I don't want my father and his mistress at my mother's funeral

my parents divorced ten years ago my father initiated it he was seeing someone else and wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side I neither ant for or against his reasoning that I was against how he treated my mother after they finalized their separation one key event that stands out is in deliberating how assets or other debt was divided my father promised my mother that he'd still around still be in her life even be friends and see if they could rekindle their marriage but only if my mother took every penny of debt my mother was naive to agree to it because once the divorce was finalized my father was on a plane in a matter of days off to live his new life it should be obvious that man of us were happy with my father and I've been no contact the entire time my mother passed three weeks ago she is survived by my two siblings and died I was in charge of the funeral I knew some of my cousins on my mother's side blamed my mother for their divorce and actively stayed in touch with my father imagine that my mother's family took my father's side in all of this I also knew there would be a nonzero chance my father would show up and if he did it would not be to pay his respects so I hired security for the funeral and church service long story short my father and his new wife showed up they were barred entry one of my aunts got very upset and caused a scene and let slip her daughter my cousin invited him so I had security escort my cousin out of the funeral - this event has caused a rift between families or at least in big gin the one already there a few of my aunts and a lot of my cousins think I went overboard some even removing me from Faso book was either in this situation for what it's worth I was not super close to those who were ejected from the funeral nor the ones who caused a fuss I can live a happy life having zero contact with them again so I've lost nothing I'm still no contact with my father who throw out for the funeral there's nothing I'm really hiding here I was the one who knew about the affair because my father left his email open at home when he went off to work and me being an amateur team decided to snoop in them his mistress now wife tried to convince him of fantasy things my mother did and tried to turn him against her things like she would ask my dad something my mother did to him that was maybe insignificant at the time and twisted it around so it became a bigger deal like one instances when I was much younger my mother went to bingo without telling him my dad was the sole income maker at the time my mum want a fair bit of money but my dad was upset she never told him she went beforehand with his money something that was resolved ten years prior and which was insignificant in the grand scheme of things she blew it up to bigger than it was many such cases like this she blew things up to convince him to leave my mom this is why I don't fault my dad for the divorce or separation I fully blamed the other woman it sucked being 17 at the time but that's life people get divorced and it's not my place to get in the middle of my parents relationship however I was upset with his behavior after the fact and the one event I mentioned much of my mom's extended family are more traditional and view divorce as a tragedy no matter the circumstances they blame my mum for not trying harder to keep the marriage together once the divorce was finalized my mother became an outcast to most of her family this is why a lot of them favored my dad because he convinced my mom that she was why their marriage fell apart he was a textbook manipulator I twenty-eight female was with my ex-husband for about six years during this time we were trying for a baby but had no success about four years into our marriage our marriage had a rough patch my ex had stress had work and slept with his cow walker to back won't relieve it he confessed to me rather quick and a week later they sat me down and told me they were expecting a child I was an idiot back then and so I felt like I should forgive him because I truly believed he loved me and I thought I had no one it wasn't my ex's family treated me like their own but my ex is supposed daughter was the apple of their eye as a result of that my exs cow Walker was frequent presence in our lives they felt like they had to include the mom of their grandchild for everything too and she made her way in every family picture in memory it didn't help that I suspected that the cow Walker had feelings for my ex and flirted with him when she can people thought that she was my exs wife constantly and I finally had enough when during the baby girl's first birthday party when I was told to take a picture of my ex his mistress his daughter and his parents and it didn't include me it hit me that I was now treated as the other woman and I realized that I deserved more than this nonsense I filed for divorce a few months later and left it was the hardest time of my life but I ended up getting a promotion at work and met this sweet wonderful guy fast forward to now me and my boyfriend are madly in love and I gave birth to an adorable baby girl that I considered a miracle baby I got pregnant with my boyfriend like three months after dating him and I thought that it was strange that this could happen since my previous failed attempts with ex and had thought that I was the infertile one it crossed my mind then that maybe he was the infertile one and he only believed mistress was pregnant with his child because they were having an affair I didn't say anything though because it was not my place anymore however my boyfriend was so happy about my daughter's birth