Black Panther: An Unbridled Rage

ah [ __ ] let's get this over with Black Panther opens with a neat animation explaining the history of Wakanda the country that black panther protects apparently a meteor hit the continent of Africa and said meteor was made entirely from vibranium this pushed the people of Wakanda into the future far faster than any nation across the globe one tribe took over another four and they essentially blocked themselves from the world as an isolated nation why the [ __ ] would they stop at the arbitrary border of Wakanda back in the bloody Stone Age if they were advancing immeasurably faster than any other nation across the world how didn't they just naturally spill over Africa as a continent and potentially the world by nature of the tools they had early humans expanded excessively and the wakandans are already established as a people who are willing to dominate neighboring tribes are you telling me they stopped after they took [ __ ] four seriously and no one managed to get the word out about what Canada's resources across its entire history except Gollum are you telling me that across the vast history of Wakanda no one on earth found them before they got their cloaking device up while they simultaneously had nobody leave and share the location of Wakanda how the [ __ ] are they a secret to the surrounding areas or hell how are they a secret to the earth viewed Wakanda that is sitting right next to them in extreme poverty do they actually care about the people starving at their doorstep do they at least bribe those guys to stay silent like you probably think I'm crazy right now watch the opening again before they travel through the secret entrance to work under the ship that black panther and his crew are in flies right past regular wakandans and some [ __ ] is waving to them these people are not only aware that there is a secret advanced society but the challenge isn't seem to give a [ __ ] about other people spotting them how could this possibly stay a secret are you telling me that all these people just work for the secret Wakanda and that no secrets slip out how do relief workers not find out about this if the third-world wakandans know about it what oh okay we just need to let the foundation go and enjoy the movie right let's enjoy the movie we open up in the 1970s with two characters that have a plan to share weaponry to communities surrounding the area with wakandan technology because of the struggle that persists the black panther a young two chucker that we met in civil war confronts one of the two men about this plan and it is said that he must return to Wakanda for judgment by some council or something then we're back in modern time and we're with two challahs black panther he speaks with Michonne about the current plan she's bald I don't know Michonne then hands to Charla his balls and wishes him good luck and he launches down to a convoy of cars as he is plummeting to the trees he throws his balls at his enemies and it disables them soon after he disappears into the darkness the thugs are looking around and panicking about his disappearance until he stealthily knocks out two of them and waits only to then assault them entirely performing kicks punches and incredible acrobatic feats well that's what I'm guessing happened because despite being in the center of the cinema I couldn't see a [ __ ] thing aside from muzzle flashes and a blur bobbing around killing soldiers over and over why in the world would Black Panther bother with any kind of stealth his suit makes him immune to bullets he may as well just do it the Ironman way and land in the center of a bunch of enemies and just [ __ ] him all up they can't actually do anything to him so why bother with the pretense and maybe you're thinking he wants to do it with a limit to civilian casualty or protecting the people in the convoy but he only stealth kills - for the rest he just assaults the place with bullets flying everywhere I'm pretty sure he did it so the audience felt the tension rising we felt that he might be in danger but he's not he's literally immune to these weapons not getting a strong vibe of intelligence with this approach here but you know maybe that's the point two challahs not girlfriend pops up from the pack of hostages and kicks some ass - defending one of the thugs as a young boy that should be given back to his family then some random soldier who didn't die threatens to shoot but Michonne drops in on him and Spears him to death why does the most technologically advanced society whose [ __ ] spears t'challa then squeaks out a high and a huh in response to Michonne saying he froze gotta say I'm not quite seeing the badass from Civil War here wolf captain I won't ask a second time I didn't kill your father then why did you run not girlfriend then says that T'Challa has ruined her mission and that she is essentially a spy but T'Challa says that his dad has died and so that he wants her to be at his coronation yes you heard that right he [ __ ] up her mission because he wants her to attend the ceremony of him becoming King bit of a [ __ ] move but whatever we then see them travel through some trees in Wakanda to the actual secret Wakanda there are several highly advanced pieces of Technology in architecture everywhere but actually they have thatch style Hut's embedded into the structures because I mean okay apparently vibranium is such an incredible metal that it's skyrocketed Wakanda to a futuristic age and technology and architecture but perhaps not in the general market that's available to the populace so they decided to shove ancient housing designs into the sleek metallic buildings neat is an artistic sort of thing but it makes no bloody sense we then get a royal entrance for Black Panthers he approaches his mother and sister and in relation to the cars that were disabled by the Black Panthers balls in the beginning his sister says how many times do I have to tell you just because something works doesn't mean it can't be improved this line is a commentary for the point of the film itself but here it just means that he needs to update his balls we then cut to London and we seed oh look it's Creed other good movie and I like Creed is looking at ancient artifacts while getting them explained by some lady he gets rather flustered when she implies that the artifacts were discovered and corrects her these things were not paid for by this woman's ancestors they were stolen just like they stole everything else hmm turns out the lady has been poisoned and the medical team called in to help for some reason hired golem or golem forced his way in either way a team of mercs that work with creed all burst in the room and basically kill everyone golem has been looking for vibranium in order to sell it like he was doing back in age of Ultron and Creed has led him to some more we then see the Creed as a girlfriend just like our protagonist when they all make a clean getaway we're