What Is The Funniest Thing You've Ever Seen Right In Front Of You? (r/AskReddit)

what is the funniest thing you've ever witnessed right in front of you so i'm sitting outside a boating sourdough bakery in san francisco near the fisherman's wharf and see the guy come out with one of their bread bowls full of soup now if you've never been here let me tell you the seagulls are everywhere and pretty aggressive about trying to get your food so the guy goes and sits down and starts eating his clam chowder and the birds are everywhere squawking like seagulls do and you can see it's irritating this guy so he makes the mistake of tearing off a piece of bread and throwing it to the gouse he thought it was bad before but once they knew they could get food out of him he was surrounded so one of the seagulls lands near the guy and is standing with its back to him about five feet away the guy gets up walks over and kicks the [ __ ] out of this bird as soon as he turns around he realizes this was a mistake i would say there were 50 seagulls on this guy's food he then screams oh i see how it is you send your [ __ ] friend to distract me while you sons of [ __ ] enjoy my food it was quite funny tl dr seagulls are jerks i was sitting at some traffic lights a few weeks ago and a guy on a fancy racing bicycle rode up onto the traffic island to wait across except he forgot he was wearing those shoes which clip into the pedals so he stopped balanced for a second and then just toppled over at that moment the lights changed to green so i had to drive off one of the funniest things i ever saw i worked at santa's village a down market amusement park in the 80s see adventureland for an exact replica of the scene standing in my carnival game booth i watched a kid stagger off the spinning teacup ride a good distance away and then veered easily this way and that until he wound up directly in front of my booth at the very center of my field of vision he paused a second puked up everything he ever ate in his entire life and then staggered out of frame it was like this perfectly choreographed little movie scene i can still play in my head thank you 80s kid you were and still are hilarious this could be good for my part i was once in a classroom when in the middle of the lecture some kid in the front row got a phone call he stood up said loudly i'll be there right away whipped off his hoodie revealing a cape and a superman as he then ripped away his velcro pants and whooshed up the stairs and out the door everyone was dead silent the professor who is quite funny then remarked thank god he's catching up with the times a few years ago i was playing pictionary with my wife and her parents when it was my turn i had to draw the bearded lady i'm terrible at drawing so i came up with some stick figure with boobs and a beard with a large triangle behind it it was supposed to be a circus tent everyone starts guessing but no one is close suddenly my father-in-law jumps up and shouts vagina clitoris clitoris he was so caught up in getting the right answer that he just kept shouting it at this point we all lost it i have never laughed so hard in my life my mother-in-law still has a bearded lady posted on her fridge edit i was able to get the bearded lady scanned note my arrow in an attempt to point out a beard also i should point out that my fill was across from me so it was upside down to him i was traveling through the south a few years ago and eating at a restaurant on the side of the highway in the afternoon as i turned around from the counter to walk to a table the car came crashing through sitting area because it was rolling flipping it landed on its wheels and two grossly overweight african-american women were sitting in the front seats i stood there in shock like everyone else for a few seconds as everything got quiet you could hear the driver yell out oh hell no i just got my hair did needless to say the two passengers were fine and no one got hurt in the restaurant but i laughed for hours because the two ladies were all upset about their hair luckily the restaurant was mostly empty single mom at the beach with her i would estimate three-year-old son the kid is having a very good day playing in the sand all of a sudden she gets a phone call and starts yelling at who i presume is the father has a fit and grabs the kid and starts telling him it is time to leave she is pulling him along by the arm and he getting dragged and she is yelling on the phone finally the kid lets go and he turns around to yell at him it is time to leave and to hurry up the kid standing there in his water wings sun hat and holding his yellow sand bucket yells at his mom i am a kid my legs aren't long enough i can't move that fast what do you expect everyone around just started cracking up was at the movies with a buddy he went to take a [ __ ] so i entered the store right next to his for a reason i can't remember then came right back out a few seconds later this gigantic 300 pounds black fellow comes in and sits in the store i was previously in my buddy who thinks i'm still in the store wipes his ass then starts waving the poop covered toilet paper to the guy in the stall i've never seen anyone yell so many curse words in public before while all this was