What's Your Most Bad A$$ Escape?

what was the most baddest escape you've ever made I'll start nsw one of my greatest college moments was a lucky escape I was having a really crappy day and was waiting for the city bus after a rough day of classes I just wanted to get home get my bus on and game a little bit I was waiting for the bus on a one-way street before the bus got there on SUV with three frat guys had pulled up and they had their window down and were making fun some guy at the bus stop it's been eight years maybe so I can't remember exactly what they were saying to him but I think he was foreign possibly an exchange student but they were blowing this guy a whole lot of crap as I mentioned I was already having a bad day and these guys caught me at the wrong time or something I'm not confrontational and I've never been in a fight in my life but at this moment I was heated so the light turns green and the guy riding shotgun is hanging out the window and talking crap as they drive away in a moment of blind rage I picked up their nearest thing to me which ended up being a half drank Starbucks coffee from that morning or something and sidon this thing right at this car and wouldn't you know it it was a direct hit on this guy as they are driving away at some point the lid came off the coffee I'm not sure if it was before it hits him or afterwards but this cold coffee ended up splashing all inside the moving vehicle as they were turning left through this light I can only hope it sprayed the other Dowie bags and there as well if it was CS it would have been a heck of an aid sauce everyone else waiting for the bus sheared me the car kept going and hung another left I could tell and I assumed was going to circle the block and come back after me I was like well fricking it's on now hopefully someone at this bus stop gets my back but let's do this just then not one but two city buses pull up at the exact same time two different routes this happened occasionally it was pretty rare from my experiences waiting there but that day my luck had finally changed I hop on the one that will take me home and make my escape as we pull away I look out the window and see the car I had hit driving frantically and following the other bus that was going a different direction I can only hope that they followed us for every stop it had waiting for me to get off and wasted another couple hours of their time it was truly one of the greatest moments of my life they probably beat the crap out of the immigrant guy who got on the other bus I'm cruising down the highway when I see a cop going the other direction I look down and yep 12 over the speed limit I make the first left turn and look back to see the cop banger uee as I turn I speed down the road hightail it up a dirt driveway park the car and turn everything off I really didn't need to do that since it was broad daylight but I was over precautious sure enough the cop speeds down the road past my driveway with his lights on my one luck with that whole thing was it had just rained so the dirt and the driveway had and kicked up I left momentarily after the cop drove down the road it might not be a big deal but I can't begin to describe how milquetoast I can be and how rarely I do these little maneuvers okay so it seems that milquetoast has caused quite a stir I'm glad my choice of words today has sent some of you into a quixotic tizzy milquetoast a very timid unassertive spineless person especially one who is easily dominated or intimidated a milquetoast who's afraid to ask for a raise I used it as an adjective which goes against it's lonely noun status so I hope Mariam and Webster won't try to beat me up one night we had firecrackers a lot of firecrackers around 4:00 a.m. we decide to go to the local elementary school and light them off were going crazy having so much fun with it when my friend remarks you know this kind of sounds like were shooting guns at that moment a police cruiser pulls into the parking lot he flashes his lights once we all belt we start running through the field and over fences I look over the fence and noticed that there were three cop cars stopped they seemed to be talking to each other two of them leave with lights flashing and two officers get out of the other one and start bolting towards us we run fast we figure the cops will head towards the road so we run parallel hopping fences until we can go from it at one point the cops were gaming so we split up one cop followed each group I headed towards a large park suddenly I hear growling the biggest freaking dog ever it's looking at me it's angry I freeze up and the cop catches up to me he's coming towards me when I say dude no there is a pitbull right there and it is not happy I'll come with you just don't make any sudden movements we begin to back away slowly the cop motions meets Awards a gate I go first and he stands guard as soon as I'm out that gate I bolt again I felt bad if the cop was not going to catch me there was no way he could move fast enough to not peel that dog I got away the cop was really pee I could hear him lumbering around while I hid in some trees swearing around 15 minutes later he finds out that some of my friends are cornered and goes to help them out one friend got caught and charged with a misdemeanor he ratted no one out good times backed when I was 19 I went to Disney with my family I am the youngest of four children and all of my siblings and their souls were of age so my brothers and sister decide to take me to Downtown Disney one night and the hopes I can party with em one of my brothers pulled a sneekly and under the table when now waiter at some restaurant was checking ages it worked though I don't think we fooled him I think he just gave me a break Here I am 19 and downtown Disney with the will to drink as much as I want in this particular bar so naturally we start hammering car bombs I am plastered within the hour and my siblings and I end up at this club with a revolving dancefloor my sister-in-law decided that she did not want to drink anymore so she took off her bracelet and hacked it onto my wrist which worked and I was getting served at the revolving floor club next thing I know I am dancing with the hottest girl in the place I am a bit of a nerd so this is pretty new to me at the time we are dancing away I have a drink in my hand when I feel this strong grasp on my shoulder disney police may have been a security guard I have no idea to this day I was trashed my hacked bracelet had fallen off in this guy is asking for mired I tell him I don't have it on me and he said I had to go with him to the Disney police station I don't know where this came from but the following words came out of my mouth led the way the cop guard took my words too seriously and led the way I immediately did a 180 while ripping off my hat and shirt I had an undershirt on and stuffed them in my pants for a quick disguise you know that song where everyone gets in a line and the singer is going to the left to the left right step now I don't know the name of it well that song is playing in the whole club is dancing and tune to it while I am moving my way through the crowd on a revolving floor while a crap-ton of security guards police officers are looking for me this goes on for a couple minutes before one of my brothers finally finds me and helps me to a side exit I told him to hold on and I merge back into the line dance to score the hot girls number I escaped with the number and seven years later her and I are still together that is the best story with against the girl ending my uncle was on the 91st floor of the South WTC Tower felt and saw her plane freaking crash into the North Tower he and the two people he was with got the heck out of there as fast as they could he was about half a block away when the