What is the story of the dumbest coworker you have ever worked with? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what's your story of the dumbest co-worker you've ever had the privilege of working with crash test Kevin the guy was amazingly accident-prone I worked with him over the course of nearly two years and it was simply amazing to watch we were environmental field techs performing field testing work on landfills he dropped his car keys into a groundwater monitoring well I don't even know how you do that but he managed to do it there is no way to recover your car keys from a 400 foot deep groundwater monitoring well and to this day I do not know if the keys would cause the water to come back hot meaning a failed sample he would forget when he placed his soil or water samples on top of his truck and would drive off destroying the samples meaning he would have to work late to collect them all over again this was a regular occurrence I seriously could type up dozens of examples of his stupidity but I think you get the idea a call center job new employees coming in all the time because the old ones quit so fast it was a legitimate ly awful job , he finished a week-long training program with the rest of his incoming class the GM came in to congratulate them all give a short speech etc our guy announced to the entire class and a man running the company that he hadn't had lunch yet then pulled out a burger and started munching on it his first day of actual work he left for two hours in the middle of the day to open a bank account without telling anyone these were just the things I heard about there were more at the end of his 60 day trial period he was informed that his services wouldn't be needed and he was free to pursue other employment opportunities he got down on his knees crying and begged for another chance the HR lady was so embarrassed she gave him one the next day he got into a screaming argument with a customer over the definition of a word and had to be dragged away from his desk by security because he wouldn't go willing and he was audible to other customers calling for help I have know how she even got into the program we worked in anesthesia our supervisor told her she had to get rid of her acrylic nails for obvious medical reasons she was told before she started she couldn't have him to take them off she put nail polish remover in the only cup she could find which was styrofoam and put it in the microwave because the heat would make the polish melt faster microwave was ruined and she burned all the tips of her fingers she should not be in a medical field she also turned to me after completing the basic CPR class and said do you feel confident saving someone I don't how many breaths do we do again plus I don't want to put my mouth if someone else's I don't know they give us one-way valves to carry with us for that purpose she thought it was a duck call summer job during college working assembly-line my job was to put two screws into each item that came down the line everyone else had a similarly mind-numbing task we'd all have been replaced by robots by now about once a week someone would bring in a rubber snake or spider and put it into a pot coming down the line when the part made it to Janet Janet would scream she would pick out the spider with her fingernails and put it on the line next to the part then the line would move and the spider would come to me I would wait until she wasn't looking and throw the spider back up the line to a guy that would put the rubber spider into a pot and send it down the line Janet would scream every time for an eight-hour shift we had an invoice that needed to be paid within 120 days dated a few months back she pulled up a calendar and started counting days one by one she looked at me and said are we really about to count to 120 double-quote I took the calendar and added up the days in each month plus the day of the month it currently was she looked at me wide-eyed and very genuinely said wow you're really smart double quote she had no sense of diet and that's fair some people don't get that information sadly she was then diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and decided to make major changes first she was going to eat more fruit and less candy so she came into work and saw that I was tired and said Mukul you look tired that's low blood sugar it was 4:30 AM here have some fruit she opens her purse which is completely filled with Laffy Taffy banana flavor she also switched to only drinking orange soda all day again the fruit she was constantly having blood sugar issues and wouldn't listen any of us idiots about how she's just piling sugar into herself it was fruit you dummies worked at a retail store one gentleman who had been working there for a few years was working the register we sold big appliances a couple comes in to buy a washer and dryer with cash $100 bills my coworker marks every bill with one of those counterfeit pens if the bills are fake it will be a dark color and if they are real they will be yellowish well everyone turned black and he called the police police came turns out my coworker used a permanent marker and not a counterfeit pen to check each $100 bills I worked in a warehouse that sorted vegetables for various grocery stores and restaurants with a guy named Bing he was about 50 since the warehouse was full of boxes of fruit and vegetables it got pretty ripe smelling to combat the stench of rotting food there was a massive fan some a 10 feet high for some reason there was no cover over it so these giant metal blades were whizzing around all day completely open we often throw things at it like watermelons they would get completely destroyed and it was fantastic one day after throwing a particularly juicy watermelon in ping decided he'd show off again about 50 years old to the new secretary by putting his head in the fan it nearly cut his ear off shattered his orbital and broke a bunch of his teeth way better than the watermelons she wasn't done by any means just incredibly naive I was training her to be a server at a sit-down fast-food joint my shoe came untied and I pretended to be upset she asked why and I told