happening i was on the bathroom floor crying and laughing harder than i ever have before i was at a sci-fi convention with a friend and we get on the hotel elevator a 10 year old also girl gets undressed as seven of nine and these two fat guys dressed as jedi behind us start mocking her for not having the goods to fill out that costume [ __ ] gross my friend who is also rather large turns around looks them up and down and starts heckling them for being fat jedi can't you use the force to put those [ __ ] m m's down the pizza is calling you to the dark side do you have to use the force to get your fat ass into those robes those aren't even jedi robes those are the hotel bathrobes everyone in the elevator was cracking up and when the girl got off on the next floor she had a great big grin on her face turned around and high-fived my friend on her way off the elevator the fat jedi got off on the next floor as fast as they could it wasn't even the floor they were supposed to get off my university choir went to finland one year which was an amazing experience the day we arrived my brain was a bit foggy from the jet lag but i wanted to take advantage of being there so i went with my friends to explore helsinki i was walking down the street talking to one of my friends next to me when i walked straight into a pole i wasn't hurt at all just surprised but as i collected myself i noticed that the only person who had noticed aside from my friend was this random finnish dude on the other side of the street who was intensely cracking up from what he had seen i think the sight of him laughing uproariously at my stupid moment is one of the funniest sights i've ever seen a very large woman that a scrabble tournament decided to loosen up before her first game so as a hundred people listened to the rules of the tournament she got on the floor and started doing all kinds of stretching and aerobics it wouldn't have been so bad if she wasn't 350 pounds and wearing a summer dress i was in the third grade and i had done the most important thing in my short life by then by becoming friends with the popular girls the popular girls and i grew to be very close and would hang out all the time one day heads popular girl summons us and says we're going behind the hills the other damsels hop along toward the hills together while i stay skeptically trudge along once there all the girls lie down on the grass behind the hills so they are not visible by the knocks that patrol recess and make you stand at the wall if you misbehave once they've all laid down i can't help but ask what are you guys doing and head popular girl responds with them we're having sex with our imaginary boyfriends i laugh uncomfortably and they actually proceed to have sex with air at eight years old just driving on the floor and not even knowing what they're doing and making sounds quite funny very uncomfortable i was walking through my neighborhood on a sunday morning loudly singing me say day me say day o and a jamaican guy popped his head out of the trunk of a car and sang daylight come in one go home he had been packing the trunk or something and i couldn't see him it was wonderful my best friend and i are obsessed with ghost hunting so we naturally went on the ghost tour that is offered in old town albuquerque nm we were the only two locals but there were about seven people from canada we get to this haunted window in a building that is now a restaurant however we failed to realize we were the only two people standing in front of the window only about a foot away as we listened to this ghost story we were staring into this window without realizing the restaurant was still open and bam a lady basically runs past the window we were so scared we were screaming at the top of our lungs i couldn't move and my best friend grabs me around the waist and tries to run off with me i'm five feet nine inches and she's five feet two inches it isn't until we finally get ourselves together that we look up and realize we scared one of the canadian guys so badly he had taken off running and was now a block and a half away but the three of us looked really stupid but it's still one of my favorite memories i was at camp as a kid one summer and the tedious counselor was telling a story everyone thought he was boring but for once he had our attention we stood in a circle in some woods watching as his tale telling became more animated due to our attention at a climactic moment of his story he pointed skyward and inclined his head saying and i looked up at that moment a bird flew over and sat on his forehead i thought i would stop breathing from laughing so hard my brother slammed a door on his head because according to him my arm speed was greater than my head speed in eighth grade i had a friend named roland who was about four feet tall and another friend named carl who was about 200 pounds and about five feet seven inches during lunch in the cafeteria cole was getting his food and roll and noticed his sweatpants sitting on the bench roland put on carl's sweatpants over his own clothes and proceeded to walk around with them pulled up over his head cole saw it and ran to catch roland we had tears in our eyes from laughing as carl chased his own sweatpants around the