Ultimate Lord Of The Rings + The Hobbit Pitch Meeting Compilation

so you have a movie for me yes sir i do it's called lord of the rings oh like a sonic the hedgehog movie no it's based on the lord of the rings fantasy books like this one's about the fellowship of the ring okay so what happens in this thing well we're gonna meet this bad guy sauron right and he's just he's super evil and what's his deal like character wise he's just he's super evil i love it and he has this ring that makes him super powerful so he's just massacring people left and right on a battlefield i mean this guy's really good at killing okay and then he like reaches out to this human is sildore who cuts off his finger which makes the ring fall and destroys him why did he reach out for him to kill him i guess did he not have a weapon no he did he had like a big mace thing so why did he reach out with his hand i don't know all right then keep your secrets anyway so then that guy in this elf l ron they head up to this mount doom place because they have to throw this ring into some fire that's the only way to destroy it and rid the world of evil right but this human guy he's like you know actually i'm gonna keep it i like it so i'm gonna keep it and it's mine now wow does elrond try to stop him of course he does okay good verbally a little seems like a lot of potential problems could be avoided if you put a bit more effort into that probably so anyway years later this hobbit creature bilbo baggins he has the ring now okay and he's having this big birthday party at this hobbit place called the shire fun so his buddy this wizard gandalf shows up and they smoke their pipes together they have a great time bilbo's like ah this is the finest weed in the area oh it's like that huh no it's not like that anyway so eventually gandalf finds out about the ring and he tells bilbo sort of adopted nephew frodo about it because bilbo he left and what does he say well that sauron's life force is bound to the ring and he just needs to get the ring back to come back and be evil all over the place oh yikes for sure yeah and there are some really creepy ring servant guys called the nazgul and they're coming for the ring and they are intense yeah they are yeah and they're on their way to the shire and they know that somebody named baggins has it oh no yeah so gandalf tells frodo that he and his buddy samwice they need to get out of the shire okay and gandalf he takes off to go see this other wizard saruman how does that go oh not well it turns out that he's evil now and he forces gandalf to break dance against his will very rude and frodo and sam they meet up with these other hobbits mary and pippen and eventually the nazca will catch up to all of them oh dang it yeah and like i said these things are intense like they chop a guy's head off on site unprovoked very scary so i guess they must massacre the hobbits in the same way huh no they kind of just shove sam and mary and biffin to the side out of the way oh and then one of them stabs frodo oh boy here we go they killed frodo huh wow no no just like a little like a little shoulder stab oh and then this guy aragorn that the hobbits were hanging out with he shows up to help so he kind of shoes them away with some fire and they all run away i gotta say these nazguls seem less and less threatening with every sentence you say well no they're super deadly just not with the main characters because they need to be alive for the story oh very story considerate nazgul anyway so after the break dancing incident gandalf gets put on this super high tower with no walls well it's gonna be tough for him to get out of there actually it's gonna be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah he talks to a moth and then an eagle friend shows up and he flies away oh a very helpful bird yeah and so saruman he's helping sauron build an army of orcs and these things are crazy i mean they're born fully grown covered in goo oh same z's what what so eventually the good guys get to this elf place called rivendell and they have a big council meeting with a bunch of different races okay and they're all kind of just arguing about how to get this ring to mount doom and mordor right right and frodo finally steps forward like hey i'll bring the ring to mordor i can't get corrupted i don't really care about power and stuff pretty nice of them yeah and so aragorn is like you have my sword in this elf legolas he's like you have my bow why is everybody accusing him of theft all of a sudden no they're saying they're going to go with them and say that you're weirdos so they end up forming the fellowship of the ring that's the name of the thing it is so then the fellowship they're going to start walking right okay and they're going to keep walking and also they're going to walk they're going to walk they're going to walk so much dude okay yeah sounds kind of boring actually it's gonna be nice to look at because we're gonna showcase the beautiful scenery of new zealand oh we are just stunning landscapes new zealand is truly a beautiful place okay okay i mean yeah sure so then what happens well there's gonna be a fight in a mine with some orcs and a troll frodo's gonna get stabbed again oh that guy's always getting stabbed yeah but this time he's wearing a nice little dress so it all works out well technically it's chainmail but it's definitely gonna look like he's headed to prom right after the battle well okay then and then gandalf he's gonna have to stand up to this big fire demon and he's gonna end up falling oh where does he fall into the sequel okay great and then the good guys are gonna get attacked by orcs again uh-oh and this one guy boromir he was being kind of sketchy about the ring but then he ends up dying trying to save mary and pippin no he's gonna die huh definitely gonna get sean bean for that part then okay why are you producer people so obsessed with killing that