Zack Snyder's Justice League: An Unbridled Rampage

oh man there's so much to say about this film cyborg he seems a good man in the movie got himself a great moral center looks out for people where he can and wants to achieve to have his parents feel a sense of pride as time goes on his father is less and less available he even misses his son's greatest sporting achievements and this in part connects to an accident that takes cyborg's mother's life and leaves him mortally wounded his father uses a magic box to give his son his body back but his son hates him for it alongside the accident having created resentment he thinks himself a monster without a family a broken man looking for a reason to live he begins to realize his power can be used to help the entire world the possibilities are almost overwhelming the first step is deciding to give a woman some extra money as she is a verifiable good person and she's down on her luck on his path to reconnecting with his father he has led to the justice league and when trying to rescue him an understanding is achieved only his endeavor with the justice league and the mother boxes leads to his father's death a noble one perishing for a good cause moving forward it would be unacceptable not to do as much as he can and even the idea of being consumed by the unity when trying to prevent it doesn't stop his resolve he doesn't waver and in the climax of the film he discovers that his past life his body and his family are gone but that doesn't mean he's alone or broken and so with some help from the team he defeats the incoming enemy force and finds a new lease on life inspiring silas his father is quite the character as well a man of science quite smart and loving in his own way his work took precedent in much of his life but when the choices came when the difficulties arose he was willing to give up his life in an instant for the betterment of the world and man he is quite the actor i won't let you die the film boasts a star-studded cast it has some great sound design and tracks throughout of a fascinating variety the color grading cinematography and lighting are all cohesive for a particular vision the aspect ratio respects the original filming preferences and the special effects are fantastic sometimes now that i've covered all that let's talk about the other three hours and 50 minutes superman is dead and this means the mother boxes are waking from having heard his scream but what are the mother boxes well they are living machines you see machines of change they were created to come together as a three and terraform the planet according to the enemy's home world why not have them pre-built as a single thing to do the thing i i don't know also kind of weird how would it know like the concept of a friendly or an enemy or an owner of a planet i guess does it copy the current state of the home world what if you have no home world um anyway once upon a time way back in the day it would seem that a big alien set foot on earth in hopes of terraforming it with his sorcerer people this didn't work because this was earth and earth had aries zeus artemis a green lantern the amazonians the atlanteans and the race of men coming together to defend it big alien also known as darkseid gets whomped in the neck his ships destroyed his armies defeated his boxes stolen and his anti-life equation abandoned because he couldn't hack it in this battle the anti-life equation is carved into the surface of this very world are you certain i have looked with my own eyes interestingly however this was the only loss for darkseid in millennia across the multiverse the only world dark side had ever lost the only time he was beaten the only time someone made him bleed the only place that ever stole his mother boxes from him and the only place in existence with the anti-life equation we have this confirmed to us by steppenwolf finding it on this planet in a vision provided by the motherbox the very same thing the dark side found when he was first here he found it hidden on a primitive planet the world that fought back it is earth after disrobing he tells senpai darkseid all about this and darkseid is very excited talking about how taking that planet is essentially his main whole deal it will give him control over the entire multiverse he wants his stuff back and he wants them to submit excellent we have our world building and all of existence shall be mine the lost world is earth i have turned 100 000 worlds to dust looking for those who robbed me of my glory why would none of them be aware that this is the same planet thus leading them to it prior to now fading from the view of the enemy anonymous among a trillion worlds darkseid kind is well known i have found the primitive planet he in his vast space-faring multiverse traveling high-tech army forgot which planet had all of these incredibly important aspects of his life take place nobody thought to write this down the coordinates the name the system nothing he almost died when he returned to apocalypse he was in a fight for power and much time passed before he was in a position of power again and by then all who'd been with him had been slayed so with the additional director's input we can confirm darkseid and every system of recording at his disposal kinda forgot about earth also all of the people present for this are dead and also everyone knows the story okay you forgot to pop this in your story there zack not that it makes a difference you probably didn't have the time if you did you could have had zeus create some kind of invisibility field for the entire planet one that he similarly created for themyscira maybe it weakened him allowing aerys to take his shot something that even affects the systems that attempt to lock onto earth's coordinates jumbling the information it helps explain it to some degree while bolstering wonder woman 84 because that film needs it while showing you actually care about other people's movies in this franchise i wonder if there's proof of the opposite you know darkseid's further when talking about this planet actually has me wondering andy life is found assad and we will stop at nothing to possess it why doesn't he teleport in there with his army steppenwolf can use it all the time whenever he wants surely darkseid can too and he wants this place more than anything they are literal seconds from completing their plan right here and he can walk right in there with his parademon army with his omega beams with desaad with um and [ __ ] up the entire place you'd think he'd invade the moment he found out when this world is scorched i will come for my great prize and all of existence shall be mine hmm okay the thing that lets you control all life and you're not going to try and grab it seems a little out of character for the sake of the plot line but what do i know what's a bit weirder is that if the boxes brought these lads in then why did they wait so long the opening goofy ass visual tells us that superman's screams make the motherboxes call to steppenwolf because superman is dead they seem to have a desire of their own to announce that earth is ready for the taking when clark is dead so why not make that announcement before he was even born before he even got to earth he arrived like 35 years ago you boxed things had a huge stretch of millennia to simply call in reinforcements not to mention that clark screamed a plenty in his movies is there a different tone for a death scream what if he died by decapitation no death scream and thus no waking up what if his scream didn't travel the distance he was kryptonite adjacent after all his power isn't at its highest and why doesn't someone like zod yelling not have a similar effect are the boxers really only going to wake up when they hear what they understand to be earth's mightiest hero screaming as he dies which by the way if his scream is travelling these distances then the amount of power it has at the origin point would create a [ __ ] sound nuke and that's a conservative estimate they didn't wake up when he got temporarily deaded in space so why are they waking up when he's temporarily deaded now do they care if he goes off-world do they know what the [ __ ] are these things joss whedon made it so that they woke up to the feeling of fear engulfing the people of earth that fixes like a lot of this that humanity would be more afraid now with their alien protector dead after having killed doomsday and you know there's a worry that more might come justice league is absolutely the inferior film by the way don't worry about that just an interesting comparison why is it that only one of them wakes up fully and the other two sits still despite all three waking upon the death of superman is all of this for the convenience of the plot imagine if silas's box was the first to wake up steppenwolf takes it with ease and the other two well they weren't exactly difficult to get it's essentially said that the mother boxes are technology made by darkseid's team so why not bring three new ones for this task unless of course they are limited in which case how could you possibly have forgotten this planet it would seem that according to diana everyone is aware during the war that if these three boxes unify then the world is burned and everyone is turned into parademons that sucks but hey they fought back and won only the amazonians put the box in a big stone temple thing with guards who apparently sit there every day waiting for it to wake up seems unlikely but you know what kind of reasonable considering its immense destructive power the atlanteans put the box on a pedestal with about five guys around it um less impressive but there we are then there's man he stuck it in a hole a shallow [ __ ] are you [ __ ] kidding me these things if collected caused the end of the world all three of you [ __ ] [ __ ] civilizations need to have the maximum coverage and guard on these things they should be in the heart of your cities they have the power to destroy everything if the enemy has to destroy your city to get it that's gonna make no broader difference but i guess a whole is good enough the bloody nazis found that one for [ __ ] sake not long after this was decided the amazonians had a war with the atlanteans with man enslaving the amazonians as well so all three civilizations stopped talking to each other which is somewhat understandable but then the amazonian one is stolen and it's like ah they're probably gonna you know send a scouting party to inform diana and the world of men or send a raven or a [ __ ] message in a bottle has more chance of working than this does i honestly didn't expect them to have a drawn out ceremony where they somehow managed to fire a flaming arrow across the ocean that sets a stone building on fire that's picked up by a new station that's spotted by diana who flies out there to inspect and manages to take the arrow before evidence did with no police barrier or prevention only to then jump down to some catacombs in the area [ __ ] heels of steel by the way to then open a mystical stone door by placing a magical arrow on the wall and then she can view the wonderful artwork that might give her a vague impression of what the [ __ ] is happening and what she should do have you heard of [ __ ] email get a hot spot you backward-ass [ __ ] troglodytes i expect the planet being on the verge of destruction should give you more motivation to save it than firing an arrow [ __ ] you man has nukes now they might just be able to help it takes about a half [ __ ] hour to get through these scenes and they only accomplish the same degree of storytelling as a single conversation diana could have had with her mother remember she can [ __ ] fly out there it would have been a strong opportunity for exposition and characterization for wonder woman beyond pining for chris not to mention spouting platitudes in each scene can i be like you someday you can be anything you want to be yeah okay let's talk about this scene diana was shown to avoid killing people in both of her solo movies as much as this idea is not fully realized the sentiment is there it's patty's design in the opening of this film she is seen delivering such lethal blows that blood splatters are delivered to the surrounding walls she annihilates people to the point of blasting through doorways unconcerned for those on the other side like what if there was some children tied up right there then she keeps making terrible decisions like blocking every round in the rifle by skirting across the ground rather than moving toward the man firing she moves faster than sound what the [ __ ] is this decision did you just want to look cool because it wasn't cool then there's her lack of movement while he fully reloads his gun she could have taken it and punched him she could have used that lasso she constantly forgets she has she could have put him to the ground instead she gives him the god-killing super move what the [ __ ] she [ __ ] vaporized him she destroyed a huge portion of this building she endangered the lives of every child there she's lost her [ __ ] mind after witnessing this maniac cause a significant disaster possibly killing several people outside with the debris [ __ ] people up too on top of painting the room with the blood of her enemies all motivated by a sense of vengeance alone a little girl asks if she can be anything she wants and wonder woman confirms awkward considering she's a demigod with the power to nuke buildings by slamming her braces together because she was born of a special species but more importantly this scene hits in no other way than [ __ ] farcical let's not forget what happened to the last person who wanted to be like you diana even now patronizing me but i hear you ask how does one fix this if they were giving it an edit well maybe remove the blood and cut the scene as she does her blast maybe you allow the audience to assume that her blast was just a small one and it only hit this guy over instead of confirming that she chopped a chunk out of a building while turning this man to ash i suppose that's the best way to mitigate the sheer character assassination on screen if only someone could try something like that in an alternate cut oh these children need to see a doctor by the way back to the dark ages four city blocks oh my goodness we're gonna be blowing up enough of london to return the modern world to the dark ages four blocks that's pretty big for doing that okay fire is not a tiger and that is not for city blocks in a few minutes four city blocks the counter begins at one minute you mong also you're not even capable of lying what the [ __ ] is this line also she returns right as he shoots the gun was she waiting to look awesome if she saves people or did she really only turn up one second earlier than needed in which case lucky as [ __ ] this guy ran out of bullets and took exactly as long as he did to reload or things might have gone a little different i mean what the [ __ ] took you so long she moves at the speed of sound and tanks headbutts from [ __ ] superman a wonder woman is no longer just a rapist she's a psychopath congratulations her characterization in this movie is [ __ ] embarrassing when looking strictly at her actions she's joined the ranks of some of the most reckless heroes heroes that are in the job for the appreciation but scenes that are specific for telling us who she is are essentially non-existent i lost someone i loved once no you lost him twice i shut myself off from from everyone no you continued saving people for years and you rescued the planet from destruction thanks to wishes going awry my goodness thanks for respecting continuity there zack lil patty you guys can figure that out i've killed things from other worlds before no you haven't okay as an alternative how about she has a scene where she explains her shame in failing to step up as a leader because she believes that steve's death is just one example of the many to come when she begins to tell people to put their lives on the line for a cause this is the job it's my job and i haven't been doing it i've been reacting not leaving to step into the light and to say to people this is worth your life they're all steve trevor but she knows she has to step up because her team member is mortal and he can't lead forever you could have this scene double up as her having concern for a team member's health health that shows his position in the battle prompting her to express through action and dialogue that she cares for the team on a personal level life on a macro level and balancing the responsibility of taking care of this world instead of reminiscing on that chris [ __ ] this conversation could get started because she notices bruce isn't fully recovered from the battle again reinforcing that she keeps an eye on this sort of stuff maybe if we could drop a scene like that into the movie we could improve it somewhat speaking of batman his lack of superpowers puts him in a far more vulnerable state wonder woman could even correct his shoulder while talking to him about having brought in lois lane three things at once he and wonder woman have a stronger friendship developing we make it through tonight we can stay in the shadows forever dress up like a bat or even sue if we get through the night he unlike the others can't tank significant hits humanizing him and reminding the audience of the sacrifice he makes and finally that lois lane was brought in by bruce we're going to come back to that you know a scene like that seems like a straight-up benefit to me be a shame if someone cut it out be a shame if batman was never acknowledged as the one taking the most risk being the most human be a real shame if batman worked really hard to rescue his friends in battle covering diana only to have this demon god jump onto his bat crab and try again and again to punch him to death it would be an additional shame if wonder woman chose to ignore this opting instead to jump off the platform away from him to collect her sword something she doesn't need to save her teammate from certain death it's not like this is made worse when the flash arrives sees a demigod trying to grab a sword versus the man trying to survive a hammering from edginess personified and chooses to push her sword into her hand instead of giving a quick and simple push to steppenwolf saving batman's life but this is in character you see the flash has a crush on wonder woman and he even has a moment where he listens to the commands bruce is giving and watches him get attacked [ __ ] over if you will but opts to ignore him i'll make sure these things follow me instead he gives a [ __ ] morale boost to people walking upstairs despite having the power to clear out the entire building's worth of creatures in five