then faced with a weird waterfall adjacent arena in which our hero is going to be crowned king but his entire audience who must have been crane lifted in because I do not see how they [ __ ] got there almost seemed completely green screened about that I imagine it's a part of the wakandan technology to prevent loneliness but it just seems off to me apparently in the process of being crowned king wakandan tribes are encouraged to challenge the current ruler and Mortal Kombat potentially resulting in either one of their deaths and for this the Black Panthers powers are taken away so that the fight is fair why in the [ __ ] with the most advanced culture in our time be using trial by combat to dictate a ruler what society based on the progress of technology and medicine and protection in general would allow the strongest person to rule rather than the smartest or generally speaking the best suited on top of that what is with the location and everyone's outfits and the weird warpaint stuff this is starting to feel as though they only bring in the high-tech [ __ ] when it suits the story otherwise we end up in a tribal land doing tribal stuff and things I mean guys seriously why the [ __ ] do you use Spears decides that why can you just strip the Black Panthers powers so easily is this a superpower you can just turn on and off with some papal juice does he not have a stronger claim to the Black Panther than just being the son of the last guy who drank the juice I figured it would have been in his blood or some [ __ ] and his family and his line anything isn't just juice anyway there is this weird off-centre cave that houses this whole other clan who were just waiting for a dramatic entrance to challenge to chala dude no one see them go in there at the beginning did nobody wonder where this tribe was they're one of the five does the cave lead all the way to their mountain hideout or something like Forest Whitaker who is in this film by the way has no idea why he's there he even asks how do you not know this already what the yeah the guy from the gorilla clan then says he's frustrated with the rulers because their technology is being run by a child and that they scoff at tradition finally he says that T'Challa couldn't keep his own father safe so this is basically a dick of a character and whatever he means by the girl running the whole science thing will probably get to that dick then attacks T'Challa and after beating the [ __ ] out of him he says no powers no claws no special suit means he's just a boy don't forget that without the suit and the tech like the balls and obviously the flower power T'Challa really is mostly useless and by the way it is very strange that dick forgot to mention the balls throughout the fight the guy from get out is cheering for T'Challa and we keep getting reaction shots from him so I suppose he's important then the surroundings spear people are all poking closer and closer to raise the tension though I just wonder if they realized that they are dictating the length of the fight since the challengers can't [ __ ] move with him being that close after T'Challa reads out his own name he gets a burst of strength and feet stick soon after he's crowned king and all is right with the world the weird thing for me was that T'Challa was actually pretty damn injured at this point in the fight and to be honest are the rules actually that anyone can just challenge after another challenge has been done because that would just mean that I would wait you know if I was a member of one of these clans I would allow someone else to challenge first and then go in second because you know you're probably gonna have better chances but [ __ ] it let's just move on so it is finally revealed that the power of the Black Panther truly is from a plant it gets crushed up into juice you drink the juice then you become a super hero it's that simple it's essentially the super soldier program that Hydra we're running only it's way better and it comes from a plant a plant they have like 50 of that grow back okay why the [ __ ] wouldn't work on to supply this drug to its military the people who guard the leaders it would make them so much better their jobs considering how easily this power is provided and there are so many to spare that's just silly what's with the counter juice by the way it said in the beginning that the initial flower power came from plant life being infected by the vibranium did it also create a counter flower power at the same time that's just silly you take it once and unless you have the counter juice it apparently works for life considering the fact that it's a regrowing plant from the first tribes who ever set foot on Wakanda you could have easily provided the entire population of Wakanda the ability to heal fast and lift huge weights while being agile and fast and you chose not to that's just silly is it a genuine rule that people who are crowned king are the only ones that are allowed to have the flower power if that's the case and how did to chala have this power in civil war before being crowned king anyway is it just something anyone is allowed to have if they sent outside of Wakanda well no because we've already seen that that isn't true several times how was to charla the Black Panther before he had been through the coronation exactly we know this film takes place after Civil War because they have helmets Zemo in custody and on the news so shouldn't he have the power after his time in that film I mean excusing all of that stupid why isn't there a resident black panther for the military and then the king resides over policy in Wakanda while the panther goes on missions outside of Wakanda what is the point of the black panther protecting Wakanda alone when there is basically no conflict in this peaceful nation whatsoever it always comes from the outside so when people go on missions to spy and bodyguard why aren't they given the flower power - it would not only make them better at protecting their King but it would also make them better protecting Wakanda for [ __ ] sake this is really silly the overall lesson here is that the power of the Black Panther comes from a plant and his suit the suit and planter only allowed for him and that's just how it works whatever by taking the flower power back and bearing yourself in large amounts of sand you are able to speak to your father through dream land I guess no idea stop complaining and watch the film tacacá explains that his son has trained long and hard to be king and that he should not worry about being ready which again makes me wonder can anyone be the Black Panther or not why can't we mass supply this drug to wakandans at least why the [ __ ] they use Spears the charla was allowed the power in the soup because he was the current Panthers son I don't bloody know and the script certainly isn't answering that either his father ends the scene by saying it is hard for good men to be king and T'Challa wakes up