HEALTHY MEN - BROKEN MEN & TOXIC MEN by RC Blakes

good evening good evening good evening how's everybody doing let me adjust something this light is a little too bright for me let's see if we can straighten that out how's everybody doing how's everybody doing uh if you can invite some people to come in here tonight can you hear me is my signal good before i get started is my signal good can you hear me all right let's see let's see is my signal good i don't see any comments i don't see any comments where are my comments at okay here we go all is well yes can hear you okay good good good good good how's everybody doing i hope you're doing well tonight um got a good subject matter to discuss tonight if you know some brothers you can invite them to come in as well i think is going to be enlightening for really for everybody i was uh doing a um what is it instagram i think it was it was doing instagram yesterday a day before forget and i started talking about as i was walking i started talking about three kinds of men a healthy man a broken man [Music] and the toxic man and um i don't know i was just kind of inspired on the moment to really do it and um so i thought to just kind of dive a little deeper into this because i think it's important for us to know the difference and see all of this um goes back to what i try to teach what i try to get you to understand when i say you i'm specifically talking to females you gotta get beyond the wrapping and you have to really get to the content of a man because a lot of you that are just picking up beautifully wrapped packages on the side of the road and then when you get it home and you finally unpack it after you've brought it into your life you discover that you you had you you picked up a box of rattlesnakes you have to kind of you know bring a cerebral process to your um relationship process and figure some things out about a man and some things that we're going to say tonight that i want i really want brothers to hear because i've had to as a man thank you all for sharing thank you all for uh sowing into my life i've had to really stop and do some real real deep introspection as a man you know because i i found myself um really becoming a toxic kind of guy teetering you know teetering between broken and toxic and it took the spirit of god to really arrest me and to bring me to myself and to bring me into a place as a man bring me into a place of repentance and repentance is what more than just being sorry about uh something you've done repentance is actually taking the initiative to get up and turn around and go and go in the opposite direction and so because i've been there and i've done this you know what i mean i can teach this with with passion with clarity with integrity because i'm not that guy anymore that's why i push back when i hear you all say that no good men uh man can't change um a man can change but you can't change him i'll say that again because some of you all need to hear that a man can change but you you can't change him it takes it really takes the will of the man and it takes god in the man to empower the man to change now i'll say this as well if a man has the right heart you know if he has the right heart if he's just a broken guy and i don't want to get ahead of myself and he has the right heart to watch you and towards god the right woman will motivate a man to want to change the right woman will motivate a man to want to change but the woman can't sit there and feel like i can change you nor should you nor should a woman put her life on hold thinking that you know i'm going to change him eventually no that that it may happen you know you're not going to change him he may change but it won't be because you did something but then again he may not change and is it wise for any of us to put our lives on hold um you know waiting for another person to do something that's clearly in their power you know um going back to my story relative to lisa and i lisa loved me but she didn't put her life on hold for me she moved on and when she moved on i had a real come to jesus moment and i had to recognize some things and then god and i got together and i changed but she didn't sit around waiting to change me that's a that's a massive mistake because life is precious life is precious time is precious and there's nobody you know walking on the planet that deserves you sacrificing your life for them in hopes that they do right by you eventually wouldn't be smart so these three men a healthy man a broken man and a toxic man that's what we're going to look at tonight call somebody tweet somebody tell them to come into this discussion tonight i think this is going to really be good now um here's the first thing i jotted down these are just some thoughts i i had just kind of jot it down so it's not like a structured lesson these are just thoughts that i'm going to share with you tonight a healthy man a healthy man and i'm gonna define what a healthy man looks like for you in just a minute but a healthy man is usually created by parenting usually created by parenting a healthy man is either created by parenting or divine intervention either he was raised right or he had some kind of encounter with god that adjusted his life to make him a healthy man a broken man a healthy man is usually created by parenting or divine intervention parents either raised him right he had great example in front of him or he had if he didn't have those things he had some kind of divine intervention that god really stepped into his life and shifted him and shook him back into place now a broken man is usually produced by a lack of parenting usually a broken man is produced by an absent father or a father that's present that's a horrible example he's either a broken man is produced by a lack of parenting and or a bad relationship because the thing we don't talk about because it happens more to women than it does men the thing we don't talk about is that there are women who actually break men they're women who actually break men you have a man that really has the right heart he ain't got no game in him you know he's really in it to win it he really gives his heart to woman and then she plays him and she sleeps around on him or she goes off with somebody else and now you've taken a good man and you've broken him and now you you've turned him bad that happens more more times than we like to talk about so a broken man is produced by a lack of parenting or bad relationships or he's produced by social conditioning in other words he grows up in in society uh he grows up in the barber shop now i know all barber shops are not created equal so this is not just a you know a slant on all barber shops because some barbershops have a standard depending on the owner but there's some there are a lot of barbershops especially in