What is your best "idiot neighbor" story? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what's your best idiot neighbor story my older neighbors across the street are very sweet and like to help out but one morning when my windshield was frozen and I was dealing with it it was just frost not solid ice so I was diligently scraping and had the heat on in my car the man of the couple pops out his front door with a pitcher of steaming water it was like something out of a movie well he's just happily trotting towards me and I'm trying to get around my door around the hood to get between him and my car I don't make it in time and he splashes an entire pitcher of hot water on my windshield miraculously it didn't crack but it was still cold as f-ck outside so instead of a little frost here and there I now had a solid half inch of ice on my entire windshield I still don't understand how an older fellow like him who has clearly lived around here for a while still thought that was a legit solution this happened a couple of days ago so I am still rather annoyed we live in a small block of flats six floors plus parking garage 39 flaps we had just returned from a big shopping trip and were waiting in the garage for the left waited a few minutes hear it move here lots of giggling and banging five minutes more still no lift my partner went to see what was going on the awful kids had jammed the lift open using a screwdriver and were running around like crazy no parents in sight now the lift isn't working I said on the building's FB page that we caught the kids messing with it but do the parents take any responsibility no they just keep saying that there must have been an automatic problem with the lift even though we caught them the joke is on them I'm on the ground floor the annoying families now have to drag pram ztc up six floors just because they are unable to discipline their kids I was out planting grass over some holes I had filled in and I heard my neighbor yelling he's an older guy but big and threatening looking anyway I look over and there's a groundhog lumbering around his yard he's yelling at the groundhog to go away but it doesn't give a shot and just keeps walking toward the garage the guy grabs his hose from the garage and gets ready to spray the groundhog but it starts running toward his garage because the noises scared it and it couldn't hear where they came from I have never seen a grown man run like he did that day he got inside his house faster than I would have thought possible I went over and scared the groundhog out of his garage but never told my neighbor I did it I think he hid in his house for a solid three hours my neighbor of the last house I lived in had about one stroke three of his property inside our backyard because the previous tenants didn't measure correctly when they installed the fence 2-3 times a week my neighbor raked leaves he stops in his backyard and then dragged a giant trash can to his one stroke three of the property of my yard and rake for hours then he'd go to the front and rake that area and walk the trash can back through our backyard and into the woods where he dumped the leaves and yard clippings this neighbor was so obsessed that his one stroke three of the yard didn't have grass growing from how often he raked and walked through it and in the summer he'd mova stirred patch sometimes after the Sun had gone down and it was completely dark back in high school one of our neighbors moved away in their house sold to this elder woman and her mostly grown sons she was a strange one she cut down every tree on her property because of the bad spirits in them the sons seemed to be popular having people dropped by at all hours who was relatively quiet until one day while I was home alone there was a knock on the door two gentlemen in very nice black suits and dark ties then identified themselves as FBI and asked me if we were ever approached by crazy lady or her sons to buy anything I basically replied with they're crazy and we don't talk to them they don't talk to us they hand me their business car then proceeded on to the next house I look out the window and I see five blue Ford Tauruses three red Ford Astro vans and one Viacom truck that was being loaded with box after box from the neighbor's garage turns out the sons were making those special cable boxes that got you all of the channels for free after this it was only the strange lady left in that house neighbor after someone had attempted to steal his bike and being advised by me to get a better lock proceeds to save his time by not locking his bike up at all but balancing the lock so that it looked like his bike was locked up unless you actually looked at it for a few seconds I warned him that someone had already tried to steal his bike and that it wasn't really clever leaving it unlocked like that he says I promise you I'll lock it up why he's promising me anything I have no idea I was just being neighborly he then leaves his bike unlocked like that for about a week until someone stole it I guess it did save the thief time edit he did exactly the same thing again about two months after his first bike was stolen he left another bike out unlocked for weeks and it was