Game of Thrones: S08E04: An Unbridled Rage

really guys again we opened on our hero's burning they're dead and for some reason there's only like a quarter here of what was surely left behind by the end of the battle but [ __ ] it who wants continuity it's clearly the big gay also all of the people who were surely dead in the previous episode are fine now other than some cuts and bruises lucky for them the undead couldn't pierce that heavy plot armor John then commits to a speech that covers the immense sacrifice that was made from many characters people that chose to ignore their differences to put aside their desires for power and fight the definitive enemy of life itself with each other the episode then devolves into characters that do choose to focus on their differences putting forward their desires for power and fighting the more apparent enemy of life each other as connective tissue for the previous episode we get nothing on whether John actually commanded ire to attack the night king there was a lot of talk from fans about how he shouted for her to save bran while he distracted the dragon but they never referenced it in fact they don't discuss her incredible achievement at all outside of throwaway lines so we can safely assume he really did just read the Dragon and the night King wasn't that big of a deal in addition to that the Crypt isn't discussed there were no significant deaths or reveals no tomb was open to reveal the horrors of past Starks assaulting the castle there was no stark zombies rising to attack or defend the inhabitants of Winterfell John doesn't even react to the complete desecration of his ancient houses crypt as viewers we're not even sure he's aware of what happened and we certainly gained nothing from it they could have cut every crypt scene out of episode 3 and nothing would have changed also the tragic irony of it being the safe place for people to shelter isn't even referenced just wonderful hey at least ghosts survived he's a bit banged up after his scuffle with the undead but he made it though you have to ask at this point what did they expect goes to do to zombies unless they tip his teeth and claws with dragonglass he is basically ineffectual because [ __ ] me a dire wolves absolutely proven to be useless against the undead but I'm sure that was a mistake because we all know Jon loves his dog oh right moving on we get a party scene for our recovering warriors and bran shares with the will that he's been spending his time traveling teleporting brain on browsing past royal wheelchairs it's the same the one Darren Targaryen built for his crippled nephew 120 years ago I liked that one mostly I live in the past and then as if we hadn't gotten our fill of terrible writing Davos chimes in about the Lord of Light the Lord of Light and say his game from we fight his war and win and then he [ __ ] off no signs no blessings oh I don't imagine thinking about that subject we believe you any happier than before this is a not-so-subtle way for the writers to tell us directly that they want to move on to [ __ ] up the political plot of Game of Thrones that means they are done with [ __ ] up the White Walkers there's no point in thinking about them ever again wonderful I mean who in their right mind would want to know more about the White Walkers than the night King at least the comment is accurate thinking about it will not make us happier than before and then tormund makes a pretty dumb comment down on the [ __ ] dragon and [ __ ] what kind of person climbs in a [ __ ] dragon you last season you gormless tit the only Targaryen can ride dragons that's not even please stop talking every time you say anything it makes your dumpster fire of a show self apply gasoline anyway IR is then toasted by Daenerys while she's not there and nobody bothers to check that so the whole thing feels a little awkward only for Dany to then named Gendry the Lord of storms end yes she almost out of nowhere makes him one of the most powerful people in Westeros in the hopes that he'll be a potential powerful ally in the future which honestly is so wrong for so many reasons firstly there's only matters if Danny's power is recognised and solidified because it can otherwise be reversed the second another ruler just says Lal no she never had the power to make you a lord especially since she's as foreign to these people as a zombie polar bear secondly Gendry doesn't have to be loyal to her whatsoever if he was even able to muster a significant force which is going to take a long-ass [ __ ] time he doesn't have to fight for her just because she gave him the power that's nonsense and who knows how loyal he would be if he was told she did this to try and pocket him as a puppet thirdly it'll take potential decades for Gendry to amass any respect or armies from a place that he is a complete stranger in too even big I'm a potential useful ally to Danny fourthly by official izing Gendry she's created one of the greatest threats to her own throne a direct challenge the son of the guy who had the kingdoms in peace for nearly two decades the people would be far more likely to accept a Baratheon than a Targaryen not to mention one that grew up in flea bottom and likely knows the people well fifthly how dumb is it that they even hinted securing loyalty when this show's entire history is filled with constant backstabbing from even the most apparent loyal of connections and sixthly someone must already be ruling storm's end and no one gives a [ __ ] about that they are very likely running their own economy in society right now with someone they very well may have chosen but now this complete [ __ ] outsider who barged her way into Westeros through fire and blood is going to drop some random peasant boy there as ruler to pocket him as an ally for future Wars and everyone is supposed to accept that like this decision is so monumentally stupid that I completely believe D&D have given up on writing this show I'm not even sure they're aware that there's a world outside of Winterfell Dragonstone in King's Landing at this point and so tossing their names around like tokens makes a lot more sense also Davos being a silent little [ __ ] bugs the [ __ ] out of me in this moment he should know damn well who rules in storm's end who Stannis left in charge while he fought his war but what the [ __ ] ever a Andrey goes to tell IR the good news and he almost dies because she's practicing archery next to a blatant walkway they seriously took a notch out of her intelligence for a jump-scare awesome not Gangi rivers anymore I'm Genji Baratheon Lord of storms end by order of the Queen pretty sure he's supposed to be named Gendry waters if he got a bastard name at all but honestly how could we possibly expect him to get stuff like that right considering what we've been dealing with lately moving on during a drinking game Brienne and Jaime casually mentioned Tyrians first wife and they all have a good laugh about it reminding me of how they not only [ __ ] up that storyline but also how they seemed to turn and laugh at it in retrospect wonderful you then get this bizarre shaming of Brienne