guy killing sean bean is tight fair enough so anyway then frodo and sam they take off in a boat and everybody else they go try to save mary and pippin because they got captured very exciting and so uh yeah i'll be back to tell you about part two soon but shouldn't we wait to see how this first one performs no i want to shoot these all at once oh really yeah yeah yeah you win i mean i guess i do have a question though what's up i mean if gandalf has access to eagles why not fly the ring to mordor well i mean there are a couple of reasons why that's not really a possibility okay do you think maybe we should explain some of those in the movie no i trust that everyone's gonna figure it out for themselves and it won't lead to any confusion ever that is how these things usually go [Music] so you have a second lord of the rings movie for me yes sir i do very exciting so what happens in this thing well gandalf is back yeah he fell off a thing right he sure did sir but you're gonna come to realize that falling from great heights isn't really fatal for good guys in these movies oh well great yeah so he falls and he falls and he falls and he fights that fire demon and then they end up at the top of a tower and they fight some more now they get to the top of a tower unclear but then he's gonna finally kill the fire demon thing and then he's gonna die but then he's gonna come back oh yeah he is yeah his spirit went somewhere for so long that he forgot his own name but now he's back and he's all white well that is how death works so no further questions no this is like magic and stuff that's not that's on how death works sure it is so what else happens okay well there's going to be some more walking oh there is huh yeah a whole bunch more walking a ton of it in fact even the trees are going to walk in this thing i love it so anyway mary and pip and they've been captured by orcs right and they're being brought to saruman right and some of the orcs actually want to eat them they're like yeah why can't we have some meat what do the orcs all have cockney accents they do yeah oh inexplicable accents are toyed and then the orcs are attacked by these dudes the writers of rohan and it's just a massacre oh boy and for a little bit we're gonna think that mary and pippen are dead but then it turns out they're not oh fantastic so they head into the forest and they meet these big talking trees called the ants and these things they talk super slowly well i guess that's a good way to pad the run time a little bit how long is this thing anyway about four hours oh my god so the ants they're gonna have this big council meeting and they're gonna decide that they don't wanna go to war but then they're gonna see that saruman destroyed a bunch of trees so they're gonna go attack eisenguard okay so the trees were treated poorly and now they want their revenge that's perfect i love it who is that oh that's just them night shyamalan sometimes the eavesdrops on these meetings and tries to get movie ideas that's not a good idea for a movie m night yes it is okay well that's gonna be bad yeah he shouldn't write that so what does sauerman do when they attack does he do some kind of crazy wizard counter move well he just kind of frantically looks around like he lost a contact lens or something oh okay anyway so we're also gonna follow sam and frodo on their quest to destroy the ring and how's that going well they keep getting lost so they team up with this weird creature called gollum and he's like obsessed with the ring because he used to own it oh and this guy's freaking nuts i mean at a certain point of the movie he's just having a full-on conversation with himself he's just talking to himself and replying as if he was two different people yeah he's freaking nuts so this guy's got problems so he guides them to where they need to go he does but when they get there there are a bunch of soldiers and crap and one of them comes really really close to them oh my god it's going to be tough to survive that actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah they hide under this blanket thing which looks exactly like a rock so it works out how does it look exactly like a rock well technically it's an elven cloak so what's that made of plot armor oh okay and eventually they're going to get captured by boromir's brother faramir and he and his men are a little sketchy about the ring the freaking ring makes everybody sketchy it sure does sir and eventually a non-school is going to show up on this flying fel beast monster oh no and the ring is gonna compel frodo to go see the nas ghoul and be like hey check out this ring pretty cool huh that's a horrible impulse to have but then luckily faramir's gonna shoot an arrow at the fell beast and so the nazgul's gonna be like wow okay never mind it leaves yeah it leaves it flies away but all of middle earth is hinging upon that one ring the nosql is just gonna back off well they didn't realize they had arrows and doesn't this mean that sauron knows exactly where the ring is now shouldn't he send all his forces towards frodo well to be honest sir this part wasn't in the books but i thought it'd be cool so i'm gonna need you to get all the way off my back about the story implications oh okay let me get off of that thing thank you so what else happens well aragorn and legolas and gimli they're still running around trying to find mary and pippen oh yeah then they meet this king theoden but he's all messed up looking oh how come well he's being like controlled by ceremon with the help of this sketchy advisor dude worm tongue never a good idea to hire somebody with worm in their name or tongue for that matter anyway gandalf manages to use his staff to do a kind of magic exorcism thing and he saves the king and so they kill worm tongue they don't know because they're like well enough blood has been shed so they lock him up in a cell no they let him go feels kind