Wait a second I'll talk
about Toy Story 3 in a second okay. If you watched my last review,
then you're probably wondering who won my copy of the Heart Locker. On Blu-ray! Shea's actually pissed at me because
I didn't put Antichrist as the best movie of the year. So he went on my computer and tried to make it
so that he won my Blu-ray just out of spite. And I wasn't going to stop him,
because I'm a fair person. So in the end, Shadowfolds had 29 So in the end, Shadowfolds had 29 Insipie had 1, hazzabananza had 1, and Shea had 169. So I put all their names in the randomizer,
one for each comment they left. I click the button and wouldn't you know it
Shea is at the top of the list. So Shea won or that's what I would be saying
if Shea just followed the fucking guidelines. I'm sorry Shea one of the requirements
was to favorite the video and you didn't. Not my fault, you fucked it. So I randomized
it until someone came out that wasn't Shea and... Good job Shadowfolds you won.
You won like the easiest contest to win ever. How could you screw that up. Now I'll talk about Toy Story 3! So here's my position. Toy Story 3 is
grossly, grossly overrated. Should it have won Best Animated Feature? Well, maybe. It was up against
How To Train a Dragon, and The Illusionist wasn't great...
Should it have gotten nominated for Best Picture? Hell no! By the way if you haven't noticed
this video is not appropriate for children. Dick, cunt, shit, pussylick,
horse cock, cunt nugget. Should it have gotten nominated
for Best Adapted Screenplay? What the fuck? This is not a good screenplay
at all! Pixar is overrated in general. *How could you say that about Pixar!*
Okay hear me out. I don't think that Pixar was the worst
thing to happen to cinema okay I'm not Shea. [Shea] I hate Pixar. I hate them. They're overrated, they've never made
anything with any artistic value ever. They're overrated, they've never made
anything with any artistic value ever. Childish initial incident, childish plot, childish
conclusion, everything works out in the end. Happy. There's nothing worse than Pixar. They've flopped time and time again, people keep
going back and saying their movies are good. Pixar just sucks. [YMS] However, I do believe that
Pixar has a kinda false immunity. I mean a lot of people like Pixar just
because it says Pixar on it. You know how I know this? Because some
of you have already downrated this on Youtube just looking at the title without
even hearing me out on what I have to say. Youtube just looking at the title without
even hearing me out on what I have to say. Pixar is not flawless people!
Okay let me start with Toy Story as a whole. I mean it kinda makes sense. I'm not
gonna call it a flaw that toys can talk. That's what the whole movie's about. The first
Toy Story came out at just the right time. That's what the whole movie's about. The first
Toy Story came out at just the right time. And they picked the right story, too. Toys
have very simple character models and textures And they picked the right story, too. Toys
have very simple character models and textures and it made it a lot easier for the
animation to be convincing seeing as how computer animation was limited compared
to what we have today. I mean the humans kinda look like toys
too but whatever. The movie does have a couple of flaws though. Like how Buzz doesn't believe he's a toy,
he believes he's a Space Ranger. [Buzz] Toy?
[Woody] T-O-Y. Toy. [Buzz] Excuse me I think the word you're
looking for is Space Ranger. [YMS] So why does he pretend to be a toy
whenever Andy comes in the room? Wouldn't he be like "Oh my god a giant!"
Buzz believes his laser can kill people and Andy's just playing with it. I just don't get why he's being perfectly
still and pretending to be a toy when he doesn't believe he's one. It's never really addressed. And don't tell
me that the toys were just metaphors They very obviously have a real effect on
the world they live in. [Woody] Hanna! Oh, Hanna!