the black community i can't speak for any other community but in the black community barbershops aware we get misogynistic um uh narcissistic training it's where we learn the game and in the barbershop and so guys are broken either by lack of parenting bad relational experience and then coupled with the the you know the kind of indoctrination that uh men typically get in society you know you don't have to go far you can just kind of search through the internet you can hear guys talking about how to you know how to play a woman how to move into a woman's house or one guy talking about how to move into a woman's house and never leave and all this kind of stuff well you know that broken men tend to train one another but the beauty of the beauty about a broken man is that a broken man can be fixed i was a broken man you know i was broken not because i had a lack of parenting uh not even because i had bad relationships i was i was broken because i just kind of grew up too fast you know really a lot of a lot of my issues were self-inflicted wounds um well not all of it because i was sexualized by all the women early very early in my life which put me like 15 20 years ahead of all of the young girls that were my age which made me a terror and society says oh you're the man you young and you doing this you're the man so i really thought i had it going on and so now i become a teenage father early and all of this kind of stuff and so you know trying to process trying to figure out what what what manhood and life really was about um became a challenge for me so the healthy man is usually created by by good parenting a broken man is produced usually by a lack of parenting bad relational experiences and uh poor social conditioning but then a toxic man is manufactured under the pressure of um really i believe demonic influence demonic influence social conditioning and chronic low self-esteem the toxic man there's a difference and i'm going to show you the difference between a a healthy man a broken man and a toxic man sometimes you're dealing with a broken man and you're calling him a toxic man he's you know he he he's he's teetering but you know when you start talking about a true toxic man here's a man that's been raised by the streets here's a man that is demonized for those of you that subscribe to spirituality and here's a man that has low self-esteem now the the strange thing about the toxic guy is that he has the lowest self-esteem but he portrays as though he presents himself into you know onto the world uh in social media in circles he presents himself as though he has all of the confidence in the world and the reality is that he has the lowest of self-esteem so let's let's jump in number one a healthy man a healthy man is a man that is fully established listen to this very carefully a healthy man is a man that is fully established in his masculine energy and he rejects misogynistic and toxic concepts of manhood he rejects it he rejects the idea that a woman is property he rejects the idea that just because he has male genitalia it makes him uh superior to the woman he he rejects the idea that because you know he brings the paycheck home he's the prize no no no healthy man is going to be calling himself the prize that no a healthy man let's define what a healthy man looks like a healthy man is a man that is in sync with god he's a man that is in sync with god his creator he's spiritual in view of his purpose he knows why he exists he knows why he lives and he's in step with his mission a healthy man is is a man that is in sync with god in view of his purpose in step with his mission and in love with his woman a healthy man loves his woman now he loves his woman of course with um an exclusive love but a healthy man loves all women he loves his mother he loves his sisters he loves his daughters he loves his aunts he loves us he loves his female co-workers he loves his friends he love he he's in love with womanhood to the point that he protects womanhood i hear i hear toxic guys say all the time rc why do you always why are you always talking to to women it's because it's the natural it's the natural inclination of a healthy man to protect and to empower womanhood a man is not naturally inclined to protect another man now i know i have a responsibility as a leader to raise up a generation of men i know have a responsibility as a leader to impart into men but at my base nature as a healthy man my inclination is to empower womanhood especially when i'm conscious of the fact that womanhood for generations has been broken down by toxic generations of manhood it's because a healthy man is a man that is in sync with god in view of his purpose in step with his mission and in love with womanhood watch this a healthy man [Music] is whole enough listen to this very carefully because some of y'all never met this a healthy man is whole enough to support all that his woman is and is wise enough to see her as the extension of himself a healthy man is not trying to subjugate his woman he's not trying to diminish his woman listen ladies you have to be very careful with the language of a man listen to me well now you have to be very very very careful with the language of a man see a man that has any measure of influence if you find yourself attracted to the voice of a man as a teacher as an influencer as a romantic interest or whatever as a pastor you have to pay very close attention before you open your heart wide to everything that man is saying you have to pay very close attention to the language of that man because a man that is not healthy will use his language to tie your soul up a man doesn't have to sleep with you to create a soul tie a man can use his language he can build you up and then slam you to the ground with his language and make you feel about that small and what do i call it that's when he creates the approval trap the same man that built you up and then rejected you doesn't have to just be romantic and just it can be a guy that you listen to all the time but his language towards you as a woman is demeaning and diminishing he builds you up and he slams you to the ground consistently builds you up and he slams you to the ground and you find yourself drawn to that drawing that you're becoming um codependent to a toxic individual let's see something here go to genesis chapter 2 verses 20 [Music] uh through 23. see a real man when a real man speaks there are few things that will happen and won't happen number one when a real man speaks into your life you will never be afraid doesn't matter even if he's angry a real man a healthy man will speak you can know he's angry but you'll never be afraid because he'll never project that you know his love for you as a woman or as womanhood is so great that you know he'll never hurt you a real man when he speaks