NEVER CONTINUE WITH A MAN THAT SHAMES YOU by RC BLAKES

good evening good evening good evening i um wanted to come in and share something that's on my heart if this is your first time here i'm r c blakes i'm a pastor i'm an author and uh i'm a man with some opinions and um so i have something that i want to share tonight try to be as brief as i possibly can but you all know how that goes um there's a chapter in my book um entire the title of the book is the father-daughter talk and there's a chapter in this book that talks about chapter four never be with a man who makes you afraid these are the things every father should teach his daughters and the subtitle of this chapter is no woman was created to be abused at the hands of a sick man and i wanted to just i wanted to address this tonight um because there's so much toxic um sick twisted ideas about what manhood is and what masculinity is thank you kimberly and um i see so many games that are being played and i see so many uh fatherless women falling for it and when i say fatherless i'm not necessarily talking about your dad didn't love you your dad wasn't there your dad didn't provide your dad wasn't in the home i'm talking about you've not been fathered you can have a father and not necessarily have been fathered by your father in other words there's a disconnect and so the things that should have been imprinted on your subconscious mind about who you are about life and about how to deal with sick men you never got those lessons and so i teach you know you really either learn through um instruction or you learn through the sad reality is that most women are left to learn the most difficult lessons in life through experience and so here i am thank you so much here i am i i don't you know i don't know why um i don't know why god just kind of planted me in this vein to do what i do um some people get here and they do this kind of thing because they needed to succeed i was already a success i already had my life on point i'm a pastor pastor tremendous church i didn't need i didn't need a platform you know i didn't need popularity i didn't need these things like a lot of people do it wasn't about ambition it was really just god put this on my heart to speak into the lives of a generation or even generations of women the things that their fathers never did so that you would stop making the same mistakes that generations of women have made who've not been fathered who've not been taught as as we put it today the game because while while you as a woman while you're taking relationships and life and men and all of that stuff seriously the the harsh reality if i can just be honest with you is that 98 of these guys see it as a game and while your heart is completely and totally invested you're dealing with you're dealing with dudes who are cold as ice because they're not mature enough to really understand what's at stake now i don't want you all to um and this is not organized so allow me to just kind of rat i don't want you all to to to feel hopeless like all is lost because here's a hard truth and i'll get to i'll get to what i want to talk about here's a hard truth many of you say ain't no good men out here and the reality is it's not true it's just not the case the reality is thank you thank you the reality is you are not attracted to the good ones the good ones turn you off and fact about it i wish i was i wish i had the thing i'll i'll snap i'll take a snapshot of it and i'll show it to you one day a deer heart that follows me um got rid of a guy that uh abused her and got her mind right and went back to a place you know and looked at a guy that she had never been attracted to and all of a sudden she saw him differently when she got whole and healed she saw she saw the guy differently the guy had always been there but she was never attracted to him and now i think if i'm if i'm remembering it correctly now they're married so a lot of you who say there are no good men is that you keep fishing from the same pond expecting a different kind of uh catch and the ponds you pass by that you're not attracted to are the ponds where you should actually be fishing so we have to really work on getting you whole and healthy because sometimes you you may be your own worst problem but here's here's what i want to deal with you're never supposed to thank you so much you're never supposed to tolerate or continue not even a conversation with a man that uses language to shame you you're not supposed to continue showing up for a man that shames you who has who has any more of a past than a man you know who has any more of a past that they should be shame of than a man i'm sitting here as i'm a pastor i'm a pastor of pastors and i've shared a lot of my life with you all but there are parts of my life that i'm so it's just ridiculous that i when i think about i i went that low so when you get a man that is so calculated as to take your life and maybe some of the mistakes that he's been made privy to and use that to shame you you're dealing with a very diabolical individual that is very intentional because that's where that's where the game starts that's where the manipulation starts a man takes a woman now listen to this very carefully this is the stuff some of the stuff your daddy should have taught you a man takes a woman that's let's say she's a 10 since we since you know we y'all can see it that [ __ ] says she's a ten she's a nine she's an eight in reality on whoever scale i don't know who creates a scale but since y'all got this imaginary scale let's say she's a 10. he knows she's a 10. now watch this if he's a 10 of a man he's going to appreciate her but if he's uh a four or a five or three he is going to work overtime to diminish her self perspective because he knows that he does not qualify but she doesn't know it because society has trained her through media through uh print uh through every every every medium that this is the kind of guy you need he got to look a certain kind of way he got to have a certain swag he got to have x amount of dollars he got to be a difficult man to deal with he has to be um uh what's what's the word i'm looking for i can't i can't pull it up but he has to be a guy that it's unrealistic to think you're ever going to really lock this guy down you know that kind of guy if you from my era he has to be the shaft kind of guy the kind of man that you know in the course of an hour and a half movies sleep with five different