and posted it on Facebook and tagged me in the post I was still friends with my ex salon Facebook and she saw the post she called me up and said that she was hurt that I didn't let her know that I could actually get pregnant and the lack of child during my first marriage could be my ex's fault he took a paternity test the poor baby girl was never my ex's the cow walker apparently was dating this back quote terrible guy during the time she slept with my ex and didn't know who the child's father was so she just strung my ex along cause she had feelings for him and thought he'd be the best father for her child now my ex blames me for not telling him that I was pregnant way before and him having to father this girl he's doing pretty bad now and I can't help but feel guilty like i sholde told him I don't think I have to prove my story and I honestly posted this not to seek validation that my ex supposedly is the worst ever but to gain perspective since my ex and his family were my family and close confidants for a large period of my life we were pretty close and I had promised to keep in touch after the divorce which they were super upset about but I really couldn't after everything that happened between us they are now super P at me for the divorce and for being complicit in my ex taking on the expenses of his not daughter and forming a paternal connection with her for longer than he sholde edit so here's what's been happening right now I haven't spoken to them after this and have been avoiding my ex's calls he texted me saying that he is sorry and overreacted and felt guilty about prioritizing back quote people who were never really family over me I only replied with asking how his daughter is because even though she isn't biologically hers she's still his girl she seems like an adorable kiddo and adores her dad my ex back will test mistress is able to support the girl financially so my ex won't contribute to that but he says that he's still going to see her every month because he feels morally obligated to I feel bad for the girl so much because she seems to have lost her family unit dat grandparents cousins anyways I'm 26 female getting married next June and it's been a massive struggle with my mom stepdad dad and stepmom basically I don't have the best relationship with my dad already he cheated on my mom when I was 14 and later married his mistress who's my current stepmom although I don't call her any sort of mom they have three kids together over the years my own siblings have become really close to his kids but I haven't so now that I'm getting married the initial pressure was on me to invite his entire family despite me not getting along with his wife at all I decided along with my fee on K that we will only invite my dad for my siblings sake that his wife and kids will not be invited to our wedding this caused huge uproar with my siblings and eventually I was further pressured to invite his kids but only to the latter half of the reception and not the ceremony I stood my ground I sent an email explaining my logic and decision to the entire extended family in case anyone was confused why I did not want these people at my ceremony anyways just last week my dad calls me and says he won't be coming to my wedding after all after how rude I've been to his wife and kids and how my email supposedly humiliated them he says he'll be going on vacation with them that week and will send his gift through mail instead I told him if that's his choice don't bother contacting me for the rest of his life because I won't answer because I'm not letting him abandon me a second time mi v.a for this threat my fiancé is fully on my side but my siblings have called me heartless even my mom who's the sweetest personal ID has questioned my tactics thanks my ex-husband 32 and I 33 were together 13 years married for 7.5 we had two beautiful daughters who are now six and almost four in early 2018 I was fighting to save the marriage and he was being stand a fish cold borderline emotionally ER and refusing to communicate or work with me one day in early March I decided I had had enough I asked him to leave and he was happy to go we have always been on the same page as far as copper and ting amicably not using the children as weapons fair visitation etc he's a great father but a terrible partner May 2018 I find out he's dating someone seems a little fast to me but not a big deal she's someone he knew from work he promised nothing was happening when we were still married and I believed him June 2018 he informs me she's pregnant doing some rough math by the due date they conceived six weeks after he moved out again not great decision-making on his part it's a lot for the kids to process when they don't even fully understand why their parents don't live together anymore July 2018 the bomb drops I find out that not only was he sleeping with this girl six months before he and I even split up he had previously gotten her pregnant and taken her foreigner a few months before I asked him to move out this was tough to deal with I don't think a person ever really recovers from that devastating blow to their self-esteem I have always encouraged my kids to have a relationship with this woman her existing children and the new baby however I don't care to have a relationship with her at this point I might get there but I'm just not there yet I have been struggling with my mental health lately and I'm trying my best to just deal with the day-to-day sometimes I have primary physical custody of the kids I have two jobs three dogs and I take care of our previously shared house on my own I have a lot on my plate ex-husband moved in with his parents after the split almost 15 months