The Rise of Skywalker is an Embarrassment

this video contains spoilers so if you're someone who's invested enough in this trilogy to actually care about that and hasn't seen the movie yet and hasn't already had the movie spoiled for you by social media then I refuse to believe you exist but those of you who don't exist are free to leave now okay now that everyone's still here except people who got angry at the title came to a leaf and angry comment and then vanished into a void of self-righteousness let's get into it rise of Skywalker is the final film in the Star Wars sequel trilogy it was caused by JJ Abrams and it suffers from a lot of major and minor writing flaws I really like this clip of JJ because of the background the poster is split across like two prints and it's morphed Finn's face into this disturbing creature and this is the kind of thing that amuses me the film suffers from really poor pacing massively overused tropes and writing conventions that destroy basically any semblance of tension the film has and undoes the achievements made by the main characters of the originals so that it can give those same achievements to its new blinder characters what's this what is your dark fate doing here the film is bad for a lot of different reasons it has a lot of issues today I'm going to be going through some of those issues that break this film in vaguely chronological order and I'm gonna be bringing you along for the ride if you like this film that's fine but if you needed me to tell you that in order for you to not get angry with me that's not fine grow the [ __ ] up we open on a strange planet where kylo Ren is slaughtering some miscellaneous enemies the scene is weird kylo moonwalks his lightsaber into one of the enemies I don't know why he does that but he's there in search of a mysterious triangle which he finds and uses to navigate his way to the planet x-- ago where he finds Emperor Palpatine who for the duration of this video I'm going to be calling sheath chief tells kylo that he's been manipulating him he's been the voice inside his head and that he made Snoke what a huge revelation let's never mention it again kylo tells Shi the boy that he's gonna kill him - which chief says I've been dead before the dark side force is a pathway to many abilities some consider the natural this is a line from the prequels dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural and is as far as the film goes to explain how she survived this could probably just walk that off I've lost the audio for this clip and had to dub it in again afterwards help a team wasn't just dead he was obliterated and then just comes back after no foreshadowing no precedent for something like this happening and just a throwaway line after he comes back to explain how the [ __ ] he did that he was thrown down a several storey drop then exploded then exploded again even harder into the vacuum of space and then shows up thirty years later with roughly the explanation I escaped okay if you're willing to write that what aren't you willing to write this establishes a precedent that anything can happen at any time for no reason just because the writers think it would be neat at the end of this film he gets completely disintegrated by forced lightning but when you can survive this who gives a [ __ ] how dead it seems like you are because the precedent is no longer if we explicitly show the audience that the character is dead that means they're dead the precedent is now add the this does a great job detracting from the stakes every time a character is supposedly in danger in this movie because we now know that the writers are willing to just unwrite death so every time Rey for example is in danger the audience understands that no matter how dire the situation seems the writers might just pull something out of their ass which by the way is something they do a lot in this film and it undermines the sense of finality that this movie is clearly trying to have because now nothing stopping them from bringing shieff back in another 10 years after he was disintegrated with roughly the explanation I escaped that - because that's the precedent now the movie tries to make his death at the end of the film feel very climactic and final which is severely undermined by the fact that the first time his life is threatened in this movie he goes yeah I've been dead before that's how he reacts to a very serious death threat yeah for some reason were expected to take his death at the end seriously lick my bum this also of course undermines the ending of the original trilogy Vader's redemption are ended with him killing the Emperor now of course he's still tried to do that the ways in which he grew haven't been retconned but some of what he achieved because of that growth has been undone which is a pretty big insult to that arc of course my boy Shiva isn't the only thing that this movie just brings back in spite of a previous movies best efforts to establish that that thing was God the lightsaber that was Anakin's and then Luke's was destroyed in tlj this is a big deal because that weapon not only means a lots of the characters it also is the most iconic weapon in the whole of Star Wars the last Jedi also saw kylo Ren destroying his helmet but rise of Skywalker brings back both of these previously destroyed items thus further establishing the consequences now those that really matter now I'm not suggesting that it would have been impossible to fix these things and that's why this is a problem off of the helmet is pretty [ __ ] man you probably better just buying a new one at this point and actually now I mention it I'm pretty sure he destroyed that helmet in the fit of rage because he was embarrassed by it and then left it on the floor of an elevator in a ship that got blown up pretty soon after I guess after he destroys the helmet and then struts off we're supposed to believe he quickly ran back grabbed it and then put it in his pocket because there's pretty much no other way he has it there's a small problem by the way included it because I think it's funny not because I think it breaks the whole film because it doesn't it's still stupid though like it's basically impossible that he has it but it's not impossible that Rey fixes Luke's lightsaber just like it's not impossible that some force power exists that could have allowed Palpatine to survive the problem is that fanatically those were all clearly supposed to be the end of those things but rise of Skywalker just goes back on all of these things that were supposed to be final and I've already been over the impact that that kind of thing has on the stakes it's funny as well because sheave was the main villain of rise of Skywalker and he was pretty plot significant but in contrast to that neither Luke's lightsaber or kylos helmet were in any way important to the story of this film Rey could have just had a different lightsaber and kylo could have just not worn a helmet he spends most of the film not wearing a helmet it seems the only reason JJ brought these things back thus undermining the stakes of his own film was because well I want it so shut up but yeah Palpatine is just back and all of the justification JJ could be bothered to [ __ ] write for that was well the force long after this kylo then asks sheath what could you give me to which daddy chief says everything and then uses the force to lift a fleet of buried Star Destroyers out from under the ground they were buried underground for reasons all the Star Destroyers emerged from underground fully crewed fully manned I guess she's got these crews to aboard these ships then buried these ships with the crews still on them just so that Lake said he could do a dramatic reveal of them that no one even sees because they're both underground as he does it it seems JJ just wanted his cool visual of Star Destroyers rising up like the undead from underground and then just wrote it in because it looks cool without thinking of any reasons to justify it actually happening within the story you know those parts of writing that actually take talent and scale it's also fun to bear in mind that she was keeping these ships here later during the climax of the film when the rebels are only able to destroy these star destroyers because their shields don't work in atmosphere but she decided to initiate this conflict while his ships were still in atmosphere because well if he made smart decisions as the plot wouldn't be able to happen you know it's not like Shiva's a character who's known for meticulously plotting everything this again is the kind of writing that can detract from the stakes when a writer writes something in not because it's what would actually happen within the context of the story but because they need it to happen to achieve their resolution then the stakes take a hit because stakes are built on cause-and-effect and the audience's knowledge of what can and can't happen stakes build cause and effect if anything can happen at any time for no reason there are no stakes imagine she introduced us to this fleet and then said the whole feat is Greek to explode if the mothership takes too much damage this would take you right out of the movie because you'd immediately be able to tell oh he has no reason to do that other than to give our heroes a fighting chance now obviously what we've actually done is different from that but it's the same kind of thing it's an excuse to let our heroes win that the writers have just pulled straight out their ass and establishing a precedent for doing this further lowers the stakes by the way if you want to tell me that clearly the shipyard is underground and that's why it makes sense that all the ships were underground because that's where they were built then I would raise you the prospect of hey maybe let's not destroy our shipyard by ramming all our ships through the ceiling you know just an idea I'm just spitballing here maybe that's something we should try sheave introduces the fleet as the final order and tells kylo that all he has to do to earn it from him is to kill ray we then cut a fin Poe and Chewie who are in the middle of collecting some information from a mysterious spy in the first order I wonder who this spy might be they get the information by plugging a wire into r2d2 so that r2d2 can download it this takes ages despite the fact that we later learned that this information is like three sentences but worry not the file transfer doesn't take a long time because it would make sense for it to take a long time it takes a long time service and first order TIE fighters have time to catch our heroes leading to a chase scene between those Tie Fighters and the Millennium Falcon this action scene doesn't add anything to the story but we were at risk of having a scene without any explosions in it for at least five minutes again not a huge but it is another example of some poor writing being used to justify something that doesn't even need to be there in the first place during this action scene while Poe is piloting the Falcon Chui lets out an exasperated or to which poor response yeah well Ray's not here is she the implication being that Chui was complaining about Poe's piloting suggesting that Ray would do a better job it's very clearly established in the previous two films that Poe is an amazing pilot he's described as the greatest