[Hanna] Mom? [YMS] You give this movie a bit of credit
because it's a kids movie, and it works! And by credit I mean Woody being able
to fight off a dog but not lift up a box, And by credit I mean Woody being able
to fight off a dog but not lift up a box, jumping on Woody somehow making RC
jump, the continuity of Buzz's wingspan that should have clipped the race track
as he went through the loop-de-loop and hilarious things like who the fuck
would honk just because there's a toy in the middle of the road. Overall this movie works regardless. It is its own movie. Toy Story 2 comes
along and people are thinking "Ah isn't this some sort of money grab?" and although Toy Story is one of the
most profitable franchises ever, it still felt like it was its own
movie. Sure it had the same characters and they filled it with a lot of
references to the first film but they changed the formula adding
a B story and explored themes that weren't really focused in the first movie. They explain the origin and
backstory of both Woody and Buzz helping us to understand what type of
toys they were meant to be marketed as, adding to the story and filling in
details that the first movie didn't have time to cover. Toy Story 2 complimented the first movie
but it wasn't dependent on it so aside from the extra credit that society says we
have to give to kids movies the only real problem I had was this
scene, Woody's trying to get his arm back so he can go home and then the TV
turns on and he's like "Jessie you bitch how could you!" and then later we find out it
was the prospector but wasn't the remote right in front of Jessie? I mean even if she didn't do it she
still saw the prospector do it so doesn't that make her just as guilty? Are we supposed to believe that she was
sleeping with her eyes open? Anyway, I think Toy Story 2 stands up to the first
movie pretty well, and then there's Toy Story 3 a movie
that you can only watch once you get past the fact that by now Andy's toys
are watching him masturbate. I guess Pixar was like "We could tell a
story that made sense. But eh, why bother they're gonna pay
to see it anyway." All of the plot devices are just plot
conveniences. It's just lazy writing altogether. As
soon as you ask yourself "Wait a minute why is this happening?"
It's immediately answered by Oh...so the only reason that happened was
to progress the story or add conflict. Why the hell would the attic close
by itself? Oh, so the toys never make it up to the
attic and Andy's mom thinks it's trash. Why are they moving around to the other
side- Oh, so Andy's mom can close the door and then they can get driven to the daycare. Do you guys understand that the
only reason you like this is because of the first two movies? This is just a big nostalgia fest where
they try to trigger emotions by raping your childhood. A lot of the problems come with the fact
that it is the third movie. I mean in the first movie when the toys
don't believe Woody it's kinda convenient but it makes enough sense
that they wouldn't trust him. But now it's convenient to the point
that the entire plot of the movie would not have happened if they were just like "Hey maybe we should trust Woody already
he's been right the past hmm I don't know fifteen years?" [Woody] Yeah I know it looks bad
but guys, you gotta believe me! [YMS] What reason could Woody possibly
have for lying to you about this? It's just painful to see characters act
so irrationally just because it's convenient for the
script. And then later Mrs. Potato Head's like "Oh my god I can see Andy perfectly
miming out gestures that would indicate that he didn't wanna throw us out." Couldn't she have been lying just as easily?
Why do they trust her and not Woody? I am aware that the term plot convenience
means nothing to some people so I'm just gonna bring out my main point right now. Toy Story 3 is a rehash of Toy Story 2! They were like well that
made money so we might as well just do the same thing twice. They follow the formula to an excessive
degree. Open up the movie with a large scale action sequence that is later
revealed to be an exaggeration of a game being played by other
characters. Introduce ideas and images reflecting change and ultimately the idea that toys don't last
forever. Unwanted toys are gathered and the mistake is made wherein one or more the main characters
end up where the unwanted toys are supposed to be. Toys get placed in new
environment meeting new characters, one of them being a plump and seemingly
kind toy with a deep voice and a cane. This toy is later revealed
to be an antagonist fueled by the traumatization of feeling
unloved and unwanted, taking their anger out on others. [Prospector] I'll tell you what's not fair.
Spending a lifetime on a dime store shelf watching every
other toy being sold! [YMS] The seemingly inviting toy
tempts the main characters to stay with promises of being loved for generations
and getting repairs when needed. A delusional factory setting Buzz
Lightyear locks up one or more of the protagonists. Insert overexposure effect flashback
sequence of characters new to the series being abandoned out in the country
by their previous owners. The protagonists enter a large-scale industrial contraption, wherein the antagonist is disposed of in
the process, and ultimately left to the care of an owner with no care
for their well-being. *But wasn't the theme of closure
exclusive to Toy Story 3?* I guess but they also could have made a
good movie with the theme of closure in it you know. So when you've got nothing to
support a movie that rides on: I'm gonna dangle your childhood toys in
front of your face until you cry! then all you're left with is the credit
to your supposed to give it for stupid things. Like when they talk about
the monkey who is looking at the security cameras, and they put extra emphasis on his
ability to see toys trying to escape from the daycare, but Buzz already escaped by this point! Why wasn't he watching
the security cameras then? Why didn't we hear any monkey
screaming over the intercom? [Buzz] This doesn't make any sense.
