What Is The Most Common Way Parents Screw Up Their Kids? (r/AskReddit)

therapists subreddit what is the number one thing parents did to screw up their kids so they had to seek help in adulthood behavioral therapists here catch your kids being good parents are always telling kids what they did wrong you have to balance it out by telling them what they are doing right yes this goes for educators to make sure kids don't end up being the bad kids because all you do is pick up on their disruptive behavior teaching them that failure is unacceptable a sign of laziness or that they just didn't want it enough it results in people who can't take no for an answer or stare terrible situations because that's what they've chosen so they have to make it work therapists here l MFT probably the biggest and most common freak up I see is parents shaming their child for having their own identity and personal interest separate from the parent s just support your kid and don't try to force them to be someone they're not don't call them weird or tell them their likes are stupid show interest in the things they like can let them teach you about those things also don't take it personally if your child is not an exact replica of you kids are human and like all humans despite all our similarities their vast differences as well you can learn to celebrate and value those differences or everyone can be miserable may the child take care of the parents emotions it's supposed to be the other way around you control your sadness anger disappointment don't make your kid anticipate your emotional response and work to regulate you therapist here also I see a number of teams and some of the things I have noticed in the population that really does a number on them are parents failing to keep their promises and consistently repeating the promises and never fulfill them when your child does something wrong don't sweep it under the carpet be passive-aggressive or stonewalling not trusting them enough always in helicopter mode not validating their feelings hey it is okay you are angry anger is an emotion your kids have the right to feel that this also goes for not encouraging them to discuss their emotions not apologizing when you should you are a human as much as your child irrespective of how old he or she is when you are in the wrong say sorry and talk about what you can do differently next time you are setting a positive model for your child please remember lack of communication I cannot even emphasize enough how many teens I see or clients and general lack communication skills social worker for 25 years inconsistencies poor kid oh never knows how to react because they never get a consistent response what's more terrifying than a father who is always angry as a father who is sometimes angry and you never know when ignoring a child's emotional life by scolding them for having won or telling them to suck it up it's remarkable the amount of clients I see that need to learn that having feelings is Achaean not a cause for alarm or punishment constant invalidation you shouldn't feel sad you were being too hyper and that is why you are being punished seems innocent enough even without context shouldn't feel sad is a problematic statement though people feel what they feel no matter the context so you need to talk to your child why are you sad is it because you are being punished timeout won't last forever you only have one minute left I still love you blah blah blah whatever works for your family dynamic but children need to be able to appropriately label their feelings from a young age I am sad because I didn't get what I wanted I can do better in the future and maybe get what I want boom I'm out of a job and there are many parents who cannot do this and they cannot teach their children to do it either I used to work as a counselor the thing that stood out the most to me was the number of people usually women and the oldest female sibling who were saddled with the leftover parenting duties the actual parents couldn't handle whether it was babysitting all the time being the parents shoulder to cry on being responsible for all of the housework dealing with the financial burden of raising a family this led to wonderful smart young women who were so used to caring for everyone else being the rock that their teenage years childhoods were essentially non-existent in their adult relationships suffered as a result but from memory it's called parent ocation and it is incredibly unfair young people find themselves in this type of situation I was the eldest of four this there was more but the hardest part about parent if ocation is also feeling unseen or the idea that your needs can get taken care of later after everyone else's and guess what later never comes it'll get buried but I'm a psychologist and my answer is shame making them feel ashamed as a disciplinary technique is one of those things that can blow up a minor issue into something that really sticks with you were still when it's concerning puberty and biological processes worse even still when it's concerning things the child can't help therapists here not being emotionally available to the child the child needs love recognition and the feeling of security even good parents who are unable to be emotional available or show feelings can negatively impact a child not only will the child not have their feelings responded to or reciprocated leading to more dysfunctional coping mechanisms they won't have the blueprint of how to soothe themselves or their own children in time perpetuating the experience clincial psychologists here failing to show proper range of different levels of emotions a lot of parents only show their emotions when they explode off flow over with emotions I see a lot of patients who only saw outburst 10 out of 10 or total avoidance of emotions 0 out of 10 but they never saw their parents be sad or angry on a level 4 or 6 basically show anger or fear in a normal way actual children's therapist here I had a client's parents drop services because they had gotten an intro to psychology book and the client was already seven it's too late for them it's past their critical development period art parents asking whether 20% is when you got eighty percent like never being good enough my therapist has been making me realize my dad and stepmom don't validate my emotions and has been trying to teach them how to it's crazy because I never really noticed it before really if I'd get upset about something my dad would