pilot in the resistance but now because Ray has to be good at everything she's better than Poe piloting as well okay I personally favor team dynamics where every member brings something of their own to the table this dynamic is more along the lines of we've got ray he's got all of the skills on the team and then there are these other two who are just around as she does stuff and sometimes are needed to do things when she's not there this is actually something that did a lot better in the force awakens while ray was the most powerful she was hand-to-hand combat and force power pose the pilot and Finn was the guy with insight knowledge they were all very important they all depended on each other at different points in the film for reasons that were better than hey well ray can't be in two places at once so she needs like code to go and do that for although she would be better at it if she was going but she can't so perhaps do speaking of her being good at everything we then cut to her levitating with ease like she gets distracted and is able to continue levitating and then when she decides to dispatch you like flies gracefully down as shown on screen she can basically fly given we then find out she's been spending all of her time training it does make sense that she would be more powerful in the force and she was before and she was already quite powerful in the force anyway she drops down from her levitation to talk to Princess Leia you may be aware that Carrie Fisher who plays Princess Leia is dead and has been since 2016 and if you weren't too worried that you are now because I just said that Carrie Fisher wasn't around to film any of the scenes for this film and as a result she's only been included using already existing footage that was removed from previous films deleted scenes and stuff like that while I commend the effort the execution is awful scenes with her in them will play out something like this Princess Leia will walk up to a character that she's there to talk to she'll say their name the the movie will cut to an angle from which you can't see her face and we'll get all the dialogue that's specific to the situation done by presumably an impressionist and then it'll cut back to her face and she'll say something less specific to the situation that clearly was recorded before and occasionally she'll say something specific to the situation that they're in but when this happens it's clear that the dialogue of the other characters has been crafted around the very few clips that they had of her it very rarely feels natural I appreciate the effort to pay respects to a character and an actress who I genuinely did care about but the result is awkward jarring and uncomfortable using old footage of Carrie Fisher is a nice idea but they clearly didn't have enough to work with so it seems that they're supposed to just be normal scenes will end up being a little more like this for the purposes of this example and want you to pretend that this giraffe is Princess Leia hello I'm Princess Leia and I'll be it doesn't matter I'll be any generic Star Wars character oh hello Princess Leia can I have a moment of your time oh do you have something to tell me yes what is it you'd like to tell me Shh what you want me to go to X go where I'll find Darth Sidious yes that's crazy thanks for telling me Leia may the force be with you may the force be with you too also I think droids a [ __ ] never underestimate a toy this is how the scenes play out yes obviously that example was exaggerated you don't need to tell me that in the comments I know but thank you though we then get Poe Finn and Chewie arriving back at the rebel base where Rey already is since this is the last film in a trilogy rey and the others act like they've known each other for a really long time you know the film acts like the relationship between these characters has been built up and developed over the two previous films which it would have been great if it had but may I remind you that Rey and Poe literally didn't meet until the end of the last Jedi they literally did not have an on-screen relationship going into this movie Finn and Rey are in a much better situation they had a lot of screen time together in the force awakens but unfortunately their relationship really hasn't been too since then because they spent most of the last Jedi apart from one another instead Ron Johnson discarded the setup per character relationships and focused on nuance that none of which have translated into this movie I know that it's not this film's fault that the first and second film in the trilogy focused on completely different character relationships to one another but it does suffer for it because the relationships it's trying to build off of much less developed than they could be as a result all this film can do is just imply that they've had loads of adventures together off screen that we didn't get to see as a substitute for the actual developments of their relationships that we could have got anyway this is the point in the story where Poe reads out the information they've just retrieved from the first order spy the information is that Palpatine is back he has a super powerful fleet called the final order don't need to worry about that though he'll probably just [ __ ] bury it and he's going to use this fleet to attack the galaxy in 16 hours in response to this we get roast ego going how do we believe this and one other guy going it can't be the Emperor is dead before finally another guy goes dark science cloning secrets only the Sith knew which first of all is [ __ ] wrong do you guys not remember the plot of Star Wars there were these things called the Clone Wars which were fought by clones which were made by cloners on Kamino who were not Seth secrets only the Sith knew what the [ __ ] are you talking about I suppose this character is supposed to be stupid I guess except clearly he isn't because this is the line that ends the discussion after this the resistance are totally happy to accept that sheath is just back no further questions despite the fact that this is based on Intel they got from inside the first order yes we should believe this right away because well someone in the first order said it was true and we should believe them because miscellaneous dark science and cloning the only the Sith knew about and also everyone else the spy that they get this from isn't someone that they sent into the first order it's a defector they've got a message that came straight from someone in the first order that said by the way we've got a giant fleet the most powerful Darkseid force user in recent history and they're on our side and it's all happening on it called X goal and you better hurry because you've only got 16 hours to stop it also this is not a trap I know or war and all we've had our differences but pinky promise this is not a trap in reaction to this the resistance go I'm not sure that's true until one ideot who doesn't know about one of the most major historical events in the last century goes cloning and then everyone's like oh yeah must be true this is a little thing we like to call not putting in the [ __ ] legwork to get your story to where you want it to be the heroes are presented with information that rationally they have no reason to believe at all it is an outlandish claim from a dubious source but because JJ needs the resistance to believe this for the plot to progress they just do well as it turns out Luke had been searching facts ago while he was still alive and Rey who's been studying his journals knows about this she knows that to get to X girl you need a mysterious triangle to help you navigate your way there I know they're called SIF wayfinders but I like calling the mysterious triangles apparently Luke had a lead as to where one of these mysterious triangles might be so they assemble a crew of Finn Poe Chewie c-3po and Rey but not rose Rose can't come she's busy I know you were all wondering but what about rose will she be coming no Rose will not be coming she's [ __ ] busy Threepio says goodbye to r2d2 Rey hugs Leia and cries for some reason I assume they care about each other but this must have happened off screen because these characters have like no on-screen relationship and after this touching farewell a heroes set off for the dissident desert of the four Sisson desert of the persistent pheasant the specific ferret the forbidden desert of personna it's time to check in with the villains what are they up to they know there's a spy cool there's some pretty [ __ ] die log in this bit this scene has the job of reintroducing the audience to the Knights of Ren when they appear a stormtrooper looks at them and says huh it's the Knights of Ren how should we communicate to the audience that these masked figures are the Knights of Ren I know when they appear on screen let's have a character go huh it's the Knights of Ren this is the kind of expositional dialogue we should only be in your script if it's labeled placeholder for when we write better dialogue anyway our heroes then arrive in the forbidden desert of persona where they immediately begin their search for the mysterious triangle here rey is greeted by a strange little pig creature that gives her a necklace and asks what her family name is she tells it she has no family name solo I wonder if this is a setup for something that will happen later the second after this happens as she gets handed her necklace she enters a force Skype call with kylo remember those from the last Jedi yeah there are a significant plot point in this movie to this conversation between the two is used to set up Carlos motivations instead of killing rate like she asked him to Kyla wants to turn her to the dark side and obviously he's going to manage because we already saw a dark gray in the trailer Kyllo ends the Skype call by ripping the necklace off Ray's neck he tracks the necklace to its planet of origin and uses that to figure out where ray and the crew are this is a very contrived way of giving kylo a way to find her given the first order half patrol stationed on this place anyway why not just have one of them see her and then report it no that would be too simple and would make too much sense I guess why would you have simple cause-and-effect drive the plot forward when instead you can have the plot being driven forward by a character being given a necklace at the exact time that they need to not be wearing a necklace this exact time they just so happened to be found by a stormtrooper who reports their location to kylo Ren it kind of seems like you didn't have to bother with the whole necklace thing if you know okay but at that exact time they just so happened to be found by someone who shoots the stormtrooper in the face with a crossbow none of the locals in the immediate area of which there are many react to this at all I guess this is a planet where people are just used to seeing random dudes get skewered at the face and die the dude you saved them from the stormtrooper turns out to be Lando but before I actually talk about what happens next this feels like an appropriate time as any to bring up one of the film's major issues that issue is pacing the way this film is paced has a hugely detrimental effect in the last five minutes that led up to the point where at now a lot of stuff happened our heroes landed on