish anything i then tried to compromise and asked them if i was to still live at home to allow me to live a relatively free life to come and go and if they wanted me to quit my job give me a little bit more to live off of since i'm trying to make a life for myself out there nope they said i belonged at home period for the sake of me being home in case they needed me i don't mind helping out at all but home for the sake of just being around doing nothing writing this i still feel like i'm playing now disobeying them and feeling guilty for feeling upset at how they treated me i feel like i have to justify every sentence i say and that in itself isn't right i think they love me in their way but i couldn't live with them anymore at this moment i realized my parents would never look at me and see anything but the mistakes i've made in my life and see me as a crutch i was so sad i didn't have their support but i got out now i live with my boyfriend and things are good we are still packing but i have never felt happier i look forward to going home now i barely have panic attacks and my job is going very well i'm learning how to budget for bills and after fighting hard i managed to get my parents to keep me on medical insurance but i think i can make it work thanks again everyone for their advice just wanted to let you all know i took it and i don't regret it at all [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 49,761

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Keywords: reddit mil, reddit mother in law, reddit wedding, reddit girl, reddit, reddit marriage, mother in law, crazy mother in law, r/ mil, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ pregnancy, r/, r/askreddit, askreddit, askreddit mil, mil, askreddit pregnant, askreddit girl

Id: WGy9VxLP8J0

Length: 17min 41sec (1061 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 07 2020