ready to begin his rule he takes a stroll down some Street in Wakanda that honestly does not seem like something you could possibly see in the most advanced society in the modern age they got some outside grill with wood and rags propping up shelters trading and bustling as though they're in some third-world country in a heaving marketplace but this is supposed to be incredibly technologically advanced right not girlfriend talks about how people are struggling outside of Wakanda and she suggests that they should share their own resources with the world T'Challa says that what Conda could lose their way of life and she responds that they can both protect Wakanda and help people outside of Wakanda this is essentially the core argument of the film and there will be good guys and bad guys on both sides of it they then flirt for one second and the scene ends we see some struggling farmers with a handful of baskets sticks that are tied together to make a fence with animal pelts and clay pottery clearly being strong exports I I don't this is just too hard to take seriously okay so the scene continues and it is revealed that this is the guy from get out it's his farm and he he he farms he farms right he [ __ ] farms rhinos why in the goddamn hell is he farming rhinos they walk up to it like it's a [ __ ] kitten give it a snack why is this normal what the vet who farms [ __ ] rhinos I wonder if this very Rhino will have a strange and specific use later parts of the film get out then says they shouldn't allow immigrants in as they bring their problems with them and that they would be better off conquering other countries instead t'challa says the get out does not know the way then Michonne calls in with the plots apparently golem has been detected by I'm not [ __ ] joking the radar he's just been picked up and somehow they know what he's stolen where he's going to sell it and who he is selling it to this is just info they have [ __ ] if I know how they got it T'Challa says that Gollum has escaped their clutches for 30 [ __ ] years and now that is going to change how the [ __ ] did Gollum managed to escape work and injustice for 30 years is he incredibly good at his job he's been stealing vibranium enough to store massive amounts of it over time and you're telling me he managed to slip the clutches of wakandan surveillance technology really when we have just established that they can pluck facts from thin air they caught him long enough to have a [ __ ] brand on him but he hasn't been stopped yeah what the the council decided to go after Gollum and get out says that his parents were killed by Gollum so he totally wants him dead now this is what we call clunky motivation for future [ __ ] actions but we will come back to that T'Challa then engages with his plan and so meets the wakandan equivalent of QED she gives him an ear thingy that lets you talk to you and spy on people she makes a what are those reference which made me question my own existence and finally key was taken his balls and upgraded them to interface with something I don't know his balls are overpowered as [ __ ] and they do everything whatever moving on cue let's black panther know that his new shoes will make absolutely no noise when using them there are 100 percent sound absorbent this doesn't come up again in the film whatsoever he doesn't use this ability or feature the entire reason this exists is so that cue can tell black panther a joke she says that she calls the shoes that make no noise sneakers yep not actually brought up again cue then introduced the new suits vibranium black panther suits that form around the wearer that are stored in a necklace q has three black panther suits with two of them being spawnable on your body Hugh could mass-produce suits in necklaces and use the plants from earlier to create an incredible force for good in Wakanda instead they let everything degrade in terms of technology and waste every advancement they've made except for giving one guy some powers a suit what fight what the [ __ ] is this film doing we can't have such a powerful resource be so bloody plentiful and easy to provide to people how the [ __ ] you gonna explain this kind of technology not being on the people who run the assignments for Wakanda how are you going to explain the people of Wakanda not being able to access this kind of technology how are you going to explain this [ __ ] not being provided to the Avengers once infinity war bounces around the plants and the outfits are so ridiculously easy to get and they connect in no significant way to T'Challa personally that I've lost all investment in this [ __ ] world like seriously what makes two charla the black panther more than anyone else anybody could be the Black Panther it's just the [ __ ] suit at least with Iron Man he designed created and uses the technology with a combination of his intelligence but T'Challa just has the flower power come to think of it was to chuck a stripped of the power of the Black Panther when he spoke for Somalia seems like he probably wouldn't have died if he still had the power of the Panther so that means they would have stripped it from him right because I mean it's not like you can bring the juice out of people to provide it to another person so can you guys imagine when to chucker gave up the mantle that they just took his powers instead of letting him live his life with it like he's just sitting there thinking to himself you know I've got increased healing better agility speed and I'm really old so can I just keep it and they're like no my god we're not even a quarter of the way through the film yet before we leave the Q scene we are told that the suits can now absorb kinetic energy charge it up and then expel it as a powerful blast of energy meaning that Black Panther is essentially even more unstoppable than before because he needed that I guess we then moved to South Korea and not girlfriend makes a reference to I whip my hair back and forth once again I ponder the meaning of life T'Challa Michonne and not girlfriend meet with some old lady and they go into a secret high-class gambling / trading area in the middle of some fish market okay they scope out the place and discover a handful of guards that will prove more than likely to be a problem as well as Bilbo Baggins who was simply hanging out and waiting for Gollum to trade some diamonds for the vibranium he has Bilbo says he didn't call attention to black panther suit in exchange for black panther supplying helmet Zemo from civil war so they are even and shouldn't attempt to cross paths soon after Gollum enters the room and has an entire entourage that rush past the old lady and through the sensors despite having plenty of gun the characters comment on this but we get no reasoning as to why they're allowed through with guns we don't even know what this place really is or who owns it but [ __ ] it is dramatic and the nameless bad guys need their pew pew Gollum then