for being a virgin which correct me if I'm wrong here but Jamie literally lost his hand to maintain her honor to prevent its besmirch meant yes so maybe don't be ashamed of that you literally use that information to save his life like two days ago and now it's what embarrassing an outside of all that specific context isn't it a point of pride for a woman to have her virginity in these eras like I'm pretty sure an unmarried highborn virgin ladies of an extremely high demand but nah la she hasn't had sex yet what a dude so we move over to more awkward dialogue being shared between John the Neela and Danny the time bomb naturally since Jorah died to save her life they decide to discuss him briefly I love you thanks guys thanks for remembering that Jorah Mormont sacrificed eight years of his life for your dumb ass he defended you at your lowest he stayed with you until what was essentially complete dehydration he prevented your assassination he organized and fought in a rescue mission twice because you can't seem to park a [ __ ] dragon properly he made incredible use of the legendary pockets and maneuver he survived the finale of the fighting pits he searched far and wide for a cure to the Stoneskin disease all the while it was to simply protect you and so what's the first thing you want to talk about when bringing up how he [ __ ] died for you is such a [ __ ] so John decides that he has to tell his family who he truly is out of a sense of honesty I guess even though he is keenly aware that Ned Stark the most honorable man in the [ __ ] solar system kept the secret for like 20 years in order to protect people he argues that with this truth Sansa won't want an heiress gone so it's fine even though those two [ __ ] hate each other right now and all they do is bicker over power meaning this would give Sansa the ammo she needs to challenge Daenerys look there is no benefit to telling anyone about this unless you want to take the throne John you aren't making any sense at all someone is clearly making you do things you wouldn't normally do also I find it amusing that Daenerys now completely agrees that John is definitely the heir to the throne she no longer thinks that this was extremely contrived that his best friend found it in a book and his brother saw it in a vision and no one else knew about it but we're running out of episodes so [ __ ] it she believes it now also real talk whenever either of these to say I love you to each other it feels like eating a wet sock it's slimy forced and it smells weird I have to tell some 7-iron Sansa won't to see me gone and you on the Iron Throne she's not the girl he grew up with not after what she seemed not after what they've done to her I'm sorry what how the [ __ ] would you know that who the [ __ ] told you what happened in Sansa's life who the [ __ ] told you what's answer and Jon's relationship was who the [ __ ] told you what's answer and Jon have previously discussed who the [ __ ] told you that Sansa is different compared to the last time Jon and her even spoke you've been off in [ __ ] nowhere while everything happened to these two what a bizarre comment to make it sounds like a line of dialogue from someone who's been watching the show rather than being from Daenerys cut to the next day and they begin to plan the coming battle apparently they only lost half of their unsullied and Dothraki last episode half despite seeing them all die outside of like five of them which by the way how does one outrun a swarm of the army of the undead when returning to a castle on foot after directly attacking the zombies regardless where the hell were these other 50% of the Dothraki and unsullied in the previous episode they would have been really useful at the point of their being about seven people left in the castle this is totally something I said would happen in the last rage video two they do not care about resources whatsoever they just rise and fall depending on the desired plot Sansa then asks that the armies have time to heal eat and sleep the time frame for such a thing is unclear and would be provided by the officers i came north to fight alongside you great costume my armies in myself now that the time has come to reciprocate you want to piss bone so we have yet another instance of Dany being completely [ __ ] firstly you came to the north to fight with Winterfell because you fell in love with Jon for some reason you didn't give a wet [ __ ] about the north or Sansa secondly the night King was not the enemy of the north that you assisted with he was the enemy of the realm you would have had to have fought him sooner or later and it made no sense to let everyone in the north die so that he would have an even bigger army thirdly Sansa isn't lying and she deferred to officers the people who would have all the facts about all of this and it applies to everyone's men including Daenerys fourthly your entire intention with the throne to conquer Westeros which the north is not entirely happy with so some reservations should be expected and you haven't smooth that over whatsoever finally you are a horrid piece of [ __ ] when you consider this a trade the North fought for life and asked you for help in that regard when you're fighting for a [ __ ] chair go have at it you bitter idiotic grandma so then we move to the remaining Starks telling John the Daenerys has cooties and we can't trust her John reminds them that they would all be dead at this point without her considering the recent battle and any goodwill built up by Sansa this season gets flushed out the [ __ ] window by this single line of screeching diarrhea you understand we don't be dead if not for her I use the one that killed the Mike holy Moses were at the point now with a memory of the night King is reduced to but mom Aria killed the night king though you deserved so much better than this if you only trust the people you grow up with you won't make many allies that's alright I don't need many allies we're family the four of us the last of the Starks aya says this moments before abandoning her family in deciding to never return back to the scene we have John implying that he isn't a stark and his family take it more metaphorically but after a quick look at bran John prompts a line from him it's your choice hey brand do you understand that by saying in front of ire and Sansa that Jon has a choice here you have left him without a [ __ ] choice thank you for your contribution to this narrative please return to browsing Amazon's chair collection so Jon decides to tell him the truth at least I think he does because I can't be sure they [ __ ] cut away before it happened it's not like Jon Snow revealing to his stark family a secret that Ned Stark kept for decades that he is of Targaryen blood giving him a stronger claim to the throne and changing how he may be viewed by his siblings forever might be of [ __ ] interest to the audience especially since I have [ __ ] off the next time we see her is that is that a reaction to Jon or is that just a general thing why did I even come North instead of going for the Queen in the first place if she's just gonna leave to do