WHY A NARCISSIST CANNOT LOVE YOU BACK by RC BLAKES

hello I'm our receipt lakes and today we're getting into something that's very different for me but at the same time kind of similar I've done some teaching relative to relationships and in the past I've been describing a person that I didn't realize I was describing I was describing the narcissist and how to break free from the grips of the narcissist let's talk I want to thank you for joining me on this journey of discovery I've gotten so many emails and inboxes from people that follow me on social media or wherever asking me to deal with this subject of the narcissist or narcissism and how it plays out in terms of relational dysfunction of course I was very slow to approach it because I'm after all the pastor and a father I'm not a psychologist I'm not a therapist I'm not a licensed counselor I'm just a pastor and a father and a man with opinions that I don't mind sharing so I began to study this thing called narcissism or the narcissist and the interesting thing is that as I studied and I'm bringing you along with me as I uncover certain truths and facts about the narcissist and narcissism I'm learning and I'm sharing with you as I go so if you have anything to add please do so in the in the comments so that you can help in and help to enlighten me even further but I noticed something that I was addressing this individual without really understanding that I was addressing this individual in one of my first books the father-daughter talk there's a chapter chapter 10 that that is the title of the chapters most men are actors simply playing a role and this is what I wrote back in 2014 I cannot emphasize this enough most men are not who they say they are or appear to be those who are authentic are few and far between this is true for a myriad of reasons some men feel listen to this a sense of inferiority and presume a need to inflate their profile to create a false measure of security others have flaws they attempt to mask with a fake image some simply feel the need to manufacture a persona they desire but for whatever reason they have not attained on a more diabolical level a man will assume a false identity for the purpose of deceiving a woman the deception is aimed at compromising her defenses relative to sexual abstinence well now as I've gone further and I've evolved understand that all of that is true but the man uses this false persona many times and of course when you talk about narcissism and narcissist it's not just strictly male that book was written to women from a father's perspective on how to live in a world of men that would you know consume you as a lion may consume a lamb but now I'm discovering that this thing called narcissism is neither male nor female and I was describing the narcissist and didn't even realize it now let's get a definition the definition that I've that I found and I'm comfortable with is and now a narcissist is an extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance a manipulative individual with no sense of empathy that word empathy comes up more frequently than any other word in various professionals and experts in this field as they describe the narcissist he or she has no sense of empathy they can hurt you and not feel any way about it they do not connect with your pain even when they've caused it they are not moved by it I got this from got questions org narcissism is the term used in psychology to describe a preoccupation with self it is a greek term taken from the name of the mythological narcissus who fell in love with his own image and was doomed to die because he would not turn away from it a narcissist is a person who displays a high level of selfishness vanity and pride he sees everything from a how does this affect me perspective empathy is impossible for the narcissist because his only perspective is the one centered on self in psychology narcissism is seen as a broad spectrum of conditions ranging from normal to pathological and again I got that from got questions org listen to what the Word of God says in second Timothy 3:1 through 7 the more I study this the more I realize I've been studying it and preaching it for 35 years and just didn't know it 2nd Timothy 3:1 through 7 says this know also that in the last days perilous times shall come for men shall be lovers of their own selves covetous boasters proud blasphemers disobedient to parents unthankful unholy without natural affection trucebreakers covenant breakers false accusers incontinent fierce despisers of those that are good traitors heady highminded lovers of pleasures more than lovers of god having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof from such he says turn away for this sort are they which creep into houses and lead captive silly women laden with sins led away with divers lust ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth what he's describing here is the narcissistic man that manipulates the gullible credulous young woman but these 10 all of these traits for the most part are characteristics of the narcissist and the Apostle Paul more than 2,000 years ago wrote this letter to the young pastor Timothy telling him to be beware be careful of these narcissists that are destroying the young women now the psychologist Steven Johnson writes that the narcissist is someone who has buried his true self expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed compensatory false self this alternate persona - the real self often comes across as grandiose above others self-absorbed and highly conceited in our highly individualistic and externally driven society mounted severe forms of narcissism are not only pervasive but often encouraged I like that last part where he says they're not only these these characteristics or traits are not only pervasive but are also encouraged going back to my book the father-daughter talk the reason that men become predators relative to women is because society applauds it it's encouraged learn how to manipulate women learn how to manage the emotions of women get them into the bed take their money do whatever you want to do with them just control them and Society applauds it on the flip side society frowns on a woman that would do the same thing but it applauds a man that does it it is encouraging narcissism now now watch this the grandiose purse Amma is really just the cover for the private pain of feeling inferior and worthless you notice that Steven Johnson also says he says writes that someone who has buried his true self expression in response to early injuries the narcissist is as as much as he injured as much as she injures that person is a hurting individual now I'm not making this statement so as to generate any kind of reconnection to this person because you might feel sorrow for them you cannot help this individual the only one that can help this individual is God they don't need you they need God and a psychologist or a psychiatrist they may need some medicine actually I want to look today at four reasons why one should avoid any kind of close relationship with a narcissist especially a romantic relationship or some really close friendship number one they do not have a Constitution that allows them to reciprocate love because they are consumed with self-interest in other words you find yourself in this relationship giving giving giving giving giving they'll be taking taking taking taking taking you'll be depositing depositing depositing and they'll they'll be withdrawing withdrawing withdrawing and you'll be the one that's left with the insufficient funds notice or notification the Bible says in first Corinthians thirteen four and five