THAT’S NOT LOVE- False & Toxic Concepts of Love by RC BLAKES

good evening good evening everybody I hope everybody is doing well I am RC Blake's if this is your first time checking out my channel I am a man I'm a pastor I'm an author and I'm a student of life and I love talking about things relative to to life and to people and so I have a few minutes tonight that I want to just kind of share I don't really have a regular schedule on here I kind of do it when I have the time to do it and so tonight I just felt compelled to talk about this subject that's not love that's not love that is not love and if I if I get a little animated it's just because I'm passionate and I really care I get I get a lot of get a lot of conversation in airports I get a lot of conversation relative to email at church whatever letters in the mail snail mail about people that you know are physically abusive emotionally abusive financially abusive disrespectful and then at the at the end of the discourse the the victim is saying but I love him or I love her I know they love me they just need to change they just need to grow if they could only talk to you if I could set up something for them to talk to you things would be better let me tell you something that's not love and there's no sense in you wasting your time and mine because if their creator cannot change their heart if they mama can't change their heart you can't change it and I don't have time to try to work on it that's not love I want to look at some toxic concepts some false toxic concepts of love and why is it that we fall into these modes where thank you for the likes thank you for posting that I need as many likes as I can get I want my channel to grow so that I can impact more people and do more it's just good common sense isn't it the reasoning behind our having these false attachments that we call love these toxic self-destructive attachments that we call love I was just sitting and pondering and these are just thoughts I have that I jotted down so that I could talk to you about it tonight but when I thought about it false concepts of love are probably the greatest detriment to human relationships it's it's the false concepts of love that open us up to people like the narcissist it's the false concepts of love that make us gullible for users and abusers these false concepts of love when when a child you know when a child in particularly a daughter and this is a firm belief of mine I have three daughters and I've written a book the father-daughter talk and that that book was written out of the revelation that I got that when a when a girl does not have the sufficient affirmation from a father and the attention from a father the the the innocent affections of a father what happens is she grows up she becomes a young woman and she's searching for that affection she's searching for that affirmation and what happens is the world teaches her now she needs the this is a need in the young girl this is a need in her and when her father has not fulfilled that need either he was physically absent just was not a part of her life or he was physically present financially present but just did not have the intelligence the relational intelligence to understand how much his daughter needed his emotional deposit and so he did the best he could do he did what they taught him and they taught most men the boys are your job the girls are Mama's job and so most fathers with their daughters just kind of pay the bills hang around make certain that you physically protected and that you're provided for and never really provide the affirmation that a young girl needs but it's a need and so when she comes of age and she becomes a young woman she is searching for the affirmation and she's searching for the affections that she should have gotten from her father but she's searching for it now in the arms in the eyes and the grasp of men and most of these men that she would meet in life only serve to pervert her and so she's trained watch this that love is sex that love is abuse that love you know so forth and so on and so she begins to develop these false concepts and even a young man you know when you think about a young man whose father's not present you know and when I start when I really start to look at this I begin to realize that the presence of a father the presence of a healthy father in the lives of children male and female alike is more important than we realize because even the sons the sons develop their concept of love based on the example laid down by their fathers either the good example or the bad example or the non example if the father's not present to give the son a positive and healthy and biblical example of what love is the son din takes is what cues from the world if the father's present and the father is not loving the mother properly the father's an abuser a cheater a liar so forth and so on the son simply becomes what he's seen but when the father's present and the father is sufficiently and positively and effectively loving the mother the son now has a point of reference that even if he enters into the world and he follows another path in the back of his mind he realizes that he's a hypocrite because this was not what he learned about manhood and how men are to love so when I think about it you know our presence as men as dudes as Kings is is not only vital to the to the elevation of our young Queens Thank You Pamela but our presence as Kings is as is as much vital to the development of our young kings there's there's a heavy weight and responsibility on our shoulders as men so when a child has either not had an example of paternal acceptance and affection what happens is