that anyway did she come here specifically to kill the [ __ ] night king and [ __ ] me it doesn't even make sense why would John need to tell them this unless he wants people to try and kill or betray each other what does he stand to gain by spreading this information why is John a tool now he used to be a character but it's okay I are in Sansa swear not to tell a soul and so Sansa blitz it out in her next scene no wonder Ned kept this [ __ ] secret he's apparently the only [ __ ] in Westeros who could keep his mouth shut then again I can't be sure of what Sansa said because they'd [ __ ] cut away from it they cut away from Tyrion Lannister hand of the Queen discovering that Jon Snow is a Targaryen and has a better claim to the throne while retaining more respect and love and being of a sounder mind why would we want to see his reaction to that what are we human the next scene has Bronn walking in on Jaime and Tyrion having a drink no that's not set up for a quick joke that's the writing in this season how did bran manage to make it to Winterfell so [ __ ] fast how did he get past the entirety of Winterfell unquestioned and unnoticed especially when he's one of the top generals of the Lannister army he was the commander of the city watch and he was the guy who almost killed drogon last season how did he manage to get so lucky that the only two people he needed to find were together alone and in a position that he could threaten their lives without a single element stopping him for all he knew they weren't even alive they both came extremely close to death last episode and [ __ ] me that's not even a point of discussion how they destroyed the entire Legion of the dead along with Satan himself they killed a cult of ice demons and it's like it never happened these people aren't people anymore also do you guys remember how bran nearly killed himself to save Jaime how he symbolically chose his own life over the money he was always trying to make and now in the North free of the dead and Cersei he doesn't join the two people who have shown him a friendship that no one else in this piss-soaked Kingdom ever has what wonderful writing and so to save his life Tyrion promises Bronn Highgarden to counter the offer from Cersei and he accepts only to return in Episode six I imagine yet when bran leaves to hang out in Winterfell I assume because he won't be in King's Landing surely or maybe he'll take the king's road to some in either way he would have to travel again through an entire faction that hate him after he just threatened to kill the hand of the Queen how do you guys not send someone after him like how about $10 a key go murder the guy who was promising to kill you or capture him and questioned him about Searcy's plans and [ __ ] hell if it's this easy to randomly sneak into rooms and [ __ ] just have bran assassinate Daenerys it would make more sense to give him that task to begin with because he would actually end the war and because bran doesn't already like her and he has no history of [ __ ] working for her you are such a dolt wet-look I don't go over it again but I am sorry how do you [ __ ] stroll into half a full Army's worth of people crossbow in hand threatened their second highest in command and stroll away without a care in the [ __ ] world how does this happen in a show designed to show consequences for actions we used to have great writing then they had good writing mixed in with bad but now now it's just a heaping mound of tis McVicker Tyrion and Jaime don't really seem to give a [ __ ] about it either it's like they enjoyed seeing Bronn in the same way that the audience does but like how can Tyrion promise Bronn one of the Seven Kingdoms how is that his power Daenerys would surely have to sign on first also how did bran manage to reload this thing so quickly with one hand when it took Tyrion [ __ ] ages with two hands and he required a tool the same one that Joffrey needed why is everything terrible moving on Jon starts saying goodbye to the people of Winterfell including the wildlings because the wildlings are going beyond the wall since the spookie ice demons are dead now no guys they don't need to remain in the fertile lands and repopulate the north as a symbolic or even downright literal example of bringing everyone together beating the night king and starting life over [ __ ] that [ __ ] we can just fumble on past the wall in essentially desperate unlivable lands during the [ __ ] winter times several kings of the north have attempted to breach the walls to bring their people south and now when you are outright allied with the leader of the northernmost kingdom you choose to live in the frosty equivalent of no-man's land [ __ ] really thanks for killing the wheel building in Episode three it felt great because that was a setup for you utterly ripping the plot to shreds in this episode wasn't it meaning the final target will be the characters in Episode five and at that point I'm sure you will have done something to piss off every single kind of fan that exists for this show so anyway John tells tormund to take ghosts with him to the north that is something that happens John says da Wolfe has no place in the south will you take him with you John you [ __ ] lemon you were the reason that ghost is even in the south John protected the direwolf litter from death and he convinced Ned Stark to put them in his family's care Lord Stark the direwolf is the sigil of your house G seems like the CGI budget got a little too stretched thin so they wrote ghosts too just have a few seconds on-screen and then they cop the [ __ ] out ah but don't you understand it's tough to make the wolf behave in certain ways well I imagine getting dragons and zombies to behave in certain ways wasn't easy was it but yes no hug no pet no touch he just gives away the best [ __ ] good boy this show has ever had you guys remember how much these two have been through its it's not like it you can't so Jon gives tormund a hug goodbye even gives Sam a hug goodbye he even gives Gilly the [ __ ] chancla a hug goodbye but he snubs ghosts they portray it as some sort of choice from Jon to ignore ghosts like he's leaving the stark part of himself behind but this poor woofer has lived for you and almost died for you whether or not you are a stark and this is how you show your love for him you [ __ ] [ __ ] also salmon Gill tank tell Jon they're naming their kid after him the man who left Sam for dead in the previous episode he's not naming the kid after the guy who died for Sam in that same day nor any of his other brave brothers of the night's watch who lost their lives now name it after John good [ __ ] you [ __ ] pie so we move on to the battle plan being enacted Jon will take the Dothraki the unsullied and the north men to the gates of King's Landing while Danny will ferry the other unsullied to Dragonstone under the cover of her dragons okay why not take everyone down the Kings Road oh because we need things to happen so Tyrion tells Varys about what Sansa told him about what Jon told her the Daenerys told not to tell anyone and virus just dead ass it's not a secret anymore