The Proposal Thieves

my sister and her boyfriend are upset because my fiancé proposed to me and have started shaming us on social media my fiance Charlie my sister Kendall Kendall's boyfriend Jack background info Charlie and I have been together for six years and have lived together for three years we met in college our relationship is awesome I love him more than anything and I know he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with we are best friends we make a great team and we are really happy together so no problems there Kendall and I have always been close with had normal sisterly arguments and warred names but I love her and she's family I don't really know Jack that well but he seemed like a nice guy which obviously isn't the case and we've all gotten belong until now Kendall and Jack have been together for two years their relationship is rocky kendall has called me countless times because of fights breakups and drama I've always been her shoulder to cry on and I've supported her through everything as best I can she has gotten jealous of my relationship with Charlie saying things like she wishes she could have a perfect relationship like ours and she wishes she could have that connection with Jack recently within the last two months she started saying things like I should just steal Charlie from you and I wish Jack was more like Charlie I think Shelley and I would be a great match she started flirting with Charlie which made him super uncomfortable and overstep boundaries I was uncomfortable and upset with her behavior we had a serious talk and she broke down she told me she was going through a rough patch with Jack and wasn't handling it well she apologized to me and to Charlie and told me she knew what she did was wrong it wouldn't happen again etc Charlie and I talked about it and we decided to forgive her at the time of the incident Jack and Kendall were still going through a rough patch the incident two weeks ago Charlie invited close friends and family to dinner this included Jack and Kendall it was at the restaurant Charlie and I had our first date down to the exact table we sat at we had talked about marriage at great length so I had a feeling lo and behold charlie proposed to me it was perfect I was so happy I cried like a baby law our family and friends congratulated us Kendall seemed super excited she gushed about how cute it was started talking about the wedding and hugged us both the only person who didn't seem happy for us was Jack he told Kendall that he wanted to go home and they left early fast forward a few days Kendall texted me and she was P she called me a dirty traitor and a disgusting see I was like WTF I asked her why she was upset she claimed I was trying to ruin her relationship and then stopped replying to my texts I texted jack and asked him WTF was going on he told me that he was planning to propose to Kendall at dinner at first I felt bad because maybe he had planned something beforehand and maybe it was just a huge misunderstanding but apparently Jack wasn't even planning to propose to Kendall until we got to the restaurant he saw how nice the restaurant was our friends and family were there and decided hey this is perfect he thought it would help them out of their rough patch which is a horrible idea because marriage doesn't magically fix relationships but then Charlie proposed and stole his thunder he didn't even have a ring Charlie had been planning that proposal for months he's had the ring for six months made the reservations two months before her invited all of our family and friends even the staff of the restaurant was in on the proposal he put a lot of thought into it and I don't think Jack's eat of the moment decision to propose is more important than Charlie's carefully planned proposal I'm actually upset that Jack would make something that's special and important into something dramatic and all about him I didn't apologize Charlie and I talked about it he agrees and doesn't think we should apologize the aftermath since then Kendall and Jack haven't talked to us which is fine by itself but that's not the end of it both of them have been shaming us on social media twisting the story to make themselves look like victim and have even coined us the proposal thieves mutual friends and even some family are disgusted with us they believe Jack and Kendall's story even after I've tried to explain what really happened as funny as it is to be called the proposal fees it's not so funny to have friends and family turned against you I'm really upset that my own sister would do this Charlie has been super supportive and sweet through this mess we both agree that we shouldn't apologize and have been standing our ground honestly after everything kendall has done I'm pretty much fed up with her she's my sister and I love her but after she tried to seduce my boyfriend and now this I don't really have a desire to talk to her anymore which sucks because we've always been close I think Jack has turned her into this horrible self-absorbed person and it's just a bTW I'm not talking to Kendall right now and have no plans to talk to her until we receive a sincere apology even then I think I might limit contact if she stays with Jack what do you think what is what should we do how should we handle this advice perspective anything my girlfriend Sammy and I have been together a bit over a year she's absolutely wonderful smart attractive