on he's still living there his parents have a pool six-year-old wants a pool party slumber party for her birthday this week we planned the party so that the kids can go swimming it is parents place then walk the two blocks to my house and have the slumber party at my place I planned it this way in the interest of peaceful cooperating so that my six-year-old knows that even though her parents are split we will always be family x informs me this week that he wants mistress to be at the party I said no I'm not mentally ready for that yet to be clear I don't have a problem with him having a girlfriend I've been dating someone for ten months I just haven't developed the strategies to deal with my anger that I feel toward this particular woman he told me that she's family now and I need to learn how to deal with it he also stated it's his call because it's his house am i pay for putting my foot down and saying I'm just not ready for this yet I don't want my kids to see me upset on what's supposed to be a happy day when he asked me earlier in the week if he could invite her I offered to just change the party venue to my house and he told me not to now two hours before the party he is telling me she is coming my ex-husband and I were married for five years three years into the marriage I found out he was cheating on me through text messages he begged me to take him back and that he would never do it again I took him back more for the sake of our very young son he was to another time we even did marriage counseling a year later I found out he was still cheating on me with the same girl I ended it I have custody the majority of the time my ex gets two weekends a month I hate him but I try to keep it civil for the sake of our son and try not to talk badly about him in front of our son it's been 8 months since our divorce was finalized and he is getting married to his mistress apparently she is pregnant so they are rushing it last week he calls me up about the date of the wedding a date in October saying he wants our son to be there the date of the wedding is one a weekend I have custody to the day of his cousin's my sister's son seventh birthday party my son is very close his cousin and my sister has a fun party she is planning I told my ex there is no way as my son going to the wedding he said that I was being a bit of B I tell him that if he really wanted his son to be there he would have scheduled the wedding on a weekend he had custody or actually checked with me before booking the date I'm not changing up my schedule to accommodate a wedding to his mistress he starts complaining about how that was the only date they could get in short notice and how he can't change the date because of the venue and how his theme Kay's parents have already booked their flights to come in and it's a small wedding and it would be weird for his son not to be there and I'm causing drama for no reason his mom who I've remained cordial with then calls me up and begs me to allow my son at the wedding I say no my family is on my side but my ex keeps having his family try and beg me to allow our son at the wedding and I've EA here I want to wet that I actually did ask my son if he wants to go to his dad's wedding or the birthday party he said the birthday party there are like 25 kids and they are going to a games arcade he is very close to his cousin but my ex says it's not up to him and he doesn't know better my late mother handed me down hearing that her mother handed down to her and so on it's been in our family for over six generations without going into too much detail our ancestors had some pretty amazing lives and there is a lot of Masonic law woven into my mother's side of the family it's obviously very mysterious and fascinating but I don't and have never known much and there are no family relics of which to speak other than this ring my stepdaughter is in her 30s so we are talking adults here not children I have been in her life for 24 years I would say we are very close and we do a lot together she introduces me as her stepmother and I introduced her as my stepdaughter but we get on and our close confidants of one another before my mother passed away she asked me to do what felt right to me whether that was giving the ring to my stepdaughter or whether that was it being buried with me when it's my time my stepdaughter is aware of the existence of the ring and knows that it could have been destined for her one day she has expressed an interest in keeping it but only because of its value not the sentiment I'm leaning towards keeping it to myself and in a poignant sort of way letting it be buried with me I'm the last person I know of carrying my mother's blood and I like the idea the secrets will come full circle and I'll take the family secrets literally to the grave I told my stepdaughter that I'd like to keep it and she has shown a disappointment and said she'd have liked the history to pass on to her but I'm not sure how genuine that sentiment is my husband has a complete opposite view and thinks I ought to give the ring to my stepdaughter being as she is my child and all but name but he ultimately supports whatever choice I'll make I just want to know if the general consensus thinks I'm be a force aying now [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit pregnant, reddit wife, reddit husband, reddit relationship, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ pregnant, r/ wife, r/ husband, r/ relationship, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit pregnant, askreddit wife, askreddit husband, askreddit relationship, askreddit

Id: ckZNRTAiEhs

Length: 18min 13sec (1093 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 28 2020