cafeteria maybe not the funniest but this annoying little girl was weaving recklessly through a crowd of people at the mall i could see the scene from above as i rode the escalator up she tripped and fell and spilled her bag of skittles all over the place and particularly in front of a shoe store as she got up an employee standing at the front of the store told her in a heavy indian accent taste the rainbow a very very icy parking lot and a bunch of high schoolers rushing to their car i saw at least 20 people slip and fall that day i really enjoy watching people fall once at college there was a nice spot on the walkway outside our dorm covered in a light dusting of snow my friends and i all slipped on our way home later from our common room window we saw others falling within half an hour 11 of us had gathered around the windows with tea and popcorn watching every single person who walked down that path fall or flail crazily to keep from falling one time a really tall guy wound up doing a chicken dance for about seven feet but managed to stay upright at the end there was vigorous applause but not from our room we rushed outside turned around and saw that at least four other windows in our dorm had crowds gathered around them we waved and eventually all gathered on the lawn for an impromptu falling party some big 300-plus pound dude was lambasting some girl for being too skinny and was saying you look like you need a freaking donut you twig a little eight-year-old nearby said you ate them all it would have been kind of funny regardless but the fact it was such a young kid made it hilarious my sister and two cocker spaniels were out back sliding glass door closed the two dogs decide to run a full sprint inside ba bam both dogs collide with the door then my unaware sister does the exact same thing it all happened in about six seconds while on a motorcycle trip across half the country my father and i witnessed the tail end of a possible road rage incident we were riding up the highway when one car passed a pickup and didn't think much of it about five minutes later we round a bend and there are both cars parked on the shoulder drivers in midfister cuffs as we passed i looked over and the fighters were so involved in their battle they forgot to take the terrain into account felon rolled down a slightly steep hill together it wasn't until we stopped for a break about an hour later that my dad laughs and says oh and what the [ __ ] was that fight about anyway i had forgotten about it until then and all i saw in my mind was those two bozos tumbling down a hillside and kicking up a dust cloud [ __ ] new mexico i was at a concert with a friend of mine and she had to go to the bathroom so i waited outside now the bathroom in this place is located by an escalator i looked over to this obviously very drunk women pissing underneath of the escalator all i could think was wow that then as she proceeds to stand up she slips in her own piss and lands flats on her face in the piss i lost it best concert ever my cousin yelling er like lil john and the guy in the car next to us responding with ocular high school chemistry teacher demonstrating reaction between calcium carbide and water test for the presence of acetylene with burning splint experiment instructions emphasized multiple times that only a single crystal of calcium carbide should be used arsenal poured the whole bottle into the petri dish and then sent the class nut to the office when he tried to interrupt the guy when he actually tested for acetylene his whole upper body was engulfed in a fireball that shot up hit the ceiling and left a black soot ring the guy was okay except every hair on his head had been singed off in high school me and my mates were stood in a circle just talking waiting for the teacher to turn up to lettuce inside this was after dinner break or lunch and hundreds of seagulls flocked to the playgrounds to scavenge food one of those seagulls shattered my mate's face my mate being quite hard read a bit of a jock few merkins shouted all right who [ __ ] spat on me you're [ __ ] dead we were on the floor laughing and then the realization on his face when he knew it wasn't spitting in fact birdshite he actually said it's not spit is it with a grin on his face i still crack up now thinking about it edit i know what a merkin is we use it as a slang term around these parts if i found reddit and made an account it's pretty certain i know what a [ __ ] top is i subscribed to wtf and i'd wager there's a subreddit specifically for merkins we had a halloween party with a pinata because [ __ ] candy anyway one guy was dressed as tent dangle and one guy was dressed as the hamburglar somebody knocked the pinata off the rope and without missing a beat the hamburglar picked up the pinnator and took off dangle drew his gun and immediately gave chase yelling into his fake police radio all the way down the street [Music] you

Channel: Best Posts & Comments

Views: 7,349

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Keywords: r/ask reddit, r/ askreddit, best posts and comments, askreddit top posts, reddit top posts, askreddit funny stories

Id: jS_gwRSjH3c

Length: 16min 42sec (1002 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 27 2020