makes a reference to SoundCloud and the mixtape is coming up with which not girlfriend that announces that it is now or never in relation to capturing Gollum but this makes about zero cents when they have established that there are guards all over the place with guns and our heroes have some knives and a spear which ones have the advanced technology again remind me we then get a scene of our heroes killing the crap out of everyone including Michonne performing many death by spear moves despite her ranged opponents wielding projectile weaponry and all Michonne has is address to top this off not girlfriend kills a guy with a shoe t'challa doesn't activate his suit so I assume he doesn't have it since bullets are flying and people are in danger throughout this fight golem uses his fake arm to fire a massive horrible projectile into something that T'Challa was hiding behind and a bunch of money comes down and he says haha I made it rain which I just was he not supposed to be intimidating at one point this is your first time intimidating someone and now he's this weird incompetent reckless unhinged circus clown who laughs at his own jokes when yeah whatever cue then drives a car remotely for Black Panther as he activates his suit why he didn't do this when the bullets were flying in the gambling area I do not know and neither does the film we are then treated to a large stitched together scene of explosions flips guns knives jumps and Michonne describes guns as primitive in a whole dismissive way she's described did did they seriously poach a line from the bloody prequels what the [ __ ] golem Minh tells everyone that the cars are made of vibranium and thus bullets do not work on them and immediately after that Michonne wants to show off with a crazy spear throw that turns out to disable the opposing car perfectly they don't show how she picks the spear back up but more importantly it's really [ __ ] convenient considering how she could easily have been killed if someone decided to shoot at her when she exited her bulletproof car as she moved through the window to aim her spear and also just sit on the car it been so unfortunate for her to experience the firepower of such primitive weaponry wouldn't it I am not kidding here she sits on top of the car for a good few seconds as the guys in front continue to shoot but we get nothing she's not even bothered is she wearing an invisible black panther suit or some [ __ ] it ends up that every bad guy is beat and they tie up old man Gollum while refraining from murdering him in case the world sees with Bilbo acting as a taxi for our heroes we get to see Gollum making kissing sounds at the interrogation window as well as shouting to himself topped off with him singing a song you know the horrible way I mean he's just insane now how in the holy [ __ ] did this guy manage to evade Wakanda for 30 years is the excuse that he went insane very recently and before that he was totally clever and [ __ ] [ __ ] off Bilbo then agrees to have a conversation with Gollum and hopes that T'Challa will not take him to a condor once it's over Gollum reveals that Wakanda has a huge source of both incredible technology in a massive mine for vibranium and that's where he got his arm from Bilbo replies that Wakanda is just Shepherds textiles thatch housing farming etc and Gollum says it's all affront people have searched for Wakanda but it remains a secret technological wonder and I can't help but laugh because in essence the fake Wakanda is Shepherds farmers sticks thatch pelts and pottery acting as a front for the actual Wakanda which is Shepherds farmers sticks thatch pelts and pottery with a hint of rhino just sounds so [ __ ] on paper not to mention an extremely incredible base at the center covering all kinds of technological wonders from advances in medicine to weaponry that are not available to anyone but the black bloody panther what utter [ __ ] nonsense it's like the film thinks that the isolationism of Wakanda from the world is the subject but I'm more interested in the isolationism of the Black Panthers powers and Technology from the wakandan people explain that [ __ ] movie Gollum then says that Bilbo should ask some more questions about Wakanda and vibranium in relation to black panther suit and so we continue Creed pops back up because he tracked golems position via his bionic arm and I completely forgot Creed was even in the film he has to come and rescue Gollum and ends up shooting Bilbo in the spine how unlucky I wonder if this is going to push the plot in a particular direction black panther tries to chase Creed but he stops in with a noob tube bear in mind black panther swallowed a blast from Gollum earlier with ease and that was a walk on made weapon but Creed using a primitive weapon apparently managed to incapacitate black panther when he was wearing the same suit that makes sense to me black panther sees that Bilbo is wounded and shoves one of his balls into him no I'm not killing here's the screen of it the balls that deactivate Kars control technology and communicate with others also stabilize spinal injuries what the [ __ ] they decided to bring Bilbo to their base and argue over how unlawful this is considering that he will find out about what Condor they go on about this stupid ship for some time despite the obvious choice being heal him while he's unconscious keep him unconscious with your Dumbledore level medicine magic [ __ ] and then drop him off in America it's not hard stop making a big deal out of it you fools I mean for [ __ ] sake throw a blindfold on him if you have nothing else what's he gonna do if he wakes up one day in America after being shot in the spine tell everyone he was healed by a wizard in some magic land he still wouldn't know who did it and where the secret is [ __ ] off we then enter the science area and Q says she's excited to see another broken white boy for them to fix get out then arrives and basically says why didn't you capture or kill Gollum and because dialogue is really hard to write Black Panther says yeah he's not here I [ __ ] up the mission see around what black panther could have told him is that Gollum was captured and ready for transport only to be attacked by someone related to Wakanda and as a result this person kidnapped Gollum themselves before Black Panther could bring him back he knows this because of the necklace and if he [ __ ] told get out then Creed would have less leverage upon delivering the corpse no right that hasn't happened yet well Creed is gonna deliver golems corpse to get out and the only reason that's going to matter now is because T'Challa didn't tell him the truth here but you know writings hard we see Creed and his team entering a plane ready to travel to Wakanda and Creed decides to kill his whole team including his girlfriend because he wants golems corpse but also because he doesn't like his [ __ ] team I don't know the scene actually finishes with him killing