Adum & Pals: Bird Box

hello everybody this is our first Netflix joint and the first Netflix movie to be nominated for 10 Oscars yes this is a the first movie that will be watching blind by blinds I mean that we've never seen this movie before we're going on the trip now it's going to be rough it's gonna feel like it's going on for a long time oh no she's talking about the movie she said this trip is gonna be rough and that gave me a flashback to gravity when she was saying rough they could really benefit from having one of those blind man walking canes you know like tap what's in front of you sort of thanks man oh they planned this okay I think I like this better than a quiet place so far I find Sandra Bullock I find Sandra Bullock 10% more fuckable than John Krasinski 10% yeah give or take how many give or take 11 percent what's the total percentage points here though 18 okay so John Krasinski is 8 yes good man she uses her eyes so much she's a painter Oh like all those jobs were you doing but this is like entirely visual what I'm saying you can have a desk job without using your eyes you've never you've never seen my person were camels yeah blind people can use the computer I didn't I'm not sure blind people are allowed to have normal people jobs yes I need I don't think so I think they I think they're appropriate I thought we put them in camp yeah incidents and now alarming spread of incest in your hug god it's the happening I don't know being in Russia and Europe that's Siberia I can go in we can maybe see the baby or I can cancel the appointment we can go seahorse no fuck the horse pardon me I like not killing myself to conversate it's so awesome not killing yourself you've been sleeping any better every time oh now I got news for you motherfuckers that woman is in 13 reasons why not even joking she's absolutely in a late episode of season 2 sorry ourselves with lunch and a bottle of wine well finally now you're making some sense uh you can't drink when you're pregnant what not at all so this is our first child I guess she's like very not attached to the idea of having a child I could take it early very ambivalent yeah I'm a late third trimester but whatever I'm bored plenty of couples who are desperate to adopt a child you should give your child up for adoption I think she's making the right choices she's gotta go drink a bottle of wine with lunch whoops oh don't ruin that tracksuit oh my god sorry I wasn't reacting to the scene I was looking up the director on IMDB you're gonna want to be off the roads and on a damn horse yeah just cuz the apocalypse is happening doesn't mean we don't use transistor or fourth time in this movie they mentioned horses she was talking about a stud farm earlier I think she's gonna fuck a horse in this they know their audience yeah they know who's watching they want to get a good review from what my phone is in the backseat it's probably the foreman wondering where I just hold your horses hold your horses they don't shut up time to kill myself I hope we don't lose Sarah Paulsen's early in the game I was hoping we would know they had to do that with Sandra Bullock and her pulse in the in the car out of principle you out of fritz gotta go unfinished business I'm shocked at how much production value is behind this for what this is it's got that Netflix money yo I mean this is just the first scene like for this movie it's just two people talking in a room in a white room with no furniture is that Law & Order SVU alumnus BD Wong no and get from 13 oh yeah is it plants by the way I hope it's plants its the happening / a quiet place my two favorite movies brought together fine happening place there is an extended universe of these commentaries also I don't want Malkovich walking around with a shotgun did you know especially with minorities that actor is Jesus right did you know that actors and movies are sometimes in other movies what fuck are you talking about that's crazy to hear with that conspiracy theory but literally Machine Gun Kelly is not an actor in the last two movies we've done sir who's that woman from that one old lady I've seen her don't call Sandra Bullock an old lady she's aging gracefully I didn't see what it was just look on her face her scelera is magnified says that it was like a bad after effect was my wife my wife mammoth she's dead high five I'm John Malkovich she's had the same face for like every scene he's been on has also every movie John Malkovich options are limited what does this do for you it's the keeps the demons away books the demons we're back and forth in time this is this is a real pulp fiction of a movie the gun please yeah how do they establish it was sight because they decided that very early very early also I'm glad to finally see like a not conventionally attractive female in a in a film like it's honest ever it's refreshing don't be impressed about Sandra Bullock like that she's aging gracefully of course that we can't get anything if we can't see blind people manage yeah they've got is just fine I'm work probably go to the store and find some shit this is like the most like this incompetent group of people whatever for blind people like why people have been living like this their whole lives you know like now's our time to death because we can't see when we're outside like cut to a blind person just open to you kind of tuned under nothing's changed at all listen we can't look at whatever it is with the naked eye but maybe we can was a translator I know kung fu um bTW one your Chinese ID and try to see things he's gonna use it but he's strapped to the chair so that he okay I think he's gonna go yet he's gonna astral project it's fascinating to me how quickly they decided that it was site they figure that out we're like row none of them have viewed the cameras before now they like they're viewing the cameras now but it's look like oh I'm ready none of them have done this up until this point because they were my village oh is that it oh you puts those this why wouldn't you have someone watching them like you don't have to on the other side of the computer you don't have a look at the thing whoops sorry no oh that was weird kudos for efficiency hey can I eat your baby do not or take them off I'm kind of over both of you don't trust anyone so is that voice like the monster but it sounds like I don't know like Chris Pratt or something yeah and introducing Chris Pratt as the monster does this count because he can still kinda say I feel like if you can see light you're sort of cheating otice Chris Pratt that's good that was a good man grunt why haven't you killed yourself then