always be like don't get upset or you don't need to cry stuff like that I would highly recommend the book running on empty it's about all the stuff that was supposed to happen the build I had the same feeling like oh I had no idea when a thing was missing I wish more attention would be paid to emotional neglect teacher here my best advice is only have kids if you want kids if you treat your kids poorly doesn't matter the reason they learn poor treatment treats you kids like you love them not believe or support a child who has experienced physical abuse debauchery or blamed the child for their experience or any other personal trauma really divorced parents who badmouth the other parent in front of the child are essentially telling the child that 50% of the child is hated I'm a family therapist and scapegoating is what I see as the most long-lasting for any kid imagine being in a family and everyone is essentially doing similar things you're doing but you are 100% blamed for the dysfunction it makes kids feel worthless and have a long lasting complex of not being good enough as they essentially try and try to appease parents that just won't ever see their value not a therapist but speaking from experience if you ignore the signs of your child's obvious neurological cognitive disorders because you don't want to have to change your own daily routine to accommodate for your child's needs and or because you don't want to be seen as those parents with our special kid then congratulations you didn't have to be the parents with the special kid now you have to be the parents with a special ad who still lives in your house and will require daily care for the rest of their life four conditions you failed to treat in the formative yes thank you and have a nice day my mom was a teacher and there was a little girl with developmental problems in the class she was nonverbal they refused to let their daughter learn sign language because they thought it would make her look instead they made her wear her talk box around her neck and she would push the buttons to say I need bathroom pretty despicable not a therapist but close friends foster children their mom had two kids boy 1 and girl 3 she didn't feed them or clean them at all so when they came to my friend's family they would always gorge on food and eat anything and everything that came their way because they were never sure about where and when their next meal was going to come from one time we caught the boy sneaking around the kitchen making himself a bowl of cereal without anyone around because he didn't want anyone else to share it it's extremely sad to see because they're such sweet kids but the comfy rule around food don't freaking discourage the use of medicine to fix mental health issues for Frick's sake Frick you mom holy crap yes I've been going to therapy for five or six years and my mom keeps getting mad because the grounding techniques my therapist gives me for anxiety attacks don't cure my anxiety the doctor recommended medication and she said no B C therapy apparently solves all the mental health problems emotionally and validating your children example child comes running up to mummy screaming with a minor cut child it's hurts parent no it doesn't you okay it's just small keep playing yes the cut is small and the kid is okay but that wasn't the point the child was trying to tell you something important to them and you told them it wasn't real this enforces the idea that you won't listen and eventually that child becomes the angry sullen teen who screams the same psychologist here the one I've seen causing the most long-term damage is addiction especially all chile's and because it's legal acceptable and people are were expected to drink at least socially with the damage sometimes we begin during the formation in the womb goes until death all chu'lak parents raise kids that are insecure either for lack of parental support or due to the instability of their parents or environment have low self-esteem either because they were humiliated over and over by drunk parents or due to the feeling of lacking the power to help the parents emotional dullness being a control freak due to taking care of the drunk adults or neglected siblings the list is huge it's 2020 and people still don't treat all sure with the scrutiny we should it's by and large the drug that must cause damage to the human race so far not a therapist but with the amount of therapy I've been through I should be by now one neglect I was the kid that wore the same clothes for months and washed sleeping in pee soaked sheets with fleas getting hungry and surprisingly I have worked hard for years to overcome super low self-esteem and addiction issues food hoarding and other self-preserving behaviors as well too active and repetitive mental physical emotional abuse do I need to explain this 3 lack of emotional expression for example when a kid gets hurt in a parent says you're fine don't be such appeal completely invalidating emotions if the kid says I'm sad and the parent says you have nothing to be sad about it just sets up the idea that what you're feeling isn't right or real-valued compounded by deciding sharing your internal experience isn't worth it anymore this one really messed me up a lot took yrs to even be able to label my emotions let alone tell someone else about them therapists here the most common issue I come across as enabling children some parents have the ability to actually make excuses or reasons for every challenging behavior and place blame on other people they are more interested in being seen as friends with their kids than actually parenting and seeing that their children are learning making mistakes it creates a type of child that is a lazy perfectionist unwilling to be accountable or try anything outside of their comfort zone by fear adulthood for these kids psychologists here bringing an abusive new partner into the child or teens life and then choosing the partner over the kids second place not repairing by apologizing when you made mistakes as a parent you have been spotted by the money pigeon comment gimme gimme and he will bless you with good fortune if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 76,882

Rating: 4.9426064 out of 5

Keywords: parenting, bad parenting, parents, therapy, therapist, therapy session, child therapy, children, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: sdLFspvo1u8

Length: 13min 9sec (789 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 24 2020