second plane hit I'd say that's probably better than any escape I've personally experienced my mom said he took both elevators down so I was at a college football game visiting my sibling as a teenager I was drinking quite a bit since this was a college that had excellent tailgating also I had brought a bag of herb with me I don't know why I brought a bag of herb with me besides the fact that I was smoking with friends before tailgating anyways my sister was able to find me a student it so that I could sit with her and my friends who attended the same College in the student section after drinking quite a bit I stumbled to the entrance to the stadium and sat in line to get in at the front of the line the security was searching people for hidden flasks because the stadium sold beer and clearly the college wanted to make money I as the drunk eunjin I was forgot about the weed in my pocket the security unfortunately found it so there I was caught by security being dragged up to the police table the cop at the table called for a squad car to come pick me up at that time I felt like a trapped animal sweat and anxiety rushing over me the security guy on orders from the cop pushed me over to the street to wait for the squad car however the street was so packed that the squad car would most likely be a couple of minutes as we stood next to the barricades a recent mother was attempting to push her stroller through the divide I in my drunk mind decided this was it I leaned back against the hand of the security guard to make room for the mother and he luckily responded to my movement by also moving back as soon as she made it through the barricade I jumped the divide and ran faster than I had ever run I sprinted through the crowd weaving between other drunk fans hearing their remarks as I passed knowing that the security guard was behind me but losing distance I made it through the first rough patch ripped off my sweatshirt and continued I slowed as the old channel began to take its toll on my endurance but was cheered one by a couple of drunk guys who yelled you can do better than that encouraged I picked up speed rounded a corner and dove between some parked cars waiting to see if the security guard had made the distance but luckily he did not after a couple of minutes I stood up shaking like heck and walked across the street off campus I then proceeded to violently throw up what seemed like the past couple days of food behind an apartment building to this day I try to imagine what went through the security guards head as he chased this drunk kid for a couple of blocks I sometimes wish I could talk to him about what was a very significant action in my life how he felt if he had given up to allow me to go if he was stopped by that encouraging group of drunks if he was embarrassed to lose me but then I take a deep breath at I realize how lucky I was to not have ruined my life that day I was on the edge of my seat that was awesome backed when I was in high school I was dating this girl we'd go back to her house after school and have some fun together quite often the house is a two-story house with a door to the front driveway down in the basement hangout area and a front door about five feet to the side and five feet higher middle of the two floors away from the basement door slid down in the basement having fun and her mom comes home well actually there's a window and we see her shadow walk by crab tacos so I scramble to get ready while her mom is fumbling with the keys to the house I put my hand on the basement doorknob and wait wait for her mom to start opening the front door the doors are visible to each other and both make a lot of noise I had to time this perfectly I time it and perfectly open the basement door as the front door opens her mom is opening the door and walking in and doesn't notice the other door open as I exit I then closed it when she closed it I hid behind her car in the driveway for about five minutes and then came back up to the front door as if I was just arriving I have that memory burned into the back of my mind it was executed perfectly bond you must time this perfectly not mine personally but still pretty crazy I knew a Catholic priest who had escaped the invasion of Poland during World War two according to his story the Nazis had prepared her boats and had told the priests and followers of the area that they could voluntarily flee the country on that boat his instinct told him it was a trap so he stayed back and later watched as the boat sailed away and exploded in the distance all was set on fire I don't remember he knew it was only a matter of time until he was persecuted and somehow through the chaos he grouped up with a photographer fella who knew of a group planning an escape at nightfall so they threw themselves into a pit of dead bodies plain dead until it was dark and so made their escape he died peacefully of old age in his church in Argentina yet pretty ironic place to go but dang TL DR priest evades Nazis by playing dead in a body pit behind enemy lines not my story but that of a teacher I had in high school apparently his school had a regular prank where the recent grads would come back to the high school on the night of prom and shut off the power to the school however the year my teacher participated that had put extra security in I don't remember the exact details of how he managed to get the power off without being deterred immediately but he didand was then spotted at this point he takes off through a neighborhood nearby jumping fences and running through yards in one of these yards he apparently trips on a small fence around a garden according to him the only thing it could have kept out of the garden was a turtle in when he fell he shattered his wrist but ended up escaping anyways the fun part is that after a week or two went by he finally decided to see a doctor about his wrist but they told him since he had waited so long his wrist had started to heal incorrectly and would need to be rebooted immediately so that it could be put in a cast he of course agreed to it until he found out that he would need to be put under heavy anaesthetic for the procedure under the effects of this medication he would have been unable to take his final that was the later that day so he told the doctor that he would do it without a medication the doctor broke his wrist and my teacher ended up taking that test that day with a freshly broken wrist TL DR teacher shattered his wrist after tripping on a total fence after shutting off the power to his high school and had the wrist for a broken later without anesthetic so he could take a final holy crap your teacher is bloody awesome my escape wasn't really baddest just bad back in high school I was casually seeing this girl who lived with her ridiculously overprotective dad he demanded that she was not to date let alone sleep with any boys until she was 18 she was 16 at the time this wasn't much other problem as my parents were cool so she would come over to my house and tell her dad she was going somewhere else anyway he goes away one weekend on a fishing trip so we decided to take advantage of this opportunity and spend Saturday night at her house we had just begun our steamy adventures when her dad returns home a day early bad weather or something and starts heading for the her room where we are both naked so I panic quickly grabbed my clothes and think to attempt an ambitious Superman leap out of her window followed by a commando roll on the grass below only problem was I didn't realize that her window was shut my head shatters the glass and I get stuck halfway trying to free myself I do a 180 with the glass digging into my stomach and back making scars I have to this very day my back was up against the window frame and I try and wiggle my way out of