seconds or less you good i've got this keep moving [ __ ] worthless idiot can you help the one person on your team who is actually at risk of dying i mean it's not like batman does everything for this [ __ ] team without a modicum of respect i mean it's not like he's the one collecting and assembling the team taking care of logistics using his arsenal to save them and blow open the enemy base assaulting all of the enemies and essentially fighting a one-man war for five minutes straight while his superhumans waddle in the background thank goodness wonder woman collected her sword so that she didn't have to pick it back up when she landed regardless i hope bruce is still alive and i suppose the saddest thing is that bruce is characterized throughout the entire movie as i want to make a team for clark being heroes is good and at the end he's like woohoo i did it i made the team excellent job riveting in joss's version many reshoots concerned batman himself not just action scenes but moments to tell us what he had come to believe between the two films and what is driving him his strength doesn't matter how strong you are more human than i am after everything he went through to stop clark he's learned enough about him that he sees a man with stronger values than his own alongside a man who has lived a more thorough human experience than himself he lived in this world fell in love got a job despite all that power we know from his conversation with wonder woman later that he wants people to be inspired by heroes superman was a beacon to the world why aren't you which is on theme in joss's version with fear consuming the world yet bruce resigns himself to the shadows because he doesn't believe himself to fit that bill he feels he lacks that fundamentally important element to being a hero in this world and he's not even sure bruce wayne the man he essentially wears as a mask has anything close to it compared to clark kent he believes it should be clark that is the face of the justice league world needs superman and the team needs clark i think it becomes clear in the subtext that bruce wayne needs clark kent to maintain a personal hope as giving into fear of what may come to pass has led him down an uncomfortable and cruel road that's a hell of a lot more for his character than snyder ever did and it's building on stories that snyder [ __ ] started i've always thought of joss's cut to be an absolute garbage fire but when comparing it to an actual garbage fire i'm having different thoughts perhaps i treated you too harshly at least he actually has something compared to wonder woman's nothing at all which should push us to some level of plot discussion don't you think what the [ __ ] happened in this film steppenwolf is summoned to the first box and the amazonian queen devises a plan to drop the entire structure into the water by breaking the wooden pillars no idea how that works or why she spends so long discussing it when the entire world is at stake or why she takes so long to run up a wall only to come back down to strike one enemy all of that's pretty funny sure but the important question here is why the [ __ ] would you think that dropping this into the water would do anything when king goober over here literally teleported in his minions can fly [Music] oh boy you couldn't have guessed it what proceeds is a spectacular fight where questions raise faster than the arrows fly man you may as well have repurposed those guns you got from the germans to be more useful than a [ __ ] bow and arrow at this point then again aren't the arrowheads simply inside you now maybe the armor isn't that effective at all but it was so cool there's this moment where an amazon simply refuses to pick up the cube with her arm and the incredible amazonian agility we all know they have to instead throw her own bow at the ground rather than keeping it on her to use in a moment to then die in order to send the cube attached fire arrow to her queen who rode away when it fell to the right of her in the first place guarded with your life the queen the one who drowned many of her people for this box doesn't give a [ __ ] when it's rolling right by her and doesn't look to defend her people as they die to get it back to her i guess she knew it would work out she just hopes this woman can loose the arrow split seconds before being bisected speaking of what took the amazonians so long to arrive look how close their city is when the portal is first seen they're alerted immediately eight minutes go by and they couldn't get to steppenwolf even when our guys have done at least half the journey they may have been able to put a stop to steppenwolf's plan he had some trouble when six of them ganged up on him imagine a whole army had they been here on time or had the box been in their [ __ ] city this is over and with steppenwolf's departure why don't the amazonian army further pursue him this box is your responsibility it leads to the destruction of your world wake the [ __ ] up you oh that whole ocean of arrows is tearing the [ __ ] out of your queen by the way fire has not burned for 5 000 years men won't know what it means then go tell them yourself you witless muppet this is about the end of the [ __ ] world so steppenwolf eventually makes it to atlantis and takes their cube because king orm is [ __ ] told the king the perimeter guards were taken he won't send reinforcements he says all the reserves are needed in the rebel regions he straight up doesn't care that the world destroying cube is going to be taken he will not provide reinforcements they want me to believe that king orm doesn't care about losing his kingdom to an outsider and all seven kingdoms will have to concede that i am the one true king okay anything to make the plot move along [Applause] come to think of it why isn't mira making use of her royal guard if her father is alive he would of course care about this and send reinforcements and if he's actually dead then she inherits the kingdom please plow the rest of your [ __ ] team in here you insufferable wanker also why aren't you using your powers to [ __ ] with steppenwolf more efficiently like she normally opens it up with ease all the time but for some reason she opens it up once and then closes it again and then fails to open it back up for so long that she gets strangled by steppenwolf why isn't she using it to help aquaman here wait she's straight up letting him get away he's [ __ ] musing on his triumph with the box in hand and she's just watching what the [ __ ] are you doing i thought you were good at causing pain well only one box left good thing cyborg has it and after deciding it can resurrect superman based on [ __ ] all they give it the old college try only during the scene they all forget that the mother box exists for about 10 minutes would be great if someone was to go grab it while everyone is fighting over superman wouldn't it like while they're battling maybe a bat person isn't there because he's busy getting it nope the box is taken by silas stone and then by steppenwolf because batman wasn't doing anything until much later when he helps the soldier up wow lucky lois turns up to calm superman down eh at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the city localized entirely within this field of view yes man if only there was a cut here that gives us a reason for batman to be missing and for lois to have been brought in by someone going to get her like killing two birds by flying them the [ __ ] into each other if only someone made that cut anyway back to the box why did he conclude it was the smart decision to tag the box so that it could be found by the heroes instead of giving it to the heroes what the [ __ ] are you doing he had no reason not to and steppenwolf could have been killed right there the movie might have ended had silas decided not to [ __ ] hit it with a laser that he apparently did to mark the box with super heat thus detectable with a scan for temperature anomalies what if it [ __ ] cools down silas it's a magic box for [ __ ] sake 3.5 million calvin what the [ __ ] do you think a reasonable high temperature is that would literally explode the air around it earth is a crisp the moment you described that was the case and [ __ ] me as if there isn't a unique signature for bruce to track already on these undestroyable energy change machines from the multiverse come the [ __ ] on come to think of it how did silas even create cyborg because the ship was alien and the box was kinda alien and a source of energy and that might just save him if you plug him into it the [ __ ] what is the thought process here how did silas get away with sticking his dying son to a wall while experimenting on him how does he even have access to the body look at it no way a hospital or a government would allow this level of inhumane testing how the [ __ ] does he even have the body and there's no way silas got approval to do this how the [ __ ] did he get away with taking the box or seemingly misplacing it why wouldn't these parademons having broken in and stolen several workers not have been a huge alert immediately how is the security so [ __ ] to allow all of these nonsense things to happen this is like the most valuable thing on the earth guys the dod aren't simply going to allow it to be misplaced it's a mystical relic from the [ __ ] nazis with immense power how could he possibly get it out of there and drop it into his closet all of these things going this way is the only way we get cyborg at all seems a little [ __ ] to me he even establishes that his son now simply has the power to launch nukes his teenage son who hates him thinks of himself as a monster and semi regularly talks about how [ __ ] the people of earth are despite clearly trying to help these people that's a little concerning my dude [ __ ] the world yeah we're gonna talk about the dialogue later the ethical questions relating to cyborg in terms of his power level and the decisions he has to make are incredible what a topic to raise and then not explore at all what a kind thing he did giving this woman one hundred thousand dollars from the bank when that will be spotted instantly by the irs and tracked only to discover that someone somewhere was stolen from and she will be lucky to avoid jail time for grand larceny and taking full advantage of the crime but hey she was happy and he smiled that's character what a childish view of the monetary system we're a part of it's indicative of the sheer potential lost especially considering this is the strongest part of the movie speaking of how awesome cyborg is we've lost the mother box because he forgot steppenwolf was right behind him if he was on point he could have used his power to erase buildings and blast steppenwolf away but mauler you protest he was concerned for his father's life he was distracted i mean he could have blown steppenwolf away as soon as he landed but he didn't he could have flown over to his father broken the glass and gotten him out of there but he didn't and how could he be concerned for his father's life when he doesn't know what this machine even is ah i'm sorry i forgot he knows because he has full access and control over all machinery all over the world correct so why the [ __ ] didn't he turn that machine off and save his father why not turn it back on to [ __ ] melt steppenwolf and save the world you [ __ ] this story is broken he is aware of the machine and should stop it and he should be preventing steppenwolf from getting any closer and why the [ __ ] is he the only one here where is the justice league do you guys remember these people if only one of them could move fast let's talk about where they were [ __ ] i forgot this happened we get the fight scene almost exclusively from cyborg's suit just [ __ ] up like the mother box might have been saved clark might have [ __ ] helped them stop steppenwolf right here but your stupid suit just happens to fire an auto defense shot at superman because what it senses danger good thing it never [ __ ] cyborg over in any other way throughout the whole movie despite being in range of steppenwolf and darkseid it's almost like this only happens here specifically for the plot in joss's version we have plenty of references to cyborg still figuring this [ __ ] out i got a language in my head that i don't speak every day i wake up different modified as well as having another example of auto defense one that doesn't whine rather than having complete control it's not great but it's better and it's not four hours regardless of that how come wonder woman didn't tank the shot with her shield why didn't flash push cyborg or the arm why didn't aquaman [ __ ] do anything why didn't cyborg profusely apologize right after [ __ ] you work harder shut the [ __ ] up cyborg can tank superman's [ __ ] laser batman can tank superman's [ __ ] laser for this long what the [ __ ] thank the gods your [ __ ] butler created this technology for you yesterday jesus christ arthur we need to restrain him yeah you do why the [ __ ] didn't you bring kryptonite it literally renders clark semi harmless you have a whole ass spear of this stuff you [ __ ] idiots you're telling me the moment flash tries to attack clark aquaman attacks from behind and they hit each other knocking them both out of the fight thus preventing them from helping batman [ __ ] hell and all of you stupid [ __ ] forgot the motherbox this whole time it's the only major concern you have when you decided to resurrect superman your contention was on whether the box would activate bringing steppenwolf and thus the end of the world how do you forget that [ __ ] why is amnesia a [ __ ] epidemic in this universe moving on the team have a plan to come up with use cyborg to interface with the unity and charge him up to break them away with the flash having built up this charge from running how do they know this is how it works and that this will work they just do how do they know they have the time they just do how are they in time to do this they just ah these boxes together are world destroyers i'll get inside you and find your weaknesses and your fears and use them to destroy you what the how the [ __ ] do you know that what is this [ __ ] of course it facilitates his big payoff at the end of the film and that's kind of the problem because what the absolute [ __ ] the mother boxes will try and defeat you with your fears if you plug into them as a mother box created cyborg person while also being charged up with a speed force powered fast person diana knows this how why the [ __ ] is this even the thing that happens [ __ ] hell remind me why can't we have cyborg launch a nuke at the site explosives ones ever in the boxes only strengthen their bond why don't we just destroy it they're an unknown form of matter and they love heat they absorb it hold it in their cores oh they feed on energy so we can't really use energy as a source to uh separate the boxes if you will you know like electricity plasma i don't know a lightning bolt but i thought that separated the unity you [ __ ] mongoloids and even if it doesn't stop the unity a set of missiles will wipe out steppenwolf and his stupid bug army it will leave the unity unguarded for you guys to stop it with ease groups pull back you're not gonna make it gee if only someone had the ability to fire an arsenal at will to save the world but that lot ain't the only way this falls apart for instance imagine the unity was instant imagine it took just five minutes imagine it took an hour would be pretty awkward wouldn't it lucky it only took exactly the right amount of time that our heroes would need to stop it even with the ability to rewind time which kind of also breaks the movie right we have the ability to rewind time with no consequence whatsoever there's no butterfly effect and he has immense control the world is rewound exactly as he needs it to be to have specific platforms that take him to victor not to mention connecting to victor at the latest moment possible that charging him would work he was either astronomically lucky or he has absolute control over every aspect of this ability well beyond what we understand about his abilities and what we thought would be possible especially when a more seasoned flash apparently has far less control i don't like to break this rule but when i approach the speed of light i look crazy things happen to time but if i do it i create massive electrical power why would they establish that this is a rule he cannot break only to have him break it twice and save the world why wouldn't he do this whenever anything cataclysmic takes place whenever someone dies whenever he [ __ ] misses the bus imagine the flash took one minute to clear the bugs imagine he charged up and pushed steppenwolf right the [ __ ] away allowing cyborg the time he needs then when he's told they are ready run back and charge up to nail everything they need to do to save the [ __ ] world why would you not have flash clear the area why have him [ __ ] off and charge up so early when he ends up spinning for the entire fight he could be saving people nope we can't have that we get this plan a plan that still gives the team the upper hand only to almost ruin that because batman forgot to nail this one guy on a turret spamming for presumably as long as the flash has been running had flash noticed the sheer bombardment from that one bug he could have hit him and carried on running but nope neither the flash nor batman do and this one guy managed to nail this shot and that happened because the flash wasn't doing a circular track out of range of the turrets when he can move at the speed of [ __ ] light so distance away from cyborg isn't really going to change much at all and that's on top of cyborg deciding to plug into the unity before dealing with steppenwolf what the [ __ ] are you doing you have access to building destroying lasers stop steppenwolf to then prevent him from killing you and your teammates to then approach the [ __ ] unity you [ __ ] can you guys [ __ ] imagine if superman was one second too late and the axe splits cyborg's head open then again i guess that's not much of a worry when steppenwolf was absolutely not even close to hitting cyborg the [ __ ] aims like a sack of piss though it's a fun surprise right seeing all soups show up right when he's needed to the surprise of the team [Music] his name is clark you plank though it was good of alfred to guide superman here while simultaneously not telling bruce about it you'd think he'd let the idiots know that [ __ ] superman is on the way to save their lives but i guess he wanted it to be a nice surprise [ __ ] based alfred hoping the team was dead because they're so cringe but yeah hopping back imagine steppenwolf simply attacked instead of