What is the dumbest thing an ex said to win you back? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what's the dumbest thing an ex ever said to try and win you back ha GF in high school for almost two years she broke up with me to be with another guy she tried to place a restraining order on me for no reason the Dean of Students told me to just keep clear of her she then tricked me into meeting her to barrage me with questions as to why I was avoiding her [ __ ] you tried to get a restraining order placed on me I broke up with a guy in senior year of high school two weeks later he called me to tell me that he thought we should break up since he had refused to allow me to break up with him earlier despite the fact that I said I was done he said that if I came to my senses he'd consider taking me back I told him that was never going to happen but wished him luck the fun epilogue of this story comes two years after that I logged into a IM to chat with my college best friend and lo and behold he logged on I said hi and asked how he was doing he said he had a film say but that there was an issue and asked for a favor I asked what it was because I was curious he asked for a picture of my feet when I asked why he explained that the only way he could get off was by picturing me coming home from a long day of work on my feet and making him clean my sweaty feet with his tongue if he could see my feet he was pretty sure he could get over it I asked if he'd tried role-playing with his fiancee since it was almost certainly the power dynamic he liked and not specifically me especially since he and I never did anything remotely like that he said that they'd tried but it didn't work and it was my feet or he couldn't get hard he then asked if I'd be willing to boss around him and the woman that he was going to marry so that he could maybe come from sex with her I logged off of aim and have never logged in again finally broke up with him after three years his big gesture to get me back and email about how he couldn't live without me ended as follows I get now that you're not a [ __ ] that's why I treated you the way I did I thought you were a [ __ ] but now I see you're not though be still my beating heart and people say that romance is dead if we break up it's just a matter of time before you ask for your laptop back and I use it for school so I'm going to have to drop out and my kids are going to be raised in poverty do you really want that on your conscience double quote edit I lent him my extra laptop before I realize he bleeds all the women in his life Drive all their resources I wasn't about to let him keep his after the [ __ ] he put me through I got my laptop back when we broke up and he destroyed the power cord and messed up the laptop to the point that it wouldn't run I fixed it but lesson learned Don that's some fine crazy logic right there you'll never be with anyone like me well yeah that's what I'm sure hoping edit row' thank you so much for the gold to everyone for contributing I came in to work this morning feeling sick and gross and this has cheered me up immensely she cheated I said so long get out of my house she did moved in with this guy she showed up a few weeks later with her cat and some belongings and said she made a mistake wants me back because she needs me to take care of her double quote sorry what you're trying to move in while cheating on me and simultaneously asking me to pamper you yeah this is the path where you silently nod grab the cat then shut the door and lock it proceed to sip whiskey meat while petting your new car editor fam if you didn't think cats and cars were related just listen to them purr I swear you can't tell the difference with your eyes closed my abusive ex-husband sent me along in personal email three years after I left him my favorite part was we should get back together I don't want to be with you but by some miracle of God I might grow to tolerate or even enjoy your company double quote he was serious I laughed for about two minutes and then send screenshots to my boyfriend a month after we had broken up I started dating a new guy my ex told me that he would cut his hair to look like the new guys dressed like the new guy and act exactly like the new guy if I got back with him that's just pathetic and sad I dunno man I think a lot of these stories are sad but not necessarily pathetic being heartbroken [ __ ] sucks and people just get desperate people would do these same crazy negotiations and prayers when a parent dies maybe these people deserve to be broken up with but I still think calling someone who feels like they will do anything and say anything to be with the one they love again isn't pathetic just sad that they didn't act like that in the beginning he decided to make a grand gesture for my birthday which was about six months after the break-up he had a cake made in the shape of Australia he had it shipped to me in a locked steamer trunk keys in the card all of this was based off of a line from Dr Horrible's sing-along blog she may cry but her tears will dry when I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia double quote this is after I found out that I was the other woman and I had started to date someone else it was just painfully awkward sidenote the cake was dry I once dated this guy who literally carved my name into his hand he said he did it because he couldn't afford it too - and when I broke up with him for it he said but your name is carved into my hand