Gollum so so much for that character we then find out that Forest Whitaker is still in the film and he tells us about the fateful night that we saw the first half of in the beginning of the film apparently two challahs uncle fell in love with an American woman who was going through hardships in her community and so the only recourse was to take over the world with wakandan weapon and rule the planet the right way I'm not kidding you that is the [ __ ] plan from the initial villain of the film to take over the world by force and rule it with the correct mindset to chucker then says the uncle we'll go back to Wakanda and face judgment so the uncle pulls a gun on young Forest Whitaker in the hopes of I assume killing him because of the betrayal I guess but he's doing this while there is someone in the room with a black panther suit what the [ __ ] you thinking you fool as a crazy result of the situation the uncle is killed to death by two chukkas Black Panther and they both decide to leave the son the uncle had behind because otherwise people would ask questions about where he's from and they had to maintain the lie that they never found the uncle what the [ __ ] is not gonna be difficult to tell the wakandan Council that someone from Wakanda was selling arms in an attempt to overthrow the planet and that they were breaching the safety of the entire secret society that's actually a pretty reasonable excuse to execute them they all agreed for the death of Gollum for arms dealing I think you'll be able to get away with explaining this one folks but aside from that he actually tried to murder one of you what you did was called self-defense you had to kill him to prevent him from killing others why would that be so controversial why'd you need to keep that a secret as shown with the trial by combat you guys rule with an iron fist even if people didn't think you did the correct thing you're their king anyway what difference does it make if they found out what the hell is the point of keeping this [ __ ] secret there's no real secret to even keep the entire villain plot for this film is because Forrest Whitaker and takaka made the stupidest [ __ ] decision imaginable why are you being so dumb film Creed then delivers golems corpse to get out and we assume this has brought him quite a bit of favor as well as an audience with the council I guess I wouldn't [ __ ] know because I still don't get why he couldn't just turn up to the place regardless and demand a trial because of his blood right not to mention the ring that he has and the tattoo and the knowledge but whatever the [ __ ] I guess he needed Gollum actually on that topic why the hell did Creed wait to kill Gollum until halfway through the movie what the [ __ ] was the point of that why didn't he open with this plan what was he waiting for on top of that why did he need the plan at all the body of Gollum is not the key to getting into Wakanda and taking the throne it's not even the key to gaining favor you don't need favor when you're the king is it entirely unrelated aside from getting get out on his side and how the [ __ ] did he even know about that there is no reason he should know about how much get out once Gollum dead and there is no reason why that should even be his goal if he did know they then allowed Bilbo to wake up and walk around only to refer to him as colonizer Hugh then explains that they have the technology to heal people in moments compared to the normal rates and that it is due to vibranium and every source of fiber what the [ __ ] you doing are you not supposed to prevent Bilbo from finding out all of this why isn't there a conversation about this it makes no [ __ ] sense stop explaining everything to the one guy you apparently don't want to find out every [ __ ] thing also I [ __ ] refuse to believe that this one young barely adult has control over and development of everything in Wakanda from technology to medical science [ __ ] that nonsense where the hell of the senior staff is anyone overseeing this or has it just been here for thousands of [ __ ] generations making everything you dumbass movie we then see T'Challa lamenting on the horrors of his father killing his brother and leaving his child behind being a horrible act though I'm still confused at how killing the brother when he was trying to kill someone else who was innocent out of fury was a bad thing to do it makes complete sense and many reasonable people would have done the same thing self-defence is totally a thing dude but again the whole secret [ __ ] for no reason even T'Challa seems to understand the secret that his father was trying to keep but the audience bloody doesn't I mean ultimately we know why it happened let's make a villain otherwise we don't have a movie not girlfriend then tells him he shouldn't let his past mistakes define who he is now in some kind of deep conversation which doesn't make any sense since we're talking about his father's mistakes and T'Challa hasn't made a serious mistake at all yet not even in civil war nothing he did had permanent repercussions so whatever I guess also I do just want to confirm with you guys once again black panthers balls work as a holographic Skype call [ __ ] they could just do everything we then kept a Bilbo giving the heroes a CIA style rundown of Creed he isn't asking about Wakanda or addressing the fact that they lied to him or what this will mean for the future as his character actually was concerned with he's just now turning into their exposition dump this film is so well [ __ ] written Creed is then placed in front of the council and he says he brought justice to Gollum where T'Challa failed to and once again the film is going to make T'Challa forget to mention the Creed [ __ ] stole gone from him so it really doesn't count as a heroic move whatsoever if he just [ __ ] mentioned this to the council I'm pretty sure Creed's attempt to receive favor wouldn't go over as well but [ __ ] it not to mention by the way that when they actually caught Gollum they ended up going to the CIA instead of just taking him on their ship and going home there's no reason for this aside from the fact that Bilbo was driving the car just another bloody stupid detail Creed then says that everyone is living comfortable in Wakanda and the two billion people all around the world who look like them are suffering if they can just use their weapons they can liberate them all the child basically says that Creed does not know the way and that they will never wage war with their weapons or try and rule the rest of the world freed then says ask me my name and the council start telling the guards to remove Creed from the room so he says again ask me my name Q then announces his American name but is shot down and Creed says again ask me my name and T'Challa says no so Creed repeats again and T'Challa asks for him to be removed and I have to ask myself what the hell is going on why can't he just say his [ __ ] name why