her I couldn't find velcro shoes that were non-slip she then tied my shoes kind of like a fast-food Jesus would do I always f ked with people as much as I could get away with but she was genuinely trying to help she eventually worked her ass off and she would f ck with me as often as possible so I guess it worked out well the dumbest person I worked with at that job was the one that quit her job while homeless because her unemployed boyfriend wouldn't let his pregnant girlfriend work in a place where he couldn't watch her the entire shift management banned him because he would spend eight hours shifts watching her and yelling at her if she talked to male customers or employees I hope upon hope they put that kid up for adoption Bobby working as a valet at a hotel whenever someone needed their car from the garage we will drive another car to the garage park it then bring up the car that was requested wasn't much organization so you pretty much would park wherever you could find a spot then wander around the garage and find the car you were looking for Bobby was tasked with this one day drove to the garage got out of the car wandered around for a little bit then brought back the same car he parked because he forgot which one was which I had a co-worker who carefully crafted an email to a friend disparaging the prospects for the company and its stock he then sent it to the entire company including the CEO and the entire board of directors realizing his mistake Lee tried in vain to recall the missive shortly thereafter his phone rang and he headed off to the CEOs office at a brisk pace the look on his face was one of someone whose life had taken a turn for the worse we next saw him a half-hour later carrying an empty box and escorted by someone from HR 20 minutes later he was out the door never to return worked as overnight stocker at a home improvement store we had a guy who would operate our order picker a fork truck with a rising platform instead of forks to put things like water heaters refrigerators et Cie away instead of pushing the bulky stock onto the shelves while in the air he would step on to the shelves and pull the products onto it only to get himself stuck between the beams of the shelf and the product itself it would become an almost weekly occurrence where he would have to grab some ladders climb up the shelf and get him unstuck to this day I have no idea why he didn't get his license taken away mayor so I work for my local towns Park and Recreation Department and have been since my sophomore year of high school well last year after I graduated high school three of my friends and I drove to Florida for a whole week live in NC and during that time I managed to lose the keys to our town work truck the credit card in the lids to several machines according to my coworker and longtime friend whom my brother and I got hired on said I had lost all of those working with him that week dumb CNT forgot that I was in Florida law and our boss knew that I worked in a restaurant with a girl who fit the description one day in the daylight basement where the prep kitchen and walk-in fridge are she was slicing Tomatoes I came down to get something from the walk-in and she immediately started yelling at me to shut the door and not let a cold air into the room that she was freezing and had been wearing a sweater all day this is winter in Oregon so yeah it's f king cold sometimes then I noticed the window behind her is open the large completely open window that is directly behind her is wide open she could have fallen out of it when I mentioned this she just kind of stared at it for a second and said oh yeah I guess so they worked in the deli attached to the store I workout and two of my favorite stories were when they repeatedly cook chickens with their plastic wrappings still on them and when taking a full tray of sausages out of the oven they walked to the hot counter SOI was rather full and instead of moving stuff around to make space just walked straight to the bin and dumped the whole tray didn't understand why that wasn't the right thing to do I work at a law firm and one of our legal secretaries was putting paper in the shredder in the back room for months before anyone realized he had been feeding paper into one of those big metal gray electrical boxes that has a hundred warning stickers with lightning bolts all over them indicating a fire and electric shock hazard I don't know what the box does tbh that's a transformer and it gets hot not necessarily hot enough to burn paper until some number stuffs it full and prevents air from circulating and cooling it thus lot she was stuffing paper into our intended to allow air flow and prevent idiots from getting killed by shoving their fingers in there's always a level of burning the entire building down stupidity that can't be designed away I had a co-worker once who came into work really upset one night I asked her what was wrong and she said someone had stolen her identity I expressed sympathy for her and asked if she knew how it had happened I had no idea if she had lost her card or there was some sort of data leakage so she tells me she's home alone one night when the phone rings it was an employee from windows and he said that there was something wrong with her computer and he can help her fix it he just needed some information to get into her account so she gave it to him I never thought anyone could actually fall for that scam I worked at a small collection agency they hired an hour person and she was interesting on Veterans Day she made a poster to celebrate the employees that were former military it said something like we hone her and salute you I emailed her and let her know the poster had on a misspelled Ozona she went on about how she has a college education and I don't and how dare I blah blah now the email I sent her was to actually help her so she wouldn't be embarrassed but she was a t I am better than you btch about it so I sarcastically conceded and agreed that my lack of college degree proves I am wrong about ten minutes later she fixed the misspelling after several of our veterans pointed out her mistake Rob Rob wasn't very bright like one of