it distorts the judgment in adulthood and so now you grow up and you develop all of these false self-defeating self-degrading concepts of what love is and there are three three four things that I want to mention tonight number one when you find yourself caught up in something like this number one many times it's simply a trauma bond it's not love you know how can you how can you tell me that you this is a love bee to you in this person that physically abuses you that disrespects this honors humiliates you bankrupt you drags you through the street talked I mean how can you call this love it's not love in a lot of cases it's a trauma bond and a trauma bond or traumatic bonding occurs listen to this as the result of ongoing cycles Queen know who I am thank you traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and Punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change now what what did what does that mean all of that that I just read what it means is when you are in a situation ship with a professional abuser that abuser will abuse you and hurt you and hurt you and hurt you and just about the time you get to the point that you you're at your breaking point are you about to check out on this thing they will switch the game and they'll be everything you desire they'll be your knight in shining armor there'll be your dream girl they they will abuse abuse abuse abuse abuse in just about the time you're getting ready to break they will become the ideal mate and this cycle continues and it continues and it continues and what it what it what it does is it creates what is called a trauma bond you're bound to this person because some of I think some of the psyche that that is working against your your own freedom is you're thinking that okay number one you lose a lot of years in this kind of relationship and so one of the things that works in in the back of the mind of a person who's caught up in this kind of situation is I've given so many years that is when I started this I was young now I have gray hair when I started this I you know 30 pounds lighter you know now I'm heavier and and so you put so much time in and you keep wishing upon a star and it's like you know maybe this is the time that that that he apologizes and it's for real because I know I know he has to really love me why would he spend this much time with me it's because many times he can spend this time with you he can use your money he can go all up all about the neighborhood and use other people too and I got all the y'all caught up in a trauma bond and the Bible puts it this way in Proverbs 13 and 12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick but when the desire is fulfilled it is a tree of life when a person or when the person is denied the trauma breaks the heart when when when a person is hoping and wishing and wishing and wishing and wishing and saying you know we could have such a great thing and they're constantly denied the kind of relationship they they no one believed they they could have or think they believed they could have with this person it breaks the heart when they are reinforced with you know good treatment at certain points it breathes life into the bond and then the cycle starts again ah thank you so much thank you so much Donny ah Danny I hope I'm saying it right he says Hope deferred makes the heart sick I when I when I withhold from you what you really desire in this relationship it makes your heart sick it makes your soul sick but when the desires fulfilled when I give you a little bit of what you think you want it's a tree of life and and and in this case it's breathing life into the bond it's it's a false fruit that this person produces from time to time just to keep you what attached so it's not love it's a trauma bond and some of you that are watching me right now you have been through this cycle over and over again over and over again constantly this person is abusing you and then just about time you're ready to walk out the door they become just you know I just love you so much in you know they become just the ideal and now oh yeah yeah number two so that's not love what I just mentioned it that's not love number two second reason that we engage in these false toxic concepts of love is because of the fear of individuality we don't want to be alone one of the greatest fears known to man is the fear of being alone we don't want to be alone and when you think about it how how sick our society is we sexualize children entirely too early you know when you start looking at the way the clothes they're making for young kids now adolescent kids 10 11 12 years old I mean it's like grown woman stuff you know the stuff they that we have on television are sexualized way too early so they're they're they're engaging in these what I consider to be inappropriate romantic relationships with other young kids you know way too early and so they never really there their brains never formulate individuality we are conditioned from little kids to be joined to someone before we ever really figure out who we are and society reinforces this message that if you don't have somebody something wrong with you to the point that little kids in school you know in fifth sixth grade talk about who you going with who's your boyfriend who's your girlfriend you ain't got no boyfriend you ain't got no girl so so this can't the concept of individuality figuring out myself figuring out who I am what my dreams are you know what my goals are you know all of that stuff is out of the window because we society has pushed us into a people who must be joined to someone to feel like we're valuable and so there's this you know tremendous fear of