Mother in law makes my pregnancy all about herself

i'm 36 weeks with baby number one an ivf baby that we've gone to hell helen back to get here my just know mother-in-law is becoming increasingly more neurotic as my due date nears she will be a first-time grandma and her baby rabies is ducking frightening she's a just know in every sense of the term from boundary stomping to demanding we become closer to talking mad crap about me behind my back sending flying monkeys telling dear husband and me to my face that she wanted someone better for him because i don't cook often i'm getting my mha work full time in a leadership role for a big tech company have been through losing baby ivf over the last one and a half years and manage our household while dear husband works 24-hour shifts yeah i don't cook much because dear husband is never home and i don't have the ducking time right now she was a stay-at-home mom and has infantilized her two sons 34 and 38 their entire lives she texts dear husband 487 times per day knowing he works in an or and does not give a crap about distracting him she even told me during my miscarriage what a burden that child would have been and it's a blessing i lost the baby because who wants to take care of a disabled child she made the entire first year of our marriage absolutely hell with boundary stomping and demands for a relationship with me which she had she's never happy no matter what i could honestly go on about her for weeks total ducking just no so dear husband's cousin gives birth this morning at 2 am to her ivf baby just know mother-in-law starts texting cousin her niece whom she always talks bad about at 7am for photos cousin sends two photos and says baby's big brother will be meeting baby soon and they'll be busy with their immediate family mother-in-law asks them to send pictures of the siblings meeting okay great sure 1pm rolls around mother-in-law sends the following text to cousin within group text for all of us to see mother-in-law hey cousin niece where is our picture this is less than 12 hours after this poor mama gave birth she was preeclamptic mother-in-law knew this does not care dear husband an md knows how tired crappy cousin feels to mother-in-law in separate texts cousin gave birth less than 12 hours ago why are you hounding her for photos mother-in-law two hours later would you ducking butt out such a bpd narc response for someone who loves to act so proper to the rest of the world dear husband has no idea what to say to her because he's finally coming out of the fog and realizing how just know his mother is he sees how hopeless it is to respond she has never and will never take ownership of her behavior i should add he's in therapy learning to deal with this thank god now i'm really freaked the duck out i'm due in four weeks and we've already tried to set ground rules for labor and delivery hospital visitors etc we sent our wishes to mother-in-law and father-in-law via email never responded i thought about sending a follow-up email but now i don't see the point she won't even acknowledge the first email mother-in-law loves to say i forgot or i didn't know that was also a boundary or she flat out denies we've asked her for boundaries she also loves to say she's old and doesn't want to deal with a war whenever we try to enforce consequences for stomped boundaries she says we don't handle things this way in our family well now we do mother-in-law you all need to drop this and just move on okay but we'll have to move on without you i am not above having hospital security drag her out of labor and delivery if she shows up and i'm not above calling the police if she shows up unannounced to my house i will die on any god dang hill if it means keeping this witch in check but i really don't want to deal with her postpartum and dear husband still needs some guidance when it comes to dealing with her what do we say to her do i send the follow-up email in light of her behavior today i guess we need to keep my labor and delivery a secret we already told her and father-in-law that we will not accept visitors at the hospital during labor or 24 hours after delivery and that our phones will be turned off so don't bother texting 400 times we're moving next weekend to a temp place while our house is built and i don't think we'll be sharing that address just yet i'm not afraid to be stern with her but nothing we've said has made any impact over the last five years nothing changes no matter what we say or do any advice dear husband and i called father-in-law to discuss mother-in-law's behavior he went on a long tirade that was very confusing and ran in circles about how he doesn't want to tell us what to do but was telling us what to do he said our email was offensive and he didn't deserve that we told him it wasn't necessarily geared towards him but instead mother-in-law he said either way it was rude he kept saying we just need to ignore her and that would be not tolerating her uh no he has to deal with her when she loses her crap and that's all he really cares about so of course he'd love it if we ignored her but you can't ignore this relentless woman he said we don't fight like this in our family listen a-whole you don't fight like this because you've let your wife treat you and your sons