the forbidden desert of persona started their search ray is immediately given a necklace by a local that necklace is immediately snatched by kylo Ren we then see the villains figure out where the necklace comes from we see Rafe recount because she understands that Kyler will be able to track her she tell us the rest of the crew that they need to leave they get found by a storm trooper that storm trooper gets shot in the face and boom it's Lando the entire previous five minutes were taken up buying these events occuring there's no breathing room in between any of it the film is just rushing through from plot point to plot point without spending any time on anything else we don't get to spend much time establishing tone or atmosphere develop characters character relationships anything like that in these five minutes the closest we get to exploring a character as kylo Ren just stating what his motivations are even if this movie had an amazing story to tell which by the way it doesn't it would suffer massively under this kind of structure the movie doesn't spend any time drawing you into the characters or the story or the world it just machine-gun rapid fires of [ __ ] of plot points into your face without putting in the time to actually get you to care about them take the next scene for example where they talk to Lando this scenery introduces a character we haven't seen since the original trilogy but there's no character actually in it there isn't time we get oh wow it's Lando before immediately moving on to we're looking for ex ago then Lando lists all the information that he has that might help them find ex a goal and then the scene is over the first appearance of a beloved character in a Star Wars episode for more than 30 years and you could replace him with a [ __ ] side post that says the clues are this way and that's how this whole film is paced plot point to plot point with no time left over for the things that actually get you invested in those plot points Lando or any of the other characters barely getting any characterization in this scene wouldn't be a problem if there was enough of it to go around in the rest of the movie but because of its rapid-fire pacing there isn't Londo tells the heroes that when he was searching the trail went cold for him the ship of a Sith assassin called og which is parked out in the desert nearby it's not at all clear why Lando was here by the way apparently he was on the search for the wayfinder didn't find it and after the trail went cold just decided to stay in the place that the trail went cold we haven't seen this character for ages I'd love to actually understand like how his life is going what's like what's his motivation for being here you know like check in on him is he here to retire I mean based on what I know about Lando I always assumed he'd retire somewhere with a lot more attractive women but you know maybe these worries into but because this film needs to move at a breakneck pace we don't get time for any of that stuff a hero steal some speeders and go to find oh geez ship and they're pursued by stormtroopers on the way man a [ __ ] wish Rose was here the chase ends with our hero speeders being shot and crashing a whole crew get flung out of their speeders and they all land in a small patch of quicksand that's unlucky they're all getting sucked in and there's no hope of escape if only one of the people here could levitate and lift things with her mind [ __ ] useful shape no one like that is around because they all sink into the quicksand and die no just kidding they all sink into the quicksand but they don't die because below the quicksand is a cave and the sunk through the quicksand and landed in the cave no I don't know about you but this moment when I saw it I was thinking huh so this substance is soft enough and malleable enough and has a poor enough structural integrity that when someone steps on it or falls in it they fall straight through it but at the same time this substance apparently has the structural integrity to form the roof of a cave without caving in and it's able to hold that shape for years without collapsing now this may seem like it doesn't make sense but if you think that you're missing one one very specific thing and that is that the dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural this is some another life level [ __ ] I mean a lot of the movie is but this is the way by which they progress the plot not logical cause-and-effect stakes built for cause and effect instead let's have the crew randomly fall into some quicksand and inside that quicksand is a [ __ ] cave sleep having a cave running through the water of the ocean just like a passage of air going through the water I just think that would have enough structural integrity to hold look at all these unnatural things happening cuz of the dark side as they're sinking into the quicksand and Finn believes he's dying not long for this world he says ray ray I never told you and then gets cut off before he can finish telling her the thing that he wants to tell her I may as well tell you now this never gets resolved I understand that a lot of the stuff that was supposed to happen in the smoothie ended up on the cutting room floor I've read the leaks for this movie which are basically just the film's entire plot but with a load of extra stuff at it in assumedly these are all things that actually got shot but didn't make it into the final cut because excluding stuff that just wasn't included all of the leaks were pretty much on the money you could read this movie's entire plot for ages before it came out there are leaks and there are you know reports and sometimes they're entirely wrong and other times they're they're close to what it is it's amazing to me how much has been kept secret yeah that that's not true it strikes me as likely that whatever Finn had to tell ray is a plot point that got resolved in the original cut because I genuinely don't understand any other reason this would be in here let's add a set up and have it go [ __ ] nowhere at all in the final conclusive tying up all the loose ends movie they draw loads of attention to it as well like Ray mentions it again like Finn what was it you wanted to tell me poe matches that again like Finn what was it you wanted to tell ray and then we never learned what Finn wanted to tell ray it's baffling anyway in the cave they discover oh geez dead body and conclude that he must have fallen into the quicksand to posses the skeleton and ghost bones I don't like bones as if he doesn't kill people for a living ah no cheese dead body they find his weapon a dagger and on the dagger is an inscription which c-3po says is the location of the mysterious triangle they need to find this is how we're driving the plot forward now apparently when chief sends out assassins he sends them out with a weapon that has instructions of how to find him on it because why wouldn't you do that hey if you're gonna kill people please do it with a map that leads directly to my secret hiding place just to be clear the rest of the plot can only happen because purely by coincidence our heroes fell into a cave with a magic squelchy ceiling which by sheer coincidence contains the dead body of the guy they're looking for who for no reason has the coordinates of a map to his boss written on his knife like [ __ ] do you think gets them custom-made like ah what my assassins killing people without a weapon that leads them directly to me this is like another life anyway c-3po can read the dagger but is apparently against his programming to actually translate the thing according to him he's mechanically incapable of speaking translations from Seth hey let's program this ability into him but let's not let a music wouldn't just not giving him the ability in the first place be easier maybe if you don't want someone to do something you shouldn't explicitly expend the effort to make them capable of doing it I couldn't it pick this single plot point for ours because it doesn't work on any level but I'm just gonna leave it at that one and let you know that I'm being restrained here anyway they rudely get interrupted by a giant sand worm which raid notices is injured ray uses the force to heal the sand worm establishing force healing as a new force power the worm somehow understands what just happened to it ah yes the strange desert girl healed me with magic I will not attack her and as it slithers away it knocks down the wall of the cave creating an exit for our team mess lucky man oh gee starve to death in here because there was no way out but like a minute after our heroes fall down there a worm knocks a hole in the wall and they can get out fine the whole scenario was already beyond contrived I'm just I've checked out at this point no one contrivance does not ruin a film but when a film is entirely constructed from contrivances and holes that's just a [ __ ] film one might even say an embarrassment wow that's the name of the video anyway now that they're out of the cave they're able to go to ot ship which after they do nothing but flip a couple of switches is completely ready for takeoff apparently it had just been parked here near a settlement unlocked and fully functional for so long that the guy who left it there is turned into a skeleton and no one's done anything with it Wow how lucky this plot is entirely composed of ridiculous contrivances before our heroes can leave the planet raid wanders into the desert for no reason so fin sends out Chuy to go and get her he gets instantly captured by storm troopers also he had the dagger with him so we've lost the dagger ray on the other hand stands in the middle of the desert there's kylo fast approaches her with his TIE fighter as she prepares kylo flies straight towards her as if to splatter her a few questions if he's trying to kill her why not use his weapons he is in a TIE fighter and she has nothing but a melee weapon so why not just shoot her from a safe distance instead of doing this however as he clearly stated earlier he doesn't want a killer I don't want to have to kill you I'm gonna find you I'm gonna turn you to the dark side Hey okay if you don't want to kill her I'll give you a little pro tip for a meter you don't [ __ ] ram into her with your TIE fighter you [ __ ] [ __ ] oh that kills people why does kylo do this is it because it looks cool I think it's because it looks cool man I love Star Wars but I just wish instead of acting according to their motivations characters did completely random [ __ ] for no reason anyway Rey who apparently knew exactly what he was going to do because she's read the script two jumps over the TIE fighters it cuts through it with her lightsaber and causes it to crash incredibly violently the piece of the wreckage that kylo is in rolls bounces and tumbles with incredible force smashing into things until one impact is just too strong for it and explodes in a massive fireball like it fully blows up but boom I cannot begin to emphasize just how violent this crashes so kylo is dead right no he's fine it's not even a scratch on him or his clothes he looks immaculate what the [ __ ] why did any of these things happen there's more visible damage on his getup from when he smashed his helmet into the wall than from when he was in one of the most violent crashes and Star Wars and then blew up there