of dangerous i mean he'll probably run directly to his boss and give him more information that's exactly what he does i bet he did anyway later there's a battle right an aragorn he falls off a cliff oh no is he dead well we're gonna think he's dead for a little bit but heights don't affect him because he's a good guy right okay yeah oh he's also gonna have this flirty thing going on with this woman eowyn and what sparks that flame well they look at each other so you know they're kind of in love now very romantic and later in the movie there's going to be this massive battle at this place called helmsd wow wow are you okay sir i think i maybe got a little too excited there should i should i call an ambulance or what's up no no no i actually feel fine now oh i think you may have died oh yeah look at that whoops whoopsie well welcome back you know producer guy the white producer guy yeah that's what they used to call me anyway there's gonna be a battle oh boy and how does that go well there are only a couple of hundred good guys and like ten thousand orcs so you know not great those aren't good numbers at all but then some elves show up and they're led by none other than hal dear hey i don't know who that is he was in the first movie for you know a couple of minutes remember uh i mean kind of maybe it was a long script anyway he's going to get this super emotional death scene and people are going to be like no hal dear all right i mean you know rest in peace elf dude i guess so then the battle keeps going and it's not looking good but then gandalf had told them to look to the east at dawn and sure enough he's there right on time with a whole big army of backup so wait can he predict the future that's a pretty precise statement to have given vaguely sometimes when the plot demands it yeah very cool and at a certain point king theater then he's gonna turn to aragorn and be like let this be the hour where we draw swords together oh a little art project not the best time for it but still fun no they're going to stab orcs with swords that makes more sense and then they're going to win the freaking battle fantastic and gandalf's going to be like the battle for helm's deep is over the battle for middle earth is about to begin stay tuned for movie three okay that whole thing's a little on the nose maybe just cut out that last part at least okay i'll cut out the last part so what do you think well it sounds great but do you think maybe we're overdoing it with the fake out deaths it seems like we keep going back to that trick well i don't know there might be one or two [Music] so you have a third lord of the rings movie for me yes sir i do and in this one saruman's finally gonna die oh he is yeah worm tongue is gonna stab him and he's gonna fall off a tower and die wow that's gonna be great in the extended cut what yeah if anybody wants to watch a longer version of the movie that'll be great to have in there for sure but he's like he's like one of the main bad guys right oh okay you're saying it would be like really satisfying some might even say necessary to see the end of one of the main antagonists of the trilogy yeah yeah right exactly right right right well they could see it in the extended cut okay so what else happens in the movie oh well sam and gollum they don't like each other and gollum is trying to drive a wedge between sam and frodo so kind of like in the last one kinda like the last movie yeah but this time sam is gonna straight up catch gollum talking to himself about killing them and taking the ring oh wow so i guess they have to find their way without him huh now frodo's still cool with them he sides with gollum actually what yeah he's like well without gollum we're definitely gonna get killed so we should stick with gollum who you know definitely wants to kill us i guess that makes sense and later gollum manages to turn them against each other by framing sam for eating some bread seems somehow less serious than admitting your desires for murder yeah well the thing about frodo is that the ring is kind of making him into you know the worst just absolutely frustrating to watch sure sounds that way i'm starting to hate this little guy so then gollum leads frodo to this big spider and frodo escapes and then him and gollum fight and gollum falls off a freaking glyph oh does he die no cause the movie's not done yet oh okay and then the spider shows up again and frodo gets stabbed by its stinger but dude's always getting stabbed he is yeah so he doesn't have his armor this time around his armor that looks like a prom dress no yeah he has it how come that doesn't protect him i don't know fair enough so what's going on with the other people well they got some important information from a bowling ball so they go to this place called minas tereth this real wedding cake of a city oh delicious cities are tight and they're going to meet the steward of gondor this guy named denithor and what's his deal well he's boromir and faramir's father and he's also you know just insane oh he is yeah he sends faramir to pretty much certain death and then he eats food in a way that you know is going to make the cherry tomato industry have a rough couple of quarters what their stocks are definitely going to take a hit when this movie comes out all right i mean okay and sauron's going to attack and they have like no soldiers so they're in a bit of trouble well going to be tough to take on sauron's army actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah it turns out a bunch of freaking ghosts have an outstanding iou to aragorn's family so he's like come on ghost let's go ghost decks monkey now very cool so nobody has to die actually they only show up once a bunch of people have died oh yeah that elf dude elrond only told him about it on the eve of the battle so you know there's a whole lot of slaughtering for sure that freaking elf has terrible timing yeah he's not the