the glassy death trap headfirst her dad then opens the door to the sight of my legs flailing about trying to free myself my balls flapping against my thighs and my erection pointing for the sky which somehow hadn't faded despite all the blood loss I managed to free myself get dressed and run home before mum took me to the hospital tl doctor tried to superman my way out of a closed window to avoid crazy dad ended up waving all my junk in his face and giving myself permanent scarring I tore my ACL and meniscus in high school and with my freshly ruined knee and a full leg immobilizer went to the craziest party of my life I got rekt and decided to stumble home but unknowingly exited the house via a side door not the front door this side door had two additional steps that I was totally unprepared for basically I ate crap down the steps and my drunk Bart ended up face down in the yard because my leg was locked straight from my hip to my ankle and because I was OD high and drunk off my mug I couldn't get up I dragged myself through the yard to a low-hanging tree branch and hoisted myself standing as soon as I got vertical I was blasted with the cops car mounted spotlight thingie all right young man party's over stay where you are I gave them my most practiced hardened dgaf face and took off running down the street I hopped three fences and ran just over two miles with an incredibly engine II freaking thing has never been the same since and never will fully heal but I'll be goddamned if I'm not remembered as white lightnings forevermore as a person with a past knee injury you made me cringe sooo bad last night my girlfriend's mom walked in on us literally five seconds after we put our pants back on good thing I don't last for more than like 30 seconds otherwise that would have been a disaster so was an 18 year old college student I rely on my handy fake kid to buy liquor for myself and my friends the usual store is a Ralph's located conveniently close to campus I'll admit that I always get a bit nervous buying at a new store but I had purchased at Ralph's a few times and so this night was unremarkable as usual I smiled Amelie at the guard in the liquor aisle picked up a handle of tequila and headed towards the register where I was shunted away from the young stoner cashier and towards a severe-looking far older latina lady when asked to present MyID I did so without hesitation as both time and experience has proved it to be credible both to the iron to scanning and black lights being the older distrustful Clark in a college town she went to go scan it taking unusually long when she returned she informed me that she knew it was a fake and I had one chance to take it and go without question I am not usually overwhelmingly ballsy nor do I usually use the phrase Yolo but I refuse to simply leave I demanded she scan it again and asked for the manager she looked utterly skeptical but called over a manager and once again they retreated to scan mired together this time I was informed by the manager to simply take my hard and go now at this point I was in too deep the people behind me had been very understanding up until now and I could not stand the thought of being escorted out of the most commonly used store in my college town in front of so many people so I went for broke I demanded to see the card being scanned exasperated the manager led me over and showed me that under the black light the California State SEALs were not shining he proceeded to pull out his own and showed me how his were repeated three times brightly across the length of his aid but here was my chance I asked him when he had gotten his license last renewed to which he replied I don't know a shittin off time ago I guess I informed him that on the newest design of ID's the seals were far fainter than they had previously been butter balls and then quite frankly the most stupid moment of my life I asked the police officer standing next house to verify that in fact the new licenses had fainter Holograms and that MyID was real and remarkably incredibly he did he looked it over and told the manager it was legitimate and to stop giving me such a hard time I was escorted back to the register manager apologizing he gave me a $5 discount and left the store with the customers in line behind me actually applauding my having survived the 10-minute ordeal the TLDR used a cop to verify my fake ID and got my alcohol discounted for having to go to such trouble as a minor most cops don't actually give a frig you were probably amusing and he wanted his Snickers bar this was summer of sophomore year in high school and we thought it would be a great idea to have a party on a golf course hole we pitched a tent and all was well until 3:00 a.m. we saw flashlights not normal flashlights but cot LED flashlights three feet from our tent in my drunken stupor I reach in my pocket and without my pocketknife I cut a giant asshole through the tent and frickin ran they didn't chase me but still I thought it was pretty badass at the end of my stint as a used bookstore Lackey at one of the worst stores in the world I realized that I had been drawing dongs in books with a sharpie for months with no repercussions who turns out right when I quit a goddamn avalanche all customers started coming in complaining about finding magic marker dongs and their reading material I can easily see this in the local news borders boner books battled buyers freshman year rot college me and four frenzies to always talk about stealing parking gates around campus cars used to drive through them during the day knocking them down so there was always one or two lying around for the taking of course being freshmen this was mostly talk that didn't amount to much one night however when we all had drank enough liquid courage we decided that that was the night we would actually get them so we get all dressed in black and head up the door only to find that the campus authorities had already replaced all the broken ones from earlier in the day did we quit and go home nope we started breaking the dang things off feeling the rush off at first parking gate we all get jazzed up for some more and throw the gate into some bushes to pick up later we just start running buck wild around campus knocking these things down and hiding them in the bushes being very drunk it takes us a while to realize that nearly every corner we turned there seems to be police officers and it takes even longer to realize that they seem to be after us at this point we scatter and everywhere I turn I'm passing police officers I even talked to one at one point who asks if I've seen a group of kids knocking down parking gates why heavens no officer I have not somehow none of them seriously turned their attention on me or any of my scattered comrades one by one we all meet back up behind the Student Center to gauge the situation we look around and realize that despite being chased by the police we all took the time to go back to the bushes and retrieve the parking gates we have four of these bad boys amongst the five of us turning back home there is one more police car between us and freedom and our fifth and final parking gate we had knocked down swear to God we pulled some cartoon crap and casually walked past the police car about 40 yards away with the parking gates perpendicular to our bodies and they didn't notice we grabbed the last parking gate and run through some bushes to make it to the back entrance to our dorm that's not the end though the next morning we hear from some of the other kids on our floor that were participating in a large hack on the dome in the center of campus that we were all over the police scanners they used to monitor the hacks apparently they didn't need to worry about anything that night because all the campus police were focused