driven educated kind and goofy she's everything I've ever wanted and up until last week I thought my family felt the same way last week I went to my parents house for dinner we get together as a family a few times a month it's been a tradition with us for years now Sammy usually joins us for these dinners but had work obligations I told my family she wouldn't be joining us at night halfway through dinner I got up to go to the bathroom and Sammy texted me that she was outside she got off work early and came over to hang out she would have normally walked in which is normal but she needed help bringing in some gifts Sammy is leaving tomorrow for a work trip and a personal vacation to see some friends so she won't be back until Thanksgiving my brother and sister too have their birthday next week and my girlfriend had gifts for them at this point my family had no idea Sami was there we walked inside and headed to the kitchen and we overhead my family talking my sister was saying that she was glad my girlfriend was gone because she couldn't stand a family night being ruined by my girlfriend being annoying my brother and other sister agreed about how annoying and all Phil my girlfriend is my dad made a comment about how they should be nice to Sami and my mom chimed in with Sami is nice and all but I can't believe family sucks ro likes how fat she is he can do so much better my family even my dad agreed and my sister piped up that I was dating down because I'm still rebounding from my last girlfriend which was five years ago I was floored my family has always been so nice to Sami and I've never heard them talk badly about her I've never heard my family say mean things about anyone to be honest Sami walked into the kitchen and dumped the presents on the counter she was crying and mumbled something about happy birthday and then took off out the door my family looked shocked and a bit embarrassed I asked my family what was wrong with them and didn't stick around for an answer I went after Sami she was in her car crying now Sami is usually tough but family is super important to her she has no family aside from an alcoholic dad that she doesn't have any contact with my family was like her surrogate family and something she always wanted she was overjoyed when my family welcomed her and invited her to family events the present she brought my sister and brother were paintings she had spent many hours working on and yes she is fat but I prefer thick girls always have to me she's gorgeous and exactly what I like but even then she's lost about 40 pounds since we started dating I would love her at any weight and I'm proud of the work she's done I have no idea what they mean about her being annoyed she comes when she's invited usually brings baked goods okay she's taken my family out to dinner multiple times and is extremely generous with them she's even become the go-to babysitter for my sister and her two kids and she helped my brother get a job in her company she pushed really hard to get him hired and put her professional reputation on the line she's never asked for repayment or holds it over anyone she even does her dishes when we come over for dinner the thing that makes this even worse as I was planning on proposing to her in the next few months I had planned on asking my sister's to come with me to pick out her ring now Sammy hasn't said much about it and hasn't talked to me much about this incident she has always wanted a family and she doesn't understand why my family doesn't like her or what she's done wrong she said she talked to me more when she gets back from her trip I don't want to lose her over this I would take her over my family Sammy hasn't been her usual cheerful self this week and I've caught her crying more than once since this incident I try to comfort her but she tries to play that she's fine at this point I have no idea if I even want them in my life all of them have reached out to me with weak apologies full of justifications I asked my mom if she had apologized to Sammy and my mom said I could pass on the apology to be fair to them all of them did feel bad about what happened and seemed extra embarrassed about this but no one can give me exact reasons why she's annoying or how she's ruined family nights my dad is the only reasonable one that has offered to apologize to some II directly what do I do I don't want to get rid of my family but Sammy matters more to me at this point I want Sonny to know I'm fully in her corner and I don't want her to feel guilty if I have to cut out my family a few people have messages me for an update so I thought would post first thank you for all the kind words and great ideas it really helped me get some perspective on the situation first off Sammy and I had a wonderful Thanksgiving we spent it out of town in a small skiing town it was a great weekend and we spent a lot of time talking in discussing what to do about my family Sammy was still pretty hurt over the matter but was adamant that I shouldn't cut all ties with my family I told her that all depended on my family my mom was in denial that I wouldn't be coming to Thanksgiving after my last post a letter no Sammy and I wouldn't be attending she brushed it off until the day before Thanksgiving when she called to make sure I was bringing pie I reminded her I wouldn't be at dinner and she broke down crying she told me she was sorry for hurting Sammy and would like the chance to