best and he also tells aragorn what's going on with arwen which one is arwen again oh she's the one who's like you know if enya's music was a person oh right right right anyway she's dying because her fate is tied to the ring now what why i don't know i thought that might make it more interesting fairy enough and what's going on with eowyn oh yeah well she's mulan now oh she is yep she pretends to be a man so she can go to battle and she defeats this guy named the witch king oh yeah yeah he's like no man can defeat me and she's like i am no man and she freaking defeats him oh got him on a technicality she sure did sir and what's going on with gimli and legolas oh they're gonna have this really funny thing where they're competing to see who can get the most kills right that was their whole thing in the last movie too yeah it's the same thing again in this movie except this time legolas is gonna call gimli his friend so you know maybe that's a character arc maybe and then that guy denithor accidentally sets himself on fire and runs a mile to jump off a structure a very athletic human torch and then they win the battle thanks to the invincible ghost army amazing but then they're like oh crap frodo's not going to be able to get past sauron's army is he oh they just realized that they did so they're like we'd better attack as you know a diversion well i guess it'll be pretty easy with that invincible ghost army uh no they let those guys go oh they did yeah aragorn set those guys free fate of the world is in the mix feels like maybe they could have squeezed another battle out of them maybe so anyway then sam and frodo make their way up mount doom and it's very difficult so how do they get into the volcano well once they get up there's actually a very nice convenient walkway well you think sauron would have guarded that or you know closed it up at least a little [ __ ] rock yeah well he doesn't use any jip rock whatsoever well okay then so frodo needs to throw the ring in the fire but suddenly he's like you know what it's mine oh no and then he puts the ring on and he goes invisible and golem jumps on his back oh he's gonna need him to get all the way off his back yeah he's going to get all the way off that thing well great by biting off frodo's finger and dying oh my god yeah he falls all the way into the fire and the ring gets destroyed along with them wow wow yeah and then some eagles come pick up sam and frodo and they fly away amazing and then frodo wakes up in bed and he sees all his friends come in and they're all super happy wow wow wow what a satisfying ending to a great trilogy and then aragorn becomes king and everybody bows to the hobbits oh yeah okay yeah no that's a great place to end it too very very nice and then the hobbits go back to the shire and nobody really seems to care about their big adventure so it's a little weird can help but notice you're still talking and then sam falls in love and he gets married okay yep sure all right and then frodo finishes writing his own book right glad to hear somebody knows when to end things and he calls it lord of the rings that's the name of the trilogy that's somehow still going and then frodo and bilbo and gandalf they got on a boat because they have some other places to go oh my god was this whole thing just the first act of another adventure and then as they sail off in the boat we fade to white oh we do we fade to white we fade to white wow okay well well okay well i think it's a great trillion and then we go back to the shire oh my god and we show sam with his family and there's a nice little voiceover from frodo please stop please stop and then that's it we're done i don't i don't believe you we're all done sir roll credits is there a post-credits scene there's not no it's all done yeah i mean you certainly squeezed a lot out of these books yeah that's about all there is to say about middle earth [Music] so you have a movie for me yes sir i do i was checking the calendar of when it's okay to start making money off popular franchises again and guess what's coming up soon oh is it spider-man well obviously spider-man's gonna get squeezed that's like a two-year waiting period no i'm actually talking about lord of the rings oh yeah the studio is getting tired of not making money off that franchise so what are we thinking like a reboot maybe zac efron as aragorn although that is a horrifying idea that we'll probably do someday i was actually thinking we could do the hobbit wasn't that one book though so we're just gonna do one movie no i feel like we could get three out of that bad boy oh we're gonna do that by patting the hell out of it and throwing a bunch of stuff in there that's just you know completely unnecessary sounds good to me so what happens in this first movie well we're gonna have bilbo writing and talking about some of his adventures that we haven't you know cashed in on yet very exciting and while he's writing you know who's gonna pass by who freaking frodo baggins from the lord of the rings movies he's from the lord of the rings movie he is and so he's gonna walk by wow so what's he gonna do i just told you oh okay so then we're gonna flash back to a younger bilbo and have him meet gandalf and how does that go well turns out gandalf chosen for an adventure but he's not into it what's the adventure well see there are these dwarves right and they used to live in this place called the lonely mountain okay and they had a bunch of gold there and this thing called the arkenstone but then a dragon showed up and just completely ruined everything right but now they think that maybe the dragon is gone so they're gonna go back so why would bilbo be needed for that well because maybe they're gonna need a burglar is bilbo a burglar he's not no so i don't i don't i don't listen sir i'd appreciate if you got all the way off my back about why bilbo's needed okay oh okay let me get off of that thing