on five idiots knocking down traffic gates they also heard that they were extremely close to nabbing us several times but couldn't seem to catch us to this day I have no idea how we escaped a part of me assumes they must have felt some sort of pity for five drunken buffoons zigzagging across campus carrying ten-foot parking gates around I was in the ninth grade and I was on the soccer team we we had a reputation for being basically uncontrollable bastards our coach the year before was a drunk and he often missed practices the new one was a young guy and he hadn't quite established much authority over us we enjoyed stealing wet floor signs fighting and other activities that in retrospect make us look like a bunch of annoying shoots anyways one day we decided to roll TP the old coach's house for betraying us we planned it well after an away game in a far corner of the state we would meet up at a park near the school in a subdivision and we centralized into one car there were about 10 of us who went I was in the truck bed lying down with three or four others a junior told me the three rules don't get caught always run and don't smudge I being a freshman took these to heart we drove for about five minutes to the other subdivision where he lived when we got there we divided the toil paper among ourselves and began our dirty work we spread out around the house and I did my part we did what we came to do for about ten minutes then we hear oh crap somebody had accidentally hit a window waking up the coach at this moment a friend of mine was putting a condom on the door when he starts to see the handle turn we start running like the wind the door flies open the coach stands with a shotgun and fires into the air with the guy at the door with the condom running for his life I run like I've never run before the truck we came in already was pulling away with those fortunate enough to be near it I ran down the street and about 25 metres down dashed into the woods across from the house I spirited through these woods and about a minute or so later ran into two others at this point we heard sirens at the meet up point was at 7 - 11 near a busy intersection in the daytime at least about one stroke to a mile away we ran like heck I lost my heart we sprinted across the intersection during allowing the traffic and fortunately the truck and a few of the others were waiting I hopped in the back and waited while the rest gathered I heard the peal of sirens however everybody made it back except one guy who gave us all up after he was held at gunpoint ironically this was the same guy who told me not to do just that I ran I didn't get caught and I didn't smoke but I still had to go clean up the next day it's still a heck of a good time you feel very alive running from a drunk Gulf War vet with a shotgun the chances of me snitching at gunpoint are roughly 100% in high school there was the dance where four schools would come together I got high before because they usually weren't that fun so when I got to the front gate I paid my twenty bucks a big burly security guard then screamed I smell brought and he looked straight at me and charged I grabbed my twenty books out of the money box singie and jerked him out and ran for the door we were inside in the cafeteria when I got outside I saw three cops sitting by a squad car immediately I pulled my shirt over my face and ran to the front gate of the school the gate is about 15 featuring high so I had to scale that with three cops three school security people with golf carts and the principal on me all while my shirt was over my head it was light enough outside to see through it after that I ran whilst being chased by golf carts and police cars into the park and into my grandma's house the cops searched the house but I was hiding in the Attic my grandma didn't hear me come thirty minutes later I just walked home changed and went back to the dance the next day at school I was freaking out but they didn't know it was me due to the shirt on my head and not supper cool but still a good story to tell friends my high school days it was a Friday afternoon and being a normal high school senior I walked home from school and started rolling myself a blunt everything was routine until I received a text from a girl Katie I had met at a party the weekend prior she knew our lived close to the school and wanted me to give her a ride home taking the chance for a couple minutes alone with an attractive girl I scrambled to finish my blunt all but ran to grab my keys and hop in my truck I pull up next to her in the parking lot five minutes later and she hops in I get an unexpected peck on the cheek this is going better than expected it's about a 20-minute ride and we get talking by the time we get there she's telling me about a party she's going to tomorrow and I decide to press my luck and ask her to smoke with me to my surprise she accepts and invites me this is going very very well long story short we both end up on her couch I'm at a four and feeling pretty good about it clothes are being thrown on the floor at a fairly decent rate then the garage door oh crap what a freak Katie mumbles something about her dad coming home early on Fridays and tells me to hide in the closet in the next room my stoned self tells me this is a good idea and I grab my shirt and shorts and stumble into the next room this is not a large closet I did my best job by putting on my clothes silently in the dark in a closet I hear Katie talking to her father about school she texts me saying he'll go upstairs eventually and that will be my chance to escape she let me know okay not so bad I'm listening intently and looking through the crack between the doors then he walks in I'm in the closet nearly crapping myself watching this man get on the treadmill facing me and start jogging I'm not cut out for this I do my best job of getting comfortable and wait it feels like a sauna I'm sweating I'm high I'm crapping great then the treadmill beats and he walks out just like that this might be my only chance I'm leaving I walk out of the closet in towards the door I look around the corner and almost pass out there he is walking towards me from the kitchen water bottle in hand we make the worst eye contact ever made and I make a break for it living room hallway Foy a door not looking back once I run to my truck and start it faster than I knew I couldn't get the flying freak out of there not surprisingly I never talked to Katy after that he didn't see my car her house was in a subdivision where cars normally park all down the street my truck was in front of the house next door not an escape actually the opposite one day my brother and I were dropped off at home after school by the people we carpooled with it turned out we were locked out we are usually the first home and I have a key although the key was in my backpack and I didn't bring my backpack home that day because there was no homework I checked all the doors and they were locked my sister wasn't coming home for two hours and we thought we were doomed my brother realized that the window to our living room was unlocked the problem was that the window was ten feet off the ground we then used a stick to push up the window and scream this is the awesome part we had to figure out how to get up there was nothing I step on top of but then my brother had a stroke of brilliance the plan was that I would hold out my hands and he would run and step on to my hands as I lifted them up this would led to him most likely flying high enough to grab onto something through the window we were ready to do it he ran and I tossed him up and he grabbed the window ledge he pulled himself up and I jumped and pushed his legs in success he unlocked the front door and we got inside TL DR got into our locked house using creativity