okay I think it's really hard to kill someone blindfolded also I'm not sure he exists was he real I mean he hasn't killed himself I'm gonna say so he just went different crazy yeah I think you just went different crazy run out of food and there's no help coming I might know where we can get more where Charlie the fields market hmm just telling us this I like how they're poking holes in their own plot how was driving blast safe we're not cheap yes Oh classic can we agree this is dumb talk about how this is done for a while exactly what I just put newspapers from the inside the whole time why do you have to paint no outside of the car reversibly so far the blindfold and this there's so much light going through that you can basically see out anyway that's the thing it seems like sort of cheating yeah I just have to not be able to make them out so theoretically specific what did really hard you might be so BD Wong should have been fine it's what you're saying so there's a hole in your story no you're a bad person I'm a rad person you misspoke show it show it show it show it show it now the budget for that no cowards oh my god you can totally see out of this shit there's so much light it was a lot of like I think that they did this for practical lighting really problem I think they just did this so that they didn't have light having to come from the interior of the car to see their faces okay this is I like how the proximity sensors can see them does the car want to kill itself yeah oh no the car saw the demons been suicidal now beep beep beep beep oh God 3 meters 2 meters one way that's impossible they're inside the car there something must be something we missed something in the walls duh turn left here chewing gum like you're all fine right now the demons not gonna fuck with you it was moving your oh say it with your car why can't it fuck with you like it can't just topple you over or take your blindfold off or picking up Interac and dodge a wrench you can dodge ball I love those goggles those are great those look like some kind of Kanye's store goggles gonna say those are gonna film 8,000 I was gonna become fashionable in like three months they should just live here why a back board board up the windows yeah this is your toilet here good this is a good place to hold I think we left somebody there they left the fat lady buddy okay she knows what she did still we could have messed some other way sure could have been your your babysitter baby so the birds are fine I guess is what she's what about dogs I know there's no dogs anywhere okay but there's gonna be horses there's good thing they forgot dogs existed what's happening with you Malcolm is having a seizure all of us collectively are making the end of the world great again half empty the two black characters well here's an argument we're not assholes speak for yourself I'm John Malkovich goddamnit that was a line from The Happening actually we're not assholes remember oh there wasn't a happening shit are we sure it's just the happening you gotta speak up I can't hear you oh the birds and birds crazy okay can't see the birds understand this is funny Kentrell okay oh my god he just sue Eid or is just why aren't you killing you're just the guy's crazy oh that was quick did one of them kill the other this is funny I think he killed himself this is great you played yourself was so real yeah it was real but he was he had the crazies it's funny cuz that tricks not gonna work anymore cuz there's a pool of blood under the door I wish they had done it together give him a chance guys I like how calm the ride back was yeah good time we just had an intense scene we can't have another one I was saying that like the rest of the movies just gonna be two people talking no room you got your wish after that scene literally no effects at all nothing nobody watches movies for longer than half an hour so to use any budget in the back three-quarters of the movie is a waste yeah so you can clearly see you can save a friend a bit of shapes like framing it in the way we're in a way where it implies like oh she has no idea what's going on but like if you were looking through that what it showed us you would totally be able she's even acting like she's like completely blind but like she'd be able to see she's like based on what it just showed us pop that blindfold off just for a sec you know you want to peek children are never used as plot devices for conflict in horror movies these kids are the stars they let their kids Adam we run faster well she thinks she can shoot the demons so it can grab you it's grabbing the rope oh it's her stay on the boat you stupid Kurd no reaction from the kid she's asleep the kid has been heavily sedated it's like we need to act with a dog yeah that's how you teach can you scream in their face you don't just scream in their face you also shake them it's the one - I feel like we've got improved child performances because half of their faces are covered I know this wouldn't be the length of a movie if you cut out all these one-on-one conversations but I wish they cut out all these one-on-one conversations they are doing nothing oh she's pregnant she's pregnant with octuplets - in her belly one in her cheek but she's storing for winter it's like the only the classiest jokes on these comes yeah right we elevate humor to an art form one of you is gonna have a very important job one of you is gonna have to look what she's getting picking the kids love it because if I look we won't make it what she's facing a child look I can't believe she didn't earlier I'll do it no no no no I'm the one ha ha ha ha I like you more the little girl does it wait what look dumb-dumb over here is expendable you think she's got any Oscar nom Oscar nom noms yeah I love it just the same face the same I know Malkovich has like incredulous face and like disdain for humanity face see there's the other one oops what's this is she going to labor I don't understand yeah I'm gonna never come in I'm gonna suck it back in I've been doing my kegels why does she not want to do it she doesn't want it Oh spooky drawings you draw the demon and show it to them that's how they get you if you're hilarious awful if you're a good enough artist when this guy [Music] break what are you doing break the fucking glass and unlock the door what are you what the fuck are you doing bury that to me out of my house what there's no button for the garage inside that room absolutely is he likes to watch who has a garage that doesn't have a button for the door no way literally nobody lever every garage with an automatic door has a button for the door in the