I'm not sure if that was supposed to mean me stay or if he at that moment realized how stupid he was I was once friends with a guy who told me he cuts my name into his leg after I've told him I had no interest in being in a relationship with him he also told me about a bunch of other South Harmon made me spend a good few nights including a whole New Year's Eve talking him out of suicide or so I thought until a mutual friend stayed the weekend at his house got a good look at both pristine and on scarred legs and arms and reported this back to me little [ __ ] made the whole thing up because it meant I'd spend hours telling him how much he mattered to people he knew I was sensitive to it because my family had been extensively affected by it if I'd had any sense at the time I'd have called the police round to the family home for a welfare check the first time he did it I'm just kidding we are not really broken up me WTF no sorry that's not how this works edit some more info she broke up with me over the phone during which I tried to rationalize why how what went wrong etc I talked with her for a good 30 minutes at least but she was content on saying sorry it's over I rationalized and accepted and was ready to move on partender obviously since the relationship was real for me at the time at this point is what she said just kidding we are not really broken up I was just testing you to see if you would fight for the relationship I about lost my [ __ ] no no that's not how any of this works I hate to break it to you but your plan backfired we really are broken up because you do not test me like this not like this my new girlfriend is terrible . . i miss you a lot like I sometimes regret leaving you you are so much better than her just say you know I'm going to dump her soon after we go on vacation because I'm using her miles to buy my ticket like . . ah there are so many things wrong with that and the vacation was two months away I told him he had made decisions so I didn't feel bad for the fact he missed me and never spoke to him again my ex-husband did this to me I didn't realize how much I was going to miss you you understand me better I call her your name all the time we were so good together one month before the divorce was final after he left me to move in with his pregnant gf I just started laughing at him I couldn't stop he got mad and left again he broke up with me by sort of gusting me after two years together he wouldn't show up when we had plans then text me later and apologize and say sweet things but go on to ignore my calls for a week he said his status to single on Facebook so I figured it was done and deleted him almost a year later he sent me a text saying he was sorry that he was willing to talk and answer any questions I had and as he regretted what he did because I was the second best girlfriend he'd ever had I [ __ ] you not I told him I didn't need his answers and didn't want to be his friend he never bothered me after that my ex ghosted me too he was that guy that would make you feel all special then never communicate unless it was on his terms he stopped talking to me for about six months after he first two weeks I just stopped caring six months later he calls me asking to go on a date I'm just like you have the wrong number sorry double quote we don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend that I don't want to having sex with other people double-quote is this the part where I say r.i.p inbox OMG I had a guy tell me this and we weren't even dating he was a friend of a friend who gave me a ride home once the whole ride he took wrong turns into went past my neighborhood and kept driving meanwhile telling me I just want to like take you out to dinner and get to know you and be friends at first but if I see you even talking to another guy I am going to be really pissed me can you just take me home you can turn right hear him hang on mutual friend thinks we'd make a good couple so we should give it a shot you know you're a virgin right dot yeah my mind blanked after that and I just in a screamed for him to take me home what should have been a five minute trip turned into a half-hour meandering hostage situation ironically he drove me home because walking by myself at night wasn't safe broke up with douchebag ex while in Mexico with my mom my mom he said I cheated on him and told me my dad died to get away from my spoiled princess ways he spent the next six hours calling me and my mom trying to win me back roaming charges were disgusting so we didn't answer or read the texts way too expensive finally my mom got pissed and answered the phone he was breathing heavy my mom asked what he wanted he said I just want to talk to her you have to let me talk double quote my mom said fine talk double quote he said all Sarah had to do was and then my mom hung up cause she didn't want to hear more about what I did wrong after reading over a hundred texts about what I did wrong how awful I was how much he misses me the girl he slept with the lies he told me the apologies for the lies the endless litany of how he'll change e.t.c e.t.c i turned off my phone and didn't turn it on until the next morning morning I had almost 100 missed calls and 18 voicemails I didn't listen to any of them [ __ ] you Ken I thought that no matter what happened you'd never leave double quote well perhaps you should have thought a little about that before your alcoholism caused you to lose three jobs in a year caused tremendous stress on