and very poor gymnastic skills also we now know that our house is prone to being robbed by acrobats back in high school me and my friends would get on the roof of our school and hang out before track practice started and this was a regular thing for us and it was starting to lose its intensity so senior year rolls around and we decide the last time we go up on the roof will be at night during the last week of school me and three of my friends drove to the school and parked relatively far away and proceeded to the side of the school there was an old driving simulation trailer that we would use to climb up onto and then jump across to the roof we all got up on the roof and sat down against a wall up there that overlooked one of the parking lots we had been up there for about 15 minutes when a school bus pulls in that was dropping off the baseball team from a late game at first we were a bit nervous but there was no way they would see us we waited for the bus to leave then got up and walked over to the spot where we had previously gotten up onto the roof as we were walking we heard a loud metal bang and two voices - janitors were coming up onto the roof and the ladder was between us and the only safe way down one of my friends turns around and whispers ladder and then Sprint's like a mother sucker towards the way off leaving me and two of my friends hidden behind some ventilation piping in this large metal box thing so the two janitors are now on the roof and walking toward me and one of my friends but they're crouched behind that metal box thing I'm crapping myself and my friend with me is frozen with fare my other friend is behind us to the left behind the piping we had to Sam fire that crap and moving around the metal box opposite the janitors then when they were far enough away we ran as fast as we could while running my friend looks back and trips on a pipe and slams into the roof the janitors turned their flashlights toward us and we just ran toward the way off and jumped I'm surprised no one broke anything on the landing we met up with my other friend that had booked it from the beginning and hidden the tree line near the side of the school until we couldn't see the flashlights anymore then we walked to my friend's house and he drove us back to our car and we got out of there TL DR trespassed on school property chilled on roof janitors show up Sam Fisher freedom there's a movie theater in my city that is smaller than the others and is usually not nearly as busy one time a few of my friends and our dates walked in there without paying and saw movie with no hassle so on another occasion several months after a different group of friends and I tried to do the same thing we decided it would be a lot less suspicious if one of us walked in the front alone and went through the maze of hallways that are natural to movie theaters and opened the side doors and led the other seven in so naturally we sent in the most suspicious guy in our group he had shaggy hair and was most likely wearing dark clothes in retrospect we should have sent someone else so he goes in and opens the door for us a minute or two later and we all pile into the nearest theater as the last of us is just about to get in an employee who had been lurking behind the friend who let us in showed up out of nowhere half of this frozen shock not really knowing what to do I decided to try to run out of the door on the opposite side of the theater to get back into the hallway and what I can only describe as a Scooby Doo door sequence ensued with me slipping back and forth into the theater the employee went back into the hallway saying something along the lines of do they think I'm freaking stupid while I slipped back into the theatre and steal a brief glance at my friend standing with two of the girls in our group we hear the employee in the hall standing in the hall calling for the manager or something and there's the rest of our group out there so we dashed to the exits at the bottom of the theater down by the screen the employee comes in to see that were gone and if she comes in looking for us the rest of our friends run out the side door one of them the one we originally sent in to let us in ended up walking through the entire theater and right back out through the front door all while the employee was looking for us it was great TL DR I Scooby dude my way out of a movie theater kind of funny how shaggy was the only one who didn't scooby-doo out of there a few months I was living in Toronto I ended up being in a bit of a shady part of town and I saw a group of guys who were a bit sketchy looking I crossed the street and kept walking they watched me and then followed me I was near home but I didn't want to take the alley I normally took out of fear but I did anyway I figured if I were home faster than I'd be safer so I walk down your typical dark alley in a film think the alley where that chick nearly got violated in the for Vendetta they of course followed me in apparently I seemed panicky I stopped and turned around thinking that I could face them down and scare them off instead one of them socked me in the face and shoved me up against a wall they proceeded to look for my wallet I kept it in my boots at the time because of no pockets and they grabbed my butt I made a joke for them to do it again because I was gay instead surprisingly I got punched in the gut I felt down to my knees and one of them shoved my face into his crotch saying if I were her if then I had sick as dawn I head-butted him in the balls and got up elbowing another one in the face one of them had actually gotten of his tongue out for whatever reason and was trying to stuff it away I punched him in the ribs as hard as I could and I'm sure I heard something snap he fell over the other three guys were ready to punch me I jumped backwards and rolled over the top of a dumpster and pushed it in their way wheels thank God I started to run but felt a stabbing pain in my chest one of them broke my rib I was wheezing and sliding along the wall going towards the end of the alley which was about three meters away they got over the dumpster and started coming after me they punched me again in the side and I fell over in pain I got on to my knees to get up and get away and felt something under my hand it could have been a pipe or a gutter for all I know I didn't hold onto it long enough to figure out I swung it around and sliced open the face of one of them he fell over so now there are two out and two on top of me I started to sort off crawl away as they tended to Gashi face I got up against and started hopping towards the wall and I remembered something I had read on reddit a while ago I started yelling at what top of my lungs going wolololo they stopped looking a bit confused so I kept going I squatted down like a crap and kept making the noises they looked a bit freaked out and I moved in their direction and they jumped back I stood up then dashed as fast as I could towards them they ran the other way and gave me time to hobble out and get to someone's house happy birthday to me he's taking a crap run in an old house mate of mine from college used to set off firecrackers inside the house usually around 2 or 3 a.m. on weekdays one night he went to sleep around 11:00 I was really drunk at that point so after I knew he was asleep I stole a roman candle that he had left out ran outside lit it and started shooting it at my his open bedroom window after two or three shots police lights start flashing behind me the cop car had been parked outside of our house with its lights off and clearly saw me drunkenly screaming and firing a roman candle at my house mate I didn't even think I just dropped the thing and ran I hopped a fence behind our house and hid in some bushes for like 15 minutes then walked around