it's information [ __ ] varis it's like the writers are telling us that it's just spread now [ __ ] it how wonderfully smooth and simple but varis like John isn't really a character as much as he is a tool right now in fact his current position is mouthpiece for the writers and since we've all been wondering this whole time why the [ __ ] don't Danny and John just get married and ruled together he's decided to provide an answer John grew up in Winterfell his man aren't common and North pretty sure the Targaryen ruled the Seven Kingdoms for centuries under the idea of inbreeding so I'm sure the kingdoms would get over it and [ __ ] me you don't have to have children and the populace don't know about that connection so it's not even that bad viruses drama just dies here if they married and ruled together so we can't have that Oh Tyrion also said this all of it because Robert graafian loves someone who didn't love him back this is probably the stupidest misrepresentation of what actually caused Robert's rebellion in full that I have ever seen and the idea that the Game of Thrones saga was started by this is also insane Ned Stark's father and brother went burned because Robert loved someone who didn't love him back for [ __ ] sake so many details are completely ignored for a line designed to make it seem as though all of it comes down to unrequited love [ __ ] off which leads us right into our next scene [Music] there comes a time in all forms of media consumption where you are so utterly bewildered by an event taking place that there are so many things wrong with it that you don't have words and you simply laugh when I saw this sequence for the first time I wish I had recorded it I burst out laughing struggling to compose myself and I was fundamentally blown away at what in the world I was seeing and the kicker I wasn't even entirely sure of why it's like so many issues cascade on your brain at once you are overwhelmed and you couldn't possibly pass it out in the amount of time you have left before something utterly ridiculous happens on top of what you just saw so that's why we have videos like the one you are listening to now to have a moment to think to collect information and lay out what happened because what the [ __ ] let's roll it back how is the ballista powerful enough to maintain velocity at this height and distance these things like [ __ ] rail guns now how did you manage to hit the target when sitting on a wobbly ship against a flying monster that is that far away from you while you were behind a giant [ __ ] off rock and you did it three [ __ ] times like seriously imagine how amazing he must be to have nailed these shots such a talented character did the iron fleet train with the faceless man for years that seems to be the go-to for explaining ridiculous moments in this series how did you reload so incredibly fast how did you run know exactly when and where to be in order to pull this off does he have a homing beacon on every ship in the sea at all times and you know what it's still bothering me how the [ __ ] does Jon Snow dead ask say that his family were meant to have these dire wolves even though they were in the south and then he just casually announces that ghost has to go beyond the wall because this is no place for him this woofer has been protecting you in the [ __ ] north for eight [ __ ] years you degenerate piece of [ __ ] sorry how did you Ron managed to set this up so that he was using a rock for cover was he hiding there the whole time or did he just get a blind spot of the most convenient [ __ ] moment why if you could shoot either of the two dragons did you shoot the smaller and thus harder target the less threatening target and the target that doesn't hold the dragon Queen you could have ended the war you [ __ ] ass neckbeard how in the world was this a surprise attack that makes no [ __ ] sense at all look at this view how in the world does anyone miss this fleet coming at them we have a clear view for those on the ship and for Dany and it looks like downright summertime the winter element of this world has been completely forgotten how did Danny [ __ ] up to this degree is she unaware of the iron fleet the ocean is the place that houses the last significant enemy preventing her from taking King's Landing with ease Danny lost two significant allies thanks to you Ron last season in a surprise attack on the ocean you would think she might remember that Danny kind of forgot about the iron fleet what the [ __ ] are you two smoking they discuss it twice in the only scene about the battle plans in this episode you absolute ham sandwich and the golden company has arrived in King's Landing courtesy of the Greyjoy fleet will surround the city if the iron fleet tries to ferry in more food dragons will destroy holy [ __ ] I'm guessing Danny forgot about the rest of her entire army during the zombie attack - and that's why they only turned up in the next episode she forgets about a lot of things she forgot that she left her coffee on the [ __ ] table back to the scene though I have to say Emilia Clarke's initial reaction confused the hell out of me the balusters is sticking out of what looks to be Rey girl's heart and she looks like [ __ ] pikachu but yeah Rhaegar died the camera did not cut away from him so we know what that means Daenerys then flies directly at Euron's fleet and manages to dodge an entire flurry of balusters despite one being nailed just seconds ago and that was when she was more than double the distance away as a result of this danger she decides to leave she doesn't attack them immediately after they've missed she doesn't come in at them from the sides or behind she simply abandons everyone Danny the Scorpions can't shoot up use this to your advantage she's gone so naturally you Iran obliterates Danny's entire fleet with his scorpions what is even the point of cannons when you have these [ __ ] strapped to every ship on the iron fleet holy [ __ ] they can even casually kill dragons Tyrion looks to be dead but they cut away so I'm sure he's fine then we see every named character from those ships outside of my Sunday is marooned on this piece of shore and just as we worried about their safety they cut to them being fine at Dragonstone the next we see them can you [ __ ] not show can you not for five seconds why did you bait Tyrians death only for him to have his death baited again five seconds later why would you were on not have killed all of those top advisors to the Queen when even bran commented on that benefit earlier where the [ __ ] did you Ron go how in the hell do you cut from here to here how could you possibly have us except that they made that journey safely instantly this show has lost its mind or then again I suppose it's entirely consistent cutting away from characters is the greatest way to confirm they're fine pity that rule was added into so after Stannis died so in summary regale the [ __ ] dragon survived fighting his zombified brother and fended off the army of the undead after this long and difficult life filled with trials and extreme danger so that he could be swatted out of the sky by