Lawyers, what funny ways have you seen someone blow a court case? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

legal professionals have read it what's the funniest way you've ever seen a lawyer or defendant blow a court case a short one the judge recused himself from a criminal case publicly stating that he knew the defendant and he was the son of a b tch and guilty as hell I had a case where a lawyer who apparently had expertise in areas other than litigation decided to litigate a case for one of his clients he asked stood opposed my guy no problem I meet with my guy and get him all prepared for testimony we sit down at the deposition he's sworn in and we're ready to go first question isn't would you please state your name or anything like that first question was something like isn't it the truth in this case that on the 6th of April 2004 you and then a conclusive statements about his whole time I objected my guy says no other lawyer shuffled his papers and after a lengthy pause asks the second question you sure double quote my brother was on a jury back in the days of MySpace a woman had been hit by a big rig during foggy weather she was suing for a back injury the last day of the trial they asked her if she has a myspace account and brought up her site for the jury to see I think all the profiles were opened then there's a picture of her dancing on the hood of a car and right next to it is a text exchange of her saying that she shouldn't go out too much because her lawyer says that she has to look injured needless to say she lost that case I once attended oral arguments for US Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit it's pretty much the big time I watched a lawyer arguing about his client received what's known as ineffective assistance of counsel at the trial from which she was appealing the attorney however was not doing a very good job during oral arguments so at one point one of the judges on the panel leans forward and asks him counselor are you currently providing ineffective assistance of counsel double-quote my father is an attorney and he always had a story for us when we're asked him this question he toe it way better than I do but I'll give it a shot some dude was allegedly smashing a wall with a sledgehammer with others in order to break into a private property the cops rolled up and he's the only one to get caught fast forward a few months and this guy's in court apparently a cop says something about how the defendant was the only one court but there were two other men who fled on foot and couldn't be apprehended my father's clients face lights up in an aha moment and immediately tells the judge not true there were four of us dot I guess he thought if he could disprove someone at the set head be let go safe to say he was found guilty of vandalism my father says the judge just kind of sighed and told my father it would be a good idea to keep his client quiet defendant is apprehended for warrants and asks judge for bail tells judge he moved and was not served with the warrants some questioned as to his identity judge asks defendant where he was born death says puto Greco , defendant totally looks mestizo not Puerto Rican at all judge asks wherein puto Rico defendant says San Juan judge asks defendant when were you last in San Juan defendant says a couple of years ago judge asked defendant how did you get there defendant replies I went on the Amtrak judge would not grant bail when you flunk geography it's for a long time lawyer was verbally running through the evidence against the guy he was defending trying to claim there wasn't enough to even call a trial all totally fine except he said I believe a more seasoned judge wouldn't have let this trial move forward not knowing that the judge he's speaking to gave the okay to move the trial to this court he was immediately given a hard motion denied double quote a defense lawyer was delivering her closing statements to the jury in her final sentence she said ladies and gentlemen of the jury I urge you to find my client guilty the was a moment of silence and she then says not guilty I meant to say not guilty double quote I'm an attorney and I heard about a hearing where there were several criminal defendants before the judge the judge noticed a strong pot smell in the courtroom and asked if any of the defendants had pot on them no one came forward and the judge proceeded but the odor became stronger and stronger finally the judge demanded the perpetrator to come forward finally one of the came forward and had several bags of weed on him I'm not sure what the charges were before him that day but I wouldn't want to have been his attorney sovereign citizens always make for a good time there was the guy getting a divorce from his wife of 25 years his entire argument for why he shouldn't pay alimony to his wife who stayed home taking care of their eight kids three of him was still at home is that since his wife would no longer do her marital duties it wasn't a marriage she wouldn't sleep with him because he was against trying to prevent more kids happening at all then reference the Bible on top of it the judges face was priceless I don't know how true this story is but my dad said he took his Camaro out late it's nights to speed and got an exhibition of speed ticket challenged it in court saying it wasn't couldn't be an exhibition of speed because he was alone there was no one to exhibit speed to after argument from the Assistant District Attorney the judge asked defense counsel why he should allow the defendant to remain on his own recognizance defense counsel looks up