so anyway gandalf invites all these dwarves over to bilbo's house without asking and they start eating all his food and who are these dwarves what are their names oh there's a bunch of them there's oin gloin keeley feely probably billy dwaylen bailin possibly sarah palin i don't really remember well that's okay are they gonna have fun personalities so we can tell them apart honestly they're all gonna kind of blend together there are a ton of them feels like it's gonna be tough to connect with them emotionally oh most definitely but there is gonna be one named thorin oakenshield and he's like the leader and what's his deal well he's tiny aragorn oh people like aragorn they do so anyway these dwarves are gonna be eating bilbo's food and he's gonna be like hey now hey stop it please hey hey everybody hey no very funny yeah yeah yeah for like 40 minutes or something oh my god yeah and he's really not into the idea of going on this adventure with them but then he wakes up the next day and he's like really into the idea of going on this adventure with them so what changed well the movie has to happen sir oh okay gotcha so anyway they head out and then they get captured by these big dumb trolls that want to eat them off to a very bad start definitely but then bilbo stalls the trolls for like 30 seconds which gives gandalf the time to pop out and shine sunlight on them so they turn to stone well i guess maybe someone was brave in that situation maybe so what else happens we're also going to have this other wizard ratagast who has a bunch of screen time and also some bird poop on his face and what's his role in the movie well he's going to kind of tease that something evil is on its way and that the lord of the rings movies are going to happen how kind of tease the movies that people have already seen okay yeah sure maybe that's a thing he's also going to lead some orcs away from the dwarves at a certain point but then just kind of circle back so an action scene can happen i guess that's helpful and are we doing like cool practical makeup like in the original trilogy no there's just going to be a ton of cgi going on oh is that going to look better oh yeah no god no but it means we could still work on designs even after we've shot the movie pretty good trade-off yeah so then they're gonna go to rivendell and gandalf is gonna have a conversation about how the lord of the rings movies are gonna happen one day good to let the audience know that i guess it's definitely gonna fill some screen time fantastic and also the dwarves have this map that can only be read at the exact time of year as it was written under the exact same moon oh man so how long do they have to wait not at all it turns out those exact conditions are happening at the time that they're in rivendell so they're able to read it no problem oh so why even mention that i don't know fair enough oh also we're gonna have this scene where they're all on the legs of these giant rock monsters that are like punching each other oh rock'em sock'em robots are tight and they're also gonna get captured by some goblins made with cgi oh offensively so wow wow wow gonna manage to slip away but everybody else they're gonna get brought in front of the scrotum king what sorry the goblin king oh okay what's his deal well he knows that this orc azog has beef with little aragorn so he wants to give the dwarves to him what's the beef well azzog killed his grandfather and he chopped off azzag's arm okay yeah so they probably don't like each other and bilbo's gonna end up finding the ring and then having a big interaction with gollum remember him from the other movies i remember him from the other movies and so gollum wants to eat bilbo but instead they have this riddle battle and how does that go well bilbo's gonna win by accidentally asking what do i have in my pocket which isn't a riddle but somehow that's still the winning point well and so how does everybody escape well freaking gandalf pops out and helps rescue them again oh that guy's always doing that it is his thing yeah for sure amazing so they kill the scrotum king and then they survive deadly falls without so much as a scratch that's lord of the rings tradition at this point it is yeah well great but then they're gonna get chased by azog in his orcs and they're gonna get trapped in a tree uh-oh but little aragorn he's so mad that he attacks azog and he just gets his butt kicked not good at all but then bilbo jumps in to help and all the other dwarfs they jump in to help too but it's still not going too great sounds like it's going to be tough for them to get out of there alive actually it's going to be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah gandalf has a bunch of eagles pick them up so you know that's that well great yeah so the eagles dropped them off super far from their destination at the top of this super dangerous rock that's super high up yeah that's almost the opposite of helpful yeah so then the movie's done it's over oh my god yeah we get out of there it's done i feel like not even one thing had a resolution that is accurate yeah for sure so what do you think well i mean it's lord of the rings right so i feel like people are gonna like it no matter what oh yeah absolutely so you have a hobbit sequel for me yes sir i do so at the beginning of this one the good guys are on the run cause the orcs they're right behind them i thought the eagles picked them up at the end of the last movie and flew them away from the orcs well i guess by the time they got down from that giant cliff the eagles dropped them off at the orcs had time to catch up oh very unhelpful birdies and so they end up hiding out at this guy bjorn's place and sometimes this guy turns into a bear nice nice nice what kind of role is he gonna play in the story almost none but the orcs are gonna be like well maybe we should back off from the doors for now because there's a bear