women but that's the one you you want that's the one society says you need you see he got to drive a fast car and he has to be um i can't believe i can't pull the word up unattainable that's not actually the word actually the word i want but that's what societies condition you to believe you want and this guy is actually a three on the scale of manhood true manhood this guy is a three most of you all okay okay let me just say it most of you all have been conditioned to be attracted to threes and you're so blinded by the lies and the broken consciousness that you believe that the three is a ten while you have another guy that society says this guy is a three a four who's really a ten see because all that stuff y'all judging on now and i'm mixing all of this up because it's just something on my heart all that stuff y'all judging on now is not going to matter it's really not going to when when you get to midlife like me me and my little wife now we got together we was young you know what i mean she you know she was a 10 for real in every respect i was i was never 10 not according to the world standard but according to my standard i was a 20 and i think she was attracted to my confidence as a man thank you so much i was a 20 you know looked wise man i never did people always tried to figure out how does dude get this kind of this beautiful woman well it was because my wife did not judge me based on i was broke i was overweight but i had extreme confidence and i had a good heart did you hear what i just said i was broke i was overweight i had extreme confidence and i think she was attracted to that one moment i said to her i'm not i don't want to be married move on with your life i didn't say it like that i was very respectful but she did exactly that she started dating a wealthy guy in a fit guy she started dating a man that was a major league baseball player i'm sitting there looking at the dude on one of the uh world series things and then i woke up and realized man you missing your wife and i i called her and said you know xyz long story short she came on back well why did she come back it's because she was never she was never she was never judging me based on those external things that do not last she was judging me based on my safeness as a man based on uh my character and the way i treated her if she was judging me based on the stuff that y'all judge you know we wouldn't be married there's no way in the world she should have left that dude coming back to me i was broke and overweight thank you so much so you have to and i know i'm mixing it up because this is no art this is just something that's coming that's on my heart i'm just sharing my heart with you tonight because i'm feeling so i'm feeling some kind of way you have to judge are you really attracted to men because a man will never listen to me the true standard of a man he will never use his words to destroy or pull a woman down because a man understands watch this that really the whole kingdom is dependent on healthy queens so watch this even if he's not even if he's not interested if he knows he's not you know it's not going anywhere he will never shame you or belittle you or break you down he will never do it a man will never take your history he will never take your mistakes and throw them back in your face it's only little boys that fight with women thank you so much and what i'm discovering is i'm just got i just got to say it now i just got to say it i'm discovering that you're having a whole lot of men or so-called men that actually hate women and they convince you that you know i'm i'm what you need i'm what you're looking for i'm the standard and then you submit yourself to them and then they begin to run the game of destroying your self-consciousness emptying self-esteem and breaking you down intentionally and you keep showing up for it why would you show up why would you continue to reach out to a man that is constantly breaking you down on purpose every time you leave this man you feel shame why i know we you know a man should never put his hands on a woman under you know no circumstance unless she's trying to kill him and that's the only way he can save his life but apart from that you all many of you are signing up for dudes to just run you through with words that are sharp as knives and you're doing many times what is when what could be irreparable damage to your soul because you're sitting and you're listening you're listening to these these these dudes man and they just breaking you down and you you sitting there in all actuality if we if the skill were real you're sitting at a ten nine or eight and this dude is a three and he has convinced you that you are less than he is because god somehow engineered the woman because the woman is what she's the nurturer of the family so the woman has a natural um bent towards empathy and compassion the lord has it's like creators naturally engineered the woman in a way that you are extremely sensitive to the opinions of men especially if this may be the one you're going to build your legacy with and so you take these cats opinions very seriously like like like the husband of somebody and here's the reality and i talk about it all the time when when a man wants to manipulate your life and steer your life in the direction he wants your life to go in as a strong independent educated whatever kind of woman you want to call yourself the first thing he does is he begins to disapprove of you he'll slide into your life like he's prince charming like you know he's the best thing since sliced bread and then once you get it once he gets in there and you let those guards down especially especially especially if you go as far as to have sex with him see because when a woman has sex typically see a man can have sex and his heart can be completely closed and you know always was closed it was just for him to just exercise but typically typically now we have a broken generation of women that's changing this a little bit typically when a woman has sex it means that her heart is open so once he knows that your heart is open now he begins to shoot darts of disapproval because the way he manipulates you is to put you on the approval treadmill i call it the approval trap where now you live your life for the approval of the man that disapproved of you and made you think differently about yourself i'm seeing this happen i'm watching this happen i'm watching this happen and there are too many of