obviously searching for any reason he can because he knows his client is a dirtbag and this is what he comes up with because his girlfriend lives in the apartment above mine and I'll hear her crying all night defendant remanded to jail not an exact fit for the answer but I once worked at a company while he found out that a lawyer was trying to arrange a class-action suit against house before it got off the ground we found out because this lawyer attempted to email her client but accidentally emailed us instead with all the details of the class action I observed a case where the plaintiff attorney played Michael Jackson's man in the mirror as his closing argument to evoke an emotional response in the jury he lost I was an expert engineer witness at a deposition defending a contractor who happened to be an engineer himself claimed tiff claimed he was liable as an engineer as well as the contractor defense was he was the contractor but that doesn't mean he was the engineer for the project just because he was one after six hours of headache-inducing questioning plaintiff's lawyer pulls out a letter from one certified by the contractor that simply stated I am the engineer for the project he sits back and basically has that look of let's see what you've got to say now fir flashing his gun at the witness during a deposition and x200 be HTTP www.affordableprobateattorney.com lawyer is suspended for flashing gun at deposition other appalling behavior and x200 be a prominent female attorney didn't like the judge's ruling in a family law case she asked him if he was from another planet the judge said I beg your pardon she approached the bench without permission and very rudely repeated her question judge told her to apologize she refused the judge had her thrown in the lockup for contempt of court my professor was a lawyer has worked on both sides of the law and says the funniest sh t in courses when someone attempts to represent themself he said they never know what they're doing and usually blow it for themselves plus counsel is a free right edit I am referring mainly to constitutional law in courtroom where all they do is restraining orders everyone gets there at one time in the morning and sits in the chairs and judge calls the cases one by one dude purposely sits next to girl getting the restraining order against him and starts trying to hold her hand and [ __ ] she yells and asks for help and blow had to wait outside when it was his turn the judge was so mad he almost sent into jail now I was being questioned as a prospective juror in a personal injury case eight people had already been seated and the plaintiff's attorney asked me the same question he had asked everyone else and gotten yes of course as an answer do you feel that a person has a right to be compensated for his injuries my answer probably loud or unslung than it needed to be was not if he got hurt because he did something stupid I had poisoned the entire jury pool including those already seated they settled out of court in ten minutes for an amount much smaller than they were asking for not a defendant but there was this dude in the court I interned as who went in with his friend but wore a shirt with the exact color as the ones in group trials the bailiff mistook him for a convict and was asking him to sit down hell no man I'm just here to see my friend I ain't got no case he was the one who got caught I got away double quote no no he didn't get away not my case but still a personal favorite I was sitting in court waiting for my turn case going was a littering case officer said he saw the defendant throw the clear wrapper on a pack of gum out of his window guy decided to defend himself girlfriend takes the stand officer has already testified guy asks did I throw a gum wrapper out the window she replies no you did not with this huge grin on her face the defendant is now also grinning and goes what did I throw out the window to which she replies it was the plastic wrapper from your cigarettes double quote guy rests his case right there literally thought he would get off because the officer couldn't properly identify the clear plastic that he admits to throwing out the window defendant was willing to stay on probation conditioned on jail until a bed became available due to the circumstances of the defendants age and minor violations the judge was very open to the possibility so this was argued out in rebuttal to the defense lawyers argument the prosecutor said something the defendant didn't like the defendant stood up called us all racists and said send my f king us to prison double quote you know the scene where Jerry Maguire pleads with rod to help me help you it was 100x worse I used to be a police officer and spent a lot of time in court and saw a lot of things go really wrong for people but the one that sticks out is a guy who was up for DUI he started relating his side of the story and tells the judge he only had two bottles of wine his lawyer is desperately trying to get him to stop talking and he yelled at his own lawyer don't interrupt me comma and the judge says I think you should take a moment to listen to your attorney and then he told the judge don't tell me what to do I'm not a damn child and the judge just smiled and leaned back and said by all means continue it went badly for him and surprisingly I wasn't the lawyer but a paid expert witness as our lawyer questioned the federal employee Environmental Law case our client jumped up from the table and screamed in his broken English that account she are f king lies like a [ __ ] fines were paid but we did win the case my grandfather