around they're actively chasing a super powerful wizard but they're scared of a bear that's what we're going with well okay then so anyway then gandalf is like guess what everybody i gotta go oh that guy's always leaving he is yeah because if he was with the dwarves on their adventures he'd be able to solve all their problems so we gotta sideline this beardy boy that makes sense so where does he go oh well he's gonna walk around and slowly discover that the lord of the rings movies are gonna happen i guess it'll be fun to watch him figure out what we know is gonna happen is gonna happen yeah so he has a little harry potter battle with some darkness and then gets put in a cage why wouldn't the bad guys just kill him well because he's in the lord of the rings movies they can't kill him right now right okay so anyway bilbo and the dwarves head into this forest and they get captured by spiders oh no yeah but by putting the ring on bilbo's gonna be able to be invisible and fight back all right he's invisible with the ring he must be pretty much unstoppable well actually he's not unstoppable because he's gonna take it off but why would he do that so the scene can have a sense of danger oh he's doing it for the audience okay that's nice of him he's gonna stab this one spider and the spider is gonna be like ouch that stings okay and bilbo's gonna be like huh sting that's a good name for this little sword i have and that's how the sword he gives frodo gets its name you mean we're finally revealing how the little sword got the name sting we're doing it sir turns out it was a you know dying spider describing the pain of a fatal stab wound very good to know yeah yeah i mean don't get me wrong i love the lord of the rings movies but the whole time i was sitting there like okay but why is that little sword name sting like what's the backstory there a spider in a lot of pain it's a good thing we're making these movies for sure anyway then legolas is gonna show up remember him from the lord of the rings movies he's from the lord of the rings movies he is and this dwarf gloin is going to show him a picture of his son gimli remember him where's he from the lord of the rings movie he's from the lord of the rings movie he sure is sir it's all connected so all the dwarves end up getting captured by elves and put into little prison cells okay so these guys are just constantly getting captured practically non-stop sir so then we're gonna meet this lady elf named toriel okay and this dwarf keeley is gonna be like aren't you gonna search me i could have anything down my trousers oh gross yeah yeah yeah and so obviously that's gonna spark quite the romance between them oh it is it's just like in real life you know you make an avert reference to your junk the very first time you meet a woman then that leads to them falling in love with you yeah i'm not sure that's how it works actually it is sir and i should know i spend most of my time on the internet and i almost went on a date one time all right it does sound like you know what you're talking about anyway so i figure with this storyline we're adding like a whole new dimension to the hobbit trilogy what dimension is that exactly is the hot little dwarf gonna get to sleep with the hot elf lady gotcha so then bilbo's gonna use his magic ring to become invisible and help them all escape this kind of feels like familiar territory and they're all going to get into these barrels and escape down the river of questionable physics oh sounds exciting but wouldn't the barrels just fill up with water and sink not on the river of questionable physics they don't in fact they practically take flight and take out hordes of orcs on their own wow wow wow and then at the end of this big sequence the elves are going to capture an orc for questioning oh they are yeah and he's going to be like guess what we hit that hot dwarf with a poison arrow so he's going to die in a couple of days kind of weird of him to give up that random tidbit of information does he know that she's romantically interested in him no but she needs to know this information for the plot so she can go heal him later so this orc is just gonna kind of brag about it for no reason oh okay he's a plot orc he is so then the dwarves are gonna get to this lake and they're gonna have to figure out how to cross it oh what are they gonna do they're gonna pay a guy to bring them across it right okay that's pretty straightforward way of dealing with that problem yeah so this guy bart is gonna smuggle them into lake town and some fish barrels and they're gonna come out of a toilet and we're going to spend some time talking about lake town politics sure you know i guess we got to fill these movies up with something we're also going to find out that this guy bard has something called a black arrow and that's the only way to kill a dragon oh good so the dwarfs bring that up to the mountain nope oh okay anyway eventually thorin's gonna get most of the gang going and they're gonna head to the lonely mountain nice do they get captured along the way not this time surprisingly oh good for them and their map says that the last light of durham's day will shine upon the keyhole on the mountain but then it fricken doesn't oh weird yeah so thorin's like well i guess it's time to pack it up and go home this didn't work out at all what yeah he's all done with it he gives up they came all this way they don't even try looking for the keyhole for a bit they don't but then bilbo realizes that the map actually meant moonlight so then he finds the hole no problem oh unnecessarily vague ancient maps are tight so then bilbo has to go inside the mountain and find this thing called the arkenstone right and why do they need that again well because when they have that it means that thorin can rule how does the stone help with that unclear it just kind of does does he show it to people like an id card and they're like