the block and back home I should mention that I was wearing one-piece pyjamas and no shoes or slippers when I got back my house Mae told me that the two police officers in that car had come inside and searched around for me and since they didn't find me we got a warning that if there were any more fireworks on our property we would be heavily fined I know this isn't particularly impressive I'm just really proud that my instinctual reaction to police life sister frickin belt TL DR Frick that all ice went streaking with a bunch of my friends one night turns out running away naked from the cops is pretty fun especially when there's boobs my friends and I had gone to the local park at night to play some run-of-the-mill capture-the-flag we divided the playground in half based on a sidewalk and each took two hour halves now at this playground there is a castle that starts 1 1/2 and wraps around to the other where the only way up is a pole I thought it would be funny to go over to the dark corner on that part of the castle and yell loud as I could you can't catch me to my friends on the opposing team suddenly I hear a voice behind me they might not be able to catch you but I sure can I turn just in time to see a large homeless man step out from the shadows being a 5 feet one inches lady and about 16 years old at a time I booked the Frick out of there to put it politely he ended up being pretty nice and he joined our game after apologizing for scaring the crap out of all of us I used to climb buildings with a friend back in high school one evening while we were atop a local three-story tall motel enjoying the cityscape before us we hear a funk look to the side of the building and see a security guards head stick up from a ladder over the wall he shouts hey you kids stop right there my friend and look at each other and both immediately sprint the other direction across the roof we're running as fast as we can track and cross country stars hurtling over pipes and a/c units that popped up out of nowhere we get to the end off the building and without thinking leap over the edge of the roof and grab onto the ledge as we do so luckily there was an outside balcony we were able to swing and land on ran down the stairs and back to the car all this before the security guard even got over the ladder and on the roof felt like James Bond chased through the woods by a guy with either debauchery or murder on his mind probably a delightful combo of both I ran very fast for at least two kilometers then climbed a building please elaborate on this not something that happened to me but a friend of mine before I start let me tell you about this program that I do it's called youth and government and it's basically a lot of kids practice speaking all year from all around the state and then for a week come to the state's capital and create a mock government each with their respective positions some elected some applied of the organization of this is that every city also is divided into delegation which is kind of like your Girl Scout group and you are the delegate while at the Capitol we stayed in a Hyatt Hotel and every three or four delegates had their own room free of any advisors at lunch you literally got to roam the city alone to find somewhere to eat nobody coming to let you know you had 20 minutes or whatever you also always had to be in full suit like a professional some independent stuff for 15 year olds this was supposed to be a professional mock government that we have been preparing for all year but it ended up being pretty much hooking up and hanging out the whole week a friend of mine was really into a girl so decided to go into her hotel room alone just him and her this was breaking rule number one with the room there always had to be an odd number of people with one less gender than the other hopefully deterring hooking up because there would always be the third fifth seventh ninth wheeler to add to it he had alcohol and weed so as a 16 year old now he wasn't only breaking the rules of the program but also the law they start freaking and about halfway through it an adviser knocks on the door for a routine check the guy jumps out of the five-story patio and somehow lands on the patio underneath an old couple answers the knocking on their patio to see a naked 16 year old who polity asks to go back to his room somehow he doesn't get caught but he gets the girls whole delegation a group of 100 kids sent home this kid was really a legend later that night he snuck out and was out at 2:00 in the morning and some random obese black women says she's about to go meet her baby daddy and he says naturally can I roll with he is at a Dennis two hours away via taxi at 5:00 in the morning getting orders for all his friends and makes it back in time for wake up call at 9:00 he made it to closing speeches to be getting a handy in the bathroom the whole time he gets away with a lot it when I was in my early teens 14 ish I had two of my buddies come over to hang out and play some PlayStation we always hung out in the basement of my folks place during this epic gaming session I had to take a dump so I go into the bathroom for my B daily ritual and I hear some laughter from the outside of the bathroom while dumping they decide to stack whatever wasn't nailed down in front of the bar or what they were unaware of was there was a small crawlspace in the closet that led to the other half of the basement so while they're busy laughing and loading furniture in front of the door I snuck out the back way I sprint upstairs and lock them in the basement they were so completely befuddled at how I managed to escape one time my cousin and I organized a mission to go take a peek at my parents who were watching TV downstairs when we were supposed to be in bed I was like 9 at the time we called it som sneak out night we would laugh in front of my parents saying how here the Sun is coming up and they would be like wanted me and my cousin felt baddest anyway I walk downstairs and hide behind the island in our kitchen and watch like 30 seconds of TV without their knowledge if that isn't BA enough my mom got up and I maneuvered around the island opposite of where she was walking so that she couldn't see me now I needed to escape silently and our floors were wooden so the bare soles of my foot would stick to it ever so slightly and make a small noise i frickin made T jump to the carpet and booked it upstairs to my cousin I wasn't God that night and legend was among my younger siblings that I was the best so near out there TLDR outmaneuvered someone three times my size using an island I was expecting this story to end with them frickin on the couch a few years ago I was on holiday in Thailand with a couple of mates we were out one life drinking when I randomly meet this Thai girl who offered me an illicit substance now being rather intoxicated I thought why the heck not she said come back to my place I am staying in a hotel around the corner thought it was legit said sure now we leave the club and go to her scooter I had never ridden a scooter in my life and couldn't really stand she asked me to drive I said sure got about 2 meters before falling flat on the side she then thought it would be best to drive so she is driving I'm on the back thinking oh yeah we'll only be a 5 minute drive or so and was like this will be rad five minutes go past we didn't arrive 10 minutes nope not there yet 15 minutes still not there yet at this point I am starting to get a little worried as every minute goes past we get further and further away from civilization and deeper and deeper into the bush a full 45 minutes later were in the middle of the bush of some Shack at this point I had sobered up a little bit and was thinking something isin't right here we get off the scooter and she takes