was a big-time lawyer back in the day foreign oil company in one case it was the federal government that blew the whole case my grandpa showed up to court and the first thing he said was that they didn't have jurisdiction the judge was like I'm a federal circuit court judge the highest judge around how can this be out of my jurisdiction double quote the oil in question was drilled in Texas refined into gasoline in Texas and sold in Texas gas stations since it never crossed state lines interstate-commerce never happened so the federal government has no jurisdiction double-quote the judge just said he was right and closed the case pissed off the guys from Washington so a lawyer scheduled a preliminary trial on a non criminal court day these days were reserved for family traffic et Cie the lawyer insisted by not doing so it was a violation of his clients right to a speedy trial he was in custody ATS jail and needed to be transported about two hours out of town for this court case the judge knew the lawyer would be late he was always late so when the inmates arrived to court on the scheduled non criminal court day the lawyer was you guessed it late once the defendant was in persist to the courtroom the judge immediately told the clerk's to not call the lawyer's office and he started looking at his watch after about ten minutes the judge called it and we out processed the prisoner to the transport vehicle by the time the prisoner was moving off the property the lawyer pulled into the parking lot there was a closed-door session between the judge and lawyer to be a fly on the wall for that convoy showed up to plead not guilty on a weed charge while wearing shorts printed with pop leaves and a chat with a blunt on it lawyer here I do patent litigation the best I've seen is the other side cover up destroy evidence the punishment for that is not only a core sanction thousands of dollars and the client immediately fires you if it's bad enough the court will instruct the jury to consider the destroyed evidence to be bad for the party who destroyed it when I was clocking for a judge a defendant wrote to the judge trying to explain that the two bongs found on the floorboard of the car were actually his girlfriend's but he was afraid to speak up earlier because she's on section eight and drugs are forbidden for section eight recipients mind you he was on probation at the time the cops pulled him over and it didn't matter who owned the bonds he was still in violation of his probation for being in possession of drug paraphernalia his attempt to get out from his charges not only screwed over his girlfriend but it also showed that he knew of the bongs that were in her s car it happened to a friend he hired a lawyer to sue his University for charging a fee that he wasn't supposed to pay he discovered at the very hearing that is lawyer sued the wrong University I remember being in child support court and saw a guy going in front of the judge for non-payment of child support with his world's greatest dad shirt on the accused was being sentenced after a common suggestion by both the crown and defense attorneys when it came to calculating the total amount of days to be purged according to each infraction the defense attorney started arguing that the crown had her numbers wrong in that the sentence was supposed to be 75 days longer than what was about to be agreed upon the accused jaw just dropped in disbelief I have a bunch but my favorite is a group of LLC members who refused to hire a lawyer for the company as required by the local rules they keep getting their filings stricken it's to the point where the judge doesn't even set a hearing anymore they file whatever they file I move to strike and the court enters an order striking it I am a lawyer now but this was when I was in law school and we had to go what shaq short casas in the local district court a guy is accused of destroying some stuff his neighbor owns after a complicated plea by his lawyer about how some evidence is inadmissible and therefore it cannot be proven the defendant is guilty the judge delivers the verdict agrees with the lawyers and acquits him the defendant gets up walks towards the judge as if to shake his hand and says thank you your honor I'll never do it again double quote the prosecutor than quasi jokingly says appeal dot not a lawyer but once was observing court defendant is being asked by the judge if he understands a question as he was not a native speaker defendant refuses to answer instead claiming to plead the fifth judge explains you can't plead the fifth because that's only four sworn testimony not if say the judge asks if you understand the question being asked he continues to decline to speak the judge is visibly upset at this point because defendant is just being a dick his attorney whispers to him they seem at odds his attorney then explains to the judge that's after this appearance he will no longer be able to represent the defendant edit or to correct I had a client show up to court wearing the same dress she had on in the video showing her damaging her ex's property bonus I had another client who was sleeping on a couch when his roommate invited the cops in he was under a blanket so the cops asked him to stand up for their safety Dumbo stood up and a baggie of meth fell out of his lap into the ground he had no idea how it got there I'm going to share some advice for all you fine folks you don't have to let the cops search your car or home seriously tell them to pounce and my Krim defense prof. had a doormat that said come back with a warrant if they threaten to get a warrant