oh yeah that's the king something like that i guess so anyway bilbo goes inside and there's just a sea of gold like i mean there is a ton of it well gonna be hard to find the arkenstone in there actually it's gonna be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah it's just kind of next to him it's just kind of right there oh yeah he sees it pretty much right away well well good you know great but then freaking smaug the dragon pops out uh-oh and then they have this big old conversation but the dragon's like okay i guess i'm gonna kill you now so bilbo runs away okay okay and then all the dwarves show up and they run around and they realize they can't escape so they decide they're gonna have to kill this dragon how do they plan on doing that well they have this big intricate plan where they turn on a bunch of furnaces and run around and do things and the dragon doesn't just burn them no in fact he barely uses his fire power oh very considerate of him and so the dwarves are gonna make this giant dwarf out of molten gold and try to kill him with that thing i feel like beating a dragon with heat isn't gonna work well that's the way they're gonna go about it so he's gonna get covered in mold and gold but he's gonna be totally fine because he's a dragon right because he's a dragon because he's a dragon but then he's mad so he's like oh i'm gonna show you revenge oh so he burns them no no no he takes off he flies towards lake town what why i don't know he's gonna go set them on fire okay and then bilbo's gonna be like what have we done wow so did they manage to stop him we'll see what do you mean we'll see well the movie's done sir it's over we talking we're just gonna end it there yeah bilbo's gonna be like what have we done and we we're done wow well it sounds incomplete it's just not resolving anything at all but it's gonna be a fun looking three hours are we gonna go all in on the cgi this time as well we sure are sir i don't think anyone's gonna have a problem with that [Music] so you have another hobbit movie for me yes sir i do so smaug is attacking lake town and it's burning and it's all on fire and it's crazy oh just just jumping right in oh yes sir because remember we didn't really end the second movie we just kind of cut to black so people would come see this movie right okay we should probably wrap up that movie before jumping into the third exactly so smaug is burning up lake town i mean he's really going at it and he's attacking lake town because he's mad at the dwarves he left back at the mountain that aren't even from lake town that's right oh a very strangely motivated lizard and at a certain point that bard guy is going to shoot an arrow off his own son and kill smough oh and so within the first ten minutes smaug is dead and the second movie's over now do you think that starting this thing with what should have been the climax of the previous movie is gonna have any weird effects on the structure and flow of this thing oh you know i never actually gave that any thought uh okay i gave it some thought now and it's probably fine oh okay great so anyway that tiny aragorn dwarf thorin he comes down with something called dragon sickness what does that mean it just kind of means he's going to be a greedy jerk and make frustrating nonsensical decisions for like 90 percent of the movie oh yeah he really wants to find the ark in stone but bilbo's hiding it from him and are we going to get to know the other dwarves a little more get to connect with them a bit nope okay you know instead of that we're going to spend a whole bunch of time with that alfred guy remember from the last movie with the unibrow yeah okay okay he's gonna get so much screen time sir we're just gonna keep cutting away to him non-stop what kind of stuff is he gonna be doing well his whole thing is that he's greedy right and so bard keeps giving him these tasks and he keeps doing greedy things instead why does he keep giving this guy tasks instead of literally anybody else i don't know but he's gonna keep doing it okay and does this guy turn good or get his comeuppance in the end no he never learns a lesson he just kind of leaves so we're gonna give this guy a massive amount of screen time and the character's not gonna change or learn anything that's right well okay then so anyway we're also gonna have gandalf get rescued from that little cage he was in in the last movie oh well good yeah freaking galadriel and saruman and elrond show up and they're all gonna punch some ghosts together for a while oh punching ghosts is tight get out of here ghosts oh do you think you got one just now god i hope so that was a good punch anyway so then galadriel turns into scary mode and she yells at sauron and he's like okay i'll leave leave me alone stop yelling oh he takes off yeah and he's not coming back until the original trilogy starts so that whole story line was kind of kind of nothing yeah wow wow so then thousands of elves and people from lake town show up at the mountain and they're like we have a claim to some of that stuff in that mountain too okay and thorin is like no this is all mine actually so the elves are like okay well we're going to attack at dawn then they have like thousands of troops versus 13 dwarfs why wait till dawn to attack well i need them to wait till dawn because i'm actually going to have some orcs and dwarves and stuff show up right okay i get that from the perspective of you wanting it to happen that way so the plot can move forward the way you want it to but it doesn't really make sense for the elves to do that but i want it oh well it sounds like you really do want it so let's not get logic get in the way of that okay great so then bilbo brings the arkenstone to the elves because he doesn't want the war to happen okay but then there are orcs so a war happens anyway oh boy and the orcs they have those giant sand worms from dune on their side so those things