having himself a little walk around or imagine something even stupider like the flash ignoring cyborg when he tells him he's ready for the charge wait that doesn't happen does it i'm connected to the unity i need the charge to get inside you can move at the speed of light [ __ ] he told you he's ready [ __ ] go either this is a major hole or incredibly bad luck with shitty editing it's also [ __ ] because steppenwolf drops here with cyborg moving to the unity but we don't see him connect up for another 70 seconds what the [ __ ] is everyone doing in all of the moment-to-moment drama they just freeze if they aren't on screen this finale breaks apart almost as much as the rest of the plot only these flaws regard the destruction of earth you could call that significant but is it as significant as adding two hours only for the characters to be assassinated reduced confused or used as fan bait we've been over wonder woman and batman is basically hollow so how about the flash he is characterized by being awkward and lacking friends i need friends his father is falsely imprisoned he wants to get his father out and he's looking for a job he gets one by the end his foot's in the door that's my boy all of this is in the prior cut and it's not two hours [ __ ] longer in fact what gets added for flash is this scene this hilarious [ __ ] scene that people actually have the balls to praise a scene where a woman traveling at 20 miles per hour at most crashes into a car propelling it meters into the air flipping over and exploding in all of its 2003 cgi glory because zach is a child during this flash decides to focus not on all the drivers or pedestrians in the area that he could look out for or are affected instead he decides to stroke this woman's hair as she slowly plummets to her death he then pockets a hot dog and stares at her as he brings her to safety people are trying to justify this scene by saying it's his future love interest if anything that makes it more creepy imagine this scene was exactly the same but flash was played by movie bob it's also got such shitty editing that snyder wants us to think the flash got back in the room with the hot dog to convince the woman in the room that he wasn't out there though they show the store owner staring at the girl on the floor as the glass breaks the glass would break in real time after he pushed his finger through it and the car would have rolled in real time this exchange of looks happens in real time which means she saw him and your shitty editing can't change that also there are cameras on the topic of self-indulgent garbage zach why are you zooming into this man tickling the [ __ ] burger in slow motion zach why is there a [ __ ] sesame seed flinging into my screen i don't know that you could have made this driver stupider also what is this face you've been shot out of your car just after a [ __ ] crash you look bored and aroused you can be whatever you want to be you're brilliant man absolute best of the best your kid was one of them dad [Music] one of the best of the best this is the most substance the flash has in the movie and it's one line reflected back hardly what any reasonable person would call an arc or development just repeating a line he wants his father to be proud of him and so he did this i'm honestly surprised this didn't hit more people as an absolute flatline the flash's big payoff of being a great guy and doing a great thing was him deciding to use the powers that just got dropped on him randomly to save the world with no repercussion it's literally the flash sitting in a room with a button that says save the entire world and we're gushing over the fact that he pressed it do you honestly reserve immense levels of pride for someone who decides the world shouldn't end and makes that decision with absolutely zero cost to themselves only benefit i know we're supposed to hate joss right now and all of his works but you do understand that the reason this is meaningful right here is that tony's entire arc revolves around the perceived reality that he only cares about himself the only thing you really fight for is yourself you're not the guy to make the sacrifice play to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you i think i would just cut the wire he is regularly reminded of how much he wouldn't sacrifice while trying to make the world a better place at any expense that comes to him he guides the nuke to the mothership assuming it will kill him he is willing to die to save the earth because he believes it's the right thing to do that last call to pepper to say goodbye just missing her hits that little bit harder when realizing a three-movie arc leads to this payoff barry pressed a [ __ ] button that no one on god's green or snyder's nightmare earth would ever think not to press costing him nothing testing nothing proving nothing how exactly are you the best of the best not to mention that he joined the hero team not to make his dad proud not to do the right thing but because he didn't have friends i i need friends wait you you guys think this is better also what is this music no worries we're going to talk about the soundtrack too instead of running in a [ __ ] circle joss had him risking his life fighting monsters and saving people i will take meaningful action over this self-congratulatory garbage any day snyder had his chance and he [ __ ] blew it with essentially all the characters at this point and there was something for him to create here but he didn't go beyond a line or two in concept everyone is absolutely combing over this final scene when it's entirely spectacle it only happened because of how nonsensical poorly communicated and executed the plan was and the reversal of time being said to have repercussions but in reality does not this is like a job job job job his father is proud that he has a job job laugh my ass off this scene is just as terrible in the final cut as the first but like the scene looks awesome pity there's nothing in it and that's the kind of praise i have when this film is doing well for example he's my hero uh why why do you feel that way is there any insight to ghana here you know we could do this in a nanosecond right we could oh that's true and they don't answer that they just highlight it so you guys reckon this is a huge upgrade from the prior cut and you hate the other cut for this reason that's the plan okay we're not ready for racially charged um yeah that's cringy as hell for dialogue but you can't deny the flash is socially awkward he wants to make friends he thought this was a moment he's stared down by a black guy and says oh [ __ ] that's probably racially charged it's a fair mistake to make for someone like him it seems to line up we then get a fist bump at the end making it clear that he was mistaken and that they have a connection it's a tiny neat payoff meanwhile him saying superman is his hero is out of nowhere when does he ever mention that in any part of the meaningful scenes about his life and what inspires him why is superman significant to him correct me if i'm wrong but wouldn't this be your primary opportunity to explore the why behind it really missing superman right now uh no i meant like actually exploring it because this seems stapled on to me the flash doesn't seem to give the smallest of [ __ ] about clark specifically when his hero is resurrected returned to form and right next to him seems a little [ __ ] hollow manipulative not that it didn't work people are sucking that lion's dick everywhere i'd have wanted you know substance of any kind you can even have cyborg share something about himself and why don't they dig the grave super fast and what if anything can we do to connect these two characters even slightly because snyder's version ends after that line what did joss's do you know i could do this a lot faster i just is it weird that it feels disrespectful yep oh they're digging slowly because they feel uncomfortable digging up a fallen hero's grave um excellent you're struck by lightning a new explosion where the accidents yeah that's us oh that's like that's like actual substance they have camaraderie over being the accidental heroes would be a pity if someone cut that especially if they ended up keeping the fist bump because it's got no meaning behind it anymore beyond the surface so which do you honestly think handled those scenes better especially considering schneider had more time resources and freedom oh i'm sorry i missed something from the snyder cut what do you think man you think she'd ever go for a younger guy can't imagine why anyone would cut that but maybe you aren't convinced maybe you're sitting there stewing on the fact that this line was just so [ __ ] good that it painted a picture of flash for you that is unbreakable well let me ask you this would barry allen as presented in the snyder cut a man who is thoroughly inspired by superman not have a [ __ ] existential crisis when that same superman tries to beat him to death not only is there no introspection when having brushed so close to his own execution but the lessons he may have learned by looking up to clarke should now be in question he is seconds from being incinerated by his hero and we never hear him deal with this it changes nothing for him this is because the line is thrown in not for characterization or meaning but for masquerading as such i can only imagine joss would likely have cut this moment due to it being impossible to reconcile alongside his hero attempting to kill him with the time they had all style no substance that's something that's said for many creators but it's not more expertly represented than in snyder's products for instance why would the flash's shoes break apart but not his clothing in general how are his feet not [ __ ] wrecked here he's not wearing his suit and he's got human vulnerabilities do you know what it means for him to be dragging the concrete apart the visuals can be very neat the substantive details are broken his flash should be ground down to the bone against the concrete the flash is a glass cannon a normal man using the speed force yet he survives insane [ __ ] right here in the superman resurrection right here in the initial battle against steppenwolf right here when he's blasted by alien artillery right here when he charges into stone stairs breaking them apart and that doesn't even begin to cover the crazy levels of plot armor in this movie like mira being spared by steppenwolf over and over again when he has one specific job the amazonian queen was spared and cyborg escaped death because of all steppy picking him up this time when he could have taken his head off or maybe instead of chopping him in half he hits him with the body of the axe handle what the hell the glass on batman ship can't be broken through by steppenwolf after several punches but he can smash through the glass meant to contain 3.5 million kelvin in one lol superman doesn't kill any of the justice league but not for lack of trying he's simply only allowed to use execution moves when there's something in place that can save them like seriously had alfred's test failed here also what the [ __ ] are you doing testing it this way you crazy old bad bruce would have simply died like one of the braces explodes but the other one doesn't despite being blasted for longer and why does getting blasted across the way into a car do nothing to him it did in the other one imagine superman had killed them all might have changed the movie a bit not to mention darkseid not using his omega beams to insta-kill everyone here this [ __ ] is throughout by the way even the good stuff is splattered by snyder's idiotic goo as you guys probably remember i paid some compliments to cyborg and silas near the beginning but that's only as far as not including everything that damages their character choices and the reality of the plot lines they're a part of lots of which isn't included in the prior cut like the parademon showing up to the house to explain it coming in later when we knew that was something they did regardless at the very least it wouldn't stop it for more than five minutes and what were the odds of the parademon coming to have a look at the very moment a cop car drove past the creature is solely focused on finding the box do you really think it's gonna care about a cop car these are normal and amateur cause-and-effect fuck-ups sure but most importantly why would cyborg not warn his father about this and protect him from future parademon visits he can send his father's phone messages at will he [ __ ] this up and his father is kidnapped as a result i would say it's a drastic improvement to remove this scene entirely in the jost cut this functions as a supported surprise not a setup certainly not one that breaks a character and to be honest with you silas should have figured this out already from the previous break-in but everybody is stupid in this universe and what more can be said about silas outside of him somehow not seeing or hearing this [ __ ] ahead of time well had he provided the motherbox to the league he would have saved the day because allowing them to track it means they have the chance to get it back but you could have given it to them now especially when it means the end of the world that's on top of the fact that he never would have had this idea if not for the laser apparently being a viable option as of [ __ ] yesterday as if this movie needed more contrivance that comboed with a myriad of holes and stretches allows the film to happen in the first place i said he was a good actor and he is but this film is filled with horrible acting we've made some real progress let me show you you're right dr stone the test came back negative everyone's clear including you do you think batman is connected to the object you're looking at the hottest thing on earth exact words i said to my prom date she dumped me anyway yeah why is wonder woman looking like she's seen the [ __ ] bus roll in this is darkseid woman this is the future you are most terrified of the war that you were warning people about can you please for once in your screen time look like you care no that was a [ __ ] retake by the way no gal gadot's acting is such a meme that they tried to fix this particular reading with a re-recording and it still sounds like ass no and i've not even covered her narration for the wall flashback holy [ __ ] dark side was met in battle by earth's defenders the old gods men atlanteans before their oh and a whole bunch of those examples were cut in the joss version yet we're definitely worse for it huh yeah so what about aquaman well he's aquaman he basically spends the whole movie being a cool guy who does cool things oh maybe you think that's unfair since i took that clip from justice league i've seen people bumbling across the internet to argue that all of the cringe was whedon's of course because snyder's much more mature so let's play his version shall we oh that's weird the gesture is in there but there's no sound i guess snyder never recorded aquaman doing the cringy because he is of a higher caliber but wait if we check out the original trailers airing before joss was even connected to the project what does one discover oh i guess he saw fans complain about it as terrible weed and cringe in 2017 and so decided to exit they wouldn't be proof of other things like that would they it's good to see you playing well with others again just like a bat i dig it maybe temporary oh boy and everyone was sure that was whedon we lost a jk simmons scene just to avoid the cringe i hear you can talk to fish [Music] even the fish joke was originally snyder guys you have to understand snyder was the cringe all along he just wanted you to think that his version was entirely dissimilar when in reality he was the driving force behind so much of what makes it fall the [ __ ] apart for instance this whole shot in imax and preserving a 4x3 adjacent aspect ratio he didn't intend to do that when filming you can see that from so many shot comparisons to the trailer back in 2016 red letter media have shown this as well what they haven't shown is that the headspace when looking at shots for what snyder would have created from scratch after the deal was made is a bit different look how everyone is framed in the nightmare scenes or the bonus steppenwolf scenes look at darkseid's final scene no awkward headspace [ __ ] there he shot this originally intending to cut it to size only he began claiming it's his vision to help distance it from the weed and cut as much as possible which also explains the black and white and the bloated run time even superman's suit wasn't going to be black at first guys and if you want to claim he's changed his vision retroactively then we need to have a chat about words retaining meaning he tried anything and everything within his power to separate these two cuts but enough about that back on with aquaman he's barely a character he talks about not wanting to be king finding most people as selfish and superstitious this is something we get in bonus willem dafoe scenes but we already had it in the joss cut this is just bloat he's sort of dragged along because he's told he has to a mother box our people god is not safe the time has come take up your mother's pride somehow it's only his responsibility to save the world then why the hell did you even bother defending this stupid box in the first place your mother left you to save your life it would have been her responsibility to follow that monster to the surface and stop him now it's yours what you guys aren't going to do anything this [ __ ] is about to end the world and because of tradition you're sending one guy to hopefully stop him is this a [ __ ] joke why are the amazonians and the atlanteans so god damn useless is it because their involvement might have ended the plot too quickly okay i guess that's good writing regardless like i said he's essentially pushed into doing stuff man imagine finding out more from arthur how he feels about the situation what his ideas on it are imagine a bonus scene in the movie that gives you more insight to what he feels we're with you till it's done honestly i think we're all going to be dead way before that it's an honorable end but we got to shut stepping wolf down i know we went to war with the amazons but that was before my time you know what i don't want to die i'm young there's [ __ ] that i want to do i've been alone in my whole life being part of something bigger like this this tells us something about him whether cringy or not snyder bizarrely tries to have him generate some drama with cyborg where he believes he might be working for the enemy well you know a lot about these boxes makes you think you know you're trying to say something oh i'm saying