our co-workers suggested toothpaste and ketchup make great masturbatory lubricants and he came to work the next day and told us about his experience he also showed him how to give himself a bj and he injured himself additionally one time he got a tiny bit of nitric acid on his smock so he stripped down completely naked and was taking a shower in the emergency shower by then female supervisor happened to be walking by unnoticed him huge saucer eyes was hilarious and asked me why Rob was naked taking a shower and asked that I go check it out yeah probably one of the dumbest non-disabled people I have ever met software engineer here in SQL there's a function called coalesce which is used when you have one or more input and need to ensure that whatever is returned is not null it's very helpful well works with a guy who was absolutely terrible both personally and technically he loved talking about the above-mentioned function like his knowing about it was a badge of honor or something except that he called it the colace function consistently the fact that he misspoke was funny enough and probably also forgivable were colace not the brand name of stool softener so that guy oh man this freaking goal I worked with was so dumb we worked at Disney working on a ride and whenever our fire alarm would go off which happened a lot like way too much we had to leave a cave one from the building and cycle out the ride vehicles that was still out on the track with guests on them acha have them automatically come back to the station so we could unload the guests we're supposed to stay calm and tell people that were having technical difficulties very rarely does Disney evac the whole building for technical difficulties bTW if the whole building clears out including the Q line there's a bigger problem for your information this b tch did not do any of that so she was at main console akka was in charge of the ride when the fire alarm starts blinking she freaks out she slams down on the east stop which shuts off full power to the right and turns the damn lights on guests are like WTF no-one on dock knows what just happened BC she didn't call anyone to say we had a signal 25 fire so none of us know wTF is going on but lights are on Andi stop is pressed so we gotta get these people out of the building and off the ride but then we find out that what actually happened was a fire and she shuts off full power to the ride which means that the ride has stopped and the guests on it are potentially burning to death out on the ride with the fire and we have to go onto the track and the possible fire and go get them we were so pissed and the whole time this b tch is panicking and freaking guests out a coordinator comes up and asked wTF is going on and we explained and I sway he was gonna wring her neck thankfully the fire wasn't anything serious and we were able to get the guests off alright but damn everyone was pissed I used to work with this guy who was the world's biggest compulsive liar it was insane the stuff this guy said we live in Alaska and he claimed to be friends with a ton of celebrities not only that but all completely different celebrities he said he was friends with Kevin Hart Kobe Bryant Seth Rogen Lil Jon just a huge plethora of random people that I know he's never even met he also claimed he had millions of dollars tied up in some bank account that a bunch of different people screwed him out of so all of the money was just sitting there but he couldn't access it then there were the stories he told daily about having threesomes every night countless health problems he claimed to have all of these crazy horrible things that happen to him because he just has such bad luck the works the craziest part of the whole thing was that he either a come or believe all of these insane things he was saying or be , thought that what he was saying was believable enough that other people would believe it the whole thing was just wild not my story but my friend used to work at a famous toy store that went out of business years ago she was a manager and was in the back doing some paperwork and an employee nervously approached her saying he wasn't sure if he should take the money a costumer gave him my friend asked what was wrong with the money and he showed it to her it was black and white and only was printed on one side she came out to tell the guy he would not be getting the PlayStation he was trying to buy and the guy just snatched it and ran I knew a woman that would disinfect her keyboard every morning like spray her computer with a cleaning solution and wipe it down like she was scrubbing a toilet not long after she complained to IT that several of her keys were no longer working I had a co-worker once who got into the habit of writing notes for herself in sharpie on her CRT screen and later wiping them off with alcohol actually is coworker the right word for someone who works at another office who you've only met once in ten years whatever the right word 'yes she was one of those to me , she continued doing this after IT switched her over to an LCD screen which is a plastic membrane instead of glass after a few days she complained that the image was getting wavy had someone new start who had some experience I spent literally months repeating myself about the most basic T and finally had enough so told her if she has trouble remembering she should write things down you know like normal people would she then proceeded to call me a b tch in pig latin to her friend over the phone in earshot of me I stepped out to call my s O half laughing because this 44 year old grown-ass woman used Pig Latin thinking I a 25 year old time wouldn't understand what she was saying did I mention her job was piss easy she took less than a quarter of my workload I could do her job in an hour main reason she was hired was so that whenever I was on leave vacation there was someone there to do my work without it being stressful and vice versa she lasted in the job nine months nine months to f king long [Music]

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Id: gmt_YVTpukA

Length: 20min 32sec (1232 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 27 2019