be nice and tell them you'll wait I love cops but too often they violate your constitutional rights and that crap needs to stop a girl who was about to completely get off with no more than an adult caution due to her going to Australia well she decided that even this was not fair as she shouldn't be getting any punishment she was arrested for stealing her boyfriend's car hitting three vehicles has no licence leaving the scene arriving back to the house and threatening him with a knife before we had to bring her a gunpoint onto her stomach where once arrested she damaged a police vehicle and spattered the custody sergeant the boyfriend refused to make a statement and said he was driving in the custody Sgt decided to leave the whole spitting thing when she got into the box she took off a shoe and threw it in the direction of the judge naturally the size of the courtroom and her not being Leblon meant that it didn't get far safe to say after the she ended up with some time having to be served inside and subsequently no Australia defendants claim they got trapped in a linen closet during the 2008 World Series and therefore shouldn't be on hook for the parking tickets their car required they were ordered to pay the original fine I was working for a barrister who turned up to a hearing and discovered that opposing counsel had secretly contacted the judge's chambers with a whole bunch of information about the case that's a horrendous breach of professional ethics are one of the very very basic rules of litigation is that you file stuff with both the judge in the other side except in very special circumstances my barrister just kind of shrugged his shoulders at the judgement asked if he knew about the information the judge spent the rest of the hearing tearing the opposition apart they lost an absolutely unlosable case I was working as course staff in a hearing where a guy was accused of robbing a grocery store the defendants lawyer was arguing that they could not identify the man in the surveillance camera footage as his client while the footage was being shown to the court the defendant leaned over and said loud enough to his lawyer do you think they can tell that's me in the video double quote I was in a conference in a large d c-- law firm fifteen or twenty expensive lawyers and me one lawyer made a particularly stupid statement and I suppressed a laugh he got pissed and rudely tried to put me in my place by reminding me that I was the least educated person in the room I countered by reminding him that half of all lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class he blurted out it couldn't be that high then I really laughed at him lawyers showed up 45 minutes late for Court just to reschedule it because she didn't have time to talk to defendant prior to court next court date showed up late again and proceeded despite still not having time to talk to defendant beforehand twist was my lawyer second time she was late I got a fat opponent I listened to judge and Bailey joke about what a crackpot my public defender was lawyer here when I had been licensed less than a year I was representing a guy in a custody case he was adamant that his ex was on drugs so I requested drug testing the judge said both parties had to be tested which I had warned my client would likely be the judges request mom tested clean my guy tested positive for drugs we did not win the case same guy also fell asleep during the hearing there was an episode of paternity court on TV where the girl spent almost the entire episode berating the guy having people analyzed genetic similarities between the child and the father and how this was all ridiculous because she hadn't been with anybody else in years etc the judge finally looks at the guy and asks if he has anything to say in his defense since he's been standing there quietly just taking this verbal assault from his ex-girlfriend he motions that he has a folder of paperwork plaintiff takes it up to the judge who looks it over them dismissed the case and the guy's favor it gets explained that he had been in actively deployed by the military for four years and wasn't even in country at the time that the baby was conceived got sued for some crap and one of the things they were after was lost wages because the guy missed two weeks of work they claimed lost wages of $10 K and used financial documentation to prove that he made $5 K per week truck owner operator my insurance company my lawyer had his tax records which showed that he only claimed the equivalent of $50 K per year on his quarterly estimated tax payment even though his records showed that he really was making much more than that Judge wound up throwing the case out and told him in front of everyone in the courtroom that the other tax payers in the room don't like people who lie on their taxes in that she would be making a phone call to the IRS not sure exactly what came of it but they had moved out of the neighborhood within the next six months I don't practice family law but I occasionally cover simple family law hearings for my colleagues one time I went a family kort I saw a guy who was arrested and brought in for failing to pay child support although he vehemently denied that he failed to pay child support his defense was that he didn't pay because he didn't have the full amount to meet his payments basically instead of making partial payments he paid nothing and admitted it to the judge after denying that he failed to make payments like Brock and X 200 B edit I also once got a guy to admit during his deposition that he sued my client for breach of contract without