stolen edit no one is going to read this but f ck me he did it a third time when I was a kid we had this guy living next door who seemed like a nice guy this is the mid 90s and he had an e on business so he was doing pretty well for himself then he got together with a crackhead and his house slowly started going to [ __ ] literally at one point his septic system went up and since they were smoking every dime he made he decided that he was just going to make a cess pit we live on the east coast in the mid-atlantic it gets hot and humid come July thanks to this guy our entire neighborhood smelled like a spot a pot at Midsummer Festival for about three months fast-forward to January nice and snowy we come home to our house being broken into computer is gone TV is gone bunch of movies and meds are gone cops show up and they start dusting and looking around they go outside and lo and behold there are tracks going from our side door back to the neighbor's house of course they deny everything and are at least smart enough not to keep the stuff around after we got home they were not smart enough to use different Mae they pawned everything though needless to say we had new neighbors within a few months of this incident a neighbor messed up when building a home and put his entire home well within my property large piece of land with two huge clearings connected to two roads but separated by a largest mass of trees I didn't notice because I had taken an eighth month vacation right after he started building huge property I didn't go around and inspect it off him so I got a real-estate lawyer and surveyors to confirm it was in my property I was going to sell him that clearing for a good price until I went to talk to him and he was the biggest [ __ ] I had ever met he essentially told me that he is going to sue me for leading him on despite the fact that I did not know him nor have did I meet him before that day his wife flipped my girlfriend and I as we were pulling out of their driveway four months later I file a lawsuit saying he must destroy the property or turn it over to me immediately it would have cost him more to demolish it and return the site to original condition so he signed the house over to me he was still out for construction costs I was living in a single-wide with my girlfriend then I had brand-new 2600 square ft house with all the hookups for water electric and cable for free got the landfill next to nothing sold it for almost 50 times the value we live next to this big guy in an apartment building front doors inside a hallway now he was a nice enough guy but he was always cleaning a puddle up in front of his apartment every other day we'd always ask him if everything was all right and he'd talk some incoherent crap about how he hates management so out of curiosity I asked management when I happened to be in the rental office and the lady rolls her eyes and says this idiot fills up his tub to the brim and sits his fat ass in the tub the water of course floods his entire apartment and comes out into the hallway and this idiot has the balls to blame us somehow I pretty much said jeez sounds rough and scurried on back to my place if the tub story is really the truth this guy must be dumb as rocks neighbor has a teenage son two years my junior who's an idiot got a used car for his birthday and decided to paint it neon green okay one night he comes home drunk and proceeds to crash into my dad's car parked outside decides to hide it poorly and the next morning claims it wasn't him we probably would have believed him had the damage on my dad's car not had a neon green paint swapped to it f king [ __ ] edit have gotten a few replies asking what two years my junior means basically it means he's two years younger than me my constantly drunk neighbor came up with the brilliant idea that he could collect the leaves in the stone parking lot with his snow blower he duct-taped a plastic garbage bag over the discharge chute and off he goes it actually inflated the bag for a few moments until the stones started flying he broke three windows on his garage door and splattered a bunch of cars in the lot T my britches laughing I could write a book on all the stupid sh t I saw him do couple that lives across the hall from me fights often and loudly one night the girl found something on the guy's phone that she found objectionable either porn or evidence of cheating either way she was yelling a lot about skanks and [ __ ] so she throws his phone off her second-floor balcony onto the concrete walkway below where it shatters guy then goes back inside grabs her phone and does the same moral of the story is an iPhone for an iphone makes the whole world entertaining for the neighbors my dad had a neighbor when he was young that played his radio loudly all day even when he wasn't home always gone on vacation every time he left the house and his radio was still on my dad would go and trip the circuit breaker to his condo one day he sees my dad who was an electrical engineer and asked him why his breaker kept tripping was it 40 wiring no my dad explained the loud radio was probably just putting too much strain on the circuit when left on all the time my dad suggested he should