you all that keeps showing up for this and you're not judging these guys you're not judging their character you're just looking at what they drive quite honestly i mean i'm 56 years old so i know this may be a different generation and maybe i'm just clueless but quite honestly what i what i what i know about life is that a man that really has money doesn't lead with it he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't try to impress you with his money or his things he's not flaunting that stuff usually when a man is flaunting things he's trying to trap a gullible woman who's not queen conscious and who probably has not had thank you so much who's probably not had a father-daughter talk so she's not hip to the game and he knows the way to get her is to um impressive with these things that society says this makes for the kind of man you want and then once he gets you then he begins to erode your soul intentional intentionally hurtful demeaning words so watch this you have to start with your standards you have to start with your standards thank you so much you have to start with your standards you keep showing up for that you keep responding responding to that keep falling for that you you're just gonna continue to fall for that you're gonna continue to show up for that you're going to continue to allow and some people get upset with me when i use language like i'm preaching you there's some things i got to say for the the purpose of driving my point home some people don't get it everybody's just so overly religious and just you know you just just it's just take everything and just stretch it all out of proportion you miss the point you're gonna allow an inferior to manipulate you you got to stop showing up for it you got to do better and i'll be quite honest with you and this may just be a mass counseling session here it starts with you breaking your addiction to relationships and non-ordained sex if if if we can get you to commit to breaking your addiction to situationships we can't even call that relationships thank you so much and if we can get you to say god i need you to strengthen me and purge me so that i can step out of illicit sexual relationships and if i can get you to come back to self-discovery see because now another lie that they tell you is oh well you see a certain age in years over for you it's all over for you it's a lie that's a lie i i have a spiritual daughter i know she's my age at least lisa may know her exact age just got married i think last year for the first time she's in a she's in her 50s maybe maybe maybe 60 got married for the first time last year uh uh and y'all just got these people these people got you believing oh well you see you you this age and so now it's all over for you it's over it's over man listen number one as i always teach you if you commit yourself to self-development and if you live for the standard that you have in your own heart for you what happens is you become exactly what you what you need to attract thank you so much as opposed to sitting there wasting two decades looking at some imaginary clock and allowing all of these clowns to pour all of this trash into your mind so that you can't even see your own worth if you can't see your own worth you always sell yourself cheap thank you and they over it ain't over how you gonna tell me okay let me let me just give you some common sense here let me just run some common sense down to you now i'm 56 years old you know i know i'm i know i'm the kind of man i need a wife thank you so much god forbid something happened to my wife i'm looking for a wife and now and a grown man he ain't looking for i'm not looking for nobody in my children age i'm not looking for nobody in my children age i want somebody that that's along my way that can understand my language and like my music so you got dudes my age who's whose wives are passing on every day they're becoming widowed and so how you gonna tell me because you 50 years old you 60 years old that it's over for you when you got a whole new generation of men that's on the market but see when when when you are locked in on the idea you're gonna get one of these little children running around here flashing all these labels and all of this stuff well you not of a mindset to track that see you never thought about it like that you got dudes my age whose wives are passing on every day and they still they out here looking for wives they just can't find a healthy woman who's not been impacted by toxic masculinity misogyny and then watch this you preoccupied with clowns so when the real dude passed by you're not available you never available and then you say ain't no good men out here and it ain't true it ain't true you got to get yourself together and i see y'all like me to just talk nice and sweet to you but the reality is you got to get yourself together you got to stop looking outside and trying to reach all of these old folk false pseudo standards of beauty and and whatever whatever whatever and you got to go inside and you have to figure out who am i what's the best version of me and you got to begin to perfect your life to that standard and you know what when you go inside and you begin to perfect your life to the standard that you have on the inside of your own heart you're going to be too preoccupied with self-development to be sitting around here worrying about you know am i going to get married this year is is a man available they say there ain't no more men around here come on now come on now and then you gotta go back to your the reality of what you what you view as a man because quite honestly what y'all calling a man ain't no man y'all talking about that's clowns that's children it's little boys that's that's that's that's mid middle-aged men many times having um mid-life crisis and behaving like little adult pubescent adolescent boys so i can't blame them because if you let them play if you let them continue to play the same game on you see it's a different story if you jus you 18 years old you just on the college campus and somebody run this game on you but 18 20 30 48 you still allowing the same game well at a certain point you moved from victim status to volunteer and and that could be because nobody's really set you down to have this conversation with you to tell you what's really going on but in in the back of your mind you know what was going on but you allow this damage to continue to happen to your soul and then at a certain