like infants for their entire lives and here we are i told him well in my family i will not be told what to do disrespected or put up with boundary stomping and childish outbursts from a 68 year old woman he didn't have much to say after that and i told him either she straightens up or i won't be around her and that means she won't be around baby girl dear husband blocked his parents and i'm so glad he's doing okay though i know it hurts him he does seem more calm and focused prior to her blocking him she sent a barrage of super dramatic passive aggressive texts saying things like don't worry i won't intrude ever and what a joyous occasion this will be referring to my daughter being born and her being told to back the f off she also sent a text to cousin in a group text to all of us and said i'm so glad your entire family can be there with you cousin what a blessing totally aimed at me and dear husband she won't know when i go into labor and i'm not sure how long we will wait to tell her after baby is born we sold our house and moved to a temporary gated townhouse they don't have the address and may never and the best part it's a three-story townhouse with a duck ton of stairs mother-in-law can't do stairs the front door is on the lowest level and the living room is on the second sorry mother-in-law you can't come over because stairs right she can climb stairs but she's very unstable probably on purpose and loves the attention she gets from her sons helping the damsel in distress we also terminated the contract on our new house and we're looking for something further away and in a gated community i feel better with an extra layer of security around us i'll still lock the place down like fort knox we won't even tell them about the terminated contract i'm just going to let her think we're still moving there dear husband and i have felt calm since blocking mother-in-law father-in-law despite this insane move and downsizing from three thousand square feet to fifteen hundred prepping for baby and dealing with my limitations at 37 weeks prego s i joint dysfunction inability to walk good times ever since my husband sent an email to his parents about our rules surrounding our little one's birth mother-in-law has hardly spoken to me and dear husband last night the eve of our little one c-section mind you i'm terrified of my c-section happening in seven hours we drop our dogs off at mother-in-law and father-in-law's i am on modified bed rest but new mother-in-law had asked dear husband for a short visit when he dropped off the dogs and knew she was going to give dear husband crap so i went with him thinking if i was there she wouldn't say anything to him i didn't want dear husband dealing with family problems the night before little one's birth as he is still working to come out of the fog and his mother still deeply affects him she loves to lay the guilt on thick my plan backfired we get there and mother-in-law doesn't even acknowledge me i'm literally barely walking because i'm so big and in so much pain she doesn't even bother to say hi i park myself in the living room she sits in silence for 30 minutes while father-in-law makes small talk with us finally she pipes up and says i'm just going to tell you both how i feel i felt my heart rate shoot up i'm sitting there with my swollen ass feet up clearly nervous about my c-section and all she can think about is her feelings she proceeds to tell us that she finds it awful that we won't let her come see the baby for 15 minutes after she's born my c-section is scheduled for 4 30 p.m by the time we get to our room who knows what time it will be or if i'm even coherent i ducking break and sternly state this is not about you she just keeps saying well this is how i feel i burst into tears and told her she doesn't get first dibs on my child in the hospital and it's not out of the ordinary for people to ask for 24 hours to get settled before having visitors we only asked for 24 hours then she tells us we said no visitors whatsoever which is ducking nonsense because we emailed texted and talked to her in person about the 24-hour rule she's forgetting because she's not getting her way i am sobbing at this point and gathering my crap and walking out the door i tell her she's the meanest ducking woman i've ever met and how dare she pull this crap the night before my daughter is born i said she's the most overbearing inconsiderate intrusive person i know she birthed two babies and it's my turn to do it my way she did not give two cents about anything i said and proceeds to say you will get three days to bond with the baby in the hospital and i get nothing isn't there a window we can look at her through what about that my husband stands up and says this is how you attempt to get 15 minutes with the baby no one said you can't visit we just asked for time to get settled because op is going to have major surgery she says nothing i get my dog and walk outside bawling my eyes out father-in-law says nothing dear husband and i get in the car with my dog who we now have to scramble to find care for thank god for good friends he is in shock he finally sees her for who she really is he tells me we may need to move to a new city he says every happy moment we've had has been overshadowed by mother-in-law's nonsense