he never makes you feel small he may educate you you know he may say some things that make you look back and think about what you're doing but he never diminishes you and he never empties your self-esteem bank he's always pouring into your self-esteem bank you know i like i what was i at i don't know if it was on here but i was somewhere and everybody thought it was so funny but i was being honest when when when my sisters take these pictures on uh social media you know my thought is and i know i'm gonna chase this rabbit and come on back to the trail but my thought is when you start talking about putting images on social media and go to genesis 2 20-23 um you're talking about promoting something you know you're either promoting something are you projecting um the highest um perception of you that's the right way of saying that you're either selling something you're promoting something you're selling it or you're projecting the best version of you why is it that you taking all these shots from behind is that do you feel like that's the best version of you to show your behind to the world well you hear me saying that but you you can also feel the love coming you know riding beneath the surface of my words and a lot of y'all do it you know and you some of y'all laugh and you have to send me messages and say you know you was talking about me lord i got to go and look check my instagram i got to pull you you know we laugh about it i'm telling you the truth it's a hard truth babe maybe but you can feel the love it's not a demeaning diminishing because a real man a healthy man he is whole enough to support all that the woman is and wise enough to see her as the extension of himself he's never trying to subjugate her make her a second-class citizen a healthy man is never trying to make you a second-class citizen he's always trying to bring you up like adam did eve well let's read it genesis 2 20-23 and adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field but for adam there was not found in help meat for him and the lord god caused a deep sleep to fall upon adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof and the real which the lord god had taken from man made he a woman and brought unto unto the man and adam said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she's my equal she shall be called woman a man with a womb woman womb man she's a she's my equivalent she just has the capacity to give birth come on now because she was taken out of man he's recognizing her as is equal why because at this point he's a healthy man he's a whole man he is whole enough to support all that his woman is and he's wise enough to see her as the extension of himself now watch this here's the revelation i like to pull out of this all the time when god made adam he reached the dirt and formed him and then breathed breath into him and then adam became a living soul the bible says go and read it but when he got when god got ready to make eve adam was was so whole and so complete that god simply reached into adam pulled out a rib and created a whole woman he was a whole healthy man he he he could accommodate all that his woman was and he was wise enough to see her as the extension of himself he didn't see her as his slave and y'all got to push back on that i i i you know you got to push back on that don't be so desperate for uh a wedding that you let a generation of sick perverted men talk you into slavery and you sitting there agreeing with it that ain't god's plan that's not kingdom that's not what god designed that woman over in the other room over there that's that woman's not my slave that woman's my partner she's my equal when i look her look at her i see my equal i respect her as my equal now do we have roles we play of course we do it ain't but one man up in this house and you're looking at him it ain't but one woman up in this house and she over there somewhere and we it's ying and yang but we have an equal respect and a healthy man like adam is is going to be enough to accommodate all that you are all that you will be he's not sitting there trying to pick away at your dreams no no what happens is when you are as a woman listen to what i'm saying as a woman that's why you need to go back to that thing we talked about last time about vetting because you got to get beyond these looks you got to get to the mentality and the spirit the soul of a man because when you find the right man a healthy man he's not going to be sitting there trying to figure out well how we're going to pull pick your life apart so that you can just you know uh-uh he's gonna look at what you got going on he's gonna look at what his goals and dreams are and we're gonna sit at the table and we're gonna figure this out and we're gonna what we're gonna partner with with one another we're gonna do what we're gonna serve one another you know i'm gonna help you do your thing here you go you're gonna help me do this here and all of this is what our thing we're building a kingdom as a king and a queen but it takes a healthy man to see it like that a man that's not healthy is always going to try to clip your wings when he knows you're an eagle he will work overtime to diminish you okay now let's look at some characteristics of a healthy man um letter a he gives a healthy man is a giver a healthy man is a giver he's he's a liberal guy not just financially he's liberal with his time uh he's he's liberal he's a giver he's he's just a giver he pays attention and he gives you what you need when you need it he's a listener see a man that cannot listen is not is not healthy there's something that's off there it doesn't necessarily mean that he's a bad guy or toxic guy but it does mean that there's there's there's a part of him that um what's the wording i'm looking for needs some kind of reassuring some kind of ministry because to be to be a man to be a husband to be a father i've learned that you have to be a listener and i think you know i i think that's why women get upset when we don't pick up on things that we could have picked up on had we listened sometimes we said well i'm not a mind reader and the reality is that many times our women have have told us what's really on their hearts on multiple occasions we just weren't listening but a healthy man is a listener he listens uh let us see he supports he supports you know i'll wash the dishes i do the best i can do you know if i'm the if i'm the last one out the bed i'll make the bed up um you know i'm a supporter you know my wife got some stuff going on you know hey ain't got to be slaving over no stove let's let's you know let's go let's go out let's go out let me bring you out i like bringing you out anyway because i'm a what i'm a supporter to my wife if i'm leaning on my woman if a man is going to lean on a woman as much as we men