being an individual and the idea of you know like some of you watching me right now you have not had an extended period of a long time since you were a young teenager some of you younger than that you have been connected to somebody romantically sexually since you were a very young person and now some of you are in your 30s your forties in your fifties and you can't really recall a season in your life where you had six months to a year by yourself you even fill those spaces with people that you knew are not any good for your life but you'd rather be with the wrong person than to be by yourself you'd rather be miserable with the wrong person than to learn to be happy by yourself as an individual and and that is the drive that is a driving force behind why we engage in these false toxic concepts of love and we we promote it amongst our friends and in our circle like we have just the greatest thing since ice cream and the reality is you know that this is this is garbage you got here you know this is garbage the way this this dude is talking to you you know this is garbage you know but but you you are so afraid your your your consciousness is so broken you cannot imagine making up and not being attached you just cannot imagine going to your Facebook page and putting on your status single you've got to have in a relationship or are you you know best you're gonna do it it's complicated you you you do not want to have to put up on your Facebook profile that you are single that is a curse word nobody wants to be single nobody wants to be an individual and so quite often you're attached to a person because you're afraid to be alone it's not love it's the fear of individuality it's the fear of not fitting in it's the fear of being viewed by society as a misfit because anybody that's an individual today is a misfit especially if you a woman and you don't have a man you are a misfit if you're dude and you don't have a woman and you really engaged in you know your self-discovery your relationship with God and the you know the elevation of your career and you you constantly that's what you tell me and people keep asking you well who you going out with who you're dating you're not sleeping around with people you say nobody eventually they're gonna call you a homosexual that's how sick this society is if a man is engaged in self-discovery loves God and is working on building his business and/or his brand thank you so much the world is going to call him eventually the world is gonna call him a homosexual right that's just the truth because the world found zone individuality if you a woman and you don't have a man she must be she must be a lesbian she ain't got no man she ain't got no ma'am if discover you don't you're not a lesbian something must be wrong with her something must be wrong with her and so for fear of being labeled fear of not fitting in you stick with something that you know you know in your soul is not healthy and is not right and is beneath you but you dare not adjust or readjust your life in a fashion that goes against the norm you're living for that you're living for society you live in for society you're not even living for you you just keep people around you hold on to stuff that you should have been trashed because Society says without a relationship as a woman you you you you're devalued and the Bible says in Romans 12 and 2 and this is the message Bible Version it says don't become so well adjusted to your culture you're doing it for the culture you you you you mean you're maintaining a ridiculous situation ship that's breaking you on every side you're doing it for the culture but the Bible says don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking instead fix your attention on God you'll be changed from the inside out readily recognize what he wants from you and quickly respond to it unlike the culture around you always dragging you down to its level of immaturity God brings the best out of you develops well-formed maturity in you you've got to stop living your life trying to conform to the world and be transformed by the renewing of your mind and when your mind gets renewed it brings you into what individuality Nietzsche says this the individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe the individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe if you try if you try it you will be lonely often and sometimes frightened but no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself that's Nietzsche so some of y'all stuck in these these you know these situations with these people that should have never even been able to get a conversation with you that's how beneath you they are and some folk don't like me talking like that but that's just the way I feel like saying it that's how beneath you they are they should have never even gotten the conversation with you and now you've let them in your life and now you holding onto them because you don't know how to be by yourself this is a great time to learn this is a great time to learn how to be by yourself in watch this not only how to be by yourself but how to be happy by yourself how to be fulfilled by yourself because what you got going on now that ain't love that ain't love you fooling yourself that ain't love but this stuff you carrying on there's people you got sleeping up in your house that ain't love that's just fear of individuality that's a trauma bond that's what you working with and then number three third third thing that keeps us attached to toxic dysfunctional concepts of love and I'm just about done if you all can share this share it those of you who've not got about 700 people in here I got 200 likes I need I need y'all