i'm like finally when we told mother-in-law we wanted to get married and would be engaged within the year she ran out of the room crying and called her best friend and cried tears of sorrow father-in-law just kept saying wow when i was planning my wedding which i paid for entirely she sent her flying monkeys to tell me i wasn't including her this bee never asked me a single question about the wedding for the year that i planned it when i picked out my dress alone i told her about it and she ignored me i invited her to our tasting session and she came but pouted the whole time and said no more than two words not like her the babble mouth that can't stop talking i let her make the flower arrangements for our rehearsal dinner which she ended up paying for but was upset that she didn't get to plan the whole thing she asked to plan it two months before our wedding it had already been planned out of necessity for six months on my wedding day she never complimented me she walked right past me grabbed my maid of honor's face and said you are just so beautiful and walked away when we started fertility treatments she pestered us so much we put her on an info diet and she continued to pester and cross boundaries asking the most inappropriate questions ever i finally told her that her questions were the equivalent of asking when we had s didn't make a difference when i had a miscarriage she asked if i was technically still pregnant right now and suggested the miscarriage was a mistake several weeks later she told me what a burden a disabled child would be and thank god i lost the baby never once asked me how i was doing we moved on to ivf and she continued with the barrage of questioning asking every day did you put the egg in yet i corrected her more times than once telling her it's an embryo i wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret but we went to dinner and she kept shoving a drink menu in my face asking if i wanted one over and over and over finally we just told her i'm pregnant but she can't tell anyone she said she didn't know if she could keep it a secret she didn't still over the last year and throughout my pregnancy i have tried to keep the peace and bite my tongue around her i have been shopping with her did a special gender reveal for her on her birthday and have tried to be this woman's friend all for nothing for her to put another black cloud over a joyous moment in my life i grew up with very just no parents as a child every happy moment was ruined with a fight or some kind of abuse having a mother-in-law like her makes my insane parents look semi-normal i nearly broke no contact last night to call my mother as i was so distraught but didn't thankfully she's done so much more than this but it's too much to type thanks if you made it this far i am petrified of my c-section today and no one seems to understand why this woman is the way she is i am going to try to have a calm day and get excited for the birth of my daughter but i can't help but feel so sad that once again she's done this to me and dear husband my girlfriends have been asking with sincere curiosity why is she like this is something wrong with her yes yes something is wrong with her c-section went uneventful and my daughter is gorgeous she looks exactly like me and i'm so glad i did not want to give mother-in-law the pleasure of having a child that looked like her in any way we are 11 days postpartum and things have been good minus the recovery whoever said c-section recovery is easy is lying i'm not on any pain meds at this point but still so damn weak i can only be on my feet for minutes at a time hubby is off for a month so thank god for that anyway in my morphine-induced stupor we allowed mother-in-law and father-in-law to come to the hospital two nights after baby was born it was pretty last minute and late and that was on purpose mother-in-law didn't ask how i was par for the course and i was laid up in bed hardly moving looking like complete crap and in clear pain yet still no sympathy from her she awkwardly held the baby below her ducking fupa and nearly hit baby girl's head on the floor trying to adjust patted her butt so aggressively i was cringing then handed her off to father-in-law she was clearly nervous to be around me and damn it i loved every second of it little one started fussing pretty bad and someone handed her off to me she calmed right down that's right b mommy is best mother-in-law cut the visit short after about 30 minutes great bye-bye didn't smile the entire time fast forward to 10 hours after we get home i get a text from her asking if she could come over to stare at the baby and bring a pot roast i said i'm not sure i need to ask dear husband but we just got home and we are nowhere near settled she predictably offers to help with the baby so we could sleep baby is three days old i said nope i'm nowhere near ready for someone else to care for her she texts dear husband and says she knew she shouldn't have asked to see the baby but she couldn't help it come to find out she already asked dear husband to come over and he said no she then went to me to ask dear husband then gets a text from her that says heartbroken wow must be exhausting being so miserable all the time it has been nothing but ducking tripping and