actually verifying that my client breached said contract and he had no idea whether or not he suffered any damage needless to say I won that case I'm not a legal professional but I once beat a speeding ticket because the DA failed to identify that I was the defendant like he never had me say my name or he never said if he just started talking the judge let him finish and then looked at me and told me I could go and then said to the DA you didn't even say his name in my chambers now then I just left and it was awesome I was 17 at the time didn't really blow the case but during oral arguments on a criminal case a lawyer said pen I'll code instead of penal code then he stopped put his hand over his mouth and exclaimed I just said pen I'll double quote I once saw a man in court plead not guilty to possession of illicit drugs he said something along the lines of Your Honor I'm not guilty cause if I had known the police were coming I wouldn't have had the drugs on me I was studying a case and a murderer said this it was an accident I didn't think it was loaded needless to say he went to prison for about two years in a lawsuit before the accident I could hold my hands up this high now I can't go past this double-quote was a bailiff for a county court had a defendant approached me saying his phone was missing I knew only two people had sat where he left the phone questioned them about it real quick and they lied saying they had no idea what I was talking about while walking up to the judge for their case noticed the phone in the back pocket of one of them asked him to hand me the phone in his back pocket heated and then a deputy took over afterward the judge decided that probation wasn't a great idea for someone who would openly steal in a courtroom gave him a year close to the max for the crime to think about it I've got an unusual one I lost my license and was applying for a restricted worker's license I could only drive for work purposes the Transport Authority asked me to submit a letter from my boss confirming I needed one to continue to work and they would support my claim in court Dooley did this they forwarded all papers into the court and I arrived on the day to be met by the lawyer outside telling me they have denied my claim and will seek to bar my application get in front of the judge who opens with Davenport you are applying for a restricted worker's license transport lawyer do you agree with this application lawyer says no he doesn't need one judgment in this application you submitted it says he does lawyer I don't have any copy of that I got the license had it passed a continuously Dodge service of process on me until I had him personally served during Easter service then he failed to answer our complaint and is now forced to pay $44 zero zero zero plaintiff who was represented by my firm not me needed to take a break during a deposition dude never came back my lawyer coughed when saying I had not reoffend it not a professional but while I was studying law years ago at college we went to watch a few magistrates cases most were quite dull getting referred up to the crown the last case we stuck around to see though the guy was brought up from holding underneath the courthouse so he's already in jail at this point anyway I can't remember what he was being tried for because his solicitor was so shockingly bad it's all we could focus on her entire defense was he's just a bit stupid really she also got in trouble with the magistrate for being on phone while the session was going on and for showing another solicitor a YouTube video whilst the magistrates were conferring out the room a blustering lawyer from a big thumb thought he could intimidate me into recommending a terrible settlements to my client by refusing any kind of negotiation I called his bluff and we went to trial I had never done a trial before in this area of law not criminal I had never even seen how a trial was conducted I won that blustering lawyer was furious once I was working with another lawyer on a case as the defense where a young lad had received funds from a company to restore upgrade their cybersecurity because there had been an act however the company eventually found out that the guy they had hired to solve their cybersecurity issues was actually the one who had hacked them in the first place so the company found that they had been scammed and tried to reclaim the funds they had given to the young lad and x200 be in court the judge found that it was more that probable that the young lad scammed the company the judge therefore asked the young lad whether he was able to repay the company the young lad told the judge all sorts of incoherent stories and strange alibis but mainly emphasized that the money was long gone in that he now was technically bankrupt like the rest of the arguments the judge was not buying it and kept asking whether he really did not have any money he could get a hold of just when the judge was about to give up on trying to ascertain the financial position of the young lad the young lad laughed and said out loud and in the middle of the courtroom h.a if they only knew I have a second bank just before he could finish his sentence my fellow lawyer screamed I advise you to really shut up now as to what happened next let's just say that it is not very smart to start bragging about your second and secret bank account in front of a judge who wants to impose a substantial repayment order on you you [Music]

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Id: qsNRXf3nRXA

Length: 31min 12sec (1872 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 25 2020