love suffers long and is kind they don't have the capacity to return love love envies not love vaunteth not itself it is not puffed up love does not behave itself unseemly love does not seek her own is not easily provoked love thinks no evil the narcissist is not capable it does not have a and in a constitution to be able to return love for love so you'll find yourself in a situation where your giving and your never receiving and if you're in any situation where you're constantly giving it ends in a toxic conclusion are with a toxic conclusion so when you find yourself in any kind of love affair with a narcissist you know that that is leading you nowhere but to emotional financial physical spiritual bankruptcy number two they are fundamentally programmed against relationships they only have the capacity to perform like an actor they don't have the capacity to actually be in a relationship they can act like they are in a relationship but it is only a performance they are the ultimate hypocrite they are performers they figure out what character you want them to play going back to my book again characters that men play in relationships to appease the desires of women they they are fundamentally programmed against relationships they only have performances with an agenda they are actors you don't want to be in a relationship with a narcissist because the person you see is simply an actor and the Bible says in Proverbs 6 24 through 26 to keep thee from the evil woman from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman lust not after her beauty in thine heart neither let her take thee with her eyelids for by means of a woman a man is brought to a piece of bread and adulterous will hunt for the precious life just acting just acting I was thinking just as I was studying this whole subject matter I've been asked the question quite often why is it that I'm always attracted to bad men I get that from women of course it goes both ways but women quite often ask me why am I always attracted to bad men and as I'm studying this now I'm understanding it a little better you are attracted to bad men because bad men are acting like the ideal man of your dreams you are constantly attracted to bad men because they are playing the role your subconscious and even your conscious mind desires and it's not until you have let your guard down and you've opened up your life that you discover that you've opened yourself up to a predator over and over and over again because they are fundamentally programmed against relationships they only have performances with an agenda they're actors number three while they are your priority reasons why you don't want to be in a relationship with with a narcissist while they are your priority you are for them just an opportunity while you make them the priority for them you are an option they just use you to get to the next level and when they've when they're finished using you they'll move on to the next victim Judas I believe as I'm thinking from my you know biblical context I believe that you know and I'd like to I'd like to hear the the feedback from some therapists or psych psychologists or psychiatrists but Judas simply used as I look in my Bible Judas simply used Jesus for his own advancement Judas used a act of affection to destroy Jesus and to advance himself financially Judas used a kiss to betray Jesus it destroyed Jesus while it enriched him financially and the Bible says in Luke 22 47 and 48 in while he yet spake behold a multitude and he that was called Judas one of the twelve went before them and drew near unto Jesus to kiss him but jesus said unto him Judas betrayus thou the son of man with a kiss while you are there priority or while they are your priority you for them are just an opportunity they'll use you and destroy you the moment they feel like they don't need you anymore or there's someone better to use number four they will destroy you to numb the pain of their inner hatred or inner self hatred and to maintain an ideal image one thing I'm learning about the narcissist is that he or she is miserable on the inside and there's a there's a there's really a self-hatred even though there's this outward projection of confidence you know grandiose I'm better than you and and to some extent they may believe it they may be so delusional as to believe it but their subconscious their spirit man is is living with a sense of self-hatred and so they they develop this image this external image that says to the world I am this when on the inside they're really the opposite of that one biblical character that I you know I think I has been suggested to me more than a few times actually is Jezebel that she represents narcissism and I believe it as I as I studied this thing and I look at Jezebel's life I believe it Jezebel really was driven by external image imagery Jezebel was more concerned about the optics than anything Jezebel sought to murder the prophet Elijah after he destroyed all of her false prophets and embarrassed her on Mount Carmel go and read the the Bible read the text he destroyed all of her false prophets before the the people and Jezebel's response was one of rage because her external image had been dismantled and so now the only way to recover was to destroy Elijah in the Bible says in first Kings 19 one and two and they have her husband told Jezebel all that Elijah had done and withal how he had slain all the prophets with the sword then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah saying so let the gods do to me and more also if I make not thine life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time she said the same way you destroyed my prophets I'm going to destroy you she was driven into a rage because her image her external image was dismantled and so now she wanted to destroy Elijah to numb the pain of her own personal inner hatred I hope that you stick with me through this exploration of narcissism and not narcissism and a narcissist it's becoming very interesting for me and I'm looking forward to all of your comments and as we go deeper I pray that God would just give us greater revelation and that hopefully some of you many of you all of you even who are impacted by a narcissist will be set free by the discussions that are coming forth if I may I'd like to pray for you if I may father God I thank you because I know that this is more than just just me sitting and talking and filming something God this is a reality in the lives of many people and there are many who are broken and hurt because of this very spirit this very individual now father I ask you to give us an anointing to be able to speak to the pain of every person that might be struggling with this very issue and I thank you now for bringing healing and bringing restoration to all who have been impacted by such an individual in Jesus's name Amen now if you like this I need you to follow me I need you to hit a little bail so you know when I'm on I need you to be alerted when I'm on live or when I've uploaded something I just want to build my community I need you to like it I need you to share it I need you to hit the bell I need you to do all of that help me to build my community I love you I thank God for you and remember you are on top and you're going higher god bless you I'm Marci Blake's Ready's father-daughter talk been shattered [Music]

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 223,957

Rating: 4.946631 out of 5

Keywords: NARCISSIST, RC BLAKES, ROBERT BLAKES, RELATIONSHIPS, heart break, christianity, soul ties, RC BLAKES JR

Id: pATkLc66WpA

Length: 22min 5sec (1325 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 06 2018