apologize I'll let her know she'd have a chance after Thanksgiving after we got back from our Thanksgiving trip my parents came over for dinner I had okayed this with Sammy she thought my parents deserved a chance to make this right and frankly I think she really wanted to mend things with my family dinner was awkward to say the least my dad started out by offering Sammy a genuine apology he told her he was extremely embarrassed and genuinely wanted to make things up to her they had a nice chat the talk with my mom well that went okay my mom cried through most of it and tried to reinforce that she was very sorry I couldn't tell if she was sorry or just upset that I was taking Sunnyside I don't think Sammy was convinced either a few days after dinner my mom called Sammy and asked her to lunch to talk by themselves several comments in my last post mentioned that my family probably felt Sammy was annoying simply because they felt intimidated all projecting their own issues on her I think that was spot on Sammy went to lunch with my mom they had a very long good talk about everything she said my mom felt jealous that Sammy was so educated and had the chance to get an education and Sammy admitted to being jealous that my mom has a big family Sammy opened up to my mom about the situation with her own family and living on her own since she was a teenager I think that hid my mom very hard because she's always been surrounded by a big loving family and I think she was horrified by her own behavior towards Sammy who wanted to be a part of the family overall I think things are better between my parents and Sammy my younger sister reached out to Sammy after Thanksgiving I don't think any of my siblings expected me to ditch family dinner and I heard they were pretty upset I went on vacation instead my sister apologized over the phone I don't know if it was enough but it was a good step Sammy says she's feeling pretty neutral about my youngest sister she said she feels like my sister is more sorry she was caught but Sammy appreciated the apology my brother had to endure a very uncomfortable few weeks at work while Sammy was traveling I think by Thanksgiving he was confident that Sammy wasn't going to screw with his job when Sammy got back to work after our vacation he went to her office to apologize again I think he apologized just to appease us but he did it in person and didn't try to cop out like my sister Sammy feels neutral about him my other sister my brothers twin is the only holdout she hasn't given Sammy an apology and seems P that she no longer has a built-in free babysitter she's doubled down and said she has nothing to apologize for and Sammy is the one causing troubles this has caused a bit of a rift in my family my parents would like Sammy and I to come to Christmas dinner but I'm not interested in being around my sister right now and I'm not going to subject Sammy to that my parents have even suggested that my sister should stay home to make us more comfortable incoming while I appreciate the sentiment I would feel guilty about my sister being alone on Christmas her kids will be with their dad Sammy and I have plenty of offers from friends my sister would probably not be able to find a place to go on short notice Sammy has told my parents she would rather not create a bigger rift and will come over at another time Sammy told me privately that while she has forgiven my family she's not all the comfortable hanging out my family just yet I'm perfectly okay with this I feel like taking some time from my family will be a good thing Sammy and I are still deciding where to go on Christmas probably to my best friend's house the best part of the update my best friend's wife went ring shopping with me she let me go to all the chain stores and balked at the prices for the same ring in every store she eventually took me to a local jeweler and we discussed a custom ring the jeweler completely understood what I wanted and I decided she would be great at designing a ring she's pretty backed up with orders and said she'd be able to get to it in January a few nights ago she texted me a picture of a stone she had found to see if it fit what I had in mind Sammy saw the text and it led to an impromptu proposal she said yes so now I have a fiance we haven't really told anyone yet I'll tell my family at some point but for now I'm enjoying sharing this time with her so things are okay better than I hope since my last post I'm very sad about my sister because I miss her and her kids and I miss my family but I feel good about my decisions I feel like things will get better with my family except my sister in time Sammy liked the idea of a destination wedding next summer but we haven't even started any planning yet Sammy told me after everything that's happened with my family she feels confident that I have her back and that she finally has me as a true family

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 392,381

Rating: 4.9273806 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit proposal, reddit family, reddit marriage, reddit propose, reddit sister, reddit, reddit woman, askreddit, askreddit family, askreddit proposal, askreddit engagement, reddit engagement, askreddit sister, sister jealous of my engagement, jealous, r/askreddit, r/, reddit relationship, relationship advice

Id: bQDCYAT-4JM

Length: 16min 47sec (1007 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 03 2020