it how do we know you're not working for them did they forget that aquaman knows cyborg rescued all of the people steppenwolf wanted do they remember that aquaman knows he saved the justice league from drowning he's provided the main item the enemies want to this group himself is this just a random line to make it seem as though there's drama because a successful film did that as well his father's dead because of us no aquaman his dad made a choice that actually kind of screwed you guys over while also potentially ending the world not to mention being something that cyborg himself could have prevented but oh well in the joss whedon cut aquaman is like really mean to victor for no reason he's kind of like a jerk overall and it never gets resolved but in this one he's sympathetic to victor and he talks about how he feels bad for him and they're kind of bros see you can't find them or maybe you don't want to man i'm not doing this on purpose right because you can't control the machine we're asking a kid who just lost his father to go up against the most powerful machines in the universe it's not fair i thought you didn't care i never said that this is a completely different relationship now wait what that's not true at all aquaman was a dick to cyborg in the snyder cut you know a lot about these boxes makes you think how do we know you're not working for them and that one actually made no sense because cyborg had done nothing but support the team snyder had aquaman say it to prompt the history lesson about the box and cyborg's construction there's no apology for that it's dropped entirely not to mention aquaman's commentary on silas is inaccurate to the situation and against what we know aquaman would say about a man having prevented the league from saving the world he should be pissed that silas stole the box but the thing is you're wrong twice over the joss cut removed the alternative silas plotline he's alive by the end you can't have aquaman saying cyborg is going up against the boxes when his father died that wouldn't make any sense so of course this line is dropped secondly aquaman has a fantastic [ __ ] reason to be pissed at victor in justice league they all do his suit malfunction his inability to control the machine might have just cost them the entire world how would it be unreasonable to be angry in that situation not to mention that when we hit the final fight aquaman has clearly come around to cyborg and they combo up other than that aquaman says all right and mama while drinking and seeming like he doesn't care just like the rest of the original cut because zach didn't do anything for arthur curry in fact he [ __ ] with aquaman are you aware that the atlanteans can speak to each other underwater zack it's true the half-breed wields king atlanta's trident he commands the sea then that half breed is your king they don't do these weird fish noises [Music] are you aware that only the royal blooded people can survive out of water that the normies and the guards they have to have suits to survive you seem to forget this for the entire scene of pulling atlanteans out of the ocean showing the entire drag the drop the interrogation that was already set up by willem dafoe guards never stronghold have been disappearing snatches from above talk to king yet you show it and you show the questions steppenwolf asks then throwing the dude about then using a spider to get the answers he wants after splitting his skull steppenwolf is a smart boy so you already had a scene set for why steppenwolf could get to the mother boxes they call to him you've shown he can teleport in so that's fine then you add atlanteans were being abducted and interrogated you don't need this and then you showed that happening you also don't need this then you made the entire scene redundant twice over because he has a device to do that for him but you didn't even need that if only someone could have cut all of that fat out of the movie falco told me you would come the first born of beloved queen atlanta are you aware of the [ __ ] accent mira has in aquaman she's not british he's a short-sighted is he is cruel since before the sahara was a desert thank you for repeating what i just said it's completely dried out i knew her next one of us my parents died in the wars she took me no they [ __ ] didn't your father is actually pivotal to the aquaman storyline did you [ __ ] forget this james wan considers aquaman a sequel to the snyder cut so why is it that joss actually cut this out and replaced it to make it match aquaman more i knew her that makes one of us when my parents fought in the wars she took me this is getting a little weird isn't it whedon didn't just add adr lines to improve continuity he made the people in these films more human [Music] did he just bail this guy's still bothering you civilians we gotta pull these things apart couple more seconds you'll see your opening i think we could take it good so i really like being alive clark i take it back i want to die oh my god it's like the first time superman actually had a proper [ __ ] laugh in this dismal tormented universe but i'm also a big fan of justice [ __ ] yes i will take this cheesy ass line over watching nightmare superman slice body parts off screaming enemies while firing his laser at innocent people you are welcome to prefer otherwise how about we compare the goobers we have families why does everyone keep telling me whedon steppenwolf is so committed to the evil bad guy trope that he's baffled by the idea of appealing to a family as a reason to spare a life it's pretty damn cheesy plenty to have fun with please we have families then you have weakness uh wait a minute isn't your entire thing in this movie to get back to your demon alien family under the wing of daddy darkseid also that line is pretty damn edgy make of them what you will though i think it's worth highlighting that in snyder's version the justice league simply arrive and see silas is in trouble whedon's has a quick pan before that showing silas still wears his wedding ring comboed up with his expression bolstering his connection to his family in what would be a drastic situation probably would have been worth keeping that in one of the last shots of the league staring out into the world joss has them looking at life returning to this evil villain base obviously on point with the vibe of the film similarly zack gave a suitable visual that meshes with his vision a murky decrepit smoke-laden wasteland i think it's clear that joss was trying to make repairs and in regard to the characters of aquaman volkow and mira seem to be very invested in the motherbox they even turn up at the end to congratulate arthur i like how he locks arms with willem dafoe as if these guys did [ __ ] anything the aquaman stuff is a lot like the batman stuff and the flash stuff and the wonder woman stuff you know worse in the snyder cut cyborg has more flesh but he also has a metric ton more [ __ ] ups then we have the amazon queen lois mirra martha lex vulco darkseid sort of like none of them are characterized beyond their function in the plot even the meaningful martha lowest scene didn't have martha in it apparently the martian manhunter was very invested in getting lois back on track to being a [ __ ] journalist you haven't been to work since clark died i can't there is something you can do for me honey come back to the living this man seriously needs to reevaluate what he's invested in but more to the point why pretend to be martha instead of talking to her as the general that she has a relationship with especially since if she references this discussion in future she will realize someone [ __ ] with her you're going to scare both herself and martha for no reason the fact is he can go over her issues with clarke's death not necessarily superman's he can talk about her work and give her encouragement instead he now risks everyone seeing him go in as the general or martha and leaving as the opposite or the same and have everyone questioning just what the [ __ ] is happening for the general to be there but he also turns into the martian for a moment in the apartment building for no reason at all why risk getting caught is it just to make fans cream their pants at their favorite comic book guy man if only there was a cut that kept the substance of this scene maintained the characters involved and removed the martian element considering how redundant it was hmm i honestly think it shouldn't go understated that this meaningful discussion and connection between clark's mother and clark's love interest is removed for no other reason than bait it's also sad to know that bruce didn't help out superman's mother with her house especially after the moment they shared but whatever everyone sucks in this universe speaking of which the villains ladies and gentlemen darkseid wants to take over the world running exclusively on nostalgia for fans because nothing of substance comes out of him except i'm evil at least we have steppenwolf right what was his motivation again well unlike the justice cut where he was a powerful entity looking to facilitate the unity and ascend to godhood as a reprieve from his exile conquering the earth in the process he is now a powerful guy looking to conquer the earth for darkseid because he betrayed him once that was worth the extra eight scenes of steppenwolf it's certainly worth the two hours what the [ __ ] is wrong with you people praising this addition as if steppenwolf is incredibly strong as a character now he simply works for someone who has the exact same motivation as steppenwolf from joss's cut do you guys even remember the theatrical version and what level of subtlety was used to get this motivation across to the audience i wonder steppenwolf who might have sat here by the side of the great one desired let me make a plea to him that i may come home oh they just start discussing his core motivation mighty steppenwolf undone by his self pride let me make a plea to him you betrayed him i saw my mistake i slaughtered those who sought his throne like wow they just lay out everything both of them already know for the sake of the audience he will see my worth again this is considered to be a strong addition you still oh the great one 50 000 more worlds wait what 50 000 planets how the [ __ ] is he gonna do that what the villains in this film have been proven to be [ __ ] already from everything they forget alongside their multiple opportunities through both the boom tube and the big old portal device to invade earth at its weakest with their armies after establishing the planet has everything they want and they see steppenwolf has almost won but they do nothing not even elizabeth warren has the balls to get in there and make a difference hey remember the big fight why didn't he just set down in the middle of some random island to commit the unity it literally burns the earth and gives him control over the inhabitants it sounds pretty useful dude why go to a place where all of the armies are going to meet you nearly all of them are landlocked you stupid [ __ ] the atlanteans are gonna be way too slow to catch up to you and you can blast them with your giant fuck-off spaceships maybe you lost the fight because you put your gimpy defenseless copy-pasted sorcerers in the center of the battlefield doing [ __ ] nothing only to be killed by a normal ass arrow imagine he put them behind his ships and protected them in fact how did they know you were coming here it all has to be figured out in the modern day did you warn them ah you didn't have to set down here darkseid this is [ __ ] embarrassing man maybe a cut where you remove all of the dark side scenes all of the bonus steppenwolf scenes and the additional nonsense world building could be made maybe that would give the story more coherency who knows what we do know is that dialogue for steppenwolf was terrible and the movie is filled with it because zack is terrible at dialogue no man in the sky intervened when i was a boy to deliver me from daddy's fists and abominations not to mention the dceu is pretty terrible at dialogue handsome but like you know what are the examples who are you the lasso of hestia compels you to reveal the truth why the [ __ ] would you explain what your truth lasso does to this man when you're trying to find out everything you can as quickly as you can to save people's lives his personal knowledge of the lasso's function makes no difference he will tell the truth regardless was all this because you can't write expository dialogue as i talked to my father who's still in prison for the murder of my mother which he didn't commit how did i get interested in criminal justice i can't remember i am a drag on your life wow isn't it convenient that the first time we see this significant background character from barry's life they spill out all of the important details about both their characters and what they both want i want you to listen to me because i mean this i want you to give all that up and i want you to stop coming to see me was all that because you can't write expository dialogue ryan shore director of nanotechnology that's your thing oh yep that's my thing wow why would that guy say it's your thing and then you repeat it's your thing ryan choi is it because that's a reference to the second atom is all that because you can't write expository dialogue who have you ever loved oh you said that to batman the guy who knows exactly what it's like to lose so many loves like a mother a father like an adopted son wow these lines are so good they just write themselves wish i was so talented as to point out that batman loved his parents you stupid [ __ ] i'm just so glad that we were able to fully understand exactly who these people are through their words and their actions not just expository dialogue we understand who these characters are by words and actions and not just expository dialogue [ __ ] hell brown table i was taking the piss how could you possibly think this you need me to help you undo this world you created by letting her die hey you know what criminal justice would be for me my son not wasting his life the dialogue is awful this one will be mine i belong to no one [Laughter] something is not working well oh [ __ ] down with the modern world back to the dark ages oh this lied it's so bad but like how do you even achieve this goal with blowing up four city blocks you get oh sorry that's your signal that means we have to go now yeah that's that's what that means it's so cool oh jeez i i need friends good god people thought that was a whedon reshoot who are you we're a small group of reactionary terrorists why when speaking the truth would they call themselves reactionary terrorists okay i hate atlanteans as much as you amazons do hate is useless hate is useless jesus christ besides who's gonna give you a reacharound oh god stop everyone is so quick to [ __ ] on josh's dialogue when snyder's is absolute dog [ __ ] at least the terrible mandated jokes were given a level of awareness snyder thinks this is glorious do you really think that oh wow they just they really just vanish huh oh that's rude oh look the joke where everyone is faster than the flash somehow i guess that wasn't a jost joke not fast enough to stop the rock that falls on top of people despite stopping the rest not fast enough to dodge the laser shot not fast enough to make his job interview and not fast enough to catch that everyone left around him not fast enough to outpace victor to the [ __ ] mother box what a great flash strong man as strong as alone you ever heard that ever hear a superman he died fighting next to me my point exactly so this isn't a saying it's zack's dialogue for sure but i mean it's certainly not true and man if it were me i would cut in a response to challenge it like i don't know bruce saying that's the opposite of what that's saying supposed to be that's not a saying that's the opposite of what the saying is oh joss did that and he managed to make it a superior scene despite chopping it down because he cut out this [ __ ] [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is this [Music] seriously was ben affleck just walking through these people hoping this will look and sound great in the end maybe that was the attitude for a lot of the movies since the soundtrack is pretty ass wouldn't you say for example zack decided we needed this track for walking upstairs wait a minute why the [ __ ] didn't you just cut this out they're walking upstairs dude could this film have some bloat hmm zach decided to use this song for the flash it's playing as he waddles to her rescue i can't did i dream you dreamed about me the [ __ ] lyrics just said did i dream you dreamed about me as he is grabbing a [ __ ] sausage in slow motion you can't make this up some of this [ __ ] comes out of nowhere you just end up pondering what the [ __ ] is wrong with the person making these decisions like this applies to changes too remember in whedon's how aquaman had his own awesome cool dude bro epic scene where he awesomed his way through the ocean well we got this track [Music] zach decided to change it to a different track um i don't i'm not really vibing with that [Music] oh i don't think that matches well remember wonder woman's theme the thing they play when she's about to commit a war crime [Music] well they do that in this with all the grace of a constipated magikarp but that ain't it for all wonder woman as if she needed more damage from this cut zach decided that her theme should be encompassed by a ghastly [ __ ] yodel every goddamn time she does [ __ ] anything listen to this inane horseshit [Music] shall we [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] this was so distracting that i struggled to think any human being on this planet failed to notice but music is good at manipulating an audience for instance what if superman's theme is played at several intervals [Music] sweetheart [Music] is this because it's earned no superman is in the same worthless dour state as he was in bvs oh that movie is ass cancer too by the way we got videos on the muller channel all about it links in the description oh my god again okay look at this batman hid under a rock now look what it does to everything else congratulations the s is a symbol it means hope you can make a choice they will join you a choice you will help them accomplish wonders all the hopes and dreams of krypton live in you now you gave hope to their world love them like i love you it's totally a choice though bridge the worlds burn the [ __ ] out of unborn children as a part of a civilization that had one chance to live again while crashing said container into metropolis because you're an awful person and you aren't held accountable also