me to support us on my bigger salary and then finally spiral into a three-day long bender where you wrecked your car while drunk and then went drinking for 36 hours because you were upset and made me still question whether or not you [ __ ] someone else in a self-pity fuelled bout of hysteria goddamnit years later I'm still pissed off at that comment but once he'd proved yourself to me and I realized I could trust you I stopped cheating on you double quote when we got together he was still sleeping with his ex he thought everyone cheated because he did so after four months he realized I hadn't and wasn't going to cheat on him he graciously decided to stop putting his dick and other women his logic was astounding I had to pull over my car because she was threatening to jump out of the passenger door when I finally pulled over on the side of the road we are about a mile from her place when she starts marching down the road I have a bunch of [ __ ] in my trunk because I picked her up from practice that afternoon if you don't take me back then I'm going to tell my parents that you raped me continues marching towards a place which says down her face I broke up with her that's night because she stole my car punched my best friend in the face hit on my other friend and then talked badly of my parents yikes he tried to stop me from leaving by asking what day it was I was surprised to hear that because it was exactly a year since we got together I didn't do it on purpose it just happened so I answered why it's the 5th of December and he said please stay with me until the new year to be in that mess for another three weeks no thank you the same ex tried to get me back after that by saying that I'm ugly and won't get another man even if I try to pay him when I asked how he had tolerated me for so long then he answered I could have tolerated you for the rest of my life romantic after telling me she didn't love me leaving the kids with a friend whilst I was at work so she could go get drunk with her male friend getting drunk whilst throwing my son a birthday party and texting her male friend whilst locking herself in her bedroom and letting the other parents run the party for her I was at work the final straw came when she told me I wasn't invited to a party her brother was throwing so I had to stay home to watch the kids she had left herself log on to social media so her sexual messages to her male friend were pinging up every min or so until he told her the taxi was outside I changed the locks that night and packed her clothes and put them outside her mum's house when she came home she was screaming and throwing bricks at the house so I told her if she didn't leave I'd call the police drum roll please but you can't just turn off ten years of marriage you must still love me can you remind me why we broke up I crashed my motorcycle and was in a coma for a week I have memory loss and can't remember much from the past year I don't remember breaking up things seemed so good why did they end double quote unbeknownst Ellen I was close with one of his friends at the time none of that ever happened it was all a complete lie to get me to take pity on him and talk to him I'm still not sure how he planned on making that one work he was emotionally abusive when we were together apparently he thought he could still manipulate me okay I know it was bad to dump you while you were in intensive care but you were really bumming me out you're a lot better now though so it's all good double-quote was in and out of critical condition and had several emergency ops over the course of five weeks in hospital he dumped me over the phone while I was lying in my hospital bed after I was discharged he waited two months then tried to come back he also never came to visit once he said he didn't want to see me that way as it wasn't very attractive ' tailed him to get [ __ ] I wanted that baby we were dating in high school I was 15 when I did a DI abortion and almost killed myself I was either asleep or vomiting for three days afterwards throughout the entire ordeal not once did this bastard visit call or even shoot a text asking if I was still alive three whole days but suddenly when I broke up with him three years later it's all you murdered my child and I wanted that baby he texted me a few days later and said he was going to kill himself I didn't feel like putting up with him and just called the troopers tell them what was up and gave them his address back story had a somewhat long-distance relationship four hours drive so I would visit on weekends i Rex was caught for possession and was somehow given work release from jail it was weird nc but he only went to served time on weekends I didn't find out right away but he moved back in with her when I finally caught her she said he stays here during the week and has his own room no bed in the said room I tell her I'm leaving her you can't you need me and you're nothing without me if you leave I'll tell your chain of command you hit me in the military they take that very seriously and you're guilty until proven innocent I never laid a hand on her but was afraid of all the trouble I'd have to deal with until everything would get dropped so I stayed for a few more months worst time of my life you don't want to end up alone like your aunt do you double quote for the record my aunt is 55 owns her own home and has just retired she travels internationally at least twice a year and lives quite happily and comfortably he was