me inside and tells me to sit on the couch while she goes into another room as I sit down to wait i start to hear all the voices from the other room quite a few male voices and right then i started to freak out i had read and heard of enough stories about situations like this to know that the outcome will most likely not be good for myself so I decided to leg it I got up off the couch and just ran I had no idea where I was or where I was running to but I had to go it was pitch black outside being the bush and all and I just kept running in the one direction humping for anything after about five ten minutes of running I see a lights in the distance I make it to the lights to find some old Thai guy sitting on his porch smoking opium or something he couldn't speak a word of English but knew I sholdn't be where I was the guy drove me back into town into the police station as I got there I tried to tell them what had happened they ignored me and told me to get lost I somehow made it back to my hotel from the cops shop at about 8 a.m. I ran straight down to the beach and jumped in fully clothed this post is littered with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes hope it wasn't an unbearable the story of my first shrooms trip and my friends and I have earned so many props for this performance we decide to go see The Lorax on the Friday night off st. Paddy's Day weekend and that crap was amazing the driver brought some alcohol and killed it before the movie and the other passenger had a little bit of weed on him everything went smoothly until we get less than half a mile from the parking lot back on our campus and there's a DUI checkpoint set up I went from relaxed to crapping bricks instantly when I remembered my taillight was out a next thing I knew we were pulled over cops come up and asked multiple times if we had been drinking that night of course we answer no every time are there any drugs in the car no sir could we bring in the dogs sure thing officer we played it perfectly until the cop goes to write us up I started sweating profusely and within a couple minutes my face and shirt were drenched cop comes up to give us the taillight infraction ticket stares at me for a second then asks why you sweeten so much Sun to this day I have no idea how I answered while tripping balls oh I have overactive sweat glands so he hesitated and thought for a second said ok and told us to be safe and have a good night it's good to be white I faked my own death once don't attend your own funeral as a guy named Phil Shipley every time I walk out of the doors of my workplace but then that's when I realize I'll be back the next day coma my junior year I came up with my brilliant cranking weapon the mustard bomb just a water balloon filled with yellow mustard combine it with Texas heat and it reeks absolute havoc so there was this football kid from my school who was a total Gong as in key cars in the school parking lot push kids around and convinced some girls to sleep with him and then literally made them walk home at night needless to say justice had to be dealt so my friend and I took it upon ourselves we knew where he lived in this huge maze-like neighborhood full of the rich families this neighborhood was at least a square mile and full of turns and streets and everything looked the same so if you didn't know the streets well you would get lost easily my friend was the only one with a car and license so he drove and I had an arsenal of mustard bombs we headed out at 10:00 p.m. I would bomb the house and then halt but around the corner where he was waiting and drive off high-fiving and crap like dogs we get around the corner and I skulk out in all black and carrying my payload I notice all his lights are on and a bunch of noise figured that'd mean he couldn't see outside and hopefully wouldn't hear them I threw the balloons covering a good portion of the front of the house in yellow mustard then him and three of his friends exit the house screaming and as I'm running I realize oh freakin crap these guys are fast as heck I realize with their maybe 30 feet behind me that I am NOT going to make it to the car I had to improvise I ran into someone's yard and to my surprise as much as theirs vaulted the fence in one smooth Badis motion land roll and keep running doing this to every fence I ran into I managed to gain a good amount of distance after just the first yard and then kept making random turns and jumping fences and odd patterns and quickly lost them I was about to call my friend to have him meet me at my new location after jumping crap and running for a good 15 minutes and then they started fracking patrolling the streets they even called all of their friends in the teams because pretty much three stroke four of the dang sports teams lived in the pampas rich neighborhood apparently and they got in on the patrolling so at this point I'm lost in pitch-black night hungry and crawling around like Solid Snake avoiding sharks lest I get the Royal crap beat out of me I literally just picked a direction and slink that way cutting through yards and hiding in bushes eventually after an hour I made it into some bordering woods that led to the high school and met my friend up in the parking lot by sheer luck and the cover of darkness they never saw my face and they never figured out I did it but holy crap I could have gotten hospitalised easily all over a dumb but rank good times I was a good kid in high school didn't smoke didn't drink didn't fricking was home by 1:00 a.m. on the weekends my way of rebelling was building climbing I didn't vandalize or break anything I would occasionally pee off the side but other than that my friends and I climbed up looked around and found a good low place to jump off and feel like badasses as we practiced a tuck and roll we got pretty good by my junior year of high school we had climbed over 30 different schools in our metropolitan area my 18th birthday after my party we decided to challenge ourselves and we went off to my elementary school that is one one stroke two stories at the lowest point using windowsills external lights and boosts from each other we climb up and jump off into a soft flower bed it was the furthest we had ever dropped and were really pumped we wanted another challenge so we climbed the nearby church ignoring that it was on a major street and in clear view of three houses that still had lights on we were young dumb and excited we climbed the church and were at the highest point when one of my friends happens to point out that we are forked Amin Amin totally as he points out a police car that pulled up silently with its lights off and was now empty we head to the opposite side to find another two cars we quickly decide to split up and meet up on the major street a block down at an intersection I take off in my direction drop off the side of a church where there were no police cars dart into a yard and cut across lawns until I get to the major street here's the point for those of you just joining now I climbed atop a church with some friends in high school and the cops showed up we scattered and agreed to try to meet once escaped I meet up with my friends and joked about successfully escaping the cops as we notice a loud sound growing steadily louder down the street over the church from which we had just escaped that dominated the neighborhood skyline there was a helicopter with a searchlight that had just arrived and was scanning across the roof at this point we lose our crap about how bad as we are escaping from a 3-star grand theft auto scenario we went back to our respective houses and hardly ever tell the story now except to good friends and curious strangers and social settings in high school whenever I had study last I would leave school early I had a friend that got caught