to push that up for me it makes my videos trend better number three attachment to the familiar you're calling it love but the reality is that you're just attached to what you're familiar with you've been engaged with this so long this has just become a bad habit it's what you're familiar with it's far less than you deserve but it's what you're familiar with and so rather than you know why try something new even though what I what I'm working with is not satisfying me in that in that strange why should I try something new even though I'm not fulfilled I'm miserable and what I got but it's better than nothing and at least I know Lisa know this you know situation here when this function has been the only norm perceived alternatives are difficult see it's difficult for you to perceive that the relationships the few relationships you may see that a healthy and wholesome and productive can be yours because all you've ever known was having a man that don't want work having a man that doesn't even have a decent conversation can even you can't even discuss your career thoughts and challenges and moves you just all you got is a body in the bed that's all you got you don't have no brains you don't have a paycheck he ain't got no God in him he can't even help you or you can flip that coin you the dude and you got you got this woman there but this is all you've ever known she ain't got no conversation there's nothing worse than to have a man who's a visionary with a woman that can't he can't even hold a conversation where she is popping gum and you know painting her nails a different color every other day and changing I had a colorful times a week and all this kind of stuff and you sitting there you just did you can't you came bring her to your office party she can't represent you she you know you can't bring out a church with you she don't know how to be hey I mean but you stick with this because you have an attachment to the familiar and so you haven't really figured out how to do your life without this you know situation it's like you know it's not good for you but there's a part of you the Apostle Paul's the Apostle Paul said when I would do good evil is present when the tough stuff I want to do I don't do the stuff I don't want to do the stuff I'm doing the mind when the mind gets poisoned when toxins into the soul it confuses the life in ways that are just simply unbelievable but when you when you have an attachment to the familiar it's like a gravitational pull that when you would go in you know a healthy direction it pulls you back into what is familiar even when what familiar what is familiar has never proved or proven to be healthy or productive and I was thinking about this and I thought about the children of Israel how God pulled them out of slavery and God was delivering them bringing them through the promised land bringing them bringing them through the wilderness to the promised land and when they got there they realized that they had struggles they had to you know they had a fight on their hands to to become the Kings that God ordained them to be but when they got out there they were so familiar with slavery that they begged to go back to slavery because it was familiar and in numbers 14 3 and 4 says and wherefore hath the Lord brought us unto this land to fall by the sword the in the promised land but they like you know we we ready for this that our wives and our children should be a prey were it not better for us to return into Egypt and they said one to another let us make a captain and let us to return into Egypt they wanted to leave from bossing in their own land to go back to the familiarity of being a slave in Pharaoh's land and see that's where some of you are you just have an attachment to the familiar tale of any love you just have an attachment to the familiar in a love and and in some cases you have such a strong attachment to the familiar that God will bring the right kind of person that will honor you into your life into your circle into your world and you know what you will do you will sabotage you just to get back to the familiar because after all you've ever known was being a slave all you've ever known was you know being a sidechick all you've ever known was being a woman that's constantly promised we're gonna bring it to the next level giving out all of these husband privileges to a boyfriend not even a man friend a boyfriend that's all you've ever known so man coming to your world and say hey I won't honey I'm ready to buy ring set a dateless I want I'm ready to make you your wife material I already see it you sabotage that something strange about him then make your way right on back to this clown that's gonna continue to abuse you and use up all your best years because that's what you familiar with you you attach to the familiar that's why your mama can't talk you out of it that's why your best friends can't you didn't cut all people that you need in your life trying to hold on to this joke of a relationship I just feel like talking like this tonight I tried to be a little more dignified and a little more you know but I just feel like talk you you you you you you have cut off people that you need holding on to a joke of a relationship you got a clown of a man you parading up and down the street to my my man your man don't have a job your man don't have don't have no he'll even have a credit score so low he ain't got no scope does he in the system but you attach to the what familiarity Thank You Sabrina so I can you know you you you see then you watch all my videos and you watch all this stuff I say you go back and look at some of them old videos where I was really out the box because