is it that they assume that if he's not asked of his name he won't say it is this some rule they haven't actually made clear just say your own [ __ ] name you ninny lucky for creed the guy with a thing in his face asks his name and he announces his bloodline this is confirmed by the ring he has and once again I asked what the [ __ ] was the point of the whole Gollum plot why even bother with him in the first place Creed didn't need it for the overall entrance to Wakanda at all the fact that he found the place and had the war dog tattoo should have been more than enough proof for [ __ ] sake was everything with Gollum because you needed filler since you literally only have half a film what the [ __ ] the council then simply declared that this random [ __ ] from nowhere has the right to challenge the throne and dismantle the black panther because he's the king's nephew he missed the actual organization itself but apparently that doesn't matter because T'Challa just agrees to it you could just challenge anybody at any point as long as you have the right things like the way they frame this scene is that he has the opportunity to deny this [ __ ] and yet he Gamble's himself a powerless suit 'less Tecla swih kundan warrior against a professionally trained CIA killcount record-breaking psychopath with a vengeance obsession directed at your bloodline what a dumbass move you're about to hand your whole land and people to this monster because he has the correct rights to challenge you even if you win everything just stays normal it you lose then everything goes to hell for the love of God you can't win this necessarily just deny him the chance you fool he missed the opportunity to challenge you so stop [ __ ] around stop risking the entirety of your ancestors achievements fear and stupid sense of well I don't know they don't give us a reason for this T'Challa even says that he wants him to leave the room before announcing his name he doesn't want to fight him he doesn't think he's worthy of being the Black Panther so we go back to the ridiculous waterfall arena thing and everyone has popped up for the fight it looks like Creed will be fighting with a sword and spear which I guess he has training in which shouldn't the challengers beat the [ __ ] out of him here like he's been training with this [ __ ] his whole life he's ready to be a warrior king let's be honest Creed's gonna get [ __ ] up he's got no chance with everything we know he doesn't have his typical combat weaponry or his rifles any kind of body armor he is in two challahs world now and he is going to be beaten right down into the gorge how the [ __ ] got thrown off a cliff for you oh and Forest Whitaker was in the scene but he's dead now he got stabbed anyway something that bothered me here is the Creed was injured and tired from the fight and he is now able to sort of you know take over Wakanda why the [ __ ] wouldn't the other tribes now challenge him they all recoil in fear of the fact that he's now gonna be in power except for get out so challenge him he's now weaker than he was earlier but they never say anything I mean they never say that you can only do one challenge and besides how stupid would that be anyway if that was true yeah just let your entire country fall to ruin guys no problem Michonne then says that she has to save the king and Wakanda no matter what and two challahs family basically should [ __ ] off and they do I don't know if this is because they might get killed by creed or whatever but [ __ ] it they're exiles now or something Creed then takes the flower power and visits his dad in dream world they provide some more motivation in that Creed has to deal with death his whole life and now it's time to change that with more death you see we usually don't get complex sympathetic well-developed layered antagonists in Marvel but with Creed we do the man who grew up with a lot of cruel death in his life and therefore strangles innocent defenseless women murders those who loved him in cold blood and plans on killing the people of the outside world including the explicit mention of children this is what we call a sympathetic well-written Marvel antagonist [ __ ] off Crede then also refers to the people outside of Wakanda as colonizers and that he knows how they think so he's going to arm all of the current spies with tech to essentially take over the world guard what a thing to think about isn't it so [ __ ] convenient the Creed's plan worked this way lucky didn't get killed on sight when he arrived lucky didn't get thrown into a Cell permanently lucky - cello accepted his lineage and right to challenge lucky he actually won that fight lucky no one else challenged him and lucky the council's willing to kowtow to every demand he makes it's all coming up Creed housed our heroes and make their way to the gorilla tribe and offer the flower power to dick remember him he's back Bilbo begins to explain the situation and dick starts to hooted him along with all of his men they just they just keep on hooting at Bilbo like it it goes on for how heroes offer dick a chance to become super powerful and topple the throne the logic is the whole lesser of two evils thing and all guys want to save Wakanda from Creed and dick seems to be happy the prospect which is in line with his character then he tells our heroes that he has to chawla in the back chilling out and that they can give him the herb and go win the day hmm what the [ __ ] you telling me that dick wouldn't have taken the power for himself and led Wakanda out of the tyranny of the foreigner and into a golden age instead he lets two chala do all of it while sitting on his ass who is this character oh he says it's a life debt because T'Challa didn't kill him in the beginning even though he yielded of his own accord he wasn't spared he gave up god this makes no sense dare I even comment on how to chala fell off the grounded waterfall monument into the depths and manages to wash up in the [ __ ] mountains spotted by a fisherman to then be brought to an ice bath where he remains in a coma that would kill him if he moves only to be saved by a [ __ ] plant that is not girlfriend happened to bring a single one off to the correct place at the correct time [ __ ] off film you are seriously taking the piss T'Challa ends have been a dream world again thanks to the flower power and his dad reaffirms what Forest Whitaker said remember him he was in the film apparently it was all to sell the lie that the uncle went missing which is just as [ __ ] now as it was then they never tell us why they couldn't tell what Condor that the uncle was a traitor and they had to kill him but [ __ ] it I guess come to think of it why the [ __ ] wouldn't the people of Wakanda including T'Challa go in search for the missing uncle they have incredible radar technology right they have invisible ships why the [ __ ] would they simply accept that he's gone lost or disappeared what if he was captured