referring to the fact that she does not have children and likes to cut her hair quite short as do I this is also the man whom after six years together informed me he did not want children while I had always been explicit in my desire for kids one day met if I turn out like my aunt I think I'll be more than fine although according to the above-mentioned fount of knowledge short hair in women indicates insecurity and mental illness yet to see either but I'll keep you informed not so much to win me back that it's a funny story nonetheless I had an on-again off-again sorted volatile relationship in HS and my first semester in college we were both young and stupid [ __ ] happens anyway we both had a brief period where we had broken up and were dating other people we get back together and several days later she's got Dave not his real name carved into her forearm with a razor she admits she's cheating on me with him final straw for me I walk fast forward 20 years we're both married and have families I've run into her occasionally over the years and said hello and exchanged pleasantries she sends me a facebook request and I except for a couple of years we exchanged the usual happy birthday and Merry Christmas wall posts and such but nothing more than that one evening my doorbells rings keep in mind this is now 23 or 24 years after we broke up and it's her she's bawling i'm very puzzled by the whole thing and she finally tells me that she just got word that dave who she hasn't seen in 15 plus years died of a drug overdose I told her to get off my [ __ ] porch broke up with my borderline pedophile ex-boyfriend when I was 21 we started dating when I was 16 and he was 25 he has rich grandparents that would take us to Disney every year sometimes twice a year that anyways I broke up with him and I remember he goes my grandparents would have bought you a car he then dated a 17 year old promptly after me and when she broke up with him he says to her my grandparents would have taken you to Disney World my ex fell out of love with me over six months and I tried to get us back on track however he decided to end it I was extremely heartbroken until I learned during those six months he used me sexually was emotionally cold on purpose and made fun of me around his friends for trying too hard as well as my anxiety and depression at that point we had been together for over two years finding that out made it extremely harder to deal with because why would you [ __ ] with someone like that I enter the relationship two months afterwards with a really great guy who had always been there for me and didn't expect anything from me at all after we started dating for a week he messaged me and said I regret breaking up with you and wanted to get back together - hahaha I will live on this bench I will sleep here until you come out here and talk to me and take me back double-quote left for college an hour away from home high school bf said I was selfish for going so far away from him never stopped trying to get me to decline a full ride to a great private school helps me move into my dorm oh this place is amazing you are going to love it here what a great decision double-quote relative to the rest of the relationship things were fine after that but I couldn't do it after that shite broke up a little over a month into school in front of my dorm building no one was around but I did not think that through well he wouldn't let me leave tried to follow me into the building when I got up knew my schedule followed me around the rest of the evening holed up in my room the night he said he was going to wait as long as it took on the same bench I broke up with him on dart he was on that bench for a while all when I was 17 I dated this trailer-trash girl from the next school over because I was shy and awkward I had no relationship skills so like any young idiot I fell wildly in love with the first person that noticed me short blonde big tips so fast-forward through her cheating on me multiple times drugs and her dumping me in fistfights in all ages Seattle grunge venues being underage drunk on behave in 1992 Doc Martens in people's faces lots of head games like Sid and Nancy Kurt and Courtney the crazy ones drag you through hell anyway 20 years later after Christmas shopping for my wife and kids I say [ __ ] it I need a beer pull off into this random Roadhouse belly up to the bar look in the mirror and there behind me in former Little Miss blonde except now she's shaped like a fire hydrant and has a voice like a tuba like if janis joplin and a trucker had a baby and she grew up because it's Christmas I order a second beer I bring it to her I introduce myself she gives me a big hug we find a table and start catching up I have a home and a family I love she is still single parties and is into bikers instantly she starts talking about all the sex we had in pretty good detail which was flattering sort of yet uncomfortable then she asks what I'm doing that night all these awful memories of trainwreck relationship come flooding back [ __ ] I'd emotionally buried and forced myself to forget public arguments and fights drugs dysfunctional relationship hell then I think about the presence in my car my home my family I finished my beer wish - Merry Christmas snuffed out my cigarette got up walked out and never looked back [Music]

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Id: hp3UNckhnko

Length: 25min 17sec (1517 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 25 2019