an edgy mouth-breathing Punk pirates you're on in 5 seconds commits to more damage than the night king despite his thousands of years of planning you both deserved so much better than this no more memes people just pain you're not gonna ride the dragon South needs to heal no we still have memes we then hard cut to King's Landing where you Ron is telling Cersei about the results of this battle and they established that my son day has been captured how why what even is the progression anymore did my son de straight-up swim to the enemy [ __ ] ships back at Dragonstone we get an angry danny sharing this caulker of a line in reference to the people of King's Landing but perhaps it's good that people see that Daenerys Stormborn made every effort to avoid bloodshed and Cersei Lannister refused we should know him to blame the sky falls down upon Danny's just insane now and the show has been about trying to justify her insanity by saying she lost important people I would like to say [ __ ] that plenty of good characters lose people it doesn't mean you start to murder thousands of fleeing innocence especially when they have nothing to do with the throne though maybe I'm jumping a little too far ahead of myself hopefully Danny means that she will kill Cersei and the soldiers that support her and anyone who happens to die in the crossfire is a necessary loss either way Varys shares with Tyrion that he's done with the Danny train and he's now going to switch sides this is essentially viruses ulti it cools down once per season like seriously he says she can't even marry John because she's too strong for him I guess that's true if you say so virus yeah dumpy [ __ ] portraying John's conviction and morality is weak to the point of saying he would only be a puppet to Daenerys is really fun to hear as a fan of the character and that's on top of the relationship between John and Daenerys being [ __ ] to begin with also blatantly describing your treason to the hand of the Queen in the [ __ ] throne room is probably not the best idea but Tyrion wouldn't Tom virus would he so it's fine Jamie then leaves King's Landing because he's apparently a bad man he argues that he's only ever done all of the things he's done because he loves Cersei and he's just as bad as her all that [ __ ] about fighting for the living and abandoning Cersei in the previous season to pursue what he truly valued is forgotten the new love he found with Brienne in favor of honor and pride in your duty is forgotten years of dvelopment down the [ __ ] toilet a lot of people including myself said this was sort of a cover-up and that he was going to kill Cersei to rid himself of the negative side metaphorically who boy was I wrong his character is [ __ ] Brienne then ugly cries at the thought of Jaime leaving her which is not what Brienne would do [ __ ] would have tackled the [ __ ] and dragged him back to the bedroom for acting a complete waffle and you know what it's still bugging me do you guys remember this John literally just gave away his loyal papa his beloved companion his [ __ ] closest allies so casually it's making me want to rewrite the episode just so I have a vision where it doesn't happen was John just using ghost this whole time to eat people he didn't like and he just ran out of said people John why are you the worst thing on this planet can you please hug your dog oh we then jump into the next scene there comes a time in all forms of media consumption where you are so utterly bewildered by an event taking place that there are so many things wrong with now [ __ ] that Danny just rolled the [ __ ] up to the apparent gates of King's Landing with what amounts to a neutered dragon that can't get within breathing range of the walls 100 shield bros a eunuch and a dwarf no that's not a setup for a quick joke that is the writing in this season and holy [ __ ] with just this visual we have colossal Goliath levels of [ __ ] up irate why does this place look nothing like King's Landing did the winter storms bring the Sahara Desert with it how did they get to this place so fast what is time why would Daenerys have brought such a tiny force including her top advisors to one of the most vulnerable positions imaginable why isn't Cersei killing them all in fact why aren't they killing the dragon that [ __ ] made worthless by any one of those scorpions are we supposed to believe that Cersei [ __ ] Pope killing Vatican destroying San snake poisoning uncle burning family and law incinerating public exploding brother condemning lannister is abiding by the code of conduct really or is it that the fact that the good guys are even here and the bad guys are acting like [ __ ] as a result of the plot taking extreme amounts of damage for a more poetic ending are you [ __ ] with my soul and what in the world of the good guys expect to happen here that Cersei will hand over the enemy Queen's friend and surrender just after you Ron killed a dragon and destroyed the enemy fleet and this is after Cersei has already refused to surrender do what and then we get Cersei actively sparing Tyrion in a tense scene which he has to choose whether or not she will allow him to live we already did seen before show a season ago she does the exact same thing why are you recycling your own ideas especially when they now contradict other things you set up isn't this the same Cersei that promised bran Riverrun as long as he killed Tyrion and now that she's got a billion methods to kill him right in front of her and she's willing to kill my Sunday she still doesn't give the order to shoot Tyrion how the [ __ ] are you Tywin's daughter speaking of which I'm not quite done yet ghost lost an ear for you you [ __ ] the idea of him giving away ghosts because he's embracing being a Targaryen his horseshit he still has half stark blood which is the same amount that he always thought he had and he was still raised in Winterfell and even if he was no longer a [ __ ] stark that doesn't mean he can't hug his goddamn dog oh but most importantly his relationship with his favorite fluffer was never about being a stock anyway if I can loved each other regardless fought together suffered together what the [ __ ] is happening everything is awful Tyrion then says this you're not a monster I know this because I've seen it are you [ __ ] insane Tyrion is appealing to Circe's humanity I want you to absorb that Tyrion Lannister attempts to appeal to Cersei Lannister's humanity while making himself extremely vulnerable to the woman who literally placed a [ __ ] bounty on his head the woman who betrayed the team of the living just so that someone she doesn't like doesn't sit on a chair the woman who are [ __ ] you guys already know this is garbage Tyrion also mentions that she should surrender for her child a child she only recently revealed to Euron since they bumped uglies so since Tyrion hasn't seen Cersei since conception this should be a very large alarm bell for him how about we ask David nutter about this I think you're on he's not paying that much attention nutta said explaining that the scene was more about Tyrion appealing to Cersei softer side