love them bridge them lofty meaningless dialogue to bring you back to the stage you were at not a movie prior which means superman was just on pause and then punching things while in his black suit and on top of that putting on the black suit had no [ __ ] story relevance at all it's literally done to make you like and share that cool thing you saw scoring points for doing nothing but referencing something you enjoy from something more substantive y'all are easily [ __ ] pleased oh boy look at these suits put it in the promos i beg you anything to tickle my balls lois is essentially superman's ragdoll hence the lack of commentary which means we need to talk more about superman isn't it pretty mortifying that superman's core confused state is that of killing anything and everything that seems like it could hurt him on top of being shown to go [ __ ] nuts and kill everyone once lois dies though it makes sense considering his characterization in man of steel gripton had his chance we talked about this what was i supposed to do just let them die maybe again most of the heroes in the dc eu are atrocity-inducing psychopaths though in terms of plot it's insane to me that so much pressure is placed on bringing him back to beat steppenwolf and save the world at the cost of activating the cube when they completely forget about the cube to focus on him and then forget about him to focus on the cube once again he is your ace in the hole you [ __ ] idiots you need to tell him the world is ending you probably should have opened with that or maybe you should have told lois to tell him like the end of the world is placed in the trusting hands of hopefully he shows up and he only does because he thinks they must have brought him back for something they wanted me back for a reason i need to find out why when they could have easily brought him back because he's superman and he died to save the world imagine he was satisfied with that being the answer the world [ __ ] ends imagine he took a day to recalibrate the world [ __ ] ends imagine he did turn up but he was too late because there was no rush the world [ __ ] ends they put no effort into finding him when everything rests on it they just hope you'll be here alfred i know it what makes you so sure what the [ __ ] is this dumbass line doing here they know he's with lois they know where he lived but nope they don't give a single [ __ ] to try and contact superman when he's the main hope of actually winning shut the [ __ ] up man if it were me i would likely do a reshoot where i have batman be the one to bring lois in to be busy sorting that out which like i said fixes some issues on its own and of course have him tell her what's happening so she can explain it to superman that's probably what i would do whether i was forced to record a bearded henry or not i have to send you away he needs you fate of the world i think that's the deal he was pretty tense well i guess i do all one anyone who thinks snyder's cut is more coherent than whedon's wasn't paying attention the funny part to me is the shitty dialogue the weird music choices the truncated pacing the awful special effects and generally ugly-ass color grading is explained by having a couple of months to completely alter a project under the stifling view of a desperate movie studio what the [ __ ] is your excuse oh hey that's a nice segue into the effects of this movie why do they have a shot of steppenwolf sneak at a peak like he does it for a bit and then they show it again i know that he wants to get his axe it's like he's a [ __ ] actor from l.a noire trying to remain non-suspicious it's just funny to me oh my god what the [ __ ] is this what is this stupid-ass bullet dance you have wonder woman doing look at this equally goopy ass glide superman's doing what the [ __ ] what look at this dude [Music] wait till you see them oh no no no no look at the top of his head like plenty looks solid but you don't have the excuse this time for stuff that's just downright hilarious please stop i can't handle it what what what what all right so if a significant portion of the cut is worse yet added in under half an hour and so many of the beneficial elements are equally tiny then where the hell is the time code going well how about some comparisons in the jost cut we learn that lex has escaped his bruce wayne facilitated imprisonment in arkham and it takes 31 seconds to get to deathstroke approaching lex from the beginning of the scene in the snyder cut we learn that lex has escaped his bruce wayne facilitated imprisonment in arkham and nothing additional outside of some cringe-worthy acting to get the same frame in 112 seconds that's almost four times as long to achieve nothing more that lex deathstroke scene is pretty amazing by the way payment comes in the form of batman's name being revealed as bruce wayne something deathstroke hasn't figured out for as much as 20 years despite it being tossed around with no regard for secrecy in as recent as this movie so let me get this straight you do dress like a bat like an actual bat dressed like a bat you're out of your mind bruce wayne worked for 20 years and got the fight comes we'll need you don't count on a batman all of these people are right [ __ ] there you [ __ ] sorry back on track let's look at a scene where the star labs janitor discovers the parademon in the joss cut we learn the janitor came across a parademon this sets up the missing people being interrogated about the box because it's not in star labs anymore but the scent is it takes 24 seconds in the snyder cut we learn that the star labs janitor came across a parademon this sets up the missing people being interrogated about the box for the same reason and it takes 71 seconds that's not including the bonus scenes that reaffirm this information on top of that it's already near four times as long how about the intro where the gunman are entering the building in joss's cut they enter go up the stairs and then get the people into the main room in the snyder cut we watch this man go from the bottom floor across the stairs up and around to the main room and it takes an extra 90 seconds zack even adds that they install a fake guard despite the obvious nature that a secret alarm would have been tripped and they want the police to know they are there they call them to witness this for [ __ ] sake we'll be making a statement shortly until then if i see any movement you'll have a lot of dead kids in your hands we have no demands we're just stalling the police while we're doing it well you do what these dramatic extensions that cause more problems are throughout the movie and i don't know seems a good idea to cuddle this [ __ ] bloat doesn't it also what the [ __ ] you see these guys exit the same van as this guy who went right by you and there's no concern about him is it literally because you didn't see a gun on him why would you assume they're not together okay how about scenes of visual splendor like the amazons firing the arrow of artemis to warn wonder woman joss takes 23 seconds to say that wonder woman will see the arrow light up on the building and war is on the way stupid but short snyder took 127 seconds to do that exact same thing only to then add scene after scene of wonder woman gallivanting in an ancient cave to unlock a stone door with this arrow and find out through carvings that darkseid got [ __ ] slapped and he's coming back maybe when the men bury the box the scene is over and done with in josh's version but zack feels the need to show us that they are definitely putting soil on that hole remember how superman's scream is waking up all of the boxes something that you could have a character say at a later point in your movie didn't call out to steppenwolf none of the boxes did not until not until superman died it's like they were afraid of him yes they were afraid of him which doesn't make much sense by the way but whatever how long do you think zack needed to visualize it 5 minutes and 22 seconds that doesn't account for the full intro by the way just the superman scream portion of it then there's the slo-mo so many [ __ ] shots in slow motion to try and justify this run time slow-mo on aquaman's rippling face slow-mo for so much of the action to make sure you absorb just what the [ __ ] is happening before you're hit with hilarity [ __ ] is self-indulgent to say the least and that's a criticism for every aspect of his filmmaking on display it insists upon itself lois he even [ __ ] the slow-mo up sometimes filming the women and slowing them down but failing to slow down the rubble when it's put in post at least joss can say he didn't have a slow-mo shot of a [ __ ] sesame seed slapping the camera it surprises me to the sum of zero that joss would have cut this [ __ ] seed out if you hadn't guessed it already i don't have a single [ __ ] issue with length it's bloat it's the inane waste of our finite lives that joss can actually spare you from in part you guys ever think about this scene where silas is dropped into the facility moved through and placed with other people ready for interrogation it's entirely bloat we know he was kidnapped and then we see him in the interrogation later it's just like the atlantean interrogation scene why include it if it's redundant and this is strictly from an information time argument if you want to argue for atmosphere films could be 10 billion years long perhaps next time we will watch this man climb stairs for 10 hours is this to bloat the film and get it as long as possible so that optically it seems entirely different from the original cut to further prove how the wb butchered it when in reality it's just a fat justice league with different colors and different jokes not to mention some [ __ ] stapled on and some better stuff removed because [ __ ] me zack you played the audience like a damn fiddle why do you think the trailer shows so many scenes that aren't in the weed and cut at all it's to convince you the entire film was different do you guys feel excited for the future do you feel like it was the substance that convinced you to get hype or was it the bait the pure unadulterated [ __ ] bait darkseid steppenwolf boxes deathstroke lex is back joker dissod elizabeth warren nightmare [ __ ] the justice league table cyborg movie flash movie wonder woman movie rebuilding wayne manor batman solo movie justice league 2 nightmare movie wonder woman prequel movie why did zach dress wonder woman like a [ __ ] dracula the bat tank oh that was a [ __ ] worthwhile payoff wasn't it this is mystery box [ __ ] guys this is jj's [ __ ] forte it's literally what they plastered in the promo [ __ ] you [ __ ] fools how about the ice breath that [ __ ] came out of nowhere probably would have been useful in several occasions across this entire mangled franchise and it relies on a third-party knowledge of superman because this [ __ ] is insane for a new viewer but if you are aware of past properties it might just give your balls that extra tickle assuming you aren't too busy reconciling morose mass murder man with actual superman this isn't a joke you can't murder people and call yourselves heroes superman is almost normal again that's good more movies to come oh and look martian manhunter hopefully he gets a movie too oh and some they've called me the martian manhunter wait but wouldn't you rather be known by your name and who my good man [ __ ] who calls you that also why would you think describing yourself as a man hunter alien would come across as friendly to a superhero with no context especially this superhero who the [ __ ] talks like this unless they're creating a promo to manipulate fans oh and you know what we haven't really spoken on his scene yet the scene where he comes down to bruce and explains that he's invested in helping he has seen people come together and it's given him new hope and a stake in the world when we know he had a stake in it already how do we know you won't one day act against america's interests he has actively tried to save the world on a regular basis in his human persona and he's already seen the team up in bvs oh i'm sorry where the [ __ ] were you in each of the three world ending events you cuck why are you turning up once everything ended with each of zod doomsday and steppenwolf defeated [ __ ] cowardice is what that is i'm sure you're not going to tell me that he was added later in production to bait fans too surely not surely bruce doesn't look thinner and older because this was shot well past original filming dates and surely making martha the martian man hunter in this scene wasn't an attempt to avoid looking like this was all dropped at once right it honestly wouldn't surprise me if the martian manhunter brew scene was tacked on and zack felt they'd already tacked on the fan baiting joker nightmare sequence so he needed to justify this one a bit better leading him to take the martha scene and make it a martian manhunter scene to establish him beforehand to make the end look less [ __ ] blatant in terms of the manipulation oh boy that would be cheap right to use the fans that way i shot uh martian manhunter um the shot of harry lennox that a shot i didn't have of him leaving martha's apartment yeah i shot it right down uh right in the right down in the driveway zach just wants more movies he wants to slam his 100 million dollar action figures together again and again and he knows how to garner support for it it's all manipulation joker was marketed as having new and important scenes but not only does he lose his trailer dialogue in the final cut he only shows up in a [ __ ] dream to offer a reach around i wasn't cheating i wasn't doing like oh you broke the rules like dropping this promotional [ __ ] that doesn't appear in the movie probably because jared leto shot this for his private collection i am not someone who is love i suppose that would explain the nightmare sequence wouldn't it a scene that was clearly shot well after 2017 specifically to make it seem as though there's way more of a plan to have the entire conversation bait the deaths of characters the arrival of characters and the tumultuous end of the justice league it's all bait oh boy recycling footage just to get people to push for you to have your sequels because your shitty movies could never stand on their own you have to bait sequels and a franchise because you are the mcu without the substance think on that as a statement justice league being this almost base plate of a story created by zack with two creators coming in to tweak it according to their respective preferences resulting in two cuts one being given every limit under the sun from tonal to length requirements to not even having the script controllable to begin with to the other being given full control a ton of money freedom and access to actors that would be rare for most on top of that the most important element provided that accentuates every other one is time time to craft his vision specifically something the other did not have i know that people are absolutely loving the snyder cut right now but i've never been one to go with the flow so let's summarize the characters have been butchered through thorough incompetence far further than joss's depressing attempt at recovery none of them behave with a shred of intelligence throughout the story there is so little concern mechanically and ethically for the prospect of bringing superman back which is unacceptable and softens the significance of the event for this story but that was clearly already the case in terms of henry's screen time meanwhile joss had him say a bunch and he referenced pet cemetery doomsday and has wonder woman pushing back hard with batman pushing for the resurrection fueled by his guilt giving bruce and clark something to bond over when he returns compare that to aquaman raising a small unheard alarm right before it happens along with cyborg who panics on seeing an apocalyptic vision of the future of which he never addresses almost as though the visuals were bait what a shame lex's journey from psychotic to coherent was skipped for the audience not that he was particularly engaging to begin with [Music] the red capes are coming the red capes are coming shut the [ __ ] up it would seem victor is being praised and he's falling the [ __ ] apart outside of every complaint i have for his story in a logical sense relating to the man he is the ethical questions are daunting and only a man-child like zach could give the power to destroy the world to a teenager and forget to interrogate the implications silas is a [ __ ] crazy man and he's responsible for the generation and operation of this power we're all at your mercy vic everyone's lives are controlled by complex digital networks that will bend without effort to your will it's not only insane for him to comprehend that it's wrong for anyone to have that power it's what we're trying to prevent darkseid from doing you idiots the free will must be ripped from them given absolution in one glorious belief to serve him bend without effort to your will a free will must be ripped from them the film is not ready for this conversation the craziest part is that the one time he could use this newfound unethical incredible connection to save the world he doesn't batman has to instead it is the burden of this responsibility that will define you and who you choose to be that's true but we don't see it he helps one person and unfortunately he probably destroyed her life the implications and consequences of his actions are so much more interesting when he's also so naive about the world this is prime real estate for a fantastic story it could be so tragic while at the same time being so uplifting none of that is seen or explored in a meaningful way none of it is internalized instead we get [ __ ] like this [ __ ] the world because this film is as vast as a long boring brown ocean and as deep as a droplet you had four hours and you couldn't even make the accident multi-layered it's just a standard car crash apparently you rely on them did it strike anyone else's odd that when batman is recruiting he's willing to throw a [ __ ] batarang at someone in hopes of seeing what powers they have you're the batman so you're fast are you [ __ ] kidding me you have no idea how his powers work you don't know if you caught him off guard or if he has to charge something or if he needs special shoes or if he needs particular gear like you do you could have straight up [ __ ] killed him because you're a [ __ ] all of these sorts of things are very indicative of character like there's this weird bit where batman [ __ ] kicks a bug down a hole and it splats because you know for some reason it doesn't use its [ __ ] wings batman is watching this marveling at it giving us the full