may not be an explicit explanation for how kylo survives but I'm pretty sure I know how he did it and that is that the dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities that some would consider to be unnatural the ego mystery solved no more writing required seriously though if you're gonna show characters surviving massive explosions why should I ever take it seriously when you're presenting a character is in danger stakes are built on cause and effect and cause and effect is broken anyway Chewie has been loaded into a trance book craft a craft which has taken off and is now flying away rey uses the force to pull the craft back down which is apparently something she can do and then kylo starts using the force to try and push the ship away again it's an intense contest and Ray gets too into it and accidentally lets out a burst of Force Lightning which blows up the ship that Chewie was trapped in Rey is shocked Oh No Chewie oh so now explosions kill people do way I I don't know why she's making a fuss about I'm sure he'll be fine or what he is but damn it [ __ ] I was joking Oh apparently he survived because he wasn't actually on that transport that was a different identical transport because obviously if he was on the exploding one he would have died wouldn't he I mean the film certainly treats it like that's obvious because now everyone is grieving Chewie doesn't take long before the film shows us that Chewie is still alive this is probably the best way to do it if the film waited a really long time before revealed to us that Chewie is still alive it would have felt really cheap but as is it only feels moderately cheap although of course the best way to do it would be to not have a fake-out death because fake-out deaths lower the stakes if you show us something that would have a serious consequence and then go no just kidding it didn't really happen it's gonna make it harder for the audience to take serious events seriously in the future even if they aren't fake outz anyway now that our heroes have lost the dagger the only version that they have of the inscription is in c-3po memory but because of [ __ ] he can't actually tell anyone what it says so they decide to go to kojima to find a black-market droid Smith who can hack c-3po into telling them the droid Smith by the way is called Babu Frick Babu Frick may be expecting me to rip into this no I [ __ ] love it I think Babu is hilarious I love him he's like a wee [ __ ] drunk man and his name is Babu Frick I love it apparently to get this information from Threepio Babu has to completely wiped his memory while this isn't exactly the same as killing him it is a very serious consequence it's like a soft death and we get a sort of farewell scene for Threepio are you doing they're taking one last look sir my friend Wow an event in this movie finally had a consequence everything having a consequence is vital for the stakes so this is important and it's a step in the right direction sure hope it's not a fake hair wouldn't want them to pull another Palpatine / Chewbacca here long story short know it as c-3po ends up getting his memory back later from a backup that had been saved on r2d2 to the film's credit it does actually set this up beforehand but it's set up as something that's definitely not going to work so either you buy into the whole oh it's not gonna work thing and then it feels really cheap when it actually does work oh you understand from the off that now this consequence isn't gonna matter either even though the movie is trying to make it seem like it is either way it feels like a cheap fake out the movie presents this to us as the death of a character do not go through with it at this point is just oh okay you're doing that again Wow anyway ray realizes she recognizes oh she [ __ ] because it's the ship that her parents left in when they abandoned her c-3po now with his memory wiped he probably didn't recognize because of the red eyes reveals that the mysterious triangle is on a moon in the end or system but before they can set off to go get it kylo Ren arrives to Cugini in his Star Destroyer and Rey senses that Chewie is still alive on that ship so our heroes immediately decides to drop everything which may I remind you is a mission to save the galaxy to go and save Chewie Juan dude I'm sure the Chewie who spent his life fighting against things like this will be thrilled to discover that our heroes risks the entire galaxy falling into prison just to save him but of course just like every decision the decision that I would make isn't necessarily the same decision our characters would make but unfortunately the film doesn't even treat this like a decision there's no discussion about it no pondering the heroes just immediately decide to put the mission on hold without even considering an alternative our team at the moment includes Rey who must feel immensely guilty because she thought she'd killed Chewie and now must be feeling incredibly relieved there's still a chance for him and Finn one of the first orders former child soldiers who fully understands that between the three of them they have 16 hours and one shot to stop the entire galaxy from falling to those people who kidnapped him and stole his life away this is the kind of moment where character and character motivation should be really important this could be the catalyst that drives conflict between our heroes or something that brings them closer together when they unanimously reach the same decision instead this movie can't be bothered to write characters and just ask them all instantly agree on the same thing so ray Finn and Poe sneak on to kylo stardestroyer the way they get on the captain's medallion is also contrived and doesn't really make much sense but if we if we if we thoroughly deconstruct every contrivance then we're going to be here all day and I know some of you might want there but I'm going for like a happy middle ground here but just in brief the fact that right before they want to get onto an enemy Star Destroyer someone goes hey here's the thing that can get you onto any enemy Star Destroyer no questions asked is on the Star Destroyer a gets a magic feeling that they're gonna need the dagger so she goes to go find it and the meantime Finn and Poe managed to get Chewie out of his cell but then the three of them get recaptured after they're overwhelmed by stormtroopers Rey easily finds the dagger in Carlos quarters but is then interrupted when she enters the four Skype call with him he tells her that he pushed her in the desert because he needed her to see if he was just trying to push her than it makes sense that he would force push the transport as she was forced pulling it this is what led to the outburst of Force Lightning after all it however doesn't change anything about him ramming into her with his TIE fighter either he hits her and she dies or she manages to take out his TIE fighter like she did and he dies miraculously survives the explosion inexplicably anyway kylo tells her that he knows who her parents were to which Rey freaks out they have a lightsaber fight and then because of force Skype calls stuff Kayla was able to figure out where ray is and goes to go find her the Skype call is here to bait the reveal that comes in like a few minutes of whoo parents are he keep saying stuff like they sold you to protect you and I wonder who it will be it's at this point we get the reveal that under Palpatine's instruction OG killed Rey's parents using a map to a secret hiding place of course kylo then ends the conversation by saying do you know why the Emperor's always wanted you dead to which ray says no and kylo says I'll come tell you it's at this point Finn Poe and Chewie had taken away to be executed with reiha lined up in a firing squad is ready to kill them the dialog in the chain what the hell Scott I just wanted to find out how absurd it is that in this execution scene they're making a joke which totally deflates the tension remember that fun scene in the new hope were the characters who are in actual danger we're making jokes in the crash compactor minutes before it crushed their bodies they didn't by the way this scene is totally believable and the stakes are ramped even higher oh my god yeah what weekend warrior said the scene is played for laughs but what what you doing in my video by the way I felt a disturbance into force Jai that's why I'm here it just if a villain was revived out of desperation to save some sort of franchise that really got shot in the foot because of some [ __ ] doodoo head oh all right then but as we can resend the our heroes are about to be shot and die scene is played for laughs well I assume if they got shot they would die but who knows with this movie they do a whole bit about us so uh so Finn what was that thing you wanted to tell ray huh you know remember that plotline that doesn't go anywhere the characters don't take the knowledge that they're about to be shot in the head in any way seriously it's almost as if they've read the script and have meta knowledge of what happens next as if this movie's total refusal to go through with any kind of consequence for anything or to build the audience's investment in the actual characters old world didn't already lower the tension enough you have no idea they were about to be saved shouldn't they be panicking for their lives no if they don't really care if they live or die Oh Kevin I mean if the characters don't even care if they live or die why should I care if they live or die general Hux who was overseeing the execution says I want to do this myself he takes a blaster from a stormtrooper but then instead of shooting Po Finn and Chewie he shoots the stormtroopers who were lined up to execute them I'm the spy yeah he's the spy somehow bill manages to be both predictable and the last thing that should have actually happened Huck's has been presented as one of the most powerful people in the first order he's overseen the destruction of several planets in its name well it turns out there's motivation for sabotaging this organization is that he doesn't like Kyle Oh surely if he just waited for his moment and killed Kyle oh he could take all that power for himself how that he's undoubtedly spent a very long career in pursuit of this is something we know he's prepared to do because he went to go do it in the last Jedi but got disturbed before he could finish I guess after just one failed attempt that he didn't get caught in he's decided [ __ ] it I'll destroy my whole organization just to get at Kyle oh by defecting all trying to kill Kyle Oh either way he's putting himself at huge risk the only difference is that by defecting is if his plan succeeds he loses all his power motivations in this film are a garbled mess anyway Kyle arrives to the stardestroyer in his tie fighter hey remember when my ship got blown up 20 minutes ago not only did Kyle Oh survive the ship blowing up the ship also survived the ship blowing up okay yeah sure obviously the cannon answer for this would be there's more than one of those ships except as it turns out we know this is the same one because ray later finds the mysterious triangle in the glove compartment which is still there from when Kyle was using it to navigate to execute at the beginning of the film the movie seemingly destroys something on the screen forgets it