Wow you know what that sounds like well Danny kind of forgot about the iron fleet Susy then straight up execute my sundae instead of using her as leverage or keeping her alongside here at old times to clarify Susy put everyone inside the red keep in order to make Dany look bad if she burns everything down or at the very least it functions as protection because Danny and kill everyone but the show just made it seem like Daenerys doesn't really care if everyone inside the red keeper lives or dies as long as she gets Cersei off the throne so if Susie kept my Sunday as a hostage inside the red keep then not only would she have to choose whether or not to burn her best friend but she would also be killing the girlfriend of the leader of her unsullied would grey whim still want to fight for Dany knowing that she killed his Sunday but nah she just kills her which has not only made Daenerys angrier and more determined but she now has no reason not to burn the red keep down but at least she won't be massacring scores of women and children that would be much much worse side note why didn't my Sunday try and fall off the platform and hope for the best as opposed to providing her head to the mountain in fact why didn't she pull Susie off the [ __ ] platform with it that would have been a pretty badass way to go out but yes angry Danny walks away and roll credits Christ that was a thing I was planning to do a single video for the remaining episodes but upon a few rewatch is for episode 4 and with what happened in episode 5 I feel like we need a treatment for each episode before covering the season as a whole we have gotten to the point where it's a sport to watch Game of Thrones and see which characters plot lines and pieces of will building aren't completely obliterated the continuity of this story the fundamental element that creates a story in the first place is [ __ ] everyone's resources are all over the place they go staggeringly high and then crash down at a moment's notice we have no idea who belongs where or what they have Illustrated so lovingly by Daenerys as she asks out of the wildermann if anyone even knows who the Lord of storms end is let's be honest does anyone know anything about anywhere in this bloody world as far as season 8 is concerned only Winterfell Dragonstone and King's Landing even exist this second half of the season is clearly focused on Cersei and Dany while the first half was the undead it's almost clinical and it highlights an issue the death of the knight King was not only a major blow to the series poignancy it was forgotten a mere episode later and we're left to conclude that the knight king really only wanted bran dead because bran has memory when bran doesn't do anything with that outside of viewing wheelchair porn any in the literal next episode the night king and the army of the undead are now limited to the memory of one mangled lying shat out by a snarky conniving child Euron Greyjoy fleet is now more powerful and effective than the army of the undead as a whole perhaps the true night king was the friends we made along the way though seriously that impending doom of winter has disappeared overnight to the point that we got some desert locales now winter is coming sounds like one of the stupidest words for a house in Westeros at this point speaking of which the houses aren't established understood or banked upon anymore and neither of the kingdoms apparently Daenerys has the support of the Prince of Dorne whoever the [ __ ] that is I always thought that according to the show Dawn was a garden with like five people in it and they're all dead now but apparently it's a whole [ __ ] Kingdom how about that speaking of kingdoms can someone explain to me how Cersei has even a whiff of the trust of the people of King's Landing how are they not revolted not that it matters since King's Landing is outfitted with scorpions now and as shown by this episode dragons are almost useless against them as long as there is even three scorpions around Dany just loses no matter what I wonder if they'll stick to that rule in the next episode so yeah the world is no less [ __ ] than in the previous episode however this was the episode in which I will absolutely make the call that they lost the [ __ ] plot and when I say plot and referring to what all of the major characters want to do want to say and what actions they commit to thus furthering the plot Danny thinks that the war with the zombies was the northern war and she now deserves help with her southern war which is about fighting over a chair for [ __ ] sake yes Jon pledged his men in exchange for help because they wouldn't win otherwise but this is such a warped view of what happened that I don't attributed to Danny's growing selfishness I see it as a [ __ ] up on behalf of the rioting why would anyone say that a war with what was supposed to be a force of nature that is killing everything that breathes is a war that only concerns one living faction then again Dany has been extremely stupid to further the plot recently for instance why wasn't there a scout that could have warned the fleet you'd think Danny would push for that considering the iron fleet of her biggest threat right now and they're the ones supplying Cersei with everything in fact you'd think Davos would say something about it considering his expertise but no he's walking with joy down the Kings Road and besides Danny kind of forgot about oh [ __ ] off what about the fact that she moved any of her men via the fleet what was the point of that if you're gonna wait for John anyway just travel with him and travel in a place that the iron fleet can't [ __ ] attack you it's not hard to figure out dragons can even go on land how neat is that on top of that there's the whole Gendry situation which was utter nonsense she now totally believes that John is a Targaryen despite previously pointing out that the information came from his best friend a cowardly chunk and his sidekick Vision Quest wheelie bro then that's how she was so immediately cool with [ __ ] on Jorah despite his almost decade of service to rush the fact that John no longer loves her that much and then this how she was trying to rush Sansa and John with the man even though that caused her to lose even more unsullied she lost her a girl she lost my [ __ ] sundae and she seems to take no responsibility for that at all she's gotten so poorly written that she's frustrated that people have to eat sleep and poop but I mean she's not the only one who lost the plot John seems to think that attacking Cersei is a number-one priority - and treats it as a matter of Honor despite having no interest in who rules and being fully aware of how many people including his own will have to die for a chair his only concern is supposed to be with the well-being of the people but he's pushing for it more than anyone on team Winterfell in the face of real delays that he simply doesn't seem to care about and the most common answer he can provide us when questioned on this is she's McQueen not to mention how he decided to tell a very important secret to the world for what seems to be no [ __ ] reason at all and he just casually lets the wildlings [ __ ] off - he doesn't even offer them the same lands that he managed to convince them to arrive for there are good lands south of the wall the Nights Watch will let you through the tunnel and allow your people to farm those lands I knew Mance Rayder he never wanted a war with the Nights Watch he wanted a new life for his people for you we're prepared to give you that new life yes the night king is gone but the wildlings have always pushed to live on better lands than [ __ ] Tundra and this country now needs them after the several decimation 'he's back stabbings and removals of houses go and inhabit last half just scrape the burnt kid remains off the wall and you're good to go but yeah they lost the plot this episode was all in favor of convincing us that Cersei is a credible threat and that Danny is at a wit's end as a result of cramming this into so few episodes the audience's left utterly bewildered also can someone tell me what was the point of the Euron ambush was it just a random shot at wounding Danny's forces or was it to specifically capture my Sunday and kill her in front of Daenerys which was what designed to simply piss Danny off the whole thing is bizarre what a way to waste the only bargaining chip you have and then outside of the main plot the subplots were just embarrassing like nobody but Bronn Tyrion and Jaime being in Winterfell in order for this scene to happen smoothly all how Tyrion is offering things he can tell how neither of them check up on Bronn once he leaves or how Bronn just doesn't [ __ ] join them for [ __ ] sake then there's the Rhaegar scene and the King's Landing scene in terms of plot there are no words nobody's doing anything that makes any sense whatsoever this whole episode seems to exist solely to twist everyone into doing specific things that allow the remaining two episodes to happen and those will still be bolted on with residue of the same problem we have here which takes us to the characters which you know a lot of them were left mostly unscathed in this episode outside of stupid choices they would have made if drunk but a few of them were significantly damaged like Varys discussing his blatant treasonous intentions in the [ __ ] throne room with the hand of the Queen which is totally in character Varys was always known for sharing loudly what his plans were and I wonder if this is happening in order to facilitate a certain plot point bran is [ __ ] apparently the journey he's been on is solely for money and in favor of money it's never been about anything else which leaves this moment Aldous [ __ ] bran is doing [ __ ] all in these episodes despite his incredible power the guy has access to the past and the future while being fully aware of what everyone does once and says and yet he doesn't offer anyone any useful advice he doesn't tell anybody what the plans of the enemies are he doesn't explain what's to come or how to stop it he just sits there watching porn for [ __ ] sake how does nobody want to use ire to end the war to send her faced up to sneak in and murder the only person that is making this war continue they have the quintessential assassin on their team that they toasted just this episode for his skill in defeating one of the most difficult enemies in history and yet nobody thinks she could solve all of this with just one dagger and 20 good faces Brienne became a completely different character in order to elicit tears from the audio and Jamie just forgot his almost decade of development because [ __ ] it he has to die having my Sunday die in Chains seemed needlessly cruel to the character but there we are oh there was that other moment I forgot to mention several times John [ __ ] snow you couldn't just hug that good boy could you you couldn't even pet him you've known that Papa RINO for like the entire [ __ ] series ghost never left you even when you were [ __ ] dead and then what John leaves ghost for a psychopath wonderful the dire wolves were supposed to be connected spiritually to their counterparts we've had so many scenes building them up so much of the Starks and the wolves being important to each other but then as the seasons moved on they just gave up on it with this scene being the final [ __ ] you do you understand how many times ghost has saved you and your loved ones look how they massacred my boy you better fix this in episode 6 because I actually kind of hate you ghost is wounded and he's wounded because of you for you I want this scene to simply be deleted I want to stab it in its stupid face the show is better if we simply delete this scene and pretend the ghost is just healing instead of the reality being that for no reason ghost is ditched by John [ __ ] snow you cosmic [ __ ] other than that plot armors either thick as [ __ ] or thin as paper depending on what the writers want and this has led to really no consistency in the characters virus Tyrion Sansa brand they have no idea what they're doing even Sam just straight up choosing an insulting name for the child at this point there's not much to say about the broken theme of the show there was a focus on unity the idea that we're all coming together and a bigger better world would come of it but the status quo seems to be the main goal and what a waste of eight years that'll be should have just left Robert as king we would've been better for it as viewers and the kingdom would have been much [ __ ] happier but on top of all that we've been receiving increasingly passive-aggressive lines from the showrunners attempting to defend this crime against humanity with the most pathetic use of backfiring comments we've seen for a long time which leaves us now with the Game of Thrones willed being dead The Game of Thrones plot being in tatters and only the characters to pull us through yes good old Jon Snow Varys Daenerys Tyrion Jaime can't wait to see them in the next episode though judging from Conliffe the actor who plays virus it ain't looking good the actor was quite open about being inconsolable after learning his character would die despite feeling better about things in retrospect I took it very personally he said I took it as a person not as an actor or an artist I understood the reactions of the previous actors who had been in the same position a lot more than I did at the time you can't help feeling that you failed in some way that you haven't lived up to some expectation that you didn't know about hill did reveal though that he felt virus had been done a disservice in recent seasons that's been my feeling the last couple seasons that my character became more peripheral and they concentrated on others more that's fine it's the nature of a multi character show he continued it was kind of frustrating as a whole it's been overwhelmingly positive and brilliant but I suppose the last couple seasons weren't my favorite I will hurt you the day will come when you think you're safe and happy and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying [ __ ] I've thought about killing you more times than I can count you're not a monster as a [ __ ] owl shut the [ __ ] up