or something did nobody ask about this to nobody look into it [ __ ] you film the truth would have been realistically better at keeping the peace than the [ __ ] lie was anyway after saying that to Chawla says [ __ ] it let's go and beat the bad guy q provides him with his suit and it's pretty much made entirely clear that T'Challa is worthless without his suit on the flower power and his balls being that anyone could have taken it up and saved the day but he's the one for reasons also I think it's interesting that Q decided it was worth her time to steal the normal suit that was in her lab but not the golden one are you [ __ ] kidding it's the size of a necklace you could easily have held both of them you could have given the other one to dick or not girlfriend I mean it wasn't just left there so that the bad guy could conveniently have it right yeah before they leave dick says he refuses to help two challahs fight because he's a dick and then we transitioned to the wakandan fleet preparing for war Creed then comments on a spear that has the potential to take down tanks with a single blow due to its sonic power and so raises the hilarious question of just what the [ __ ] are you doing Wakanda why are you making futuristic ships Tech and suits yet you opt for Spears swords knives and claws for combats make yourselves some effective weaponry for [ __ ] sake put that Sonic [ __ ] in a gun make a flying suit that can withstand and provide insane blasts of power don't take your decades of advanced technology advanced knowledge and advanced materials and shove them into a [ __ ] spear what the [ __ ] is the point of that you amateurs Tony Stark would be crying if he found out about this T'Challa then makes himself known and Creed orders the release of the transports and they pop off the landing pad down into a giant cylinder and then fly off what the [ __ ] why in the hell would the ships fling off into a hole and then power up to fly out of it if ever any of them had a temporary malfunction or just a general [ __ ] up the entire structure would be compromised why were they not just lift off like normal non [ __ ] ships what are you doing film immediately after that we have Bilbo Q and the not girlfriend breaking into the science area by wearing the same clothes as the bad guys who walk right past them which would be fine if not for the [ __ ] balaclava that Bill Bowes [ __ ] wearing what the [ __ ] the gods don't think it's odd that they just saw someone rush past them with one of these things on in the most valuable area of the [ __ ] country are you kidding me they couldn't look more bloody guilty mates these things are practically burglars favourite pieces of clothing and nobody gives a [ __ ] what the hell we then begin the big battle scene Creed is fighting the forelady guards including Michonne to charla is fighting get out in his army with not girlfriend and cue moving around the battlefield then the army of cloak wielding rhino farmers activate their cloaks and it creates a big-ass holographic shield what the [ __ ] you're telling me that with all the technological wonders of Wakanda this bunch of idiots didn't take any of the advancements in farming clothing or housing they instead opted to have cloaks made that double as a singular long shield how [ __ ] was that useful in your day to day Rhino farming lives why is it that you live in the most advanced society yet you seem to be in an arid third-world economy with cloaks that are harnessed out of your massive technological advancements cloaks that have an absolutely useless application for yourself in your day to day but simultaneously an extremely valuable resource in that it would likely sell outside of Wakanda for more than your entire village as makes no [ __ ] sense get out then blows his mighty horn and summons the Horde of rhinos you remember the Rhinos he was he was far bigger li ER well this is the point of that they just immediately appear and run over everyone Jesus Christ q and not girlfriend suit up for the fight but they don't have any actual useful armor cuz I mean Q and not girlfriend both have sort of weaponry and armor pieces that aren't black panther suits and i don't know why why wouldn't you just have black panther suits the ones that don't disintegrate you know they would just it just makes you immune to damage for the most part why would you not just have that oh is it because the resources are limited you know what guys it's not like this sitting on a mountain of free vibranium that according to Gollum they haven't even scratched the surface of yet [ __ ] off film we then see Bilbo making his way to destroy the few ships that have escaped with wakandan weaponry and Creed beats up all of the women killing one of them is just such a fantastic villain I really felt his plight greed is then tackled to the vibranium mine and T'Challa tells Q to turn on the magnets system in order to temporarily remove the suits q than touches some balls and the rails are activated making for the beginning of the end creed then tries to justify his insane bloodlust and psychopathy by saying that he lost people who are important to him and at this point I found that falling asleep has become the more relatable antagonist of the film Bilbo's death is baited but it amounts to nothing and he destroys the last transports before they escape just when all hope seems lost on the battlefield dick comes back to save the day when he said he wasn't going to help he kind of just was being a dick because he came anyway I'm not sure the point of that was [ __ ] off film we then get several scenes of two cgi men in pitch black tights bumping each other back and forth in darkness while we wait for the next time the train system actually knocks the invincibility off them since nothing can happen otherwise and it feels like watching a blurry video game cutscene their suits are constantly changing what parts of the body they protect when the trains are gone the suits reform entirely in a few seconds so they're only vulnerable for a very brief amount of time which means this scene really drags on we aspired the wait went to Charlie gets a lucky shot with a knife into Creed's heart how did T'Challa know that the heart is the last place the body armor recovers into no I I don't know the script doesn't know either and so Creed is defeated but even though he stabbed in the heart he's not dead yet he gets a few whimpers out and he says he always wanted to see the sunset cuz it's beautiful in makanda thanks to what his dad told him so T'Challa manages to walk Creed all the way across the rails and up the elevator with no interruption from a trained to have Creed watched the sunset and still not die at any point he would have taken at least 10 minutes to do all of this [ __ ] despite having a dagger in his [ __ ] heart he's just happy to chill with it and it only kills him once he Yanks it out apparently what the [ __ ] Creed's last words are