did that and then has it show up again a few minutes later it's at this point in the film that it's finally revealed to the audience that ray is power bomb ie walks it's Anna also known as that Star Wars go and I'm gonna interrupt Jake just for a second because there are some things that I want to touch on about Palpatine you want me to believe that she is his biological granddaughter which means her father is his biological son alright but for whatever reason his biological son just got killed by some random alien without even facing Palpatine alright so you either want me to believe that Palpatine didn't know he had a son you want me to believe that either his his son he didn't know about and so he didn't know about Rey and so he just had his son killed by some random character like one of his goons didn't even bring him before him you know he had frickin Luke brought before him he wouldn't have his own biological son bought before and he would just have them killed then that's one options that he didn't know the other one is that ji knew he had his son and that she raised his son for whatever reason his son looks like his son wasn't trained in the force and he was just able to not put up a fight whatsoever but you want me to believe that Palpatine didn't have some kind of a relationship with his son we know that Palpatine is capable of forming bonds with people having that trust between people could we watch it happen with Anakin he formed that bond and that trust with Anakin which is why inevitably when Anakin was able to be seduced over to the dark side it was only because he had that trust for Palpatine so we know that Palpatine is capable of manipulating people like that he's a genius he was able to manipulate everyone on Naboo he was able to manipulate the entire Jedi Order and the entire Galactic Republic and even the separatists we know he'd be capable of manipulating his own child into doing his bidding it doesn't make much sense does it when you actually think about it when you actually put two plus two together it doesn't make sense but anyways I've taken enough of the day's time the magical spiders that can see the future are telling me that I've you know talking way too much I'm starting to ramble so anyways back to you Jeff okay yeah those were all quite solid criticisms but how did you get about video is she gone I think I think she's gone oh well but I guess I'll carry on I don't know why this keeps happening it was supposed to just be me in this video but other creators keep showing up to talk about razor Skywalker I don't know but it's at this point in the film that we get to the reveal that Ray is Palpatine's granddaughter this reveal does some good it retroactive Lee explains why in the first two films Rey was so powerful in the force with very little training it's the same reason Luke and Anakin what this is good for the continuity of the series however it's terrible for the coherence and the unity of this trilogy The Force awakens introduces Rey is strong in the force and sets up the question of what her lineage might be while also suggesting that those two things could be linked after all it's always satisfying when several complex mysteries come together with one simple answer then the last Jedi comes in and rejects that idea with its message that powerful people can come from anywhere or to put it another way sometimes people are really power without putting any work in for no reason just like the death of Shiva just like the destruction of lucan Anakin's lightsaber just like the destruction of kylo ren's helmet everything seemed like fanatically this was supposed to be final and then this movie feels like a last-minute addition that's just been tacked on going those conclusive events you had in your films were pretty cool and all but what if bear with me on this know how well that reveal was executed in the last year now it doesn't even matter we've now got three episodes of a trilogy that are firmly giving each other the middle finger you can feel the director's playing tug of war for control over the franchise I feel like I've been served a sandwich filled with mustard ice cream and live wasps say what you want about the prequels but there's a coherent synergy between the three of them the three stories together tell one story that was very clearly planned out the opposite applies to these films all three of them work better without the other two speaking of how clear it was this was never planned out let's talk about some of the things kylo says to Rey about this information more specifically how the Wrights has tried to retroactively Li justify what he said to her in the previous film when it was revealed that Rey's parents were nobodies kylo says to Rey I never lied to you your parents were no one they chose to be to keep you safe he later goes on to say they sold you to protect you which is true they sold her to hide her from Palpatine's assassins and their map knives although it does make you wonder was there no better place to hide heaven selling her really okay so instead of going with the idea that kylo was just wrong about Rey's parents before because he didn't know the truth they've decided to present this to us as if kylo was never lying he just wasn't telling the whole truth their laughably trying to give this the appearance that it was planned first of all I know that someone is gonna compare this whole thing to this you told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father what I told you true from certain point of view and to that I'd say let's talk about the difference between something being true in technicality and something being true in spirit if I buy the world's largest bottle of beer and drink the whole thing then someone asks me how much I've had to drink if I were to answer I've just had one beer that would be true in technicality but not true in spirit if instead I were to say oh I've had 10 beers this would be true in spirit but not in technicality which brings me to the difference between these two moments what ob1 originally said to Luke wasn't true in technicality but it was true in spirit it was emotionally true for obi-wan what kylo said to Rey wasn't true in spirit or in technicality this is what kylo told ray firstly jump traitors so do you want for drinking money the dead in a pauper's grave and the jerk of desert you come from nothing you know wasn't true they weren't drunks who sold their daughter for drinking money they were being hunted and sold their daughter to protect her this movie acts like all he said in the last movie was your parents were no one but he said a lot more than that and clearly implied a lot more than that and that's not even mentioning the let's call it awkward truth that Kyla wasn't even the first person to say Rey's parents were nobodies that was raised you want to know the truth about your parents I have you always know you know the truth nobody that bit I mean technically isn't a lie if you spin it a certain way that it clearly wasn't meant in but Kyla wasn't even the first one to say that so he's now saying hey remember that thing that you said I wasn't lying when you said that can what Kyla made I honestly I believe you what kylo said to Ray and Ray said to herself originally clearly had an entirely different meaning from what Kyla was saying to Ray now of all of it there's only one thing they said that if you ignore the subtext and the pragmatics you can literally interpret to mean the thing that kylo said he was always saying and that's something that kylo didn't even say first this is such a poorly executed wreck on from the sea of [ __ ] kylo brings up one thing and goes I mean technically it's true and it's not even something he said originally Ray said it first is it really so hard just to write the words I was wrong before jump traders sold you out for drinking money amazing every word of what you just said was wrong after ray learns this truth he's rescued from Kyle o star destroyed by the others she jumps out of the hangar into the Falcon and into safety the movie has no use for Huck's anymore so he gets shot by another general general pride in the Falcon our hero set off to find the mysterious triangle while they're on the way the film attempts some character writing ray says he killed my parents I'm gonna find palpatine and destroy him sorry did I say Palpatine that I'm achieved if I said Palpatine at any point through this video I'm very sorry I mean she in response Finn says Rey that's not like you and Rey says you don't know me I'm starting to think no one knows me oh edge of my seat hey guys I'm really invested in these characters I'd like to point out that this scene is more character-driven than most of them are this is a point where the film takes a break from plot plot plot plot plot but to spend some time building character and all it manages is one character just stating the effect that this life-changing revelation has had on their motivations and another character going wow this seems to have had an effect on you there's nothing to deconstruct it because this is just nothing there is next to no character in the story rape may as well have said I feel angrier than it is normal for me to feel for Finn to reply Wow ray that's angrier than you normally feel our crew arrived at the wreckage of the Death Star where the mysterious triangle is I'm only gonna spend like a second mentioning that as shown in the original second Death Star explosion there is no way there are any bits this big left maybe kylo glued this back together as well oh no no way the dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural I know we've got the earth I nearly forgot the running gag there surprise if something like this happened only once and a script then I'd be totally happy to call it a nitpick but this is emblematic of a trend here this kind of thing keeps happening in this movie anything you've seen happen in previous movies or even at earlier points in this film doesn't matter nothing matters on their honor stakes our crew meets a new character Jonah who says that she can help them get over the water to the wreckage of the Death Star where the wayfinder is I'm sorry mysterious triangle however because the seas are rough Jonah says she can't take them until first light tomorrow after a short while of accepting that going by sea would be too risky at the moment they realize that Ray has taken a space boat despite the rough waters without consulting any of them there she finds the mysterious triangle in Chiefs old throne room before she's confronted by a vision of a dark side version of herself that lasts just long enough to put in a trailer if you thought it was just the movie during fake-outs surprise it's the promotional material as well yes everyone knew it was gonna be a fake out but just because we're wise to their tricks doesn't mean it's not a fake out and I know this isn't the film itself but it is bad form to put something like this in a trailer especially at the end of a trailer like some big stinger like be honest we all know that they didn't put that in there thinking our people will know it's not real right the trailer clearly treats it like a big deal and it's inconsequential enough that if it didn't appear at the trailer I probably wouldn't have mentioned it it's one of a few attempts to