try turning it down or off when he wasn't home and see if that fixed it so the man tried it and surprise surprise the circuit breakers stopped tripping he was very thankful to my dad for helping him with that annoying electrical issue there was this elderly couple that used to live next door to us both of them were well into their 90's the husband was legally blind he could see just not very well and couldn't hear much at all apparently due to some sort of medical issue when he was younger didn't stop him from puttering around the house though one day we had a fairly strong storm which dislodged part of the siding on the front of their house up near the roof I'm pulling into my driveway and I see this guy out there with the ladder feeling his way along the side of the house satisfied he found the right spot he props the ladder against the side of the house and starts to climb he starts feeling around again and discovers he's found the roof over their front room so he chemise his way onto it what followed was twenty agonizing minutes of me standing in my living room with my phone in my hand so I could call an ambulance the second this guy fell off the roof meanwhile he's on all fours crawling around trying to fix the siding satisfied with his work he heads back toward his ladder and I'm thinking that this is a pot where I watch an old blind man fall off a roof and die somehow he made it back onto the ladder and down to the ground crazy old bastard when I lived at my parents house we had this old lady neighbor she had some crazy idea that my mom was abusing me and my siblings she didn't and she was constantly calling the cops on us I remember I even had cops at my school questioning me because she said that my brother was molesting my little sister and I he wasn't eventually they told her that if she called anymore she would be getting arrested obviously she was wasting their time and giving my mom brother a bad reputation telling everything that they abused all of us she stopped calling for a few years then two years ago I had one of my friends over and we had one of those giant plastic balls that you get get inside and walk around in we brought it onto the trampoline and I got in that wall he jumped we were being pretty loud but I live out pretty far so we had a big yard and it was only 4:00 p.m. so there was no reason we should have been quiet anyway she called the cops we were inside at this point so she busts in my back law and screeches I know what you f king did and I called the police at my friend then the police never showed up she did a bunch more crazy sh t but I'll leave it at that about one inch of snow fell one night idiot neighbor decides to use a snow blower to clear it off his driveway despite it being close to midnight it would not start so I would hear an engine revving then died over and over again for about 30 minutes in the middle of the night until he gave up if he had used a shovel he would have been done within ten minutes for that small amount of snow in the summer he'd also use his leaf blower to clean his driveway of dirt creating a large dust cloud that would slowly move downwind - where I lived the ass had an older couple next door where the female was always trying to make people conform to her idea of what was acceptable during my time as her neighbor I received weekly citations from City Council regarding various complaints from how we stored our garbage my run mate feeding some birds once to my older car's tire being on the lawn my favorite though one was when we had to submit to several inspections by council after repeated complaints from her that she could smell carbon monoxide coming from our garage into her home aside from the most obvious odorless nature of carbon monoxide there hadn't been a car in the garage to emit said monoxide since it had been used for storage for years after this she was told in no uncertain terms to leave us alone they moved within a month I'm a college student and moved into an apartment complex till last August can't recall exactly when but early in the fall a friend and I are playing catch with a football in the street outside my place middle-aged overweight woman neighbor comes out to ask us if we are idiots and just what we think we're doing which we think we're just throwing a football they have cameras all over this place just one bad throw and the cops will be there shortly I tell her my hand-eye coordination is on point and in the twenty minutes we've been outside the ball hasn't touched the ground she starts yelling more saying she knows everyone in this apartment and will have me thrown out and I've had enough so I go inside she follows me and bangs on the door for ten minutes until I opened the door tell her to get over herself get outside more and f ck off she says she'll have me out of this apartment within the month she was arrested that exact night and the look on her face and we made eye contact me in my doorway and her in the back of a cop car was far and away better than anything I could have imagined I didn't call the cops but came back from the gym two three cops putting her in a car there are so many she takes her cats outside shows them treason tells them what they