do need to lean on our women you got to support the thing that supports you but it takes a healthy man to understand that a man that is not healthy is like a slave driver he beats a woman down drains the drains of drains or drains of drains until she drops um he's unguarded oh that's a good one right there healthy man is unguarded you know you get around a dude and you can feel he has all kinds of walls up and you can tell that he's hiding a whole lot of stuff and you can tell that he's perpetrating when a guy is healthy he's unguarded you know what i mean you ask him a question he answers look you straight in the eye you know what i mean he got nothing to hide you know y'all y'all talking you know y'all you know dating or whatever and he claims to be a church guy well you know he ain't like trying to keep you away from his church he kind of would you come to church with me this sunday you know because he's unguarded he's a healthy man doesn't have all those secrets he he doesn't have he doesn't have any secrets to protect he he has not told any lies that he got to try to cover and remember he's a healthy guy he's unguarded he doesn't have to be that's the most beautiful thing in the world for me as a man is to be in a place where you know i walk my talk i walk my talk i walk my talk i walk my talk i you know i walk my talk that's a beautiful thing i ain't got no lie i ain't got no lies to keep up with if i go to sleep and go to talking in my sleep i ain't got to worry about what i'm gonna be saying in my sleep i walk my talk everywhere i go all over the nation i walk my talk i live the life i preach about that's a beautiful thing but i'm a healthy dude now you know what i mean uh letter e he's he he has a stable disposition he has a stable disposition see hmm a lot of times when you think about it you think about it the dudes you the dudes that you're attracted to are unstable and the thing that you're most attracted to is their instability you like you like guys that are unpredictable you know so maybe that says something about your level of health you know maybe we need to talk about maybe we need another time when we talk about the healthy woman the broken woman and the toxic woman because a lot of times the thing that that you're most attracted to is the dysfunction of a man and when you find a man that's functional and healthy you say he's boring don't shout me down because i'm preaching good you all find a healthy man you say he's boring no drama you know give you no reason to have to be going through his phone you know give you no reason to be hiding in the bushes trying to see what he doing who he with what he he walk his talk because he's healthy and sometimes you're not attracted to that sometimes you are so broken that your your normal is dysfunctional your functional is dysfunction uh letter f he answers questions a healthy man answers questions and watch this and he doesn't mind answering questions see you you get a man that you go dance asking questions and he he pushes back on your asking him questions he need to be trusted how are you going to be my leader you can't ask no questions how you expect me to to submit to you and i can't ask you questions rather and when i ask you questions you ain't got no answers the bible says of um the queen of sheba when she went to see solomon she went to prove him with hard questions and when he got through answering her questions the bible says in the bible infers that she fainted she said the half has not been told everything i've asked you you've answered he blew her mind because a healthy man has answers to questions what do i say in that book right there queenology what do i say in that book queens ask questions that only kings can answer if you want to if you want to peep the level of a man start asking certain questions if a man pushes back on your questions or if you asking a man questions and he wants to turn it into a joke so he can twist the conversation in the in another direction red flaming flag that is not to be ignored waiter check please check please check please a healthy man letter g has interest in others you start seeing a man who's just sitting up there and all the time about me and my money and and uh you know what i want to do and you know that's a joke that's a joke that's a joke kings are always interested in the kingdom because the king understands without the kingdom the throne means nothing so when you find a healthy man he's interested in you what your interests are because you know i play chess and anybody that plays chess understands that though the game is over when if the king gets captured the most powerful piece on the board is the queen so the king is always concerned about the well-being of the queen his interests he's even concerned about the pawns come on somebody i'm preaching better than y'all shouting he's concerned about the rooks the bishops do not come on somebody any healthy man has interest in others now i know you you see as much as y'all say i hate narcissists i hate narcissists you love self-absorbed men that's a contradiction you love a man that's going to spend more time in the mirror than you you love a man that puts himself above everything and everybody else he's not a healthy man bae any healthy man is concerned about you know you know what you can hear from a healthy man a lot you good you good how you doing babe how you doing how are you doing i asked my wife she is that for me all the time how you you good how you feel you all right you all right you need anything you need anything come on somebody because a healthy man is interested in others and watch this letter h and i'll shut it down here relative to the characteristics of a healthy guy he has a track record of healthy relationships even if he has an ex or a mother of his child or children you know what you will never get out of him you'll never get him to drag that woman you know what else you're going to see in him you're going to see that he has good uh long-term friendships you're going to see that he has decent relationship with his with his parents and his family but you run upon a man that has no connection to anybody there's something wrong he has no friends every woman that he's ever had you know she a b she a h and she or this and he go off on this this angry tirade he ain't healthy a healthy man has a track record of healthy relationships even if they've ended he's going to always talk about the good in that individual and you're going to see this is my friend this is my friend jim we've been we've been friends for 50 years see dudes that are not healthy especially dudes that are toxic toxic dudes don't have long-term relationships like that they find a way to burn every bridge that uh is built to to them these are things that you got to pay attention to you know