Channel: MauLer

Views: 1,390,977

Rating: 4.8998089 out of 5

Keywords: game, of, thrones, season, season 8, eight, episode 3, episode, review, recap, analysis, critique, rage, rant, angry, bad, terrible, awful, breakdown, tv, show, jon, snow, arya, stark, night, king, death, the, long, last, starks

Id: 5B8Ycfy-Ldc

Length: 46min 55sec (2815 seconds)

Published: Sat May 18 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/RuGaard98]

My favourite part of Mauler's rage videos are the insults.

You fucking ham sandwich

[u/[deleted]]

I love Alt Shift X’s videos for season 8. He just goes over the episode, but (especially starting with S8E3) slips so many snide comments and digs into the narration that are just brilliant.

[u/Vengeance2All]

The Long Man arrives in this sub! I’m very anxiously awaiting the rest of his releases on the series.

[u/Strongarm760]

https://www.thefandomentals.com/game-of-thrones-101/

This article is one of my favorites. It's a bit long, and it's about Seasons 5 and 6, but trust me when I say that all the problems we talk about now were just as bad back then. The only reason Season 8 is different is that the problems were more widespread and the show couldn't hide behind the excuse of setting up for the final season to be really good.

[u/WizardFromSahara]

All praise the long man!

[u/OPLeonidas_bitchtits]

I got 8 minutes and 32 seconds into the video before my PTSD kicked in and audibly shouted "IT WAS ALL SO FUCKING STUPID" in my living room, consequently waking my family.

I hate that show so fucking much now, and now I hate all of you for videos like this.

I just want to forget, man. Please let me forget.

[u/[deleted]]

I love Maulers review of the sequel trilogy for Star Wars

[u/DorianGreysPortrait]

That was fookin brilliant. Gonna have to watch the rest of these.

[u/KillerNumber2]

I watched the first minute maybe but I had to stop because it made me sad and I'm so done with GoT. Someone said it in a different thread, but it's amazing that the ending was so bad it has made the entire series unwatchable for a lot of fans and practically removed itself from public conversation.