are called not just her this is funny but she takes this seriously and does it thirty minutes a day for each cat tailed me thirty minutes of meeting her about the time she had a baby at home thought it was dead and put it in a trash bag two hours later she was at a hospital and the baby was still alive sort of but it eventually died calls the police for insane stuff she didn't think I should be using an angle grinder after drinking a beer the other neighbor parked his car too close to her property my neighbor's tree got SAP on her cat not my story but my uncle's also wouldn't say this is about an idiot neighbor bit more of a dick this is a secondary home lake house a few hours from his main home he visits every weekend and spends a few days there each weekend he would return and find something new whether that be part of his friends missing some of his trees knocked down or fined tea from his neighbor's dog all over his patio my uncle noticed the neighbor did most of his damage with a mini bulldozer type thing why he had it I don't know sir my uncle went to the lake on a weekday when the neighbor wouldn't be home and had a friend professionally install a metal fence around the bulldozer completely around it like a cage I had no idea he would actually go that far it seems like something out of a movie I was about 11 stroke 12 when this happened we live in a street referred to as the frying pan is that what it literally looks like everyone's houses have a view of each other's anyway we are burgled and everyone in the street says nothing despite several of them having CCTV fitted that covers the street after this my mom decides to redecorate to try and make the house feel safer after the burglary skip forward a day or two in the same neighbors who didn't see anyone enter our home approached my mom in the street and ask her where she bought the paint she used in the kitchen as it is a lovely color for a kitchen ' I could write a book on this I live on acreage in the mountains and have a neighbor who is just a nasty rumor mongering [ __ ] my newest passive-aggressive way of dealing with 1bs action of hers is to coat her cats with glow-in-the-dark paint these seven cats roam everywhere crap in my garden kill every moving thing and the neighbor claims they are my cats she told the deputy they are my cats I owned one indoor cat now at night there are walking jumping prancing blobs of glowing cats roaming all over other neighbors are speculating over whether the government had the radiated creatures escape I'm having a great time coming up with new ways to set my glow-in-the-dark paint booby traps bTW the paint is non-toxic edit word I lived on a mountain with a gravity well that was situated higher up the mountain behind the cabin it would catch the rainwater and was covered with screening some new people moved in on the other side of the mountain I didn't know of their existence until I noticed my water was much slower and very dirty I walked out the cabin and up the mountain to the well the closer I got I could hear voices like a party was going on soon I discovered the reason for everything swimming in my well were the new neighbors they had removed the screen and thought it was a strange place for a pool I lost my temper and they explained that this was their first vacation home in the woods and they were just exploring thinking it was a redneck style of pool a pool with screening mind you never saw them again and never had problems with the well again so my neighbor Vincent and I are both pretty much idiots however this story is one of my favorites to tell Vincent my mischievous neighbor and I have always made it a challenge to scare each other when given the chance on this particular day our families wanted to have dinner together once the food was ready my mom called me to grab a bottle of thick black hoisin sauce from the garage to eat some delicious Vietnamese spring roll while I scavenge for the bottle Vincent crept through the door while I was distracted and waited secretively it seemed that his excitement couldn't wait much longer because a wailing howl ambushed me from behind my primitive instincts surpassed rationality so my first reaction was to Chuck the bottle of sauce square in the back of Vincent's fat head as he retreated into the living room the bottle burst didn't splattered across nearly every square inch of the room after a few seconds of realization we both were in utter shock and I immediately felt a sense of regret he and I both knew the consequences if we didn't get his cleaned up in time so we went to work after using nearly hundreds of yards of paper towels and gallons of hydrogen peroxide we finally got the mess cleaned up and ate dinner but with less source Mabel Moo's in I go over to introduce myself and he is friendly then he introduces me to his three Rottweilers no biggie I like dogs couple hours later I see him pounding in three huge metal stakes in his yard and he chains up the rods they proceeded to bark from about 4 a.m. to 8 a.m. within three days there is no grass on his lawn and it's just a muddy mess I asked him to do something about the barking nicely multiple times he gives it a half-ass effort so I just kept