are gonna show up oh are they gonna dig right into the mountain so the orcs can claim it nope no are they gonna dig into the battlefield and take out the good guys from underneath nope are they gonna what are they gonna do they're gonna make some tunnels for the bad guys and then disappear completely oh okay and how did the bad guys even get these giant worms to work with them okay sir they're not even in the movie anymore can we stop talking about them oh my bad i guess that's how everybody's fighting and the dwarfs are like where's thorin we're gonna lose if he doesn't come out of the mountain would thorin and twelve dwarves really make that much of a difference apparently so but thorin he's still dealing with his dragon sickness so he's not coming out oh man is it gonna be tough for him to get over that actually it's gonna be super easy barely an inconvenience oh really yeah he just kind of has this dreamy vision thing where he's falling in gold and that cures him he's all better after that he's good oh well you know great and then right when everything's going bad for the good guys you know what's gonna happen the eagles are gonna show up the eagles are gonna show up how did you know just a hunch okay and then that bjorn guy he's gonna jump from an eagle into the battlefield and turn into a bear oh i bet he's gonna kick a lot of butt oh yeah he will i mean probably we're not gonna show anything we're gonna cut away right after he lands you sure you don't want to show a giant bear fighting some orcs for a bit absolutely sir i think the audience would rather see more of the unibrow guy if you say so we're also going to give legolas this amazing action sequence where i failed physics in high school sounds fun and also feely is going to get killed oh no it sounds like he was one of the dwarves probably he was he was the john travolta dwarf and then his brother keeley's gonna get killed too oh wow you know that certainly sounds like a thing that's gonna happen in this movie it is and you know he was in love with that elf lady toriel so it's gonna be pretty emotional so they were like they were fully in love fully in love completely and they only had like three short conversations that's right one of which was keeley just straight up referencing his junk directly i guess that's romantic and tauriel is gonna talk to legolas dad and be like why does love hurt so much and he's gonna be like because it was real oh my god are you okay yeah sorry i don't know why my body just automatically reacted like that no weird so anyway then bilbo's gonna get knocked out for the entire climax of the movie because i didn't really know what to do with him this guy's barely in his own movie yeah he's not super important to the story so then thorin is gonna battle azzog oh boy how does that go well this freaking guy keeps hitting the ice they're standing on with this big weapon thing and eventually thorin tricks him into falling into the cold water very smart extremely smart and then he stands directly over him and watches him through the ice that's okay maybe he should wait a minute before and then azog stabs him through the foot and bursts up through the ice how does he get the momentum to burst up through ice from underwater from the fact that i wrote that in the script without giving any further thought to it oh okay and then they both kill each other and it's super sad sounds kind of sad sure and thorin's gonna be like you know bilbo the world would be a better place if people valued home more than gold oh is that like the moral of the story yeah yeah yeah the moral of this trilogy of movies that we squeezed out of a single book in order to get a fan base to come give us their money is don't be greedy i see no irony in that whatsoever neither do i sir why would you even bring that up so i guess there's gonna be a big funeral for thorin no no there's no time for that but there is time for a bunch of alfred scenes oh a bunch of alfred scenes for sure well okay then and then since people made fun of us for having too many endings in return of the king we're just gonna kind of end this real fast well wait okay so what happens with the mountain something i guess what happens with the arkenstone i don't know who becomes the king of the dwarves somebody probably what happens with that bard guy he's around somewhere i imagine are the people of lake town okay do they get a new home that's certainly a possibility who's to say okay oh and legolas dad is gonna tell him oh you should go find this guy they call strider i bet he's gonna be somebody great someday kind of a weird thing to say yeah but this way we could shoehorn aragorn into this thing he's from the other movies he is amazing and so gandalf is gonna be like bilbo i know you found a magic ring and bilbo's gonna be like no actually i dropped it and gandalf is gonna be like okay i won't look into that for like 60 years nice so what do you think well you know it definitely sounds like middle earth has been milked for all it's worth you know all all done definitely [Music] hello it's ryan here thanks for watching that video hope you enjoyed it if you did be sure to hit the like button and the subscribe button and the button button and the whatever other buttons not the dislike that's a bad button you could also leave me a comment telling me what other movies you want to see pitches for as always check back soon for a new one see you guys on the next video bye-bye

Channel: Screen Rant

Views: 1,361,897

Rating: 4.9339995 out of 5

Keywords: lord of the rings, the hobbit, lotr, frodo, the ring, fellowship of the ring, JR tolkien, pitch meeting, ryan george, screenrant, screen rant

Id: yqbDUKavWiM

Length: 36min 57sec (2217 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 29 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Awsmprsn2003]

Compilations are tight, and making them is super easy barley an inconvenience