i'm just trying to get you all to be a little more cerebral stop popping all this gum taking all these booty pictures and start thinking your way through life yeah i did say it stop popping all this gum because you're more intelligent than that stop popping all this gum taking all these booty pictures putting them on the the social media time at the the the busset challenge let's have a self-respect challenge now and and start thinking your way through life start really looking for stuff deeper than uh you know the dude's hair texture or his fragrance or his height or how much money he says he has a lot of these cats talking about they got this amount of money let me tell you something a man that really has money he ain't telling you about what he got he you know you're not out there just putting money in the street like that i'm i make six figures i make seven figures no no man that really has money like that talk about money like that he's not already trying to prove nothing to you you'll figure it out yeah you figured out people with real money they don't talk about it like that unless they're teaching other folk how to make it then they'll say okay let me show you my back end i'll show you how i'm trying to teach you how to do something so let me show you my back end but just out here on so you're not out here uh projecting like that just people with real money it's so unassuming you know why you know why a man with real money is unassuming and is not leading with that he don't want a woman to just want him for his money he doesn't want a woman that just wants him for his money he's trying to make certain that he has a woman that really sees him and loves him for himself so okay so i went through a through h as characteristics a healthy man has the grace listen to this this may be a little redundant but it's worth repeating a healthy man has the grace to empower his woman if a man can't make you better if a man can't make you feel strong and more capable why let me show you a powerful text in ephesians chapter 5 verses 25 through 27 it says husbands love your wives even as christ also loved the church and gave himself for it watch this that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might presented to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be whole and without blemish so like christ loved the church so a man should be capable of loving his woman and he uses a powerful word there he says that he might sanctify and cleanse it a synonym for the word sanctified doesn't only mean to set her apart which means to honor her and put her in a special place in your life but it also means to make whole if a man cannot if a man does not have the capacity to empower you or to make you whole why then it says that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle if a man can't make your life better why if a man is dragging you down into the dirt emptying your self-esteem on a daily why why okay so that was that was um the healthy man okay now now let's talk about broken man a broken man is a man that has gone through some challenges and has not resolved them yet he has a lot of conflicting thoughts that run through his mind his emotions are not congruent with his spirit he's broken he's broken you know how you you know you back in the day we had uh televisions with antennas and and every now and then you had to get up you grandma put some fall on that antenna i don't know what that was supposed to do but you got to get up move the antenna because the the signal going something disconnected that's a broken man there's something disconnecting that there's not a fluency to this guy's life i get glimpses of a good guy but then there's a dysfunction that always peeps up you know peeps is its head over the horizon he's broken he's broken now let's define a broken man a broken man is a man that is out of sync with his creator himself and his woman he's out of sync with his creator he's out of sync with himself and he's out of sync with his woman so he's a guy that's always apologizing he's always doing things that sabotages the best version of life for him and he's always apologizing and and watch this his woman feels the sincerity of his apologies but you know his constant need to apologize is now breaking her see broken people will break you and there's a point that you got to recognize that what he needs you don't possess and you have to you have to kind of weigh this thing okay let me finish reading this a broken man is a man that is out of sync with his creator himself and his woman this disharmony creates a dysfunction that challenges the man's self-confidence challenges the man's relationship to women and it challenges his ambitions in life that's a broken man his internal issues that watch this toxic masculinity has taught him he should not express himself that's what the world teaches us as men if you if if if you express yourself if you talk about your real feelings uh you're a punk you less than a man and the reality is that if there's not um what's the word i'm looking for if there's not an expression of what's going on there will be an explosion if if if we don't if we can't as men talk about it there's an explosion in our relationships there's an explosion in our in our self-confidence there's an explosion and that's what you're looking at when you see a lot of guys today you're looking at guys that are broken they're trying their best to play hard and play you know play that toxic masculinity role i got it all together i don't need no help i don't need no consular i don't need no therapist i don't need i don't need i don't need no help now going back to what i said earlier men are typically broken by the absence of vital figures dysfunctional indoctrination that social conditioning or disappointing experiences with women now when a man is broken and you know and there's this is this this lack of congruency between his body soul and his spirit you know uh he he can sense god he knows he can sense that god has something greater buried in his spirit but his soul is so dysfunctional that there's a breakdown he can't get what's in him to translate to his mind so that he can live it out in his life and and this personal dysfunction watch this doesn't allow him to flow in harmony with his woman so while he loves his woman because he has all of these personal personal insecurities within himself because his self-esteem as a man has not been nurtured or built up and he doesn't know how to do it he finds himself almost jealous of his woman's success when a man is broken he finds himself jealous of his woman for no reason at all it's not that his woman has done anything to warrant uh his jealousy is that he doesn't feel good about himself he's broken and he doesn't know how to say that and and and the world has conditioned him