when I when I did those videos I was basically talking to the women of my church and I was talking to them like a faster word talk to his members you making a fool out yourself but you don't change you you watch all this you don't change you won't send me all these long emails but you don't want change because you have an attachment to familiar even if the familiar is a dog and then you let this dog use up 10 15 20 years of your life then you want to become bitter and then get on here and say all men are dogs why are you watching me if all men are dogs I remember not no dogs you just familiar with dogs and you have an attachment to your familiarity focus it don't call me no dog I'm not no dog Thank You Tasha and you won't blame the world so you make all of these old crazy wild bogus decisions about this old you know trash of a so-called relationship and then you want to thank your larita then you want to blame the world for your decisions and you won't keep sitting listening to me crying and all this but you don't wanna make no changes than you some I I love him I love him what's wrong with your brain to even open your mouth and say you love somebody that treats you like these like this person treats you you need to stop saying I love this you shouldn't say something wrong with me I need to go get some help because of some reason I'm I'm bound to this individual and and I don't I don't understand but don't say I love something you look ok you don't look right but you it's not love it's an attachment to the familiar calm down on our scene calm down oh lord have mercy and number four and I'm how I'm how I know some of y'all thank all of y'all for that that are contributing I never asked for that so it's always like you know overwhelming when I see y'all doing that cuz I've never asked for it and I really you know thank you number number four you got a soul time thank you gotta sold I love me you got a soul time and in a so time is basically it is what so tires are so time is another person it's a demonic attachment to another person that allows that person usually through usually but not exclusively through but usually through sexual relationships illicit sexual relations that have nothing to do with covenant it allows this person to reach into your spirit and steer your life at will you can say I'm done I'm finished they know they can put up a post of a certain picture on Facebook and they know by 10:30 10:45 eleven o'clock at the latest you gonna be calling because you got a soul time you calling it love love does not manipulate and control love does not move you in a direction that is unhealthy for you love does not move you in a direction that disagrees with your spiritual biblical principles love doesn't do that Thank You Pauline love them do that and any love you got be it's the soul time you got yourself a soul time you got yourself a soul time you know how you just got this is these people running in and out your house you babies in your house and you you got you got people running in your house doing things with your children up in the house that's the sole time you know how you know how a person can go and have somebody else and be all over social media not even not even doing a good job of trying to hide it from you be all over social media and come blowing your ear and tell you something and they know they're gonna get you to hang in there and stick right there with them you ain't going nowhere and you keep saying you can sit for 25 times Thank You Pauline you've said 25 times you do it again you do it again they laugh at you not because you got a soul time and see demonic men as well as women creates so ties with you intentionally and you don't even realize what's going on that's really the game and see you got women stringing dudes up now you got dudes strung out by some rough women out here now women to learn the game and they using the game on do gets get your nose all wide open and you know you just like you just like a puppet got your soul time and the Bible says in Proverbs 7 I got to go y'all 21 through 23 says with her much fast speech she caused him to yield read the full context read the whole story in Proverbs there this is a woman who seduced a man and the Bible says which are much fast beat caused them to yield with the flattering of her lips she forced him mm-hmm he goes after her straightway he got a soul tie now as an ox goeth to the slaughter or as a fool to the correction of the stalks till a dart strike through his liver as a bird he stood to the snare and nor that knoweth not that it is for his life got a soul time and he running behind this woman not understanding that this is gonna cost him his life and see this stuff you call love that love it's the sole time you dealing with a soul Tybee and I know your next question I'll get rid of it I got a whole playlist on YouTube about soul tides I wrote a whole book about it you need to read it I can't tell you how to get rid of it now one thing I will tell you is that you gonna have to put some you go will have to create is that you you keeping your you can't keep them in your bed and get them out your head well I'm spitting balls tonight you can't keep them in your bed and get them out your head you can't keep them in your bed and get them out your head yeah bottom line and it ain't no it ain't no methadone to break to kick this habit you got to go cold turkey and you know what happens when you make up your mind that you're gonna get this so ty relationship out of your life you know what happens God steps into the situation and he gives you the power to do what you could not do on your own the only reason God hadn't gotten involved at