wiley coyote treatment while [ __ ] steppenwolf is right there in front of him attempting to kill his teammate why is everyone so blissfully moronic like flash though at least whedon actually had flash do something in this movie unlike snyder in the final battle flash is running in a circle until he hits the automatic win button built on nonsense whedon had him killing enemies and saving a family you're going in circles man that's awful not to mention this payoff being entirely at odds with the idea that the flash had to loop for [ __ ] ages to earn the charge for cyborg here he's completely reset and then he runs for what seems like half a single loop and apparently he's all good that's satisfying in the prior battle snyder had him giving a morale boost to civilians while they climbed stairs in whedon's the flash was saving people personally he didn't even have time to ignore his teammates while they're attacked in front of him and in whedon's the flash was scared this is early in his career and he's only ever pushed people around this helps nerf him because he should be dominating these battles it's not preferable but it helps explain why we get to have battles that include the whole team and he gets to the point of ripping the bugs apart personally by the final fight in snyder's he was given a whole extra scene that's entirely embarrassing [ __ ] and no nerf making things fall apart even more how the [ __ ] do people think snyder handled this better for [ __ ] hours and the characters are almost as thin if not thinner than a two-hour cut how the [ __ ] does that happen especially when the answer to me was as simple as having darkseid's parademons flood in through a boom tube for flash to deal with pushing him to his limits as he wipes through as many as hundreds of them as they try to reach cyborg this could surprise darkseid explaining that he did indeed send reinforcements but he didn't expect them to get this kind of pushback not a fix but a tweak that could alleviate two issues at once it's a weird disaster she legit gives the sweater a big ol sniff snyder's vision the bad guys aren't any better of course steppenwolf has an extremely thin background entirely overshadowed by papa darkseid who essentially just is what the mcu fans feared thanos would be in infinity war and kind of became an endgame you know i'm evil because i'm evil and all of existence shall be mine god these villains suck i told you steppenwolf would fail that's pretty rich coming from the guy among trillions including darkseid who forgot a [ __ ] planet you guys stood there and watched him battle six super powered superheroes including a [ __ ] kryptonian and you're surprised he lost even though it's worth mentioning that a planet lacks a kryptonian when trying to conquer it no protectors here no lanterns you lot are absolutely useless you could have taken earth you could have had everything you wanted but you blew it you had it all and you blew it actually wait a second are you suggesting that if a kryptonian were here you would have left because you clearly can't fight one in fact you probably should have portaled out of there when he arrived like your more intelligent predecessor on that note cyborg and silas weren't the only numpties in the laser sequence steppenwolf chose to awkwardly move through this doorway instead of blasting through right to the mother box which if he simply grabbed without a concern for silas this is another way he might have survived ironic hey the hallways in this place are kind of human-ready steppenwolf wasn't smashing through all the walls so did he do like a little goomby crab walk in order to get in here because [ __ ] hellbait that is something i would absolutely pay to see but still i'm confused superman is basically a kryptonian anomaly not only are kryptonians essentially extinct superman is the only one to reach this power level unless you count zod these guys are gonna be piss-easy for someone like steppenwolf when they aren't powered up which only really happened with clark wait a minute are you telling me that the only planet to have a juiced up kryptonian defender is the only planet with the old gods and the only planet with the anti-life equation and the only planet to have beaten dark side back irrelevant of the kryptonian the first time what a calamitous cosmic coincidence batman not to mention that you could have had that stupid equation for millennia but you forgot a [ __ ] planet how embarrassing and on that note master yoda how does a space-faring multiverse traveling culture get btf-owed by an army of medieval [ __ ] at least whedon had the chad steppenwolf pulled away from the fight after showing strong resistance to the gods because his battle was lost snyder had the virgin dark side suffer insane damage bleeding the [ __ ] out and crawling away to be carried onto his ship while he fainted from the pressure this is your main villain do i even need to sight marvel you worthless [ __ ] darkseid only survived because ares got distracted this loss was brought upon him because the enemy planet did the unthinkable they defended themselves thanos [ __ ] relished the competition [Music] let him have his fun like do you understand what's happening here the big bads big bad boss almost died to the guy that wonder woman killed ages ago even thanos's defeat was infinitely more dignified than darkseid's life he's pathetic steppenwolf looks like a five-year-old tried to draw suit of armor the bugs are worthless and the two subordinates are just bait for the future but what an epic [ __ ] battle am i right they did what no other world in the multiverse could do hit him with an axe not gonna lie this fight was easy as [ __ ] and i'm embarrassed for the people who expected more than what we saw in joss's version you guys got [ __ ] your very first appearance of the dc big bad and he got completely cucked also somehow steppenwolf combined with darkseid put up less of a fight than zod's [ __ ] henchman go home you absolute losers oh and then there's the plot chugging along with all the fortitude of a dead whale on a desert in space i don't know if you've grasped it yet but no scene in this wreck is running on cause and effect no scene could make sense to save its life it's all incredibly convenient and impossible to boot relax alfred i'll take it from you uh do i know you batman went out with the team patched them in but didn't introduce cyborg to alfred okay wonder woman didn't tell alfred about cyborg after their meeting you would need them all to be patched in for this [ __ ] job all of this stupid [ __ ] to tell a thin joke for [ __ ] sake though it's also pretty [ __ ] that cyborg would have missed this rendezvous and all of them would have died if not for his father being kidnapped that very night leading him to want to find them by looking into the right patch of sky on the right day at the right time why does silas know everything there is to know about cyborg's alien motherbox induced capabilities seems like fully understanding all of this information should be just a tad out of his reach nice and convenient for victor to learn about though why does cyborg need a charge to get into the mother boxes at all instead of simply connecting as a mother box created person why choose to write it that way is it because snyder had to get rid of the flash for the fight because he's too powerful only to then drop an entirely hollow payoff on him to distract the viewer from the fact that you prevented the flash from doing anything in this movie who knows aquaman is told the motherbox needs protecting and had he been told any later or maybe saved more random fishermen or taken one extra drink at the bar before heading over there meera would have straight up died pretty convenient for a different film's existence how about the fact that the bat carrier ship is given dramatic significance in terms of getting batman and the team to the enemy lair but in both versions is destroyed after the spire is sufficiently damaged in snyder's version it just turns back up to take them home what the [ __ ] happened there surely a cut where they simply look upon their victory and their return home is left ambiguous would be superior did anyone make that cut oh did you guys see the absolutely abominable formations of their armies both good and bad at least end game has a partial excuse of rushing a bunch of dusted people into battle this is three prepped and civilized factions previously having fought wars against a solid unit and they all flail across the battlefield i hope shad doesn't see this also why did they decide to keep the cubes on earth diana said they fought with warriors from the stars [ __ ] take these ridiculously overpowered horrifying monster boxes away so that darkseid can't reconnect them so easily for [ __ ] sake and is the equation really a bunch of symbols on the floor how in the holy [ __ ] does this translate to taking the will of the universe why the [ __ ] even ask inconsistent mother boxes everyone forgetting about them and i mean every single [ __ ] person who knew about this great war in darkseid's army that desad said everyone knows well absolute horseshit 3.5 billion kelvin the suits malfunction silas's decisions and sacrifice cyborgs major gaps in knowledge and action no missiles from cyborg the plot armor the luck a giant middle finger to aquaman the final plan is insane compared to what they could do and it almost fails in a million ways because our team is as [ __ ] as ever only to work because time travel is fine which brings us to the world building in which our wonderful plot and characters house themselves a world with consequences time travel mata reconstruction full military control resurrection worthless civilizations will let each other die even if it means their own people's destruction embarrassing villainous factions and infinite teleports man what more can they do to destroy the stakes you remember how steppenwolf is shown to be hit here he then gets frozen off screen for two minutes until this happens that kinda reminds me of a lot of the shitty editing throughout this movie look at the scene here with ryan choi he just blips forward because someone [ __ ] up when binding these two shots together there's so many examples of these little flourishes throughout so many times that people are off screen and therefore we don't concern ourselves with them not to mention how much [ __ ] was left in the cut zak where did you learn to edit so the characters have been [ __ ] the editing is [ __ ] the soundtrack is disjointed if not horrible the aspect ratio black and white [ __ ] bloat slow-mo and marketing were entirely constructed to trick people into thinking this was a meaningfully different and better movie the effects make me question things like why was zack trying to rip off linkin park when creating his motherbox world you know special effects have gotten better since then and that's not mentioning the dialogue that makes good normal friendly wholesome regular everyday people reconsider the first amendment but how do we tie this all off how about the theme of being stronger together united as one to defeat the hardships life throws at us only most of the team are pushed along by their respective civilizations doing nothing to help them in the first place take up your mother's mothers uniting because they kind of live on earth and don't want it destroyed when considering why each character joins the team in this film they essentially blur together so little is done for them as people that when we finally see them fight as a team in all of their glory you aren't thinking about how far we've come rather you wonder where we came from it's even worse on the world stage the amazonians don't help because they forgot that they figured out travel beyond their borders not that it's surprising these are the same psychopaths that drown their own people trying to cage someone who can teleport at least when someone is chasing you with that ability it's better you put objects in their way forcing them to decide on cutting through them or teleporting because it buys you precious seconds taking all of that time to drown your own people in an attempt to annoy this creature is deranged and you should be sectioned after serving a [ __ ] jail sentence if only someone cut that bit out the atlanteans don't want to help because they're busy knocking out rebels instead of dealing with the end of the world and what about man man doesn't know this is happening with our team being absolutely useless when being combined and put against superman you quickly realize that zack snyder's justice league is superman what the [ __ ] is any villain going to do against him unless he turns evil we have the theme of uniting together for our true strength smashed to pieces by showing the three significant races of earth failing to join together against the darkness through stupidity ignorance and a petty concern for power with one man we all look to to get us through the dark times perhaps that's more poignant in a depressing way regardless what a fantastic story for real though let's talk improvements uh the weird fish cult they they didn't eat bruce there was based alfred teaching an alleged actress how to brew tea properly he even had some cool lines i had a dollar for every possibly yeah make you even more insufferable he's probably the only thing i can enjoy in this dark abyss of a universe in the opening snyder had bruce attempting to assemble the team regardless of an explicit threat which is in line with bvs whedon screws this up and has bruce assembling them because a bug splattered his box graffiti all over a wall after having been shot with a net no [ __ ] clue what anyone was thinking with this gotham looked pretty neat though also i was curious when watching the original justice league because i figured they could just destroy them other boxes and nobody addressed it but then in snyder's version they did why don't we just destroy it fire doesn't destroy the boxes they're an unknown form of matter and they love heat they absorb it these improvements are worth 70 million dollars now that the mother boxes have been destroyed how will you retrieve your great prize wait destroyed i thought you were separating them back into three i want to plug into the unity one-on-one fuse with that weakness bound from the inside so we can break it back into three um the mother boxes have been destroyed okay i don't understand at all how about based alfred firing an alien laser gun at his new invention in his lab though that was pretty [ __ ] cyborg had some extra stuff that was good it's mod and extra [ __ ] though so i don't know how much it's worth it also cost two more hours uh based alfred got to speak to superman but that really didn't have anything in it i think there's more but i can't remember jeremy irons was pretty cool the fact is the core team is a crumbling mess of idiotic creepy ignorant psychopathic and ego driven monsters caught between a myriad of movies representing them in ways that absolutely wishes to piss all over what you understand about them the disrespect is through the roof fans of the comics must be furious they dangle what you want but snatch it away while revealing they don't give a [ __ ] in the process i'll bet you want to see the nightmare sequence don't you cause it'll be cool well be ready to spend it with this psychopath no no the other one please stop being oh man clark carries himself the exact same way superman does there's not actually a difference between them that's odd you're not even wearing the glasses there buddy that's it's okay it's fine our boy is gonna be a-okay he's soon to have a new adoptive father and darkseid is only marginally worse than his previous dad maybe batman is given no respect from [ __ ] anyone throughout despite being the absolute lad that keeps it all together how did you get the house back from the bank [Music] i bought the bank wait what just buy the house you [ __ ] weirdo the mother boxes had humble beginnings once upon a time to now be eldritch demons because zack is an edgy boy aquaman is unrecognizable superman viciously lasered off a portion of steppenwolf's head but i suppose that's nothing compared to his neutral state of murder everything the horn lasering thing is especially weird with wonder woman right there she never tries to string up steppenwolf with her lasso you could get information out of him you could easily subdue him i mean think of the way you can combo it up with your team it worked on [ __ ] doomsday it would very likely work on [ __ ] superman but she only gives it the one try you should really use that noggin of yours and try this a second time diana this prevents him from further punching your friends while reminding him that he shouldn't kill innocent people as part of a rampage because that's the level we're at with this superman sorry i'm getting distracted from telling you how they [ __ ] up superman by going into how they [ __ ] up wonder woman again so superman the psychotic snyder version almost executed the flash i need you to absorb that he was stopped by a brave [ __ ] soldier trying to distract him long enough to save the superhero only to be provided a death laser pretty sure this gunner is dead pretty sure batman is dead that laser didn't just hit his gauntlets what's far more important is that this absolute [ __ ] is never addressed by superman or the league superman uses his bloody laser against the justice league and innocent people more than he did against invading world ending aliens who wrote this he's very likely obliterated an innocent man for trying to save the flash and who knows how many people would be dead if not for lois happening by holy [ __ ] what if her final visit was yesterday martian manhunter almost convinced her to go back to work had his goal been achieved and she stopped visiting clark's statue instead of doing it one last time superman would have [ __ ] killed everyone what the [ __ ] is your motivation you absolute jimmy neutron reject like i figure i don't need to say it but wonder woman and superman were both assassinated in this movie whether you use comics or prior movies as a reference she punched a guy into a group of children and then compensated by hitting him back like a ping-pong ball into the wall to splatter his brains in front of them all similarly superman is [ __ ] broken which is doubly unfortunate because he's barely a character in this film to begin with yet another bait and switch for all of you out there cyborg failed to use the tools at his disposal that gave him the chance to become a superhero but fundamentally in both versions they failed to create a character that is congruent with his emotional state we