garage oh my god this is so bad do flips in your do a barrel roll next time you you can't force people's eyes open really like what is this a Clockwork Orange you can roll your eyes into the back here good even if your eyes are open you can still not look hey you're looking at the window - why aren't you okay open your eyes for one second and shoot him what the fuck okay so your are that's it so what's the point of the demon why not just kill him get your hand around the trigger babe this soundtrack is really obnoxious [Music] cuddle time I hate that so much baby it's me just like the soundtrack cutting yeah yeah that's so much I didn't watch a trailer for this movie I didn't know anything about it other than apparently 45 million people watched it on at the same time and nobody watched it first yeah exactly I saw the image I saw the memes and that's about it I was expecting better I was genuinely expecting better all these flashback sequences are just so bad well and that's most of the movie we've been in the woods for what like six minutes it's not about the current timeline no no how do we know you're not just a demon persuader oh god really that's not suspicious at all one day we saw this really really big oak tree it was bigger than this house of a soul being so big you know these child performances are getting worse now that they don't have blind for cover those kids up just snoring literally out boring oh wait they just shoot out windows like randomly yeah love you so much really it's again it's gang I wear fuck with these shit like tropes it's like it's the locket guys it's my necklace bracelet that means the world to me take off your blindfold really Oh a poker oops no shots really good shot for a blindfolded man yeah love this expression here he's fighting it cuz he's somebody else wrong and I'll - but he's able to whoops and that's the end of my story that's how my story ends we're going on the trip now it's going to be rough Robbie brought it back we yeah there's no way I don't care this is actually pretty fun like there's no way it could be - you could do this blindfolded whoops nice oh we tried girl boy I wish I named you how did they not think it was stupid I mean she thought it was stupid and then I mean the only objector died but she decided to continue anyway or you could yell no cuz it's also a quiet place heavy really she can use any scent that would be an awful movie you think screaming would be louder than that dumb little bicycle Bell how do you know where you're running your there's a clear path but you're not touching anything shot house you'd want it right into a tree Wow into a stump this soundtrack is just awful oh my god I think the soundtrack has just been one low note for the whole name oh I like how she's not running into trees she only trips on shit yeah if she was the larger girl those kids would be dead rawrr will write about our theory the blindest rule the world in the land of demons that can get you if you see my movie that starts with an identity this is as one of those leaf roofs you know demons can't break through that means hate leaf roofs they can nearly topple a vehicle they can't break glass or anything oh you did have children I'm so sorry whoops oh you're as bad of a parent as I find this is embarrassing funny thing also maybe you should start calling me Mom this would be pretty embarrassing people would probably think people are judging you harshly right now this time this is so stupid really stupid Tom OH my name is boy tom boy this is so bad unbelievably this is insane there has to be more come on epilogue prologue every something prequel sequel know what holy shit what oh my god that was pretty fucking dank [Music] what how much did you guys get paid for that one note I thought he told me that before too and I was passable while Malkovich was on-screen yes and then it's just an any stop being on stream and he stopped being on straight in the hand and then where do you go from it your stand why it even jumped from current day to was a weird way to do it current day was like 20% of the movie it was so little of the movie like what what was that like it was so unimportant again she didn't do anything in the current day if they just had that the movie there was no point in River River river forest and I'm impressed by how awful I'm not even mad this is genuine my bad I'm a little man what was you what was your favorite scene uh most things Malkovich BD Wong dying I challenge you to kill yourself faster than B t1 a tied to a chair that was so unsatisfying what was your favorite part when the garage door opened and apparently yeah there is no way to control it from inside the garage you know how garages work I think we kept it highbrow yes classy yep old classes never punching down no no they never kissed a horse that's true goddamn it yeah I thought horses would come back I don't know why they were so with that that was just like there's so much worse than beginning doesn't really from and then no love them there's that post-credit scene there's 40 seconds left now you just Netflix say your thing thank you for watching our first blind commentary it seems like the filmmakers were probably blind themselves I guess if there's one thing that you should take away from this is that we're all gonna fucking die think about it seriously think about it when you go to sleep tonight you're gonna die I'm gonna die we're all gonna die Synecdoche New York thank you can i bye-bye you

Channel: YourMovieSucksDOTorg

Views: 1,136,269

Rating: 4.9045806 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: GgZe-31cA3Y

Length: 24min 5sec (1445 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 14 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Eamk]

Wow, that was quick.

[u/Ky__]

i love the "guy from thirteen reasons why" running gag

[u/luperinoes]

finally now i can finally watch this film

[u/Deathly4]

I quite like it when Adum and pals have no idea what they're in for. Please do more blind comentaries.

[u/_TheHumanExperience_]

bork box

[u/TheCoolKat1995]

"Listen, one of you has a very important job. One of you is going to have to look"

"Wait, is she guinea-pigging the kids? She's gonna sacrifice one of them"

"Love it"

If you're gonna survive in a post-apocalyptic setting, you've gotta be prepared to sacrifice some children.

[u/AdrenalinDragon]

Bird Crap Box!

[u/ralo229]

It's weird how popular this movie is, but I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes it. The highest praise I've ever heard someone give it is, "Meh."

[u/xvalicx]

We need a Serenity commentary when that's out.