point it almost becomes impossible for you to see yourself the way you need to see yourself to demand your price okay here's another one well you know you're certain you're you're certain dress size hey let me tell you something i'm 56 years i'm a 56 year old and um i've lived a little little life i promise you i have one of the biggest lies told one of the biggest lies told thank you is that a plus-sized woman is not attractive to a certain kind of man i have some dudes that are six and seven figure guys well-known who don't want anything but a plus-sized woman if they wife were to lose weight they would have a fit and and here's another lie that your dress size is an indication of your fitness all of us should strive to be fit i'm strapped i'm trying to get there i'm trying i'm really trying to get there but there are a whole lot of women who wear size this size that size that who are fit and then you got some women who wearing a 2 3 4 5 and they are not fit so see these are lies that you have bought into that serve to keep you in bondage and now here's let me let me wrap this up now and so here here's what happens let me calm down i thought i had some water in here but i don't here's what happens you endure years and years and years of this abuse and this intentional rejection and what happens is it begins to have an impact on your soul and you you you know you be you what's happening is your spirit is broken and you're hurt and then society takes your hurt that begins to show up on your countenance show up in your behavior society takes your hurt and your society defines your your hurt as anger she's an angry woman it used to be just she's an angry black woman now they got the angry white woman they got the she's angry the reality is that's that's psychology no no she's reacting to the abuse that she's endured for so many years and and the pain you see but now you it's time for you to put yourself in a place where you can heal because that that that pain is showing up in in the way you uh deal with good guys so now a good man shows up in your life and he get in the scowl now you know you because you don't trust because and you don't trust because you've been constantly disappointed and you've been constantly disappointed because you keep submitting and surrendering yourself over to the wrong kind of man see you you need a man that's going to love you not a man that's judging you not a man that's measuring you up um you know to to this or to that man that loves you and then you give that man the best version of you and he gives you the best version of him that's how you create a power couple all of this old fake materialistic and um you know surface level interaction that's for children that's for children you need somebody that feels you from the inside out and together you all create a life that you could have never had separately but you got both of y'all got to be healthy and it starts with you because the right kind of man is searching for a woman that's healthy enough how does he know you're healthy enough he knows you're healthy enough when you're so consumed with purpose that you're not sitting around just surfing on the uh you know the instagram or the facebook all day looking for a man he knows that you're healthy enough when you're perfectly content see if you're not perfectly content within yourself and within your own world you ain't ready for nobody else i couldn't there's no way in the world okay let me give you let me give you a real life example that some of you all may be able to get there's no way in the world if something were to happen to my wife that i could have a woman in my life that would be so needy and so uh consumed with me not having her own life her own pursuits there's no way i don't have the time for that i don't have the time for that i i got to have a woman that that's doing her own thing smart enough sharp enough to step into my situation help me out because i ain't that bright all the time and is secure enough in herself that she can let me interact with the world and i you know and and and she not have no issues with that well you you don't get that kind of woman you know when you when you start dealing with a woman that's um that needs a man to bring fulfillment to a life no man kind of man you're looking for he he he don't want that so you got some work to do and it starts with you got to stop allowing these clowns to talk to you any kind of way and that don't mean you kick your shoes off and like a fool in the street that means you block people you delete people you move on from people when you hear that stuff coming out their mouth and that means you have to recondition your soul that that stuff does not stick you cannot internalize these lies anymore that means you have to be you must begin to talk to yourself you got to read the kind of books that build you up you got to start setting your goals and reaching for your own goals so you can have self-esteem from within not needing any cheerleaders on the outside to say you're doing a great job that means setting your own fitness goals don't let no man come in your life and tell you this is what you got to be no no no you find your own fitness goals where are you comfortable where are you happy where where do you need to get to make certain that you feel good about yourself in the morning and if if homeboy don't if you if he ain't digging it that's all right we all got all right i'm done that's all i wanted to say that's all i wanted to say i love you i love you all really do and hey i guess you all don't like me i ain't got my 471 thumbs so i guess i ain't got no who i don't think i have a great approval rating on this one tonight but i love you all and seriously that's from my heart and i hope you don't take my energy the wrong way you know i'm just i'm just trying to help honestly that's all i'm doing i'm just trying to help that's all i'm doing i'm just trying to help i'm just trying to help i love you all thank you so much thank you so much i'll talk to you all soon maybe even tomorrow because this was impromptu i'll talk to you all soon maybe we'll go further into it i love you have a great night now talk to you real soon thank you

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 340,092

Rating: 4.9553413 out of 5

Keywords: Dating Advice, Relationships, Christian, Narcissist

Id: mvMm-PHM0MA

Length: 34min 46sec (2086 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 09 2020