foreshadow a dark ray we've already talked about how kylo wants to turn ray to the dark side this film treats that like a very serious possibility even though we all know it's not gonna happen in fact Ray's fear that she's going to end up turning to the dark side is probably the most fleshed out character motivation in this whole film that's not to say it's anything but shallow though essentially the motivation is she's scared she'll turn to the dark side and she shows some anger so you know maybe she could and that's about as deep as it goes but one person who really wants it to happen is kylo who shows up and destroys the mysterious triangle so we can be confident it won't appear on screen again for at least five minutes but he wants ready to turn to the dark side so she can team up with them and they can go kill sheave together and they can rule on the set throned he destroyed the mysterious triangle to say the only way you're getting 2x a goal is with me this isn't something Reyes super chuffed about so she attacks kylo and they have a lightsaber fight in the middle of this fight we got an insert of Maz Kanata saying leia knows what must be done it will take all the strength she has left what her not having much strength left in the first place isn't something that the movie has established but it just lays it on us here then after ray and kylo Jule some more Leia appears to kylo in a vision she says Ben and then dies apparently this was a vision it was important for Cuyler to have hey I know my son has fallen to the dark side not but I think I know something that might help redeem him and bring back to a lighter path what if I appear to him in his mind say his name and then die I'm not I think it's just a message he would benefit from seeing Kyla was taken aback for a moment in grief at the death of his mother he even drops his weapon ray takes advantage of this by stabbing him through the chest but then she seemingly gets a vision of Leia dying too and realizes what's just happened so hey remember force heel yeah this is why we set that up Reed fully heals kylo from this mortal wound and he's fine she's also fine by the way despite it being previously established that it drained her lifeforce to heal people this is the fifth time in the film you love God wait so that characters dead no okay he's not okay ray runs to kylos TIE fighter gets in it steals it and flies away kylo who's now been left alone in the wreckage of the Death Star has a vision of his other dead parent and of course it's very clearly established that only light side force users can reappear as ghosts in this universe so how is it that hard is able to appear and talk to kylo he didn't use the force well kylo says to him you're just a memory and that's it that's how this non force user is able to appear from beyond the grave to a living character it's not clear whether the scene is literally supposed to happen and kylo is having some kind of vision if kylo is thinking what would my father say to me now and then picturing this conversation in his head if the scene is entirely metaphorical it's left unclear and entirely ambiguous many films use ambiguity to great effect however just like how the mechanics of Shiva's resurrection aren't explained he's just like the force moments like this seem to be using ambiguity more like a shield to avoid actually explaining how things happen when they shouldn't be able to happen based on what the viewer already knows the film's will explicitly show us something that we know can't happen then will vaguely gesture in the direction of an explanation without going into any specifics [Music] the speech arm gives Takei Lowe is genuinely quite nice I think it's one of the better written parts of the film however it leads directly to Kai low switching sides so he symbolically casts his red lightsaber into the sea that's cool and all but like that is a weapon so when you inevitably put yourself in a combat situation later on in this film I will think back to this moment of you chucking your weapon in the sea because it's red this film moves at a breakneck pace and that arc was no exception ten minutes prior to this happening kylo still had his old turn rate to the dark side motivation without a hint of anything that would change his motivations to the light remember how firmly in the dark he was by the end of the last movie I want you to join me we can rule together bring a new order to the galaxy now granted he has just been through some heavily emotional stuff and yeah him seeing his mother die then being stabbed by a girl he kinda likes and then healed by that same girl it's the kind of thing that would have an effect on a person but a good Redemption arc doesn't just have to give someone something new to believe it also has to deconstruct the reasons they used to believe something else for example for Vader watching sheave torture and tried to kill his son gives him an explicit reason to turn away from his old beliefs without just presenting him new ones kylo on the other hand has been talking about ruling the galaxy on the Sith throne for basically this whole movie now then his mum dies and his dad gives him a pep talk and this completely changes his motivations before he's even had time to reflect on it she who's now talking directly to general pride orders a demonstration of power we then see one of the ships from the final order arrived out of hyperspace at kijima where it fires a red beam on the planet which blows up that's right all of these Star Destroyers have Death Star level tech that could destroy an entire planet instead of thinking of some kind of original means by which to make the villains threatening in the story GG has repeated the exact same threat for the fourth time now except this time it's even bigger because well now there's a thousand death stars this seems like an attempt to make mistakes and therefore the attention and the investment higher but just making the numbers higher doesn't cut it anyone could just write the words a lot is at stake the actual part that matters and the part this film is failing at is building the audience's attachment things that are at stake we then see where Ray's flown off to in kylos Thai silencer he said I know what it's actually called that they're also state fighters to me turns out she's gone and secluded herself in the same place linked it in tlj where she meets luke's force ghost and tells him that she secluded herself because she fears she will turn to the dark side again this fear isn't particularly well fleshed out it's established that it's there and that's about it he truly empathize with this to travel on this arc with her and understand her growth as she goes through it we need to understand that actual fear better don't get me wrong the fact that people keep telling her she's gonna turn to the dark side and she's been having visions of it and she's descended from Palpatine is a start the problem is we don't get very much character building at all to see how that actually affects her we see lots of things that would distill that fear in her but when it comes to actually exploring that fear itself we hardly scratch the surface if the film gave us a closer look as to how she was actually dealing with this fear actually dug deep showed us the process of her trying to rationalize it or go into denial over it or anything then the resolution of this arc that were about to get would be a lot more impactful the actual scene of her overcoming her fear is pretty good but a good resolution needs something good to resolve the pep talk itself is fine but falls flat thanks to a lack of adequate characterization earlier in the film Luke then tells her that there's something Leia would have wanted her to have and gives her layers light saber from when Leia was training to become a Jedi but apparently according to Luke Leia had a premonition that her finishing her Jedi path would lead to her son's death so she gave it up which I guess instead of kylo dying led to the events of this trilogy instead where he turns to the dark side slaughters countless people and then dies nice nice going Leia of course we don't know how much of that wouldn't have happened if layer finished her Jedi training it's just a bit weird that we learned Leia chose the path of her life to avoid the death of her son in the film that kills her son if the movie actually brought that up and addressed it as the cruel irony that it is then that would be neat but it just ignores it so Rey who's now packed up and ready to go to X goal to fight sheave gets the other mysterious triangle out of chaos TIE fighter force ghost Luke gives her his old x-wing since she's burned her transport and Rey leaves for X occulta facesheet setting up for the film's climax this film wants a big space battle between the resistance and the final order over X goal in its finale so transmits instructions to the resistance of how to get 2x ago this is followed by a part where the resistance discuss what they plan to do next this scene has some lines some lines in it first of all we have a line from PO talking about how the enemy Star Destroyers will navigate he says that without a navigation tower the Star Destroyers won't be able to tell which way is up out there this line is not what we'll get to it when it actually touches the plot but just for now all I want you to do is remember that he said it there's also a line from that dude who thought that only the Sith knew about cloning he suggests they use holder maneuvers or light speed rams to take out the enemy star destroyers it's important that someone suggested this because with how effective it's shown to be in the last Jedi and with how much is at stake here a lot of viewers must have it on their mind as a possibility fin then dismisses this idea saying now that move is one in a million this explains why they don't use it in the finale but it is at odds with what happens in the last Jedi which clearly presents the holder mover succeeding to be a very serious possibility just look how the first-order react to it doesn't seem like they're reacting to something that only has a one-in-a-million chance of succeeding I also like the idea that this film being contrived on its own wasn't enough for it it also had to go back and make a victory in the previous film a one-in-a-million chance plus I love the idea that all those hundreds of thousands of times that weren't that one-in-a-million holder would have just awkwardly hyper spaced out of there kind of undercuts their sacrifice we also get a line telling us that the Star Destroyers shields won't work in the atmosphere of X goal this is interesting but again we'll get to that when it actually touches the plot there's one more line which I just kind of want to mention in passing where Poe says what our mothers and fathers fought for we will not let die which I just want one soldier in the background to go my father fought for the Empire and with that the resistance is setting off 2x ago so we can have our finale the resistance get right into attacking the fleet of stardestroyers here's their plan apparently the final order Star Destroyers are navigating using a tower on the ground there is also a second tower on general pride Star Destroyer that they can also use if they need to the resistance is plan is simple just [ __ ] destroy