calling animal control running out of options I gave him $1,000 towards putting up a privacy fence he did I sold my house immediately and moved herd a short while later he moved and took the fence with him neighbor had two big dogs that barked a lot when she was gone from home the light request to do something about it always resulted in it is not my dogs barking note that this was often late at night when we're trying to sleep sometimes she would leave them outside all night alone to bark while we tried to sleep about 30 feet away in our County barking more than one hour is a violation we took at a bark barking court actually a hearing where parties present evidence in front of a judge we took here there four times she always lost she also never paid the fines finally her soon-to-be ex-husband came over and took the dogs to the animal shelter he was tired of all the neighbors calling him to complain even though he did not live with her she could not get them back from the county shelter without paying the fines sadly they were ultimately put down she had never trained him and had no control over them at all they were basically dangerous and unadoptable she eventually lost her house to foreclosure after her divorce bad situation for all concerned we live in a courtyard of eight houses one neighbor let's call her crueler controls the parking spaces having moved in one year ago she had our parking allowance from two to one cars for no reason she 37 bullied an 18 year old who lives with his parents as other residents collectively responded now she has two parking spaces down from five and hides when we're out front bullies never win this was about five or so years ago I had a neighbor on Thanksgiving who thought it would be a good idea to get high on various drugs just a smorgasbord of him well apparently it didn't work out well for him on that combination it started with him throwing what sounded like very large pieces of furniture against the walls and windows he started opening the windows and screaming at trees and scales I was going to call a non-emergency police line until he decided to start picking his dog up and putting his head out the window and change my called to 911 police and emergency vehicles showed up the dog was fine and the neighbor was carted off in an ambulance one of the police officers and I had a chuckle about the absurdity of the situation was all was said and done he was also kind enough to put me in the back of the police car and take a picture of me sent it to my parents and said I'd explain later why I was late dude was awesome we bought a 10 AC chunk of lamb six years ago and built a house on it turns out the neighbors had been using parts of the property as a dirtbike track previously and took exception to us putting up a fence to keep them out rather than having a civil conversation about trespassing and liability father and son would just rip up and down the street on their dirt bikes doing donuts at the end of our driveway this ruined the road and we got a nasty letter from the district I informed the district of what is going on and who to send the bill to three days later the father showed up at my driveway yelling and screaming about how he is going to burn my house down and shoot my dog I called the cops who came out but did nothing two days later our house got egged in a bunch of my tools went missing I called the cops again and showed them footage of the father and son in my driveway in the middle of the night but they said they couldn't use it after that things were quiet for a while until I shot a fox that was trying to get into my chicken cooperative neighbor returned with once sounded like a 3006 and a shotgun I called the cops again in this time they took the losers gums I turned out he had multiple drug charges and WS barred from owning firearms after that we didn't hear much and I saw for sale sign of the place the other day I hope that is the end back in the early 2000s I lived in San Francisco well more south of it but I would drive my car to my cousin's house who lives right by a Muni stop public transit I would park my car legally in public parking that's across my cousin's home and take the Muni to downtown SF to work his neighbor Simba to Chinese lady got angry at me because I didn't live there and I was parking illegally nope fully legal months went by and I started noticing my car getting keyed only on the passenger side I called the cops but I had no proof I set up a camera in my cousin's kitchen window that points to my car I took her to small claims court and let her play victim she tells the judge her sob story and how much stress and anxiety I caused her over parking in her house that's a lie when it was my turn to speak to the judge I stood there in silence took out my laptop and I handed him well the officer to give a judge a CD judge plays it judge laughs and looks at the defendant Hira plays the CD one handed to him to let everyone see to the defendants shock she faints case closed I win a total sum of $7 zero zero zero of damages [Music]

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Id: g4PCsQEw3xg

Length: 28min 24sec (1704 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 23 2019