and trained him through toxic masculinity and misogy well not even misogyny in this case because he he actually loves the woman but he's he's he's so broken he doesn't know how to love her toxic masculinity teaches him she must be doing something she must be doing something and it's no reflection on the woman it's a reflection on the fact that there's something vital that some there's something vital that is missing within him he's broken now every woman that okay let me say this here a broken man is always striving to hide it you know like i don't have a problem coming on here talking to y'all about i was a teenage father i i was divorced and i was the reason for the divorce come on now i've wrecked the hearts of of a lot of women reason i don't have a problem coming on here saying that to y'all is because i'm free i'm healed i'm whole i'm i'm fearful of no judgment my value is not based on acceptance because i'm whole i'm i don't i don't have to feed my ego i know who i am some love me some don't i'm cool with it you know you ain't got i don't you know you ain't gonna love me just keep your hands off i ain't got nothing to hide but a broken man has a lot of secrets to hide things he doesn't want his woman to find out you know uh he doesn't want his woman to know that maybe his credit is not the best he working hard he doesn't even know how to do this thing just some certain moves he need to make and his woman know exactly what to do but because he's broken you know he's leaning heavily towards that ego and he's trying to maintain an image of something and he's not free enough to be able to say bae you know i'm struggling over here in this area i need some help he can't even ask for help he's constantly trying to hide something now here's an interesting thing when adam when god first created adam before adam sinned and disobeyed god adam was the the epitome of a healthy man after adam disobeyed god something shifted and i want you to see this if you look in genesis 3 6-11 it says and when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was pleasant to the eyes and the tree to be desired to make one wise she took of the fruit thereof and did eat and gave also into her husband with her and he did eat you know he wasn't leading at that time he slipped off into some more feminine energy right there and the eyes of them both were open and they knew that they were naked and they sold fig leaves together and made themselves selves aprons and they heard the voice of the lord god walking in the garden in the cool of the in the cool of the day and adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the lord god amongst the trees of the garden and the lord god called unto adam and said unto him where are you and he said i heard thy voice in the garden and i was afraid because i was naked and i hid myself and he said who told you that you were naked has thou eaten of the tree whereof i commanded thee that thou should is not eat a broken man a man that is out of sync with god out of sync with his woman is always seeking to hide he's always seeking to hide and broken men hide behind a few things today and i want you to pay very close attention to this broken men hide behind alpha male rhetoric i'm on alpha me oh man let me tell you something you ain't got to say that you ain't got to say that if a lion walked through that door you know over there right now he ain't got to say i'm a lion i don't know what i'm i'm gonna try to climb up this thing i don't know how much good it's gonna do me but i'm gonna try to climb up this thing to get out of this way cause a lion ain't gotta tell you i'm a lion if a man is really alpha if he's really the leader he ain't got to be this just how am i alpha i'm an alpha i'm an alpha i'm that's a broken man trying to hide behind alpha rhetoric the most the strongest and most alpha-like men you will meet never say it see the dude that's all out there in the club i'm like i beat anybody i'm an alpha male he the first one going to get knocked out by the guy that ain't saying that guy minding his business this is quiet alpha males are quiet they don't make all that noise they ain't got nothing to hide they're certain they're sure about who they are and you're not an alpha male if you're suffering with low self-esteem to the point you have to project yourself onto every scene you find yourself in broken men hide behind alpha male rhetoric sexual superior i can i can put it down i can put it down i'm a sex maniac i can put it man come on dude come on dude come on dude that's insecurity that's insecurity that is insecurity you don't have to go around here bragging about your sexual exploits and what you think you got number one i'm uncomfortable with a man that's right trying to even infer what he got inside his clothes that's that's insecurity no real no real healthy man got to you know insinuate i i got this and i can do that no no no no broken men hide behind alpha male rhetoric sexual superiority i'm more man i'm i'm more man sexually than you uh let us see extrovert antics extrovert antics they always got to be seen you see a man that's always got to be seen making a whole lot of noise always got to be seen loud what's up what's up the king is hell the king is here the king is here that's insecurity that's brokenness that's brokenness trying to hide trying to create a smoke screen so that nobody can see and then they hide behind high profile imagery think about the um think about the the men that are actually who they are they don't lead with on instagram they're not leading with what kind of car they're not dropping names and labels i was with so-and-so and i rolled with this and i i bought this and i bought that and that's that high profile imagery thing is is many times most of the time broken men hiding now some men are just extrovert you know they're not it's not that they're not healthy but most of the time you see this and when there's an over-indulgence in these behaviors that's a broken man trying to hide from the world see a real man a healthy man he'll date a woman and um you know when she really get into his life and figure out what he actually working with she's like man you living like this yes ma'am because he ain't got to leave with that he ain't got nothing to hide he's sure of himself he's not broken his his self-esteem is intact his his his relationship with his creator is in sync he has a healthy understanding of the male female dynamic now let me give you the characteristics of of a broken man then we'll move to to the toxic man because i'm almost an hour here now good god i might let a time go characteristics of a broken man highly offended for nothing highly offended for nothing this is a broken man highly offended for nothing this dude gets offended and you know you you almost have to check to