psycho behavior since then she won't text me but text dear husband with lines like you are ripping my guts out and don't keep the baby from me and then when she realized we weren't going to cave with her at least let your father come over you have devastated him my husband is very sensitive to all of this crap with her talk about enmeshment he's smart enough to understand the concept so he can remove the emotional side of it in order to see logic but it still hurts him after a week of this crap i went off me to father-in-law since apparently he is trying to police her unsuccessfully we have all had enough of mother-in-law's guilt-tripping and blatant crossing of boundaries she continues to text dear husband incessantly at no point has she bothered to inquire as to how any of us are doing this is all about her apparently she is the only person in our very large group of family and friends acting like a complete and utter psychopath regarding this child is it so far beyond her to show compassion support love and respect for us during this time i will not tolerate it and the more it goes on the longer i will shield my child from her extreme and toxic behavior she owes us a massive apology for the stunt she pulled the night before little one was born this has to stop or we will cut contact with her completely at this point she is harassing us if it takes a call to the police to get her to stop so be it no answer guilt-tripping texts continue to my dear husband including one really creepy one about her wanting to bathe my child and do all this stuff with her that only a mother would do um no you ducking freak she'd probably try to breastfeed her honestly next day me to mother-in-law after one absolutely ridiculous text to my dear husband i was raging pissed and we were at dinner with little one trying to enjoy our first outing leave us alone you are the only person in our lives causing stress and negativity you try to ruin anything that you can't be a part of i have never met such an emotionally unintelligent adult little one's birth is not about you she is not your child i will never forgive you for what you did the night before little one's birthday and frankly i don't ever want to see you again we get that it's extremely difficult for you to show compassion love respect and support for us while we learn to become parents we get it it's all about mother-in-law all the time guess what not now this time is about me dear husband and little one figuring out our life as a new family it does not concern you i am trying to heal from surgery sleep breastfeed and more everyone else has been happy to respect our space except you if we don't want visitors that is our choice you are a textbook narcissist and you have zero remorse for your actions i have had enough of you get out of my life i will be damned if you ever treat my daughter the way you treat your son and daughter-in-law in your own words to your own son butt the duck out i get that the caps are over the top but i was pissed and had a beer in me oh well no answer of course she then continued to tell dear husband via text how horrible we were for keeping the baby from her we are keeping the baby from everyone when dear husband directly asked for an apology she deflected and said we threatened her if she came to the hospital uninvited again never did just said you can't come uninvited give us time to get our heads on straight after surgery etc she will never apologize and i don't even care if she does at this point dear husband finally tells her i'm done entertaining this mess and blocked her dear husband went to an emergency therapy appointment today because he is really struggling when he got home he said he'd built it up in his head that the entire session would consist of them discussing his mother and solutions but that in reality there was nothing to discuss she is the way she is and she will never change it's up to us to manage her however we see fit so fine that means she and father-in-law are never welcome in our house baby will never be alone with her and frankly i will be baby wearing my girl so that she can't get her grubby creepy hands all over my kid she can stare all she wants i broke no contact with my own just no mother to go very low contact and allow her to see her granddaughter surprisingly it has gone well and my mother is super grateful for photo updates and thinks my mother-in-law is wrong for forcing herself on us while we try to get the hang of the baby my mother actually said mother-in-law has met her match with you it's true if anyone won't back down to her nonsense it's me mother-in-law prides herself on forcing people to be her friend among other weird crap and says out loud that she's relentless well i hate to break it to you mother-in-law i'm younger and more relentless and i think she's starting to realize that

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 16,832

Rating: 4.9226308 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit mil, justnomil, r/justnomil, reddit, r/askreddit, mother in law, reddit parents, r/girl, askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit mil, r/mil, r/, best of reddit, top videos, reddit videos

Id: X5LF8GD-W80

Length: 22min 5sec (1325 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 27 2021