are told he hates his life and his body but we aren't shown a meaningful reason why in both films there is no physical suffering while operating as cyborg there are no significant references to a longing for his squishy human body parts there was no overwhelming frustration or confusion relating to the sheer amount of information coursing through his head there was no lamentation on a career in the sporting world having been cut short there was no knowledge or representation that he can never interact in the normal world without being seen as an other there are simply surface level references to him believing he's a monster in fact he shows us how incredible his abilities are how much he is now capable of only to then complain about being alive whining that he is a monster when as an audience you can only guess where the issue lies and you simply wait for him to say that this is clearly better than being dead his story had major potential instead we raise a bored eyebrow and listen to some choice dialogue [ __ ] the world he almost allowed the world to burn to a crisp without doing what he could to stop it and he let his father die which i guess gives him a kinship with superman so there's that [Music] maybe at least homelander pretends to be a hero [ __ ] hell you know for those who still aren't convinced joss tried to give a throwaway line to explain it no this world needs you the world needs you [Music] the idea that superman's memory was coming back in pieces that this resurrection had a monkey's poor effect referencing pet cemetery to assist in translating to the audience that something is wrong with superman and he needs something to get him back on track a lot of people tend to confirm the corn scenes are an obvious example of an improvement on snyder's part despite the fact that superman says [ __ ] all in the new version mainly amounting to i have a second chance and i'm not going to waste it to then be summoned by the magic plot fairy what makes it worse is that he goes to collect his new suit while the world is [ __ ] ending because he has no reason to move any faster meanwhile in the weeden cut clark says he can't quite handle being in the house for too long because of the confinement of a box being too familiar he says dying and coming back was a weird experience and before he can finish lois lois finally has some character you would have been very disappointed in me i wasn't lois lane dedicated reporter i it's okay i'm back now and i'm gonna make things right he consoles her as she admits she's fallen away from her important work because he died soon after that moment they give us this you call mom of course clark recognizes the sound of the family truck in the distance or even the sound of his mother's heartbeat for all we know and thanks lois for calling her thank you now i have to send you away only to then remember that bruce is the one who pushed to have him back and lois reveals the peril the world is in world needs superman and the team needs clark we are reaffirmed in his connections to bruce lois and martha while showing lois to be a layered human being for once in this iteration not to mention clark gets to speak on his experiences and henry cavill actually gets to [ __ ] talk we then move on to the point of him having his memory back and he gets to be a superhero again because whedon was forced to do something with all of this footage so how do i help we buy him some time he can stop that box from destroying all life on earth well i knew you didn't bring me back because you like me he remembers their conflict and bruce's conviction that superman needed putting in the grave only to resurrect him he remembers their differences lois then grounds him and he didn't kill any [ __ ] civilians because now i have to send you away bruce he needs you well i guess i do want one it's terrible but it's so much better than a superman forgetting the context of his life and death only to decide to start simply executing people also he doesn't remember any of the league except a vague recollection of batman but he knows to stop wonder woman from clanking her braces together how why he didn't even see her use that move in the two minutes he knew she existed and that's on top of the fact that this movie makes it really hard to feel that these people are heroes oh let's not forget wonder woman chopping off steppenwolf's head while screaming by the way could have [ __ ] fooled me fans of martian manhunter get to enjoy him being the galaxy's greatest coward and then there's green lantern can you see this boy oh look he's gonna use his ring can you see his green laser oh another green laser a third green laser and he's dead because he can't fight with a [ __ ] that must have been wonderful for you green lantern fans out there knowing that ryan [ __ ] reynolds had the better run like you'd have to be the dullest creative mind in existence to take a hero that's power is limited by imagination alone and give him three attacks all of which are a [ __ ] laser but you know what the worst thing about that is do you know what version had the green lantern launcher hammer only to cut to his execution allowing us to wonder how he lost the fight instead of knowing he fumbled around like a narcoleptic rat the joss whedon cut drink that in i get that it's trendy to hate him right now and go ahead there's plenty of good reason but [ __ ] me joss did the better job here and that's saying a lot when it's not even his own film he's trying to fix on top of the fact that he didn't have three years worth of fans reacting to an earlier version to know what to lose from the final edit hindsight in this case was an incredible font of information for anyone creating a cut three years on and this was the best snyder could do but how about we do one more example before we close out here there is a scene where the justice league break into star labs in snyder's version the flash is incredibly suspicious while answering questions he's made to look idiotic and he's giving away that he's lying while handing his card over only to then throw in a joke on top in josh's version the card is being given in everything up to that point is cut back to snyder the screen errors out and the guard knows it's wrong he doesn't sound an alarm he simply gives a look cyborg then hacks in and the screen glitches until the card is accepted the guard mysteriously says okay and the flash says okay oh gee okay his flumpy attitude along with the recent break-ins and this being the most valuable place the dod have pushes me to think this is nonsense in joss's cut cyborg hacks it as the guard checks leaving him to be a little curious about the glitch but otherwise says it's okay the flash then says okay okay much like many examples in this film joss was given a shitty snider scene and he cut it up to improve it you'd be surprised how much he did that throughout moving on in snyder's cyborg clears out the entire population of star labs with a contamination threat only silas is the one person to believe it's false he decides to stay everyone else decides to leave and only narrowly misses these cosplaying chucklefucks as they move through the base how very cautious of you guys silas reports the situation as false only to then see them walking in none of the justice league have any concern about this man nor his desire to call them out they just assume he won't it's not like he spoke to cyborg before making this decision and lucky for them silas decides to cover for them wow lucky that nobody else stayed in lucky that he stayed in in a place that he would see them when doing the report lucky he decided he didn't need to know what they were doing instead he simply agrees with them and is it not weird that he doesn't suggest the laser treatment right now since the goal is to apply a tracker to it in case it's lost you'd think it would be disgust since he values that over them having the box so what did joss do well they got in through that gate we presume they managed to sneak around the base and cyborg hacked what was needed because joss trims the fat and reduces the contradictions while adding character and removing decisions that [ __ ] with characters but he ain't a miracle worker what little stakes there were in the resurrection scene don't even apply now because the snyder cut has flash reversing time anyway he can't really [ __ ] it up joss didn't give him that ability yet nor the repercussions that come with it because it destroys the stakes joss whedon's justice league is terrible zack snyder's is even [ __ ] worse joss didn't have as much silas or cyborg sure it also doesn't have all the problems that are brought along with their scenes the interesting thing about this video is a lot of the criticisms apply to joss whedon's justice league only it's not stuffed with inane garbage it's not filled with more than double the issues dwarfed in terms of the damage these issues deal and [ __ ] owl ads it's not two hours longer justice league has a scene where wonder woman explains her reticence toward leadership that she doesn't relish telling people what to put their lives on the line for bruce explains that his life is worth trading for superman reminding us of the sacrifice he makes being the only man among gods the flash is utilized with some degree of intelligence aquaman is given some insight and cyborg is a lighter version without the complete [ __ ] lunacy joss tried to erase many scenes that simply made this experience worse he tried to add new ones in to better connect the material he even removed all of the world building because it's catastrophic but he couldn't really do [ __ ] all with the turgid base that zach had filmed you want the true hot take i feel sorry for joss whedon that [ __ ] watching these cuts back and forth reveals a man trying to mop up another man's incessant [ __ ] with nothing but a teaspoon he made the better film for [ __ ] sure like at least joss was aware of his cringy film's story strong man as strong as alone you ever heard that no i've never heard that once in my life that's the opposite of what they're saying yeah he played into the schlock you say a word about this we'll meet every prana i know i honestly didn't hear anything after we're all gonna die zack's movie thinks it's simultaneously intelligent and mature [ __ ] the world and all i can do is laugh but what it's worse because there's more cringy jokes a jelly lip because it's color graded like a 90s pop song rather than a teenager's idea of murky nightmare piss god it's so washed out it looks like a cancer patient maybe you hate it because of the russian family but have you ever actually criticized the russian family scenes beyond saying oh it's out of place seems to me it's a welcome [ __ ] relief to have people being saved in a snyder dc movie and the coverage i've seen of this so far has been incredibly biased surface level and desperate to avoid controversy while ushering in what might be the pinnacle of the video essay youtube genre being no less bloated and bland than the movies they cover it's an epic war movie that in a way is at war with itself by nature god you're pretentious and you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer even though you're terrible and hey no hard feelings i've only had a handful of creator references so far i think i've earned one more for the road this was my most hated scene in the entire original movie in the original these scientists get kidnapped and right when our heroes show up to save them our main villain steppenwolf starts killing them but instead of one of the four [ __ ] superheroes jumping in to help them they hang around for a second and they joke around with each other before jumping in out of the four of them nobody tries to stop the murders no actually both of them do this watch the snyder cut again or skip to this scene [ __ ] hell from the moment they realize people are in trouble they take another 60 seconds to make a move while people are almost certainly seconds from dying it's only cyborg that reacts when his father is in steppenwolf's grip which is the same as the joss cut they're both awful and the frustrating thing is that people edit out anything remotely substantive from whedon's cut while ignoring any of the insane fuck-ups in snyder's during reviews instead they pick up on one line and they add an entire history of what they believe it means to the character to compensate we've known most of these people for about two minutes the charitability is [ __ ] which is what's so disappointing so many people are praising the [ __ ] out of this movie for its script and cohesion when it couldn't be further from earning that from what i've seen of the most celebrated scenes it genuinely comes across as though people want the dullest of edgy [ __ ] to excite fan theories and hype trains till the inevitable shitty sequels come out only this is the one time we know this abomination isn't and shouldn't be getting a sequel and yet people are lapping the diarrhea right up they are engorging on further prospects thanks to hearing batman say a gamer word make a mistake i will [ __ ] kill you [Music] then i do it slow the batman joker scene made me cringe out of existence how she suffered so i could feel my cells melting into each other each inflection and poorly thought out focus and quirk splattered onto my screen causing malignant optical and auditory herpes [ __ ] this it's cognitive sewage besides who's gonna give you a reach around but why why would you do that why would you do any of that now i may not have changed your mind but the discourse on this movie demanded this video i get the feeling a lot of creators didn't even enjoy this film they just tolerated it in a wider discussion on creative freedom the wave of praise and hype preventing them from seeing this for what it is or perhaps they wanted to avoid backlash i already know this video is going to be incredibly contentious i've heard people say unironically that we at least get something in reference to additional content for characters plot or history something is unfucking acceptable for an additional two [ __ ] hours where the hellier standards not to mention the sheer number of people trying to remember the criticisms for joss's cut while fumbling all over the references failing to realize that many of the criticisms they levy at whedon's cut applies to snyder's i think you were all told over and over again that it was an entirely different movie in order to sell it when in reality it is a fatter [ __ ] justice league that's the real harsh take to come away with but it's the truth the fans were played personally i hope i never watch this nightmare again also [ __ ] supporting creative vision when you're only going to apply it to people you want to see content from and [ __ ] it twice if you're going to use that to deflect criticism from this movie i mean how many directors get to [ __ ] out a horrendously written movie destroying established beloved characters with a multi-million dollar backing and an all-star cast three times enough [ __ ] snyder bowel movements please let someone else try to make something out of this ip it deserves better than this miserable embarrassing sludge because let's be fair you [ __ ] can't control yourselves you have to share your feelings immediately because if you felt them it must be a sign of good writing it couldn't be bias even if you give this a re-watch in a year and wonder what the [ __ ] you were thinking which is kind of relevant you've had four years to tear apart justice league you've had 10 days to think on the snyder cut on top of tying your [ __ ] personalities to it because [ __ ] me zack snyder's justice league is going to age like the league of nations i told you guys the snyder cut existed every [ __ ] cut exists if you spool through the cutting room floor and add in every last [ __ ] walking sequence jesus christ there are countless additional issues being discovered as time goes on and it's only been a week i'm not here to reaffirm a perspective you have or let's be honest a perspective you want i'm here to tell you what i saw what i heard and what i [ __ ] endured for four hours it's a slog of murky miserable morbid sludge and i don't believe i deserve this level of pain what people fail to realize is that you need justice league to be canon for this series of movies to be more structurally sound for less character assassination and more cohesion with the franchise it's insane to me that there is this level of contradiction within itself and in regard to the properties it's trying to pay respect to i mean they managed to assassinate martian manhunter and they only had him on screen for 30 [ __ ] seconds what the [ __ ] apparently i care more about this universe than the [ __ ] who write it dc eu fans have the hardest [ __ ] job imagine constantly pretending that your favorite movies have even a modicum of strong writing when stacked up against a franchise that is accidentally carrying its defective brother through having even just a few movies that aren't [ __ ] balls you're a laboratory experiment everything special about you came out of a bottle snyder is not a man that best functions when being able to go at his own pace he needs restriction and someone to chop the [ __ ] out of his movies to improve them even then you end up with garbage so how about we don't bother next time good luck to the future you zombie franchise i don't know if you're gonna care about this either it's not gonna change your life [Music] hello i'm the meme repository i tag teamed with mauler over the course of many sleepless nights to help get this video out because dear lord not even the longest of men could slay this movie properly within the space of a week and zack snyder needed to be stopped no matter the cost you can check out more of my stuff in the description below or you can check out the e-fat movies for the other dc eu films which i also edited with many additional notes and givens to tear these films the new hole they have desperately earned and long since escaped [ __ ] me man people actually had hope for this car why would you believe there was any hope chris [ __ ] tario co-wrote this it was aborted from the start what the [ __ ] was the point of any of this well moller i think and don't worry i know everyone watching was just beside themselves thinking but what does jay think i think we should support the snyder cut it sets a strong precedent in the future for studious i think you meant to type studios there not in your script it sets a strong precedent in the future for studios to provide creatives with the money freedom time and access they need to create great works of art so who knows maybe next time they'll do it for someone talented