see if this dude got monthly hormone problems he's highly offended over everything you know he's offended over the way your your your mama looked when she came she looked at me a certain kind he's highly offended over nothing he's always let her be always suspicious always suspicious who who you talking to who you talking about he over here on the phone talking your phone rings and and you you answered your phone and he took his phone down who are you talking to who are you talking to who you talking to you ain't asking who he was talking to but he can put your put his conversation down who you who are you talking to who you talking to always suspicious always scared somebody gonna come and take you from him let us see he's passive aggressive a broken man is passive aggressive you know he has a way of um adjusting the temperature in the room to disc to to you know um discomfort just knows how to make things awkward he's he's passive aggressive he's saying yes out of his mouth but he really means no and he's mastered this thing of uh being politically correct but making you feel bad about yourself or a decision you're making all at the same time he's passive aggressive another he's not going to just say what he wants to say he's going to be passive aggressive a letter d he's intimidated by your success now i'll say this to you if you got a little man that's intimidated by your success um you have married him you need to really think long and hard because that ain't gonna end well if you got a man that is so broken he's intimidated by your success and you bringing the money into the house or the relationship where you all are and he has even has access to everything you producing and he's intimidated by your success which means you gotta diminish yourself to make him happy listen to my words right there now you have to diminish yourself to make him happy see this is this is how okay let me do some teaching right here i forget who i got this illustration from but it's a good one it ain't mine it's a good one and i'm gonna add a little bit to it see a lot of y'all making these relationships based on chemistry but you've not done your vetting so you're not really certain that this person is you're equally yoked with this person you just have chemistry see like watch this this bottle cap and this bottle has chemistry look how they look that's chemistry that oh that's chemistry look at that right there good god of mine that's chemistry but when you start talking about being equally yoked it means that your partner has to have enough capacity to contain you so can we get we got to be able to get everything that's in this bottle oh no in this cap see so when you start talking about a little man that's intimidated by your success he's never going to be able to he's never going to be able to celebrate you so it means that you have to diminish yourself to the level that he can accommodate sometimes a person is broken you gotta understand that you can't fix them and you gotta leave them in the hands of god now watch this sometimes a man is broken and he's he's open okay let me give you a letter e characteristics mood swings speaks for itself letter f avoids deep conversation because he's broken that a g can't express his feelings going through all kind of stuff can't express his feelings locked all up in his mind you know sitting in the car in the driveway you asking him what's going on what's going on what's going on it's not to belittle him but he can't express his feelings he's broken uh letter h usually uh has horror stories about relationships you know previous relationships a broken man needs um needs a few things he needs he needs a strong male mentor he needs he needs a very skilled counselor therapist and he needs to he needs a he needs a strong woman that will be honest with him if he likes it or not because sometimes the only thing that will make a man actually look in the mirror and face himself is when he has a woman that confronts him now confronting him may mean it's the end of the relationship but it also may mean that this dude will may finally go and get the help he needs to get his life adjusted right the thing got me right was when my when my wife walked off and left me well she wasn't my wife then my girlfriend lee walked off and left me and i finally had to go and confront this stuff and get myself together and you know i went back and got my woman yes i did okay now let's talk about the toxic man then i'm out of here because i this is a toxic man here's here's my definition of a toxic man a toxic man is a man that has internalized the pain and it has mutated him into a sociopathic misogynistic predator i call him many times the angry nerd this is the little man that you know he hates women he hates the world and you know his whole aim now is to destroy women um and that's usually you know the toxic man that's usually his aim he wants to do everything in his power to destroy the woman a toxic man hates the woman he's filled with anger he's filled with anger even towards the world he's filled with anger and hate proverbs 22 24-25 says make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man thou shalt not go lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul the first evidence of a man becoming toxic listen to this very carefully i believe the first evidence of a man becoming toxic is his unwillingness to cover his woman he's a man that will throw the woman under the bust under the bus if you go back to go back to uh adam we saw him as a healthy man we saw him as a broken man now let's start looking at him when he starts when he begins to turn poisonous in genesis 3 11 through 13 it says and he said god said to him who told you that you were naked hast thou eaten of the tree whereof i commanded thee that thou should does not eat and the man said watch this watch his behavior now he when you first met him he was healthy he was saying oh you're my equivalent then he got out of sync with god out of sync with this woman and now he started hiding trying to cover himself he's hiding now he's turning toxic and listen to what he says when god says did you eat of the tree that i told you not to eat of uh let's see and the man said watch this verse 12 of genesis 11-13 and the man said the woman whom thou gave is to be with me she gave me of the tree and i did eat and the lord god said unto the woman what is this that thou has done and the woman said the serpent begowed me and i did eat but what i want you to see there is when he turned toxic he threw his woman under the bus you talk about punked out he didn't even step up and say well you know you did give me the the the orders and i didn't listen you know it's on me first thing he says she did it she did it through the woman under the bus when a man becomes toxic the first thing you