the towers so that the final order Star Destroyers can't now get out of X Eagles atmosphere and turn on their shields this might genuinely be the stupidest thing in this film the Star Destroyers need a navigation tower to leave a planet's atmosphere just [ __ ] go up the line we just had attempting to justify this from putt the [ __ ] up Oh literally says nav can't tell which way is up out there this hurts my brain in more ways than should be possible if nobody could tell which way is up out there then everyone is [ __ ] and the fight can't even take place so I guess this only applies to the big ships which sounds like [ __ ] so then how is it that only the big ships don't have navigation out there they have the same if not superior technology when compared to the smaller ships so that just smells like [ __ ] how is it that there is a navigation tower on both the ground of X Eagle and on prides destroyer but not on every Star Destroyer why would you [ __ ] your own fleet so drastically for no reason that just looks like [ __ ] how is it that a Star Destroyer requires a nav tower in order to go [ __ ] up is there no other smaller less exposed meter for something like that that feels like [ __ ] how is it that a person can't just look out the window or blow up a helium balloon and just look at the way it floats or just go the opposite way or the [ __ ] ground in order to go up this absolutely tastes like [ __ ] I get that you want a big battle and so you have to invent a way to win it as well but this is just [ __ ] [ __ ] oops Lee why do people keep coming into my video what's what's happening here tell me why did you show up Jay when you interrupt the long the long interrupts you mean is that really true Gandhi said that so wow that is that is a reliable source but I'm genuinely really curious how these people keep showing up in my video I mean you're the long but weekend warrior and Nana aren't so what's the common thread he's not answering real well I suppose the mystery continues anyway if you remember at the beginning of the film we learned that there were 16 hours until she attacked all three worlds with this fleet of stardestroyers and that time hasn't elapsed yet however earlier one of these ships went and destroyed Kazemi meaning that they can leave so keeping the fleet here is a choice so let's go through this extra clearly the only reason that our heroes even have a shot at winning in this film is because she Eve has set an arbitrary timer until his attacks begin and until then he's keeping all of his star destroyers in a place that they can't defend themselves properly and can't navigate out of without major help maybe keep them literally anywhere else but hey that would have been fine they would have got away with making that incredibly stupid decision because no one would have found them if sheave hadn't insisted on sending out assassins that kill people using a map to this place ladies and gentlemen I present to you the mastermind that toppled the Republic a man who had a fleet of a thousand ships that could destroy a planet easily each and then decided to keep them in the one place they could be easily destroyed and then deliberately sent out clues to help his enemies find that location but wait there's still more stupid to come the resistance in their gunships and fighters and war craft very clearly have the navigation tower in their sights so they launched a ground invasion and deploy troops on the ground to go and destroy the tower instead of using their WAC their weapons on their ships I mean hey we know the tower doesn't have shields right it's in atmosphere this shot that I'm showing you on screen right now is a view from directly inside one of the resistance ships just shoot it with the same guns that you later use to blow up the Star Destroyers just [ __ ] shoot the thing it's a small tower you're looking right at it having realized what the resistance intent to do the villains transfer navigation control from the navigation tower on the ground so the war on pride Star Destroyer so the resistance decide to launch their ground invasion which by the way consists of horseback troops and also bb-8 okay onto the exterior hull of the spacecraft I have a few questions what the [ __ ] and also wouldn't that be like a thousand ways for a spaceship to clear horseback troops off its hull a ship that's designed to move in three dimensions a ships that can tilt and can do this thing called jumping to hyperspace whenever it chooses - nope apparently not because they then deploy ground troops onto the hull of their own ship to fight off the invasion just [ __ ] tilt the ship is the film really telling us that these ships can't tilt I mean if that's the case if the ship is always locked the same way up that's gotta be a pretty easy way to tell which way is up right just go the way up the ship is facing while this is all going on ray goes to confront sheave there he reveals to her that he never wanted her dead he wanted her to come and find him so I guess he knew that kylo was gonna betray him and try to turn her to the dark side instead of killing her I mean that's what you'd assume but him saying matic isla was never justified he just ordered the execution of someone who didn't want that for some reason why did she pretend he wanted her dead for half the movie how did this benefit him it seems like many of the other characters in this movie he's not acting according to his motivations he's doing random things to help the plot which is the opposite of good character writing sheave then tells Rey that he knows she wants to kill him but then he tells her that that's what he wants - apparently he wants to be killed by her because this will cause his spirit to pass on into her and they will become one and rule on the Sith throne chief tells her that to do this and accept this fate is the only way to take control of the fleet above and save the resistance in the meantime kylo is on his way shooting down enemies he runs into with a blaster that he has when he runs into the Knights of Ren high it's the Knights of Ren he doesn't shoot them because blaster what blaster what are you talking about that disappeared in between cuts and now he doesn't have it anymore my theory behind this is that JJ realized so many destroyed things had just come back to even things out he decided to make something he hadn't destroyed disappear for no reason now kylo is left taking on the Knights of Ren without any weapons if only he hadn't thrown his lightsaber in the sea and if only his blaster hadn't it's at this point Rey hands kylo one of her lightsabers through a force Skype call and using it he's able to defeat the Knights of Ren and join Rey in Chief's throne room with them both their sheep suddenly realizes that he can drain life force to restore his own body man the force can do anything the plot needs to do in this movie cut back to the space battle and our heroes are losing hard now for the duration of this finale people from the resistance of kept saying no one's coming to help us and villains have said no one is coming to help your friends while suddenly out of the blue a load more ships show up to help the rebels what a surprise man the fact that people kept explicitly saying that wasn't gonna happen really convinced me that wasn't gonna happen since the end of the last Jedi and for this whole movie it's been fairly well established that the rebels are on their own that they are the only ones left willing to fight their cause but then just before the finale started the resistance said to Lando hey go ask people if they'll they'll help and apparently off-screen and these like 20 minutes he was able to just persuade a bigger fleet than the resistance even had in the first place to just show up the saved by extra reinforcements at the last minute rope is a big one and is done pretty poorly here usually when this kind of thing happens in a story it's a big moment because we understand the decision that was made for these reinforcements to arrive it's impactful because we understand who they are and what decision they made what character flaw they might have overcome to arrive at this battle now these are a load of random people most of which we've never seen before composing a force that we didn't even know existed until it showed up who have been motivated to overcome flaws in ways that we can't possibly understand because we've not seen them before and we didn't really understand why they weren't helping in the first place also some characters like Babu Frick are in this crowd who as far as the audience had any way to understand was still on Cugini when it blew up that's where we left them under the assumption they had no way to leave the planet and no reason to believe they were intending to set off from the planet immediately yet here they are alive now shut the [ __ ] up as quickly as they arrived she've lightnings the fleet destroying and disabling countless ships he also heats kylo Ren off a cliff Rey who's still not recovered from having all the life sucked out of her by sheave starts hearing the voices of all past Jedi in her head this helps her to recover and stand up to face she's not sure what she's gonna do since if she kills him he's just gonna pass his spirit on into her but we'll see I guess it seems like there's no way for sheave to lose in this situation if for he kills him he wins or on the other hand now that chief has sucked out rank life force to restore his own body he doesn't actually need ready to kill him anymore so if he kills Rey he wins it's gonna be exciting to see what clever solution the writers have up their sleeve chief decides to kill ray by blasting her with Force Lightning which she blocks hey remember when he used that power to destroy a fleet three seconds ago oh well a force that can destroy an entire fleet is no match for Ray she then pulls a second lightsaber and deflects the lightning right back into his face disintegrating him completely which is pretty meaningless considering how he can just survive death without explanation I also love the fact that they do a close-up on his face as his entire body disintegrates as if they're trying to show you just how hard he's dying this time he's dead we promise as if you could possibly kill him harder than he was already killed before we've also just been told that if Raquel sheave then-chief wins by passing on his consciousness into Ray but then ray just kills him anyway because well then we well then we would never the happy ending would we at the same time Finn's ground invasion of the Star Destroyer was successful and he cripples the enemy fleet robbing it of the ability to go up cut back to the throne room and Ray is dead now I suppose that explains why she's spirit didn't pass into her but that's not something she would have known when she was trying to kill him there's no indication that she knew she was going to die yes she just got lucky but she is dead though right nah course not this is the rise of Skywalker death doesn't matter she's gonna be fine in like two minutes kylo makes a surprise return pulling himself out of the hole he just fell down he then forced heals ray back to full health from being dead they then share a shockingly misjudged kiss before kylo dies I guess healing someone from death kills you which is fine and all