5 Movie Epilogues That Should Have Been Sequels - After Hours

so the kids find ray Bauer's body by the train tracks confront the bully and learn a valuable lesson about the unbreakable bonds of friendship just in time to drift apart forever yeah stand by me momentarily but then you get River Phoenix's characters epilogue in voiceover oh him he got stabbed in the throat and a McDonald's good night everybody he was stabbed in the throat he died almost instantly yeah mr. Holland is writing the whole the whole story is a eulogy for his buddy it's not based on a true story why next stabbing that is an oddly specific and gruesome way to kill off one you're more likeable main characters after the movie's over especially when the audience has only ever known that character as a child you ever seen a ketchup packet explode okay yes Stand By Me includes a bloody seemingly frivolous death by epilogue is that your point huh no beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful oh Jesus [ __ ] yuck we hate that idea you can't seriously want to watch a movie where a lawyer gets stabbed in the throat while trying to order fast man maybe not an entire movie about that but yeah like the Harvey Dent story you a guy who's just trying to help everybody out he becomes a lawyer just to help people who can't help themselves and then after some career making Erin Brockovich type case he's just getting a milkshake and boom crazy arbitrary violence you can try and change the world but in the end you're just one man yes also in my version he doesn't Tokyo drifting on the weekends I never trade that for a great movie like stambha me I mean you'd be replacing a verified great movie with something that maybe potentially kind of interesting if I'm gonna pick an epilogue over a movie then I want an epilogue that can't help but be amazing that is why ah Animal House bluto's epilogue as it becomes United States Senator oh that would be incredible drunk John Belushi failing his way up the ranks of government like some accidental Frank Underwood - Gump startin food fights smashing hippie guitars until we make him vice president for it let's watch that now there are a ton of real senators who built their entire early career on just being in the right frat and being charming this might be the most honest look at what it's like becoming a politician point of order Sauron you can't just pick one right you intercepted stand by me and you finish the plate and then you throughout Animal House this has to be against protocol right say a lot all the kids become architects or they own bunch of jumping companies except one Bertram Bertram got really into the 60s and no one ever saw him again it wasn't just the Sandlot kids who never saw him again no one did so what the hell happened to Bertram where's Bertram stringer where the [ __ ] is Bertram look at me wait a future a lot of disappear Abel stuff happened in the sixties sexual liberation riots serial killers Wars secret LSD tests how come no one on the Sandlot is asking the hard questions yes Bertram could be taken in skis seriously mine is so good you guys the epilogue only gives us one sentence about him and that's it as if people vanish into decades all the time in this town why not freaking out about that why is everyone only concerned about a big dog you're just changing the entire genre of the movie that's like saying that science fiction is better than a coming-of-age story its opinion and saurons just gonna say whatever comes to ascribe to ridgemont high Spicoli Zepa log Katie's right via awesome no it's just chaos now right we're just we're just not doing anything by the book Daniel I'm looking at you doesn't the ocean try to kill Brooke Shields and Spicoli zeppola he rescued her from a wave a tasty wave if memory serves and then he used the reward money to hire van Halen to play his birthday party because apparently get reward money for rescuing it would be amazing you'll be like a cross between project X and that kid in Australia through the biggest party Melbourne has ever seen their refused to apologize for it what would you say to other kids who were thinking of partying when their parents are out of town get me to do it for you we already know the Fast Times universe doesn't have a single parent in it so the parties must be insane then you give the craziest kid 100 grand to throw a rager with a band that's pure white hot sex and you picture the worst thing that you think today's kids probably do that is happening and no less than three rooms at this party their reward money for Brooke Shields would be six figures feels hot yeah but 80s Brooke Shields them we consult the Blue Book value Jumanji oh you were just I thought you were actually it's Jumanji the answer to the god damn mother big question is Jumanji you buttholes aah okay to be totally honest I don't remember the end of Jumanji that welted probably was fighter Rhino no he wrote a write-up no he healed sick rhinos with the power of laughter Aden Williams gets sucked into a board game as a child and then he lives in this crazy jungle and well into adulthood and the new kids play the game and let him out and then he dresses up as a rhino so he can see his kids again see I remember yes shut up okay the kids win the game and then everything gets sucked back into the board game and Robin Williams is freed except he's not freed is adult he's freed as a child but he and his buddy Bonnie Hunt go back to being kids sitting around a board game but having retained all the knowledge of living an entire life so he spent his whole first life around a bunch of animals as far as society is concerned he's basically starting from scratch again anyway maybe but Bonnie Hunt lived all of that time in our world which means that when she goes back to being a kid she knows what's going to happen for the next 30 years the epilogue is basically just bare girls and a legitimate psychic trapped in the bodies of children just changing the future to suit their whims and they do I mean they tell the kids parents not to go on the ski trip where they're fated to die and make the kids orphans Wow and therefore acceptable film protagonist that's the epilogue it's just the early edition starring Tarzan and Nostradamus trapped in the bodies of children at the turn of the century now you tell me that that is not more interesting than any idea that Sauron has ever had okay sure yeah it's better than saurons stuff Jesus who should probably beat out like a rough outline or something right we have to make this movie you guys done all the awesome ideas I have and just choose not to share hi everybody hello thanks for watching the episode yeah and we were actually wondering what are some epilogues that we missed if any or better or like if you could write a better one that would get us fired this is where you publish it right below where you can also subscribe its which was a person vine I never know they can flop it in post you

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,267,052

Rating: 4.9472551 out of 5

Keywords: Epilogue (Quotation Subject), Sequel, Stand by me, parody, cracked, after hours, funny, spoof, sketch, Stand By Me (Film), Mr. Holland's Opus (Film), Richard Dreyfuss (Film Actor), Comedy, Satire (TV Genre), Film (Media Genre), Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), Humor, cracked.com, Toyko Drift, Animal House, Bluto, Politics, The Sandlot (Film), Stringer Bell (Fictional Character), The Wire, Fast Times At Ridgemont High (Film), Project X, Jumanji (Film)

Id: aNQFF_foGe4

Length: 8min 17sec (497 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 24 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/JohnnyPsychotic]

It makes me every said. This was my favorite show on cracked. Now they just focus on fucking current events, like anyone is surprised that our country sucks anymore.

[u/hereforthensfwstuff]

Can I watch Cracked after hours and pretend I have witty fun friends?

[u/ACrusaderA]

I mean, all of it seems fairly accurate

[u/FreeCandy4u]

Late to the game but thanks for the reminder about this episode. Cracked might be dead but After Hours will always be remembered.