and got suspended so I was paranoid about leaving before I hatched an awesome plan so I told my study teacher that I was going to the band room to practice piano then I walked to the band room and told the band teacher that I was going to play the piano in the practice room down the hall then I told my friend who was in the piano class at that time period to tell the teacher if they asked where I was that I was done practicing piano and went back to study hall and after that web of lies was sewn I would walk down the back hall behind the auditorium and leave out the side exit the only door that no classes are the main office can see many people believed I was either studying or playing piano but really I was at home playing video games and eating chips I was 19 and in my first semester of college so being a new college freshman I decide to enjoy the college life and go to a party while I was in the bathroom I heard what sounded like a stampede going on in the apartment when I exited the bathroom I saw the last of the party Geller's running out the door naturally I followed them I was following two guys out of the back door to the house when a police officer shines his light and steps in front of us the two guys in front of me barrel over him and I see him get kicked in the face during the fall I don't think the kick was intentional more other consequence of him getting run over without even realizing what I'm doing I kneel down and ask if he is okay he looks up at me with a confused look on his face I offer him my hand and help him to his feet once he is on his feet he tells me to follow him around to the front of the house as we round the corner of the house I can see several other officers putting handcuffs on a couple of kids and putting them in the back of their patrol cars the police officer I help then looks at me and says well looks like we are all out of room so you can go home I said thanks and start to walk off as I walk away I passed two patrol cars with empty back seats my buddy Tracy and I are driving from Monterey California to our next duty station in the middle of nowhere Texas we had taken turns driving and being young and speedy each of us had already nabbed the ticket we are flying down one of the innumerable two-lane blacktop Texas state roads you know the kind where you can see for 20 miles straight ahead we cross a small rise and we blow past a Texas State Trooper I look behind and the trooper swings his cruiser around to come after us twice he is driving and says heck no I'm not getting another ticket and he floors it if he gets the speedometer up past 100 and olds at there for a minute or so the cop is no longer visible behind us and just as we start to feel pretty good about this we realize that this Highway has no turnoff saw any salt for 20 miles Tracy is starting to think about stopping and I'm looking at the map there's a town ahead score we can hide in some traffic or something we Krotz arise and slow to see the town it is a church in three or four farm houses the map says that the next town is many miles ahead we take the one and only turn to a dirt road that parallels the highway and stop the car behind a small tree with the church between us in the main road a minute later the trooper flies by the town lights flashing but no siren we wait a few minutes to give him time to get well past this when he comes back in view moving slowly back towards us down the highway he's looking between the farm houses for us the only thing he can do is turn down the dirt road and box us in we're screwed there's no other road back to the highway and he is passing the church now the church is a small building with a small Cemetery for yard I tell Tracy to wait until he makes a turn and go slowly through the churchyard he gives me a look like I'm crazy but the thought of a Texas state trooper being mad lettuce is worse so we drive slowly through a church cemetery keeping the building between us and the trooper trace flows it down the ditch and the car slides back up on the highway he put the hammer down and we never see the cop again TL DR the Dasara and a never-say-die attitude saves young soldiers from the wrath of the Texas Rangers so one of my friends is in a frat they were having a party and some guy was dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow awesome I know anyways the cops show up and the party is on the third floor captain Sparrow looks at them when they come in throws open the window and yells gentlemen you will forever remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow and jumped out the window broke both legs still got his minor in precision at first I thought you had put too much expectation on the story but it worked back when one of my closest friends lived on a nearby military base I would spend almost every weekend at his house he lived in the enlisted districts of the living area so his house was a bit small but nice so one night we got bored of playing as games and we decided to make a snack run now base curfew for anyone under 18 is 11:00 p.m. excluding holidays so instead of asking someone who was elder to go get in for we hatched a little plan he opens his closet up and pulls out two more suits I don't know why he had to he just did and a couple of airsoft replicas comset along with black bags so we hop out of his bedroom window which was on the second floor slipped down a gutter and out of his backyard without his mother noticing us the base convenience store is on the other side of the base we spent a good 40 to 45 minutes making our way there without being caught this being a Saturday it was a bit problematic getting past base clubs and whatnot we ended up having to sneak through a barracks building so we get to the shop and walk in like it was a normal afternoon we got our snacks and drinks and gtfo on our way back we snuck across an intersection and surprise surprise there's an MP squad car parked in the alley on the other side now both of us knowing that mp's aren't your usual nice guy cops these guys just about go de FCO and one on anyone we instantly nope and booked it splitting up on the way the MPS hop out their squad car yell the usual MPs don't move and give chase I'm practically crapping my pants at this point and my friend is nowhere to be found one of the MPS is a few car lengths behind me when out of nowhere my friend grabs me from out of the shadows and holds me over a low wall into a backyard we dodged the MPs and not wanting to risk getting caught we came up with a better plan the enlisted homes are placed tightly together enough so that it's easy for anyone under 200 pounds to jump between homes so for the remainder of the way home we were roof hopping unless we had to cross a street we eventually got home after being gone for almost two hours it was about 1:30 and his mother was waiting for us in his room you boys get caught no mom fork over a drink and I'll forget about this okay and then we went back to playing Nez until early morning and from then on made it a point that every time I was over we'd sneak around TL DR was at a friend's house got hungry thirsty snuck out after curfew almost got caught by MPs and ended up being caught by mother and bribed her with an energy drink you have been visited by the rare garlic Togo if you subscribe til up dude reddit you will have good luck for 69 years if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check out another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 352,154

Rating: 4.885385 out of 5

Keywords: escape, best escape, badass escape, awesome escape, most badass escape, escape story, escape stories, escapes, best escapes, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: 3_UVkX80wec

Length: 63min 3sec (3783 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 26 2020