but it would have been good if we'd seen a negative effect on ray from her using her healing powers earlier because now as the movie stands reg uses her powers twice wants to heal a mortal wound and is absolutely fine both times but kylo uses it and diced personally I actually think it would have been much more interesting if Rey had stayed dead and kylo had been the one who survived Rey the pure of heart aragon and kylo the now reformed villain surviving to likely go on a path of trying to make up for the things he once did although i suppose for that to actually be interesting they would have had to have had better characterization up to this point but hell kylo sacrificing himself to save ray could good if they'd earned it we then cuts the resistance and the rest of the galaxy celebrating we've just defeated the final order during the celebration Mars presents chewy with one of the old medals from a new hope oh wow thanks JJ that's fixed everything when what the [ __ ] for the unaware there has been an outcry from Star Wars fans for decades because Chewbacca was not presented with the medal at the end of a new hope despite being just as deserving as anyone else why am i milk people weren't mad that truly didn't receive the physical object but rather the validation that that object represents well done thank you for risking your life and defeating the evil empire for now just randomly handing him a medal doesn't fix the issue he's still not being commended for his sacrifices and if anything handing him hands medal is just a stark reminder that all his friends are dead here you go Chewie solo enjoy floating around the newly freed galaxy all on your [ __ ] own even Lando can't be asked to hang out with you because he's been roped into fulfilling the Star Wars family tree surprise quota the most frustrating thing is this serves no purpose at all apart from just being shallow fanservice and only the longtime Star Wars fans would acknowledge it at that any newcomers or casual viewers would have just been completely confused by this moment as Chewie hasn't actually expressed any desire to receive a medal at any point during the 11 installments of the Star Wars movie Canon hey we don't actually know he's never expressed an interest in receiving a medal if he had subtitles we might find out that's like the only thing he ever talks about [Music] the demand for Chuy's metal was an entirely external real-world meme that's just been injected into the movie by JJ and it's distracting I'm no longer on our Janklow's celebrating an incredible victory with the resistance because this cheap effortless and entirely unnecessary moment has now made me acutely aware that I'm actually sat in a miserably uncomfortable chair in a narrow corridor of recycled files my immersion is shattered okay that was one of the weirder interruptions I can I think yeah I'm not milk anymore which is nice but snacks man how did you get him a video I think he's gone yeah the fact that I'm not milk anymore makes me think he's gone I guess we'll just have to wait to see if anyone else shows up to get an answer to that but as the celebration continues I can't help myself wondering so is that the first order gone - did they just forget about the first order at the beginning of this movie apparently there was still at war with the first order this movie introduces an entirely new threat she've and his final order which is what gets destroyed at the end of this movie so what happened to the first order remember the villains of this trilogy of course we've had so little world building in this entire trilogy it's never even been clear how much power the first order actually had what kind of control did they actually have over the galaxy apparently pride star destroy being destroyed and kylo turning to the light side and Huck's being shot means no more first order I mean if you say so film man the fact that the main threat for this film the last film in a trilogy was something entirely new that they introduced well not new you know stolen from a better trilogy but new to this trilogy hadn't been set up at all in the two previous films just goes to show how disjointed and disconnected these three films are the faction that this entire trilogy was supposed to be about defeating just get sidelined for the final part and basically ignored not even this trilogy cares about this trilogy well after the celebration there's one final scene left ray goes to the place this all started the moisture farm Luke grew up on where she buries Luke and Leia's lightsabers in the sand and meets a stranger who asks her name she says ray the stranger asks really what and she says ray [ __ ] Skywalker yes we can I was just aside the fact Luke lan Rae had little to no connection warranting her jacking their family name and that raised entire quest for family consists of her parasitically sucking off better characters like someone else we know problem that this scene totally rips off the ending from Titanic let me explain directionless female protag named for whatever reason directionless female protagonist the last names of people they've developed superficial codependent attachments to because she lacks any identity of her own not to mention to get rid of any association from the past bad bloodlines bad unions bad vibes whatever I know what you're thinking Jai what am i doing in your video yeah kind of well I needed something to do in between staring and Henry Cavill zas in The Witcher see you later huh so that explanation of what she's doing here was definitely something but I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to everyone who showed up in this video so what's the common thread I mean we're at the end of the movie now so nobody else is going to show up so I guess we're just not getting an answer to that question man a mystery box I set up earlier on in the video just didn't get an answer that's so satisfying I mean some would say that if I didn't have an answer planned for it I shouldn't have set it up to begin with but what do they know but there we have it that was the rise of Skywalker an uninspired mess with a plot that breaks every three seconds with bland flat characters poorly executed arcs and oh my god consequences just do not matter that's not to say that literally nothing in this film has a consequence kylo permanently dies after the fourth thing that she killin in this film consequence is there only something that happened if the writers feel like it if something bad happens no need to worry because it probably won't even matter or affect the story nothing [ __ ] matters there's no reason to get invested in any of this [ __ ] when she was thrown off a huge drop then blows up then blows up again he dies as a result but then this film brings him back with very little explanation because consequences what are those Lucan Anakin's lightsaber is destroyed the last Jedi but this film just duct-tapes it back together because the consequences what are those and the action scene at the beginning when I heroes her escaping TIE fighters in the Millennium Falcon the ship sustains major damage but next time our heroes need it we just cut to it fully repaired because consequences what are those everybody in the galaxy sincerely believed the Emperor was dead for thirty years that the fact that people believe this is of no consequence because as soon as the plot needs them to not believe it anymore they suddenly dumped ray gives her lightsaber back to Leia claiming that she hasn't earned it only fuller to give it back to her after like two minutes for no apparent reason were you expecting that to matter consequences aren't real in this movie oh no Carlos helmet was just an arrow it's fine oh no our heroes have fallen in quicksand don't worry it leads to a cave that happens to have the thing they need in it oh no I heroes are trapped in a cave where someone else has starved to death because there was no exit oh don't worry though there's an exit now because of luck kylos ship blows up with him inside it but he's fine how did he survive [ __ ] you oh my god Chuy's dead no he's not he's fine oh no c-3po has lost all his memories like a soft death or no no no we don't worry though he's fine consequences what are those oh no fin pwned shoo you're gonna get executed and they have no plan to escape don't worry the guy in charge of executing actually wants them to escape Carlos ship is blown up here comes kylo in his ship we've clearly established that Rey's parents were nobodies but we didn't say anything about her grandparents the deaths are completely blew up but the throne room survived because well the explosion wasn't that bad was it kylo has a Blastoise so surely he's gonna win this fight oh no wait he doesn't have one anymore okay oh no they destroyed koji me don't worry though every character from Koji me we knew survived inexplicably oh my god she sucked all the life out of kylo then threw him off a cliff but he's fine don't worry holy [ __ ] they killed ray oh no they didn't she's back the first order exists no it doesn't stakes have built on cause-and-effect and there is no cause-and-effect in this film that's not even mentioning the ridiculous number of huge contrivance is made for the sake of this film's story the original trilogy had a few of them don't get me wrong but this movie takes it so much further and there are poor justifications for pretty much anything littered throughout this embarrassment of a film at this point I'm just glad the trilogy is over but thank you for taking this journey with me before I go I would like to thank in order of appearance weekend warrior that starwars girl mauler cynic snacks ang a long bone for their cameo appearances which were all wonderful all the channels are linked below and if you like their cameos you'll like what they do in addition I'd like to thank all my backers whose names I'm all about to butcher so that's a special thanks to mentally handicapped 69 Michael Brown dance man Thomas D passio Nia definitely didn't get that one right Breanna Sinclair Megan stables Chris Newman mythril gear Renaissance nerds Amory damn Pape Zachary Christensen Kyle Caldwell will be sin' niconico Andrew Rasik Anna Cameron Bishop Gaara Monica to powder sir deadlocks Sebastian just Samuel Albert Mel for no nonsensninja Nicholas Ryan Gary Lee Robert Davidson Morgan Allen phantom Alex Bratz P Fanny TV Jason King Timothy Green Knight scribe Matthew Foraker des Vosges Elliott CEO Tony Michelle Noah Luke Paul Daniel and Marco Perry if you were in that list and I butchered your name and it's important to you that I get your name right then feel free to contact me over patreon and I will arrange something other than that I hope everyone watching has enjoyed thanks for staying to the end of the credits there's no end credits scene today although I have been putting them in sometimes so

Channel: undefined

Views: 1,891,814

Rating: 4.7515664 out of 5

Keywords: star wars, the rise of skywalker, star wars episode IX, IX, episode IX, review, full breakdown, ST, sequel trilogy, garbage, bad movie, critique, TRoS

Id: 3b7w7stl-TM

Length: 81min 28sec (4888 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 10 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Jay sounds 30 but looks 11.

[u/Sequoia_Throne_]

A steady diet of rhino milk does a body good