Channel: MauLer

Views: 717,447

Rating: 4.5362444 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: cEfEJiRGCys

Length: 138min 8sec (8288 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 30 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/YourPrivateNightmare]

How hypocritical of MauLer. First he makes fun of the time travel in Endgame and now he clearly uses it himself to get a topical video out within a week.

I see through your shenanigans longman, you better not mess with any timelines.

[u/Prestigious_Angle_56]

HOW DID HE DO THIS DO FAST?

[u/darmodyjimguy]

I enjoy the “kinda forgot about “ references because I referenced that myself earlier today. I smart boy.

[u/InquisitorGoldeneye]

So I think I found where Zack got at least some of his inspiration for his 'artistic vision' - https://youtu.be/iXi6SSgld0Q

[u/MonderII]

My body is ready!

[u/Tyrdrum]

A longman alone is fast

Mauler with efap support: "No, That's the complete opposite of the saying."

[u/soKterraser4]

So @1:14:44 Mauler says "Strong men are strongest alone." isn't a saying and I get why he might think that, and even suggests Whedon's additional dialogue from Bruce is okay (because Whedon probably didn't recognize it either). buuut... That absolutely has been saying since at least the 18th century in William Tell by Friedrich Schiller, it's even the title of the 8th chapter of Mein Kampf. But anyway even if it wasn't that's irrelevant because why couldn't an author come up with his own quotes for his work?

[u/slenderman2525]

rubs hands time to sort by controversial

[u/lobut]

Loved the video. It's like everyone is wearing special goggles that make them think it's a good movie. There are SERIOUS problems and everyone is cherry picking and pretending it's all Whedon's fault. It's bewildering.