will see is his hatred for the woman he will throat he will no longer cover the woman and let me read this and let me hear him get out of here in second timothy 3 1-6 it talks about a certain kind of man says this know also that in the last days perilous times shall come for men shall be lovers of their own selves covetous boasters proud blasphemers disobedient to parents unthankful unholy without natural affection truth breakers false accusers incontinent fierce despisers of those that are good traitors heady high minded lovers of pleasures more than lovers of god having a form of godliness but denying the power they are from such turn away for this sort of they which creep into houses and lead captive make slaves of silly women laden with sins led away with that was lust when a man becomes toxic he makes merchandise of his woman of womanhood he'll sacrifice womanhood for his own good because he's toxic now let me give you the characteristics always a mystery about it a toxic person is always a mystery always a mystery and it's a strange is a strange energy that comes from them never consistent never consistent and that's by that's by design it's intentional um they never talk about relationships they're not relational toxic man is not relational he's um transactional so for those of you that are looking for a man that has a certain amount of money you have to understand he's transactional you know i'll give you x amount of dollars you give me access to your body and you think you're creating a relationship you think you're creating love you just got a transaction it ain't it what angle said he possesses a toxic man possesses an angry energy letter e he has no ability to feel empathy doesn't matter how bad you're hurting how bad he's hurt you he has no capacity to feel empathy he will never feel sorry for you and he's self-consumed and i mean i could have gone on and on but i decided to stop right there he's self-consumed now here's it finally the real truth is you will never know what type of man you're dealing with if you are a woman that's still making relational decisions from the surface from this earth if you're a woman that's not grown beyond looks swag and you're not looking deep before you leap you're gonna drown every time you're gonna drown every time so i hope you got something out of this now i think i'm gonna do i really think i'm going to do um if i just get inspired i think i think i'm going to do the female version of this the the healthy the healthy woman the broken woman and the toxic woman because all three exist and brothers need to know even sisters need to know because a toxic woman is um she's a predator even even on the female community she ain't just looking to take dues down she's taking sisters down with her she poisons the sisterhood father we thank you today for this time that we've had to share together i thank you that some revelation has come forth that will open the eyes of many thank you god thank you for supernatural deliverance and freedom thank you for growth god even in the areas where we are missing it we thank you for growth now in jesus name amen amen amen thank you all for tuning in thank you for hanging out with me uh i didn't mean to be this long but you know i had to do what i had to do don't forget to stop by my website rcblix.com join my mailing list do that tonight do that tonight you never know when i'm going to send out something sometimes i teach these lessons and i send i create pdf outlines of the actual lesson and send to my mailing list so join join join it tonight don't forget to stop by and look into my online programs it will they will bless you i promise you they will bless you the one on transcending the father wound which i i really did that program in response to a father-daughter talk uh when you but it's not just for women it's for men as well when you're struggling with the absence of a father in your life those of you that have um embraced the queenology movement we have the original queenology message there's a queen in you based on the book then we have part two the training for reigning and we're getting ready to drop the second half of the training for reigning as an online program wisdom for women in ministry is also there so you know in all of these programs presently are 49 and lower giving it away really literally giving it away and uh so i want you to go by rcblakes.com and check that out of course stop by amazon pick up all of my books if you've not gotten any of them pick up pick up my books very soon we're going to be dropping the book on um looking at narcissism from a christian perspective the title of the book is me my mind me my mind that's the psychology of a narcissist and we're looking at it from a biblical perspective and i admit that i am a novice i'm not a i'm not a i'm not a mental health professional in any sense i'm not a counselor therapist um just a man that's you know seen some things so we're dropping that book and that's going to be a blessing to a lot of people uh those of you that may need counseling look in the link uh look in the description there's a link for better help and if you use that link it will afford you ten percent off of the cost of the counseling and they will in turn deposit a referral fee into the ministry for my recommending them so i love you all i really really do lisa and i love you we thank god for all of you that sold into my life tonight oh my god thank you so much yeah thank you so much i just can't tell you all enough how much i appreciate you and love you when this pandemic is over we're gonna have to have something where i can physically meet you all maybe i'll have to have something a huge thing where you all can come to the city of new orleans and we can have maybe three days of it with other speakers and i can get a chance to meet you and get a chance to take some pictures with you i miss that so much so i think i think that's all i need to say i love you i love you i love you pray for me and um and i will pray for you those of you that that uh like all of the queenology shirts you can also look in teespring which is connected to my youtube channel or you can go to [Music] rcblakesstore.com rcblakestore.com and you can see some of the dresses that lisa wears the shirts and all that stuff that women wear all over the country all right i love you all i gotta go thank you so much and i'll be talking to you real soon working on an hour and a half here good god almighty you all know i miss church huh love you all have a great

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 226,851

Rating: 4.9410515 out of 5

Keywords: Dating Advice, Relationships, Christian, Narcissist, RC Blakes, RC Blakes Jr, Manhood

Id: WLkPopXX3xQ

Length: 71min 45sec (4305 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 28 2021