just bury me in the ocean where my ancestors jumped from the ships because they knew death was better than bondage okay T'Challa then starts dating his not girlfriend buys a bunch of housing areas touches his balls and spawns a ship for the locals to play with and opens up a connection between Wakanda and the rest of the earth preparing to share technology little by little to create a better future what the [ __ ] Black Panther is probably one of the worst additions to the Marvel Universe in that it has now opened an easy route to power for so many heroes supplying them with soo supply them with flower power oh well I guess Creed burned it down so we can't have the flower power part but at least they tried to plug that hole up [ __ ] how exactly did Tony and his father not find out about the properties of vibranium it's malleable enough to make clothing with while being strong enough to block bullets how [ __ ] ridiculous that Tony Stark would have been able to find that out from cap shield the most versatile substance on the planet not to mention that once you give Tony those things he won't be stoppable anymore supply the Avengers with wakandan tech and the world is pretty much saved but if only the film [ __ ] its place in the universe alone the problems go far deeper than that Creed was an awfully setup villain created by an utterly nonsensical idea and tempered by death his recourse kill everyone even if they're friendly innocent or defenseless because his dad died and a bunch of other people died so everyone dies best [ __ ] villain my ass Wakanda is a living contradiction in that the inhabitants operate as though they're stuck in the Stone Age while having selectively super advanced tools rhino farmers of [ __ ] holographic [ __ ] shields what the [ __ ] remember how I said that Bilbo is being attacked and they bait his death they forgot to account for the ship that attacked him what happened to that rogue ship did it leave what Condor is it friendly now or not what the [ __ ] people getting stabbed and slit to [ __ ] but absolutely no blood can't even go with the red lines on the bodies come on guys she got her neck split open for [ __ ] sake T'Challa was boring as hell compared to his portrayal in Civil War the mystery surrounding his character has been utterly deflated baliya Mota and finding himself to be pretty [ __ ] useless yet winning because he is constantly bailed out by his suit his flower power or just all of the supporting cast really he may have been boring but since he got bits of development that meant he was more interesting than pretty much everyone aside from Q because action was far more important than character the CGI was ugly as hell in a bunch of the scenes I mean bloody hell guys really think about this incredibly advanced suits and ships but an Eastern style bazaar for trade not to mention that this seems to be the only Street in [ __ ] Wakanda most civilized in advanced yet they operate rulers with trial but combat for [ __ ] sake Creed only got as far as he did with pure [ __ ] luck and even then being booted out of the film for our was a completely dumbass move from the writers both Gollum and Bilbo betrayed their characters and acted either as filler for the film or info dumps for the convenience of the plot as long as they weren't being made into a joke oh this film's gonna age horribly with already outdated references to memes and songs that were vaguely popular years ago being repurposed to some great a cringe Wakanda is utterly unbelievable the characters are fundamentally [ __ ] as long as they aren't too boring to pay attention to and apparently there was a romance plot in the film I wouldn't know because convincing chemistry isn't something that's seen in this film beyond that of QED interacting with everyone she was she was good so there's that this film script is horrendous and it's bad in both the universe it's joining alongside the idea that it destroys itself throughout the runtime but you know what this film doesn't even explain why he's called the Black Panther they spent about half a second on the origin the god of Panthers called bast directed some guy in a vision that's it you don't explore this culture this religion I barely understand why T'Challa is called the Black Panther why not just call him [ __ ] flower man it would make more sense [ __ ] hell piss off you crap film try again next time if you guys want to watch a genuinely fun action-packed badass black superhero from Marvel watch blade it's a million times [ __ ] better or do we have to pretend that that doesn't exist now just like Catwoman and Blade sequels and Hancock and even the one with Shaq for Christ's sake [ __ ] off I swear to god Disney you better not [ __ ] up infinity war well I hope you enjoyed my rant folks if you did then you might be open to a more controversial side of black panther as in you know people who think it's not good and if you are I have just the guy for you oh well I have just the wolf for you he's the one I said made the great Star Wars video remember considering this bloody thumbnail I think you guys would want to go check his video out just out of curiosity you'll find the link in the description as well as in my pinned comment it's pretty hard to find criticism of Black Panther right now I don't know what the possible reason could be so I'm just gonna say give it a shot you may love him you may hate him but you know you can give it a try and maybe subscribe to his channel I don't know other than that you folks can expect a video on the force awakens to hopefully come next unless something horrible is released by Disney in the interim other than that who knows what could be next for this channel thank you for watching folks and I'll see you next time huh you want me to talk about the cultural and societal impact this film has I don't care [Music]

Channel: MauLer

Views: 1,982,903

Rating: 4.5806832 out of 5

Keywords: rant, rage, spoilers, discussion, marvel, disney, black, panther, movie, film, ryan, coogler, chadwick, boseman, forest, whittaker, lupita, nyong'o, danai, gurira, martin, freeman, daniel, kaluuya, letita wright, winston, duke, review, angry, wakanda, wakandan, terrible, worst, awful, reaction

Id: eT2D50_pgUU

Length: 46min 33sec (2793 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 22 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/i_am_banana_man]

Whoah this guys thinking organ is defective

[u/background1077]

Issa comic

[u/MidPackMafia]

While yes it obviously has some super nit picky fucking plot holes it’s a movie like seriously it’s in the same universe where Thor is a fucking real person but people chose to forget about it for hundreds of years. There’s more but I don’t care enough to think of anything else cause it’s all just stupid and insignificant. I doubt this guy would have made this if it was about an isolated country of any other race.

[u/Hydronair]

Black Panther was overrated tbh