this point is because you have not been serious yet you keep on playing in and out in and out you ain't serious about nothing when you make up your mind that I'm gonna get my life together and I'm not gonna be sitting around here allowing somebody that should have never even had a conversation with me to ruin the rest of my life and I am NOT gonna be sitting up in here like somebody strung out on crack over a man that don't even have a job over okay I got to go I love y'all thank you all for giving me your time tonight thank you all cuz I feel myself going there I got to leave it alone now trying to be a little more ya polite in my approaching son trying to be a little more sophisticated and not used as much of the Fievel for the the New Orleans approach to things but you see in New Orleans there's a certain way you got to talk to a certain kind of people and so I had to realize that I'm talking to the world and that everybody don't do you know some people get a little nervous when you raise your boys but you get the point father I thank you for this time tonight that I've had with you people I pray with all of my heart that you will allow this message to resonate Wow allow this message to resonate allow lives to be changed and minds to be shifted in Jesus's name Amen listen don't forget to go by Amazon pick up my books getting ready to well just finished King ology the male companion to queen ology and getting ready to drop that for presale I was supposed to do it this week but some things held up but it'll be dropping any day now for pre-sale and it'll be a great aid for those of you even single mothers who have young sons whose fathers are not present it'll be a great it'll be a great companion it'll be a great addition to whatever you're using to raise your boys also I hope you've heard that we are not coming to London on March the 27th we're postponing it I do that all of this coronavirus that's happening at this time presently at the filming of this this is what 2020 but I do plan on that my prayer is that God will clear this up and that we can revisit London this summer those of you that registered you you should have something in your email for a complete refund for your registration fee if not just reach out to Lisa and I had passed the RFC Blake's at gmail.com also those of you who may be struggling with issues you know I see all the time that I'm not a counselor and that's important to me because I see so many people on social media and on YouTube who offered you know their services as counselors and they don't have any credentials and that that that that troubles me that bothers me for you know I think it's um I think it's a lack of integrity to offer yourself and charge people to counsel them and you have no credentials and you're not honest about it you know I'm not a counsel I'm a pastor and I'm a man and I have I have ideas about life and my ideas are usually biblically based but I'm not a I'm not personally a licensed counselor and some of you need licensed counselors you need more than just biblical counseling so if you're if you're that person you'll see in the description a link to a group called better help and this is a group that has been vetted I think it's the largest online counseling service in the world if I'm not mistaken and you you pretty much you have you'll have a counselor available a licensed counselor or therapist available 24 hours a day so whenever you need that conversation they'll be there and I've gotten some great reports from some who have tried them and if you're there and you're saying I just need somebody to talk to but I can't go to a physical location this may be perfect for you so you know just hit the link and look at it and if it's something that works for you praise God well I love you all somebody said you have the gift of counselor ship I believe that but it would be it would be what be a lack of integrity to promote myself as that and then another thing even if I did have the credentials I don't always have the time to be able to do justice you know so that's why I was glad you've never seen me partner with anybody you know a lot of people have over the years come see what we'd like to partner with you you know but none of it resonated none of ate it my mission but when when these people came I said oh this is perfect because a lot of the people that I talked to need counseling and I can't always provide it so yeah that's that's why so the link is in the description I don't think there's anything else I'm sure there are a lot of things we could talk about those of you who have not checked out my online programs transcending the father womb for those of you who are struggling with you know having grown up without your father's presence physically or emotionally transcending the father won't be a great program online program for you queen ology speaks for itself and then we have wisdom for women in ministry as a program a sister's winning in ministry three online programs that i've done go to RSC Blake's comm look under online programs and you can kind of see and although all of my programs are really nothing quite honestly cause nothing when you start looking at what other people charge for stuff like that absolutely nothing so I love you I'm out of here I got a goal but I love you all praying for you and give me some old thumbs and share this if you don't mind god bless you I love you all have a great one

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 481,511

Keywords: Dating Advice, Relationships, Christian, Narcissist, RC Blakes, Toxic love

Id: V0DSkHjQelI

Length: 45min 16sec (2716 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 09 2020