[YMS] And what's up with Buzz's Spanish setting? So he's normal, and then they switch in
the factory setting, and then they press reset and
he's Spanish... And then they have no idea how to switch him back, and then a TV falls on him
and he's fine again. [Buzz] That wasn't me was it?
[YMS] And then Jessie's like "Oh I'm gonna turn him into a racist
stereotype all the time now" What are you gonna do you are you
just gonna push a TV on his head every time you wanna change him back? Are the jokes worth it? I mean is there
anything else for this movie if you're not emotionally involved? The jokes weren't even that funny! I mean
the highlight of the movie is like Mr. Tortilla Head and that doesn't even make
any sense. I'm not going to complain that pieces of plastic can walk
around and talk, but they can animate other
objects now? How the hell is he standing up? If you cut holes in Andy
and stuck them into Andy would he be able to control Andy? Why don't you just stick him
into the ground and then he'll control the whole world! Don't worry I'm completely aware that
some of these are just problems that I have with the movie, like how they change Bullseye into a dog,
I mean in Toy Story 2 he was doing things that were like a dog. There were points where his tail
would be kind of wagging and he was kind of panting... But then Pixar just said "Fuck it,
he's a dog now." If your horse is making noises like that
there's something wrong with him and you should get him to a doctor. So aside from all the plot conveniences and
the intentional choices that I just happen to disagree with, I still felt like there were parts that
should have made more sense. Like when they're on the conveyor belt and Slinky
gets lifted up to the giant magnet because he's made of metal, and then they're like "We need to get
Slinky down!" and Slinky's like "No you guys should up come here
because you're gonna die if you don't." So then everybody grabs something
metal, ha ha ha the horse is in a horseshoe, you don't." So then everybody grabs something
metal, ha ha ha the horse is in a horseshoe, And then Lotso's like "Help I don't
understand karma!" and Woody's like "It would be out of character if I
didn't try to save him" So him and Buzz try to save him,
the golf bag is too heavy, Woody takes out a golf club, it lifts
him off the ground because it's metal, Buzz uses his weight to bring it back
down and then all three of them use the same golf club to be lifted up to the magnet. WHAT? Can
someone explain to me how the weight of Woody and Buzz is greater than
that of Woody, Buzz and Lotso? Is it lazy not to just change it to:
each character quickly grabs a separate golf club and is
hoisted to safety... So they get to the other side of the
death machine and they noticed the metal's still stuck to the roof and are
like "Where is everybody?" And they're like "We're down here!" But
how did Slinky get down? Isn't he made of metal? Did you not notice this
didn't make sense as you were writing or did you just think "Ah it's kids
they're too stupid." And that's the problem I have
with Toy Story 3. Because of the Pixar label people are
treating it like it's better than Rango. I know this isn't Mars Needs Moms or
anything but Best Adapted Screenplay nomination? I didn't know screenplay and
marketing strategy were synonymous. If I was blindly emotionally involved in
the story would my brain just trick itself into believing there's no problems with
it? Is it really that emotional to see creepy
Andy go "This is how you must play with your toys because your own imagination
is secondary to that of mine as a kid!" Don't let him near your daughter he has
mental problems! You're not even playing with the kid anymore you're just playing
with Woody. I'll give the movie some credit they did
make some new and interesting characters that they never did anything with... But seriously... this does not belong on
the top 250 movies of all time! So hopefully from this you understand
where I'm coming from when I say it is grossly grossly overrated. It is the best reviewed movie of 2010
and I'm not saying don't enjoy the movie. Enjoy it all you want! Just stop fucking
pretending that it's better than other kids movies because it's from Pixar. They made it dumb because kids don't
have to think about those things and that's fine but kids don't decide the
Academy Awards do they? Best Picture nomination? What the fuck!
And please don't fucking tell me that I'm over analyzing it just
because it's a kids movie. How about next time you talk to someone
about movies, just say "I don't care about the plot, structure, or overall quality
of a movie so long as it's marketed towards children! I have already given examples of unfair
criticism that would be considered over analyzing. I have already given examples of unfair
criticism that would be considered over analyzing. But still some people like to use the
word as a replacement for: "This movie's dumb and you're going to ruin
it for me if you make me use my brain!" For all your subtitling needs, /u/Selcian c:
